Categories > Cartoons > Family Guy
Jellyhouse Five
0 reviewsPeter Griffin buys all the grape jelly in Quahog to get a prize. A secret decoder ring. But instead, it leads to the future of a post apocalyptic Quahog where Stewie is the ruler.
0Unrated
Family Guy Presents
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Jellyhouse Five
Spring had finally sprung in Quahog. After a harsh long winter. Lois was out grocery shopping with Stewie and Chris. "I didn't have a test or a field trip today. Just so you know." Said Chris who decided to skip school for the day. "Guess it's time to stock up for spring now, hey boys?" asked Lois ignoring Chris. Stewie was appalled, "That is what she comes up with? Can't come up with anything better?" Chris begins to laugh really loud to a point where he was cracking up. "Chris. You've been laughing ever since we came here. Stop now! Want people to think you're a schizoid?" Lois replies with concern. "I can't help it Mom! Just made up the funniest joke!" laughed Chris. "All right. What's the joke?" asked Lois. "My friend Neil and I made up a joke about the Cadbury Bunny. How it goes 'buck' 'buck' buck'. Well we made up something where the Cadbury Bunny says....." Lois cuts off Chris at the pass. "Don't even think about saying what I think you're going to say!" demanded Lois and then she added, "I'll bet it's the f word that rhymes with 'buck'? Am I right? Let me think here, Neil made it up because Jews don't celebrate Easter!" Chris laughs some more. "You guessed correctly Mom!" "Stop laughing, Chris!" growled Lois.
Stewie was even upset about Chris's never ending laughter, "Look at him yucking around. Like a heckler laughing at the 'act like a man' scene from The Godfather.
Cutaway Scene:
A theater is shown and the screen features Don Corleone yelling, "You Can Act Like A Man!" Then a guy in the audience gaffaws very loudly and has people stare at him.
"This isn't supposed to be a comedy." said a man. "I know! Doesn't he even know where he is"? asked a woman.
Lois reached the bread section. "We need jelly." "It's down there!" laughed Chris. "We're going to talk to a therapist about this, Chris! To talk about this goofy, nutty behavior of yours!" Lois walked down the aisle to find the jelly then noticed all the grape jelly is gone. "Oh my goodness! No grape jelly? Who could've done such a thing!" When Lois was done with groceries, her and Brian were in the family room watching TV on the couch. "There's a grape jelly theft going on. Nobody will probably take this too seriously." says Brian to himself. Lois says, "Well the news should know something. Don't like hearing anything about crime in our town. Even if it is Grape Jelly." Tom Tucker and Joyce Kinney were on. "Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker!" "And I'm Joyce Kinney." "Funny how nobody mentions Diane Simmons anymore." Brian said. "Maybe it's best that bitch is forgotten." said Lois referring to the time when she almost died, where the whole town was invited to a luncheon in a mansion by James Woods and all those murders that occurred at her hands.
"Today's top story, someone in Quahog has bought out all the grape jelly in the grocery stores." Tom Tucker reports. "We here at channel 5 are calling the culprit the Grape Jelly Bandit!" said Joyce. "Why does anyone who steals always called a 'bandit'? Why not call them what they really are? Thieving Assholes!" said Brian. "Good point!" agreed Lois. Tom Tucker reports, "We have no idea what the motive is. We have Ollie Williams at the scene, Ollie?" Ollie shouts "Where the hell is the grape jelly?" "Thanks Ollie!" said Tom. "We will keep you up to date on any breaking further developments on the notorious Grape Jelly Bandit." promises Joyce. "I'm not getting involved." said Lois. "Neither am I! Unless we were sucked into it!" said Brian. Lois noticed that the shed in the backyard moved a little. "Did you see that shed move"? asked Lois with fright.
Brian and Lois ran to the shed in the backyard. They opened the door and sure enough they see Peter Griffin with enough Grape Jelly jars to last the Griffin Family 2 years. Peter became frenetic. "Stay away! Stay away! STAY AWAY!" Lois and Brian were slowly approaching Peter as he gets a cross and points it at them both. "Back away, Satan!" Peter yelled. Brian observes, "So PETER was the Grape Jelly Bandit. Think I spoke too soon about getting sucked into this." "You did," stated Lois. "Peter, why on earth did you buy all the Grape Jelly in Quahog?" asked Brian. "Because with a name like Smuckers it has to be good! hee hee hee hee hee hee! Smuckers Jelly Always Taste the Freshness!" laughs Peter. "We're serious, Peter! Why did you do this?" Lois yelled. Peter explains, "Because I want the secret decoder ring."
Lois and Brian could not fathom. Peter explains, "Saw a commercial that Smuckers Grape Jelly had a prize inside. It was a secret decoder ring mind you."
"Why do you want a secret decoder ring?" Lois asked in a harsh tone.
"I want to decode messages. Just hope none of the messages doesn't say, 'Always Drink Your Ovaltine! You know. Like in A Christmas Story?" Peter states.
"So you bought all these jelly jars in hopes to get some piece of shit?" asked Brian. "Of all things that supposedly helps you decipher messages? What kind of messages I wonder? Knowing you it's probably poop emojis!"
"Yes, yes I did! Now get out! I have some searching to do!" Peter points Lois and Brian out. Peter opens one Jelly Jar after another. "Come on decoder ring! I KNOW YOU'RE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE!!!!"
Brian and Lois stood outside the shed. "For a second there I thought Peter had a fight with Cleveland or something." said Lois who could not understand what she and Brian had just witnessed.
"You're telling me. I haven't seen Peter this frenzied since our last trip to Blockbuster Video." Brian said.
Cutaway Scene:
Peter and Brian were walking around Blockbuster Video. Peter kept saying in a loop, "ART! ART! ART! ART! I want a movie that is ART!" A cashier comes to Peter's aid. "Young man did you just say you wanted a movie that is considered, 'Art'? "You sir read my mind!" said Peter. The cashier tells and leads Peter to the independent films section. "Might I suggest something of the historical or independent variety! Here we have the titles Caligula and Killing Zoe!" "I LOVE THIS!" said Peter. Brian tells the cashier, "Please excuse him, this is just a kick that he's on." Peter and Brian go to the checkout and Peter says, "I GOT ART NOW! ART! ART! ART!" Then Peter sees a mother and a little kid with her who was her son. Peter sneers in the kid's face, "What are you two getting? Captain Underpants? I'm getting ART!" The mother and son were stunned. "Quit taunting people like that!" gruffed Brian at Peter. The check out lady sees the Caligula video and says, "I'm afraid you can't check this out." "WHY NOT, BITCH! Don't you dare try to ruin my fun with movies that are ART!" Peter growls in the check out lady's face. "Because this movie was banned from the United States." the check out lady tells Peter. Then Peter falls to the floor like a swan and bawls like a preschooler. Everyone in the Blockbuster Video store runs away terrified seeing a grown middle aged man having a 2 year old style tantrum. "See what you did Peter!" said Brian angerly.
*
At long last, Peter finally finds the secret decoder ring he was searching for in the last of the Grape Jelly Jars. Then he sings to the tune of 867-5309 Jenny by Tommy Tutone. "A DECORDER RING IT'S ALL MINE! THE DECODER RING IS ALL MINE!! I GOT IT! GOT IT! GOT IT! GOT THE RING OUT OF THE JAR!" Peter stops singing then boasts, "This was well worth it! My days as the Grape Jelly Bandit have payed off!" Peter then stares at the decoder ring and gets even more happier that he found the ring. "This is going to be awesome! I feel just as good as Judge Judy does when she sentences people!"
Cutaway Scene:
A Courtroom is shown and two women named Karen and Pamela were the plaintiff and the defendant. Judge Judy comes out of her quarters and announces her decision. "I find both the plaintiff and the defendants Pamela and Karen (long pause) SEXY!" Judge Judy says as she bangs her gavel and the audience was stunned. Judge Judy removes her mask and it was Quagmire the whole time.
"Heh heh heh heh! All right! This is one judge who's going to bang the gavel tonight! oh! Giggity Giggity Giggity GOO!"
The announcer says, "WHO ELSE BUT QUAGMIRE!" The song begins, as the screen shows Quagmire's face behind flashy colors. "It's Quagmire! Quagmire! You Never Know When He's Gonna Turn Up! Quagmire! Quagmire!"
Quagmire jumps out and shouts at the screen, "I'm The Judge And The Jury For Very Hot Chicks!"
