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SOUL-SEARCHING: THE BATHROOM WALL GUIDE

-- by: lira-chan --





CHAPTER THREE: THE THIRD INTERVIEW


It was about eight in the morning - Kyle wasn't entirely certain about the time, seeing as he'd only just woken up - and water was running. Kyle had avoided waking with the dawn the morning after his second night spent sleeping in the bathroom. However, he was just as groggy as ever upon waking, and was forced to spend a few moments working out where he was and what was going on.

After establishing that he was still in the lobby-level restroom, Kyle stretched, crawled out of his sleeping bag, and dug a Chewy bar out of his backpack. He was hungry, after all. That was when he saw the man standing at one of the sinks, washing his hands.

The man at the sink was immediately established to be a tall, broad-shouldered brunette. Kyle couldn't see the man's face, what with the way he was positioned in front of his sink, but he would give the man points for having a trim backside. Mmm, nice ass, and the guy could pull off the "business suit" look, too. Kyle would have to say hello.

Kyle rose, stretching, from his sprawl on his sleeping bag. He meandered over to the brunette, who was only just finishing up at the sink. Kyle stood at the next sink over, watching with sharp eyes as the man used both hands to turn off both the hot and cold water flows at the same time. Nice hands, too. Kyle liked hands.

"Hello."

When Kyle spoke, the man had been in the process of turning from the sink and scouting out the electric hand dryers. Kyle noted the way that the man twitched, just slightly, but the brunette kept his shock in check. Apparently, he hadn't been aware of Kyle's silent presence - a fact that would be corrected shortly, of course.

"Come here often?" Kyle joked, when a return greeting was not immediately supplied.

Kyle's brunette had successfully made his way over to a hand dryer, and the noise accompanying the rush of warm air with which the man intended to dry his hands only drowned Kyle out slightly. Kyle followed the man over to the dryers, and leaned against the wall as he continued to watch the brunette. The man was shifting his hands methodically beneath the stream of heated air, obviously doing his best to ignore Kyle.

"Not very social, are we?" Kyle groused, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

The man continued to ignore Kyle. The hand dryer shut off a moment later. At that point, the man shook his hands one last time before heading towards the door. Kyle understood the motion - his company was deserting him. Kyle had no intention of allowing the unnamed brunette to run off. Thoughtlessly, he threw himself in front of the bathroom door.

"Would you mind moving?" the brunette asked finally, after allowing himself a moment in which to recover from his shock. Having a strange man follow you around a bathroom was one thing, but being held hostage within the restroom was clearly another.

"You've got a nice voice," Kyle pointed out in response, repositioning himself so that he was leaning more comfortably against the bathroom door. Kyle really did think the man had a nice voice - at the present he sounded a bit soft, a bit strained, but the man's words were deep and resonant despite the volume. It was always the antisocial ones who gained the "physical" points in their favor, wasn't it?

"...Thanks?" The man seemed a bit off-put. Kyle was prepared to take advantage of the fact.

"And you have nice hands," he announced decisively, snatching up one of the man's hands before the brunette could be offered a chance to pull away.

"That's flattering, really--" the man attempted to say. He was obviously uncomfortable, and he seemed intent on getting out of the bathroom. Kyle ignored the brunette's wishes, of course. He chose instead to use the stolen hand to tug the man closer. He leered.

"And--" Kyle continued, cutting off the brunette's words. "You have a nice ass." After being tugged forward, the man was "within range." Kyle dropped the brunette's hand as quickly as he'd grabbed it. In its place, he grabbed the man's ass, grinning wildly as he leaned forward until their noses were practically touching. "Very nice, in fact."

In response, the man let out a sound which was half gasp, half grunt. Kyle could tell that his brunette was surprised, but he wasn't certain whether it was good surprised or bad surprised. As far as he could tell, the man pretty much just seemed panicked.

The man's arms immediately came up to grip Kyle's. The man was attempting to shove Kyle off of him, having gotten over his half a second of shock, but Kyle was prepared for that. He hung on tenaciously, his wild grin not fading in the least.

"I'm flattered, really," the man repeated, now through clenched teeth, "but I'd appreciate if you released me. Now. I could have you arrested for sexual harassment and assault, you know."

"Testy, testy," Kyle muttered, letting go of the man's ass and leaning back against the bathroom door again. "All I wanted in the first place was to talk. You were ignoring me."

"Ignoring someone isn't a crime," the man pointed out, words escaping through tight lips.

