FicWad

Chapter 12



Just...do...this...





Her gaze traveled down the Slytherin table to Draco, then to Hermione, still held fast in Ron's arms, and Neville, having seen what Hermione was yelling about and knowing Draco was to blame, being similarly restrained by Ginny and Harry.



"Sit/ down/ you lot." They all settled back in their places. "Now .. Mr. Malfoy, let me just say .." She stopped with a quizzical look on her face, wiggled, looked down and then reached into her cleavage and extracted a handful of pumpkin seeds. "Missed a few, Filius," she whispered out of the side of her mouth, dropping the mess on the table.



"Oh! I'm so sorry, Anna." Professor Flitwick blushed and then giggled.



"As I was saying .. Mr. Malfoy that was, without a doubt/, the most /brilliantly conceived, meticulously planned and flawlessly executed payback practical joke I've ever been privileged to witness, to say nothing of being the target. /BRAVO/!" She applauded him. "We are now officially /even/, agreed?"



Draco was speechless. She'd done it /again/; turned the situation to her advantage and made him look like a foolish child. Snape raised an eyebrow at him and gave small nod. Draco stood.



"No hard feelings?"



"None whatsoever, Mr. Malfoy; I enjoy a good practical joke and that was, as I said, one of the /best/. And your aim was spot on, too."



The students started whispering to one another..."She's forgiving him?" "Is she crazy?"



"However .." Silence instantly descended over the hall as Anna continued, turning again to Dumbledore and tilting her head. "I don't think Mr. Malfoy and I should be the only ones having fun, do you, Headmaster?"



Looking back at her over his half-moon glasses, after a moment's hesitation, he smiled and inquired, "You are proposing some good clean fun, I take it?"



"With your permission, of course."



"I think it would help defuse the situation in a glorious new fashion." Turning, he clapped his hands and the tables cleared. "Whenever you are ready, Professor." He bowed to Professor Twigg-Jones.



"What are you suggesting?" Professor Snape had been looking back and forth between the two of them but settled his gaze on Anna. She turned and smiled sweetly at him.



"Oh, just a little exercise in crowd control. We've got to let off some steam in here or these kids are going to come to blows. I won't be the cause of any donnybrook."



"Anastasia...I know that look and..."



"You know me too well, Severus."



"I don't think .." He started to stand but Anna put her hand on his shoulder and pushed him firmly back down in his chair, to the amazement of the students and not a few of the staff.



"Sit down/! Listen and learn, Professor Snape, this is /my party now," she hissed, her eyes flashing him a warning. Turning to the students and ignoring his murderous glare, she smiled at all of them.



"I've had a marvelous /idea. Mr. Malfoy and I had /such a good time with his practical joke that I think everyone should have a bit of fun, staff included. There are just two easy rules ..



"First: You can't move from where you are now. No going to another house or staff table. /Stay put/! You may stand up, of course.



"Second: /NO magic allowed/; this is going to require just simple physical skills, so put your wands away .. now. Anyone who breaks one or both of these rules will answer to me. Some of you have witnessed my temper, so take a hint and don't risk it."



Looking around, she saw that nobody had a clue as to what she was talking about.



"Hummm...alright then, a hint." Anna gazed upward, thinking. "Let's see .. Ok, you Muggle born students think about 'Blazing Saddles', /the /cafeteria scene."



That reference put surprised looks, then broad grins on a dozen or so faces, who nodded at her enthusiastically and started whispering to their table mates. She turned to her left.



"Let's have a little demonstration. Professor Snape, would you be so kind as to stand /now/, please?"



He glared at her but did as she requested. She looked out at the students.



"Remember, technique is not really an issue, nor is speed or strength. Just .. do .. this."



Severus watched, perplexed, as she picked up a whipped cream covered custard pie that had appeared on the table at her place, hefted it gently in her right hand and slowly swung around toward him, grinning wickedly. Dawning comprehension spread a look of total disbelief across his face. He shook his head.



"You /.. //wouldn't .. DARE!/"



His eyes widened as she cocked her arm, winked at him and let fly. He instinctively ducked to the side and /WHAM!/ Professor Dumbledore took the hit, right smack dead center on his face. Utterly horrified, Snape watched in shock as Dumbledore smiled, wiped cream from his glasses and then started to chuckle. Whirling to confront Anna, /smack/! Severus got plastered with another pie.



The Great Hall exploded in laughter. Professor Dumbledore waved his hands and the tables were covered with thousands and thousands of identical pies. Students and staff jumped to their feet and the first pie fight in the history of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was off to a glorious, roaring start.



