Categories > Cartoons > Family Guy
It's been so long since I've written a Family Guy fanfiction. On account of that I have been writing for other fandoms. So if this seems kind of lame to some. You know why. In the meantime enjoy this fanfiction! Bare with me. Adam West is in this. I know he's passed on, but he'll always be a part of Family Guy to me!
I even brought back James Woods.
Family Guy Presents
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Atomic Punch
Another day for Peter Griffin as he was sitting in his favorite booth at the Drunken Clam. Peter was impatiently waiting for his friends who were in the back room of the Clam.
"Come on! I'm waiting!" Peter called out to his friends. "Are we going to get wasted for what?" "I won't be denied!"
Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire come to the booth with boxes.
"What are you doing back there? Giving birth? Or handjobs to each other?" hollered Peter.
"Not cool!" Cleveland felt insulted then said, "Hey, Peter! You won't believe what Horace had in his back room before Jerome took over!"
"You kept me waiting so I don't care! Were you planning to have me get drunk by myself while you all ditch me? Nobody keeps Peter Griffin waiting! It's true! Just ask Meg!" Peter asked indignantly.
Quagmire opens the boxes, "Perhaps this will not make you mad at us anymore."
When the box was opened it was revealed that there were cereal boxes. The cereal was the ones from the 1980s that were aimed at girls at the time. Rainbow Brite, Strawberry Shortcake, Cabbage Patch, and Barbie.
"Remember when we watched those 1980s cereal commercials on Youtube last week and you wanted to know what would happen if a boy were to eat these?" asked Joe.
"Go on!" asked Peter.
"That Strawberry Shortcake commercial sounded so sad!" said Quagmire.
"What do you say for fun, we eat these cereals instead of having beer?" suggested Cleveland.
"Awww, sweet! Know what" Peter said with his anger about waiting subsided and threw his beer out the window. "Gentlemen, since it's Friday Night and tomorrow is Saturday, let's have a Saturday Morning Expirience!"
Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire all cheered, "All right!" "Sock it to Me!" "Allright! Giggity Giggity!"
"We'll put beer aside for tonight! Who wants what?" asked Peter.
"I'll take the Barbie." exclaimed Joe.
"Rainbow Brite for me!" Quagmire said.
"Cabbage Patch sounds good!" said Cleveland.
"That leaves me with, Strawberry Shortcake!" said Peter. "hee hee hee hee hee hee!"
As they were eating the breakfast cereals, Peter had an anouncement, "So, you guys coming to my barbecue tomorrow?"
"You know we'll be there!" said Cleveland.
"Why wouldn't we? Wouldn't miss it for the world!" said Quagmire.
"You provide us with a good time at your barbecues. Way better than that time we saw that Brokedown Palace sequel!" said Joe.
Cutaway Scene:
Peter, Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland were at a movie theater. "If I could, I have have sex with all those female Thai prison inmates!" said Quagmire. "This movie is so sad and boring." moaned Peter. "First it shows the prison, then a bunch of court scenes...." "Yeah, it ought to be called 'Brokedown Alice'!" joked Cleveland. "Indeed, hasn't this girl been let out yet?" growled Joe.
*
In the backyard of the Griffin House, Peter was hosting his annual backyard barbecue. As a tradition, Peter always let Joe and Quagmire put charcoal in the grill. "Thank you! Thank you all for coming!" Peter called out. "You going to have us put charcoal in the grill as always?" asked Joe. "It's a time honored tradition! Joe and Quagmire, pull it out here!" Everyone clapped as Joe and Quagmire came with a bag of charcoal and put it in the grill. "Cleveland, give me the torch!" ordered Peter. "You got it!" said Cleveland handing Peter the torch to light up the grill. However, something else happened. When Peter tried the torch to light up the grill the fire dulled out. Usually, the fire in the grill becomes lit and ready. Not this time.
As everyone knew when it came to the Griffin Backyard Barbecue. Peter tends to get a little overzealous. Although they knew Peter hosted the best and funnest barbecues in Spooner Street.
Holy freaking crap?" Peter sounded astounded. "This always works! Every year! What the beep happened?" Joe suggested, "Maybe we didn't use enough charcoal?" Cleveland said, "Maybe it's time for a new grill." "Why not try lighter fluid?" asked Quagmire. "Try it again, it's bound to work." said Lois. Peter tries to light the grill with matches 10 times over with no luck. "DAMMIT!! SON OF A BITCH! MY BARBECUE IS RUINED!" cried Peter. "Don't have a hissy pissy fit!" Cleveland assured. "Try propane!" said Joe. "Try a newspaper. But stay away from my Playboys!" Quagmire pointed. "NO! We are doing this barbecue my way and my way only!" Peter shouted in frustration.
Peter was taking his failed barbecue too hard. "Look it's no big deal, maybe we can take this party to Outback Steakhouse or something of the sort." Brian trying to calm his owner down. Peter then felt a simultaneous vexation overcome him. "NONE OF YOU ARE LEAVING! NOBODY IS GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL THIS GRILL IS LIT! STAY WHERE YOU ARE! IT IS GOING TO BE LIT AND THAT'S A PROMISE! IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?" yelled Peter. "Yes, Dad!" saluted Chris. An idea came to Peter's head as he pointed his finger into the air. "I know......I'll use.........Gasoline!" Peter empathized the word Gasoline in a shrilly manner. "Peter, are you insane? You can blow up the whole neighborhood!" Mort warned him.
"It's settled. My decision stands. I am getting 'Gasoline!'" Peter announced as he again said the word Gasoline in the same shrilly tone. Brian suddenly gets grabbed by the hand. "Let me go you asshole! What are you doing? Where are you taking me?" "C'mon Brian! Help me find Gasoline!" Dr. Hartman comes up to Peter as he was dragging Brian away with some hamburger buns making them talk like a puppet, "When do we eat!" "BEEP YOU!" shouted Peter at the doctor. "No I am not helping you with this! Not this time!" Brian protested. Quagmire calls out to Peter, "Do us all a favor and pour some gas on Brian!" Stewie came out of nowhere and nabbed Brian and shot a grappling hook at the roof of the house. Stewie flew into the air with Brian in his arms and ended up in his bedroom.
Peter noticed Brian was gone from his grip. "Anyone here want to help me find Gasoline?" Peter then seized Meg who screamed in fear. "Come on Meg! Since Brian bailed out, you're going to help me find Gasoline!" laughed Peter. Meg began to sob. "WHY ME! WHY ME! WHY ME ALL THE TIME?!" Peter dragged Meg to an abandoned gas station where he found a gas pump. Peter proceeded to the gas pump and picked it up from the ground. Peter shouted triumphant thinking his barbecue day was saved. "AT LAST! IT'S HERE! I HAVE FOUND IT! I HAVE FOUND.....GASOLINE!" Meg gets patted on the head hardly by Peter. "Thanks for all your help Meg!" Meg groaned. Peter carries the Gas Pump home leaving a trail of gas. Where the gas pump used to stand there was now a fountain of gas spurting up from the ground. Mayor Adam West saw and thought it was something fun.
"Oh boy! Chocolate Sprinklers? Knew these things would exist someday!" Adam West cheered. Then Adam West jumped and played around in the spraying gas.
Peter and Meg came back from the abandoned gas station. Peter was now using the gas pump he stole to light the grill. "Now the moment you've all been waiting for.....the piece de resistance! Lighting of the grill will go as commenced!" Peter excitedly giggled as he drenched and doused gasoline on the charcoal. "Looks all soaked in there!" exclaimed Joe. Cleveland reluctantly handed Peter the torch to light the grill one more time. Peter lit the grill and a huge explosion occurred. The blast sent both Peter and the grill flying into the sky. Peter then landed in another part of Quahog.
"Come on! We need to go get him!" Quagmire shouted. The whole town was running to where Peter flew off to. "Oh, my gosh! Peter please be okay!" moaned Lois. "I'm sure he's fine!" assured Joe. "He is still alive! He has to be!" said Cleveland. "Instead of blowing up the neighborhood, he blew himself up! That's my Dad!!" laughed Chris. "Don't say that, Chris!" yelled Meg. "Last time Peter disappeared like this he was with that Reverend from Rabbit Run!" recalls Lois.
Cutaway Scene.
Peter Griffin was in a confessional booth as Rev. Jack Eccles from the movie Rabbit Run gives Peter the cold shoulder. "I just got into a fight with Lois and wanted to have fun for a while." Jack Eccles scolds Peter, "Yes, and then you went out and drank with your buddies, played basketball, and had sex with some prostitutes. Peter Griffin for deserting your family the way you did. You have no character. For you are a coward." Peter sighs and hangs his head shamefully.
*
Everyone from Peter's backyard barbecue had tracked him down and found Peter at the Quahog Municipal Dump. "There he is! I see him!" shouted Mort. Peter was alive and well and didn't seem to be sustaining any injuries. Peter was out of breath. "Peter! Thank God you're okay! But no more backyard barbecues for a while." Lois stated. "Turns out you all were right. Gasoline does blow up." Peter breathed. "Oh Dad! I thought you were dead!" said Chris. Peter got up from the garbage pile he landed on and he reached out his hand to stretch only to have a force of wind come from his hand. "What did you just do?" asked Quagmire all shocked and surprised. "DO that again!" Chris jumped. Peter threw his hand into the air again and another wind force came from it. Peter was ecstatic to learn he now has a super power. "I think that explosion gave me super powers!" said Peter.
"Do you know what this means?" asked Joe. "What what means?" Peter asked in a confused state. "You can be a local superhero that's what!" said Cleveland. "What do you want your name to be?" Quagmire inquired. "What do you want your costume to look like?" asked Lois. Peter stood proud accepting the offer to be a superhero, "From this day forward I shall be known as the......Atomic Punch!" Chris happily praised, "All right! Dad! That is awesome! My Dad a superhero! I was beginning to think you were hit by a car. Like Pee-Wee in that classic movie Boys Town.
Cutaway Scene:
It shows a vacant highway and a field. In a 1930's setting. Peter is in Whitey's Role. Meg is in Pee-Wee's role. Peter was getting annoyed by Meg tugging at his sleeve. "We're going to be pals, aren't we?" asked Meg. Peter throws Meg aside. "Go back home kid!" Peter said almost crying storming across the highway. "Come back, Whitey!" Meg pleaded following him. An antique car speeds in Meg's direction and hits her. Peter screams, "PEE-WEE!" Meg is dead and Peter runs to her and picks her up. "My poor poor Pee-Wee! My poor poor Pee-Wee! Say something! Say something!" Then a bunch of townspeople ran to the scene.
