Categories > Original > Humor

Cops: Nearberg

by PickleGarden 0 reviews

A CatDog fanfic that plays out like an episode of COPS. (Short One Shot)

Category: Humor - Rating: G - Genres: Parody - Warnings: [!!!] - Published: 2020-01-25 - 1439 words - Complete

The COPS theme plays. Bad Boys! Whatcha Want? Whatcha Gonna Do! When Sheriff John Brown Comes For You! Tell me! Whatcha Gonna Do? Bad Boys! Bad Boys! Whatcha Gonna Do! Whatcha Gonna Do When They Comes For You!"


A police car is parked in front of a bar. Police officers Rancid Rabbit and Off. Winslow were on their break. They were drinking until their heart's content. "Ahhhh, this is the life, won't you say, Winslow?"! Rancid Rabbit tells his partner.

"Oh yes! Since we're cops we can throw our weight around anywhere we go!" Winslow agrees. "Let's not forget these free drinks we can get!" Rancid Rabbit said. "You said it!" Winslow says as they toast their beer glasses. Murvis who was a bartender says, "How's my favorite patrons doing today! Have as much as you want! Your drinks are on the house!"

However, Off. Rancid Rabbit and Winslow weren't the most reliable cops on the force. They never take their jobs too seriously. Especially if they think the crimes that are reported are minor ones. In fact, Rancid Rabbit and Winslow think being a cop is all fun and games. They have even planted 'evidence' just so they can have an excuse to arrest someone. Because they are cops, they think they can go around and scare the residents of Nearberg all they want.

As out of control we they were. Everywhere they went, the community loved them. Everyone in Nearberg thought they were good. After their drinking, they head over to the a diner to get some coffee and pie.

"It's not too far away from here. We can walk!" Winslow suggested. "Yeah, you're right there. How about we skip!" laughed Rancid Rabbit. Happily laughing and drunk, Winslow and Rancid Rabbit skipped out of the bar and went right into the diner. The waitress Lola Cherrycola was ecstatic to meet them! The costumers all shouted to them:

"WINSLOW!" "RANCID RABBIT!" "Isn't it the best to go where everybody knows your name!" Rancid Rabbit says.

"Hey everybody! Look who's here! The most popular cops on the force!" she announces. "Yeah, that's us man! That's us!" Winslow drunkenly cheers. "Cops in da house! Cops in da house!" Rancid Rabbit shouts. All the costumers at the diner applaud them. So naive that nobody knew what kind of policemen they really were. A child who was a squirrel comes up to them and asks, "You guys are the best cops ever! When I grow up I wanna be just like you!" Whacking the child away, all the costumers clapped for Winslow and Rancid Rabbit. "You tell that brat!" "Yeah, you got him good!"

"Thank you thank you!" Rancid Rabbit bows.

Dunglap the manager of the diner asks, "What'll it be today boys?" "We want some coffee and some pie! You know our usual!" Rancid Rabbit said. "Coffee and pie! Coming right up!" Lola Cherrycola promises them.

Winslow slurs, "That coffee will keep us from being drunk and having a hangover!" Rancid Rabbit tells him, "Good call there!" Dunglap comes to them some a huge pie. "Woah! That's is one big pie there!" Rancid Rabbit said. "How're going to eat it all?" asks Winslow.

"As an award for all your hard work and excellence!" begins Dunglap. Lola joins in, "And for keeping our streets safe......." Dunglap playfully throws the pie at Winslow and Rancid Rabbit. "Dinner's on me!" cracks up Dunglap.

Rancid Rabbit and Winslow got pie all over their clothes. "I hearby declare this a..............FOOD FIGHT!" Rancid Rabbit shouts. Soon everyone finds themselves slinging pieces of pie at each other. Dunglap and Lola also wanted in on the fun. Winslow and Rancid Rabbit use the coffee as a squirt gun.

The food fight lasted three hours. Rancid Rabbit and Winslow see their goodbyes. "Goodbye everyone!" shouted Rancid Rabbit. "Thanks for the good time!" Winslow says. "BYE! BYE! Come back and stay longer!" Dunglap and Lola say to them.

Walking out of the diner, Rancid Rabbit and Winslow collapse and both fall asleep on a street sign.