X # X # X



The air was thick with crust, custard and cream, sailing in every direction; the Slytherin table receiving more than their share of hits from the other House tables. Even the teachers joined in, laughing and enjoying the chaos as much as the students. Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey were squealing like school girls, merrily tossing pies at each other and everyone within range.



Severus wiped the mess from his face, looked at Anna grinning at him, picked up a pie, calmly took a step toward her, held it up and announced in a low growl, "This has your name on it, I believe."



Quick as a flash she brought her hand up under his, causing Severus to hit himself in the face instead.



"Wrong! That one was yours," she laughed. "I don't think you quite grasp the concept."



Wiping the pie off his face, again, he reached out toward her. "Oh, really?" He grabbed her arm with his right hand and picked up another pie with his left.



"Oh, go on then, let me have it." Anna lifted her chin and closed her eyes, but opened one eye to peek at him.



He leaned in close and under the cover of the shouts, screams and laughter going on throughout the Hall whispered, "Wouldn't I just, if we were alone. I love you, you insane woman."



"I love you, too, my darling."



He pushed the pie into her face, just as she brought another one down on top of his head. Under the cover of the surrounding chaos and noise, they both grabbed gobs of cream, smearing it onto the other's face. All around them similar hand to hand combat and aerial bombardments were progressing nicely, but all too soon the supply of ammunition was exhausted.



Catching their breath, everyone looked around at the carnage, laughter started again and then applause welled up as the full magnitude of the pie fight was realized. Even Dumbledore, who was covered with a fair amount of pie and cream himself, was laughing heartily as everyone surveyed the results of the battle. After a few moments he waved his hands and the entire glorious mess was gone in swirls of beige and white.



X # X # X



Even louder applause followed, but then the students just as quickly fell silent. They saw Professor Twigg-Jones was making her way to where Draco was sitting and laughing with his gang. Hearing the drop in the noise level, he turned and seeing her approach, rose to face her. She stopped, tilted her head, smiled and put out her hand. He returned her smile, genuinely this time.



"Professor Twigg-Jones, that was the stupidest Muggle activity I've ever seen...but you were right...it was fun."



They shook hands and everyone applauded again. Turning to the Gryffindor table, Professor Twigg-Jones checked with Hermione and Neville.



"Alright, you two?"



"Yes, Professor," they both replied, grinning at her.



"Good." Turning back to the Slytherin table. "Is everyone Ok with this now? We're even?"



"Yes." "Fine." "Ok." "Can we do this again, sometime?"



"/Again/?" Anna laughed. "I just corrupted an entire school and you want to do it again? Tell you what, I'll think about it and maybe come up with something for later in the year .. deal?"



"It's a deal." Draco spoke for them all, still grinning at her.



"Alright everyone, off to bed with you, it's getting late." Professor Dumbledore shooed them all to their dormitories. Snape came up alongside Anna, digging one last drop of cream from his ear.



"That was .. interesting. Where do you get these insane ideas, Professor?"



"Mack Sennett and Mel Brooks, God bless 'em!"



"Who?"



"Muggle comic geniuses."



"Never heard of them."



"Well, they've never heard of you either, Professor Snape, but don't lose any sleep over it. Goodnight."



X # X # X



She turned and joined Ginny and Neville and the rest of the Gryffindors leaving the Great Hall.

Draco and his crowd gathered around Professor Snape, who turned and regarded them for a moment.



"And what did all of you learn this evening?"



"How to throw a pie?" Gregory Goyle volunteered, grinning at the others, who laughed and nodded.



Snape shook his head. "No, that was not the answer I was looking for Mr. Goyle. Try to think for once, all of you."



They looked at each other, scratching their heads and shrugging.



"Let me explain something very important to you. Professor Twigg-Jones may be an extremely exasperating, insane, silly, Muggle-loving, absurd Mudblood, but she's not stupid, by any stretch of your imaginations, limited as they are.



"Tonight she has single handedly diverted what could have been a major riot in this Hall, which, in all probability, would have resulted in injuries and almost certainly, immediate expulsions for not a few students." He looked pointedly at Draco. "You would do well to remember that. She just saved your collective careers at this school. She is certifiably insane, but not stupid."



"You like her then?" Draco eyed Snape with suspicion.