"Yeah, well, that's cute and all, but you could apologize for being such an ass or something. If you really wanted to go somewhere, that is."

"Are you threatening me?"

The man actually sounded surprised, even after Kyle had first hit on him, and then groped him. Kyle wouldn't have thought that it was still possible for him to surprise the brunette. Were threats really worse than innocent gropes?

"Never mind. Just move."

"Apologize?"

"Fine. Seeing as you've asked me so very nicely, I'll apologize for not offering a friendly greeting as you accosted me in the bathroom where I work. I'm afraid I was in a hurry to get back to my office. Next time I see you, I'll make sure that I say hi."

"That's good. So what's your name?"

"...You're impossible, aren't you? I thought you wanted me to apologize for not saying hello. I apologized, I said hello, and now I really need to get back to my work. Can't you move?"

"Name?"

"Owen." Owen was sounding increasingly more and more stressed out by the moment. Kyle realized that he was probably taking at least some small measure of vindictive pleasure out of Owen's discomfort - not that he really cared. It was fairly obvious to him that Owen was a lost cause, but that wouldn't stop him from baiting the man a bit more.

"That's nice. Mine's Kyle. You never did tell me whether you come here often or not."

Owen sighed, looking defeated.

Kyle smirked.

"Of course I 'come here often.' Perhaps not to this particular bathroom, but I tend to use the restroom at work at least once a day. Is that a crime? I really don't know what you want for me, but I have to be going, so if you'd please--"

"What do I want from you?" Kyle mused, cutting Owen off. "Well, maybe a date would be ni--"

"I think you've gotten the wrong idea," Owen pointed out, cutting off Kyle. After all the times Kyle had cut off Owen's words in the past ten minutes, Owen appeared to think that it was only proper to return the favor. In clipped tones, he continued. "I don't know about you, but I prefer women. I'd also rather like to get back to my office, as I've already said, so I really think you should step aside."

"Spoilsport," Kyle grumbled, again crossing his arms across his chest. "You really think I hadn't figured out by now that you're at least as straight as the stick you've got rammed up your ass?"

Owen only managed to open and close his mouth a few times, seeming to be slightly taken aback by Kyle's harsh language. Kyle didn't offer him the time to answer the rather rhetorical question.

"If you want the truth, I figured out as much while you were still drying your hands and telling yourself that the annoying young man addressing you doesn't exist. But because you'd been such an ass, I decided to yank your chain a bit. Make sense?"

"Perfectly," Owen spat out, his vehemence seeming somehow to be carefully measured.

"Yeah, yeah..." Kyle grumbled a bit more to himself. If all the good-looking guys were determined to like - shudder - women, then Kyle would have to get his kicks somewhere. "Just hold off on that sexual harassment suit, will you?"

So saying, Kyle threw himself past Owen and away from the door. He made a beeline for his sleeping bag, flopping down with time enough to spare that he was still offered a perfect view of Owen's shocked face upon looking up. Owen continued to stare at Kyle, open-mouthed, for a full minute more. When he finally realized that he was free at last to return to working, Owen shook himself, pushing the bathroom door open and allowing it to swing shut behind him. Kyle watched that much, before rolling over onto his side. He'd have to remind himself at a later date how very, very un-fun hitting on straight men could be.



After Owen had finally managed to escape, Kyle had decided to return to sleeping. He didn't see the point in remaining awake when there was no one in the bathroom to keep him company. He understood that oversleeping only tended to make him more tired, but he hadn't brought much in the way of entertainment. Maybe Kyle should take out his Gameboy and start playing a game. Fire Emblem was always a reliable way of passing the time.

Even as Kyle reached into his bag of essentials in order to retrieve his Gameboy, he heard the bathroom door swinging open. He hadn't heard footsteps approaching outside, and glanced up in order to see his newest visitor. It was a child standing framed in the doorway - which might have explained the lack of loud footfalls. Small children were often quieter than adults, when they tried.

The kid looked a bit confused at first; apparently he'd spotted Kyle - surrounded by his sleeping bag and overnight essentials - and was trying to figure out what, exactly, the young man was doing in the bathroom. Kyle wanted to grin. He liked kids, and the puzzled expression on the boy's round face was adorable. The kid's brown hair looked surprisingly similar to Kyle's, and once again the young man felt like smiling. The boy was the exact image of Kyle as a child of eight.

