Categories > Original > Humor

Just About Fitz and Thester

by narwhalpuppy 0 reviews

A Paradise PD fanfiction that strictly involves Fitz and Thester. See how they live their lives, while being the head of The Legion of DOOOOOM.

Category: Humor - Rating: R - Genres: Humor - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2020-07-05 - 11113 words - Complete

0Unrated
If by some miracle Paradise PD gets approved for a third season. Fitz and Thester deserve their own episode!



Paradise PD Presents


A Narwhal Puppy Production


Just About Fitz and Thester


Gerald Fitzgerald. Lead a double life. He was a very complex man. By day, he's the only black man on the Police Force in the town of Paradise. Usually serves as the voice of reason. By night, it's a different story. Due to his PTSD and schizophrenia, he has a split personality. By night, instead of sleeping, he sleep walks. Fitz becomes the nortorious Kingpin that the Paradise PD has been after. Whenever he's not with the Paradise PD, Gerald Fitzgerald has an empire known as The Legion of DOOOOOM. Fitz was the one who distributed Argyle Meth and eventually Houndstooth Meth. Got rich of it too.

Fitz bought a Dippin Dots Building which is a place he and his evil crew use to plot to destroy the town of Paradise. Fitz treats all the members of his originization like respected adults. The one Fitz favored the most was Frank Flipperfist.

However, his second in command lackey, Thester Carbomb is the one out of all the members that Fitz treats like a misbehaving toddler in a rebellous phase. Day in and day out, whenever Thester failed a scheme due to his incompetence, Fitz and Thester always have a back and forth that sounds like this:

"Just say the word, boss! Just say the word!"

"Stop playing the victim!"

"Sorry I screwed up, boss! I'll kill myself. Right here. Right now."

"Don't fight with me!"

"I do care about your evil plot to destroy Paradise, boss!"

"The hell you do! Don't start that shit with me!"

"What do I have to do to prove myself, boss?"

"Nothing! Sometimes your ego is so huge! Someone has to bring your ass down! Fucking egomaniac!"

"But boss! Give me another chance!"

"GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY SIGHT! PIG HEADED SON OF A BITCH!"

And so on, and so forth. This day was no different. Thester Carbomb didn't know it yet, but he was going to face a shit load of trouble. Running into the command room, Frank Flipperfist (who was a dog fighting/drug dealing criminal) has some good news for his kingpin leader, Fitz. Frank Flipperfist has a son named Jerry who's half dolphin.

Amoung them was also Pedro Pooptooth, Marcos Narcos, Russian Mobster, Edna Dorsaldigits, Puffy the Cigarette, and Pat Robertson.

"I got some great news, Fitz! You'll never believe it!" Frank Flipperfist announces.

"What is it?" asked Fitz.

"I just got an invite to the Crime Con in Chicago Illinois!" Frank Flipperfist said.

"Wow! I'm so happy for you! When are you going to leave?" asked Fitz as he cheered. Frank Flipperfist going to Chicago didn't bother Fitz one bit although Fitz had a terrible truamatic experience there when he worked for the Chicago PD. To Fitz, Frank Flipperfist was his golden child. Gets the job done right. Fitz thinks the world of Frank Flipperfist and believes Frank is God's Favorite Son. Fitz often at times regretted moving to Paradise and occasionally gets homesick and longs to go back to Chicago to live there permanently.

Frank Flipperfist tells Fitz, "This summer! In June to be exact!"

"Wow! I am so over the moon for you, Frank!" said Fitz. "You'll love Chicago! I miss it so much sometimes even though bad things happen to me there!"

"Why don't you go back. Like after we destroy Paradise?" asked Frank Flipperfist.

"You know I can't! I stay here because of that stupid ass Thester! He refuses to go there!" explains Fitz.

"I'm thinking of taking a friend with me. I'd like for Thester to come along!" said Frank Flipperfist.

"Of course! Do that! He can take pictures of Chicago and put it on his Facebook." implied Fitz. "I'll talk to him about it later."

In the afternoon, Thester Carbomb was watching Youtube videos of Jojo Siwa. Then when he is done and goes into the command room to see if Fitz wanting Thester to do something for him.

"Anything I can do for you, today boss?" asked Thester.

Thester Carbomb was the butt monkey of Fitz's Legion of DOOOOOM members. Fitz thinks that being harsh on Thester will straighten him up and make him be a better lackey. Anytime when a scheme fails, Fitz always blamed everything on Thester. Fitz has always thought Thester was extremely slow both mentally and emotionally. Fitz sometimes told Thester he was autistic. Would at times scream in his face in a volatile way just to remind Thester that he'll never be as 'normal' as Fitz thinks Frank Flipperfist and himself are.

"Yes, there is something I want to talk to you about, sit down." Fitz tells Thester.

Feeling a surge of fear overcome him, but tried not to show it, Thester sits down.

"Frank Flipperfist got an invite to a Crime Con." Fitz says.

"Really? Sounds like fun. Where is this Crime Con?" asked Thester.

"It's in Chicago! He'd really love for you to come!" said Fitz.