In Stewie's bedroom, Brian thanks him for getting him away from Peter. "Thanks man, I owe you one!" "Don't mention it, Brian!" "We all know how Peter acts like a psycho dictator when he hosts the annual family barbecue." stated Brian. "If anyone in this family is going to be a dictator it's going to be me!" said Stewie as he lead Brian to his latest invention. Stewie pulled a sheet off of it and revealed a machine that looked like a life sized film projector. "What in the hell is that?" asked Brian. "This my friend is called the Movie Scene changer." announced the infant genius. "Why did you make that for?" inquisited the dog.
"So we can go inside shitty movies we hate and change scenes." answered Stewie. "Which movie do you want to change?" Brian was curious. "Like that song from KONGOS Come With Me Now!" Stewie dragged Brian. The dog and baby duo entered the Movie Scene Changer and Stewie pressed a button then said, "Jason Statham movie, 2013!" A flash appears for 5 seconds. Before they both knew it, they were in the schoolyard scene from the movie Homefront.
Brian was impressed. "Wow! That's amazing Stewie! Which movie is this?"
"This is the Jason Statham movie Homefront." answered the baby. "Sylvester Stallone directed it and not starred. Must've been on crack when he made this pile of shit movie! As we move along you'll see why."
"Stewie, You say it was made in 2013. Perhaps Stallone made this because he was mad at the world because his son Sage died."
"That very well could be, Brian."
"So what are we supposed to do here?" Brian wondered.
"Climb up the school and tell you everything." Stewie spoke.
Brian and Stewie both climbed the building that was the school. Stewie got out a laser cannon. As he was explaining his plan. Sylvester Stallone saw them. "What the beep? Ahhh, guess it's nothing."
"Any minute now, Jason Statham's daughter in the movie is going to be ridiculed by bullies. One of them even beats her up and then she fights back at the last minute." Stewie talked.
Brian sees the boy bullies and the girl and is surprised. "Is that them? And they're supposed to beat her up and it don't matter to them if she's a girl?"
"Good eye, Brian! Now watch as I put my plan in motion!" Stewie aimed the laser cannon at the boy bullies before they can steal the girl's hat. Stewie shoots the laser cannon at the three boys as they were about to steal the girl's hat. The three boys were killed by Stewie as the laser vaporized them until they became skeletons.
Stewie proudly hailed, "Guess I spared movie goers of this stupid ass excuse of a scene! (To the screen). They're dead! From now on these sons of bitches won't ever again be seen in this movie! "
Brian agrees, "Who in the world thought that would make a great scene?! (scoffs). Hollywood producers! People would do anything for money! They don't care who they upset. Let's think of a better plot for this movie!"
"In time we will, but first things first." said Stewie.
"What will that be?" pondered Brian.
"See if I can make out with James Franco!" Stewie cooed
Brian gasps, "Whatever! Let's just find another movie......"
Before they can move on, they are stopped by Sylvester Stallone.
"What the hell just happened here! Why are those kids turned into skeletons? Is this some kind of voodoo? Trying to make a movie here....." Sylvester Stallone yelled in his usually incomprehensible way.
"You know you got some nerve putting a little girl in danger with a bunch of bullies." Brian stated.
"Exactly, just because there's a kid in this movie, doesn't mean there has to be a bully plot!" Stewie protested.
"See, the thing is, I was trying to impress my stepdaughters......" explained Stallone.
"By making a girl get beat up and fight in the last minute? Don't you have any idea what an outrage you can cause? Not only that, and you can upset a lot of people like that by making a boy beat on a girl?" Brian said. "Especially people who are still truamitized from being bullied. Ever give people like that a thought? It's not empowering to do that to a girl."
"Why not do this? Have the girl in your movie fall into a bad crowd and give into their peer pressure." Stewie said. "Or have it be a girl bully instead. If you still want to go that route. " Brian stated.
Stallone gave in, "Guess you both are right. Did go a little too far with that. Okay, I will change the plot of this movie where the girl gives into peer pressure."
"Do that!" Stewie said. "Ready to go!" "Hell yes I am!" Brian said. Then Brian and Stewie press a button in the Movie Scene Changer and disappeared in a flash.
*
Lois was in the bedroom waiting for Peter. "Come on, Peter! Let's see that sexy costume of yours!" Lois purred. Peter comes out and he is dressed in a cowboy hat, red blouse, blue cargo pants, brown boots and a mask. "TAH DAH! Whaddya think?" "Peter, you're going to dress as a cowboy? Thought you were going to be the Atomic Punch!" asked Lois who was dumbfounded and found it to be unbelievable that Peter would choose a costume like that. "Not just any cowboy! I'm the Provolone Ranger!" laughed Peter nasally. "I fight for truth, justice, and the Monterey Jack way! Hi Ho Cheddar away!" "Maybe it would be better if you just had a t shirt, cape, but by all means, keep the mask." Lois proposed. Peter began to agree. "Suppose you are correct. This isn't appropriate. I'll find something else."
Peter got an old orange t shirt and spray painted the letters A.P. in yellow which stood for Atomic Punch. Peter decided to keep the mask and the cowboy hat. "Wow! Peter! You look so handsome! Don't forget your cape!" Lois pined the cape to Peter's shirt. "Holy freaking awesome! Goodbye Lois, for I am off to give my super powers a test drive!" Peter said walking off to try out his new power. "Be sure to be home for dinner!" Lois called. Peter wants to try out his powers for fun. "Hmmm, let's see......." As Peter was thinking, he discovered he was levitating. "I can fly too?" Before he knew it, Peter was flying in the sky. "Look at this! I can fly! I can fly! he he he he he he he! I'm like Jay Underwood in The Boy Who Could Fly! Wonder if Carl knows about that movie!"
Down on the ground, Peter sees Herbert on his doorstep with kids lined up about to give some little boys some candy.
"Hey, there, fellas. Would you like these advil.....I mean M&Ms?"
"Ahh, sweet! I'll get that old crinkled perv!" Peter vowed in a vexed way.
Herbert felt a gust of wind. "Woooo! Jesse! Getting cold so suddenly.
"ATOMIC PUNCH!" Peter shouted as he came behind Herbert and used his punches that felt like huge wind gusts. Herbert went flying and the little boys ran away and screamed.
"WOAH! WOAH!! WOAH!!! A bomb went off on me! But....why am I still alive?" Herbert yelled then he landed in soft mud but wasn't hurt badly. "There's always tomorrow!"
Peter felt like a million dollars after using his powers. 'Forget about being a superhero! I'll be a prankster instead.' thought Peter. "Who else can I use this on?" Quagmire was getting into a helicopter. He was carrying a woman who was drugged. "Heh heh! All right! Brazil here we come!" Quagmire is almost about to fly the helicopter then is stopped when Peter flew in the pervert's direction. "ATOMIC PUNCH!" Both Quagmire, the drugged woman, and the helicopter were tossed into the air by Peter's gusty wind punch. "Where the beep did that come from? If that was you Peter......." Quagmire yelled shaking his fist as he landed in some shrubbery.
Meg was in Joe's house babysitting for Susie. Peter sees Meg brushing her hair. "See? This is how you brush you hair." Meg was demonstrating to the baby. Peter began to crack up. "This is just too good!" Peter was flying to Joe's house where Meg resided in Susie's bedroom. "ATOMIC PUNCH!" Peter screamed. Meg was startled. "What was that?" Out of nowhere, Peter flew and punched Meg which caused her to blow away then fall out the upstairs window. Meg screamed as she hit the ground.
Peter was very overjoyed and delighted at how he was using his powers. "Feel so proud of myself! Say I know!" Peter then plotted to use his powers on Cleveland's house. "Why not! Just for old times sake!" Cleveland and Donna were in the bath tub. "I love you, Donna!" "I love you too Cleveland!" "ATOMIC PUNCH!" "Did you just hear something?" asked Cleveland. "Sounded like Peter." said Donna in confusion. "He has powers now." reminded Cleveland. "Then you deal with it." Donna said bailing out on the bathtub. Cleveland felt his house was shaking. He knew what was coming. "Oh God! Not the bathtub gag.....AGAIN! I THOUGHT HE WAS OVER THIS!"
Peter punched Cleveland's house where his bathroom was. At the side of the top of his house was now broken. Once again, Cleveland was in the bathtub ready to take a tumble. "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!" The bathtub broke under Cleveland's body. WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH BLOWING UP MY HOUSE WHEN I'M IN THE TUB, PETER! YOU NEED THERAPY!"
Not caring or giving a regard for what he had done with his powers. Peter Griffin was happily looking all around at the damage he caused.
"Super Powers! Hope I have it forever! This is way better than the time I went on tour with Bartyls and Jaymes!
Cutaway Scene:
Bartyls and Jaymes were sitting on the porch. "And Thank You For Your Support!" Peter comes to their porch and throws a bottle at them. "Wine Coolers! You assholes! You promised me this was beer!" "We're a wine cooler business!" Bartyls exclaimed. "We told you that before! Geez! Son of a bitch!" yelled Jaymes. "Thought one of you wasn't supposed to talk! This'll silence you both forever!" Peter said punching out both Bartyls and Jaymes!
*
A flash of light was seen, and out came Brian and Stewie. They looked around and realized they were in a small town in Minnesota. "This looks like the Midwest." said Brian. "Minnesota to be exact." said Stewie. "Could this be that movie Feeling Minnesota with Keanu Reeves?" asked Brian off the cuff. "You'll see where we are soon." said Stewie. "you always say that." said Brian.
Brian and Stewie walked into a convience store and Stewie got himself a blue slushie. They both exited and saw a pregnant teenage girl laying on her car. It was Juno. "Holy Crap! We're in Juno?" exclaimed Brian. "Wait until you see what we have in store for her!" said Stewie. "Hey you! Yes you! I'm talking to you!" Stewie shouted at Juno that got her attention.
"Honest to Blog, Bananas! What's with the screaming!" yelled Juno as she approached Brian and Stewie. "We got a beef to pick with you!" Brian pointed out. Juno laughed at them both and insulted them in her usual so-called witty way. "Cartoons, huh? I hate those! Cartoons are not the macaroni to my cheese!" "Seriously, what teen girl talks like you!" yelled Stewie. "Honest to blog, bananas, Phuket Thailand!" mocked Brian. "You're both just jealous because I'm mature and wise beyond my years! I'm a down to earth and 'with reality' type of girl." Juno sneered and then said, "Gotta use the facilities, being pregnant makes me pee like Seabiscuit!"
