Categories > Original > Horror

Offer Ends Soon

by PickleGarden 0 reviews

Robot Chicken doing what it does best.

Category: Horror - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Horror,Humor,Parody - Published: 2018-10-12 - 2166 words - Complete



Live From Channel 10! Aurora Illinois! The Wayne's World theme song is heard.

"Wayne's World! Wayne's World! Party Time! Excellent!"

"Party on, Wayne!"

"Party on, Garth!"

Wayne and Garth are sitting on their chairs.

"Extreme Close up!" Their faces are close up to the camera.



Wayne talks to Garth, "Did you happen to hear about any movie releases?"

"No, but I saw the latest issue of the Sport Illustrated Swimsuit Edition!" answered Garth holding up a magazine.


"There's a new horror movie coming out, Garth!"

"Excellent, Wayne! What is it called?"

"The title is The Leprechaun!" Wayne taunted.

Garth screamed, "NNNNNOOOO!"

Out of the shadows the Leprechaun from the horror flicks appears!

"Did somebody call me name?!" asked The Leprechaun.

Wayne and Garth could not believe what had happened. So they run out of the basement.


Leprechaun looks at the camera.

"I'm taking over this show now! Everybody must surrender their Lucky Charms!"

The Leprechaun evilly laughs.



A movie trailer voice announces, "The Incredibles had their first movie in 2004, and recently had a sequel. Now we are making a sequel for two other movies from that era. Ladies and Gentlemen, we so proudly present..."


A beach highway background is seen. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are in the front seat of the car. Tom Green was in the backseat.

"Why do we have to kidnap this asshole for?" asked Ben Affleck.

"I know! Tell me about it! He doesn't shut the fuck up about his sausage!" Jennifer Lopez replied. "I HATE SAUSAGE!"

"Yeah, you told me. The sausage meaning penises? Correct?" Ben Affleck scoffs.

"Can we go to the sausage factory yet! I wanna smell the pig shit!" Tom Green stated gleefully.

The movie trailer voice ends with, GIGLI MEETS FREDDY GOT FINGERED! Coming probably never to theaters nowhere!"



Gilligan and the Skipper were on a rebuilt version of the SS Minnow.

Skipper talks to Gilligan, "Good of the Professor to finally get off his smarty pants ass and rebuild the SS Minnow! Hey, little buddy!"

"Only question is, Skipper. What will we do when we get back?" asked Gilligan. "We never gave it much thought!"

"Go back to our old lives or course!" said The Skipper. "There's a prostitute I promised to fuck when I get back!"

Gilligan looks to the distance, "Hmmm, looks like no weather getting rough!"

The Professor joins Gilligan and the Skipper on the upper deck, "Looks like you spoke too soon! Why can't you keep your dumbass mouth shut, Gilligan!"

Mary Ann, The Howells, and Ginger all look out the window. Ginger says, "Not again! Does this mean I have to be stuck with you losers!"

"Hey, be careful who you speak to, bitch!" Mary Ann swiped.

Lovey cries, "Oh, Thurston! Hope you brought your Viagra!"

"You want to fuck me when there's a storm coming?!" said Mr. Howell.

"So we can have sex one last time before we die!" Lovey said.

A huge thunderstorm sends the SS Minnow tossing and turning thanks to the enormous waves. A tidal wave forms and throws the SS Minnow into the air until it lands in an inner city ghetto.

Gilligan and the Skipper were the first to get off. "Is everyone all right?" asked The Skipper.

"We're all still alive!" The Professor proclaimed.

The castaways explore their new surroundings. "We are a far cry from New York's SOHO Manhattan!" Mr. Howell observed. Homeless people and housing projects were all around. "These homeless people will never be rich like us!" Lovey laughed.

Gilligan walks up to a sign that reads, "Welcome to Compton." "This will tell us where we are! We are in Constipation! A city called Constipation!"

Skipper berates Gilligan, "Gilligan, that says COMPTON! Didn't you learn anything in school!"

"Compton? Are we near Hollywood?" asked Ginger.

"Don't think we're in Kansas anymore." said Mary Ann.

The Professor explains, "We are in South Central. It's part of LA. This is where street gangs who are either black or Mexican hang out."

Gilligan sees some drug dealers walk up to them. "Uh. hello. We-came-from-an-island!"

