Categories > Books > Harry Potter > What Now, Severus?
Zelda looked pensively at Severus. The departure of the three teens made the garden echo with silence. She inhaled deeply and said, "It'll be really empty when you're gone too."
Severus held his hand out to her. "Come along, my girl," he said coaxingly, leading toward the house.
When they were inside, he locked doors and closed curtains with his wand, and then led her to the bedroom, shutting the door against feline invaders.
"Now what?" she asked ironically, her eyes dancing as she sat down.
"Now that we do not have to entertain Potter and his friends, I propose to spend much more time here," Severus said, unbuttoning his shirt. "Do you prefer to take your clothes off, or shall I Vanish them?"
"I'll do it, thanks," she smirked. "But maybe I'll watch you first."
He was shocked and somewhat embarrassed that she proposed to watch him undress. But Zelda had once before declared him to have control issues, he reflected cynically. Perhaps they would see.... He did not remove his shirt, but stared intently at her.
As she saw his thoughts, a slow blush appeared. After a brief struggle with herself, she stood up, her mouth twitching. He arched his eyebrow, and she saw his wordless instruction. She slipped out of her sundress and stood before him in her undies. Severus smirked encouragingly, and allowed her to take off his shirt. He sat down on the side of the bed and she knelt before him to remove his boots and socks.
She reached for the button on his pants, but he murmured, "Not yet, my girl."
She looked again, and blushing more deeply, she took off her bra and panties and stood naked before him.
"That's much better... I do not generally tolerate impudence, darling," purred Severus. His eyes gleamed as he savored the game. "I hope you understand now, that I will not be dictated to."
Her eyes narrowed briefly in irritation, but this side of Severus definitely needed exploring, she realized gleefully. She met his gaze, a challenge in her blue eyes and said, "But you'll dictate to me, Professor Snape?" A slow smile appeared on her lips. "What do you have in mind?"
He laughed then, pulling her into his arms and kissing her languorously, as she straddled his lap. Merlin, what a delight she was... he thought smugly, enjoying her enthusiastic kisses, and the feel of her hands moving from his shoulders down his bare back.
"One of us is overdressed," whispered Zelda, biting his earlobe delicately and sucking on it. She pulled back, kissing her way along his jaw, and looked in his eyes, using Legilimency to offer him her own sensations.
He felt her desire as though he shared her body. It shocked him, even knowing she loved him, that she could want him this much. His hands slid down the length of her body and he felt the thrill that shot through heart his touch, and the fiery heat between her legs. He offered her his feelings in return; she grinned and he finally gave allowed her to undress him.
Zelda had his pants off like magic, Severus thought wickedly, as her budding Legilimency sent her hands and mouth precisely where he wanted them. With Zelda, he realized, the nakedness he normally abhorred was his preferred condition. He had always avoided physical contact, but he craved her touch. He groaned contentedly and proceeded to demonstrate, as he had earlier in her back garden, that occasionally submission has its own reward. Afterward, they lay breathless again in each other's arms.
"Severus," Zelda said quizzically, "how real was that, just now? Do you actually need to be the dominant one with me?"
Severus flushed slightly, and said, "Do you mean you do not like it?"
Zelda's lips twitched, and she blushed crimson. "You know perfectly well that I... um... love it. Maybe too much."
He fondled her breast and replied, "Is it a problem? Your obedience is utterly delightful, my girl."
Zelda's outspoken adult self wanted to take a holiday and simply revel in doing what they both wanted. There was no reason why she shouldn't...
"I'm confused, Sev. I never thought I could... oh Goddess..." She blushed deeply and looked away. "If it's only here, between us, I..."
"Yes?" he prompted hopefully.
"You don't think that I'm really this submissive idiot, or that I'll always let you be in charge, do you?" she burst out. "If that's what you want, I can't do it."
Severus considered her concern; she was far more intelligent than he was, in many ways. He would be a fool to try to truly control her; it would demean both of them... but this... he could not see a problem.
