FicWad

Note: Alistair McScotch is an OC I made up exclusively for this fanfiction. Since watching Bojack Horseman, I've often wondered what Todd Chevez's family was like, and what kind of relatives he has.

Then seeing the plot for the American Dad episode, "Garbage Stan" with Roger training Hayley to be a bumper pool player. Was thinking, 'what if this was Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter training Todd at Bumper Pool?" Want to find out how this turns out? Then read!



Bojack Horseman Presents


A Narwhal Puppy Production.



Color of Todd


On top of the Hollywoo Hills overlooking the Pacific Ocean. There lived Bojack Horseman. Still sad over the loss of his co-star Sarah Lynn. Very forlorn about the possibility that he may not regain the fame he once had. That's the thing about being an actor, or even a singer. Once your fifteen minutes of fame are up. It's gone for good.

Bojack roams around his once happy lively house that was full of life. Now the horse actor lives alone with a roommate he meet at a party Todd Chevez. Bojack goes into the now darkened game room where him and Sarah Lynn used to hang out. "Sarah Lynn is still here in spirit!" he thought to himself. Bojack turns on the light and was very shocked to see Todd Chevez and Mr. Peanutbutter down there. Todd was playing with a bumper pool table. Mr. Peanutbutter was coaching him.

"What are you doing here, Todd? Mr. Peanutbutter I presume. And where did that bumper pool come from?"

"It was sent to me from my rich uncle in Scotland!" answered Todd.

"You're Scottish?" asked Bojack astounded.

"Yeah, I would've thought he was latino!" chirped Mr. Peanutbutter.

"My mother is Scottish so my uncle is on her side of my family." explained Todd.

"All right. What are you two doing with a bumper pool table? Do you want to play Bumper Pool?" Bojack asked on the spot.

Mr. Peanutbutter said to Todd, "You better not get missed up with it like you did with video games!"

"Don't worry I won't!" assured Todd.

Bojack approved, "Go ahead. Have it at." Todd began to play and won about 10 times over. Bojack was actually impressed with the mad skills that Todd had for Bumper Pool.

"KIck ass! You're actually very good!" Mr. Peanutbutter exclaimed. "A natural in fact."

Possibly even better than Idaho Obese! The best player in all of Hollywoo!"

"Do I got what it takes?" asked Todd excitedly.

"We just stated that you did!" Mr. Peanutbutter spoke.

"In fact, this could be a distraction for me to help me forget about making my big comeback!" said Bojack.

"What are you getting at?" asked Mr. Peanutbutter. "Don't you see, if we take Todd around the bumper pool circuit, we can make money and perhaps I can become a pool hustler." Bojack said.

"I'm in! I'll be as 'pool' as a cucumber!" joked Todd.

Bojack asked Todd, "This uncle of yours, is he too a bumper pool player?"

"Yes he is! He's one of the best in Scotland." said Todd.

Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter had a plan. "Let's go to Scotland and have Todd's uncle train him. Then we go back to the states and enter Todd into the Bumper Pool circuit!"
"Good call! Bet you can't wait to try all that alcohol there!" Mr. Peanutbutter said as Bojack gave him a warning glare.

"We going to Scotland? HOORAY! WE'RE GOING TO SCOTLAND!" cheered Todd happily.

Bojack called Princess Carolyn to book him a flight to Glascow Scotland.




*



Landing in Glascow after a long 12 hour flight, Bojack, Mr. Peanutbutter and Todd got off the plane . "Scotland! Home of the Loch Ness Monster." Bojack said as he was impressed with the scenery of Scotland. Todd was very eager to meet his uncle. "Can't wait to see him! Wonder what he looks like?" Bojack looking around, "I just might retire here!" Mr. Peanutbutter couldn't pass an opportunity for a jab at his rival and said, "Bet the Loch Ness Monster doesn't even recall your show!" The gang, got their luggage and a butler in a black suit and spoke in an accent that was a mix of Scottish and British was waiting for them. His name was Chrome. "You Bojack Horseman, sir?" asked Chrome. "Yes I am."