The drug dealers shouted, "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"

Gilligan tries to explain, "You speak English, right? Well...we...ha...ha...wanna coconut?" Gilligan offers the drug dealers a coconut.

The drug dealers slap the coconut out of Gilligan's hand. "GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE HOOD, HONKEYS!"

Soon afterwards, the castaways are getting chased and shot at down the street.


"See what you got us into now, GIlligan!" Skipper yelled.

"First that island, now we're in the 'hood!" said the Professor.

The last part of the theme song plays, "Now Join Us Here Each Week My Friends. You're Sure To Get a Smile! From Seven Stranded People Who Used To Be Castaways. HERE ON GILLIGAN'S GHETTO!"

"GILLIGAN'S GHETTO was filmed before a very awkward studio audience!"



The outside of a pet shop is shown. The Purr-tenders are inside wanting someone to adopt them. Introducing themselves, "Hi, we're the Purr-tenders!" "We would do anything to get out of this pet shop." "Even disguise ourselves as other animals!"

Distinguishing their plan, the Purr-Tenders dressed themselves up like birds, mice, dogs, and rabbits. A shadowy figure walks into the pet store and asks the clerk. "I want to adopt those cats!"

The Purr-tenders found themselves all in a cage and they were terrified.

"Holy shit! I wonder who adopted us!"

"Why the fuck are we in a cage!"

They begin to notice their costumes were gone. "Where in the hell are our costumes?"

A door opens and it's revealed that ALF was the one who adopted the Purr-tenders.

"Greeting appetizers!" announced ALF. "And future hamburgers, hot dogs, and milkshakes!"

"Who are you!" "What do you want from us!" "How did you know we were really cats!" The Purr-tenders asked many questions to their captor ALF.

ALF explains, " You're not fooling nobody! Any idiot can see you're all really cats!"

"Why did you adopt us?"

"My name is ALF! I'm from the Planet Melmac! And on my home planet! We eat cats!"

The Purr-tenders asked, "So you bought us for food!"

ALF putting on a bib and turning on an oven says, "Abso-fucking-lutely!" ALF takes out a butcher knife. "Don't make me use this!"

The Purr-tenders watch in fear as ALF goes about his plan pointing to each Purr-tender.

"You two are going in my frying pan, and you three are going to be boiled! You are going in the oven! Soon you're all going to be shit in my Melmacian digestive track!"

"Oooohhh, we're goners!" The Purr-Tenders trembled.

ALF continues, "Look no further! For you are all about to become Purr-tenderloins! HA! HA! HA! Oh, I kill me!"

Hours later, ALF was on the table happily enjoying eating all the Purr-tenders he ate. ALF looks at the screen! "BURP! Eating cats here on Earth? No problem!"



The Teletubbies narrator says, "Over the Hills and Far Away! Teletubbies come to play!"

Dipsy, Laa Laa, and Po were the only ones there. Tinky Winky had not arrived yet.

The Baby Sun giggles as Dispy Laa Laa and Po were spinning and jumping in place.

"Poo cootah!" Po says. "Dipsy hat!" Dipsy shouted. "Laa Laa Li! Laa Laa Li! Laa Laa Li!" Laa Laa said.

The narrator notices Tinky Winky is gone. "But where is Tinky Winky?"

The Talking Tube calls, "Tinky Winky! Come out please!"

Jumping out of the hills, Tinky Winky says, "Eh-oh!" with his bag in his hand.

Tinky Winky joins Dipsy, Laa Laa, and Po.

"Eh-oh! Tinky Winky!" Dipsy said. "Eh-oh! Dipsy!" said Tinky Winky.

The Narrator asks, "What do you have in your magic bag, Tinky Winky.

Tinky Winky digs into his magic bag and pulls out a gun.

"I GOT A GUN! I GOT A GUN!" Tinky Winky excitedly exclaims.

The narrator panics, "Put that fucking thing back where you found it!"

Tinky Winky doesn't listen and he runs around the hills shooting the gun.


The Talking Tube yells at Tinky Winky, "Stop being an asshole! It's not healthy to be trigger happy!"

Tinky Winky shoots the Talking Tube. Dipsy Laa Laa and Po run up to Tinky Winky.