"Yeah, you act like you know everything about life. What girl your age has vast knowledge of 1970s horror movies and punk rock bands!" said Brian. "Since you got pregnant you make it sound like all babies are mistakes and have to be given away!" yelled Stewie. "Not only that, once this movie came out, it inspired a bunch of teen girls to get knocked up just like you!" Brian informed.
Juno said, "Look, I don't need a lecture from some Sid and Marty Croft rejects!" "You even tried to seduce and have an affair with a married man whom you were going to give your baby up to!" said Stewie. "And not to mention you did drugs and sold them in school to boot! I'm surprised you didn't end up in Juvie!" said Brian. "Silencio, assholes! You two look like you just walked out of an Iggy Pop concert circa '73!" said Juno who then realized who they are and where they were from.
"Say, wait some secs! I know who you douche packers are! You're those beeping freakish gobs from that stupid Seth Macfarlane cartoon! I seen your shit ass show before! It's for babies this beeping big! Scratch that! Family Guy is for unborn children! My younger sister even thinks your show is for your babies! Punk Rock and Horror Movies are so much better! Give me The Wizard of Gore and Cat O'Tails and Punk Rock Vol 1 1977 any day!" "Unborn children, huh? Like the one you're carrying! Would you let your embryo watch our show! Finish her, Stewie!" yelled Brian feeling insulted. Stewie drinks the blue slushie and spits it out in Juno's face.
"You must be eliminated!" yelled Stewie as he shot the laser cannon at Juno and watched her evaporate into nothing! "That was awesome, Stewie!" complemented Brian. "That was one doodle that can't be undid, home skillet!" laughed Stewie. "That was hilarious! But don't you EVER call me 'home skillet' ever again!" giggled Brian and warned Stewie at the same time. "Sheesh! Didn't have to be such a......uh, who cares! Let's go home!" said Stewie.
*
Joe Swanson witnessed all the fun Peter was having with his newly found super powers. "You know, Peter. Instead of being such a prick to everyone here in Quahog with your powers, why not try something more productive with it?" "I don't know what productive means, sorry. I like using my powers better this way!" said Peter. "Use your powers to stop crime or something!" said Joe. "Stop crime you say! But wouldn't that put you out of a job?" asked Peter. "Well, not all cops are equipped to handle certain situations!" said Joe. "Anyway consider my offer. We can use a guy like you!" Peter then decided to use his Atomic Punch powers to stop criminal activity. "All right, fine! Originally I did want to be a superhero. Just tell me what kind of crimes you cops can't handle, and the Atomic Punch will save the day!" Agreeing Peter as he stood in a heroic pose.
The day after. Shown in a musical montage to the song 'Riptide' by Vance Joy. Peter Griffin was flying round using his gust of wind powers on criminals. Everyone from pimps, drug dealers, gang bangers, peace disturbers, kidnappers, robbers, and whatever other crimes the police couldn't handle. The Atomic Punch even rescued Mort and Jerome. Peter had to stay at Joe's for a while so he can tell him some crimes that were out of the police's hands. Lois didn't mind. It meant a lot to Lois that Peter was doing his part for the community.
Everyone in Quahog loved The Atomic Punch. Peter even got a ticker tape parade and the key to the city for all his heroics. Kids surrounded him for autographs. For Peter and Lois, life was becoming very propitious and auspicious since Peter became the Atomic Punch. Tom Tucker and Joyce Kinney even reported on the news crimes that Peter has stopped that the police couldn't get a grip on. Lois was happily watching the news of her husbands achieved accomplishments!
Not everyone in Quahog was happy, though. In a lighthouse off the coast of New Hampshire, a madman was watching all of Peter's intrepid crime stopping on television. The madman was James Woods who was walking over to a machine that was melting all the gold in Quahog. "Atomic Punch......hey? Let's see you try to take on what I have in store for you!" cackled James Woods who was still plotting to destroy the Griffin family and Quahog altogether.
"And once again, Quahog is saved thanks to.....want to say it, Joyce," offered Tom Tucker. "Surely you jest! Quahog is saved once again, thanks to the.....Atomic Punch!" cheered Joyce Kinney. "Stay tuned for more in our news broadcasts about the Atomic Punch!" said Tom Tucker. "And now, we return to 'Punky Brewster's Millions'"! said Joyce Kinney. The TV then showed Punky and Henry. "Great news, Punky! I just burned down my Photography Studio and I got $100 Million for it!"
"Holy Macanoli! We're millionaires?" asked Punky. "We will be if we are able to spend $1 Million Dollars in a month that money is ours!" said Henry. "I'll be happy to help you spend that in a month because I got Punky Power!" Punky shouted. Lois immediately turned it off and scoffed. "Who cares about this shit!" Lois went to call Peter. "Peter! Peter! Did you see the news?" asked Lois over the phone. "I did see the news! I'm a big freaking celebrity! Shooting At The Walls of Heartache! Bang Bang! I am the Warrior! " Lois was telling Peter how proud she was of him, "Isn't it great to use your powers for good instead of stupidity and making an ass of yourself?" asked Lois. "It's awesome I tell you! I'm more popular than Jesus!" cheered Peter. "So glad you're happy. You're making us happy too!" said Lois. "What's been going on since I've been gone?" asked Peter.
Lois spoke over the phone, "Things have been wonderful since you've become the Atomic Punch! Brian and Stewie are off doing their own thing, whatever that is. Chris got some action figures of Dr. Neo Cortex and N. Gin. And Meg went on a date with Clyde Crashcup!"
Cutaway Scene:
Clyde Crashcup is seen in his lab with Leonardo. "I got a date tonight, Leonardo!" announced the bumbling scientist. Leonardo whispers in Clyde's ear. "No you and I will not have a three way with her! Gosh you're such a sick ass pervert!" Leonardo followed Clyde into another room. "Come with me my silent helper. I didn't exactly meet her, I invented her!" Clyde drew a picture of Meg on the wall, "Since looks don't matter to me, I have just invented......." A fanfare plays. Clyde said, "The fat and ugly hag girlfriend!" Leonardo whispers, "There's already plenty of those to go around!" "Go invent your own girlfriend will you!" yelled Clyde Crashchup.
*
Peter Griffin's days as the Atomic Punch have only just began. Joe was wheeling himself rampantly towards Peter as he donned on his Atomic Punch costume. "Oh Peter! So lucky I found you!" Joe wheezed. "What do evildoers have to offer the Atomic Punch today?" asked Peter. "It's James Woods! We just got a report that he stole all the gold in Quahog and he's making a giant robot of himself!" "There's no need to fear for the Atomic Punch is on the case!" Peter said boldly. "Isn't that supposed to rhyme?" asked Joe.
Earthquakes are heard and headed toward Spooner Street. Lois, Quagmire, Cleveland, Mort, Mayor Adam West, Jerome, and everyone else in Quahog came outside to witness James Woods making his appearance be known as he stomped on the street with his golden giant robot. "Say hello to my big huge friend, Quahog! Mecha James Woods!" James Woods laughed. "Oh, Atomic Punch where are you now! Even if you did make some collateral damage to my house!" cried Cleveland.
Peter and Joe ran outside. Peter about ready to use his Atomic Punch powers. "Come on, Atomic Punch! You can do it!" cheered Lois for her husband. "Show them what you're made of!" yelled Quagmire.
*
James Woods's golden robot was an exact replica of himself. "FE FI FO FUM! I WANT THE BLOOD OF A MORBIDLY OBESE IRISHMAN!" James Woods sang. Peter stood his ground, "Stand back my fair citizens! I'll handle this!" James Woods in his golden robot aptly named 'Mecha James Woods', Peter used his flying powers to get after him. Lois, Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland, Brian and Stewie came onto the scene then they were all cheering him on. "Show him who's boss!"
Peter flew to where James Woods was controlling Mecha James Woods. "I laugh at your pathetic whims! Peter Griffin! Think you're a superhero now? You must have a death wish. Have any last words before I finish you off?" Peter spouted, "Yo Mamma's Trailer Trash! Lives on Welfare Checks and Works at A Greasy Spoon!" "ooooohhhhhhhh!" Quagmire said. "No one talks about my mother like that!" James Woods yelled as he pulled a controller and have the hand of Mecha James Woods try to punch Peter. "Swat you like flies on shit!" James Woods insanely laughed. Peter dodged James Woods's attempts to defeat him. James Woods controlled Mecha James Woods to destroy some houses in the neighborhood and tries to stomp on some people. "STOP! DON'T DO IT! THE PEOPLE!" screamed Peter.
Lois shouted, "Get that maniac!" "He ruined my TV pilot!" yelled Brian. "He almost lured us to our deaths at the mansion!" yelled Quagmire. "Kick his ass!" shouted Joe. Peter said as he punched the Mecha James Woods robot, "You have tried to take over my family and town for the last time! ATOMIC PUNCH!" James Woods's felt a hideous displeasure about Peter punching him with his wind gust powers. "Time to get reimbursed! You son of a bitch!" James Woods shouted then he used a controller on his Mecha James Woods robot to deliver a kick that sends Peter flying. "Yes! Yes! Score! Now it's time to take some prisoners!" James Woods boasted. The Mecha James Woods robot picked up Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire. Peter comes back and tries to use his powers again, but failed.
"Oh no! Oh no! This isn't happening! This is NOT happening! " Peter cried. "Oh it's happening, sweetheart!" James Woods teased. "PETER HELP!" yelled Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire. "Try it again!" suggested Brian. Peter tries to use his powers again, but failed once more. "I lost the gift! I lost the gift!" Peter couldn't believe that he lost his powers. James Woods controlled his Mecha James Woods robot to take Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire to his light house in New Hampshire. Peter fell on the ground and broke down and cried. "Peter, it's okay! We will find a way to have your friends somehow. Powers or not." Lois assured him.
"I wasn't around when this was going on, but perhaps Peter's powers were just temporary." Brian theorized. "He acquired those powers when he used gas to light up a grill then it caused an explosion." Lois explained to Brian as she recalled. Brian looks over Stewie thinking maybe he could help Peter get back his powers. "What? Why are you looking at me for? I'm not helping that cretinous harlequin!" "Nobody asking you to," yelled Brian.
Peter gets up and decides to retire from the Superhero business. "Know what? Maybe I'm just not cut out for this superhero stuff. It doesn't last forever." "Don't say that! You were a wonderful hero! And you still can be!" said Lois. Peter continued feeling very shamed, "Like Hollywood Fame. It's true. Just ask Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears. Where ever those whores may be!" "Peter, your friends got abducted! You just going to take that?" asked Brian. "James Woods has won," Peter sobbed. "From this day forward I am going to be normal Peter."
