Categories > Original > Drama > A Girl Made Of Fire
A/N so hi guys :) if you're reading this, first of all thank you and i cant wait to go on this ride with you. anywayyyyy... without further ado let's go on with the story
journal entry 159,
there were walls built around me, each brick concealing a part of my shame.
each crease covering up a scar, a bruise, a secret, a name.
my eyes were always tired and my cheeks were always wet.
but after being pushed around, i learned to watch my step
you had always asked: are you ready to be loved?
and i could only think, not yet.
but then i realized i couldn't keep making you pay for someone else's debt.
what did they do to make you want to hate yourself so much?
why do you always flinch at my touch?
the questions he asked, which he had good reason, i had no answer to.
i had told others to love themselves, but i always failed to follow my own advice.
deep down i had always felt like a peaceful lake that one day was frozen solid and turned to ice.
how am i supposed to hold your hand if its always in a fist?
and there, another question i couldn't answer
but i found myself letting my guard down
and i surrendered to his kiss
i want to trust, i want to love
but i cant be that girl
the one who makes the guy pay rent to live her heart,
he shouldn't be a tenat always in fear of being put out
10-4-13
she had then closed her journal and laid flat on her back staring at the popcorn ceiling above her head that was covered in cobwebs. she focused on one of her glow in the dark stars that was placed directly above her head. as she stared she then began to feel tears building up in her eyes. images of the past, the innocent girl she used to be flashed through her head as the first tear that would be the proluge to a million more to come had dropped from her eye.
*Flashback.
Laying sound asleep in her bed dreaming of being outside , her mother at a table nicely set for picnic, all the while her father was laying in lush and soft bright green grass. The sun had been bright in the sky. To the ember's eye, it contrasted well with the same white puffy clouds. She then turned her head slightly and looked at her father.
“Dad, what do you think of the sun?”
“The sun, that’s an odd question, I mean, it’s the sun, it’s round, yellow, large… what do you think of the sun?”
“I think the sun is beautiful. It conveys nicely with the colors on earth, it lights up everything in a way that can only be done by the sun, it can lift people as well.”
“Very poetic, I wonder where you get that from.” He then laughed brightly. And she couldn’t help but think
‘The sun reminds me of you’.
And then she jostled awake. But was not welcomed with the bright she had seen in her dream. She was welcomed to the white walls of her room that were light grey from not being taken care of properly and the tiles on the ceiling that for months on end had been threatening to fall. Then the sound of glass breaking.
‘They’re fighting again… Like always.’
She thought to herself. After hearing them scream and fight since she had remembered it didn’t faze her like it used to. She then climbed out of the bed and went to the mirror in her bathroom. Looking at her reflection she couldn’t help but wonder what the future held for her.
“Ember!” she jumped at the sound of her name. And then decided to leave out of the bathroom and go towards the door of her room.
‘I wonder what I’m being called for?’
She then glanced at the clock. It had been 7:25. She forgot she had to catch the bus at 7:30. She then grabbed her bookbag and came out of her room and was met with the sight of her mother on the ground and her father standing over her like a lion who had freshly killed a gazelle. He then looked up at his daughter. The alike twin of the woman he had put his hands on. He couldn’t believe he allowed himself to get to that point.
“Get out!” That's what he could say. The disappointment was clear on his face. Instead of sending and questioning it she left out the house. But she was a young 9 year old girl who had not expected it to be the last time she ever saw him.
End of flashback.
Her eyes were still fixated on the ceiling. she laid there still and didn't move a muscle in her body. the images had played through her head as if she had just watched a documentary that was based on her life. she was slowly slipping away, losing herself, disappering within herself. she lost a friend who she would never regain. and she was in love with a boy who could never want her. and the guy that loved her... but he was simply too good. but we're getting ahead of
ourselves. we begin our story mind summer. just before my sixteenth birthday, and it goes a little like this...
journal entry 159,
there were walls built around me, each brick concealing a part of my shame.
each crease covering up a scar, a bruise, a secret, a name.
my eyes were always tired and my cheeks were always wet.
but after being pushed around, i learned to watch my step
you had always asked: are you ready to be loved?
and i could only think, not yet.
but then i realized i couldn't keep making you pay for someone else's debt.
what did they do to make you want to hate yourself so much?
why do you always flinch at my touch?
the questions he asked, which he had good reason, i had no answer to.
i had told others to love themselves, but i always failed to follow my own advice.
deep down i had always felt like a peaceful lake that one day was frozen solid and turned to ice.
how am i supposed to hold your hand if its always in a fist?
and there, another question i couldn't answer
but i found myself letting my guard down
and i surrendered to his kiss
i want to trust, i want to love
but i cant be that girl
the one who makes the guy pay rent to live her heart,
he shouldn't be a tenat always in fear of being put out
10-4-13
she had then closed her journal and laid flat on her back staring at the popcorn ceiling above her head that was covered in cobwebs. she focused on one of her glow in the dark stars that was placed directly above her head. as she stared she then began to feel tears building up in her eyes. images of the past, the innocent girl she used to be flashed through her head as the first tear that would be the proluge to a million more to come had dropped from her eye.
*Flashback.
Laying sound asleep in her bed dreaming of being outside , her mother at a table nicely set for picnic, all the while her father was laying in lush and soft bright green grass. The sun had been bright in the sky. To the ember's eye, it contrasted well with the same white puffy clouds. She then turned her head slightly and looked at her father.
“Dad, what do you think of the sun?”
“The sun, that’s an odd question, I mean, it’s the sun, it’s round, yellow, large… what do you think of the sun?”
“I think the sun is beautiful. It conveys nicely with the colors on earth, it lights up everything in a way that can only be done by the sun, it can lift people as well.”
“Very poetic, I wonder where you get that from.” He then laughed brightly. And she couldn’t help but think
‘The sun reminds me of you’.
And then she jostled awake. But was not welcomed with the bright she had seen in her dream. She was welcomed to the white walls of her room that were light grey from not being taken care of properly and the tiles on the ceiling that for months on end had been threatening to fall. Then the sound of glass breaking.
‘They’re fighting again… Like always.’
She thought to herself. After hearing them scream and fight since she had remembered it didn’t faze her like it used to. She then climbed out of the bed and went to the mirror in her bathroom. Looking at her reflection she couldn’t help but wonder what the future held for her.
“Ember!” she jumped at the sound of her name. And then decided to leave out of the bathroom and go towards the door of her room.
‘I wonder what I’m being called for?’
She then glanced at the clock. It had been 7:25. She forgot she had to catch the bus at 7:30. She then grabbed her bookbag and came out of her room and was met with the sight of her mother on the ground and her father standing over her like a lion who had freshly killed a gazelle. He then looked up at his daughter. The alike twin of the woman he had put his hands on. He couldn’t believe he allowed himself to get to that point.
“Get out!” That's what he could say. The disappointment was clear on his face. Instead of sending and questioning it she left out the house. But she was a young 9 year old girl who had not expected it to be the last time she ever saw him.
End of flashback.
Her eyes were still fixated on the ceiling. she laid there still and didn't move a muscle in her body. the images had played through her head as if she had just watched a documentary that was based on her life. she was slowly slipping away, losing herself, disappering within herself. she lost a friend who she would never regain. and she was in love with a boy who could never want her. and the guy that loved her... but he was simply too good. but we're getting ahead of
ourselves. we begin our story mind summer. just before my sixteenth birthday, and it goes a little like this...
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