"Eh-oh! Play with gun!" Laa Laa says.

"I love gun!" Po said.

"I love gun! Gun is fun!" Dipsy says.


The Teletubbies run around following Tinky Winky as he shoots up everything in sight.


Tinky Winky shoots the Baby Sun, and Tubby Toast Machine, and then the Narrator.

"This has been one majorly strange ass day in the land of..."

Tinky Winky shoots the executive producer and then the whole studio, "I GOT A GUN! I GOT A GUN! I GOT A GUN!"




Luigi is standing on a table talking into a camera.

"Hey, paisanos! It's The Super Luigi Brothers Super Show! Luigi number one! This is my cartoon show now! I am going to be the all time hero in every episode! I will save the Princess, and furthermore...

Not being able to go on anymore, Luigi is shot from behind. Luigi's inner organs fall out and falls to his death.

Mario is shown with a shotgun in his hand.

"Eet-a weel-a bee-a long cold day in hell before I letta him get ahead-a me!

Toad and the Princess throw the gun in acid.

"The evidence is erased, Mario!" The Princess says.

"Good!" said Mario. "Luigi was nothing more than a deadweight! We are better off without that shit!"

"Getting rid of Luigi now!" said Toad as he burns Luigi's body using gas and a lighter. Mario talks into the camera. "Hey, Paisanos! It's The Super MARIO Bros Super Show!"

"And we would not want it any other way!" The Princess said.



Ronald McDonald is standing in the middle of the Timberline Lodge.

"Hi, I'm Ronald McDonald! I'm staying at this hotel because my Ronald McDonald House is under repairs."

Looking all around, Ronald McDonald can't find his hotel room.

"Trouble is, I can't find my room. Hey kids? Would you like to help me find my hotel room? Come along with me!"

The McDonalds Mascot has a key in his hand and walks down to the end of the hall.

"Could this be my room?" asked Ronald McDonald to the screen. The key opens the door and he sees two twin girls. The are the Grady sisters.

"Hello, Clown! Come play with us!"

"Say listen, girls would you like to help me find my hotel room?" asked Ronald McDonald.

"No, why don't you play with us instead? You can be our very special friend! Forever! And ever! And ever! And ever! And ever!"

Ronald McDonald screams as he slams the door, "Whew! That was fucking creepy!"

Wandering around lost in the hallways of the Timberline Lodge, Ronald McDonald is still searching for his room.

"Hmmm, where's my room? Where's my room?" A boy on a tricycle speeds by him. Ronald McDonald tries to run after him.

"You, little boy! Want to help me find my room?"

Ignoring the clown, the little boy speeds away on his tricycle saying, "REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM!"

Confused for a while, Ronald McDonald finally finds his room. "Ha! There it is!"

Using the key to open the door to his hotel room, Ronald McDonald enters. His room looks like a 5 Star Hotel. "Oh! I got the luxury suite!"

Going into the bathroom, Ronald McDonald hears some crashing sounds. "What the hell is this bullshit?" A voice is heard, "Little Pigs, little pigs, let me come in. Not by the hair on your chinny- chin chin? Then I'll huff... and I'll Puff.. and I'll blow your house in."

The wall to his room is breaking Ronald McDonald hears more of the haunting voice, "I'm...home! I'm not going to hurt you!"

"Why does that voice sound so familiar? What the hell is going on here?" asked the clown to himself. "Maybe someone is trying to kill me!"

The breaking stops and Ronald McDonald is relieved. "Now remember kids, if anybody is trying to break into your hotel room," now Ronald McDonald is walking over to a phone, "You pick up the phone and you call the..."

Jack Torrance breaks through the wall and tackles Ronald McDonald, "HERE'S JOHNNY! URGE TO KILL RISING!"

Dropping the phone, Ronald McDonald screams, "POL-IIIIICCCCEEEEE!"

Jack Torrance beats up Ronald McDonald and punches him in the nose. "This is Ronald McDonald, stuck in a spooky hotel! BROKE MY NOSE!"

Stabbing the clown to death Jack Torrance yells, " Here's to five miserable fucking months on the wagon, and all the irreparable harm that it has caused me."

The episode ends with Jack Torrance slowly moving towards the screen, "REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM!"
Sign up to rate and review this story