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Mikasa: How are you doing?

The message appeared in the bottom right corner of his screen, and Eren clicked it, unable to describe the relief that washed over him. It had been a few days since any of his friends messaged him. The only people he had spoken to were the woman from Chatango - he'd recently found out she was a medic in law enforcement, though she wasn't specific - and Levi. Levi was really weird, grumpy, and sarcastic, but Eren could tell he was really nice and honestly concerned.

Mikasa: Sorry I haven't called or messaged. We've been in a bunch of dead zones. Are you okay?

Eren: Fine, for the most part. It's really quiet though. Kinda scary, honestly

Mikasa: Oh, please. Better watch out for the big bad monsters Eren, they'll climb in through your window.

Eren: spoopy

Mikasa: And eat you because you're an idiot

Eren: Mika you're scaring me uwahh ;n;

Eren: but how are you guys?

Mikasa: Decent. It's pretty fun, I have to admit. I still wish you came with us.

Eren: Yeah, well, someone had to look after the place. I'll be okay. When are you guys coming back?

Mikasa: January 15th. A few days before the sun comes back. Promise you'll tell me when something is wrong?

Eren: Promise. I've made it two weeks, and I'm still doing fine. I've been talking with some online friends, they're distracting me from things.

Friends. Yeah, he would consider them friends. Not too extreme or anything, they had only met about a week prior, but he had been quite a lot to Levi and on occasion Hanji. The woman from Chatango, as well, who was surprisingly helpful in warding off any dark corners of his room. She chatted with him about anything and everything, from their interests to her cats to his friends, and she was very sweet. Levi never failed to make him laugh, though he didn't know most of the time. They Skyped often, though only one other time included microphones, and it was because Eren was cooking at the time.

Still, he liked to think Levi enjoyed talking to him, as the man didn't seem like the type to lie to someone about liking them.

Mikasa: That's good. I suppose I can trust you to follow the typical online safety crap, right?

Eren: no Mika I'm going to tell them where we live so they can break down the door and we can have a huge gang bang and be driven slowly insane by the darkness

Eren: Of course I'm going to be careful

Mikasa: Dork. Whatever. We're heading out now, so I'll talk to you later. Love you, Eren

Eren: love you too, tell the others I love them

Eren: except Jean, tell him to go get fucked

Mikasa: Jean just said Marco already did and at least he's getting more than you

Eren grinned in the darkness. He and Jean always butted heads. His smile faded slightly as he thought of how much he would like for even that horse-faced bastard to be here, just so he wasn't alone. He'd take all the griping and quarreling to shut out the silence.

Eren: fuckin fag

Mikasa: Eren, you're gayer than he is, you can't say that

Eren: yeh but so long as I'm single I can give him shit

Mikasa: Yeah, sure. Leaving now. Talk to you later

Eren left her on 'seen', knowing if he said anything she wouldn't see it until much, much later. A yawn overcame him as he stretched across his bed, and he rubbed his eyes, glancing at his clock. He'd been awake for eighteen hours. He supposed he should go to bed, but he found himself automatically adding another hour to the time and realizing Levi had been off work for about half an hour. They hadn't talked much yesterday, the man having been very busy, so Eren supposed it couldn't hurt to call again.

As usual, he picked up almost instantly, and to Eren's pleasant surprise, it was Levi's voice filling the room rather than a small speech bubble on his screen.

"Was just about to call you, kid."

Wow, he sounded tired, like he hadn't slept in days. Eren hurriedly turned his mic on, allowing himself a small smile. "Blessing me with your voice, old man? I'm so honored."

"Yeah, well, this is the last time for a while," Levi responded, giving an exhausted sigh. Eren recalled the man mentioning how mentally straining his job could be, and suddenly felt guilty for constantly pestering him online. "Did I ever tell you where I work?"

"Uh..." Eren scratched the back of his head, deciding to abandon his Facebook in favor of paying more attention to the man. "Some sort of police force, right? Some armed guy, I dunno."

Levi laughed weakly, sounding slightly strained, but genuine at the same time. "You're just a sponge of information, aren't you? I'm part of the L.A.P.D. I'm the leader of a S.W.A.T. team."

"Wow, really? I just thought you were a normal cop. That's so cool! So you, what, like save hostages and stuff?"

"That's part of it, yeah." There was a pause, and another sigh. "My squad is taking off to another state where they've asked for our help, and I could be gone for two, three weeks. Hanji figured I should let you know, for whatever reason, and I guess it makes sense."

Eren was quiet a moment, processing the information. At first he was a little lost, but then it clicked, and he realized what someone he didn't even know had noticed before him - Levi had become the only constant in his life, the only person keeping him on a regular sleep schedule, the only person

"You know what, old man?"

"What?"

"I'm really glad you told me, because I'm lonely as fuck out here, and I wouldn't take well to your random disappearance," Eren told him honestly. "I don't really know you all that well, but you're the only one I really talk to regularly."

"I'm flattered." It was probably meant as a snarky jab, but it wound up sounding genuine. "Does nobody else talk to you? Not your friends?"