"You did say that I am a mess, dear girl. If you, who are so clever and competent, can allow me to play my little games, then I think you must therefore love me," he said, looking rather embarrassed.
Zelda met his gaze ruefully. "I love your 'little games' so much I'm afraid I'll get lost in them," she said frankly. "I adore that I can't boss you around, and... I'm afraid I adore you telling me what to do... sometimes. But can you possibly respect me?"
"Of course I respect you," he replied, startled. Was that all she was worried about? "Come here, my girl. We must discuss grim reality at some point, but not until I have had my fill of you. If that is possible..."
Zelda saw that he meant it, and realized that she trusted him to help her understand later. She snuggled up to him and went to sleep.
Severus lay awake thinking. He had never spent much time thinking about the nature of relationships between men and women, and so did not understand her worry. He loved her and knew that she loved him, so nothing else should matter.
But then he thought of his parents. He did not know why they married each other, but he remembered poisonous misery between them. The tension in his childhood home had tainted every memory. Even Zelda, who loved him, had been married and miserable. Would that happen to them?
His arms tightened around her. Having found her after so long alone, he hated the idea of their becoming miserable. He would always love her, he knew, but could she love him if she knew everything about him?
Zelda woke up, feeling the tension in him, and watched silently as he fretted.
"Sev?" she said, kissing his cheek. "What's wrong?"
"Is it enough that we love each other?" he asked nervously. "If we had time enough together, would we resent each other?"
"Oh," she replied with a sigh. "Did you just think of that now?"
"I cannot think of many people who are happy together," he said, frowning. "Is it inevitable that if we had time enough, we would be miserable?"
She sighed and said, "Not inevitable. But it's difficult being lovers, and I frequently doubt myself." She stroked the crease between his brows and said, "I'm sorry I made you worry. In my experience, honesty and intention are essential. And love. No one's ever been more honest with me than you, Sev, and there's no doubt that we love each other, as mad as it is."
"It is not mad," he snapped, causing her to smile. "I believe it is inevitable."
"I over-think things and I have tons of baggage," said Zelda earnestly.
"My girl, we can have our little game," he said reassuringly. "You have not seen a person under the Imperius Curse, completely controlled. I have seen it, and it is monstrous. I will never force you, Zelda."
"I believe you," she said, "and that's what made it fun." She wriggled happily against him, creating a delightful friction. "It's my cursed baggage, love, not you. I love to see you happy. You haven't had much fun, have you?"
Severus flushed. "I am having fun with you," he mumbled.
"I hope you are." Zelda smiled, brushing her lips lightly over his, and running her fingers through his black hair.
Severus responded by kissing her lips persuasively enough that they opened to him. Eventually he began moving his mouth down her body, tasting, sucking and lingering at her breasts before traveling further. Her skin was deliciously soft and he wanted more of her. The touch of his tongue on her inner thigh made her gasp in delighted anticipation. She quivered and spread her legs as he explored her deliciously, finding exactly the right spot and licking tenaciously. Her climax rocked her entire body, and his ability to delight her thrilled him.
"Severus..." she panted, still breathless as he put his arms around her. "Oh... no one's ever done..." she giggled shyly, still tingling exquisitely.
He was thrilled that he could be the first at something, and as they gazed at each other, she saw his thought.
She frowned absurdly. "Haven't you realized that you're the best, my dear boy? I'm such a freak I was only ever with my pathetic, selfish ex-husband before you. You're the most amazing lover I could imagine," she stated with conviction.
"Really?" he asked, startled and pleased at her admission.
Zelda laughed and hugged his neck. "Did you imagine that I was a world-class tart?" she quipped. "Sorry to disappoint you."
"I don't know, sweet girl, except that you seem so... expert at everything," he said.
She was silent for a minute and then she smiled brilliantly. "It's really only Legilimency, and my earnest desire to please you."