Chrome was trying to remember where he saw Bojack. "Oh, now I do remember where I saw you once lad. You were that horse who took in orphan kids in that TV show you used to have? What was it......uh.....Horsin' Around! It was famous here in Scotland too!" "That was me." said Bojack. "Come right this way, gentlemen!" Chrome ordered them to get into their limo.

Bojack, Todd, and Mr. Peanutbutter went inside Chrome's limo and drove to Todd's uncle's mansion. The mansion where Todd's uncle lived was on top of a huge lush green hill with a bridge next to it. Once they got to the mansion, Chrome took their luggage out of the trunk and walked inside. Chrome saw Todd's Uncle whose name was Alistair McScotch. "Sir, some washed up sitcom stars and your nephew from the states are here to see you.

Alistair asked suspiciously, "Who are these actors you speak of?" "Uhhh, one is a Bojack Horseman and the other is Mr. Peautbutter." answered Chrome. "Bojack Horseman? From Horsin' Around? Mr. Peanutbutter? From the Mr. Peanutbutter show?" "Those are the ones." said Chrome. " Send them in!" ordered Alistair judgmentally who looked somewhat like an older version of Todd. Bojack, Todd, and Mr. Peanutbutter walked into the mansion and they were fascinated by all the possessions they see. Even a golden Bumper Pool table and trophies and ribbons all around.

Todd ran up to his Uncle Alistair and shook his hand, "Really wonderful to finally meet you Uncle......." "Alistair. Alistair McScotch!" he introduced himself. "Our friend Todd here says you are the best bumper pool player in Scotland. Are we right?" asked Bojack. "Alas you are! But first I need to see some ID." Alistair said. Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter took out their drivers license and Todd showed his uncle a picture of his mugshot, "Sorry about this, I wasn't feeling good that day. The only thing close enough I have to an ID." Todd explained. "Uhhhh, he had that horrible shit flu that was going around." Bojack said hesitantly. Alistair didn't know anything of his nephew. The fact that he was a school dropout, partied with drugs and spent some time in the slammer.

Todd asked, "My Mother used to say you two didn't grow up together, why the (beep) was that?" Alistair explained, "Our parents grew apart and my father who would be your grandpa got custody of me and took me back to Scotland and my sister stayed in the United States with my mom who would be your grandma." "That tells us everything about Todd's family history!" said Bojack. "Lets get back to the matter at hand." said Mr. Peanutbutter.

"Good enough. So what do you want to know about my Bumper Pool days?" asked Alistair. "That it runs in the family! Your nephew Todd here is awesome at it!" said Mr. Peanutbutter. "Would you like to give him some pointers? We brought him here for training and he can learn some things or two." said Bojack. "Yes, uncle Alistair. They want to enter me into the Bumper Pool circuit in the states." said Todd. Alistair thinks it over, "You know I never really had a chance to bond with my nephew, so yes. I will give him a few tips or so."

"That's great. So when do we start?" asked Bojack. Alistair hands them a small metal case. "As soon as you are done with this." Mr. Peanutbutter opened the case and it was snuff. "This is what gave me the confidence to win all my Bumper Pool matches! Now go outside I will not allow that in my house!"

Bojack, Mr. Peanutbutter, and Todd walked out of the mansion and decided to try the snuff on the bridge. "Wow! Hope my uncle can help me beat Idaho Obese!" said Todd. "Why does he want us to try this snuff?" asked Bojack. "Could be like an energy fuel." said Mr. Peanutbutter. "You know like 5 Hour Energy or Red Bull."

"Who gets the first dibs?" asked Todd.

"Better let me first." said Bojack looking out for his friend.

Bojack took a pinch of the snuff and sniffed it, then felt like he had the ultimate tune up. "Wow! This shot packs almost the same as cocaine! No wonder your uncle was so successful with this!"

"Wanna hit?" asked Todd to Mr. Peanutbutter. "No go ahead. Have fun."

Todd tried to take a pinch and he sniffed the snuff. The snuff Todd took ran up his nose that caused him to sneeze. All the snuff flew out of the case and landed on Bojack. Mr. Peanutbutter laughed. "Talk about a crack head!"