Lois, Brian, and Stewie look at Peter with concern. Stewie said, "Brian and I meet Sylvester Stallone today."
*
In the light house in New Hampshire, James Woods gloats over Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire. The three of them were encased in glass tanks. "Peter has lost this powers! He will never find you!" laughed James Woods. "Be that as it may but I'm a cop! Maybe I will save us and kick you ass, Woods!" dared Joe. "How you can do that when you're under glass!" James Woods taunted. "What are you going to do to us?" asked Cleveland in a hoarse voice. "While you guys are in those tanks, I am going back to Quahog to destroy the whole town. Kill Peter Griffin, marry Lois and take over the town where I shall rule!" James Woods speaking of his plans. "It may not be today, or tomorrow! But somehow Peter will brutalize you!" warned Quagmire.
"Oh, really! Too bad the three of you will be dead if he ever gets here!" James Woods spoke as he turned on a faucet to the tanks Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were encased in. "Oh, shit!" said Quagmire as he looked at the water rushing in. "This reminds me of the time I went to the land of Wuz and kidnapped Butter Bear!"
Cutaway Scene:
At Quagmire's house, Butter Bear the Wuzzle was tied to a chair. Quagmire was rubbing his hands in excitement. "What the beep did you say you are again?" asked Quagmire. "I'm Butter Bear! Please don't hurt me!" pleaded Butter Bear! "Don't worry, you little Wuzzle bitch! You won't feel a thing! If you know what I mean!" Quagmire said as he dissolved a drug in a glass full of water. "Now, drink this!" ordered Quagmire.
Lois was driving around town, now was a woman with a plan. She rode by a failing K Mart. "I need for Peter to get back his confidence." Lois thought. "We can't let James Woods win!" The car Lois was driving pulls into the K Mart and parks in the lot. Lois walked inside. Much to her disturbance and dismay, she sees Peter working at the K Mart deli. "WHAT?" Lois gasped. "Hello, welcome to K Mart! Would you like a K Mart sub?" Peter asked a costumer. The person Peter was helping bought the K Mart sub. "That'll be $3.98! Thank you have a happy K Mart day! See you soon!" Peter said. Lois groaned and bolted, marched up and stomped her feet to the K Mart Deli. "PETER! Did you quit your job to work at K MART?!" Lois practically yelled. She continued, "K MART SUBS! NOBODY GIVES A FLYING BEEP ABOUT THOSE ANYMORE!"
"I beg to differ! I brought them back! To answer your question, I work here now! Since i don't have my powers, I'm normal! oops! Move out Lois, I gotta make an announcement!" Peter said then he grabbed a microphone. "Hi, Welcome to K Mart! Here at our K MART deli we have K Mart Subs! For $3.98! As always, thank you for shopping our K Mart!" "Peter, you can't just stand by and....." before Lois can finish a demanding costumer goes ahead of her. "Welcome to K Mart! Want a K Mart sub!" asked Peter. "That's what I'm here for!" said the costumer. "What would you like on it? Bologna? Mustard? Salami, HAM?!" "Give me the sub!" demanded he costumer. "Would you like some Blue Light special with that?" asked Peter. "Just bring me the damned sub!" yelled the costumer. "Woah! Must be a little K-Mad!" laughed Peter.
The costumer had enough of Peter's nonsense and grabbed the K Mart Sub and gave Peter $5. "Bye! Have a happy K Mart day!" Peter waved. "Keep the change, goofy asshole!" the costumer spurred walking off. "Peter, come off this! I want the Atomic Punch back! Quahog and possibly all of New England need you now more than ever!" Lois persisted.
"No! I am not going back to that lifestyle! Ever again! You can't persuade me! Why? So I can lose my powers and fail? Then all of Quahog will brand me a loser?" Peter sneered at his wife. Lois ignores Peter's doubtful rants. She walks off and then come back with a grill, charcoal, and gasoline. Peter was confused. "Lois, what are you doing?"
"Look Peter! Guess what I'm doing?" Lois said.
"No, no, no! Don't." protested Peter.
Lois puts charcoal into the grill and pours gasoline in it. "You're going to get your confidence back......"
"Lois, please! I beg! I'll just fail again!" cried Peter.
"This is all the more incentive you need!" said Lois. Then she lit the grill threw it in Peter's direction and the grill exploded that sent Peter flying. Mort sees the whole thing and runs away, "This place has gone to pots!" The Explosion sent Peter flying then falls back to the K Mart Deli. Lois says, "Peter, try to punch the air!"
Peter punches into the air and his wind gust powers are back! "All right! My powers! They've returned! I'm back in business!"
"Now fly!" ordered Lois!
Peter jumped into the air then flew a little ways.
Lois grabs the microphone, "Attention all shoppers of this withering K Mart store! The Atomic Punch is back in action!"
All the costumers and shoppers cheered. Peter finally got his willpower back!
"Excuse me, Lois! I got a villain to defeat! And some friends to save!" Peter proudly swaggered.
"Go kick some James Woods Ass Peter Griffin!" called out Lois. "Yes! Knew that would work!"
Peter flies back to his house and dons on his Atomic Punch costume and was once again a man of action.
"ATOMIC PUNCH AWAY!!!!!!"
*
The theme to Underdog plays but the lyrics were changed:
When criminals in this world appear,
And break the laws that they should fear,
And frighten all who see or hear,
The cry goes up both far and near for
Atomic Punch!
Atomic Punch!
Atomic Punch!
Atomic Punch!
Speed of lightning, roar of thunder*,
Fighting all who rob or plunder
Atomic Punch! Atomic Punch! ATOMIC PUNCH!
Peter Griffin was back in action as the Atomic Punch thanks to Lois. Peter was flying through the airs of New England trying to locate James Woods's hideout. "So happy these powers were given to me! Good thing Meg didn't get these powers!"
Peter happily boasted. He kept on flying until he spotted Mecha James Woods the Giant golden robot James Woods had built right next to the lighthouse where Cleveland, Joe, and Quagmire were held. "A-HA! Your ass is mine now, James Woods!" Peter flew to the lighthouse and demolished Mecha James Woods with the use of his gust of wind powered punch without him knowing.
Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were practically drowning in the tanks they were encased in. "HA HA HA HA! At last Quahog will be mine! Now that the Atomic Punch is out of commission!" James Woods crackled. Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland were glubbing in the water struggling to hold their breaths. James Woods goes to his Mecha James Woods to make Quahog go in ruins once more only to discover that it's been broken to pieces. "BBLLLAAAHHHHHH!!! WHO DID IT! WHO DID THIS TO MY MECHA JAMES WOODS?" he yelled.
"Looking for this?" Peter Griffin said calling out. James Woods turned around and screamed. "YOU!!!! I thought you gave up!" yelled James Woods. "The Atomic Punch NEVER QUITS!" screamed Peter. "You're in big trouble now, mister!" James Woods revved up to try to beat up Peter. Peter laughs, "That's a line from Full House!"
"Stop mocking me! " shouted James Woods. "Have anything to say?" asked Peter gloating. "Yes I do! I will NOT be done in by a poorly dressed soon to be dead guy!" Then the actor tried to play his last card. "You may have beaten my Mecha James Woods, but I'm afraid your friends are dying!" Peter saw Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire drowning in the tanks then decided to do use his powers. "Use all your powers all the want. They can't hold their breath much longer! And if you break them out, they will die anyway from broken glass!"
"That's what you think! ATOMIC PUNCH!" Peter yelled. His wind gust punch freed Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire from the water tanks. The three of them were okay and caught their breaths. "Taught myself to hold my breath for a long time. heh heh! Choking myself has really improved!" said Quagmire. "Recall when you did that when we had Jeff Fecalman killed!" said Joe.
"No NO! I need another chance! Must achieve and.....uh......achieve my plan no matter what it takes!! Even if I have to chase you all from hell and back to do it!" James Woods rambled in denial about his defeat.
Peter had a plan, "Cleveland and Joe, go grab James Woods! Quagmire, nail his ass!" Joe and Cleveland pulled James Woods back and forth by his arms and Quagmire found a hammer and nailed the seat of James Woods's slacks to the floor.
"What are you going to make me do? Let me guess, the same old shit! Have me follow a trail of Reeses Pieces again?" James Woods stated sarcastically. "Nope an even worse fate for you, pal!" said Joe. "We have something much better suited for you, ass wiper!" said Cleveland. "Something you're really going to love, cock licker!" said Peter to James Woods's face.
"I will not go down! I will go up in victory!" James Woods promised. "You're going up all right! In the air!" Peter spoke as he flew in James Woods's way. "ATOMIC PUNCH!" James Woods soon felt the wrath of Peter Griffin's Atomic Punch powers, a huge wind gust that blew him away and because of Quagmire nailing the seat of his pants to the floor, James Woods flew up in the air in his underwear.
"NNNNNOOOOO!!!!! PETER GRIFFIN YOU COCK SUCKER DICKHEAD ASSHOLE! I ABHOR AND HATE YOU! NOW I'M GOING TO BE SEEN IN PUBLIC IN MY UNDERWEAR!!!!! THE TABLOIDS WILL MURDER ME!" yelled James Woods flying away into oblivion. "You should've thought about that before trying to terminate my town and dominate my family!" Peter yelled out. "Oh Peter! I knew you would make it!" complemented Cleveland. "So glad you came when you did! You saved our asses!" said Joe. "It pays to have a friend like you, even if you can be a son of a bitch sometimes!" said Quagmire.
"You all have to admit! I commit!!" laughed Peter. "Let's all go home! Or I'll race you all to Rome!" Joe called the Quahog police station and had his men recover the melted gold James Woods used to make Mecha James Woods. All the gold was returned to Quahog. "I was on the brink of giving up, then Lois gave me my powers back." Peter explained. "That's amazing, you're so lucky to have Lois care so much!" said Joe. "Wish she'd be mine." muttered Quagmire.
Peter laughs, "I saved the day! No more James Woods standing in the way! Superheroes have a way with rhymes!" "This calls for a celebration!" suggested Quagmire. "Indeed we shall!" said Peter. Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland, and Peter exited the light house. A dog was barking and coming to their presence. "Think I hear him!" said Peter. The dog turned out to be Barkley the huge orange dog from Sesame Street. "Hey, that's Barkley from Sesame Street!" laughed Cleveland. "Why not commemorate by playing with him!" asked Peter. "Let's go for it!" yelled Joe.
Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire all happily chased and played with Barkley on a bridge, then around a tree as the closing theme song to Sesame Street played.
The End
The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production.
I even brought back James Woods.
Family Guy Presents
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Atomic Punch
Another day for Peter Griffin as he was sitting in his favorite booth at the Drunken Clam. Peter was impatiently waiting for his friends who were in the back room of the Clam.
"Come on! I'm waiting!" Peter called out to his friends. "Are we going to get wasted for what?" "I won't be denied!"
Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire come to the booth with boxes.
"What are you doing back there? Giving birth? Or handjobs to each other?" hollered Peter.
"Not cool!" Cleveland felt insulted then said, "Hey, Peter! You won't believe what Horace had in his back room before Jerome took over!"
"You kept me waiting so I don't care! Were you planning to have me get drunk by myself while you all ditch me? Nobody keeps Peter Griffin waiting! It's true! Just ask Meg!" Peter asked indignantly.
Quagmire opens the boxes, "Perhaps this will not make you mad at us anymore."
When the box was opened it was revealed that there were cereal boxes. The cereal was the ones from the 1980s that were aimed at girls at the time. Rainbow Brite, Strawberry Shortcake, Cabbage Patch, and Barbie.
"Remember when we watched those 1980s cereal commercials on Youtube last week and you wanted to know what would happen if a boy were to eat these?" asked Joe.
"Go on!" asked Peter.
"That Strawberry Shortcake commercial sounded so sad!" said Quagmire.
"What do you say for fun, we eat these cereals instead of having beer?" suggested Cleveland.
"Awww, sweet! Know what" Peter said with his anger about waiting subsided and threw his beer out the window. "Gentlemen, since it's Friday Night and tomorrow is Saturday, let's have a Saturday Morning Expirience!"
Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire all cheered, "All right!" "Sock it to Me!" "Allright! Giggity Giggity!"
"We'll put beer aside for tonight! Who wants what?" asked Peter.
"I'll take the Barbie." exclaimed Joe.
"Rainbow Brite for me!" Quagmire said.
"Cabbage Patch sounds good!" said Cleveland.
"That leaves me with, Strawberry Shortcake!" said Peter. "hee hee hee hee hee hee!"
As they were eating the breakfast cereals, Peter had an anouncement, "So, you guys coming to my barbecue tomorrow?"
"You know we'll be there!" said Cleveland.
"Why wouldn't we? Wouldn't miss it for the world!" said Quagmire.
"You provide us with a good time at your barbecues. Way better than that time we saw that Brokedown Palace sequel!" said Joe.
Cutaway Scene:
Peter, Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland were at a movie theater. "If I could, I have have sex with all those female Thai prison inmates!" said Quagmire. "This movie is so sad and boring." moaned Peter. "First it shows the prison, then a bunch of court scenes...." "Yeah, it ought to be called 'Brokedown Alice'!" joked Cleveland. "Indeed, hasn't this girl been let out yet?" growled Joe.
*
In the backyard of the Griffin House, Peter was hosting his annual backyard barbecue. As a tradition, Peter always let Joe and Quagmire put charcoal in the grill. "Thank you! Thank you all for coming!" Peter called out. "You going to have us put charcoal in the grill as always?" asked Joe. "It's a time honored tradition! Joe and Quagmire, pull it out here!" Everyone clapped as Joe and Quagmire came with a bag of charcoal and put it in the grill. "Cleveland, give me the torch!" ordered Peter. "You got it!" said Cleveland handing Peter the torch to light up the grill. However, something else happened. When Peter tried the torch to light up the grill the fire dulled out. Usually, the fire in the grill becomes lit and ready. Not this time.
As everyone knew when it came to the Griffin Backyard Barbecue. Peter tends to get a little overzealous. Although they knew Peter hosted the best and funnest barbecues in Spooner Street.
Holy freaking crap?" Peter sounded astounded. "This always works! Every year! What the beep happened?" Joe suggested, "Maybe we didn't use enough charcoal?" Cleveland said, "Maybe it's time for a new grill." "Why not try lighter fluid?" asked Quagmire. "Try it again, it's bound to work." said Lois. Peter tries to light the grill with matches 10 times over with no luck. "DAMMIT!! SON OF A BITCH! MY BARBECUE IS RUINED!" cried Peter. "Don't have a hissy pissy fit!" Cleveland assured. "Try propane!" said Joe. "Try a newspaper. But stay away from my Playboys!" Quagmire pointed. "NO! We are doing this barbecue my way and my way only!" Peter shouted in frustration.
Peter was taking his failed barbecue too hard. "Look it's no big deal, maybe we can take this party to Outback Steakhouse or something of the sort." Brian trying to calm his owner down. Peter then felt a simultaneous vexation overcome him. "NONE OF YOU ARE LEAVING! NOBODY IS GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL THIS GRILL IS LIT! STAY WHERE YOU ARE! IT IS GOING TO BE LIT AND THAT'S A PROMISE! IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?" yelled Peter. "Yes, Dad!" saluted Chris. An idea came to Peter's head as he pointed his finger into the air. "I know......I'll use.........Gasoline!" Peter empathized the word Gasoline in a shrilly manner. "Peter, are you insane? You can blow up the whole neighborhood!" Mort warned him.
"It's settled. My decision stands. I am getting 'Gasoline!'" Peter announced as he again said the word Gasoline in the same shrilly tone. Brian suddenly gets grabbed by the hand. "Let me go you asshole! What are you doing? Where are you taking me?" "C'mon Brian! Help me find Gasoline!" Dr. Hartman comes up to Peter as he was dragging Brian away with some hamburger buns making them talk like a puppet, "When do we eat!" "BEEP YOU!" shouted Peter at the doctor. "No I am not helping you with this! Not this time!" Brian protested. Quagmire calls out to Peter, "Do us all a favor and pour some gas on Brian!" Stewie came out of nowhere and nabbed Brian and shot a grappling hook at the roof of the house. Stewie flew into the air with Brian in his arms and ended up in his bedroom.
Peter noticed Brian was gone from his grip. "Anyone here want to help me find Gasoline?" Peter then seized Meg who screamed in fear. "Come on Meg! Since Brian bailed out, you're going to help me find Gasoline!" laughed Peter. Meg began to sob. "WHY ME! WHY ME! WHY ME ALL THE TIME?!" Peter dragged Meg to an abandoned gas station where he found a gas pump. Peter proceeded to the gas pump and picked it up from the ground. Peter shouted triumphant thinking his barbecue day was saved. "AT LAST! IT'S HERE! I HAVE FOUND IT! I HAVE FOUND.....GASOLINE!" Meg gets patted on the head hardly by Peter. "Thanks for all your help Meg!" Meg groaned. Peter carries the Gas Pump home leaving a trail of gas. Where the gas pump used to stand there was now a fountain of gas spurting up from the ground. Mayor Adam West saw and thought it was something fun.
"Oh boy! Chocolate Sprinklers? Knew these things would exist someday!" Adam West cheered. Then Adam West jumped and played around in the spraying gas.
Peter and Meg came back from the abandoned gas station. Peter was now using the gas pump he stole to light the grill. "Now the moment you've all been waiting for.....the piece de resistance! Lighting of the grill will go as commenced!" Peter excitedly giggled as he drenched and doused gasoline on the charcoal. "Looks all soaked in there!" exclaimed Joe. Cleveland reluctantly handed Peter the torch to light the grill one more time. Peter lit the grill and a huge explosion occurred. The blast sent both Peter and the grill flying into the sky. Peter then landed in another part of Quahog.
"Come on! We need to go get him!" Quagmire shouted. The whole town was running to where Peter flew off to. "Oh, my gosh! Peter please be okay!" moaned Lois. "I'm sure he's fine!" assured Joe. "He is still alive! He has to be!" said Cleveland. "Instead of blowing up the neighborhood, he blew himself up! That's my Dad!!" laughed Chris. "Don't say that, Chris!" yelled Meg. "Last time Peter disappeared like this he was with that Reverend from Rabbit Run!" recalls Lois.
Cutaway Scene.
Peter Griffin was in a confessional booth as Rev. Jack Eccles from the movie Rabbit Run gives Peter the cold shoulder. "I just got into a fight with Lois and wanted to have fun for a while." Jack Eccles scolds Peter, "Yes, and then you went out and drank with your buddies, played basketball, and had sex with some prostitutes. Peter Griffin for deserting your family the way you did. You have no character. For you are a coward." Peter sighs and hangs his head shamefully.
*
Everyone from Peter's backyard barbecue had tracked him down and found Peter at the Quahog Municipal Dump. "There he is! I see him!" shouted Mort. Peter was alive and well and didn't seem to be sustaining any injuries. Peter was out of breath. "Peter! Thank God you're okay! But no more backyard barbecues for a while." Lois stated. "Turns out you all were right. Gasoline does blow up." Peter breathed. "Oh Dad! I thought you were dead!" said Chris. Peter got up from the garbage pile he landed on and he reached out his hand to stretch only to have a force of wind come from his hand. "What did you just do?" asked Quagmire all shocked and surprised. "DO that again!" Chris jumped. Peter threw his hand into the air again and another wind force came from it. Peter was ecstatic to learn he now has a super power. "I think that explosion gave me super powers!" said Peter.
"Do you know what this means?" asked Joe. "What what means?" Peter asked in a confused state. "You can be a local superhero that's what!" said Cleveland. "What do you want your name to be?" Quagmire inquired. "What do you want your costume to look like?" asked Lois. Peter stood proud accepting the offer to be a superhero, "From this day forward I shall be known as the......Atomic Punch!" Chris happily praised, "All right! Dad! That is awesome! My Dad a superhero! I was beginning to think you were hit by a car. Like Pee-Wee in that classic movie Boys Town.
Cutaway Scene:
It shows a vacant highway and a field. In a 1930's setting. Peter is in Whitey's Role. Meg is in Pee-Wee's role. Peter was getting annoyed by Meg tugging at his sleeve. "We're going to be pals, aren't we?" asked Meg. Peter throws Meg aside. "Go back home kid!" Peter said almost crying storming across the highway. "Come back, Whitey!" Meg pleaded following him. An antique car speeds in Meg's direction and hits her. Peter screams, "PEE-WEE!" Meg is dead and Peter runs to her and picks her up. "My poor poor Pee-Wee! My poor poor Pee-Wee! Say something! Say something!" Then a bunch of townspeople ran to the scene.
