Categories > Anime/Manga > Attack on Titan > Mine
"Eren?!"
"Armin, I have to do it. It's this, or he kills you."
"Eren, you don't have to! We can turn him in! Come with me. We can tell the central government. Do what's right!"
"I'm sorry, Armin. This is the only way. I have to... for us."
"For you and I, or you and him?" the blond boy spat.
"Both," the brunet responded softly.
.-.-.-.-.
"You did it, didn't you?"
Eren flinched at the almost accusing tone.
"Did what?" he asked quietly.
"Killed him," Levi answered bluntly, face unreadable. Eren was silent, chin never moving from Levi's shoulder or arms from around his shoulders. The teenager made no move to leave Levi's lap, speaking in a dull monotone.
"Maybe I did. Why does it matter?"
"Because if he was missing when I went after him, either someone else got him, or he suspected me and escaped, which would be no good."
Taking a shuddering breath, chest aching in the first emotion that had broken through in days, Eren replied, "Fine then, yeah. I got rid of him. He's no longer your problem."
Levi hesitated on his next words, a strange and foreign concept to the both of them. "Sorry."
"It was my own decision."
"But I put you in that position."
"I put myself in that position, and the decision was made by me alone."
Levi's voice had a teasing lilt, but there was also concern and guilt. Ironic. Everything had so much irony in it lately. "Not for me?"
"If I wasn't such a coward, I would have had you killed," Eren spat bitterly. "I would have told Erwin, would have told everyone, because you can't kill them all at once. But I'm a selfish coward. I know I wouldn't be able to handle losing you. I made my decision for myself and no one else."
"Is that so... Still, I didn't think you had it in you." Levi nuzzled his neck affectionately. "I suppose I should be worried for you, but honestly, I couldn't be more pleased."
"Why?" Eren growled. He hated himself so much. He was angry and hurt and depressed, but outside of his self-depreciating thoughts, he craved Levi. Craved the closeness, the intimacy. It was an instinct by now, something he desperately needed in his life, and he couldn't let go no matter how much he wanted to. "Because I'm becoming a monster?"
Levi didn't respond, but Eren knew the answer was yes.
"But not that you care. No. You're just going to keep on killing, aren't you? And I won't stop you. I can't stop you."
They were both so fucked up. One was a psychopath who refused to change his ways even if he knew he was wrong. The other was a pathetic, torn human being that was slowly going mad, so indecisive that he let people die as he slowly deteriorated from the inside.
"You could stop me," Levi mused quietly. "You could kill me, and I wouldn't hurt anyone else. I wouldn't be able to kill any more."
"I can't," Eren repeated, even quieter, and his eyes burned as for the first time in a long time, tears threatened to fall. "I hate you, damn it, I hate you so much. I hate that I love you. I hate myself, I hate you, fuck..."
Levi's heart threatened to break with just those words, and he held Eren tighter. "I love you," he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. "I love you no matter how much you hate me."
Eren let the tears fall, his once strong, now thin and feeble frame shaking with harsh sobs. All Levi could do was hold him close.
.-.-.-.-.
"You called for me, Commander?"
Erwin smiled softly at Eren, gesturing to the seat on the other side of his desk. "I did. Sit, Jaeger."
Eren obeyed, eyes shifting around the room uncomfortably. He didn't look at his superior, afraid of what he'd been called there for. Erwin seemed complacent now, but nowadays everyone was a demon in Eren's eyes, accusing and hateful and waiting to strike out at him. "What did you call me for, sir?"
"Something grave, I'm afraid," the blond said, smile slipping a notch. He poured Eren a cup of tea and slid it over to him, waiting for the boy to take it before speaking again. "Careful, it's hot. Now... I hate to bring it up with all that you have lost, but I'm here to ask a few questions about the murders."
Eren's heart stopped.
Not Erwin. Please, God, not Erwin. We can't lose Erwin. Please, please, please-!
"Eren?"