Bojack then sneezed and he landed into a pond. "BOJACK!" yelled both Todd and Mr. Peanutbutter.

Now underwater in the pond, Bojack kept sneezing like crazy that made the pond water spurt up like a sprinkler.

The pond water was all gone because Bojack sneezed all the water out.

"Hey, Bojack! This is why you need rehab!" joked Mr. Peanutbutter.

"More jokes like that, I am kicking you ass!" warned Bojack.

"We're here for a week hope you don't get sick. I need you for support." said Todd.

Thankfully Bojack didn't get sick or catch a cold.


As Bojack, Todd, and Mr. Peanutbutter were walking back from the bridge. Bojack was soaking wet. Wanting to get under Mr. Peanutbutter's fur, Bojack told him, "That pond water I splashed out was like your sperm when you knocked up Diane!" "Let's just head back to the mansion. You need a shower and a change of clothes." Mr. Peanutbutter said. Once back at Alistair's mansion, Bojack took a hot shower and Alistair had an announcement. "Tomorrow, I will train my nephew for the Bumper Pool. Let's all get to sleep for the night.


*


Morning had come, but it was not the type of morning Bojack was used to in Hollywoo. The sun peeped in his eyes. "Uhhhhh, this jet leg hangover is the worst!" He shared a room with Mr. Peanutbutter who had some pamphlets. "Did you know Scotland is one of the alcohol capitals of the world?" he asked. "Really? Do they have bars here?" asked Bojack. "You bet Princess Carolyn's bitchy ass they do! I was thinking as Todd is bonding with his uncle you and I can hit the booze!" suggested Mr. Peanutbutter. Bojack was indecisive about what he wants to do.

Either help Todd with his Bumper Pool, or go to bars with Mr. Peanutbutter. "We are here for a week. We need to do something cool!" said Mr. Peanutbutter. "But I want to stay sober so I can......" Bojack was cut off, and Mr. Peanutbutter said, "Come on! Let his uncle train him! Lets have a blast while we're in Scotland!" Bojack gives into his former sitcom rival. "If you want. Feels like The Godfather 3. Once I'm out, they pull me back in!" "Don't think that's how that line went."

Alistair comes into Todd's bedroom. "Nephew Todd. Are you ready for your Bumper Pool lesson?" "I'm up now uncle. Show me the money!" Todd said getting out of bed. Todd was wearing striped pajamas. "Get dressed first." said Alistair. "That was from Jerry McGuire! Ever seen it?" Later on that morning, Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter went sightseeing while Todd stayed behind with his uncle. Anxious to start, Todd asked, "Corner pocket, right?" "First rule of Bumper Pool is......." explained Alistair. A musical montage played Norway by Beach House with Alistair training Todd in Bumper Pool and Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter hitting the bars in Glasgow. Mr. Peanutbutter drank but not as much as Bojack did. After Bojack gets drunk, him and Mr Peanutbutter visit Riverside Museum, Gallery of Modern Art, goat farms where Bojack usually ended up making a drunken ass out of himself. Todd often wondered why Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter weren't there to support him when Alistair was training him.

"So, Todd. Are you currently dating anyone?" asked Alistair. "I have dated but I never ended up with anyone." said Todd. "Why is that?" asked Alistair. "I came out as asexual to a girl I went out with." said Todd. "Interesting....I will have to look into that." spoke Alistair in confusion. To keep with with the pace, Todd used some more snuff to keep himself focus that he finally learning to use the right way without sneezing. Todd was glad to know he had a family member who liked to get high for fun.


By Saturday, their time in Glasgow Scotland was over. Alistair was very impressed with Todd's performance at Bumper Pool after learning all the techniques. "Very well done! Indeed very well done Todd!!" "Now I can't wait to play against Idaho Obese!" said Todd. "I say you are ready sir!" Mr. Peanutbutter and Bojack walked into the mansion. "Let's go. We're going to miss our flight back to Hollywoo! Right, Bojack?"