"Not particularly, Mr. Malfoy," replied Snape, noting much how like his father Draco could be at times, "but having known her for twenty-five years I've become used to her, shall we say. I gave up trying to understand Professor Twigg-Jones years ago. I tolerate her but she starts to irritate me after about twenty minutes or so. Mealtimes are about ten minutes too long usually and tonight, about forty-five minutes too long."



Severus paused and then added with a nasty smirk, "I'm proud to say, though, I did get her with one superb hit!" He mimed smashing and rubbing a pie in Anna's face. The Slytherins, including Draco, laughed heartily at that comment and followed Snape out of the Great Hall and down to their dungeon.



X # X # X



The sixth year N.E.W.T.s. class filed into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, dressed in their sweats and t-shirts. They were hot, tired but smiling, having just taken an important exam in the Room of Requirement and all of them passing with flying colors. True to her word, Professor Twigg-Jones had reminded and shown them how slowly they had started and as she had predicted, they were astonished at how far they had progressed and fast they had become.



Flopping down on the benches at their desks, they also were coming to realize how their physical conditioning had progressed. They were tired but not exhausted by their exam. Their stamina and muscle tone had also developed to match their defensive skill levels.



"Well, I can hardly find the words to tell all of you how proud I am of your progress. I just knew you could do it! Therefore, smug looks are permitted at dinner tonight, but don't overdo it. It's back to work and on to the next level when we meet again next week."



"What's next, Professor," Anthony Goldstein asked, "real bludgers?" The class laughed.



"You'll see next week, so relax till then. Class dismissed!" Gathering their books, the students headed for the door, which was opened by Professor Snape, who stood aside to let them exit.



"Professor Twigg-Jones, could I have a word with you?" He started walking toward her, fully aware some of the students were craning their necks to see back into the classroom and hear what was going to be said.



"Certainly, Professor Snape, what can I do for you?' Anna flipped her wand and the door snapped closed, shutting the students out.



"I've come to inform you that the older members of Slytherin House have formed a dueling society."



"It's about bloody time, Severus. Not too quick on the uptake, are they?"



"What?"



"I expected something like this five or six weeks ago, by Hogsmeade weekend, at the latest. What took them so long?"



"Actually, they were talking about it shortly after the start of term, upon hearing that the 'D.A.' was restarting. They began making plans, until they received their Quidditch practice schedule which steered their interest elsewhere for a few weeks. Then Mr. Malfoy's "Pumpkin Payback Plan" took their attention away from the idea for the entire month of October. They can only focus on a single obsession at a time."



"Really .. not very good at multi-tasking, but obviously they think they have their priorities straight. Revenge wins out over extra curricular activities. I should have thought you would have had a little more influence over them, kept them focused."



Severus shrugged. "It's 'The Slytherin Way', you understand."



"I must be a serious source of frustration for our Mr. Malfoy."



"Indeed." Snape leaned against her desk and crossed his arms. "He still doesn't understand how you manage to turn every situation to your advantage, especially with your reputed short fuse and appalling temper."



"You, /of all people/, should be able to explain that, or rather me, to him. Yours is the voice of experience, after all, which should count for /something/."



"I have tried, but he will insist on not heeding my warnings. Regrettable habit of Draco's, not listening to or believing what's told him by authority figures, except his father, of course."



"I see; the Malfoy version of 'The Slytherin Way'. Oh well, he's your problem, not mine."



"Don't be too sure. Like father, like son."



"Oh, now there's /a cheery thought." She shook her head, and then turned to look at him. "I'm assuming you didn't come up here just to tell me about a dueling club .. sorry .. /society/. What do you /really want?"



"You know the answer," he said in a low growl, holding out his arms.



"Yes .. I do." She walked up to him.



"Ditto." Pulling her into his embrace, they enjoyed a long overdue kiss. Then, showing superhuman restraint, Severus stepped back and continued. "Actually, there is something else; I'm to invite you to one of the meetings. The members of Slytherin House want to give a demonstration and solicit your 'expert' opinion, even though they won't pay the slightest attention to any advice you give them. Professor Flitwick has already consented to attend and referee a few duels. Care to join him?"



"That's a very juicy carrot you're dangling in front of me, that is. How can I resist? When and where is this little get-together taking place?"



"Sunday afternoon, three o'clock, in the Great Hall."



"I'll be there. Should I dress strictly as an observer or come prepared for a little participation?"



"Better err on the side of caution and save your wardrobe; something appropriate for dueling."



"Hummm .. are we going to be having a go at each other?" She wiggled her eyebrows.