"I don't know anything." Eren couldn't look at him, or perhaps simply wouldn't. He stared at his tea, steam wafting onto his face and porcelain burning his hands. "Please... I've been interrogated enough, sir. I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"I understand, Eren," Erwin said sympathetically. "I know you have lost many friends. I have, too. I want to get to the bottom of this, Eren, and not just for the law. I want the killer brought to justice. Don't you want revenge?"
"I used to." Before I found out who it was. "Now, I just... I wish they would just stop."
Erwin's eyes furrowed as he looked over his cadet. Eren had once been such a tough kid - brash, headstrong, confident. Now he seemed broken, not a trace of the old soldier left in him. He used to look good, too, healthy and strong, but now he looked as though a strong wind could blow him away from them. It was such a sad sight, knowing one of his strongest soldiers had degraded to such a pathetic existence. Erwin sighed deeply, reluctant to say what was in his mind, but knowing he had to.
"Eren... I think I know who it is."
Eren's eyes shot wide open and his head jerked up, their eyes meeting. He looked almost panicked. "D-Do you?" he asked, and Erwin couldn't decipher what that look or tone meant, but he nonetheless answered.
"I think it's Captain Levi, as hard as that may be to believe. And as close as I am aware you two are -"
Eren interrupted him, swallowing hard. "Why would you think it's Levi?"
"I know it's hard to believe," Erwin said, tone sympathetic, and it took everything in Eren's power not to snort loudly at the notion. "There is evidence that some of these murders were done by a very experienced killer. Precise cuts, a clear knowledge of the human anatomy... and it seems as though some of them were made out as almost a display." He sounded disgusted at the thought, and all Eren could think was, Damn right they were. "You were accused because all of the victims had wronged you at some point in time, but now, you have very clear alibis for nearly all of them, and Krista did you no wrong. Levi, however..."
"You're right."
Erwin stared at him in surprise, which was rapidly turning into shock as the words sank in. He barely managed his next words.
"You knew? All this time?"
"Since just before Jean died."
"Why didn't you tell anyone, Jaeger? Was Levi threatening you?"
Eren tilted his head. "That's part of it. He wasn't threatening me directly. He would never hurt me."
Erwin's face hardened. He seemed to be catching on quickly, realizing what was coming. "And why are you so certain?"
"Because he loves me."
Eren felt his lips widen into a smile, and he couldn't stop it. He had always known, always been aware that Levi loved him, but suddenly it clicked. He understood. He'd always thought he knew, but he hadn't. Now he understood it on an entirely new level, accepted it, embraced it. Levi loved him so much, loved him with every fiber of his being, and Eren welcomed it, reciprocated it. He loved Levi, too. He understood everything so suddenly, accepted what Levi had done, loved him so powerfully that suddenly those deaths meant nothing.
Levi killed for him because he couldn't bear the thought of losing him to anything, and Eren knew know, was certain of it - he would do the same.
Eren stood up, that Cheshire grin still stretching his lips, growing wider. "He killed Reiner because he was jealous. Reiner had a crush on me, I guess. Cute, isn't it? He was so worried his pup would run away to a new master. Adorable, if you ask me."
It was clear Erwin understood his fate. He rested his elbows on his desk, eyes blazing as he spat, "Endearing."
"Now, Bertholdt..." Eren's smile slipped a notch. "Bert tried to kill me. That hurt me." It truly did, a familiar ache filling his chest, and he placed a hand over his heart and willed it to go away. "Levi was protecting me. He saved my life. I owe him my loyalty." Then he remembered the next victim. "Jean hated me. He never would have been convinced I was innocent. We would have been at each other's throats until we killed each other."
"That was a hate killing," Erwin commented, resting his chin on laced fingers. "Levi bludgeoned him to death."
"Yes, he was angry," Eren agreed lightly. "He was furious. He got revenge for me, because I never would have done it. Jean hated me. Levi let his emotions get the better of him, and it almost got him caught."
"Levi often fooled me," Erwin muttered. "He was clever. He knew exactly what to say to make all my suspicions evaporate."