Their eyes met, and their mutual happiness flowed between them. They fell asleep in deep contentment.
Dawn came early, and Zelda slid from the bed and made coffee. She went outside to watch the sunrise and make plans for when Severus left. She sipped her coffee sadly, thinking she should leave for a few days. But not back to nature, where she knew she would brood. Perhaps instead she should go to Chicago.
It felt shallow and stupid, knowing what Severus would face when he left her, to think of taking a vacation. But she could do nothing for him, she thought helplessly, except assure him that he didn't have to worry about her.
"Good morning, my girl," Severus said, startling her. He kissed the top of her head and sat in the chair next to hers, holding a cup of black coffee. "I missed you."
"Good morning, Severus. I'm so glad you're here," she replied. She was startled at the stunning familiarity of this remarkable looking man, with his serious black eyes and pale skin. She'd never known anyone who resembled him, and he was completely wonderful to her.
His black eyes saw her thought, and he took a deep breath. "I had to be dragged completely out of my life to find you," he said. "I never hoped to survive, nor did I actually care... but Zelda, I want a future with you. When it is over, if I survive, I want you to come back with me to Hogwarts."
Zelda was stunned. "Severus... I don't know. If we had time..."
"I love you," he said irritably. "Can you doubt that?"
"Of course not, but you're a powerful wizard. You're brilliant. In fact, you're Nature's Nobility." Her mouth twisted ironically, and she added the obvious. "I'm a Muggle."
"You are my love and we belong together," he said. "That book is rubbish. I am sorry I brought it."
She looked longingly at him, but her mouth remained stubbornly firm. "I don't belong at Hogwarts. I'm no witch, and you could no more live as a Muggle than I could become your Minister of Magic."
He grew anxious, time was short, and he could not leave her while he was unsure of her. Impulsively he knelt in front of her and grasped her shoulders, blurting out, "Marry me, Zelda. Please, my girl, I... need you."
She gasped. "You'd be despised for marrying me," she said, "When I found you there was only you, and I'll always love you. But I..."
He glared furiously at her. If she loved him, how could she deny him? "I am despised for myself, and in fact, I am wanted for murder," he scowled, and as she remembered what he'd said about the incident on the Astronomy tower, tears began to fill her blue eyes.
She pushed herself away from him and began to pace back and forth. Then she flung herself back into the chair, while he looked on, still puzzled. Looking wildly at him, she said in a defeated voice, "I've /been married/. I made that promise once and it shattered me when it collapsed... even though he was nothing, compared to you."
She looked utterly stricken, adding in a low voice, "I'd rather die than fail at marriage with you."
Severus stared, finally understanding her. He had no doubt, though, that time would help her to conquer her fears. He sighed, searching for words to undo what his hasty act had caused.
He knelt again in front of her and took her hands in his. "Zelda," he said gently, "I am sorry. I still feared that you would forget me or stop loving me after I leave here."
Her eyes flew open wide, and she said earnestly, "Sev, you're part of my soul. Loving you makes me more complete than I imagined was possible."
He smiled, mischief gleaming again in his black eyes. Her reaction had removed all his doubts. "Can you forgive me for asking you to marry me?"
She put her hands on his thin cheeks and looked into his eyes. "I'm honored." She stroked his lank hair back, running her fingers through it. "I don't deserve you," she whispered, as she leaned forward and kissed his hooked nose, before then touching her lips to his.
Severus stood up and said, "We need breakfast."
"Are we all right?" Zelda asked timidly, as they walked back to the house.
"We are fine," he said, reaching for her hand.
"Sev... how could this happen between us? I looked at the calendar this morning, and I only found you five days ago." She shook her head irritably. "But... probably before you can remember, I felt something... I felt as if I recognized you."
"When was this?" Severus asked seriously, as he refilled their coffee cups and sat down across from her.