In Stewie's bedroom, Brian thanks him for getting him away from Peter. "Thanks man, I owe you one!" "Don't mention it, Brian!" "We all know how Peter acts like a psycho dictator when he hosts the annual family barbecue." stated Brian. "If anyone in this family is going to be a dictator it's going to be me!" said Stewie as he lead Brian to his latest invention. Stewie pulled a sheet off of it and revealed a machine that looked like a life sized film projector. "What in the hell is that?" asked Brian. "This my friend is called the Movie Scene changer." announced the infant genius. "Why did you make that for?" inquisited the dog.
"So we can go inside shitty movies we hate and change scenes." answered Stewie. "Which movie do you want to change?" Brian was curious. "Like that song from KONGOS Come With Me Now!" Stewie dragged Brian. The dog and baby duo entered the Movie Scene Changer and Stewie pressed a button then said, "Jason Statham movie, 2013!" A flash appears for 5 seconds. Before they both knew it, they were in the schoolyard scene from the movie Homefront.
Brian was impressed. "Wow! That's amazing Stewie! Which movie is this?"
"This is the Jason Statham movie Homefront." answered the baby. "Sylvester Stallone directed it and not starred. Must've been on crack when he made this pile of shit movie! As we move along you'll see why."
"Stewie, You say it was made in 2013. Perhaps Stallone made this because he was mad at the world because his son Sage died."
"That very well could be, Brian."
"So what are we supposed to do here?" Brian wondered.
"Climb up the school and tell you everything." Stewie spoke.
Brian and Stewie both climbed the building that was the school. Stewie got out a laser cannon. As he was explaining his plan. Sylvester Stallone saw them. "What the beep? Ahhh, guess it's nothing."
"Any minute now, Jason Statham's daughter in the movie is going to be ridiculed by bullies. One of them even beats her up and then she fights back at the last minute." Stewie talked.
Brian sees the boy bullies and the girl and is surprised. "Is that them? And they're supposed to beat her up and it don't matter to them if she's a girl?"
"Good eye, Brian! Now watch as I put my plan in motion!" Stewie aimed the laser cannon at the boy bullies before they can steal the girl's hat. Stewie shoots the laser cannon at the three boys as they were about to steal the girl's hat. The three boys were killed by Stewie as the laser vaporized them until they became skeletons.
Stewie proudly hailed, "Guess I spared movie goers of this stupid ass excuse of a scene! (To the screen). They're dead! From now on these sons of bitches won't ever again be seen in this movie! "
Brian agrees, "Who in the world thought that would make a great scene?! (scoffs). Hollywood producers! People would do anything for money! They don't care who they upset. Let's think of a better plot for this movie!"
"In time we will, but first things first." said Stewie.
"What will that be?" pondered Brian.
"See if I can make out with James Franco!" Stewie cooed
Brian gasps, "Whatever! Let's just find another movie......"
Before they can move on, they are stopped by Sylvester Stallone.
"What the hell just happened here! Why are those kids turned into skeletons? Is this some kind of voodoo? Trying to make a movie here....." Sylvester Stallone yelled in his usually incomprehensible way.
"You know you got some nerve putting a little girl in danger with a bunch of bullies." Brian stated.
"Exactly, just because there's a kid in this movie, doesn't mean there has to be a bully plot!" Stewie protested.
"See, the thing is, I was trying to impress my stepdaughters......" explained Stallone.
"By making a girl get beat up and fight in the last minute? Don't you have any idea what an outrage you can cause? Not only that, and you can upset a lot of people like that by making a boy beat on a girl?" Brian said. "Especially people who are still truamitized from being bullied. Ever give people like that a thought? It's not empowering to do that to a girl."
"Why not do this? Have the girl in your movie fall into a bad crowd and give into their peer pressure." Stewie said. "Or have it be a girl bully instead. If you still want to go that route. " Brian stated.
Stallone gave in, "Guess you both are right. Did go a little too far with that. Okay, I will change the plot of this movie where the girl gives into peer pressure."
"Do that!" Stewie said. "Ready to go!" "Hell yes I am!" Brian said. Then Brian and Stewie press a button in the Movie Scene Changer and disappeared in a flash.
*
Lois was in the bedroom waiting for Peter. "Come on, Peter! Let's see that sexy costume of yours!" Lois purred. Peter comes out and he is dressed in a cowboy hat, red blouse, blue cargo pants, brown boots and a mask. "TAH DAH! Whaddya think?" "Peter, you're going to dress as a cowboy? Thought you were going to be the Atomic Punch!" asked Lois who was dumbfounded and found it to be unbelievable that Peter would choose a costume like that. "Not just any cowboy! I'm the Provolone Ranger!" laughed Peter nasally. "I fight for truth, justice, and the Monterey Jack way! Hi Ho Cheddar away!" "Maybe it would be better if you just had a t shirt, cape, but by all means, keep the mask." Lois proposed. Peter began to agree. "Suppose you are correct. This isn't appropriate. I'll find something else."
Peter got an old orange t shirt and spray painted the letters A.P. in yellow which stood for Atomic Punch. Peter decided to keep the mask and the cowboy hat. "Wow! Peter! You look so handsome! Don't forget your cape!" Lois pined the cape to Peter's shirt. "Holy freaking awesome! Goodbye Lois, for I am off to give my super powers a test drive!" Peter said walking off to try out his new power. "Be sure to be home for dinner!" Lois called. Peter wants to try out his powers for fun. "Hmmm, let's see......." As Peter was thinking, he discovered he was levitating. "I can fly too?" Before he knew it, Peter was flying in the sky. "Look at this! I can fly! I can fly! he he he he he he he! I'm like Jay Underwood in The Boy Who Could Fly! Wonder if Carl knows about that movie!"
Down on the ground, Peter sees Herbert on his doorstep with kids lined up about to give some little boys some candy.
"Hey, there, fellas. Would you like these advil.....I mean M&Ms?"
"Ahh, sweet! I'll get that old crinkled perv!" Peter vowed in a vexed way.
Herbert felt a gust of wind. "Woooo! Jesse! Getting cold so suddenly.
"ATOMIC PUNCH!" Peter shouted as he came behind Herbert and used his punches that felt like huge wind gusts. Herbert went flying and the little boys ran away and screamed.
"WOAH! WOAH!! WOAH!!! A bomb went off on me! But....why am I still alive?" Herbert yelled then he landed in soft mud but wasn't hurt badly. "There's always tomorrow!"
Peter felt like a million dollars after using his powers. 'Forget about being a superhero! I'll be a prankster instead.' thought Peter. "Who else can I use this on?" Quagmire was getting into a helicopter. He was carrying a woman who was drugged. "Heh heh! All right! Brazil here we come!" Quagmire is almost about to fly the helicopter then is stopped when Peter flew in the pervert's direction. "ATOMIC PUNCH!" Both Quagmire, the drugged woman, and the helicopter were tossed into the air by Peter's gusty wind punch. "Where the beep did that come from? If that was you Peter......." Quagmire yelled shaking his fist as he landed in some shrubbery.
Meg was in Joe's house babysitting for Susie. Peter sees Meg brushing her hair. "See? This is how you brush you hair." Meg was demonstrating to the baby. Peter began to crack up. "This is just too good!" Peter was flying to Joe's house where Meg resided in Susie's bedroom. "ATOMIC PUNCH!" Peter screamed. Meg was startled. "What was that?" Out of nowhere, Peter flew and punched Meg which caused her to blow away then fall out the upstairs window. Meg screamed as she hit the ground.
Peter was very overjoyed and delighted at how he was using his powers. "Feel so proud of myself! Say I know!" Peter then plotted to use his powers on Cleveland's house. "Why not! Just for old times sake!" Cleveland and Donna were in the bath tub. "I love you, Donna!" "I love you too Cleveland!" "ATOMIC PUNCH!" "Did you just hear something?" asked Cleveland. "Sounded like Peter." said Donna in confusion. "He has powers now." reminded Cleveland. "Then you deal with it." Donna said bailing out on the bathtub. Cleveland felt his house was shaking. He knew what was coming. "Oh God! Not the bathtub gag.....AGAIN! I THOUGHT HE WAS OVER THIS!"
Peter punched Cleveland's house where his bathroom was. At the side of the top of his house was now broken. Once again, Cleveland was in the bathtub ready to take a tumble. "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!" The bathtub broke under Cleveland's body. WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH BLOWING UP MY HOUSE WHEN I'M IN THE TUB, PETER! YOU NEED THERAPY!"
Not caring or giving a regard for what he had done with his powers. Peter Griffin was happily looking all around at the damage he caused.
"Super Powers! Hope I have it forever! This is way better than the time I went on tour with Bartyls and Jaymes!
Cutaway Scene:
Bartyls and Jaymes were sitting on the porch. "And Thank You For Your Support!" Peter comes to their porch and throws a bottle at them. "Wine Coolers! You assholes! You promised me this was beer!" "We're a wine cooler business!" Bartyls exclaimed. "We told you that before! Geez! Son of a bitch!" yelled Jaymes. "Thought one of you wasn't supposed to talk! This'll silence you both forever!" Peter said punching out both Bartyls and Jaymes!
*
A flash of light was seen, and out came Brian and Stewie. They looked around and realized they were in a small town in Minnesota. "This looks like the Midwest." said Brian. "Minnesota to be exact." said Stewie. "Could this be that movie Feeling Minnesota with Keanu Reeves?" asked Brian off the cuff. "You'll see where we are soon." said Stewie. "you always say that." said Brian.
Brian and Stewie walked into a convience store and Stewie got himself a blue slushie. They both exited and saw a pregnant teenage girl laying on her car. It was Juno. "Holy Crap! We're in Juno?" exclaimed Brian. "Wait until you see what we have in store for her!" said Stewie. "Hey you! Yes you! I'm talking to you!" Stewie shouted at Juno that got her attention.
"Honest to Blog, Bananas! What's with the screaming!" yelled Juno as she approached Brian and Stewie. "We got a beef to pick with you!" Brian pointed out. Juno laughed at them both and insulted them in her usual so-called witty way. "Cartoons, huh? I hate those! Cartoons are not the macaroni to my cheese!" "Seriously, what teen girl talks like you!" yelled Stewie. "Honest to blog, bananas, Phuket Thailand!" mocked Brian. "You're both just jealous because I'm mature and wise beyond my years! I'm a down to earth and 'with reality' type of girl." Juno sneered and then said, "Gotta use the facilities, being pregnant makes me pee like Seabiscuit!"