Thester blows his gasket, "WHAT! CHICAGO! ANYPLACE BUT THERE, PLEASE!"

"Now settle down! You can go there to attend the Crime Con, and put pictures on your Facebook!" Fitz tries to assure him.

"NEVER! NEVER! I HATE CHICAGO! IT'S FULL OF GANG VIOLENCE AND RICH SNOBS!" screams Thester.

"How do you know? Such a dumbass you are! You don't know how people live their lives! Jussie Smollet lives there! It's full of cool people like him! You work for an evil criminal complany. And you hate gang violence!" Fitz raised his voice.

Frank Flipperfist overhears Fitz and Thester arguing. Anytime when Frank heard them have a verbal fight, he felt like it was his duty to stop it. Frank always sided with Fitz, never with Thester. Frank was on Fitz's side about Thester being in the wrong. Frank always made Thester out to be the instigator whenever he and Fitz had their fights.

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!" screeches Frank. Jerry is at his side and as cries. "Great! Now Jerry's gone mad!"

"Thester here is having a tantrum about going to Chicago!" said Fitz in anger.

"Why won't you go to Chicago?" Frank walked up to Thester eyeing him and smiling in an irked manner. Smiling when angry was something Fitz and Frank have always done and it triggered Thester full of fear.

"It all started when Fitz and I went to do that drug trade in California. We had a stopover there, and we almost missed our flight." Thester told them.

"Bull fucking shit! The real reason why you don't want to go is because you got jealous of someone who lived there on those X-Men Message Boards you used to visit!" Fitz shouts then says, "All because he used to post pictures of himself having fun a fun childhood with his Grandmother!"

"Yeah! You hit the nail on the head, there Fitz!" Frank agrees with Fitz.

Thester had always hoped that Fitz and Frank would have forgotten about that X-Men Message Board fiasco. They always used it to jab at Thester every now and then. Thester thought the person he was jealous of at the time who's name was 'Martin Axaza', had a better childhood than he did. Martin Axaza used to be open about his life on the message boards. Both his parents were drunks and addicts then his Grandmother got custody of him. His Grandmother thought the world of him.

Whereas Thester Carbomb grew up in a Great Britain Orphanage that was run by Catholic Priests and Monks who used to abuse him. To add insult to injury, from the way he behaved, Thester was labled the 'weird kid' and who savagely bullied by all the other orphan boys. The Priests and Monks always aided and abetted with the bullies. Thester was blamed for the bullying and was even put in constant detention almost everyday. Thester didn't get out of the Orphanage until he was seventeen when he first meet his Grandmother and went to go live with her. That was what justified Thester's jalousy towards Martin Axaza.

Another reason why Thester hated Martin Axaza was because he relentlessly bashed a character from the X-Men, Sabre Tooth who was at the time Thester's favorite character. Martin Axaza used to post hate messages that said, "SABRE TOOTH IS AN ANNOYING ASSHOLE WHO THINKS HE'S SO SMART!" "SABRE TOOTH DESERVES TO DIE A MISERABLE DEATH!" "SABRE TOOTH STEALS THE SPOTLIGHT FROM ALL THE OTHER X-MEN!" What really pushed Thester to his limit was when Martin Axaza used to write X-Men fanfictions on the board where Sabre Tooth gets killed in the most gruesome ways imaginable. Scarred Thester for a while then he got over it. Fits and Frank refused to see it that way.


"That's not true! I forgot about that! Anyway, after Hurricane Douchepubes hit Paradise. Frank wanted to get a job there and drag us along!" Thester says. "That was the only place I can get a job. That job fit all my criminal credentials!" Frank barks in Thester's face.

Thester recalled the drug deal trip, "When we were coming back, we had another stopover in Chicago and you were really mean to me!"

Fitz said, "I didn't want to go to California to do that drug trade! I was mad at you because you fucked up and embarrased me in front of Mafia Don!"

Frank added, "I know! You and Thester had an arguement while you were waiting for your plane back to Paradise. Everyone looked at the both of you and laughed at the way Thester was acting. Since then, he thinks the city is intrinsically bad!"

Fitz tells Thester, "Damn! If that's true and if you still couldn't get over that. You need to see a therapist!"

"Why? So the therapist could side with you two!" Thester retorts. "Just like you always wanted?"

"You're still scared of therapists? You are one sick and crazy motherfucker!" Fitz tells Thester.

"Please! Please! Don't stay mad at me! I'll go if you want me to!" begged Thester.

"Too late for that now! Now you're going to have to take care of me for the rest of the day because you gave me a headache and a backache!" Fitz yells retreating to his bedroom.

"Why does Crime Con have to be in Chicago? Why not Nevada or Hawaii?" Thester asks.

"Oh no! I'm not going to those Western States! I HATE THE WEST! It's too expensive, we'd be poor there in two weeks!" Frank says. "I applied for a criminal job in New Mexico once. It was out in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do but work! The guy who was running the place looked like an undercover cop! Didn't trust him at all."

"Do you have to be upset with me, too?" Thester pleads with Frank. Thester has always wanted Frank stand up for him against Fitz. However, Frank was way too loyal to Fitz to do anything to oppose him.