"I got you to the van, you were unconscious. I knew it hurt you to be dragged that far," Zelda replied, sitting down at the table and reliving it in her mind. "There was nothing else I could do."
She offered her memory of that day to him. He had forgotten, as the result of his concussion, what it was like. His memory took him back to Bellatrix's vile presence as she mocked him, stripped him and touched his body, then the knife and the icy stream.
"Thoughtful of her..." Zelda commented, having shared his memory. "The cold water slowed the bleeding, you know."
His lip curled at the idea of Bellatrix being even remotely 'thoughtful', but he tested his memory. There were large gaps, but he saw Zelda extending her arms up to help him, superimposed on his mother's image. He remembered embracing her and feeling he had come home at that moment.
"You know I'm not your mum, don't you?" she asked apprehensively, having shared that moment too.
"Please make allowances for an injured man, my dear idiot," he replied severely. "But that was when I knew."
"You knew... what?" Zelda asked. "Because after I got you into the car, you finally let me look into your eyes. I didn't know about Legilimency before, I thought other people see what I can see in someone's eyes. But I saw you... and you felt right to me." She reached for his hand and kissed it. "Before that I sensibly planned to bring you to a hospital, but I knew then I couldn't bear to leave you."
"I wish I had access to my library," Severus said slowly, eyeing her thoughtfully.
Her eyebrow went up, and she waited for his explanation.
"I hesitate, because you have not learned to think magically, and I fear your response will be... er... doubtful," he said with an ironic smirk.
She rolled her eyes and said, "Just tell me, okay?"
"It seems that we may possibly be... soul mates, my girl." Severus replied nervously.
Zelda began to laugh weakly. "You're joking, right? That sounds like a load of Muggle pop-culture trash." She looked pleadingly at him.
His lip curled. Severus could well imagine what Muggles might believe about soul mates, and he realized that such rubbish would rouse Zelda's insecurities.
"Soul bonds are real, my girl. I cannot explain us in any other way... although I must believe that I would love you in this life if I had never known you before," he said, an exasperated smile touching his lips. "You delight me."
Zelda stood up nervously and rummaged in the refrigerator. Once her back was safely turned, she asked, "If we're soul mates, why aren't we perfect together? I love you, but with enough time together we'd annoy each other like any other two people."
"Do Muggles believe that a soul bond makes anything easy?" Severus snorted. He pondered as he continued. "It can be rather terrifying, since it is possible that we actually share a soul. Privacy may have a new meaning now, my girl."
Her eyes were wide as she faced him. "You're serious, aren't you?" she asked. "If it were true, could we walk away?"
"Of course, but can you forget me?" he replied, loving her ridiculous, stubborn fear. "Darling, if you weren't the terrified one, I would be. This now seems more complicated."
She calmed her racing mind and said slowly, "It seems we're Yin and Yang, dear boy. An odd harmony, but it rings true to me in this moment." She added lightly, "And no, I can't forget you."
"You do not believe it, do you?" Severus asked, filled with affection for his absurd little love. Whether she believed it or not, he thought the likely bond they shared could not be broken. He now wished that he had a less fouled up soul to share with her, but realized also that it was irrelevant. In this odd pairing of two flawed people, the whole they created was pure symmetry.
"I'm skeptical," she answered, "I can't help it."
"What did you say to me twenty minutes ago, when I said I was afraid you would forget me?" Severus asked evenly. "I'll refresh your memory. You told me that I am part of your soul. Is that true?"
"Yes..." Zelda said, "It feels that way." She hugged him, wishing she could believe it. "I've never been so happy... or terrified, in my life. May I cling to my doubts for a while?"
Severus held her, pondering what their future might be. He must go back to war. If he committed horrific acts, he might wound Zelda's soul as well as his own... But he could not change course. His arms tightened protectively around her. His life was more complicated now than he could have imagined. How Dumbledore would have enjoyed this ironic situation, he thought.
"I am starving, my girl," he pronounced firmly, forcing his thoughts back to the mundane. "Our cosmic bond will wait until we have eaten."
