FicWad

After a heavy workload at work. Then some uploads on Deviantart. Then I was hit with a personal tragedy in my life. Now, I am finally back to fanfictions!



Bojack Horseman Presents


A Narwhal Puppy Production



The Bojack Run



He Was Finally Going to Make His Comeback On Television!


Bojack Horseman runs down the street. Acting like he was high on a drug. A drug called happiness. Bojack kicked a beer bottle into the air and said, "I'm done!" Estatic and overjoyed. As he has never been in a long time. Suddenly out of the blue, he gives up drinking. Bojack jumps over some bus stop benches and he joins some neighborhood toughs for a game of basketball. The players on the court recognize him. They were both humans and animals. Some of which are tigers, rhinos, and elephants.

"Yo, Sup Man!" they greeted him.

"Weren't you on that sitcom Horsin' Around?" asked one of them.

Bojack answers, "Indeed I was! In fact. I'm going to make a comeback on an internet show called Philbert!"

The rhinos throws Bojack a basketball. "Wanna play us!"

"Congrats to you man! Since you a star, you make the first move, homes!"

"Oh, you're on!" Bojack challenged the city roughs. They were impressed with some basketball skills he displayed. "Didn't know I can do this, eh? Not bad for an old dude like myself!"

"Where did you get some killer moves?" asked one of the humans. Bojack says, "Learned some moves for an episode where I had to help Ethan train for a basketball team!"

The elephant said, "That was my favorite episode! Gonna block ya!"

"All right! You good man!"

"Holy shit! You cool!"

Bojack Horseman had a great time playing basketball with the humans, tigers, rhinos, and elephants. Once he had enough, he decides to run to Princess Carolyn's office. As usual she was on the phone with a client. Then hangs up when Bojack enters her office.

"I'll get back to you later. Good bye. Bojack! For the first time in a long time, you're actually happy!"

"Have you seen my secret stash?" the horse actor asked referring to his alcohol he kept hidden. Hollyhock walks in.

"Hey, Bojack! Half brother! You'll never believe it!"

"What is it?" asked Bojack.

"I'm going to be in an episode of Philbert! Isn't that great? Princess Carolyn gave me a part!" Hollyhock announced. Princess Carolyn hands Bojack his alcohol he kept hidden as he poured it out the window.

"Awesome! Can't wait to see you on the set!" Bojack told Hollyhock.

Princess Carolyn then gets a sense of disbelief then gets worried that Bojack didn't really give up alcohol and his comeback wasn't going to last. "What's the matter, Princess Carolyn?" Bojack implies. "Aren't you grateful to me?"

"Seen you go down this path before. Full of hope. Then you crash into depression again." Princess Carolyn said. "Once the depression sets in, you go back to your vices."

Bojack tells her, "Fine! Don't have faith in me, you skeptic bitch! I don't need validation from an ex girlfriend! Important thing is I have hope in me! Now that I am going to make my big career revival I don't need my drugs and alcohol anymore!"

"Concerned and worry when you get like this, Bojack! If Philbert bombs......." before Princess Carolyn can continue, Bojack cuts her off. Leaving Hollyhock in the middle of their standoff.

"It's not going to happen! So long!" Bojack storms off. "But I care about you! Although we're ex-lovers and......." Princess Carolyn calls out to him. It was too late. Bojack slams the door behind him as he drives away in a fast car. "He seems to be very optimistic!" replies Hollyhock. "Perhaps he has changed." She added. "Never can be too sure. I know him all too well." Princess Carolyn said.

Bojack Horseman drives down the streets of Hollywoo. Until he sees a billboard for Las Vegas. He decides to call Mr. Peanutbutter on his cell. Lucky for him, Mr. Peanutbutter answers. "Hello?"

"Yo, Mr. Peanutbutter! I'm headed to Vegas! Wanna come along?" Bojack asks.

Mr. Peanutbutter replies, "No I have a busy schedule ahead of me. You can go yourself. Might I ask, why are you going to Vegas? What's the occasion?"

Bojack said, "I'm got a role on an internet show called Philbert! And I wanna celebrate."

"Have fun then. I'll tell Todd, Diane, Princess Carolyn where you are in case you get yourself in a shitload of a mess!" Mr. Peanutbutter jokes.

