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"Psyche science . . . ?"

It took Eren much too long to remember that he had actually seen the name before. Hanji . . . wasn't it . . . ? So many messages. She did talk a lot . . .

psychescience: Hi Eren! It's Hanji. Levi is telling me you aren't answering his calls, aren't they coming through?

Eren's eyes widened slightly. Levi? Levi had been calling him? But he was on business, said they wouldn't be able to talk. Was something wrong?

psychescience: Eren, is something wrong? Are you mad at Levi for something? He said he didn't do or say anything but I know how he is.

psychescience: Please talk to me. Answer us, we're worried.

They were worried? Just because he didn't answer them? Because he fell asleep? But then again, he hadn't just innocently passed out on his laptop. So, hands trembling slightly from cold and hunger, he typed out a reply hours later, after ten plus worried messages.

titanicjaeger: I'm alright. Just fell asleep. Sorry for worrying you. Is Levi okay?

Eren opted for taking his laptop with him to the kitchen and opened the freezer. He stared blankly at the contents before finally reaching out and grabbing the frozen waffles. He padded over to the toaster, dropping two in and pushing down the plunger. He wasn't honestly sure if he was hungry or sick. Either way, Mikasa would be on his ass if he tried to skip out on meals, so he made the attempt.

Skype screaming at him had Eren nearly screeching and jumping about a foot in the air. He gave himself about half a second to calm down before he answered the call from psychescience, turning on his mic.

"Hello?" he answered wearily.

"EREN!" The screech was almost unbearably loud in the silent house, and Eren flinched away from the noise. "Are you okay?!"

"Hi to you too, Hanji," Eren muttered, grabbing his waffles and hunting for the maple syrup. "I'm fine, just making food."

A crackle of static signaled the woman sighing, and she was silent for a moment. "What are you eating?" she finally asked.

"Strawberry frozen waffles." After pouring a generous amount of syrup over his food, he grabbed a fork from the drawer by the dishwasher. "It's all I really felt like making."

"At least you're eating, that's good," Hanji said brightly, seemingly back to her usual self. "You should have heard Levi last night. He was worried when you didn't pick up."

"He was worried? He called?" Sure enough, when Eren hurriedly clicked on his call history, there were a dozen plus missed calls from Humanitys-Strongest. Guilt flooded through him instantly, washing over him in a wave of shame. "But isn't he off on business?"

He could practically hear Hanji's shrug. "He is, but it was the night of arrival, and he couldn't sleep. He thought you would be awake."

I was, Eren thought miserably. "Sorry for worrying you guys. By the way, where is Levi?"

"Over in New York, working on a gang case. They're breaking up a drug ring in the Bronx. Man, I wish I was over there with them..."

"You wish you were in danger?" Eren asked, bewildered, though he was glad his friends weren't over in the Bronx. They were in Manhattan. "Wait, you're part of the S.W.A.T. team, too?!"

"I lead my own, kiddo," Hanji told him, pride in her voice. "But one of my members got messed up pretty bad last time we went out, and my arm is still healing."

"Whoa, what happened? What were you doing?"

"Went after a mafia group causing trouble in Nevada, got shot in the shoulder. Levi lost an entire team."

Eren let out a low whistle. "Shit, how long ago was that?"

"A year ago - maybe a little less than that. His new team is capable, but it beat him up pretty bad to lose the last one."

Eren froze at that, but Hanji kept talking.

"Levi kept telling Erwin he couldn't have those three on his team, but Erwin told him they couldn't afford to miss an opportunity like that. They were all so in sync with him, his uncle and siblings. They all knew each other like they were one person. I think Levi still gets torn up about it sometimes. He has these days where he's . . . distant. There's nothing I can do for him those days."

Eren swallowed hard. "What... what happened to them?"

There was a long silence, and Eren started to fear he'd asked the wrong thing. What if Hanji got angry? Worse, what if she told Levi he'd been nosy, and the man stopped talking to him?

"I can't tell you. You'll have to ask Levi. But no matter what he says, it's not his fault, okay? That's a sore spot for him."

Eren was startled by the soft, motherly tone Hanji used, and his heart ached for Levi. To think he always nagged and griped at the man, constantly picked on him and called him names . . . Levi, who had just lost his family not even two months prior. Levi, who still had bouts of darkness and depression. Levi, who blamed himself for the loss of his squad. Levi, who had been so concerned that something was wrong with Eren and had stayed up who knows how long worrying about him -

"You alright? You got quiet there."

"I'm . . . yeah. I'm okay. I have to go. Gonna - uh - take a shower."

"Oh . . . alright. Don't hesitate to call if you need to, okay?"

"Yeah."