"Now you're giving me some aches and pains! Get outta my ass. Go take care of Jerry for a while! You ruined Tucker Carlson for me!" Frank gruffed at Thester.

"You always favored Fitz over me!" said Thester. "Gosh you sound like those inmates at that jail I worked at who got in trouble with a guard. Get over it! Get over everything! More important, GET OVER YOURSELF!" Frank spouts.

Thester has always abhored how Frank tries to act like a rigorous general to him.

Trying like hell to make it up to Fitz, Thester gives him some medicine for his aches and pains. "You started this I hope you know." said Fitz. Thester tries to reason with his boss, "I'm not upset about Chicago anymore." said Thester. "You'll never to go there, okay!" Fitz said. "I'm trying to tell you I'm over it!" said Thester. "Bullshit! You never overcome things. You'll never overcome your fear of therapists, you'll never get over your hatred of Chicago. For the rest of your life you're going to remian the same insane demented asshole. That's all you're ever going to be! That's all a part of your autism." Fitz lectures Thester.

Fitz moaned in pain, "See what you did! See what you do when you fight with me! You know I have PTSD and the pains that come with it......"

"You're going to send me away, are you?" asked Thester handing Fitz his medicine. "Wish to fuck I could. So Frank and I can go live in Chicago. The Legion of DOOOOOM would be so much better off without you!"

Thester begins to cry, "Sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean to damage you!" "No suicide threats this time, in fact...." Fitz said. Thester finds himself being thrown out of the command room. "GGGEEEETTTTT OOOOOUUUUUUTTTTTT!"

"THE ONLY REASON WHY WE STAY HERE IN PARADISE IS BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!!!!" Fitz screamed through the door. Frank says, "Yeah, I never wanted to come here! You were the one who dragged us here!" "We can't keep up with the cost of living here. And it's all your fault, Thester!" Fitz yelled some more.

Thester cries. Trying to think of a way to make it up to Fitz and Frank. Laying awake all night, haunted by how Fitz and Frank yelled at him. "What's going to happen to me now?" Thester grew worried. Fitz had always held a grudge against Thester anytime he was mad at him for whatever the reason was. Now all Thester had to look forward to was a draconian punishment.






*




Morning peeped though the clouds. Thester was up all night worrying about how Fitz was going to punish him. Or if Fitz will forget their debacle about the Chicago Crime Con. Thester actually even hears screams that sound like someone being thrown on a rack. Thester ran down to the command room and found nobody was there. Then in the room next to the command room, Fitz and all the members except for Frank Flipperfist were surrounded witnessing seeing someone get a cement bath.

Thester watches and says to himself, "It's like that Dick Tracy movie! Who's getting killed?" Fitz had Mrs Two Toes, the mother of Terry Two Toes being drowned in cement. "That's what you get for betraying us, Mrs. Two Toes! Now you and your son are both dead. Like the Virgin Mary and Jesus!" Fitz said laughing like a maniac. "But she had nothing to do with us." said the Russian Mobster. "So what? I just felt like killing someone today!" Fitz said. "Now I shall count the times she screams!" The Russian Mobster chortled. Mrs Two Toes screams. "One scream! HA! HA! HA!" Mrs Two Toes screams again, "Two screams! HA! HA HA!" Whenever The Russian Mobster laughs, he sounds like the Count from Sesame Street.

Walking out of the room, all the other members of the Legion of DOOOOOM all gather around for a meeting. "Today, I need you all to distrubute some houndstooth meth. After that's done, get some supplies for Operation DD!" Thester raises his hand diligently. "Does this include me, too boss?"

"Of course it does! Now MOVE IT!" Fitz orders his members as they all depart to do what was instructed. "Oh by the way, Thester." Fitz calls out. Thester gulped thinking to himself, "Oh no! This is it! He's going to send me away....." "What is it, boss?" asked Thester. "Take Jerry with you." Fitz tells him. "Of course." Thester agrees taking Jerry with him.

Feeling a weight has been lifted, it seems like to Thester that Fitz had forgotten about their spat about the Crime Con. Since Frank Flipperfist was gone for most of the day organizing dog fights and drug deals. Fitz always put Thester in charge of Jerry.

"Are you okay, Thester?" asked Jerry. "Yeah I'm fine." said Thester. "Not actually I'm not." "What's on your mind?" asked Jerry. "Well, you're just a kid so I'll tell you anyway." Thester tells Jerry everything about the spat he had with Fitz the night before. Hoping today would be better, Thester goes to sell some Houndstooth Meth and get supplies for Operation DD. Thester looks on his iPAD to see what movie he wanted to see later when he gets his business done.

"This looks like a good movie. Benchwarmers! I think I'll watch that later today." Thester said. Anytime when Fitz and Thester had an arguement. Fitz was still upset with Thester the next day. With the way Thester pleads and begs for Fitz to forgive him, Fitz always tries to project on his lackey that Thester is the one who never forgets or lets things go. When the fact of the matter is, Fitz is really the one who never forgets. For now, Thester put it in his mind not to mention the fight they had last night. Fitz would do anything to make Thester look like he was on the side of the wrong.