"Not really," Eren replied wistfully. "They're always on the move, so it's difficult to get time to talk. I can't resent them for it, but it gets lonely..." He tried to keep the downcast tone from seeping through his words. He thought for a moment of the girl from Chatango, then continued, "There's one other woman I talk to from time to time, but she's kinda... plain, I guess."

"Well..." Levi seemed to be at a loss for words. "That - well - that's a shitty situation. Now I feel like a total ass."

"What for?" Eren asked, bewildered.

"I mean, not to put myself on a pedestal -"

"I feel like that's exactly what you're about to do -"

"But you sound like you'll be pretty lonely when I'm gone."

"Oh, don't flatter yourself," Eren teased, ignoring just how true Levi's words were. "I'm sure I'll be fine. How long did you say you'd be offline?"

"We expect a week to three weeks."

"Huh. Alright, listen, I gotta admit, that doesn't exactly sound great." Eren had to be honest with himself, he really didn't want to be alone that long. One week versus three? No thanks. That was basically asking if he would rather be amused or lonely and depressed. "We're not, like, best buds or anything, but ya know, I do like talking with you. So you had better not die doing whatever you do, got it, old coot?"

A laugh, and a snarky tone, "Don't underestimate me, shitty brat. I'm captain of a special forces team for a reason."

Eren grinned at his computer screen. "When will you be leaving?"

"My flight is tomorrow at eleven."

"Wow, you actually get to sleep until a decent time for a flight?"

"I blatantly fucking refuse to put my team through the torture of getting up at the ass-crack of dawn."

Eren burst into laughter. "The big bad S.W.A.T. captain can't handle early hours?"

"It's more so I can pace holes in my floor all night and still get enough sleep to stay sane." Half-joking, but Eren got the feeling he was being honest.

"You worry that much? Ew, I bet you have gross worry lines like the old man you are."

"Oh, please. My skin is baby smooth."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe it. I was born handsome, brat."

Eren was trying desperately not to laugh again, but he couldn't hold back a few snickers here and there. "Maybe you're born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline, like a fake old man. You fake old man, you."

Levi scoffed. "You wound me. I am a delicate fucking creature with delicate emotions and you will fucking treat me like one or I will claw your fucking face off."

"Yeah, your way with words certainly emphasizes that statement."

"Pfft. If all you're going to do is doubt my perfection," Eren had to let out a snort then, "I'm logging off, you fuckwad."

"Nononono! Wait." Eren grinned like a dork at his computer as he opened a new tab in his browser. "Do you play games at all, or are you too old for technology?"

Levi blatantly ignored the jibe, replying, "I don't play regularly, but I'll kick your ass at anything. What are you thinking?"

"Okay, okay, you have a Windows computer, right? Because it won't work on most others."

"Yes, I, like the majority of us American hicks, have a Windows computer."

"Cool, good. Wanna play an online game with me instead of staying up all night thinking about your job?"

"Fuck, do I," Levi replied. "Good idea. Send me the link."

After directing Levi to an online server, they spent their time as small characters taking out comical giants, chatting and joking over Skype until they both passed out on their keyboards.

.-.-.-.-.

"Hnng..."

Eren blinked away sleep, trying to clear his vision. His face was on his laptop keyboard, which was hot under his cheek. He peeled his cheek awkwardly off of it, slightly sticky with his sweat, and rubbed at his warm face. Skype was still open, though the call was disconnected. He waited for his blurred vision to clear before focusing on the tiny words on the screen. It seemed Levi had messaged him before leaving.

Humanitys-Strongest: Morning brat. Guess we both fell asleep. Just want to say good morning, rest well, eat well, and I'll be back soon. I'll try to at least contact you at some point. Hanji's Skype is psychescience and she's been wanting to talk to you. Don't let yourself get lonely up there.

It was sent at eight in the morning. Eren glanced at the clock, which told him it was fifteen past eleven. He sighed. There was no way he could talk to Levi now. He silently reprimanded himself, if only he'd woken up earlier he would have been able to at least wish the guy luck before he went out on a suicide mission -

He quickly shook his head, scolding his thoughts for putting himself down. He had no room for such negativity. Eren needed to stay positive, no matter what.

titanicjeager: Sorry, if I'd been up, I would have wished you good luck. Don't die out there, alright? I don't know if you'll even see this, it could be three weeks, it could be never. I'm hoping for the former.

Eren yawned as he plugged in his laptop to charge back up, and reluctantly rolled out of bed. He hit the floor with a small oof! and let out an exaggerated groan before forcing himself to his feet. He supposed some of the theatrics were to create a sense of normalcy for himself, though he really did feel more sluggish than usual. He couldn't fathom why, and something in his mind nagged at him, but he pushed it away. There was no sense in dwelling on what could be a dark revelation.

He crossed the room slowly, still rubbing sleep from his eyes as he knelt by his desk. The lamp was still on, was always on, to keep the small plastic container under it warm. His eyes focused on the small caterpillar, creeping along quietly on the stick inside. Eren reached out and tapped lightly on the plastic. "Guess it's feeding time, huh, thunder buddy?" He plucked a small spattering of parsley leaves from the pot beside the container, opening the lid and gently placing it in. "Wouldn't want you to die on me now, Manten. You're my only buddy in this house right now. And everyone made fun of me having you..."