With that, Eren pressed the end call button, and pushed his half-eaten plate of waffles away with a grimace. He needed to stop thinking about Levi, now. Needed to stop thinking about how the man lost his entire family in one day, possibly in a matter of minutes. Stop thinking about it, because it was too similar to his own memories, to the things he'd witnessed only years prior, the wounds that had scabbed over and never properly healed.

"See this, Eren? This vein right here?"

He'd always known Grisha hated his life decisions, always known Grisha had hoped he'd become a surgeon, but never thought it would come this far. But then, something had come loose when Carla had died.

"It's a very important vein, you know. If I make a small incision just here, I could bleed out in sixty seconds, did you know that?"

"Dad, don't!"

But it was too late.

Stop. Breathe. He didn't have to think about it. He just needed to breathe. Call Mikasa. Call Hanji. Distractions . . . they didn't work, the never worked. Eren gripped the edge of the marble counter top, trying to control his breathing even as horrifying images flashed through his head.

"Sixty seconds, Eren."

"D-Dad, I don't - I don't know what to do! Please!"

"If you'd gone the route I wanted you to, you could save me. But you're a failure." Grisha's voice didn't raise. It was soft, impassive, even as he watched his son break down on the floor in front of him. "Fifty-three, fifty-two, fifty-one . . ."

"Dad, please!" Eren sobbed desperately, eyes wide and terrified. Tears poured unrestrained down his cheeks at the thought of losing another parent, at the knowledge that it was happening right this fucking second.

"Forty-seven, forty-six," Grisha continued calmly, ignoring his son's pleas. He slowly slid to the floor, voice paling at an alarming rate. "Forty-five, forty-four, forty-three -"

"Shut up!" Eren shrieked, covering his ears and squeezing his eyes shut. The silence was roaring, deafening, only punctuated by Grisha's monotone counting.

"SHUT UP!"

The line between memory and reality was blurring rapidly as he screamed into the silence, fingers gripping and twisting at his hair, yanking painfully in an effort to ground him in the present. It worked to some degree, smearing the images of blood and death-glazed eyes, impairing his view of them, but it was still there. He couldn't escape. The room was spinning in dizzying circles, and he realized with a jolt he couldn't breathe. What was wrong with him? His heart was beating faster than a frightened rabbits.

Deep in his subconscious, he knew what was happening, but then the world was fading to black and it didn't matter.

.-.-.-.-.

"-ren . . . Eren."

Eren jolted awake, only to be greeted by a clear blue sky and a gentle breeze on his face. Two young, concerned faces peered down at him, and Eren furrowed his brows, trying to recognize them.

"You ready to head back?" the blond one asked. Oh . . . Armin. It was Armin. Wait, Armin was back?

"What . . . what happened?"

"You fell asleep again," Mikasa scolded. Wait, Mikasa too? And why were they so small? "Come on, it's time to head home."

The weather in Alaska was gorgeous this time of year. Clear skies, warm sun, seventy degrees, soft breeze. Eren blinked up at his friends as the wind tossed his hair around his face, furrowing his eyebrows.

"When did you guys get back?" he asked groggily, rubbing at his eyes. The other two stared at him as if he'd grown another head.

"Were you dreaming?" Armin asked slowly. Eren cocked his head, moving to sit up. He was small, too? Remind him why that was weird, though . . . ?

"Yeah. I-I mean, I think so." Eren scratched the back of his head, thoughts muddled and not clearing no matter how hard he tried.

"Do you remember what it was about?" little Mikasa asked. Eren shook his head.

"I think . . . there was some guy and he was a cop, and there was this weird lady as his friend. And dad was . . . I think he cut himself. You guys weren't there. You guys were somewhere else, I knew where you were, but I can't remember."

"What happened to your dad?" Armin questioned. Eren squinted at him, trying to remember.

"What did happen to dad? I don't know. I'm forgetting more and more." Armin looked slightly concerned at that, but Mikasa shrugged.

"No sense in worrying over a dream," she said simply, helping her adoptive brother to his feet.

His memories were trickling away like water held in cupped hands, and soon, he had forgotten whatever he was trying to remember. "Yeah . . ." he mumbled. "Just a dream." He brushed off his pants, and then they were off, trekking through the gorgeous field.

When he halted in front of the old house, he realized with a jolt both of his friends were missing, and suddenly he was tall again, and when did he make it to his house? When had they vanished? Why was his childhood home here instead of the new one?

Something in the back of his head told him to stop worrying so much, and despite the terribly confusing state of mind he was in, Eren listened. He stepped up the creaking porch steps and pushed open the door hesitantly, calling out to the house's occupants.

"Mom, Dad, I'm home."

No response. The house was completely and totally empty, and the floorboards squeaked eerily when he stepped into the living room. So quiet. So lonely. Why did he feel as though he'd experienced this loneliness before?

A sudden rattling from the closet under the stairs had his heart nearly tearing from his chest in sudden terror, and he scrambled away from it, landing rather ungracefully on his ass. The doorknob rattled and muffled yelling reached his ears. Eren straightened up slightly at the latter, narrowing his eyes in concentration. Hadn't he heard that voice before-?