Coming out of the shed, Peter hears Lois call him. "Peter, we're going to go out for dinner!"
"Geez Lois! Don't be such an overbearing bitch about it! Can't I enjoy my decoder ring first? I know! I'll take it with me!"
Soon afterwards, the Griffin Family were eating at McBurgerTown. Chris was still cracking up about the joke him and Neil Goldman made up earlier. Peter ignores everybody by looking at his ring.
"Hahahahahahahah! BUCK! BUCK! BUCK!" giggled Chris. "Enough Chris! Is it so hilarious you can't forget about it?" Lois said. Brian didn't get why Chris was laughing so hard. "What's with Chris, Lois?" "Oh, he and his friend Neil made up a stupid ass joke about the Cadbury Bunny, it's getting old now." said Lois. Stewie spouts, "They show that same Cadbury Bunny Try Outs Commercial EVERY (BEEP)ing YEAR! Just so morons who love monontinity can laugh (mocks laugh) HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! That Lion Gets Me All The Time. (normal voice) Make a new Cadbury Bunny commercial! Where's Don Draper when you need him!"
Meg looks at Peter staring at the ring. "That's a beautiful ring Dad! You going to try it on?" "SHUT UP MEG! You're ruining my constipation! I mean, concentration!!" Peter yelled. "Are you going to order something or are you going to stare all day?" asked Lois. "Guess he's going to stare all day." answered Brian. "Hey, Lois! Bet I can crack The Da Vinci Code with this!" Peter says. "Why don't you see if it fits, Dad?" asked Chris. Peter puts the ring on his finger. "You're correct, Chris. I haven't seen if it fits yet." said Peter. When Peter puts the ring on his finger, he disappears. The Family were shocked.
"OH MY GOSH! PETER!" Lois screamed.
"WHERE THE HELL DID HE GO?" Brian joins in.
"No! Dads gone! This can't be happening!" Chris panics.
"Hope he comes back." said Meg.
"I don't want him back! I want him to remain missing forever!" Stewie said.
Peter then finds himself in a very different Quahog. the song In A Blackout by Hamilton Leithauser and Rostam plays throughout. Buildings blown away, like a post apocalyptic world. Peter was terrified. "Oh no! What is this place?" Peter decides to explore and encircle the new Quahog he was transported to. "IS THERE ANYBODY HERE! HHHHEEEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOO!" As soon as Peter yelled a bunch of colored Transformer-like robots were chasing him.
Screaming, Peter says, "HOLY CRAP! Am I in that Bumble Bee movie or something?"!
The robots continue to chase Peter down the streets. "HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY! ANYBODY! MICHAEL BAY! CHRIS PRATT! HHHHEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPP!"
Peter was dodging the robots as they were shooting lasers at his feet. "Cool dance moves I have here! Wish it was a better occasion!" Peter then found a street corner and hid from the robots, but the robots did not give up looking for him. Peter finds a broken magazine stand and sees a newspaper and checks the date. "I'm in the year 2020! That's a year from now! Who's running this place? Kim Jung Un? Isis? Oh maybe Hilary! Ooooohhhhh!" Although Peter was in critical danger beyond his comprehension, he can never pass an opportunity to tell a joke. Peter decides to take the ring off then he was transported back to McBurgerTown.
"Peter what happened?! Where have you been?" Lois said noticing Peter was scared and consumed with fear.
Brian takes the ring and says, "I think this ring made him disappear. Perhaps it's a portal to another time period."
"Did you see the future Dad?" asked Chris.
"I....saw......the future...….." Peter confirms.
"What was there." asked Meg.
"Killer robots......that's basically about it." Peter said breathlessly.
"What year did you go to?" asked Brian. The Griffins had so many questions to ask.
"2020! Next year!" Peter gasped then fainted.
"Oh no! Someone take him to a hospital!" said Lois. "Good. I wasn't in the mood to eat out today, anyway." said Stewie. "Gotta watch the figure!"
Brian observes, "Whatever he saw must've had a huge impact on Peter. Like the time he watched the alternate version of The Prince of Tides where The Wingos raised reptiles."
Cutaway Scene:
Peter is in the living room watching the alternate Prince of Tides and he sees the Wingo parents Henry and Lila getting hassled by the reptiles they were raising.
"We want a nice delicious human meal!" shouts the alligator.
"I say we eat them!" joked the python.
"That doesn't sound like such a bad idea!" said the iguana.
Henry and Lila take a few steps back and run into the kitchen to cook some dog food.
"Henry melt the butter!" Lila said. "At least it's not human kids we're raising!" said Henry.
The dog food were served to the reptiles. "MMMMM! GOOD!"
"NOW MAKE US SOME MORE!"
Lila said, "You had enough!"
Henry yells, "Threaten us like that again, I'll teach you some respect with my belt!"
The python, alligator, and iguana got out of their chairs and walked up to Henry and Lila.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY? MOM! DAD!"
Peter eyes bulged out of his skull! "So reptiles can be abusive to their owners?! This makes me happy I never had reptiles!"
*
At the Quahog Hospital. Peter comes to and finds himself on a hospital bed. Lois, Brian, Meg, Chris and Stewie were there as well. "Oh, Peter! You're going to be fine!" Lois cheers. Meg spats, "How come it's okay for Dad to faint but it's not okay for me?" Everyone ignores Meg's statement and Lois asks about the future Peter saw. Chris asks, "So this Robot War that you have seen, it's happening next year?" Dr. Hartman comes in and checks on Peter, "A patient that has seen the future! Are lobotomies still allowed?" asked the doctor. "Uh, no." Brian retorts. Dr. Hartman walks out, "Oh, okay. Forget I said anything." "When you were in the future did you see us?" asked Chris. "Nope, it was just me." said Peter. "One thing is clear, I don't ever want to go back!"
Brian suggests, "But Peter. Maybe you have to."
"Whatever do you mean, Brian?"
"We certainly don't want a future with these what you say are killer robots destroying everything." Brian tells Peter.
"You can't make me go back!" Peter says.
"You have to. So you can put a stop to this." demands Brian. "We can't change the past but we can change the future!"
"Fine! Talked me into it! But this doesn't mean I'm going to like it! You're even more domineering than that father from Beasts of The Southern Wild!" Peter said.
Cutaway Scene:
Hushpuppy and her father Wink were in a broken house.
"Hurricane Katrina has destroyed everything and killed your mother!" Wink yelled.
Hushpuppy was about to cry.
"Don't you dare cry! Don't you dare cry! No crying! No crying!" Wink screams at his daughter.
Hushpuppy then gets really mad, "Should've been you who died instead of mom!"
"That's the spirit!" Wink complemented. "Say, I know! I'll let you beat me at arm wrestling!"
Hushpuppy says, "Uh, okay."
Wink adds, "By the way, prepare to really hold in your feelings because I'm going to die later in this movie!"
Peter puts back on the ring. "Wish I never found this stupid ass ring!" Peter then finds himself in damaged 2020 Quahog again. This time no robots were running around. Peter tries to find his family. Meg runs up to him.
"Dad! Dad! The robots are coming back! You have to hide!"
"Meg! Holy shit! Now I really hate this future! Are you the only survivor?" asked Peter with spite.
"No, Mom and everyone else are in that bookstore. She can explain everything there!" Meg said.
Peter was about to go to the bookstore then Meg is shot by a laser until she is reduced into a skeleton. Peter was amused. A voice shouts "Sorry! Friendly Fire!"
"Hmmmm, maybe this future is looking bright!" Peter smiled as he picked up one of Meg's bones then proceeded to bite it. "Yummy!"
A motorcycle comes towards Peter's direction and stops. It was Brian driving. Brian was dressed in leather and geared up as if he were a bounty hunter. "Peter! Come with me if you want to live!"
Peter agrees and gets on Brian's motorcycle. "This is kinda cool! It's 2020 and we're still quoting The Terminator."
Brian drives Peter to the bookstore on his motorcycle. The motorcycle stops once it's gets to the bookstore then Brian parks it and him and Peter go inside. Lois and Chris were inside. Peter is still sucking on Meg's bone.
Lois runs to Peter, "Peter! So happy to see you!" Peter and Lois hug.
"Oh Lois! You're my only link to the outside world! You're the key to my life!" Peter cried.
"That's very romantic of you to say Peter." Lois said.