"Fine," she replied, smiling with relief.
Severus held his hand out to her. "Come along, my girl," he said coaxingly, leading toward the house.
When they were inside, he locked doors and closed curtains with his wand, and then led her to the bedroom, shutting the door against feline invaders.
"Now what?" she asked ironically, her eyes dancing as she sat down.
"Now that we do not have to entertain Potter and his friends, I propose to spend much more time here," Severus said, unbuttoning his shirt. "Do you prefer to take your clothes off, or shall I Vanish them?"
"I'll do it, thanks," she smirked. "But maybe I'll watch you first."
He was shocked and somewhat embarrassed that she proposed to watch him undress. But Zelda had once before declared him to have control issues, he reflected cynically. Perhaps they would see.... He did not remove his shirt, but stared intently at her.
As she saw his thoughts, a slow blush appeared. After a brief struggle with herself, she stood up, her mouth twitching. He arched his eyebrow, and she saw his wordless instruction. She slipped out of her sundress and stood before him in her undies. Severus smirked encouragingly, and allowed her to take off his shirt. He sat down on the side of the bed and she knelt before him to remove his boots and socks.
She reached for the button on his pants, but he murmured, "Not yet, my girl."
She looked again, and blushing more deeply, she took off her bra and panties and stood naked before him.
"That's much better... I do not generally tolerate impudence, darling," purred Severus. His eyes gleamed as he savored the game. "I hope you understand now, that I will not be dictated to."
Her eyes narrowed briefly in irritation, but this side of Severus definitely needed exploring, she realized gleefully. She met his gaze, a challenge in her blue eyes and said, "But you'll dictate to me, Professor Snape?" A slow smile appeared on her lips. "What do you have in mind?"
He laughed then, pulling her into his arms and kissing her languorously, as she straddled his lap. Merlin, what a delight she was... he thought smugly, enjoying her enthusiastic kisses, and the feel of her hands moving from his shoulders down his bare back.
"One of us is overdressed," whispered Zelda, biting his earlobe delicately and sucking on it. She pulled back, kissing her way along his jaw, and looked in his eyes, using Legilimency to offer him her own sensations.
He felt her desire as though he shared her body. It shocked him, even knowing she loved him, that she could want him this much. His hands slid down the length of her body and he felt the thrill that shot through heart his touch, and the fiery heat between her legs. He offered her his feelings in return; she grinned and he finally gave allowed her to undress him.
Zelda had his pants off like magic, Severus thought wickedly, as her budding Legilimency sent her hands and mouth precisely where he wanted them. With Zelda, he realized, the nakedness he normally abhorred was his preferred condition. He had always avoided physical contact, but he craved her touch. He groaned contentedly and proceeded to demonstrate, as he had earlier in her back garden, that occasionally submission has its own reward. Afterward, they lay breathless again in each other's arms.
"Severus," Zelda said quizzically, "how real was that, just now? Do you actually need to be the dominant one with me?"
Severus flushed slightly, and said, "Do you mean you do not like it?"
Zelda's lips twitched, and she blushed crimson. "You know perfectly well that I... um... love it. Maybe too much."
He fondled her breast and replied, "Is it a problem? Your obedience is utterly delightful, my girl."
Zelda's outspoken adult self wanted to take a holiday and simply revel in doing what they both wanted. There was no reason why she shouldn't...
"I'm confused, Sev. I never thought I could... oh Goddess..." She blushed deeply and looked away. "If it's only here, between us, I..."
"Yes?" he prompted hopefully.
"You don't think that I'm really this submissive idiot, or that I'll always let you be in charge, do you?" she burst out. "If that's what you want, I can't do it."
Severus considered her concern; she was far more intelligent than he was, in many ways. He would be a fool to try to truly control her; it would demean both of them... but this... he could not see a problem.