"That's what you get when you let someone like him close," Eren stated coldly. "That's what you get for trusting anyone with a killer on the loose. Some brilliant Commander you are."
Erwin stared at him with a glint in his eyes, something knowing, and Eren hated it. It was as though the man was staring through him, laying his very soul bare in front of him, and nobody but Levi was allowed to do that. Nobody. Eren shook his head wildly, smile disappearing, and he started to count off the other deaths.
"Hanji hurt me. Moblit helped. I wasn't too upset with them, but Levi was furious."
"Krista was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was her own fault for snooping. He didn't want to kill her."
"Ymir was crazed. She tried to kill him. He was defending himself. Naturally, he baited her, but she was the one that tried to end him."
Erwin's face remained impassive through the list of murders, but when Eren paused, he asked, "And Arlert?"
"Armin?" Eren tapped his chin. "Well, Armin found out it was Levi. Fitting, with how similar you two are. I couldn't have him blabbing to you, nor could I have Levi kill him... so I took care of him." He didn't smile for this one, his newfound amusement at the subject dimming down. His next words were a faint murmur. "Armin won't interfere with us any more."
"And I assume I won't either?"
"No, you won't. But you'll meet a much worse fate than Armin." Eren picked up his tea, still scalding hot, enough to burn severely. "I was merciful with Armin. His life was in my hands, and I treated it like it was precious. But you?" His face contorted into a mask of pure rage. "You're done for, commander. Scream and I'll kill anyone that comes to help."
Erwin smiled then, closing his eyes. He looked so serene, so peaceful even in the face of death, and for some reason that angered Eren further.
"I believe you, Jaeger."
.-.-.-.-.
Blood. Blood, blood, blood, everywhere, oh god!
Knocking on the door. Shit. Blood. Blood. It's all over the place. I'm covered in it
God, it reeks of death
Shit they're pounding on the door it's Mike oh god oh god what do I do he's dead
I killed him fuck I can't stop crying he knows I'm here
Levi Levi Levi
Save me
What have I done?
"Armin, I have to do it. It's this, or he kills you."
"Eren, you don't have to! We can turn him in! Come with me. We can tell the central government. Do what's right!"
"I'm sorry, Armin. This is the only way. I have to... for us."
"For you and I, or you and him?" the blond boy spat.
"Both," the brunet responded softly.
.-.-.-.-.
"You did it, didn't you?"
Eren flinched at the almost accusing tone.
"Did what?" he asked quietly.
"Killed him," Levi answered bluntly, face unreadable. Eren was silent, chin never moving from Levi's shoulder or arms from around his shoulders. The teenager made no move to leave Levi's lap, speaking in a dull monotone.
"Maybe I did. Why does it matter?"
"Because if he was missing when I went after him, either someone else got him, or he suspected me and escaped, which would be no good."
Taking a shuddering breath, chest aching in the first emotion that had broken through in days, Eren replied, "Fine then, yeah. I got rid of him. He's no longer your problem."
Levi hesitated on his next words, a strange and foreign concept to the both of them. "Sorry."
"It was my own decision."
"But I put you in that position."
"I put myself in that position, and the decision was made by me alone."
Levi's voice had a teasing lilt, but there was also concern and guilt. Ironic. Everything had so much irony in it lately. "Not for me?"
"If I wasn't such a coward, I would have had you killed," Eren spat bitterly. "I would have told Erwin, would have told everyone, because you can't kill them all at once. But I'm a selfish coward. I know I wouldn't be able to handle losing you. I made my decision for myself and no one else."
"Is that so... Still, I didn't think you had it in you." Levi nuzzled his neck affectionately. "I suppose I should be worried for you, but honestly, I couldn't be more pleased."
"Why?" Eren growled. He hated himself so much. He was angry and hurt and depressed, but outside of his self-depreciating thoughts, he craved Levi. Craved the closeness, the intimacy. It was an instinct by now, something he desperately needed in his life, and he couldn't let go no matter how much he wanted to. "Because I'm becoming a monster?"