"Why are we in this bookstore. Where's all the beer? What's with these robots?" Peter said asking so many questions trying to find out why Quahog was in such devastation.
"We'll explain. Stewie is behind all this." said Brian. "Wait? Stewie? Has he been a bad boy?" asked Peter suspiciously as he was still sucking on Meg's bone. "Pay no attention to that bone. That was just nobody who was killed earlier."
Brian says. "Afraid it's true. Stewie blew up a big event. Afterwards he then invented some sort of horomone that grew him up into an adult." explains Lois. "Go on." Said Peter blankly. "Then Stewie invented these robots to obliterate all of Quahog so he can achieve his goal of dominating the world." said Brian. Peter was clustered, "Had no idea Stewie had such great ambitions for the future." "Neither did we. Stewie actually is capable of such things! And that's why we are hiding in this bookstore." Chris said participating in the conversation.
Brian comes forward, "When I found out he was about to destroy a big event, I tried to scare him straight about the consequences of being evil by showing him a movie. Then once he saw this movie, he went ahead with his evil plan anyway. So I began an uprising against him with an army."
"Gotta find out what this event is, and what movie did Stewie see?" Peter said to himself. "Since you asked about beer. It's all gone. Stewie has it all. Also, he stole all the food too. You have to do 'favors' for him to get some food or drinks." Lois says. "Holy freaking crap!" said Peter hanging his head in sorrow. The robots returned and were on their way to the bookstore and blew up a window and roof. "LOOK OUT! HIT THE DECK!" Brian screamed as everyone ducked at the robots laser fire. The bookstore's roof was blown off. "Great! This was our only place to stay!" Chris cries. Herbert came out of the sky with a flying Sagway and landed next to Chris.
"Chris! So glad you're okay!" Herbert said. "Herbert! What are you doing here?" asked Peter. "You're not safe here anymore Chris! You must have to stay with me until we overthrow Stewie. Sad thing is? I used to like Stewie, until he grew up!" Herbert shouted in anger. "Go with the nice old man, Chris. At least we'll know your life will be ensured with him!" Lois tells her son. Chris agrees to go, "I'm coming with you! Goodbye Mom and Dad! Gonna miss you! Good luck! LOVE YOU!" Chris gets on Herbert's flying Sagway and he tells Chris, "You're gonna love my bomb shelter! Has everything a little boy can ever ask for!"
The entarance to the bookstore was then blown up by the robots and an army of robotic mannequin women broke in with Quagmire as their leader. Quagmire was wearing an army hat and was Hawaiian Shirt was full of medals. Peter was happy to see his perverted friend. "Quagmire! Are you here to rescue us?" Peter asked. "No, Peter! Glenn isn't here to save us! He's a general in Stewie's army!" Lois said. Brian walks up to Quagmire. "You son of a bitch! Isn't that you like to be on the side of the bad!" Quagmire said, "Correct-a-mundo! I'm a General for life! Besides, it's always more fun on the evil side! Wicked chicks are a lot hotter! OH!"
Brian decides to challenge Quagmire. "Yeah, well I have an army too!" "Really? I don't see them anywhere! Nobody can take on my army!" said Quagmire. Brian blows a whistle and out of nowhere came a flock of Joe Swanson clones. "THIS! Going to take down whatever this shit is you have!" "LET'S DO IT!" The Joe clones shouted in unison as they were armed with weapons. The Joe Clones took on Quagmire's army of robotic mannequin women who were also armed with weapons. "Great! Now we gotta hide again!" said Lois leading Peter to a bookshelf that fell down. "Brian and Quagmire are at war with each other now!" said Peter.
"Brilliant observation, dumbass!" A voice was heard behind Peter and Lois.
"Who was that?" asked Lois.
"We're about to find out." said Peter. Him and Lois turned to see Stewie. Who looked as he did in Stewie Griffin The Untold Story but he was wearing a supervillain livery. James Woods and Ernie the Giant Chicken were standing next to him. Peter screamed prolonged until he stopped.
"Stewie! When did you become to depraved and messed up!" asked Peter.
"Oh! So now you care about Stewie!" he spat at his father.
"Hi Lois! In case if you're wondering what happened to your parents and everyone in Quahog! DEAD! AND YOU'RE BOTH NEXT!"
Lois broke down and cried. Peter said, "You're right to cry Lois! Stewie has an even bigger ego than an 1990s era teenage geeky boy who's a straight A student who thinks he understands the indistinct jokes from MST3K!"
Cutaway Scene:
A teenage boy is seen in a basement watching MST3K. His name was Tom. He had braces, and was wearing a Harvard Hoodie and penny loafers and yellow slacks. On the TV Crow T. Robot says, "This movie is almost as bad as a book written by James Garrison!" "I totally understand that! That's the author who wrote High Treason!" Tom runs upstairs all excited and sees his younger sister Sadie watching TV. Sadie was wearing a short sleeved blouse, short skirt with leggings and sneakers, she too had braces. "Did you hear that, Sadie! Crow just told a hilarious joke of a book about the Kennedy Assassination!" Sadie yells at Tom, "Shut up, Tom! I'm watching Rocko's Modern Life!" Tom was upset and astounded that Sadie wasn't watching MST3K then he walked away disgusted with her. "Stupid kids show! Next time we'll know you'll be watching Arthur!"
*
Stewie standing with James Woods and Ernie the Chicken who were between him. James Woods and Ernie aside from Quagmire were the only ones on Stewie's side. "You, your friends, and your family are the only ones Stewie kept alive. Don't think you'll be for long!" warned James Woods to Peter. "Love what I did with the place, eh Peter and Lois! Don't you?" "No! This is awful!" said Lois. "If only someone can prevent this from ever happening!" Lois cried again. "Why did you kill everyone?" asked Peter to Stewie. "The reason that is was because I knew they would try to turn against me. So I replaced everyone in town with loyal subserviant robots!" Stewie said. Ernie the Chicken had an uzi to Peter's head. "I kept you all alive so I can have the pleasure of watching you suffer! Great job killing Meg, by the way! Take them out!" ordered Stewie. Peter takes off the ring before Ernie can kill him. He is now back in 2019 Quahog. Peter noticed he was back home. "Wasn't I in the hospital?" fathomed Peter.
Meg is sitting on the couch and asked, "Did you find out who's going to eliminate Quahog? Bet it's you, isn't it, Dad!" Brian walks into the living room. "Peter what did you find out! And Meg, stop trying to confirm it to yourself that Peter is this savage inhumane father!" "That's because he is! Maybe he's the one who built those robots!" Meg tells Brian. "You ought to watch that new HBO Series My Brilliant Friend and follow the story of the character Lila and you will see what an abusive father really is!" Brian said to Meg who walks off sadly and sobbing. "Thanks for standing up to that bitch for me, Brian!" Peter said. "Anytime!" Brian said as him and Peter sit on the couch. "Tell me everything." said Brian.
Peter says, "Well, it all begins as Stewie is going to destroy an event." Brian said, "Stewie huh! Not too astounding. Please continue." "Me, Lois, Chris, You, Herbert, Quagmire, and Joe are kept alive. Meg dies a radical death. When Stewie is going take down this event, you try to stop him by showing a movie but then....He's going to make himself grow into an adult and then take over Quahog with robots." "We're onto something here. All we need to do is find out about this event." said Brian then had a idea. Perhaps you can use that ring to back to whatever the event is going to be." "If the fate of this town is upon me. I shall be the one to save it!" vowed Peter.
"That's the spirit Peter! This experience has really made you brave!" Brian complemented. The ring is put on Peter's finger once more and he is in his room. Peter looks at the calendar. "Hmmm, June 2019." The TV announces, "Do You Want To Be A Pop Star? Want to Have Your Face Plastered All Over Social Media? Looking For Seemingly Eternal Fame? America's Got Talent is auditioning here in Quahog. Must Be 18 or older to sign up! Apply Within!" "That must be the event! I have to deter Stewie from blowing it to oblivion!" said Peter.
Stewie walks into the living room with Rupert. "America's Got Talent audition in Quahog! There is no way I am going to have Singing Reality TV Shows come to close to home! I must obliterate it! First I must grow myself into an adult! By inventing a hormone....." Peter sneaks down the living room. "This must be when it happens."