"Don't I wish!" Snape gathered her in his arms again. "I know this isn't safe, but I have to hold you, for a few moments at least."



Kissing him, she melted into his embrace, molding herself to his body, feeling his heart beating against hers. Then she pulled back and looked up at him.



"This feels sooo good, I could stand here for hours, /but/, I have to change or I'll be late for dinner."



Giving him a quick kiss, she pushed herself free of his arms and headed up the stairs to her chambers.



"I'll only be a minute, I swear. Wait and we'll walk down together. We can be discussing dueling. There's a reference volume in that third bookcase, we can take it with us." Holding up a finger, she added, "Always have a good cover story."



X # X # X



She disappeared into her chambers as Snape wandered over to look through her collection of books. Spotting the one on dueling, he pulled it off of the shelf and started flipping though it.



"Hello Severus!" Doctor Jones walked over to the front of his portrait and waved.



"Christopher!" Snape started to walk toward the back of the classroom. "How are the plans for the whist tournament coming along?"



"Twenty teams, so far. Looks like it will be spread over the next month, I should think. It's caused quite the buzz around the castle. I guess I've thrown a monkey wrench in the works: upsetting tradition, injecting 'Muggle' fun and games, generally shaking things up. Anna must be contagious."



Snape nodded. "Quite possibly. Most Slytherin House members have admitted to enjoying themselves at the 'Great Muggle Pie Fight', as they call it"



"That must have been a sight to behold." Christopher laughed, shaking his head.



"Truly unforgettable. It was the total, reality suspending absurdity of the event which made it so memorable. Even I admit to experiencing a certain amount of pleasure as I pushed a pie into Anastasia's face." Snape shook his head. "She's certifiably insane, you do recognize that fact, don't you, Christopher?"



"Known it for years, old boy. That's what attracted me to her in the first place. Finding out that she was a witch somehow made perfect sense."



Severus nodded, "The bizarre thought patterns, I can deal with .. it's her temper that's the really dangerous bit."



"You'd do well to keep that in mind." Anna was coming down the stairs, having changed into a mauve gown with a black velvet duster. She regarded the two of them as she approached. "My ears were burning, so I hurried .. didn't want to miss anything, /like the chance to defend myself/!"



"We weren't being malicious, just truthful. You do have an appalling temper and your thought processes are worthy of scientific investigation, my dear," Christopher explained as he settled into his favorite chair, smiling at her.



"We've agreed; you are basically insane." Severus moved just in time to avoid being punched in the arm. "Eh, eh, eh, save it for the dueling society meeting."



"Oh, don't worry; I've got plenty of my famous temper left. Ah, you found that old book on dueling. It's a little out of date, but good on the basics."



"So I see. Well, shall we?" Severus indicated the door with a sweep of his hand.



"In a minute. Christopher, hide your eyes."



"I've got a better idea." Christopher stood as Anna walked into Severus' arms. "I'll pop over to the corridor and keep an eye out for anyone coming this way." He headed out the side of his painting.



"Excellent .. and thanks."



"Just doing my bit for you two."



X # X # X



As Christopher slipped out of his frame, Severus looked deep into Anna's eyes and smiling slightly, he pulled her closer. They kissed slowly, deeply, savoring the moment, storing another memory, forgetting all else.



/SNAP! SNAP/! They looked up to see Christopher's hand at the side of the frame. /SNAP/! Went his fingers and then they pointed toward the door.



Sticking his head back into the frame, he hissed, "I think Flitwick's heading this way."



"Splendid." Anna smiled at Severus. "A perfect excuse for you being here .. we three walking down to dinner together, talking about the dueling society."



Anna straightened her gown and grabbed the book Severus had laid down on one of the desks. Snape opened the door, just as Professor Flitwick approached it, reaching for the handle.



"/Filius! /We were just talking about you!"



"Oh, my .. Anna, you startled me!" Professor Flitwick skidded to a halt. "Professor Snape! You've told Professor Twigg-Jones the news, then?"



"Yes, just now. She has graciously agreed to attend the session on Sunday."



"Excellent!"



"Let's head down to dinner, gentlemen. We can chat as we go, or all three of us will be late. I don't want to be accused of corrupting you two!"



"Oh, yes, we'd better hurry." Flitwick turned and started to scurry off down the corridor.



"Yes." Severus glanced at Anna and ushered her out the door.



Giving Christopher a wave and mouthing /thank you/, she smiled at Severus.



"Ditto," she whispered and swept through the door, giving his cheek a pat as she passed.