Bojack had a bottle of scotch in his hand and yelled, "GLASGOW!!!! WWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" "Lucky for us we didn't visit Ireland!" Mr. Peanutbutter retorted. Alistair sees them off, "It was a pleasure to have met you Mr. Bojack Horseman and Sir Peanutbutter. It's not every day I meet actors from American sitcoms. Hope you make your comeback and we meet again one day." Chrome took all their luggage and drove them all to the airport. While on the way to the airport, Todd asked, "Where have you guys been? I assumed you were going to watch me? Or at least bring me back some cocaine or meth!" Bojack slurred his words, "Oh please. That's the whole reason why we brought you here. You think I know anything about Bumper Pool? "Yeah, we came here so you can be trained by an expert!" said Mr. Peanutbutter. "Then how do you know Idaho Obese?" asked Todd. "We saw that person on ESPN." said Bojack. "You couldn't have gone exploring with us. You had Bumper Pool to think about." said Mr. Peanutbutter.


Bojack had a premonition , "If we can get Todd on the ESPN Bumper Pool show, maybe a TV exec can see me and cast me in another show!" "Wishful thinking my friend!" said Mr. Peanutbutter. "When I make it big, Bumper Pool can be my job! I can get rich!" Todd thought out loud. "That's it! We can be Todd's managers! Get what I'm saying?" asked Bojack. "You want to make money off him, yes. I see what you did there!" said Mr. Peanutbutter. Todd, Bojack, and Mr. Peanutbutter made it to their flight back to Hollywoo to prepare Todd to become a world famous Bumper Pool player.

Deep inside Bojack's mind, he thinks to himself his real intentions, "Bumper Pool could be just the thing to get Todd's life in order. Get him clean off drugs, so he doesn't wind up like Sarah Lynn! Then I will never lose another friend to drugs again."

Mr. Peanutbutter thought he heard Bojack murmur to himself, "You talking to yourself?"

"Nope! Just don't want to miss my flight!"


*


The day after coming back from Glasgow, Bojack, Mr. Peanutbutter, and Todd were back in Hollywoo and were taking Todd to a Rec Center.

"Here we are! The Bumper Pool Center of the Universe!" exclaimed Mr. Peanutbutter. "Rec Center is for troubled youth, how is this......" Bojack interceded.

"Their parents work all day so they hang out here!" Mr. Peanutbutter says stating the obvious.

"How is this going to improve my performace?" asked Todd.

"Patience! The action begins behind the curtain!" said Bojack.

Bojack goes behind the curtain and comes back in five seconds.

"People back there were reminding me I am not allowed back until I pay off the money I owe on beer." Bojack speaking for himself.

"All right, moving on from here. If you beat everyone in there, you'll get Idaho Obese's attention." Mr, Peanutbutter told Todd. Who suddenly didn't feel so hot.

"Suddenly I feel shitty nervous." Todd stated.

Bojack coached to his drug addict roommate, "All you need is a pep talk! Idaho Obese! Idaho Obese!"

Mr Peanutbutter joins in and says, "Idaho Obese" ten times.

Todd begins to feel more hopeful and enthused, "LET'S BEAT HIS ASS!"

Bojack, Mr. Peanutbutter and Todd were in a room at the Rec Center where the pool tables where. Todd was playing against a motorcycle gang member that Todd wins against.

"Apologies to you Ghost Rider! This game is over!" Todd brags confidently.

The motorcycle gang member wasn't very happy about losing to Todd. His anger consumes him as he grabs Todd by the shirt, "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME, GILLIGAN?"

Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter try to reason with the disgruntled biker, "Now take it easy! It's just a game!"

"No need to take this seriously!"

"SHUT UP! Give me some money and I'll let you go!" demanded the biker.

"LIttle help here! You into drugs?" Todd cried out in fear that the motorcycle gang member was going to murder him.

Bojack gets a chair and Mr. Peanutbutter gets a pool stick and they hit the biker over the head with the chair and Mr. Peanutbutter hits the biker in the testicles with the pool stick.

Todd, Bojack, and Mr. Peanutbutter all ran out of the rec center screaming their heads off.