Peter hears Stewie in his room. The sounds seem as if Stewie was building something. Brian walks to Peter. "What are you doing today, Peter? Aren't you going to hang out at the Clam?" "Hear anything in Stewie's room?" he asked the dog. Brian hears it too, "You're right." Brian rushes into Stewie's bedroom. "Whatcha building there Stewie! A sex doll of Howie Mandell!" laughs Brian. "While you're at it, make one for me of Heidi Klum!"
Stewie spilled with hatred, "Very hilarious Brian! This is a killer robot! I shall use it to murder everyone on and annihilate America's Got Talent!" "Now Stewie! Why would you want to do that? I was never batshit crazy about reality singing shows myself. That doesn't make me want to go on a killing spree. You're talking about the killing of innocent people!" Brian asked with concern. "I will NOT have reality TV come to our hometown Brian! Then whoever wins is going to be all over TV, magazines, and the internet. You know how that goes. So I will spare everyone the agony of hearing about some Pop Star that nobody will shut up about!" Stewie said.
Brian and Stewie begin to contend and assert with each other until they imbricate their words. Brian then barks in Stewie's face and screams at him to shut up. "Yell at me and threaten all you can! You can't stop me! Not even the FBI, CIA, Greenpeace, or The National Guard can intervene!" Stewie tells Brian who then asserts some authority over Stewie, "You need to see Salo!" Peter peeps through Stewie's bedroom door. "That must be the killer robot and that movie! Jesus Christ! Salo? What a dumb name for a movie! " "What the (beep) is Salo?!" Stewie asked as he yelled.
"Salo Or The 120 Days of Sodom. It's an Italian Independent Horror Movie. Came out in 1975." Brian informed the baby. "What does that have to do with anything I'm doing here?" asked Stewie. "I plan to show you this movie so I can put some trepidation in you. By showing you what can happen if you're evil and take it to an extreme! Furthermore, how much trauma and damage you can really inflict on people!" Brian tells Stewie as he points his finger at him. Stewie slaps away Brian's finger, "Get your finger away from me! Trying to finger bang me!" Brian runs out of Stewie's room, "Where are you going?" calls Stewie. "To get a DVD of Salo or The 120 Days of Sodom and show it to you! Think Herbert might have a copy of it someplace." Brian calls back. Stewie runs after Brian. "Brian. NO! I'll stop! I won't go through with it! I'll change! Don't need to see any unknown independent movie! Can we watch Priscilla Queen of The Desert instead?"
Peter decides to make his move. However isn't sure what to do. Peter is very sad about his indecisiveness since the fate of Quahog rests on his shoulders. "I don't know what to do. Should I go to Herbert's and try to get that movie? Or break apart Stewie's Killer Robot Machine?"
*
Not wanting to lose Brian's respect but still had the urge to blow up the American's Got Talent Audition, Stewie was on his way to run after Brian to try to stop him from trying to scare Stewie straight by showing him that Indie Horror flick. "Brian, wait! Come back! Remember that nightmare I had when I lost your respect......." Peter then had a lightbulb moment.
"That's it! I will yield Brian from showing Stewie that movie. Hi-ho! hi-ho! To Herbert's house I go!" Moments have passed, and Brian was at Herbert's doorstep and Stewie was peeking around the corner of a streetlight. Brian knocked and Herbert answered, "Hi there Brian! What can I do for you?" asked Herbert. "Uh, yes. You wouldn't happen to have a copy of Salo Or The 120 Days of Sodom on DVD do you?" asked Brian. "You bet I do! What do you want with it?" asked Herbert. Brian answers, "Uhhh, to show to a history class I'm teaching in college." Peter arrives at Herbert's backyard and breaks into Herbert's basement where he kept a DVD collection. Peter was freaked out about the DVDs that Herbert owned. The DVDs were a selection of kids movies spanning from the 1980s to 2000s.
"Good Burger, The Sandlot, Home Alone, Gremlins, ET, Mighty Ducks, Free Willy! The whole set of Ricky, Dicky, Nicky, and Dawn? Spy Kids? Harry Potter! Dammit where is this Salo one!" Peter frantically searched. Peter then said, "Oh my god! Herbert's DVD Collection is giving me Heebies Jeebies! I haven't been this creeped out since I heard the theme to Crazy Bus!"
Cutaway Scene:
Peter is locked in a room with a computer that is playing the Crazy Bus theme. Banging on the doors, Peter yells, "LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! I CAN STAND THIS SHIT ANYMORE!"
Rummaging through the DVD Collection, Peter finally finds Salo. "Yes! Got it!" Peter takes the movie out of the DVD Case and smashes it. Peter then takes a DVD of a cartoon called Wunchpunsch. "I'll put one of my DVDs in here!" Peter hurried to get out out Herbert's basement. Herbert gets the DVD and gives it to Brian. "Here it is! Have fun with it! I know I do!" Herbert said. "Thank you so much! OH, Stewie!" Brian called out. Stewie comes out of hiding. "Hey, Brian! You know I changed my mind about the whole thing!" "You know I don't believe you, right? Figured you were going to hide away and try to stop me. How about we go home and sit down on the couch?" asked Brian. "NO please! Don't make me!" begged Stewie. Brian dragging Stewie by the arm, "Oh yes you will! Because I got a copy of Salo! Time to make you piss your pants and be scared of evil!" Brian said.
Peter decides to run back home, get a sledgehammer and goes into Stewie's bedroom. "Now to be sure this awful future never happens!" Peter takes the sledgehammer and smashes and destroys Stewie's killer robot. Peter stood tall and proud about what he had done. "Lois always says I'm good at breaking stuff! hee hee hee hee hee hee!" Brian screamed out, "WHAT THE (BEEP) IS GOING ON! THIS ISN'T SALO! WHAT THE HELL IS WUNCHPUNSCH!" Stewie laughs at him, "HA HA! Looks like you won't be punishing me today! Welp, off to start off my Killer Robot! America's Got Talent will be nothing but history!" Stewie runs to his room and Brian follows.
Peter jumps out the window. Stewie sees the destruction that was brought upon his killer robot. "WHAT THE DUECE! WHO DID IT!" Brian then laughs. "America's Got Talent is free to go on!" Peter hears them both shouting and arguing. "I saved Quahog have a bleak and mundane future! I'm a better hero than Letter Man from The Electric Company!"
Cutaway Scene:
Letter Man is shown flying through the air as the theme song plays. "The Adventures of Letter Man!" "Today's Episode Blowing up The Moon". The evil Spell Binder is building a bomb to blow up the moon. A needle scratch is heard and The Cutaway was cut short.
"Sorry I don't have time to show the rest of the cutaway, people. Come up with your own conclusion." Peter tells the audience as he takes off the ring and goes back to early 2019 Quahog. Then Peter puts on the ring again, and is back in 2020, but only this time, everything in Quahog was back to it's peaceful glory. However there was a political parade going on in Donald Trump's honor. "Better than a robot apocalypse I guess!" Peter sighs a breath of relief. Peter takes off the ring and is back in present day. Brian and Lois walk into the room.
Lois runs and hugs him. "Peter! I'm so happy you were able to save our town from giant killer robots!" "I am happy for myself too, Lois!" Peter said. "So Peter what are you going to do with that ring?" asked Brian. "Would you like to break it for me? It's been nothing but trouble." Peter suggested. "Absolutely!" Brian said without hesitation to break the ring. Then a gust of smoke comes out of the rubble from the ring. "You know Peter. That Grape Jelly you bought is still in the shed." said Lois. "What are you going to do about that?" Brian asks.
"HEEEEK! I FORGOT!" Peter panics. The last scene set in June 2019, shows the Griffin House in the form of a water park. Peter was in the front door selling tickets.
"WELCOME TO PETER'S GRIFFIN'S GRAPE JELLY WATER PARK! GRAPE JELLY WATER PARK! YOU HEARD RIGHT! GET YOUR TICKETS! $50 Dollars Per person! Contractional Obligations apply!" Lois, Meg, Chris, Stewie, and Brian all watch out the window.
"Peter bought out and tore down Chico's Monkey Farm to build this?" asked Brian in disgust. "I really should stop asking my parents to lend him money"! said Lois.
The End
The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production
End Notes: Please watch the new HBO series My Brilliant Friend. It's very riveting and mind blowing. Hope Family Guy can reference it someday. The HBO Show was referenced in a positive way in this fanfiction. As for the Salo or The 120 Days of Sodom reference in this fanfiction. Heard about it on those Watchmojo videos. Was horrified at some of the scenes it shown. It was to make fun of that movie and how stupid it was. Wish Family Guy would make a mockery of that awful terrible movie.