"I'll ignore that remark! Goodbye!" Bojack hangs up his cellphone and heads to an epic party in Las Vegas! Everyone who knew Bojack had a solicitude that he might mess himself up before his big comeback debut.



*



Making his way into Las Vegas. Bojack Horseman stops in at Caeser's Palace. There was a party going on and he wanted in on the action. Busting his way through the doors, Bojack exclaims, "WHO'S READY TO PARTY! WOOOO!! VEGAS BABY!!!! YYYEEEAAAAHHHH!!"

The showgirls and employees at Caesars Palace all looked at him like he was strange. Then decided to invite him in.

"It's The Horse! From Horsin' Around!"

"Loved your show as a kid!"

"Always wished you would adopt me, Bojack!"

"Have the best news ever sons of bitches! I am going to star in the new Internet Show, Philbert."

Everyone claps and cheers.

"What's it about?"

"This time around I play a cop!" Bojack answers.

All the people and animals partying have Bojack join the party.

Back in Hollywoo. Princess Carolyn had a business meeting to go to. She wanted to inform Bojack that his big coming back premiere is in two days. Princess Carolyn decides to call Todd.

"Pick up the phone, Todd!" she addresses.

"Yo!" Todd answers. Mr. Peanutbutter was at the house too. "Great to have some guy time with you Todd while Diane and Bojack are away!" said Mr. Peanutbutter. They were both online gaming.

"Todd, this is Princess Carolyn. I need you to send a message."

"What kind of message are we speaking about here?" asked Todd.

"Call Bojack on his cellphone and tell him his big premiere is in two days. I'd do it myself but I got an important meeting."

"Is it with Vanessa Gecko again?" Todd joked.

"Very funny, jackass! Just try to reach Bojack!" Princess Carolyn demands as she hung up.

"Roger and copy that!" Todd hangs up.

Time flies by. As Bojack Horseman was having more fun than he ever has before. Gambling and drinking. The Groove Line By Heatwave was playing. His cellphone was vibrating. What Bojack didn't know was it was midnight already.

"I need to take this. But I will get back in the game!" promised Bojack to the party goers.

"Go ahead! We can wait!"

Cheers erupt as Bojack answered his cell. "Hello."

"Bojack, this is Todd."

"Hey, Todd. What do you want?"

"Princess Carolyn told me to send you a message."

Bojack rolls his eyes being fed up that Princess Carolyn seemingly had to trust in him that he's change. "She knows I'm in Vegas doesn't she?"

"Oh that's where you are. Promise not to tell, dude! Listen she wants me to tell you that your big debut is in two days!"

About to blow a gasket Bojack hangs up the phone, then looks at the time and screams, "SHIT!" Runs out of Caesar's Palace.

"I GOTTA GET THE BEEEP OUT OF HERE!"

The humans and animals Bojack was partying with looked at him with wonderment.

"What's his problem?"

"Hurry back!"

"We'll be sure to watch your new show!"

"BYE! SO LONG!"

Todd cheers for himself, "Hooray! Todd sent a message!" Bojack runs back to his car and drives back to Hollywoo.

Princess Carolyn got done with her meeting. She came over to Bojack's house and Todd was there with Mr. Peanutbutter. They were playing Red Dead Redemption 2 together. It was 3am.

"Todd did you call Bojack?" she asks.

"Yes I did!" said Todd.

"Don't mind us. Todd and I are online gaming. Actually pretty fun!" Mr. Peanutbutter said.

"Then where is he? Ought to be at home getting ready." said Princess Carolyn. "What if he doesn't make it back?" asked Mr. Peanutbutter. "Any clue as to where he had gone?" Princess Carolyn asks them both. "He called me on his cell and said he was headed to Vegas! Eek! I wasn't supposed to break his confidence." "VEGAS! I KNEW IT! FOR THE LOVE OF......." Princess Carolyn gets her phone and calls a priest she knows. "There is someone who can get through to Bojack."

"Good luck. Getting through to Bojack is like trying to break a brick wall by throwing shit." Mr. Peanutbutter said. Then he added, "Don't tell him I said anything."

"I won't! Hello. Can you give me Reverend Warthinall?" Princess Carolyn says.

