FicWad

Author's Note: So you might hate me for this chapter but it's time for things to turn around in Axl's life...And turn around in a major and unexpected way.


Chapter 15: Rain

A week of silence between the two had passed and Stella didn’t think she could take any more of the awkward accidental eye contact and constant avoidance of each other. Axl, on the other hand, felt perfectly fine avoiding Stella at all costs. He didn’t want to confront the issue at hand and talk to her. He didn’t want to be reminded of all the pain he’d gone through in the years she was gone. So, he spent his days with Duff.

“Axl, you okay?” This was the third time Duff had found Axl staring into space.

“Hm?” Axl’s green eyes looked up to meet the deep golden brown of Duff’s that had pulled him back into the present time. “Oh… Yeah. I was just thinking is all.” Axl shrugged and sipped his water.

“About?” Duff rose a brow.

“The past…” Axl’s eyes darkened as he ran his thumbs along the glass.

“Axl, you have to stop beating yourself up over something you can’t control.” Duff said as he shook his head disapprovingly. “If you’re still so hung up over her, you might as well talk to her.”

“I can’t.” Axl said, cutting Duff’s sentence short.

“Why not?” Duff asked. “She wants to talk… You obviously do too, so what’s the problem?”

“Everything’s the problem…How do we come back from something like this? How am I supposed to sit there and look at her after all that’s happened?”

“Susan and I went through some pretty shitty times before we were married and before we had children. Several of our fights put us close to ending it, a couple of times she did leave. It was my fault, my alcohol addiction, that caused it...” Duff’s brows furrowed.

“How did you get past it?” Axl asked, desperate for any solution to this problem.

“We talked to one another…Even if we had to sit there and scream at each other. We wouldn’t leave the room until we had talked it out.” Duff explained. “Even if she threw stuff at me or if I called her every nasty word I could think of…We stayed right where we were until it was worked out.” Duff explained and offered a reassuring smile to his friend. “I’ve spoken to Stella here and there since she’s come back…She’s truly sorry for what she put you through. Talk to her Axl, but remember that she’s not who she was when she left.”

“She’s changed.” Axl nodded and sighed softly. “We both have.”

“I gotta get going, I have to pick up my daughters from school.” Duff said as he checked the time on his phone and stood.

“Tell them I said hello.” Axl said, earning a nod and smile from the blonde.

“Oh, and Axl?” Duff paused his stride to the door, glancing back to the red-head. “You’re going to be okay, don’t worry about the small things. Remember to breathe.” And with that, the blonde bassist headed off to tend to his family.

Axl stood and placed his glass in the sink before heading out in the garden, frowning when he saw the dark clouds looming in the distance. It wasn’t often they got rain. Never the less, he decided he had time for a quick walk through the neighborhood, he needed fresh air.

He walked down the driveway and out onto the street, heading up the winding road of the canyon. He needed to clear his thoughts, figure out what he was going to say to Stella and how he would approach her. She’d been a ghost since they’d fought, she’d done her best to stay out of his way and make her presence known as little as possible. He thought about walking right up to the guest house door, knocking, and telling her they needed to talk…But he couldn’t do that. He didn’t want to be rude. He then thought about how he could always call her and ask her to meet him for dinner so they could talk, but he didn’t think he could eat much with his nerves so frayed.

At some point during his journey walking along the road, the clouds that had once been in the distance were above him and rain was pouring down. Making his way down the canyon road, he heard thunder rumbling only making him hurry that much faster. As he neared his house, he collided with none other than Stella who stumbled back only to be caught by Axl.

And there they stood, drenched in rain, hearts pounding and staring at each other, both slightly breathless from their runs for the house. The rain was forgotten for a moment as Axl let her go once she’d found her footing, their eyes still locked. Both aching desperately to speak but afraid to.

“We should probably get inside.” Stella was the one to break the silence, earning a nod from Axl. They quickly made their way to the house and inside, shivering as the cold AC met their drenched clothing.

“I’ll get us some towels.” Axl said, feeling awkward now.

“Thanks.” Stella managed a small smile as she watched Axl walk into the downstairs bathroom before emerging with towels.

‘Don’t worry about the small things...Remember to breathe.’ Duff’s words echoed in Axl’s mind as he handed Stella a towel before beginning to dry his hair.

“Axl –”

“Stella –” They cut one another off, both offering a bit of a smile and Stella motioning for Axl to go on.

“Stella…I’m ready to talk to you.” Axl said, there was no going back now. “I want to talk.”

“I was going to say the same thing…I want to apologize to you.” Stella said as she wrapped the towel around herself.

“It’s okay.” Axl said, not wanting to hear her apologize to him, now desperately wanting to back track on his words.

“No, Axl…It’s not okay. What I did to you was in no way, shape, or form okay. I was stupid, immature, and irrational and I hurt you. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for ignoring you, for making you go through the loss of our baby alone. What I did was unforgivable, Axl.” Stella’s eyes were filling with tears and Axl felt a dull ache in his chest, reminding him of her first night there when he found her crying.

“It’s in the past.”

“Axl…I left you to plan the funeral, left you to grieve on your own, left you alone at the funeral…” Stella’s voice was just above a whisper, tears now freely cascading down her pale, porcelain cheeks.

“You were struggling with your own demons and so was I…What happened…” Axl paused trying to find the right words. “What happened to us was enough to tear anyone apart.” He said, reciting the things that Duff had told him along his own journey to recovery.

“When I found out how much you’d been struggling, that you were almost gone forever…” Stella took a shaky breath. “I realized I had to come back. I had to see you, know that you were okay. I didn’t care if you hated me, if you never wanted to see me again.” She looked up at him and saw that he’d moved across the room, looking out at the garden like he always had when his emotions were beginning to get the better of him.

Axl was staring out the window, trying to keep his breathing steady and his feelings at bay. He didn’t want to cry anymore, didn’t want to feel angry anymore, didn’t want to question every move he made anymore. He didn’t know how to talk to Stella. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. As his mind was beginning to turn to self-depreciating ideations, he felt arms wrap around his torso and a face bury into his back. Those arms that had pulled him back into reality belonged to Stella. His first instinct was to push her away, and so he shrugged her off and turned to look at her.

“I-I’m sorry…I just didn’t want you to be upset alone.” Stella was stammering and trying to find the right words as her cheeks flushed in embarrassment as Axl stared at her with a look she’d never seen before which caused her to take a couple of steps back. He looked trapped, cornered, and tense.

“Leave, don’t come back.” Axl said, his voice raw, the same trapped expression on his face as he pushed past her, heading up the steps two at a time. He had to let her go, had to move forward. He couldn’t continue to dwell in the past. He had to move forward. Even if it meant leaving Stella behind.