True, it had been a spur of the moment decision when they'd been at the pet store, and Eren didn't even think they'd have caterpillars there. Everyone had argued against him getting it - where would he put it? How would he care for it? What about when it turned into a butterfly? - but he hadn't listened or cared, more focused on his terribad Inuyasha joke. Now, however, he entertained the thoughts as he watched the caterpillar crawl to the host plant.

"You're going to build your cocoon one of these days. I'll be alone again then. Two more weeks, buddy... what will I do once you hatch? It's too cold to let you out. Think I could let you fly around in here? Or is that dangerous? If I just buy a bunch of those plants, maybe you'll be cool." He huffed quietly, chin dropping onto the desk. "Look at me. Talking to you. You don't even know what I'm saying."

Eren stood back up with a small yawn, the sensation in his limbs fading into a shiver towards the end. He glanced around his room groggily before opting for a shower, grabbing a random sweater and sweatpants from his drawer before dragging himself out of his room. He pointedly ignored the empty bedrooms down the hall on the way to the bathroom. The house was huge - huge and empty, and he had it entirely to himself.

He hated it.

He turned the shower on and undressed as he waited for the water to get hot, knowing it was undoubtedly freezing. It typically took a good forty five seconds to heat, so he took his time, inspecting his reflection and fighting off shivers. He looked like hell. Dark bags hung under his eyes from restless sleep and unusual hours. His face was gaunt already, a look he usually didn't achieve until much further along when he was with his friends. Maybe the darkness was getting to him worse than he thought.

Eren forced his gaze away from the shocking image of himself and jumped under the hot stream of water, muscles immediately relaxing. All his limbs sagged, and he leaned against the quickly warming wall, closing his eyes. He'd just woken up, but he already felt as though he was going to pass out again. Shit, maybe that melatonin and serotonin thing was more accurate than he thought. Eren knew he should have paid more attention when Armin was teaching him, but...

Armin.

The name made a sudden wave of grief crash into him, and he staggered under the weight of it. Armin, shit, Armin was gone, would be gone for so long with the others. Armin, sweet, adorable Armin. The little blond coconut with a surprising flair for sass and sarcasm, despite his cute appearance. The most brilliant person he knew. His best friend and brother. He'd never gone more than a few days of his life without Armin, let alone two months.

Then there was Mikasa. Kind, caring, beautiful, the only blood family he had left. She'd always mothered him and he always complained, but he loved her to death. His sister was the strongest person he knew. She'd offered to stay behind in his place. He should have let her. She would have been able to take it better. She wouldn't be crumbling at the loss of company so soon. She would be strong, would be the most suited for ignoring any darkness, would be the only one who could truly fight off the inevitable depression.

Marco and Jean. Eren always acted like he hated Jean, but they were closer friends than they let on. Jean was a horse-faced bastard, but he was also loyal and honest. Marco was sweet, the peacemaker of the group, the one everyone got along with and adored. The two were so perfect for each other. They were a crucial part of the household. Eren didn't know how he'd survive without their typical bickering rituals.

Connie and Sasha were undoubtedly the life of the household. They were dorks and pranksters, neither having completed college, but both surprisingly smart when they needed to be. They were the comedy relief. Connie and Sasha were always the ones trying the hardest to keep everyone's spirits up this time of year, and Eren was sure they were doing so just as well down in Ohio with their other friends. Eren didn't have them to stave off the darkness.

How was he going to bear this time without all of them?

The loneliness hit him from nowhere. He barely had time to register it before a sob was forcing its way out of his mouth, tearing from his throat and bouncing off the tiles to be thrown back in his face. It was a pathetic noise, one that only reminded him how weak he was. How terrible of an idea this was. He was barely making it, just two weeks along and it was taking everything in his power not to break down.

And then the loneliness was burrowing into his entire being, constricting his lungs and making it impossible to breathe, filling his stomach with dread that made him want to vomit. Panic laced through him as his breath came in short, rapid pants, and he felt like he just couldn't get enough air in his lungs. His knees buckled under him, and he slid down the wall to the tile floor of the shower.

They had left him. Left him in the terrifying dark, left him to be eaten away by the depression and loneliness, left him despite all the flashing warning signs, left him here by himself while they went and had fun somewhere slightly warmer and certainly brighter and a lot happier...

Eren didn't know how long he sat under the hot water and cried. He didn't know how many tears left him, or if it was all just the water hitting his face. He didn't know how loud his sobs had been, or how on Earth he had managed to pull himself out of his panic attack. All he knew was the water was freezing cold now, and it took intense effort from freezing, aching muscles to reach forward and shut it off. It took a shocking amount of effort to drag himself out of the tub and dry off, even when he groggily reminded himself about the dangers of hypothermia.

It took ages of standing in front of the mirror with unfocused eyes before he finally started to drag himself out of his room, and he didn't make it all the way. He made the mistake of glancing into one of the empty rooms, and spent the night clutching Armin's pillow to his chest, breathing in his scent and trying not to make a mess of tears on the sheets.

He barely registered someone on Skype calling him, calling, calling, calling...