Todd eyes were suddenly dense when he heard that name. "Why does that name send terrors down your ass?" wondered Mr. Peanutbutter. "My parents threatened to send me to him when they discovered I used drugs!" explained Todd "I need you to come to this house and wait for Bojack Horseman to come home! Thanks, goodbye!" Princess Carolyn says hanging up her cellphone.

"You won't need to see him. He's going to set Bojack on the path of the straight and narrow." assured Mr. Peanutbutter. "I knew that." said Todd. "Bojack needs to be reminded of his responsiblities!" Princess Carolyn said. "So that's why I asked him to help out."

"Who is Reverend Warthinall?" asked Mr. Peanutbutter. "A priest who runs Always Rehab Center. He's a wart hog." said Princess Carolyn. "That's a name of a Ramones song! Bojack told me that song was played on an episode of his show." said Todd. "He's not going to have any show is he doesn't come back soon!" Princess Carolyn stated.

Mr. Peanutbutter and Princess Carolyn decide to go home. Todd calls, "I'll put the game on pause until you come back!"




*




That very same night, Bojack Horseman managed to come home. As he went inside he fell asleep. He slept until the afternoon. Then when he woke up instead of seeing Todd at the couch, it was Reverend Warthinall.

"Who are you and what you have done with Todd?" demands Bojack.

"A friend of yours called me to help you. Reverend Warthinall. At your service." introduces the reverend to Bojack. "And Todd went to stay with Mr. Peanutbutter for a while."

"Why are you in my house?" asked Bojack. "Just want to talk and give some advice." said Reverend Warthinall. "All right." said Bojack. "How about a round of golf? On me?" suggested the Reverend. "Sounds good." said Bojack. "Where are we going? Pebble Beach?" "The Rancho Park Golf Course is better. Trust me!" said Reverend Warthinall.

Bojack got into his car and drove Reverend Warthinall to the Rancho park Golf Course. Conversation between the Reverend and Bojack emerges, "So from what I was told you're getting your career back on track?" "Yes, how did you guess? A cop show called Philbert." asked Bojack. "Princess Carolyn sent me." said Reverend Warthinall. "Kind of figures about that." said Bojack. "Why not I give you some guidance?" asked the Reverend. "You going to get me to convert or send me to some rehab that reforms people with religion?" asked Bojack.

"No way. Nothing of that sort. If you want to keep your career, you need to lay off the booze and drugs. Stay faithful and be responsible and do not give into temptations." said Reverend Wartinhall. "Way ahead of you." said Bojack. "One more thing, you need to be realistic and know that your big comeback will probably not last long. How do you know that this 'Philbert' is going to last long?" Reverend Warthinall tells Bojack who turns around and tells the Reverened. "Philbert is an internet show. People and animals are watching TV Shows on their iPHONES now. It's sure to be a success." "What other ways did you try to jump start your acting career again?" asked Reverend Warthinall. "Had my ghost write Diane Nygeun write a biography about myself. Auditioned for some movie roles. Didn't make the cut. A role for Secarteriat being one of them. Even participated in helping a slacker roommate of mine do a rock opera. I just don't want anybody to forget about me and only think of me as the Horse Who Adopted Orphans." Bojack confesses. "That's why I fell into a depression with drugs and alcohol after Horsin Around got cancelled."

Reverend Warthinall sees the golf course, "Here we are." Bojack Horseman and Reverend Warthinall get some golf clubs and went to play. "You first, Reverend." said Bojack. Reverend Warthinall shouted, "FORE" as he swung the club into the air and it landed in a pond. "Le's hope that asshole gopher from Caddyshack doesn't show up!" laughs Bojack. "Excellent sense of humor you have. It would be sad if you wasted yourself." said Reverend Warthinall. "People have been inviting me to play sports and party lately." said Bojack as he shouts, "FORE!" Then swung a golf ball into a hole. "Hole in one baby! Wooooo! No wonder this is the Greatest Game Ever Played! I ought to audition for a golf movie!"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." said Reverend Warthinall. "Say what you will. But I don't need a lecture from a priest. I'm clean and sober for good!" Bojack points out. "Are you really? Then why did you go party in Las Vegas two days before your debut?" inquired the Reverend. "Thought my debut was going to be later on in the week." said Bojack. Reverend Wartinall implies, "Sounds to me like you're running away from it. And you're afraid of being alone from what Princess Carolyn told me. She's also worried that you'll go back to your old ways when she found out you went to Vegas."