The night passes away. Rancid Rabbit and Winslow both wake up with huge hangovers. "What did we do last night?" asked Winslow. "Have no idea or recollection." Rancid Rabbit answers.

Seeing their car in their sights. "Oh that's right. We're policemen aren't we?" said Winslow. Rancid Rabbit laughs, "We were so wasted last night......ha ha ha! We forgot about what we do for a living! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"

An alert on their police radio was heard. "A break in has occurred! A break in has occurred! Three gangsters broke into a house shaped like a fish and a bone."

"We better get our act together and stop that racket!" Winslow says. Rancid Rabbit and Winslow drink some tomato juice and their hangovers were cured. "Let's rock!" Rancid Rabbit says. Both of them get into their police car by jumping through the windows and drive off.

At the house shaped like a fish and a bone. There was CatDog locked outside "I called the police about an hour ago!" gruffed Cat. "What is taking them I wonder?" asked Dog.

Cliff, Shriek and Lube known as the Greaser Dogs have broken into their house and left it in the state of untidiness. "We took over your house, Catbutt!" shouted Cliff. "House belongs to us now!" yells Shriek! "Uh, yes. Our house, not yours!" Lube said. Inside, The Greaser Dogs were breaking everything CatDog owned.

CatDog sees a cop car coming. "It's the police! Finally they're here!" said Cat. "Those Greaser Dogs are gonna get it, now!" hopes Dog.

Rancid Rabbit and Winslow get out of the police car. "What seems to be the trouble, boys?" asked Rancid Rabbit. "Those Greaser Dogs took over our house!" said Cat. "We want it stopped!" said Dog.

"We'll see what we can do!" said Winslow. Dog says, "They even spraypainted the outside of our house!" The spraypaint reads,


Rancid Rabbit and Winslow take out a battering ram and beat it at the door. "Forget it, Catbutt, stay outside where you belong!" shouted Cliff. "We ain't letting you back in!" said Shriek. "Our house now. Uh....not theirs or whatever!" said Lube.

Breaking down the door, Rancid Rabbit and Winslow made their way in. The Greasers got so scared of their presence. "HOLY CRAP! IT'S THE COPS!" the Cliff. "Make a break for it!" yelled Lube. Running away out the back door of CatDog's house, Cliff, Shriek and Lube ran far away whilst dropping a lot of money. "Here take this money!" Cliff yelled from far away. "Forget we were ever here!" Shriek shouted. Rancid Rabbit and Winslow quickly cleaned up the house and picked up the money the Greasers left. The spraypaint still remains. After they were done, they talk to CatDog.

"Thanks so much officers for driving away those Greasers!" said Cat. "How can we show our thanks to you?" asked Dog. "You got your house back, that's number one." said Rancid Rabbit. "What's number two?" asked Cat.

"Don't ever report a non-existing crime again!" Winslow yelled at their faces. "But, but, it was real! Didn't you see?" asked Cat.

"You made the whole thing up for attention! I know you types. You were probably drinking and partying. Conjuring up stories....." said Rancid Rabbit. "Why won't you believe us? You have to!" said Dog. "Those Greasers will come back for us! Why didn't you do you job and lock them up?" screamed Cat. "What kinda cops are you?" asked Dog all distraught.

"We didn't see any sign of no gangs! We gotta go now! But hey, at least you got your house back!" Rancid Rabbit tells them. "I'd hire a house painter if I were you. No more reporting crimes that didn't happen! Hasta Luigi losers!" Winslow says as he and Rancid Rabbit enter their police car and drive off.

"Come on, Dog. Let's go get a house painter." said Cat disgusted at the sight of the spray paint on their house. "Last time we ever call the cops for help." agrees Dog. Later on, Rancid Rabbit and Winslow stopped the Greaser Dogs. "Thanks for the bribe fellas!" "Don't mention it!" said Cliff.

The COPS logo shows then the ending credits play. With reports from a police radio.

"Robbery in Progress."

"The suspect is a male...."

"All Points Bulletin..."

"We are in pursuit......."

"Criminal in custody......"

The chorus part of Bad Boys is heard until the credits stop.

Sign up to rate and review this story