Levi didn't respond, but Eren knew the answer was yes.
"But not that you care. No. You're just going to keep on killing, aren't you? And I won't stop you. I can't stop you."
They were both so fucked up. One was a psychopath who refused to change his ways even if he knew he was wrong. The other was a pathetic, torn human being that was slowly going mad, so indecisive that he let people die as he slowly deteriorated from the inside.
"You could stop me," Levi mused quietly. "You could kill me, and I wouldn't hurt anyone else. I wouldn't be able to kill any more."
"I can't," Eren repeated, even quieter, and his eyes burned as for the first time in a long time, tears threatened to fall. "I hate you, damn it, I hate you so much. I hate that I love you. I hate myself, I hate you, fuck..."
Levi's heart threatened to break with just those words, and he held Eren tighter. "I love you," he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. "I love you no matter how much you hate me."
Eren let the tears fall, his once strong, now thin and feeble frame shaking with harsh sobs. All Levi could do was hold him close.
.-.-.-.-.
"You called for me, Commander?"
Erwin smiled softly at Eren, gesturing to the seat on the other side of his desk. "I did. Sit, Jaeger."
Eren obeyed, eyes shifting around the room uncomfortably. He didn't look at his superior, afraid of what he'd been called there for. Erwin seemed complacent now, but nowadays everyone was a demon in Eren's eyes, accusing and hateful and waiting to strike out at him. "What did you call me for, sir?"
"Something grave, I'm afraid," the blond said, smile slipping a notch. He poured Eren a cup of tea and slid it over to him, waiting for the boy to take it before speaking again. "Careful, it's hot. Now... I hate to bring it up with all that you have lost, but I'm here to ask a few questions about the murders."
Eren's heart stopped.
Not Erwin. Please, God, not Erwin. We can't lose Erwin. Please, please, please-!
"Eren?"
"I don't know anything." Eren couldn't look at him, or perhaps simply wouldn't. He stared at his tea, steam wafting onto his face and porcelain burning his hands. "Please... I've been interrogated enough, sir. I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"I understand, Eren," Erwin said sympathetically. "I know you have lost many friends. I have, too. I want to get to the bottom of this, Eren, and not just for the law. I want the killer brought to justice. Don't you want revenge?"
"I used to." Before I found out who it was. "Now, I just... I wish they would just stop."
Erwin's eyes furrowed as he looked over his cadet. Eren had once been such a tough kid - brash, headstrong, confident. Now he seemed broken, not a trace of the old soldier left in him. He used to look good, too, healthy and strong, but now he looked as though a strong wind could blow him away from them. It was such a sad sight, knowing one of his strongest soldiers had degraded to such a pathetic existence. Erwin sighed deeply, reluctant to say what was in his mind, but knowing he had to.
"Eren... I think I know who it is."
Eren's eyes shot wide open and his head jerked up, their eyes meeting. He looked almost panicked. "D-Do you?" he asked, and Erwin couldn't decipher what that look or tone meant, but he nonetheless answered.
"I think it's Captain Levi, as hard as that may be to believe. And as close as I am aware you two are -"
Eren interrupted him, swallowing hard. "Why would you think it's Levi?"
"I know it's hard to believe," Erwin said, tone sympathetic, and it took everything in Eren's power not to snort loudly at the notion. "There is evidence that some of these murders were done by a very experienced killer. Precise cuts, a clear knowledge of the human anatomy... and it seems as though some of them were made out as almost a display." He sounded disgusted at the thought, and all Eren could think was, Damn right they were. "You were accused because all of the victims had wronged you at some point in time, but now, you have very clear alibis for nearly all of them, and Krista did you no wrong. Levi, however..."
"You're right."
Erwin stared at him in surprise, which was rapidly turning into shock as the words sank in. He barely managed his next words.
"You knew? All this time?"
"Since just before Jean died."
"Why didn't you tell anyone, Jaeger? Was Levi threatening you?"