Bojack got indignant, "You don't get it, she doesn't have any great outcome in my future, how can you......" Reverend Warthinall lays down the law with Bojack, "She told me everything. From the time you two meet and that time you ran away to New Mexico.! She even told me you were a shit to her and everyone else you knew. You turned your back on Herb Kazazz in the 90's. Then Sarah Lynn to name a few."

"Everything?"

"Everything! And now I want to say something. Something I want to say to you." said Reverend Warthinall. Feeling embarrassed Bojack and the Reverend play more golf and miss and get holes in one then the Reverend speaks up, "I am going to tell you a truth about yourself. Truth is, Bojack Horseman. You will NEVER get your career back. Because you are a bad, terrible, uncaring drug addicted has been alcoholic actor and furthermore you are a coward!"

Bojack sank to his knees and held his head to the ground. Reality about himself sank in. "I want to get better, but I don't know how! I even told Diane that." Reverend Warthinall lays his hand on Bojack's back. "There is a way. Hope is just around the corner."

"I find that hard to believe after the way you slammed me." snarked Bojack.

"Why not try to help those who are in the lowest of the low?" suggested Reverend Warthinall.

"Where do I even begin with that?" cried Bojack.

"Simple, why not work as a gardener for an poor-struggling old woman in Tijuana. I counsel her too." said Reverend Warthinall as he hands Bojack a piece of paper with an address and phone number.

"Just something small like that?" asked Bojack.

"Absolutely. Now get your ass over there!"

"But what about my debut?"

"Just stay there until your debut."

"That I shall. Although it is tommorow!"

"I don't care if it's in 50 years! Use this time to better yourself!"

Bojack Horseman decides to take the advice from the good Reverend and help an old lady in Tijuana. He jumps into his car and drives to Mexico.

"At least my cellphone has a tracking system. So that someone can remind me I have to attend my party."



*


Once he arrived at the house in Tijuana. Before going to the old lady's house. Bojack has an affair with a Mexican Prostitute. "Do me right here!" he tells her. After that, Bojack drove to the old lady's house. Once he was there Bojack came and knocked on the door. An old lady who was a llama answered. "Who might you be young man?"

"I'm a gardener. Going to help you with your plants." answered Bojack.

"You were sent by Reverend Warthinall, correct?" asked the old llama lady.

"You're right." Bojack confirms.

"Me llamo Dolly." The llama introduces herself as she hands Bojack some gardening tools and pruning equipment. "You can start my pruning my palm trees."

Bojack proceeded with the yard work. Back at Hollywoo. Preparations were being made for Bojack's Preimere Debut Party. Which was now one day away. Princess Carolyn was wondering why he hasn't shown up yet. "Isn't this just like him to be late?" she stated. Mr. Peanutbutter and Todd offered to look for Bojack. "We can find him if you'd like." said Mr. Peanutbutter. "All right, be sure you get his ass back here and to get his shit together!" Princess Carolyn said. "Where could he have gone to?" asked Todd.

Mr. Peanutbutter took out his cellphone and said, "Track my contact Bojack Horseman." The cellphone beeped and said in an electronic voice, "Your contact is in Tijuana." Todd was astounded. "Tijuana? I know! While we're there let's try that beer!" "We can't afford any distractions. If you would like to come you're more than welcome." Mr. Peanutbutter said.

On the drive to Mexico to find Bojack to bring him back for his debut, Todd asks, "Do we really have to go through Border Patrol? Why don't we be like those Cowboys in Red Dead Redemption and take a train?" "Prefer to do this the honest way." said Mr. Peanutbutter who then suddenly has a flashback. "Just like that one episode of the Mr. Peanutbutter Show where Zelda ran away and Zoey and I had to find her." They were able to go through Border Patrol and drive into Tijuana. Todd loses sight on why they were there and goes into a liquor store and got some tequila and drank it. "Good thing you're not driving." Mr. Peanutbutter. "Just don't get out of my sight and help me look for Bojack!" "Whatever you say! Wish you can try this! Kind of cool to hang around with you! Bojack can be a sad sack of shit at times!" Todd said. "Don't we know that!" Mr. Peanutbutter said cynically.