In all the time they've worked together. Fitz has always threatened Thester with therapists and mental hospitals. Whenever threatened with a therapist, Fitz always told Thester that whoever the therapist was will agree with Fitz and give Thester a do or die type of warning if he didn't change his behavior. Thester always feared the day when Fitz will go nuclear on him and actually would send him to an institution, give him a cement bath, destroy everything Thester owned or whatever Fitz's fancy of the month was.

When Frank Flipperfist came back to the Dippin Dots Building from his day at drug dealing and dog fighting. Fitz asks, "Did the mail come yet?" Thester being triggered by those words, was the first to jump at the chance to get it. "Leave that to me, boss!" Thester said. Jerry was happy to see his father Frank come home. Thester went to get the mail to give it to Fitz. "Thank you, I'll open it later." Fitz tells Thester who runs to his bedroom to watch the movie Benchwarmers. "Finally! Been waiting all day for this movie! Now I can grasp the concept of baseball!" Thester said. Growing up in Great Britain, Thester was only familiar with Cricket. Fitz opened the mail and he recieved plenty of bills. Not knowing Thester was watching Benchwarmers, he calls Thester.

"Thester! Thester! Come here please!" Fitz calls.


No answer. Fitz tries again. "Thester! Dammit! Where the fuck are you!" Fitz called for Thester 10 more times until finally giving up. Frank runs in and asks, "Need anything!" "Yes, read this mail to me. Where the hell is Thester?" Fitz ponders.

"To hell with him, Fitz! I'll help you instead!" Frank said. "Well, thank you. This is something I only need Thester for. But you can do this better." Fitz said.

Since Fitz appointed himself the kingpin. He didn't feel the need to lift a finger to do things himself. Fitz was entitled in that regard. So whenever Fitz was with the Legion of DOOOOOM, he always had his minions do everything for him while he sat around.

Thester was having a blast watching Benchwarmers. While Frank read all the mail to Fitz. When the movie was over, Thester came rushing into the command room and asks Fitz if he needed anything.

"Anything I can do for you, boss?" Thester said. Fitz blew up on him, "DAMN! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!" "I was watching a movie, sir!" Thester answers. "I CALLED YOU TEN TIMES TO HELP ME READ THE MAIL! WHY IS IT YOU CAN NEVER HEAR ME WHEN I CALL YOU!" Fitz yelled. "Sorry boss...it's just..." Thester stammers feeling terrified all over again. "I don't want to hear your shitty ass excuses! For the past week or so I noticed you've been out of sorts! First it was yesterday when you had that tantrum about Chicago...." Fitz goes on.

"I thought you forgot about that! I did! Didn't mention it all day." Thester said struggling to get out words. "You never come when you're called is because you don't care about me!" Fitz said. "That's not true at all boss. I do care about things! Remember when we got kidnapped by Gal Qaeda? I was worried for you!" Thester said.

Fitz wasn't buying it, "Bull! You were really worried about yourself! I KNOW YOU! Were not discussing that right now. It seems to me every single time Frank comes back, you check out. Just because Frank comes back, doesn't mean he's going to take over helping me! Frank gets up early every day and he has a kid!"

Thester fell to the floor on his knees and began to cry. Worried that he let down Fitz.

"Frank needs to take a nap in the afternoon. So that means when you work for me. The Kingpin of Paradise. You need to be on call 24/7! Even when you're sleeping! Do I make myself clear!" Fitz ordered Thester.

"Just say the word boss! Just say the word! I'll go get myself an airplane and drop bombs on myself!" Thester cried. Frank was about to go take his nap until he ran, "You two going at it again!"

"See! Look what you did, Thester! Your whining and crying is depriving Frank of his daily naps!" Fitz shouted. "I KNOW! Everything that goes wrong is my fault!!!!!" Thester whined throwing his arms into the air like a drama queen.

"What is it going to take to get you two to stop fighting!" Frank said. "For Thester to change and be back at my beck and call that's what!" said Fitz. Frank doesn't feel tired anymore. "Great! Now I have to give up my nap so I can be the referee to you two!"

"I'll change! I'll change! Honest I will boss!" Thester cried. "You better. Because I am this close...this close to putting you away!" Fitz said pinching his fingers near Thester's eyes. Frank puts his hand on Fitz's shoulder, "I'll back you up, Fitz!"

"Thank you, you're one of the good ones, Frank. Wish Thester can be more like you!" Fitz said.

Frank decides to take his nap, "Not gonna put up with this bullshit no more!" Frank's naps usually last over 5 hours.

Fitz tells Thester, "Frank is now going to take his nap. That means we have to do everything we can to keep the building QUIET!"

"I understand, boss." Thester said. "Meanwhile, don't keep coming back at me and getting all defensive and combative like you always do." Fitz demanded.

Thester decides to leave Fitz and Frank alone while he thinks of ways to redeem himself in their eyes. Frank was always allowed to take naps. Thester wasn't.




*




The following night, Thester was getting ready to watch his favorite sitcom. Will and Grace. Watching a promo to it, was very excited for the show to air.

