FicWad

To say that I'm defiant is an understatement, according to most people I know, I'm downright reckless.

This didn't always sit well with my friends.

It's caused... certain things to happen that I regret now. It's put huge gaping holes of silence and rifts in deep friendships that have never healed.

I've lost people I love to my own foolish recklessness, people that trusted me, and my terrible sense of judgment.

I can't say that I've tried to fix these friendships, because then I'd be lying, not only to you but to myself. It's not something I try to do anymore, lying, that is. It has only ever made things worse.

Of course everyone knows that old habits are hard to break.

I have tried to better myself, to stop being... me. But who am I to deny myself... from myself.

There are so many things in life that we want to change, so many nights that we wished instead of staying silent in the dark that we spoke out and said something.

I haven't always spoken to the darkness, but I have followed it. Searching for a sort of fulfillment that would lead me back to where I was before.

There's only one problem with that. You can never go back, only forwards.

Everything you do in life affects someone else. Be it small or big. It could be for the better, or it could be for the worse.

Its not just a bunch of crap that I'm spewing at you right now, I'm sharing in a lack of detail, events of my life that have changed me. Made me who I am today, the person you see before you is not the person from five years ago, or ten. He is today. He is now. And He is a better, and a worse person for all of the things that have happened to him.