"You did say that I am a mess, dear girl. If you, who are so clever and competent, can allow me to play my little games, then I think you must therefore love me," he said, looking rather embarrassed.
Zelda met his gaze ruefully. "I love your 'little games' so much I'm afraid I'll get lost in them," she said frankly. "I adore that I can't boss you around, and... I'm afraid I adore you telling me what to do... sometimes. But can you possibly respect me?"
"Of course I respect you," he replied, startled. Was that all she was worried about? "Come here, my girl. We must discuss grim reality at some point, but not until I have had my fill of you. If that is possible..."
Zelda saw that he meant it, and realized that she trusted him to help her understand later. She snuggled up to him and went to sleep.
Severus lay awake thinking. He had never spent much time thinking about the nature of relationships between men and women, and so did not understand her worry. He loved her and knew that she loved him, so nothing else should matter.
But then he thought of his parents. He did not know why they married each other, but he remembered poisonous misery between them. The tension in his childhood home had tainted every memory. Even Zelda, who loved him, had been married and miserable. Would that happen to them?
His arms tightened around her. Having found her after so long alone, he hated the idea of their becoming miserable. He would always love her, he knew, but could she love him if she knew everything about him?
Zelda woke up, feeling the tension in him, and watched silently as he fretted.
"Sev?" she said, kissing his cheek. "What's wrong?"
"Is it enough that we love each other?" he asked nervously. "If we had time enough together, would we resent each other?"
"Oh," she replied with a sigh. "Did you just think of that now?"
"I cannot think of many people who are happy together," he said, frowning. "Is it inevitable that if we had time enough, we would be miserable?"
She sighed and said, "Not inevitable. But it's difficult being lovers, and I frequently doubt myself." She stroked the crease between his brows and said, "I'm sorry I made you worry. In my experience, honesty and intention are essential. And love. No one's ever been more honest with me than you, Sev, and there's no doubt that we love each other, as mad as it is."
"It is not mad," he snapped, causing her to smile. "I believe it is inevitable."
"I over-think things and I have tons of baggage," said Zelda earnestly.
"My girl, we can have our little game," he said reassuringly. "You have not seen a person under the Imperius Curse, completely controlled. I have seen it, and it is monstrous. I will never force you, Zelda."
"I believe you," she said, "and that's what made it fun." She wriggled happily against him, creating a delightful friction. "It's my cursed baggage, love, not you. I love to see you happy. You haven't had much fun, have you?"
Severus flushed. "I am having fun with you," he mumbled.
"I hope you are." Zelda smiled, brushing her lips lightly over his, and running her fingers through his black hair.
Severus responded by kissing her lips persuasively enough that they opened to him. Eventually he began moving his mouth down her body, tasting, sucking and lingering at her breasts before traveling further. Her skin was deliciously soft and he wanted more of her. The touch of his tongue on her inner thigh made her gasp in delighted anticipation. She quivered and spread her legs as he explored her deliciously, finding exactly the right spot and licking tenaciously. Her climax rocked her entire body, and his ability to delight her thrilled him.
"Severus..." she panted, still breathless as he put his arms around her. "Oh... no one's ever done..." she giggled shyly, still tingling exquisitely.
He was thrilled that he could be the first at something, and as they gazed at each other, she saw his thought.
She frowned absurdly. "Haven't you realized that you're the best, my dear boy? I'm such a freak I was only ever with my pathetic, selfish ex-husband before you. You're the most amazing lover I could imagine," she stated with conviction.
"Really?" he asked, startled and pleased at her admission.
Zelda laughed and hugged his neck. "Did you imagine that I was a world-class tart?" she quipped. "Sorry to disappoint you."
"I don't know, sweet girl, except that you seem so... expert at everything," he said.
She was silent for a minute and then she smiled brilliantly. "It's really only Legilimency, and my earnest desire to please you."
Their eyes met, and their mutual happiness flowed between them. They fell asleep in deep contentment.