"Yeah, you act like you know everything about life. What girl your age has vast knowledge of 1970s horror movies and punk rock bands!" said Brian. "Since you got pregnant you make it sound like all babies are mistakes and have to be given away!" yelled Stewie. "Not only that, once this movie came out, it inspired a bunch of teen girls to get knocked up just like you!" Brian informed.
Juno said, "Look, I don't need a lecture from some Sid and Marty Croft rejects!" "You even tried to seduce and have an affair with a married man whom you were going to give your baby up to!" said Stewie. "And not to mention you did drugs and sold them in school to boot! I'm surprised you didn't end up in Juvie!" said Brian. "Silencio, assholes! You two look like you just walked out of an Iggy Pop concert circa '73!" said Juno who then realized who they are and where they were from.
"Say, wait some secs! I know who you douche packers are! You're those beeping freakish gobs from that stupid Seth Macfarlane cartoon! I seen your shit ass show before! It's for babies this beeping big! Scratch that! Family Guy is for unborn children! My younger sister even thinks your show is for your babies! Punk Rock and Horror Movies are so much better! Give me The Wizard of Gore and Cat O'Tails and Punk Rock Vol 1 1977 any day!" "Unborn children, huh? Like the one you're carrying! Would you let your embryo watch our show! Finish her, Stewie!" yelled Brian feeling insulted. Stewie drinks the blue slushie and spits it out in Juno's face.
"You must be eliminated!" yelled Stewie as he shot the laser cannon at Juno and watched her evaporate into nothing! "That was awesome, Stewie!" complemented Brian. "That was one doodle that can't be undid, home skillet!" laughed Stewie. "That was hilarious! But don't you EVER call me 'home skillet' ever again!" giggled Brian and warned Stewie at the same time. "Sheesh! Didn't have to be such a......uh, who cares! Let's go home!" said Stewie.
*
Joe Swanson witnessed all the fun Peter was having with his newly found super powers. "You know, Peter. Instead of being such a prick to everyone here in Quahog with your powers, why not try something more productive with it?" "I don't know what productive means, sorry. I like using my powers better this way!" said Peter. "Use your powers to stop crime or something!" said Joe. "Stop crime you say! But wouldn't that put you out of a job?" asked Peter. "Well, not all cops are equipped to handle certain situations!" said Joe. "Anyway consider my offer. We can use a guy like you!" Peter then decided to use his Atomic Punch powers to stop criminal activity. "All right, fine! Originally I did want to be a superhero. Just tell me what kind of crimes you cops can't handle, and the Atomic Punch will save the day!" Agreeing Peter as he stood in a heroic pose.
The day after. Shown in a musical montage to the song 'Riptide' by Vance Joy. Peter Griffin was flying round using his gust of wind powers on criminals. Everyone from pimps, drug dealers, gang bangers, peace disturbers, kidnappers, robbers, and whatever other crimes the police couldn't handle. The Atomic Punch even rescued Mort and Jerome. Peter had to stay at Joe's for a while so he can tell him some crimes that were out of the police's hands. Lois didn't mind. It meant a lot to Lois that Peter was doing his part for the community.
Everyone in Quahog loved The Atomic Punch. Peter even got a ticker tape parade and the key to the city for all his heroics. Kids surrounded him for autographs. For Peter and Lois, life was becoming very propitious and auspicious since Peter became the Atomic Punch. Tom Tucker and Joyce Kinney even reported on the news crimes that Peter has stopped that the police couldn't get a grip on. Lois was happily watching the news of her husbands achieved accomplishments!
Not everyone in Quahog was happy, though. In a lighthouse off the coast of New Hampshire, a madman was watching all of Peter's intrepid crime stopping on television. The madman was James Woods who was walking over to a machine that was melting all the gold in Quahog. "Atomic Punch......hey? Let's see you try to take on what I have in store for you!" cackled James Woods who was still plotting to destroy the Griffin family and Quahog altogether.
"And once again, Quahog is saved thanks to.....want to say it, Joyce," offered Tom Tucker. "Surely you jest! Quahog is saved once again, thanks to the.....Atomic Punch!" cheered Joyce Kinney. "Stay tuned for more in our news broadcasts about the Atomic Punch!" said Tom Tucker. "And now, we return to 'Punky Brewster's Millions'"! said Joyce Kinney. The TV then showed Punky and Henry. "Great news, Punky! I just burned down my Photography Studio and I got $100 Million for it!"
"Holy Macanoli! We're millionaires?" asked Punky. "We will be if we are able to spend $1 Million Dollars in a month that money is ours!" said Henry. "I'll be happy to help you spend that in a month because I got Punky Power!" Punky shouted. Lois immediately turned it off and scoffed. "Who cares about this shit!" Lois went to call Peter. "Peter! Peter! Did you see the news?" asked Lois over the phone. "I did see the news! I'm a big freaking celebrity! Shooting At The Walls of Heartache! Bang Bang! I am the Warrior! " Lois was telling Peter how proud she was of him, "Isn't it great to use your powers for good instead of stupidity and making an ass of yourself?" asked Lois. "It's awesome I tell you! I'm more popular than Jesus!" cheered Peter. "So glad you're happy. You're making us happy too!" said Lois. "What's been going on since I've been gone?" asked Peter.
Lois spoke over the phone, "Things have been wonderful since you've become the Atomic Punch! Brian and Stewie are off doing their own thing, whatever that is. Chris got some action figures of Dr. Neo Cortex and N. Gin. And Meg went on a date with Clyde Crashcup!"
Cutaway Scene:
Clyde Crashcup is seen in his lab with Leonardo. "I got a date tonight, Leonardo!" announced the bumbling scientist. Leonardo whispers in Clyde's ear. "No you and I will not have a three way with her! Gosh you're such a sick ass pervert!" Leonardo followed Clyde into another room. "Come with me my silent helper. I didn't exactly meet her, I invented her!" Clyde drew a picture of Meg on the wall, "Since looks don't matter to me, I have just invented......." A fanfare plays. Clyde said, "The fat and ugly hag girlfriend!" Leonardo whispers, "There's already plenty of those to go around!" "Go invent your own girlfriend will you!" yelled Clyde Crashchup.
*
Peter Griffin's days as the Atomic Punch have only just began. Joe was wheeling himself rampantly towards Peter as he donned on his Atomic Punch costume. "Oh Peter! So lucky I found you!" Joe wheezed. "What do evildoers have to offer the Atomic Punch today?" asked Peter. "It's James Woods! We just got a report that he stole all the gold in Quahog and he's making a giant robot of himself!" "There's no need to fear for the Atomic Punch is on the case!" Peter said boldly. "Isn't that supposed to rhyme?" asked Joe.
Earthquakes are heard and headed toward Spooner Street. Lois, Quagmire, Cleveland, Mort, Mayor Adam West, Jerome, and everyone else in Quahog came outside to witness James Woods making his appearance be known as he stomped on the street with his golden giant robot. "Say hello to my big huge friend, Quahog! Mecha James Woods!" James Woods laughed. "Oh, Atomic Punch where are you now! Even if you did make some collateral damage to my house!" cried Cleveland.
Peter and Joe ran outside. Peter about ready to use his Atomic Punch powers. "Come on, Atomic Punch! You can do it!" cheered Lois for her husband. "Show them what you're made of!" yelled Quagmire.
*
James Woods's golden robot was an exact replica of himself. "FE FI FO FUM! I WANT THE BLOOD OF A MORBIDLY OBESE IRISHMAN!" James Woods sang. Peter stood his ground, "Stand back my fair citizens! I'll handle this!" James Woods in his golden robot aptly named 'Mecha James Woods', Peter used his flying powers to get after him. Lois, Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland, Brian and Stewie came onto the scene then they were all cheering him on. "Show him who's boss!"
Peter flew to where James Woods was controlling Mecha James Woods. "I laugh at your pathetic whims! Peter Griffin! Think you're a superhero now? You must have a death wish. Have any last words before I finish you off?" Peter spouted, "Yo Mamma's Trailer Trash! Lives on Welfare Checks and Works at A Greasy Spoon!" "ooooohhhhhhhh!" Quagmire said. "No one talks about my mother like that!" James Woods yelled as he pulled a controller and have the hand of Mecha James Woods try to punch Peter. "Swat you like flies on shit!" James Woods insanely laughed. Peter dodged James Woods's attempts to defeat him. James Woods controlled Mecha James Woods to destroy some houses in the neighborhood and tries to stomp on some people. "STOP! DON'T DO IT! THE PEOPLE!" screamed Peter.
Lois shouted, "Get that maniac!" "He ruined my TV pilot!" yelled Brian. "He almost lured us to our deaths at the mansion!" yelled Quagmire. "Kick his ass!" shouted Joe. Peter said as he punched the Mecha James Woods robot, "You have tried to take over my family and town for the last time! ATOMIC PUNCH!" James Woods's felt a hideous displeasure about Peter punching him with his wind gust powers. "Time to get reimbursed! You son of a bitch!" James Woods shouted then he used a controller on his Mecha James Woods robot to deliver a kick that sends Peter flying. "Yes! Yes! Score! Now it's time to take some prisoners!" James Woods boasted. The Mecha James Woods robot picked up Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire. Peter comes back and tries to use his powers again, but failed.
"Oh no! Oh no! This isn't happening! This is NOT happening! " Peter cried. "Oh it's happening, sweetheart!" James Woods teased. "PETER HELP!" yelled Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire. "Try it again!" suggested Brian. Peter tries to use his powers again, but failed once more. "I lost the gift! I lost the gift!" Peter couldn't believe that he lost his powers. James Woods controlled his Mecha James Woods robot to take Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire to his light house in New Hampshire. Peter fell on the ground and broke down and cried. "Peter, it's okay! We will find a way to have your friends somehow. Powers or not." Lois assured him.
"I wasn't around when this was going on, but perhaps Peter's powers were just temporary." Brian theorized. "He acquired those powers when he used gas to light up a grill then it caused an explosion." Lois explained to Brian as she recalled. Brian looks over Stewie thinking maybe he could help Peter get back his powers. "What? Why are you looking at me for? I'm not helping that cretinous harlequin!" "Nobody asking you to," yelled Brian.
Peter gets up and decides to retire from the Superhero business. "Know what? Maybe I'm just not cut out for this superhero stuff. It doesn't last forever." "Don't say that! You were a wonderful hero! And you still can be!" said Lois. Peter continued feeling very shamed, "Like Hollywood Fame. It's true. Just ask Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears. Where ever those whores may be!" "Peter, your friends got abducted! You just going to take that?" asked Brian. "James Woods has won," Peter sobbed. "From this day forward I am going to be normal Peter."