Thester's enthusiasm for the next episode of Will Grace was quickly erased when Jerry begins to have a tantrum. Frank runs out to check on him. Fitz yells from the command room, JERRY! SHUT UP! WILL SOMEONE SHUT THAT FUCKING BRAT UP ALREADY!"

Thester was watching more Jojo Siwa videos on Youtube. Frank comes to help out his son, "Jerry! Jerry! What's the matter with you!" "I miss my mommy!" screams and cries Jerry referring to Mother Dolphin who lived in the sewers with all the other Dolphin People. Mother Dolphin was also Jerry's Grandmother. Frank tells Jerry, "Tell you what? How about we go see Granny Mom in the sewers. Right now!" "You mean it?" asked Jerry. "Of course, let's go!" Frank said taking Jerry to the sewers. All outraged and wanting to get mad at someone, "Where the hell was Thester! Ohhh! He makes me so mad! I'm gonna give it to him!" Fitz soars into Thester's room. "Do you acknoweledge that dolphin kid's feelings at all?"

"Oh no! Not this again......" Thester shivers.

"Oh yes this again! You are such a lazy and selfish son of a bitch!" Fitz yells.

"No I'm not......I do acknowledge....." Thester stuttered.

"Don't argue with me! Poor Frank had to take care of him! He shouldn't have to take care of Jerry! Where the fuck were you!" Fitz raised his voice.

"I always take care of him. I'm more of a father to him than Frank is!" Thester said. Couldn't be more right in his life, Thester does EVERYTHING for Jerry. Fitz didn't want to hear it. Frank just occasionally spends time with his son.

This whole thing lead to yet another arguement between Fitz and Thester. Jerry and Frank came back. Frank charged in again and said, "WHAT'S GOING ON NOW!"

"I've decided!" Fitz begins.

Thester looks at Frank, "He thinks I neglected Jerry....."

"That therapist I go to for my PTSD...." Fitz started off.

"The one that owns the music store. Yeah I know him. I see him myself." Frank said.

"Thester and I are both going to talk to him!" Fitz announced. "Oh golly gee whiz! This is it! This is the end of me!" Thester said.

"See how self-absorbed he is! Always worried about himself! That's what I want to talk to my therapist about!" said Fitz.

Frank agrees, "Can I come too!" "Why sure you can! When it comes to helping Thester to become a better man. I need all the help I can get!" Fitz said.

"I was waiting for Will and Grace to come on and then Fitz starts yelling......." Thester says. "That's another thing! These stupid ass sitcoms he's so obsessed with! That's what I will talk to the therapist about." Fitz added on.

Frank said, "Yes. So we can finally see what's wrong with Thester once and for all!" Anytime when Thester got into a television show,and movie genre. Or even a comic book, Fitz always thought Thester was obsessed with whatever it was he was into. Fitz also thinks that comic books and sitcoms were distractions for Thester and that was the root cause of why Thester is such an incompetant henchman.

"They'll diagnose me with something very bad! You're both going to use it against me!" cried Thester. "That's the whole idea! If we don't get you help soon. You're going to drive Frank away. If he leaves, it'll be on you!" Fitz screams. "Yes and I'm the best man! Do you want him to loose his best man!" Frank tells Thester.

"I know boss. I know! My bad behavior, obsessions, and incompetance destroyed the Legion of DOOOOOM!" Thester hung his head. "You did! Get out and watch your show!" Fitz said.

"I don't want to anymore." Thester said that his mood was now ruined. "Come on, you can still watch it!" said Frank. "I said no! Fitz ruined it for me!" said Thester.

"I ruined your show for you? DAMN! Give me a break! What about all the times you've sabotaged missions and plans for me, Thester!" Fitz said. "Please.....please!" Thester begged. "Getting late now. Almost time for bed. So don't bother Frank! With anything!" warns Fitz. "Wouldn't dream of it boss." said Thester. For about thirty minutes, Thester was trying to Frank to assist him. "Just one time I didn't watch Jerry, and Fitz thinks I always neglect him......" Frank points to the door with his fin, "You did forget what Fitz said? The more you bother me, the more I'll want to leave!"

Thester falls to his knees again, "Just say the word, Frank! Just say the word! I'll go to Guam and drown myself in the World's Deepest Sounding!" Frank ignores Thester until goes back to his room and doesn't watch Will and Grace.

Frank and Fitz were even emailing each other about ways the Thester 'bothered' him. Night became day. In the command room, Fitz and Thester just got done with a meeting. Sending out all his other Legion of DOOOOM members to sell argyle and houndstooth meth. Fitz wants to have a conversation with Thester.

"I gave you a million dollars. Do you have any idea what happened to it?" asked Fitz. Thester points his finger in the air. "Yes I do, boss. I know exactly what happened to it!"

"Okay, tell me." Fitz said twirling his fingers in the air. "We're going to need the jet for this. To the KINGPIN Jet! Oh and let's take Frank along!" Thester said.