Dawn came early, and Zelda slid from the bed and made coffee. She went outside to watch the sunrise and make plans for when Severus left. She sipped her coffee sadly, thinking she should leave for a few days. But not back to nature, where she knew she would brood. Perhaps instead she should go to Chicago.
It felt shallow and stupid, knowing what Severus would face when he left her, to think of taking a vacation. But she could do nothing for him, she thought helplessly, except assure him that he didn't have to worry about her.
"Good morning, my girl," Severus said, startling her. He kissed the top of her head and sat in the chair next to hers, holding a cup of black coffee. "I missed you."
"Good morning, Severus. I'm so glad you're here," she replied. She was startled at the stunning familiarity of this remarkable looking man, with his serious black eyes and pale skin. She'd never known anyone who resembled him, and he was completely wonderful to her.
His black eyes saw her thought, and he took a deep breath. "I had to be dragged completely out of my life to find you," he said. "I never hoped to survive, nor did I actually care... but Zelda, I want a future with you. When it is over, if I survive, I want you to come back with me to Hogwarts."
Zelda was stunned. "Severus... I don't know. If we had time..."
"I love you," he said irritably. "Can you doubt that?"
"Of course not, but you're a powerful wizard. You're brilliant. In fact, you're Nature's Nobility." Her mouth twisted ironically, and she added the obvious. "I'm a Muggle."
"You are my love and we belong together," he said. "That book is rubbish. I am sorry I brought it."
She looked longingly at him, but her mouth remained stubbornly firm. "I don't belong at Hogwarts. I'm no witch, and you could no more live as a Muggle than I could become your Minister of Magic."
He grew anxious, time was short, and he could not leave her while he was unsure of her. Impulsively he knelt in front of her and grasped her shoulders, blurting out, "Marry me, Zelda. Please, my girl, I... need you."
She gasped. "You'd be despised for marrying me," she said, "When I found you there was only you, and I'll always love you. But I..."
He glared furiously at her. If she loved him, how could she deny him? "I am despised for myself, and in fact, I am wanted for murder," he scowled, and as she remembered what he'd said about the incident on the Astronomy tower, tears began to fill her blue eyes.
She pushed herself away from him and began to pace back and forth. Then she flung herself back into the chair, while he looked on, still puzzled. Looking wildly at him, she said in a defeated voice, "I've /been married/. I made that promise once and it shattered me when it collapsed... even though he was nothing, compared to you."
She looked utterly stricken, adding in a low voice, "I'd rather die than fail at marriage with you."
Severus stared, finally understanding her. He had no doubt, though, that time would help her to conquer her fears. He sighed, searching for words to undo what his hasty act had caused.
He knelt again in front of her and took her hands in his. "Zelda," he said gently, "I am sorry. I still feared that you would forget me or stop loving me after I leave here."
Her eyes flew open wide, and she said earnestly, "Sev, you're part of my soul. Loving you makes me more complete than I imagined was possible."
He smiled, mischief gleaming again in his black eyes. Her reaction had removed all his doubts. "Can you forgive me for asking you to marry me?"
She put her hands on his thin cheeks and looked into his eyes. "I'm honored." She stroked his lank hair back, running her fingers through it. "I don't deserve you," she whispered, as she leaned forward and kissed his hooked nose, before then touching her lips to his.
Severus stood up and said, "We need breakfast."
"Are we all right?" Zelda asked timidly, as they walked back to the house.
"We are fine," he said, reaching for her hand.
"Sev... how could this happen between us? I looked at the calendar this morning, and I only found you five days ago." She shook her head irritably. "But... probably before you can remember, I felt something... I felt as if I recognized you."
"When was this?" Severus asked seriously, as he refilled their coffee cups and sat down across from her.
"I got you to the van, you were unconscious. I knew it hurt you to be dragged that far," Zelda replied, sitting down at the table and reliving it in her mind. "There was nothing else I could do."