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Jellyhouse Five
Spring had finally sprung in Quahog. After a harsh long winter. Lois was out grocery shopping with Stewie and Chris. "I didn't have a test or a field trip today. Just so you know." Said Chris who decided to skip school for the day. "Guess it's time to stock up for spring now, hey boys?" asked Lois ignoring Chris. Stewie was appalled, "That is what she comes up with? Can't come up with anything better?" Chris begins to laugh really loud to a point where he was cracking up. "Chris. You've been laughing ever since we came here. Stop now! Want people to think you're a schizoid?" Lois replies with concern. "I can't help it Mom! Just made up the funniest joke!" laughed Chris. "All right. What's the joke?" asked Lois. "My friend Neil and I made up a joke about the Cadbury Bunny. How it goes 'buck' 'buck' buck'. Well we made up something where the Cadbury Bunny says....." Lois cuts off Chris at the pass. "Don't even think about saying what I think you're going to say!" demanded Lois and then she added, "I'll bet it's the f word that rhymes with 'buck'? Am I right? Let me think here, Neil made it up because Jews don't celebrate Easter!" Chris laughs some more. "You guessed correctly Mom!" "Stop laughing, Chris!" growled Lois.
Stewie was even upset about Chris's never ending laughter, "Look at him yucking around. Like a heckler laughing at the 'act like a man' scene from The Godfather.
Cutaway Scene:
A theater is shown and the screen features Don Corleone yelling, "You Can Act Like A Man!" Then a guy in the audience gaffaws very loudly and has people stare at him.
"This isn't supposed to be a comedy." said a man. "I know! Doesn't he even know where he is"? asked a woman.
Lois reached the bread section. "We need jelly." "It's down there!" laughed Chris. "We're going to talk to a therapist about this, Chris! To talk about this goofy, nutty behavior of yours!" Lois walked down the aisle to find the jelly then noticed all the grape jelly is gone. "Oh my goodness! No grape jelly? Who could've done such a thing!" When Lois was done with groceries, her and Brian were in the family room watching TV on the couch. "There's a grape jelly theft going on. Nobody will probably take this too seriously." says Brian to himself. Lois says, "Well the news should know something. Don't like hearing anything about crime in our town. Even if it is Grape Jelly." Tom Tucker and Joyce Kinney were on. "Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker!" "And I'm Joyce Kinney." "Funny how nobody mentions Diane Simmons anymore." Brian said. "Maybe it's best that bitch is forgotten." said Lois referring to the time when she almost died, where the whole town was invited to a luncheon in a mansion by James Woods and all those murders that occurred at her hands.
"Today's top story, someone in Quahog has bought out all the grape jelly in the grocery stores." Tom Tucker reports. "We here at channel 5 are calling the culprit the Grape Jelly Bandit!" said Joyce. "Why does anyone who steals always called a 'bandit'? Why not call them what they really are? Thieving Assholes!" said Brian. "Good point!" agreed Lois. Tom Tucker reports, "We have no idea what the motive is. We have Ollie Williams at the scene, Ollie?" Ollie shouts "Where the hell is the grape jelly?" "Thanks Ollie!" said Tom. "We will keep you up to date on any breaking further developments on the notorious Grape Jelly Bandit." promises Joyce. "I'm not getting involved." said Lois. "Neither am I! Unless we were sucked into it!" said Brian. Lois noticed that the shed in the backyard moved a little. "Did you see that shed move"? asked Lois with fright.
Brian and Lois ran to the shed in the backyard. They opened the door and sure enough they see Peter Griffin with enough Grape Jelly jars to last the Griffin Family 2 years. Peter became frenetic. "Stay away! Stay away! STAY AWAY!" Lois and Brian were slowly approaching Peter as he gets a cross and points it at them both. "Back away, Satan!" Peter yelled. Brian observes, "So PETER was the Grape Jelly Bandit. Think I spoke too soon about getting sucked into this." "You did," stated Lois. "Peter, why on earth did you buy all the Grape Jelly in Quahog?" asked Brian. "Because with a name like Smuckers it has to be good! hee hee hee hee hee hee! Smuckers Jelly Always Taste the Freshness!" laughs Peter. "We're serious, Peter! Why did you do this?" Lois yelled. Peter explains, "Because I want the secret decoder ring."
Lois and Brian could not fathom. Peter explains, "Saw a commercial that Smuckers Grape Jelly had a prize inside. It was a secret decoder ring mind you."
"Why do you want a secret decoder ring?" Lois asked in a harsh tone.
"I want to decode messages. Just hope none of the messages doesn't say, 'Always Drink Your Ovaltine! You know. Like in A Christmas Story?" Peter states.
"So you bought all these jelly jars in hopes to get some piece of shit?" asked Brian. "Of all things that supposedly helps you decipher messages? What kind of messages I wonder? Knowing you it's probably poop emojis!"
"Yes, yes I did! Now get out! I have some searching to do!" Peter points Lois and Brian out. Peter opens one Jelly Jar after another. "Come on decoder ring! I KNOW YOU'RE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE!!!!"
Brian and Lois stood outside the shed. "For a second there I thought Peter had a fight with Cleveland or something." said Lois who could not understand what she and Brian had just witnessed.
"You're telling me. I haven't seen Peter this frenzied since our last trip to Blockbuster Video." Brian said.
Cutaway Scene:
Peter and Brian were walking around Blockbuster Video. Peter kept saying in a loop, "ART! ART! ART! ART! I want a movie that is ART!" A cashier comes to Peter's aid. "Young man did you just say you wanted a movie that is considered, 'Art'? "You sir read my mind!" said Peter. The cashier tells and leads Peter to the independent films section. "Might I suggest something of the historical or independent variety! Here we have the titles Caligula and Killing Zoe!" "I LOVE THIS!" said Peter. Brian tells the cashier, "Please excuse him, this is just a kick that he's on." Peter and Brian go to the checkout and Peter says, "I GOT ART NOW! ART! ART! ART!" Then Peter sees a mother and a little kid with her who was her son. Peter sneers in the kid's face, "What are you two getting? Captain Underpants? I'm getting ART!" The mother and son were stunned. "Quit taunting people like that!" gruffed Brian at Peter. The check out lady sees the Caligula video and says, "I'm afraid you can't check this out." "WHY NOT, BITCH! Don't you dare try to ruin my fun with movies that are ART!" Peter growls in the check out lady's face. "Because this movie was banned from the United States." the check out lady tells Peter. Then Peter falls to the floor like a swan and bawls like a preschooler. Everyone in the Blockbuster Video store runs away terrified seeing a grown middle aged man having a 2 year old style tantrum. "See what you did Peter!" said Brian angerly.
*
At long last, Peter finally finds the secret decoder ring he was searching for in the last of the Grape Jelly Jars. Then he sings to the tune of 867-5309 Jenny by Tommy Tutone. "A DECORDER RING IT'S ALL MINE! THE DECODER RING IS ALL MINE!! I GOT IT! GOT IT! GOT IT! GOT THE RING OUT OF THE JAR!" Peter stops singing then boasts, "This was well worth it! My days as the Grape Jelly Bandit have payed off!" Peter then stares at the decoder ring and gets even more happier that he found the ring. "This is going to be awesome! I feel just as good as Judge Judy does when she sentences people!"
Cutaway Scene:
A Courtroom is shown and two women named Karen and Pamela were the plaintiff and the defendant. Judge Judy comes out of her quarters and announces her decision. "I find both the plaintiff and the defendants Pamela and Karen (long pause) SEXY!" Judge Judy says as she bangs her gavel and the audience was stunned. Judge Judy removes her mask and it was Quagmire the whole time.
"Heh heh heh heh! All right! This is one judge who's going to bang the gavel tonight! oh! Giggity Giggity Giggity GOO!"
The announcer says, "WHO ELSE BUT QUAGMIRE!" The song begins, as the screen shows Quagmire's face behind flashy colors. "It's Quagmire! Quagmire! You Never Know When He's Gonna Turn Up! Quagmire! Quagmire!"
Quagmire jumps out and shouts at the screen, "I'm The Judge And The Jury For Very Hot Chicks!"
Coming out of the shed, Peter hears Lois call him. "Peter, we're going to go out for dinner!"