*



All aboard the Kingpin Jet, Frank was flying it. Fitz and Thester were in the coach section. "Is this what you did with your money? Got us this jet?" asked Fitz. "Even better." said Thester. Frank was told to fly the jet to Galveston Texas. "Preparing to land. Final stop is Galveston Texas for some reason!" Frank said.

Landing in Galveston Texas the Jet was parked near a beach. Looking all around, Fitz says, "My aunt and uncle used to live here." "Why are we here!" asked Frank. "Just follow me!" Thester tells them. Fitz and Frank found themselves being lead to a 3 story house by Thester.

"Hey, this looks like the house where my aunt's and uncle's neighbors lived." said Fitz looking at the house. "Not anymore." said Thester who leads them inside the house. Frank observes the house, "This place looks like the house Tom Hanks tried to build in the movie Money Pit!" Fitz laughs at Frank's remark. "So, tell me blokes! What do you all think?" asked Thester.

"This.....this.....this is what you spent that million dollars on?" asked Fitz. "Why did you do this, there's no stove, or fridge." said Frank. "There will be soon." said Thester. Fitz asks again, "And you bought this?" "Yes I did! It's our very own beach house! Just for us!" Thester said boisteriously. "Beach house! What is the point to all this?" asked Frank.

"For us to move into! You know. For when after we obliterate the town of Paradise!" Thester announces. "NO! NO! NO! You shouldn't have done this!" Fitz said going into a fit. "Why not? I got this as a gift for being such good friends to me!" Thester tells them. "We never talked about moving to Texas!" said Frank. "Or we can use it for a vacation place! We could have our own reality series! The Real Villains of Galveston Texas!" suggested Thester. "If we move in here we'll be away from everything we know!" Frank shouted.

"DAMN! I give you fucking millions dollars and you go and spend it on a motherfucking house. We never asked for this!" Fitz begins to bell ache. Frank hones in on Thester, "Don't you realize if we move here we'll be away from everything we have access to back in Paradise!"

"That's right. I'll be away from my therapist, Legion of DOOOOOM, and the Paradise PD! Randall will being to wonder where I am! Hell, he'll probably send that crazy ass bitch Gina to track me down!" Fitz said.

"You can get a therapist here. Our new secret hideout place where we conduct our evil plans can be here, too!" Thester says trying to convince.

"NO! NO! NO! I can't be far from all that!" said Fitz. Frank was beginning to get a theory as to why he thinks Thester did what he did. "When I came back from Dallas, I told Thester maybe we can all retire here someday. I meant someday! IN THE FUTURE! NOT NOW!" Frank yells.

"I do something nice for you and this is how you repay me!" Thester says. "If we were going to relocate anywhere or retire from the criminal life. I wanted to get a place in Zion Illinois! Not this stupid ass Texas!" Fitz said. "Don't forget. As we know, Thester don't like Illinois!" Frank said.

"Keep the house anyway! If you hate it, sell it! Then you can go where ever you want once we......." Thester rambled. "SSSSHHHUUUTTTT UUUUUUPPPPP!" Fitz shrieked on top of his lungs while grabbing Thester and shaking him. Fitz then pushed Thester into the ground.

"Texas is a Death Penalty State. What if someone here finds out we're murderous drug dealers from Paradise? Off to prison we go! Nice going, buddy!" Frank said clapping his fins in a sarcastic sense.

"Once again, you fucked everything up! Why couldn't you have spent that million on something more important? Like more supplies for Operation DD!" Fitz scolded Thester.

"I'm sorry blokes. I was just trying to do something nice for you. Since you've all been good to me." Thester said breaking out in sweat.

"You didn't get this house for us. You got it for yourself!" Fitz lambasted Thester.

"I never should've took that trip to Dallas. I only went there to organize a cock fight with chickens. While I was there, I spray painted 'Paid in Full' all over the building walls." said Frank.

"That's correct, Frank. Never tell Thester about any trips we take. He automatically thinks we're going to move there in a New York Minute!" Fitz said feeling very disgusted.

"I don't think that way, I'm not like that! In fact. I've been with reality this whole time only you didn't know!" Thester says.

"Stop trying to pull shit with us!" said Fitz. "What shit, boss?" asks Thester. "Convining us you're normal and capable when you're so clearly not!" Fitz answers. "Yes, Fitz's right. Another reason why you bought this house is you still carry emotional scars from being bullied in that Great Britain Orphanage!" Frank said.

"NO! NO! I'm over that!" Thester protested. Fitz speaks out, "Yes, another story is when he moved to America with his Grandmother, she gave him all sort of unrealistic expectations that they were both going to have fun together. In the end, when they got settled into Paradise, his Grandmother flat out ignored him!"

"STOP! STOP! STOP! NONE OF THAT IS TRUE!" Thester pleaded.

"Can we just go back to Paradise, now?" asked Frank. "Sure we can. Come along, Thester!" Fitz roars at his lackey. Once in the jet as it was taking off, Fitz and Frank gang up on Thester some more.

"I always keep saying to him, 'Moving To Another State Is Not Going To Solve Your Problems'!" Frank tells Fitz.