Levi.

His mind whispered the voice so clearly, in such a shockingly tender tone that he had to double-take. But he couldn't dwell on it, because Levi was in there, possibly with something else, he was locked in and could be in trouble and he couldn't even wonder why the man was in his childhood home that, by all means, shouldn't even exist -

He threw the door open, and as predicted, a short man tumbled out. But something else followed, three nameless, faceless humanoid creatures, and they leaped on the man and tore at his face, his hair, his clothes. Eren knew in an instant they were Levi's family, his uncle and siblings that he'd once lost. He couldn't tell you where he'd learned the information, but he knew, and he knew he had to help.

"Get off of him!" Eren shouted, grabbing at the nearest one. Its skin squished and melded to his grasp, and he recoiled in disgust at the feeling just as it rounded on him. And just like that, his heart stopped.

It was his mother.

Pale, frail, and very dead. Her eyes were rolled into the back of her head, hiding the warm honey color he had always adored, had always clung to in the worst of times. Now they were concealed by flesh just as they had been concealed by hatred so many times, and he backtracked quickly as fear consumed his entire being. Her skin was deathly pale compared to once gorgeous skin like Eren's (which, at the moment, was looking quite pale as well) and she was thin, ragged, skin barely clinging to bones.

She looked just like she had the day he'd sat beside her, held her hand as she glared at him with sightless eyes, and she'd whispered spiteful lines up until the moment she flat lined in the empty hospital room.

"Mom . . .?" he whispered hoarsely.

She didn't respond. Fingers with nails like talons dug into his biceps, and a sharp cry rent the air as blood welled up in the long scratches left behind.

"Eren . . . you disappointment . . . it should have been you."

A broken sob left his lips, and he clung to her shoulders desperately even as she continued to claw at his skin.

"I wish it had been me," he uttered as tears poured down his cheeks. He found himself repeating the words he always told himself to her, the words he said over and over, the lies he spat to himself to stop the self-loathing. "But it's not my fault, mom. It's not . . . so please, please leave me alone . . . !"

"It is," Carla Jaeger moaned in a ragged, miserable, scratchy tone, fingers digging in tighter and earning a shriek. "It is!"

"Leave me alone!" Eren screamed, struggling to escape the grip, even as her nails sank into his skin. "Leave me alone, you're dead! Just stay dead!"

And just like that, she fell limp against him. Eren stared at her, eyes wide with horror, as the halting realization hit him. He killed her. He wanted her dead, and she died. It was his fault. Eren slid slowly to the ground, the body atop him as he collapsed.

But before he could wallow in his misery, the body was heaved off of him, revealing a panting and disheveled Levi. Eren got a closer look, and found his breath was taken away from him. Gorgeous was the first word that came to mind. Drop-dead gorgeous. He was beautiful, stunning really, but at the same time, it was like every second trying to memorize his features was also spent forgetting them, for he couldn't get a clear picture of the man.

"Are you alright?"

It was just as he remembered. His mind could construct the man's voice at least, it seemed. Smooth like chocolate, dark like brandy, sweet like honey. His heart wouldn't stop beating . . .

"I'm . . . I'm fine."

He gave Eren a brief nod, and then he was backing away. Eren opened his mouth to ask where the man was going, but then another familiar figure came into view, one with long brown hair, glasses, and a tattered overcoat.

"Dad?"

"See this, Eren? This vein right here?" Levi spoke, and the words chilled him to the bone, the words that were forever ingrained in his memory. Rather than Grisha, the short man was holding the blade this time, hovering over the crucial artery. "It's a very important vein, you know. If I make a small incision just here, he could bleed out in sixty seconds, did you know that?"

Eren could only stare in horror as Levi drew the blade across his father's flesh, slicing it open like it wasn't even there. The blood poured out like a waterfall, and just like before, Grisha dropped to his knees, wordlessly this time.

"Fifty-nine, fifty-eight." The words came from Levi this time. "Fifty-seven, fifty-six . . ."

Eren's heart rate was increasing rapidly, impossibly fast now. Grisha was paling rapidly. Blood was spreading on the floor, was covering Levi's hands, painted his lips when one finger tapped the smooth-looking skin mockingly, thoughtfully, as Eren's world crumbled around him, as his mind and heart twisted and writhed in agony.

"Three . . . two . . . one."

Eren didn't register that Levi was approaching until his chin was being tilted up gingerly, crimson liquid smearing and running down his neck at the contact. He tore his gaze from the unmoving body to stare into those piercing eyes, barely realizing how close they were. Then he was tasting something metallic as smooth lips pressed against his own in a gentle kiss, and by the time he knew to respond to it, Levi was pulling away.

Eren awoke screaming.