Back at Dolly Llamas house. Bojack was working hard and was actually proud of his work. However he was still haunted by what Reverend Warthinall said as the words echoed. "You are a coward......coward........coward......coward."

Bojack mumbled to himself, "Just wanted to have one final fling before my big debut on Philbert! Was that asking too much!" Dolly Llama came out of her house and offered Bojack some lemonade. "Limonada?" she asked. "Thanks or Gracias." Bojack answers.

"You're working very hard. I'm happy for you. Aren't you that sitcom star Bojack Horseman?" asked Dolly Llama. "Why yes I am."

"You know my husband is a director for movies here in Mexico. If you ever want your career back I can put in a good word for you." Dolly Llama suggests.

"I'll think about it. Fact is I got offered a show and everyone I know thinks it's going to be a flop. If it is, I'll consider your suggestion. Maybe I will be better off doing movies in Mexico after all!" Bojack frustratingly growls.

Mr. Peanutbutter used his cellphone to track down Bojack and saw that Todd disappeared.

"Where is he?" Mr. Peanutbutter said looking around. "We're so close to finding Bojack."

Todd was laughing as he put on a cowboy hat on a cactus. Then was about to take a picture of it on his iPHONE. Mr. Peanutbutter finds him. "Great do I have to look for both Bojack and Todd?"

"Mr. Peanutbutter! Come here! Going to take a picture of this cactus gonna make it say, 'Stick 'em Up'!" Todd giggles.

Todd then is in a state of shock due to being drunk of the Tequila he drank so fast that the thinks the cactus obtained a gun and was going to shoot Todd.

"I can't leave you alone for 2 minutes, can't I?" asked Mr. Peanutbutter to Todd who now has his hands up in the surrender position. "Mr. Peanutbutter? What is your credit card number and your ATM...."

Getting dragged away by Mr. Peanutbutter, Todd says, "You saved my ass dude!" "You need to keep away from the online gaming for a while." Mr. Peanutbutter said. "You're obviously seeing things after drinking that Tequila!"

"It was real! I swear!" Todd protests.

At Dolly Llamas house Bojack was done with his lemonade break. "Think I'll get back to work." Bojack says. As he was about to do more work, Mr. Peanutbutter and Todd arrive at the house.

"How did you guys know I was here?" asked Bojack. "Your cellphone tracking device." answered Mr. Peanutbutter. "Sorry we got a little held up. A cactus tried to rob us." said Todd.

"Don't pay Todd no mind. He wanted to try some Tequila." said Mr. Peanutbutter. "Anyways, we came to tell you that your premiere debut party is happening tonight. Don't want to be late, do you."

Bojack Horseman then has an light bulb moment. He calls out to Dolly Llama, "You can tell your husband to never mind. I'm going back to Hollywoo!" "All right senor. Gracias for all your help Amigo!"

Mr. Peanutbutter asks, "Why are you here in Mexico?"

"Reverend Warthinall sent me here to better myself. Now that I can see. He was full of bullshit! I can get my career back myself! Take me to the debut premiere party!" Bojack cheered.

Mr. Peanutbutter, Todd drive Bojack back to Hollywoo just in time for the premiere party of his new show Philbert.

"I don't need anybody to have hope for me. What matters is that I have faith in myself that I can be a better person and know that Philbert will be a success." Bojack narrates as Mr. Peanutbutter and Todd were yards away from the party and Bojack jumps out of the car and runs into the streets on his way to the Debut party. Princess Carolyn was pleased to see him there.

"Come to your senses I see?" precieves Princess Carolyn. "I'm happy again! Though I did have an affair with a hooker, but who cares!" Bojack cheers. "YYYYEEEEEESSSS!"

Bojack jumps into the air in victory. "LONG LIVE PHILBERT!"





The End



The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production.


End Notes: Came up with this fanfiction after watching the movie Rabbit, Run. Haven't seen season 5 yet from what I heard it's very awesome. James Caan played a washed up high school basketball player and his character reminded me so much of Bojack Horseman. So I thought I'd come up with a fanfiction based on this movie that takes place before the season 5 premiere episode.