"Geez Lois! Don't be such an overbearing bitch about it! Can't I enjoy my decoder ring first? I know! I'll take it with me!"
Soon afterwards, the Griffin Family were eating at McBurgerTown. Chris was still cracking up about the joke him and Neil Goldman made up earlier. Peter ignores everybody by looking at his ring.
"Hahahahahahahah! BUCK! BUCK! BUCK!" giggled Chris. "Enough Chris! Is it so hilarious you can't forget about it?" Lois said. Brian didn't get why Chris was laughing so hard. "What's with Chris, Lois?" "Oh, he and his friend Neil made up a stupid ass joke about the Cadbury Bunny, it's getting old now." said Lois. Stewie spouts, "They show that same Cadbury Bunny Try Outs Commercial EVERY (BEEP)ing YEAR! Just so morons who love monontinity can laugh (mocks laugh) HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! That Lion Gets Me All The Time. (normal voice) Make a new Cadbury Bunny commercial! Where's Don Draper when you need him!"
Meg looks at Peter staring at the ring. "That's a beautiful ring Dad! You going to try it on?" "SHUT UP MEG! You're ruining my constipation! I mean, concentration!!" Peter yelled. "Are you going to order something or are you going to stare all day?" asked Lois. "Guess he's going to stare all day." answered Brian. "Hey, Lois! Bet I can crack The Da Vinci Code with this!" Peter says. "Why don't you see if it fits, Dad?" asked Chris. Peter puts the ring on his finger. "You're correct, Chris. I haven't seen if it fits yet." said Peter. When Peter puts the ring on his finger, he disappears. The Family were shocked.
"OH MY GOSH! PETER!" Lois screamed.
"WHERE THE HELL DID HE GO?" Brian joins in.
"No! Dads gone! This can't be happening!" Chris panics.
"Hope he comes back." said Meg.
"I don't want him back! I want him to remain missing forever!" Stewie said.
Peter then finds himself in a very different Quahog. the song In A Blackout by Hamilton Leithauser and Rostam plays throughout. Buildings blown away, like a post apocalyptic world. Peter was terrified. "Oh no! What is this place?" Peter decides to explore and encircle the new Quahog he was transported to. "IS THERE ANYBODY HERE! HHHHEEEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOO!" As soon as Peter yelled a bunch of colored Transformer-like robots were chasing him.
Screaming, Peter says, "HOLY CRAP! Am I in that Bumble Bee movie or something?"!
The robots continue to chase Peter down the streets. "HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY! ANYBODY! MICHAEL BAY! CHRIS PRATT! HHHHEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPP!"
Peter was dodging the robots as they were shooting lasers at his feet. "Cool dance moves I have here! Wish it was a better occasion!" Peter then found a street corner and hid from the robots, but the robots did not give up looking for him. Peter finds a broken magazine stand and sees a newspaper and checks the date. "I'm in the year 2020! That's a year from now! Who's running this place? Kim Jung Un? Isis? Oh maybe Hilary! Ooooohhhhh!" Although Peter was in critical danger beyond his comprehension, he can never pass an opportunity to tell a joke. Peter decides to take the ring off then he was transported back to McBurgerTown.
"Peter what happened?! Where have you been?" Lois said noticing Peter was scared and consumed with fear.
Brian takes the ring and says, "I think this ring made him disappear. Perhaps it's a portal to another time period."
"Did you see the future Dad?" asked Chris.
"I....saw......the future...….." Peter confirms.
"What was there." asked Meg.
"Killer robots......that's basically about it." Peter said breathlessly.
"What year did you go to?" asked Brian. The Griffins had so many questions to ask.
"2020! Next year!" Peter gasped then fainted.
"Oh no! Someone take him to a hospital!" said Lois. "Good. I wasn't in the mood to eat out today, anyway." said Stewie. "Gotta watch the figure!"
Brian observes, "Whatever he saw must've had a huge impact on Peter. Like the time he watched the alternate version of The Prince of Tides where The Wingos raised reptiles."
Cutaway Scene:
Peter is in the living room watching the alternate Prince of Tides and he sees the Wingo parents Henry and Lila getting hassled by the reptiles they were raising.
"We want a nice delicious human meal!" shouts the alligator.
"I say we eat them!" joked the python.
"That doesn't sound like such a bad idea!" said the iguana.
Henry and Lila take a few steps back and run into the kitchen to cook some dog food.
"Henry melt the butter!" Lila said. "At least it's not human kids we're raising!" said Henry.
The dog food were served to the reptiles. "MMMMM! GOOD!"
"NOW MAKE US SOME MORE!"
Lila said, "You had enough!"
Henry yells, "Threaten us like that again, I'll teach you some respect with my belt!"
The python, alligator, and iguana got out of their chairs and walked up to Henry and Lila.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY? MOM! DAD!"
Peter eyes bulged out of his skull! "So reptiles can be abusive to their owners?! This makes me happy I never had reptiles!"
*
At the Quahog Hospital. Peter comes to and finds himself on a hospital bed. Lois, Brian, Meg, Chris and Stewie were there as well. "Oh, Peter! You're going to be fine!" Lois cheers. Meg spats, "How come it's okay for Dad to faint but it's not okay for me?" Everyone ignores Meg's statement and Lois asks about the future Peter saw. Chris asks, "So this Robot War that you have seen, it's happening next year?" Dr. Hartman comes in and checks on Peter, "A patient that has seen the future! Are lobotomies still allowed?" asked the doctor. "Uh, no." Brian retorts. Dr. Hartman walks out, "Oh, okay. Forget I said anything." "When you were in the future did you see us?" asked Chris. "Nope, it was just me." said Peter. "One thing is clear, I don't ever want to go back!"
Brian suggests, "But Peter. Maybe you have to."
"Whatever do you mean, Brian?"
"We certainly don't want a future with these what you say are killer robots destroying everything." Brian tells Peter.
"You can't make me go back!" Peter says.
"You have to. So you can put a stop to this." demands Brian. "We can't change the past but we can change the future!"
"Fine! Talked me into it! But this doesn't mean I'm going to like it! You're even more domineering than that father from Beasts of The Southern Wild!" Peter said.
Cutaway Scene:
Hushpuppy and her father Wink were in a broken house.
"Hurricane Katrina has destroyed everything and killed your mother!" Wink yelled.
Hushpuppy was about to cry.
"Don't you dare cry! Don't you dare cry! No crying! No crying!" Wink screams at his daughter.
Hushpuppy then gets really mad, "Should've been you who died instead of mom!"
"That's the spirit!" Wink complemented. "Say, I know! I'll let you beat me at arm wrestling!"
Hushpuppy says, "Uh, okay."
Wink adds, "By the way, prepare to really hold in your feelings because I'm going to die later in this movie!"
Peter puts back on the ring. "Wish I never found this stupid ass ring!" Peter then finds himself in damaged 2020 Quahog again. This time no robots were running around. Peter tries to find his family. Meg runs up to him.
"Dad! Dad! The robots are coming back! You have to hide!"
"Meg! Holy shit! Now I really hate this future! Are you the only survivor?" asked Peter with spite.
"No, Mom and everyone else are in that bookstore. She can explain everything there!" Meg said.
Peter was about to go to the bookstore then Meg is shot by a laser until she is reduced into a skeleton. Peter was amused. A voice shouts "Sorry! Friendly Fire!"
"Hmmmm, maybe this future is looking bright!" Peter smiled as he picked up one of Meg's bones then proceeded to bite it. "Yummy!"
A motorcycle comes towards Peter's direction and stops. It was Brian driving. Brian was dressed in leather and geared up as if he were a bounty hunter. "Peter! Come with me if you want to live!"
Peter agrees and gets on Brian's motorcycle. "This is kinda cool! It's 2020 and we're still quoting The Terminator."
Brian drives Peter to the bookstore on his motorcycle. The motorcycle stops once it's gets to the bookstore then Brian parks it and him and Peter go inside. Lois and Chris were inside. Peter is still sucking on Meg's bone.
Lois runs to Peter, "Peter! So happy to see you!" Peter and Lois hug.
"Oh Lois! You're my only link to the outside world! You're the key to my life!" Peter cried.
"That's very romantic of you to say Peter." Lois said.
"Why are we in this bookstore. Where's all the beer? What's with these robots?" Peter said asking so many questions trying to find out why Quahog was in such devastation.