After a moment of hesitation, the child stepped into the bathroom. Without the boy holding it open, the door swung closed behind him, in an almost ominous manner. The boy smiled tentatively, directing his gaze in Kyle's direction, and moved to walk past the man. Kyle presumed that the child was headed for the stalls.

"What are you doing here?" Kyle asked as the boy passed. He'd rolled onto his side to reach his bag, but sat back up when the kid approached him. He crossed his legs in front of him at the ankles, in an attempt at looking dignified.

"Nothin'," the kid murmured in response, pausing between Kyle and his chosen stall. "Just goin' to the bathroom."

"I can see that much," Kyle agreed amiably. "But what're you doing here. You're just a kid - don't see a lot of those in office buildings, you know."

"Oh... I'm here with my daddy. He works here."

The child still sounded a bit tentative as he spoke; he'd probably been instructed not to talk to strangers, but Kyle knew his questions were innocent enough. Add to that the fact that Kyle appeared to be "hanging out" in the restroom, and any child's curiosity might overcome his worries. Children always seemed to love mystery.

"That's cool. I work here too, maybe I know your daddy. What's your name?"

"...Louis."

Once again, there was hesitation before speaking. Children weren't supposed to give out their names to strangers, but the comment about knowing Louis's daddy might have thrown the boy off. It wasn't as if Kyle was any sort of psychopath, after all. He just wanted to talk.

"I see. My name's Kyle. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, Kyle."

Now the boy sounded shy, but at least he was a little less hesitant. Ingrained manners probably dictated the latest portion of the conversation, and it was obviously hard for Louis to resist his training. Louis stood in front of Kyle for a few moments more, fidgeting, then waved and moved towards the stalls. Kyle remained silent until the boy had locked himself into a stall, not feeling cruel enough to continue disrupting the boy while he was simply trying to use the bathroom.

Kyle's polite silence lasted only just that long, however; as soon as Louis was safely shut away, he spoke up again.

"Hey... Louis... Think you could do a guy a favor?"

"Umm..." He sounded uncertain. "I don't know if my daddy would want me to... He probably wants me to come right back to his office..."

"It'll only take a minute," Kyle assured the boy, wondering if his "winning smile" could be felt through the walls of bathroom stalls. He had a feeling that lack of visibility was putting a serious damper on said smile's effectiveness. "You know where the snack machines are, right?"

In place of an answer, Kyle heard the flush of the toilet. Moments later, Louis stepped out of the stall. He looked as uncertain as he had sounded.

"Yeah..."

"Well..." Kyle murmured slowly, unzipping one of the outside pouches on his bag of essentials and scooping out a handful of change. He knew that he had at least five dollars in quarters in that pocket alone. "...You don't suppose you could swing by the machines and buy me a couple Snickers bars, do you?"

"I don't know..."

"Here." Kyle stretched out his hands, offering up the pile of change. "Just do it for me, 'kay? I'll let you keep a Snickers bar as a souvenir, even."

"I guess..." As hesitant as ever, Louis held out his hands, allowing Kyle to dump the change into them. "I'll be back in a minute."

Kyle merely grinned, watching Louis exit the bathroom, change in hand. It hadn't even occurred to him that Louis might just take his change and run off - some kids were sneaky, but Kyle liked kids. For the most part, they were much more honest than adults. Louis seemed like the honest sort, and Kyle trusted him to return with the candy, so long as no one intercepted him.



Five minutes passed and the bathroom door swung open yet again. Louis walked through the doorway into the room, clutching the hem of his shirt with one hand. Kyle couldn't help grinning - Louis had successfully bought the candy bars, and had employed the bottom of his shirt as a basket to carry them back to the bathroom. It was innovative thoughts like that one that endeared children to Kyle. Adults were such pains, but kids could be surprisingly smart, and they showed it in interesting ways.

"C'mere, kid," Kyle called, when Louis continued to stand just inside the bathroom with his back against the door.

Louis started slightly, as if he hadn't realized he'd stopped moving, and then walked over to the edge of Kyle's sleeping bag. Kyle patted the empty space beside him, and Louis slowly sat down. The candy bars spilled out onto the sleeping bag as soon as the boy released the deathgrip he'd maintained on his shirt.

"Thanks." Kyle grinned, grabbed a Snickers bar, and held it up in order to salute Louis. "Here, take one. Sit and talk for a minute."

Louis hesitated one last time, before appearing to decide that Kyle wasn't the "bad" sort of stranger his parents had warned him against. He took one of the candy bars, removed the wrapper, and shoved the end in his mouth happily. Kyle grinned.