She offered her memory of that day to him. He had forgotten, as the result of his concussion, what it was like. His memory took him back to Bellatrix's vile presence as she mocked him, stripped him and touched his body, then the knife and the icy stream.
"Thoughtful of her..." Zelda commented, having shared his memory. "The cold water slowed the bleeding, you know."
His lip curled at the idea of Bellatrix being even remotely 'thoughtful', but he tested his memory. There were large gaps, but he saw Zelda extending her arms up to help him, superimposed on his mother's image. He remembered embracing her and feeling he had come home at that moment.
"You know I'm not your mum, don't you?" she asked apprehensively, having shared that moment too.
"Please make allowances for an injured man, my dear idiot," he replied severely. "But that was when I knew."
"You knew... what?" Zelda asked. "Because after I got you into the car, you finally let me look into your eyes. I didn't know about Legilimency before, I thought other people see what I can see in someone's eyes. But I saw you... and you felt right to me." She reached for his hand and kissed it. "Before that I sensibly planned to bring you to a hospital, but I knew then I couldn't bear to leave you."
"I wish I had access to my library," Severus said slowly, eyeing her thoughtfully.
Her eyebrow went up, and she waited for his explanation.
"I hesitate, because you have not learned to think magically, and I fear your response will be... er... doubtful," he said with an ironic smirk.
She rolled her eyes and said, "Just tell me, okay?"
"It seems that we may possibly be... soul mates, my girl." Severus replied nervously.
Zelda began to laugh weakly. "You're joking, right? That sounds like a load of Muggle pop-culture trash." She looked pleadingly at him.
His lip curled. Severus could well imagine what Muggles might believe about soul mates, and he realized that such rubbish would rouse Zelda's insecurities.
"Soul bonds are real, my girl. I cannot explain us in any other way... although I must believe that I would love you in this life if I had never known you before," he said, an exasperated smile touching his lips. "You delight me."
Zelda stood up nervously and rummaged in the refrigerator. Once her back was safely turned, she asked, "If we're soul mates, why aren't we perfect together? I love you, but with enough time together we'd annoy each other like any other two people."
"Do Muggles believe that a soul bond makes anything easy?" Severus snorted. He pondered as he continued. "It can be rather terrifying, since it is possible that we actually share a soul. Privacy may have a new meaning now, my girl."
Her eyes were wide as she faced him. "You're serious, aren't you?" she asked. "If it were true, could we walk away?"
"Of course, but can you forget me?" he replied, loving her ridiculous, stubborn fear. "Darling, if you weren't the terrified one, I would be. This now seems more complicated."
She calmed her racing mind and said slowly, "It seems we're Yin and Yang, dear boy. An odd harmony, but it rings true to me in this moment." She added lightly, "And no, I can't forget you."
"You do not believe it, do you?" Severus asked, filled with affection for his absurd little love. Whether she believed it or not, he thought the likely bond they shared could not be broken. He now wished that he had a less fouled up soul to share with her, but realized also that it was irrelevant. In this odd pairing of two flawed people, the whole they created was pure symmetry.
"I'm skeptical," she answered, "I can't help it."
"What did you say to me twenty minutes ago, when I said I was afraid you would forget me?" Severus asked evenly. "I'll refresh your memory. You told me that I am part of your soul. Is that true?"
"Yes..." Zelda said, "It feels that way." She hugged him, wishing she could believe it. "I've never been so happy... or terrified, in my life. May I cling to my doubts for a while?"
Severus held her, pondering what their future might be. He must go back to war. If he committed horrific acts, he might wound Zelda's soul as well as his own... But he could not change course. His arms tightened protectively around her. His life was more complicated now than he could have imagined. How Dumbledore would have enjoyed this ironic situation, he thought.
"I am starving, my girl," he pronounced firmly, forcing his thoughts back to the mundane. "Our cosmic bond will wait until we have eaten."
"Fine," she replied, smiling with relief.
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