"What Thester doesn't want to understand is, after we do drop Operation DD on Paradise, we'll just move to the other town next door to it. I can't leave that area. I have my job there, my doctors, my therapists!" Fitz said. "I don't want to leave here, either Fitz. I got my job, and my Dolphin Family in the sewers. My son Jerry would never adjust to living anyplace else!" Frank added on.

"I knew that, boss! I knew that! Honest!" Thester cried.

"As soon as we make enough money from our drug dealings, we'll retire in Zion Illinois! I want to go home when all this is over." said Fitz.

Thester moans in depression. Knowing he let down Fitz once again. When all he was doing was giving him something that Thester had hoped Fitz will forgive him of all the times he's disapointed his boss.

"We can all say one thing! Thester did a very egocentric thing!" said Fitz. "You bet his ass he did! He never cared about helping us commit crimes." agrees Frank.

"All he ever cares about is Jojo Siwa videos!" said Fitz. "Baseball movies, too. He watched Mr. Baseball the other day! And Spider-Man and X-Men comics!" joins in Frank. "Yeah, and Will and Grace!" Fitz growled in Thester's face. Franks asks, "What's another thing Thester is obsessed with? That he cares more about than us?" "I know! Fucking his dead taxidermied Grandmother!" Fitz roars in Thester's face once more.

Thester layed there in a catatonic shock as Frank flew them back to Paradise. Although Fitz and Frank treated Thester like yesterday's garbage, Thester wanted them to think he liked Fitz and Frank. Thus, Thester never wanted to give away that vibe to them that Fitz and Frank abuse him. Fact of the matter is, all Thester wanted was to do something Fitz and Frank approved of. So that way they'll never be mean to him.


Ever again.


Will Thester's wish come true?




*



The day after they came back from Galveston Texas. In the Dippin' Dots Building. Fitz was on the phone with a Demolition Crew to tear down the Texas beach house that Thester got for them. "I don't care how you do it! I want it gone! GOODBYE!" Fitz shouts over the phone then he slammed the receiver down. Thester came running into command room. "I did all the laundry boss. What next?" asks Thester. "Make us all some dinner!" Fitz said. "Right-o!" Thester said rushing into the kitchen. As Fitz was having a meeting with all the members of the Legion of DOOOOOM, Thester was making a seafood dish. As usual, Frank was gone again doing his other job cock fighting and selling houndstooth meth.

Unexpectedly coming back early, Frank was in a horrible mood. Passing by Thester in the kitchen. "Hey, Frank. Why are you back so early!" he asks him. Frank just ignores him and grumbled, "That stupid son of a bitch German Shepherd......." Thester thought, 'What's is problem? Oh well.' Thester continued to cook dinner for the Legion of DOOOOOM. Every day, whenever Frank was away, Thester was expected to do everything. Cook. Clean. Laundry. Never allowed to take time for himself or he knows Fitz would give him hell for it.

Dinner was done. Thester served the meal he made which was Shrimp Newburg. Placing all the plates full of the dinner on a serving cart. Thester pushes the cart into the command room. Fitz was in the middle of a meeting. How Fitz hated being interrupted. "DAMMIT THESTER! Don't you know you can't interrupt be in the middle of a meeting!" Fitz screamed at him.

"I just want you to know that dinner is served, boss or chief!" Thester announced. "Fine! Just serve it to everyone." Fitz said. "All right, then..." Thester says. "Keep your mouth shut!" Fitz tells him.

Thester nervously served the food to all the members of the Legion of DOOOOOM. Then Fitz got his meal last. Eating the meal, Thester joins him. Fitz was kind of a picky eater, thus he had a hard time swallowing sometimes and certain spices in food burn his tongue. Thester was aware of that so that way he had to be extra careful.

The Russian Mobster kept counting the shrimp and laughing, "One Shrimp! HA! HA! HA! Two Shrimp! HA! HA HA! Three Shrimp! HA! HA! HA!" Everyone around him, even Thester glared at him with annoyance. Soon The Russian Mobster apologizes for his actions, "Sorry, counting is one of my many addictions! I even count my sperm when I jizz! HA! HA! HA!!"

Just as suspected. Fitz was having a hard time trying to swallow the shrimp. For Fitz had a condition he developed by swallowing too many anti psychotic meds for his PTSD. When Fitz chewed the food, it was too spicy for him to handle. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he spits it onto his plate.

"DAMN THESTER! What the FUCK did you put in this shit!" Fitz yells.

"It was my speciality. Shrimp Newburg! I put what I usually put in it!" Thester answers candidly.

"It tastes like SHIT! I never wanted this for dinner!" Fitz said. When indeed Fitz mentioned yesterday that he wanted Shrimp Newburg for dinner.

"Sorry chief! Sorry boss!" Thester jumps around all nervous.

"Knock that shit off! Now I'm going to starve for the rest of the day!" Fitz rants. "Don't worry. I'll get you some McDonald Chicken McNuggets later on." assured Frank.

"Thanks for that, Frank!" Fitz said then headed over to Thester, "Don't you realize I have a condition that I can't swallow food that well?"

"Yes, boss! Yes! Of course I do! What can I do to correct this!" Thester asked in desperation.