"We'll explain. Stewie is behind all this." said Brian. "Wait? Stewie? Has he been a bad boy?" asked Peter suspiciously as he was still sucking on Meg's bone. "Pay no attention to that bone. That was just nobody who was killed earlier."
Brian says. "Afraid it's true. Stewie blew up a big event. Afterwards he then invented some sort of horomone that grew him up into an adult." explains Lois. "Go on." Said Peter blankly. "Then Stewie invented these robots to obliterate all of Quahog so he can achieve his goal of dominating the world." said Brian. Peter was clustered, "Had no idea Stewie had such great ambitions for the future." "Neither did we. Stewie actually is capable of such things! And that's why we are hiding in this bookstore." Chris said participating in the conversation.
Brian comes forward, "When I found out he was about to destroy a big event, I tried to scare him straight about the consequences of being evil by showing him a movie. Then once he saw this movie, he went ahead with his evil plan anyway. So I began an uprising against him with an army."
"Gotta find out what this event is, and what movie did Stewie see?" Peter said to himself. "Since you asked about beer. It's all gone. Stewie has it all. Also, he stole all the food too. You have to do 'favors' for him to get some food or drinks." Lois says. "Holy freaking crap!" said Peter hanging his head in sorrow. The robots returned and were on their way to the bookstore and blew up a window and roof. "LOOK OUT! HIT THE DECK!" Brian screamed as everyone ducked at the robots laser fire. The bookstore's roof was blown off. "Great! This was our only place to stay!" Chris cries. Herbert came out of the sky with a flying Sagway and landed next to Chris.
"Chris! So glad you're okay!" Herbert said. "Herbert! What are you doing here?" asked Peter. "You're not safe here anymore Chris! You must have to stay with me until we overthrow Stewie. Sad thing is? I used to like Stewie, until he grew up!" Herbert shouted in anger. "Go with the nice old man, Chris. At least we'll know your life will be ensured with him!" Lois tells her son. Chris agrees to go, "I'm coming with you! Goodbye Mom and Dad! Gonna miss you! Good luck! LOVE YOU!" Chris gets on Herbert's flying Sagway and he tells Chris, "You're gonna love my bomb shelter! Has everything a little boy can ever ask for!"
The entarance to the bookstore was then blown up by the robots and an army of robotic mannequin women broke in with Quagmire as their leader. Quagmire was wearing an army hat and was Hawaiian Shirt was full of medals. Peter was happy to see his perverted friend. "Quagmire! Are you here to rescue us?" Peter asked. "No, Peter! Glenn isn't here to save us! He's a general in Stewie's army!" Lois said. Brian walks up to Quagmire. "You son of a bitch! Isn't that you like to be on the side of the bad!" Quagmire said, "Correct-a-mundo! I'm a General for life! Besides, it's always more fun on the evil side! Wicked chicks are a lot hotter! OH!"
Brian decides to challenge Quagmire. "Yeah, well I have an army too!" "Really? I don't see them anywhere! Nobody can take on my army!" said Quagmire. Brian blows a whistle and out of nowhere came a flock of Joe Swanson clones. "THIS! Going to take down whatever this shit is you have!" "LET'S DO IT!" The Joe clones shouted in unison as they were armed with weapons. The Joe Clones took on Quagmire's army of robotic mannequin women who were also armed with weapons. "Great! Now we gotta hide again!" said Lois leading Peter to a bookshelf that fell down. "Brian and Quagmire are at war with each other now!" said Peter.
"Brilliant observation, dumbass!" A voice was heard behind Peter and Lois.
"Who was that?" asked Lois.
"We're about to find out." said Peter. Him and Lois turned to see Stewie. Who looked as he did in Stewie Griffin The Untold Story but he was wearing a supervillain livery. James Woods and Ernie the Giant Chicken were standing next to him. Peter screamed prolonged until he stopped.
"Stewie! When did you become to depraved and messed up!" asked Peter.
"Oh! So now you care about Stewie!" he spat at his father.
"Hi Lois! In case if you're wondering what happened to your parents and everyone in Quahog! DEAD! AND YOU'RE BOTH NEXT!"
Lois broke down and cried. Peter said, "You're right to cry Lois! Stewie has an even bigger ego than an 1990s era teenage geeky boy who's a straight A student who thinks he understands the indistinct jokes from MST3K!"
Cutaway Scene:
A teenage boy is seen in a basement watching MST3K. His name was Tom. He had braces, and was wearing a Harvard Hoodie and penny loafers and yellow slacks. On the TV Crow T. Robot says, "This movie is almost as bad as a book written by James Garrison!" "I totally understand that! That's the author who wrote High Treason!" Tom runs upstairs all excited and sees his younger sister Sadie watching TV. Sadie was wearing a short sleeved blouse, short skirt with leggings and sneakers, she too had braces. "Did you hear that, Sadie! Crow just told a hilarious joke of a book about the Kennedy Assassination!" Sadie yells at Tom, "Shut up, Tom! I'm watching Rocko's Modern Life!" Tom was upset and astounded that Sadie wasn't watching MST3K then he walked away disgusted with her. "Stupid kids show! Next time we'll know you'll be watching Arthur!"
*
Stewie standing with James Woods and Ernie the Chicken who were between him. James Woods and Ernie aside from Quagmire were the only ones on Stewie's side. "You, your friends, and your family are the only ones Stewie kept alive. Don't think you'll be for long!" warned James Woods to Peter. "Love what I did with the place, eh Peter and Lois! Don't you?" "No! This is awful!" said Lois. "If only someone can prevent this from ever happening!" Lois cried again. "Why did you kill everyone?" asked Peter to Stewie. "The reason that is was because I knew they would try to turn against me. So I replaced everyone in town with loyal subserviant robots!" Stewie said. Ernie the Chicken had an uzi to Peter's head. "I kept you all alive so I can have the pleasure of watching you suffer! Great job killing Meg, by the way! Take them out!" ordered Stewie. Peter takes off the ring before Ernie can kill him. He is now back in 2019 Quahog. Peter noticed he was back home. "Wasn't I in the hospital?" fathomed Peter.
Meg is sitting on the couch and asked, "Did you find out who's going to eliminate Quahog? Bet it's you, isn't it, Dad!" Brian walks into the living room. "Peter what did you find out! And Meg, stop trying to confirm it to yourself that Peter is this savage inhumane father!" "That's because he is! Maybe he's the one who built those robots!" Meg tells Brian. "You ought to watch that new HBO Series My Brilliant Friend and follow the story of the character Lila and you will see what an abusive father really is!" Brian said to Meg who walks off sadly and sobbing. "Thanks for standing up to that bitch for me, Brian!" Peter said. "Anytime!" Brian said as him and Peter sit on the couch. "Tell me everything." said Brian.
Peter says, "Well, it all begins as Stewie is going to destroy an event." Brian said, "Stewie huh! Not too astounding. Please continue." "Me, Lois, Chris, You, Herbert, Quagmire, and Joe are kept alive. Meg dies a radical death. When Stewie is going take down this event, you try to stop him by showing a movie but then....He's going to make himself grow into an adult and then take over Quahog with robots." "We're onto something here. All we need to do is find out about this event." said Brian then had a idea. Perhaps you can use that ring to back to whatever the event is going to be." "If the fate of this town is upon me. I shall be the one to save it!" vowed Peter.
"That's the spirit Peter! This experience has really made you brave!" Brian complemented. The ring is put on Peter's finger once more and he is in his room. Peter looks at the calendar. "Hmmm, June 2019." The TV announces, "Do You Want To Be A Pop Star? Want to Have Your Face Plastered All Over Social Media? Looking For Seemingly Eternal Fame? America's Got Talent is auditioning here in Quahog. Must Be 18 or older to sign up! Apply Within!" "That must be the event! I have to deter Stewie from blowing it to oblivion!" said Peter.
Stewie walks into the living room with Rupert. "America's Got Talent audition in Quahog! There is no way I am going to have Singing Reality TV Shows come to close to home! I must obliterate it! First I must grow myself into an adult! By inventing a hormone....." Peter sneaks down the living room. "This must be when it happens."
Peter hears Stewie in his room. The sounds seem as if Stewie was building something. Brian walks to Peter. "What are you doing today, Peter? Aren't you going to hang out at the Clam?" "Hear anything in Stewie's room?" he asked the dog. Brian hears it too, "You're right." Brian rushes into Stewie's bedroom. "Whatcha building there Stewie! A sex doll of Howie Mandell!" laughs Brian. "While you're at it, make one for me of Heidi Klum!"