"Whew! That was too close of a call." said Bojack.

Mr. Peanutbutter throws a wad of cash at the knocked out biker, "Keep the money, you SOB!"

"Thought he was going to give it to me for winning. How was I supposed to know he was going to kick my ass?" Todd said.

Bojack advises Todd, "Not taking money shows you have dignity."

Mr. Peanutbutter teases Bojack, "Dignity. Which is something you know nothing about." Then Mr. Peanutbutter sees what kind of pool stick Todd was using. "Are you using a magic stick?"

"The one I've been using is like ecstacy" Todd spoke.

Bojack took a closer look at the pool stick, "You've been using the wrong kind here from what I gather. This one seems like it can screw in a lightbulb."

Before they can move on any further, Bojack, Todd, and Mr, Peanutbutter were grabbed from behind by some unknown hooligans.




*



They all woke up from getting knocked out. Bojack discovers their in the basement of Idaho Obese. Mr. Peanutbutter and Todd notice their hands were tied behind their backs and were sitting on the basement floor.

"Who tied us up like this" pondered Mr. Peanutbutter. "Guess even the world of Bumper Pool has a dark underbelly." Bojack said,

"I can't move. How can I play like this." Todd struggled.

Bojack realizes where they are. "This is it! The moment you've been waiting for. You're in the big leagues now Todd! We are in.....Idaho Obese's basement!"

"I get to play him and become very famous?" Todd asked.

"Possibly even more famous than Bojack ever was!" Mr. Peanutbutter said.

Hearing from footsteps leading to the basement, "Here he comes!"

A figure appears from the door. Then the figure walks downstairs.

"Hooray! I'm finally going to get a career in Bumper Pool." cheered Todd.

The figure turns out to be Emily. Todd's old high school friend. Todd was livid with fury.

"Her! She's Idaho Obese?!?!?!?!!?!?!" Todd yelled.

"We wanted to surprise you!" Bojack explaining his actions.

"Hey, Todd! Wanna play me? I will get you a spot on ESPN if you do!" Emily promised.

"And we figured you wanted to get back together with her." said Mr. Peanutbutter.

"I came out as asexual to her! Don't you know how much shit you put me through with this? First you take me over the ocean for me to meet an uncle I never knew existed...."

Todd was about to lash out, Bojack tries to reason with him, "We thought since you were such a natural at this. We assumed this was what you wanted?"!

"No! No more! (beep) Bumper Pool! I'm going back to partying and getting high"! Todd hollered.

"He isn't taking this very well, is he?" asked Emily.

"Go home now, Emily. You did your best." said Mr. Peanutbutter.

"This is my house." Emily said.

"Come on! Don't be mad at us! We were just trying to steer you in the right direction Todd!" Bojack calls out.
"Bite me, Bojack!" said Todd. "I'm mad and pissed at both you and Mr. Peanutbutter!" Todd got up and walked out despite having his hands tied behind his back.

Bojack still calls out to Todd, "I just didn't want you to end up like Sarah Lynn!"

Emily suggested, "Get out of my house and try to get Todd back!"

Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter walked out of Emily's house and tried to catch up to Todd. They were both embarrased to have their hands still tied behind their backs.

"Should we call Princess Carolyn?" asked Mr. Peanutbutter.

"Nah, she has better things to do." said Bojack.

"Well so much for Bumper Pool and for trying to make Todd famous." said Mr. Peanutbutter.

"Let's just go home! I need a drink!" said Bojack.

Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter walk down the streets of Hollywoo as they both head for Bojack's house.

"That's why you trained Todd for Bumper Pool? You were afraid Todd would overdose?" asked insighted Mr. Peanutbutter.

Bojack nodded his head admitting his actions. "That makes you a good man, Bojack!"

Two weeks later, when the whole Bumper Pool fiasco was behind them. Bojack was walking around a park near Malibu beach. Far away, he sees Todd sitting on a bench. Bojack walks up to his friend.

"Uh hi Todd. How's it going?"

"Hey, Bojack!"

Todd and Bojack eventually reconciled.




The End


The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production!