Lois, Brian, and Stewie look at Peter with concern. Stewie said, "Brian and I meet Sylvester Stallone today."
*
In the light house in New Hampshire, James Woods gloats over Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire. The three of them were encased in glass tanks. "Peter has lost this powers! He will never find you!" laughed James Woods. "Be that as it may but I'm a cop! Maybe I will save us and kick you ass, Woods!" dared Joe. "How you can do that when you're under glass!" James Woods taunted. "What are you going to do to us?" asked Cleveland in a hoarse voice. "While you guys are in those tanks, I am going back to Quahog to destroy the whole town. Kill Peter Griffin, marry Lois and take over the town where I shall rule!" James Woods speaking of his plans. "It may not be today, or tomorrow! But somehow Peter will brutalize you!" warned Quagmire.
"Oh, really! Too bad the three of you will be dead if he ever gets here!" James Woods spoke as he turned on a faucet to the tanks Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were encased in. "Oh, shit!" said Quagmire as he looked at the water rushing in. "This reminds me of the time I went to the land of Wuz and kidnapped Butter Bear!"
Cutaway Scene:
At Quagmire's house, Butter Bear the Wuzzle was tied to a chair. Quagmire was rubbing his hands in excitement. "What the beep did you say you are again?" asked Quagmire. "I'm Butter Bear! Please don't hurt me!" pleaded Butter Bear! "Don't worry, you little Wuzzle bitch! You won't feel a thing! If you know what I mean!" Quagmire said as he dissolved a drug in a glass full of water. "Now, drink this!" ordered Quagmire.
Lois was driving around town, now was a woman with a plan. She rode by a failing K Mart. "I need for Peter to get back his confidence." Lois thought. "We can't let James Woods win!" The car Lois was driving pulls into the K Mart and parks in the lot. Lois walked inside. Much to her disturbance and dismay, she sees Peter working at the K Mart deli. "WHAT?" Lois gasped. "Hello, welcome to K Mart! Would you like a K Mart sub?" Peter asked a costumer. The person Peter was helping bought the K Mart sub. "That'll be $3.98! Thank you have a happy K Mart day! See you soon!" Peter said. Lois groaned and bolted, marched up and stomped her feet to the K Mart Deli. "PETER! Did you quit your job to work at K MART?!" Lois practically yelled. She continued, "K MART SUBS! NOBODY GIVES A FLYING BEEP ABOUT THOSE ANYMORE!"
"I beg to differ! I brought them back! To answer your question, I work here now! Since i don't have my powers, I'm normal! oops! Move out Lois, I gotta make an announcement!" Peter said then he grabbed a microphone. "Hi, Welcome to K Mart! Here at our K MART deli we have K Mart Subs! For $3.98! As always, thank you for shopping our K Mart!" "Peter, you can't just stand by and....." before Lois can finish a demanding costumer goes ahead of her. "Welcome to K Mart! Want a K Mart sub!" asked Peter. "That's what I'm here for!" said the costumer. "What would you like on it? Bologna? Mustard? Salami, HAM?!" "Give me the sub!" demanded he costumer. "Would you like some Blue Light special with that?" asked Peter. "Just bring me the damned sub!" yelled the costumer. "Woah! Must be a little K-Mad!" laughed Peter.
The costumer had enough of Peter's nonsense and grabbed the K Mart Sub and gave Peter $5. "Bye! Have a happy K Mart day!" Peter waved. "Keep the change, goofy asshole!" the costumer spurred walking off. "Peter, come off this! I want the Atomic Punch back! Quahog and possibly all of New England need you now more than ever!" Lois persisted.
"No! I am not going back to that lifestyle! Ever again! You can't persuade me! Why? So I can lose my powers and fail? Then all of Quahog will brand me a loser?" Peter sneered at his wife. Lois ignores Peter's doubtful rants. She walks off and then come back with a grill, charcoal, and gasoline. Peter was confused. "Lois, what are you doing?"
"Look Peter! Guess what I'm doing?" Lois said.
"No, no, no! Don't." protested Peter.
Lois puts charcoal into the grill and pours gasoline in it. "You're going to get your confidence back......"
"Lois, please! I beg! I'll just fail again!" cried Peter.
"This is all the more incentive you need!" said Lois. Then she lit the grill threw it in Peter's direction and the grill exploded that sent Peter flying. Mort sees the whole thing and runs away, "This place has gone to pots!" The Explosion sent Peter flying then falls back to the K Mart Deli. Lois says, "Peter, try to punch the air!"
Peter punches into the air and his wind gust powers are back! "All right! My powers! They've returned! I'm back in business!"
"Now fly!" ordered Lois!
Peter jumped into the air then flew a little ways.
Lois grabs the microphone, "Attention all shoppers of this withering K Mart store! The Atomic Punch is back in action!"
All the costumers and shoppers cheered. Peter finally got his willpower back!
"Excuse me, Lois! I got a villain to defeat! And some friends to save!" Peter proudly swaggered.
"Go kick some James Woods Ass Peter Griffin!" called out Lois. "Yes! Knew that would work!"
Peter flies back to his house and dons on his Atomic Punch costume and was once again a man of action.
"ATOMIC PUNCH AWAY!!!!!!"
*
The theme to Underdog plays but the lyrics were changed:
When criminals in this world appear,
And break the laws that they should fear,
And frighten all who see or hear,
The cry goes up both far and near for
Atomic Punch!
Atomic Punch!
Atomic Punch!
Atomic Punch!
Speed of lightning, roar of thunder*,
Fighting all who rob or plunder
Atomic Punch! Atomic Punch! ATOMIC PUNCH!
Peter Griffin was back in action as the Atomic Punch thanks to Lois. Peter was flying through the airs of New England trying to locate James Woods's hideout. "So happy these powers were given to me! Good thing Meg didn't get these powers!"
Peter happily boasted. He kept on flying until he spotted Mecha James Woods the Giant golden robot James Woods had built right next to the lighthouse where Cleveland, Joe, and Quagmire were held. "A-HA! Your ass is mine now, James Woods!" Peter flew to the lighthouse and demolished Mecha James Woods with the use of his gust of wind powered punch without him knowing.
Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were practically drowning in the tanks they were encased in. "HA HA HA HA! At last Quahog will be mine! Now that the Atomic Punch is out of commission!" James Woods crackled. Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland were glubbing in the water struggling to hold their breaths. James Woods goes to his Mecha James Woods to make Quahog go in ruins once more only to discover that it's been broken to pieces. "BBLLLAAAHHHHHH!!! WHO DID IT! WHO DID THIS TO MY MECHA JAMES WOODS?" he yelled.
"Looking for this?" Peter Griffin said calling out. James Woods turned around and screamed. "YOU!!!! I thought you gave up!" yelled James Woods. "The Atomic Punch NEVER QUITS!" screamed Peter. "You're in big trouble now, mister!" James Woods revved up to try to beat up Peter. Peter laughs, "That's a line from Full House!"
"Stop mocking me! " shouted James Woods. "Have anything to say?" asked Peter gloating. "Yes I do! I will NOT be done in by a poorly dressed soon to be dead guy!" Then the actor tried to play his last card. "You may have beaten my Mecha James Woods, but I'm afraid your friends are dying!" Peter saw Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire drowning in the tanks then decided to do use his powers. "Use all your powers all the want. They can't hold their breath much longer! And if you break them out, they will die anyway from broken glass!"
"That's what you think! ATOMIC PUNCH!" Peter yelled. His wind gust punch freed Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire from the water tanks. The three of them were okay and caught their breaths. "Taught myself to hold my breath for a long time. heh heh! Choking myself has really improved!" said Quagmire. "Recall when you did that when we had Jeff Fecalman killed!" said Joe.
"No NO! I need another chance! Must achieve and.....uh......achieve my plan no matter what it takes!! Even if I have to chase you all from hell and back to do it!" James Woods rambled in denial about his defeat.
Peter had a plan, "Cleveland and Joe, go grab James Woods! Quagmire, nail his ass!" Joe and Cleveland pulled James Woods back and forth by his arms and Quagmire found a hammer and nailed the seat of James Woods's slacks to the floor.
"What are you going to make me do? Let me guess, the same old shit! Have me follow a trail of Reeses Pieces again?" James Woods stated sarcastically. "Nope an even worse fate for you, pal!" said Joe. "We have something much better suited for you, ass wiper!" said Cleveland. "Something you're really going to love, cock licker!" said Peter to James Woods's face.
"I will not go down! I will go up in victory!" James Woods promised. "You're going up all right! In the air!" Peter spoke as he flew in James Woods's way. "ATOMIC PUNCH!" James Woods soon felt the wrath of Peter Griffin's Atomic Punch powers, a huge wind gust that blew him away and because of Quagmire nailing the seat of his pants to the floor, James Woods flew up in the air in his underwear.
"NNNNNOOOOO!!!!! PETER GRIFFIN YOU COCK SUCKER DICKHEAD ASSHOLE! I ABHOR AND HATE YOU! NOW I'M GOING TO BE SEEN IN PUBLIC IN MY UNDERWEAR!!!!! THE TABLOIDS WILL MURDER ME!" yelled James Woods flying away into oblivion. "You should've thought about that before trying to terminate my town and dominate my family!" Peter yelled out. "Oh Peter! I knew you would make it!" complemented Cleveland. "So glad you came when you did! You saved our asses!" said Joe. "It pays to have a friend like you, even if you can be a son of a bitch sometimes!" said Quagmire.
"You all have to admit! I commit!!" laughed Peter. "Let's all go home! Or I'll race you all to Rome!" Joe called the Quahog police station and had his men recover the melted gold James Woods used to make Mecha James Woods. All the gold was returned to Quahog. "I was on the brink of giving up, then Lois gave me my powers back." Peter explained. "That's amazing, you're so lucky to have Lois care so much!" said Joe. "Wish she'd be mine." muttered Quagmire.
Peter laughs, "I saved the day! No more James Woods standing in the way! Superheroes have a way with rhymes!" "This calls for a celebration!" suggested Quagmire. "Indeed we shall!" said Peter. Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland, and Peter exited the light house. A dog was barking and coming to their presence. "Think I hear him!" said Peter. The dog turned out to be Barkley the huge orange dog from Sesame Street. "Hey, that's Barkley from Sesame Street!" laughed Cleveland. "Why not commemorate by playing with him!" asked Peter. "Let's go for it!" yelled Joe.
Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire all happily chased and played with Barkley on a bridge, then around a tree as the closing theme song to Sesame Street played.
The End
The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production.
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