Categories > Original > Humor > GUIDE TO LOVE


by MikeyIsntReal 1 review

just something fun to write

Category: Humor - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Published: 2020-04-27 - Updated: 2020-05-07 - 868 words


Here you are, floating aimlessly through the blissful void of lovelessness. Then you encounter someone. Someone beautiful, interesting, and compelling aloof. Suddenly: feelings. These feelings transform you. You are intense, desperate breathing down their lovely neck, craving to be with them all the time. Of course, this makes you hideously repulsive to your beloved. Try as you might, you cannot remove these feelings. You have become a love - monster. You search desperately for help, and find a handy guide. You project your tender feelings onto this guide and love it forever.

We usually represent love in the shape of two symmetrical figures meeting up at their endpoints. At first, this heart may seem like a good symbol for love. It is smooth and comforting with sharp, painful bits and places you can get stuck, for better or worse.but love is rarely this simple.perhaps a better symbol would be an actual heart big and ugly and throbbing, yet complicated and delicate also messy and you need it to live.

When you are not in love, all the world may seem equally bright and pleasant and yet a nagging thought tells you that love is missing. Choose a target for your love. Stare at them until the world becomes dull and gray. Like staring at a light, their image will stay with you when you close your eyes. All of the things that once brought pleasure into your life becomes meaningless, other peoples company becomes insufferable and only your beloved can bring light into your life. CONGRATULATIONS. You are in love.

Some of us fall in love at the drop of a hat, but some of us find it more difficult. This is because other people are disgusting, unloveable creatures. The trick to loving someone is to convince yourself that their flaws are actually desirable characteristics. Bad breath? Instead, think: “their mere words make me swoon” complete lack of social skills? Think: “mysterious and intriguing” , awful fashion sense = quirky, horrible laugh = fun, lazy = relaxed, noisey chewing = enthusiastic, cheap = frugal, loud = confident, liars = creative with the truth. NOTE: almost any flaw can be attributed to their “individuality”. Through hard work, you can create the illusion that the individual is loveable and engage in that glorious self- deception we call love.

Guides to love use the word “love” excessively. If you read the word “love”over and over and over it begins to lose all meaning… just empty noise, meaningless shapes. Maybe it would be better to stop analyzing things too much and just to feel it.

Flirting can be daunting, so sometimes it is helpful to have a plan… one: choose someone to flirt with. Two: “accidentally” bump into them. ( this establishes body contact.). Three: flatter them by saying “oh sorry, I am so clumsy around sexy people”. Four: now you can introduce yourself. Just say “ I am ___” and give them your name! If it doesn't go to plan, don't worry. Just try it on everyone until it becomes natural :)

When flirting, eye-contact is important. It makes your beloved feel more connected because eyes are the windows to the soul. A soul comes to life when it meets another soul. The soul of a soul-mate and eye-contact can bring souls together. WARNING: this is a metaphor. Do not do this literally.

Love is like a butterfly... beautiful from far away but close up it can be alien and ugly however, these ugly features are part of love, beautiful in their own needs to be nurtured. Allowed to flutter freely to you. If you grab it too greedily you squash it.

Love is like a fish… to catch it, you need to wait. If you are desperate and impatient, you may win some love. But it will be limp and unsatisfying… a hollow victory. instead , take a deep breath and enjoy the wait… and then when love comes your way, you’ll be ready.

Sometimes it seems that love must always be profound, powerful, larger than life,but sometimes love is small, pocket sized and you can carry it around with you all day while it gently reminds you it is there.

Love is good. But if you have no love: do not fret! This love-shaped hole can be filled with… a pet. Pets come in all shapes and sizes and can stimulate many different types of romantic human relationships. DOG: devoted, reliable, but a bit gross. FISH: nice to look at but basically part of the furniture. PARROT: a living metaphor for wasted potential. CRAB: hard exterior, but with a soft gooey inside. If your pet does not quite fill the hole left by lack of love then keep getting more pets until you feel better.

Sometimes you can spend so long beaming your love at your beloved with no response that it is easy to think of love as a one-way street. This is one way love becomes your comfort zone until being loved in return becomes incredibly scary. But this two way love is what you aimed for all along though your comfort zone may be destroyed.

A/N: this is just something i'm starting as a tip/ advice giving book
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