Eren tilted his head. "That's part of it. He wasn't threatening me directly. He would never hurt me."
Erwin's face hardened. He seemed to be catching on quickly, realizing what was coming. "And why are you so certain?"
"Because he loves me."
Eren felt his lips widen into a smile, and he couldn't stop it. He had always known, always been aware that Levi loved him, but suddenly it clicked. He understood. He'd always thought he knew, but he hadn't. Now he understood it on an entirely new level, accepted it, embraced it. Levi loved him so much, loved him with every fiber of his being, and Eren welcomed it, reciprocated it. He loved Levi, too. He understood everything so suddenly, accepted what Levi had done, loved him so powerfully that suddenly those deaths meant nothing.
Levi killed for him because he couldn't bear the thought of losing him to anything, and Eren knew know, was certain of it - he would do the same.
Eren stood up, that Cheshire grin still stretching his lips, growing wider. "He killed Reiner because he was jealous. Reiner had a crush on me, I guess. Cute, isn't it? He was so worried his pup would run away to a new master. Adorable, if you ask me."
It was clear Erwin understood his fate. He rested his elbows on his desk, eyes blazing as he spat, "Endearing."
"Now, Bertholdt..." Eren's smile slipped a notch. "Bert tried to kill me. That hurt me." It truly did, a familiar ache filling his chest, and he placed a hand over his heart and willed it to go away. "Levi was protecting me. He saved my life. I owe him my loyalty." Then he remembered the next victim. "Jean hated me. He never would have been convinced I was innocent. We would have been at each other's throats until we killed each other."
"That was a hate killing," Erwin commented, resting his chin on laced fingers. "Levi bludgeoned him to death."
"Yes, he was angry," Eren agreed lightly. "He was furious. He got revenge for me, because I never would have done it. Jean hated me. Levi let his emotions get the better of him, and it almost got him caught."
"Levi often fooled me," Erwin muttered. "He was clever. He knew exactly what to say to make all my suspicions evaporate."
"That's what you get when you let someone like him close," Eren stated coldly. "That's what you get for trusting anyone with a killer on the loose. Some brilliant Commander you are."
Erwin stared at him with a glint in his eyes, something knowing, and Eren hated it. It was as though the man was staring through him, laying his very soul bare in front of him, and nobody but Levi was allowed to do that. Nobody. Eren shook his head wildly, smile disappearing, and he started to count off the other deaths.
"Hanji hurt me. Moblit helped. I wasn't too upset with them, but Levi was furious."
"Krista was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was her own fault for snooping. He didn't want to kill her."
"Ymir was crazed. She tried to kill him. He was defending himself. Naturally, he baited her, but she was the one that tried to end him."
Erwin's face remained impassive through the list of murders, but when Eren paused, he asked, "And Arlert?"
"Armin?" Eren tapped his chin. "Well, Armin found out it was Levi. Fitting, with how similar you two are. I couldn't have him blabbing to you, nor could I have Levi kill him... so I took care of him." He didn't smile for this one, his newfound amusement at the subject dimming down. His next words were a faint murmur. "Armin won't interfere with us any more."
"And I assume I won't either?"
"No, you won't. But you'll meet a much worse fate than Armin." Eren picked up his tea, still scalding hot, enough to burn severely. "I was merciful with Armin. His life was in my hands, and I treated it like it was precious. But you?" His face contorted into a mask of pure rage. "You're done for, commander. Scream and I'll kill anyone that comes to help."
Erwin smiled then, closing his eyes. He looked so serene, so peaceful even in the face of death, and for some reason that angered Eren further.
"I believe you, Jaeger."
.-.-.-.-.
Blood. Blood, blood, blood, everywhere, oh god!
Knocking on the door. Shit. Blood. Blood. It's all over the place. I'm covered in it
God, it reeks of death
Shit they're pounding on the door it's Mike oh god oh god what do I do he's dead
I killed him fuck I can't stop crying he knows I'm here
Levi Levi Levi
Save me
What have I done?
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