"So, what does your daddy do in this big old office building?" Kyle chewed slowly on his candy as he spoke, merely trying to be conversational. He wasn't about to hit on a child, even if his last flirtatious experience hadn't temporarily warned him off of extravagant displays of random affection.

"Umm... Marketing? He sits around a lot with his computer, and says he worries too much about other people's money, and that he should be paid more for it."

Kyle grinned. "That's funny - I sit around with my computer a lot, only I make pretty designs on it for the company. They pay me well enough, too."

Louis appeared to consider that, before nodding slowly. "That sounds like more fun, anyway. Daddy should have asked for a job like that."

"Ah, well, it's not always about asking," Kyle pointed out brightly, as he gracefully shoved the rest of his candy bar in his mouth.

"Oh." Again, Louis considered Kyle's words, meanwhile slowly devouring his own candy bar. He finished the treat in a considerably more dignified manner.

Kyle remained silent following Louis' calm acceptance of his statement. He hadn't thought much of his own words as he'd been speaking them, but in retrospect, perhaps the thoughts applied as much to his own situation as to the matter of obtaining a job. As Kyle thought, he was also dimly aware of Louis' fidgeting. However, he was too lost in thought to pay much mind to the child. Louis' squirming only became more pronounced.

"Kyle..." Louis finally murmured, toying with the crumpled wrapper from his candy bar. "I think I should be getting back to my daddy's office."

"Huh?"

"My daddy's office," Louis reiterated. "I've been gone for a long time now, I think. My daddy might get worried. I should get back there."

"Oh," was all Kyle could manage in response, suddenly feeling more than a little bit out-of-it. "Okay. I'll see you around, hey? Or probably not - even if you show up here again, you don't know where my office is. Heh."

"Yeah... Um... I gotta go."

Louis stood, backing away from Kyle's sleeping bag and continuing to squirm. He hesitated for only a moment, before finally turning tail and heading for the door. By the time the heavy bathroom door shut behind the child, Kyle was once again staring off into space.

Kyle unwrapped a second Snickers bar, chewing pensively as he thought. He'd just been passing time in distracting the kid, Louis. Despite this being his intent, Kyle had wound up with a bit on his mind. He'd already been in the lobby bathroom for roughly forty-eight hours, and, if asked, would be forced to admit that he hadn't even planned on a time at which to leave. He was supposed to work on Monday, but he doubted his boss would appreciate his working from the restroom.

Not only that, but it would be particularly awkward to call in sick from a restroom inside the building where Kyle was blowing off work.

So Kyle shouldn't blow off work. If Kyle thought about what he should be doing, he'd have to admit that he really shouldn't be in the bathroom to begin with. He thought his plan was brilliant, but he had yet to meet someone he actually, genuinely liked. Peter had been a janitor, for goodness sake. Perhaps it made Kyle a bit shallow, but he did rather consider most blue-collar workers to be below him, in terms of dating. Or, at the least, blue-collar workers who liked their jobs were beneath Kyle.

Aubrey... Aubrey had been fun. He'd been happy and bouncy and, admittedly, kind of cute. However, Kyle was not interested in the cross-dressing scene. He might actually make an effort to get in touch with the man, if he was ever bored, but Kyle didn't even consider Aubrey to be in the same dating "pool" as him.

Owen, on the other hand, was worse than Peter and Aubrey combined. Kyle would have to remind himself to never again hit on a straight man. It was much, much too painful to be endured. The one thing gay bars had going for them was the fact that if someone was male, you knew they might - might! - be interested. Kyle chose a bathroom as a setting where he'd be able to engage in real conversations with his impromptu suitors, but he'd forgotten the fact that ninety percent of the people entering the bathroom would probably be straight. With Peter and Aubrey, Kyle had gotten lucky - if meeting a pair of individuals as "unique" as Kyle himself was truly an event to be considered "lucky."

Perhaps Kyle should give up. Perhaps he should roll up his sleeping bag, pack up his bag, and head home. He knew that Jake would be happy to see him. Jake might even be happy enough to disregard his absence, if he showed up at home before the weekend was over.

...Of course, giving up was probably what a rational person would do in Kyle's situation. Disregarding the fact that anyone who might possibly be considered rational would never set up a dating service in a restroom in the first place, rationality was not one of Kyle's strong points. Kyle wasn't rational, period.

Therefore, he would stick it out a bit longer. After all, hanging out in the company's bathroom would be the perfect excuse to use when ditching work the next day.