Stewie spilled with hatred, "Very hilarious Brian! This is a killer robot! I shall use it to murder everyone on and annihilate America's Got Talent!" "Now Stewie! Why would you want to do that? I was never batshit crazy about reality singing shows myself. That doesn't make me want to go on a killing spree. You're talking about the killing of innocent people!" Brian asked with concern. "I will NOT have reality TV come to our hometown Brian! Then whoever wins is going to be all over TV, magazines, and the internet. You know how that goes. So I will spare everyone the agony of hearing about some Pop Star that nobody will shut up about!" Stewie said.
Brian and Stewie begin to contend and assert with each other until they imbricate their words. Brian then barks in Stewie's face and screams at him to shut up. "Yell at me and threaten all you can! You can't stop me! Not even the FBI, CIA, Greenpeace, or The National Guard can intervene!" Stewie tells Brian who then asserts some authority over Stewie, "You need to see Salo!" Peter peeps through Stewie's bedroom door. "That must be the killer robot and that movie! Jesus Christ! Salo? What a dumb name for a movie! " "What the (beep) is Salo?!" Stewie asked as he yelled.
"Salo Or The 120 Days of Sodom. It's an Italian Independent Horror Movie. Came out in 1975." Brian informed the baby. "What does that have to do with anything I'm doing here?" asked Stewie. "I plan to show you this movie so I can put some trepidation in you. By showing you what can happen if you're evil and take it to an extreme! Furthermore, how much trauma and damage you can really inflict on people!" Brian tells Stewie as he points his finger at him. Stewie slaps away Brian's finger, "Get your finger away from me! Trying to finger bang me!" Brian runs out of Stewie's room, "Where are you going?" calls Stewie. "To get a DVD of Salo or The 120 Days of Sodom and show it to you! Think Herbert might have a copy of it someplace." Brian calls back. Stewie runs after Brian. "Brian. NO! I'll stop! I won't go through with it! I'll change! Don't need to see any unknown independent movie! Can we watch Priscilla Queen of The Desert instead?"
Peter decides to make his move. However isn't sure what to do. Peter is very sad about his indecisiveness since the fate of Quahog rests on his shoulders. "I don't know what to do. Should I go to Herbert's and try to get that movie? Or break apart Stewie's Killer Robot Machine?"
*
Not wanting to lose Brian's respect but still had the urge to blow up the American's Got Talent Audition, Stewie was on his way to run after Brian to try to stop him from trying to scare Stewie straight by showing him that Indie Horror flick. "Brian, wait! Come back! Remember that nightmare I had when I lost your respect......." Peter then had a lightbulb moment.
"That's it! I will yield Brian from showing Stewie that movie. Hi-ho! hi-ho! To Herbert's house I go!" Moments have passed, and Brian was at Herbert's doorstep and Stewie was peeking around the corner of a streetlight. Brian knocked and Herbert answered, "Hi there Brian! What can I do for you?" asked Herbert. "Uh, yes. You wouldn't happen to have a copy of Salo Or The 120 Days of Sodom on DVD do you?" asked Brian. "You bet I do! What do you want with it?" asked Herbert. Brian answers, "Uhhh, to show to a history class I'm teaching in college." Peter arrives at Herbert's backyard and breaks into Herbert's basement where he kept a DVD collection. Peter was freaked out about the DVDs that Herbert owned. The DVDs were a selection of kids movies spanning from the 1980s to 2000s.
"Good Burger, The Sandlot, Home Alone, Gremlins, ET, Mighty Ducks, Free Willy! The whole set of Ricky, Dicky, Nicky, and Dawn? Spy Kids? Harry Potter! Dammit where is this Salo one!" Peter frantically searched. Peter then said, "Oh my god! Herbert's DVD Collection is giving me Heebies Jeebies! I haven't been this creeped out since I heard the theme to Crazy Bus!"
Cutaway Scene:
Peter is locked in a room with a computer that is playing the Crazy Bus theme. Banging on the doors, Peter yells, "LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! I CAN STAND THIS SHIT ANYMORE!"
Rummaging through the DVD Collection, Peter finally finds Salo. "Yes! Got it!" Peter takes the movie out of the DVD Case and smashes it. Peter then takes a DVD of a cartoon called Wunchpunsch. "I'll put one of my DVDs in here!" Peter hurried to get out out Herbert's basement. Herbert gets the DVD and gives it to Brian. "Here it is! Have fun with it! I know I do!" Herbert said. "Thank you so much! OH, Stewie!" Brian called out. Stewie comes out of hiding. "Hey, Brian! You know I changed my mind about the whole thing!" "You know I don't believe you, right? Figured you were going to hide away and try to stop me. How about we go home and sit down on the couch?" asked Brian. "NO please! Don't make me!" begged Stewie. Brian dragging Stewie by the arm, "Oh yes you will! Because I got a copy of Salo! Time to make you piss your pants and be scared of evil!" Brian said.
Peter decides to run back home, get a sledgehammer and goes into Stewie's bedroom. "Now to be sure this awful future never happens!" Peter takes the sledgehammer and smashes and destroys Stewie's killer robot. Peter stood tall and proud about what he had done. "Lois always says I'm good at breaking stuff! hee hee hee hee hee hee!" Brian screamed out, "WHAT THE (BEEP) IS GOING ON! THIS ISN'T SALO! WHAT THE HELL IS WUNCHPUNSCH!" Stewie laughs at him, "HA HA! Looks like you won't be punishing me today! Welp, off to start off my Killer Robot! America's Got Talent will be nothing but history!" Stewie runs to his room and Brian follows.
Peter jumps out the window. Stewie sees the destruction that was brought upon his killer robot. "WHAT THE DUECE! WHO DID IT!" Brian then laughs. "America's Got Talent is free to go on!" Peter hears them both shouting and arguing. "I saved Quahog have a bleak and mundane future! I'm a better hero than Letter Man from The Electric Company!"
Cutaway Scene:
Letter Man is shown flying through the air as the theme song plays. "The Adventures of Letter Man!" "Today's Episode Blowing up The Moon". The evil Spell Binder is building a bomb to blow up the moon. A needle scratch is heard and The Cutaway was cut short.
"Sorry I don't have time to show the rest of the cutaway, people. Come up with your own conclusion." Peter tells the audience as he takes off the ring and goes back to early 2019 Quahog. Then Peter puts on the ring again, and is back in 2020, but only this time, everything in Quahog was back to it's peaceful glory. However there was a political parade going on in Donald Trump's honor. "Better than a robot apocalypse I guess!" Peter sighs a breath of relief. Peter takes off the ring and is back in present day. Brian and Lois walk into the room.
Lois runs and hugs him. "Peter! I'm so happy you were able to save our town from giant killer robots!" "I am happy for myself too, Lois!" Peter said. "So Peter what are you going to do with that ring?" asked Brian. "Would you like to break it for me? It's been nothing but trouble." Peter suggested. "Absolutely!" Brian said without hesitation to break the ring. Then a gust of smoke comes out of the rubble from the ring. "You know Peter. That Grape Jelly you bought is still in the shed." said Lois. "What are you going to do about that?" Brian asks.
"HEEEEK! I FORGOT!" Peter panics. The last scene set in June 2019, shows the Griffin House in the form of a water park. Peter was in the front door selling tickets.
"WELCOME TO PETER'S GRIFFIN'S GRAPE JELLY WATER PARK! GRAPE JELLY WATER PARK! YOU HEARD RIGHT! GET YOUR TICKETS! $50 Dollars Per person! Contractional Obligations apply!" Lois, Meg, Chris, Stewie, and Brian all watch out the window.
"Peter bought out and tore down Chico's Monkey Farm to build this?" asked Brian in disgust. "I really should stop asking my parents to lend him money"! said Lois.
The End
The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production
End Notes: Please watch the new HBO series My Brilliant Friend. It's very riveting and mind blowing. Hope Family Guy can reference it someday. The HBO Show was referenced in a positive way in this fanfiction. As for the Salo or The 120 Days of Sodom reference in this fanfiction. Heard about it on those Watchmojo videos. Was horrified at some of the scenes it shown. It was to make fun of that movie and how stupid it was. Wish Family Guy would make a mockery of that awful terrible movie.
Sign up to rate and review this story