"Get your ass back in the kitchen and make me a nice African American Meal!" Fitz points at Thester.

"Yes, boss! Right away, chief!" Thester said. None of the other Legion of DOOOOOM members had a problem with Thester's cooking. Only Fitz did. Back into the kitchen, Frank comes in, "Oh Frank! Did you see what happened just now!"

"Who cares! Leave me alone! Every day it's, Fitz did this! Fitz did that! Blah Blah Blah! I'm SICK of your complains about Fitz." Frank tells him off.

"I am aware of his medical conditions! He always assumes that I'm not and always out for myself." Thester rambles.

"Yeah, well I had it worse today! That son of a bitch German Shepherd from the Paradise Police Department drugged all my prized fighters!" Frank says running off.

Thester falls onto the floor, "Nobody wants to listen to me about my predicaments with Fitz!"

All hope was lost for Thester that was until he heard a whispered voice. "Psst! Hey, man. Come over here!"

"Who was that?" Thester darted his eyes all around. "HERE!" the whisper said again. Thester moves himself over to the sound of the whisper. It appeared to be a short man in a cloak. "I got something you can give to your boss for dinner." The short person said.

"Please. Anything!" Thester said. The short person hands Thester a can of dog food disgused as hash. "Give him this. Trust me. He'll love it." Thester looks at the can, "Oh thank you so much! With any luck I can get back on his good side!"

"No problem!" the short person in the cloak said running away. Coming out of the Dippin Dots Building, the short person took off the cloak and it was revealed to be Bullet. He giggled, "heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee! Sucker!"

Thester cooks up the 'hash' with butter and chopped up some onions and fried up the hash and the onions. Fitz was carrying on like a small child. "WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG! I'M HUNGRY! I WANT MY DINNER NOW!"

In five minutes, Fitz's dinner was ready. Thester ran into the command center like a kamikaze with the 'hash' on a plate. "Here you are, boss! Enjoy!" Thester said.

Fitz dove into the cooked 'hash' and went to town on it. "MMMMMMM! DAMN! MMMMM! MMMMM! Delicious! MMMM! DAMN THIS GGGGGGGOOOOODDDDDDD!" Fitz was able to swallow it too. Thester breathed a sign of solace and ease now that he had calmed down Fitz. For now anyway.

"See! This is food! Not that lame ass Shrimp Newburg! That's white people shit!" Fitz tells all the members of his Legion of DOOOOM.

With this problem out of the way. There was going to be yet more trouble to come......



*



In the command room in the Legion of DOOOOOM, the phone rings and Fitz goes to get it. "Hello?" he asks. The people on the phone were from the Independent Mortage Foundation. Fitz took out a mortgage six months ago to buy some luxuries for his Dippin' Dots Building. Frank and Thester heard Fitz on the phone. "I see." "I see." "Yes." "Yes." "Right." "Can you say that one more time?" Fitz responded on the phone. The convesation on the phone lasted 2 long hours. As soon as the phone call was done, before Fitz hung up, he says, "OKay." "Okay." "Goodbye." For the rest of the day, Fitz was in a depressed, zombie-like state. All he did was sit his chair in the command room. Stare sadly into space.

"Do you want to see what's wrong or should I?" asked Frank. "You should." said Thester. "No, why don't you be the one to do it?" asked Frank. "No! I can't! He hates me! He likes you beter!" Thester said. "Let's both ask." said Frank.

"Uhhh, Fitz....." calls Frank. "Chief? Boss?" Thester tried to get his attention to.

"Yes?" Fitz responded in a soft sad sounding tone.

"Is there a problem?" Frank asked. "Yes, boss. What's going on?" asked Thester.

"Got off the phone with the Independent Mortage Foundation....." Fitz said slowly and crestfallen.

"What did they say?" Frank asks. "There was a computer error. Someone asshole fucked up. They're going to take my mortgage away from me." Fitz still talks slowly.

"Oh, how awful boss! Whatever we can do?" Thester asks. "Yes, but I only need Frank's help with it. Thester, fuck off. You don't understand this shit." Fitz said now that his voice was growing from sad to mad.

Thester runs to his bedroom. For the rest of the day. Fitz talks to Frank to find those papers that Fitz filled out for the mortgage. Spent the whole day trying to find those ever so important papers, Frank finally found them. Fitz goes back to the phone to call the Independent Mortgage Foundation again. Only to have an answering machine answer. "YOUR PHONE CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US! PLEASE STAY ON THE LINE." BBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP! No one responds to Fitz's call. Which threw Fitz into a raging frenzy where he breaks and throws everything in sight.

By tommorow, Fitz got all his papers ready to call the Independent Mortgage Foundation. He phoned them, and lucky for him, someone answers his call and actually tries to help. Another antagonizing long phone call ensues. Thester was worried out of his mind that Fitz feared that was going to lose everything and the Legion of DOOOOM was never going to take over Paradise. All Thester wanted was for Fitz to be happy.

Thester actually does care for Fitz despite what Frank and Fitz think. Frank was in the other room playing with Jerry. Things seem to now be turning around for Fitz. After more antagonizing long two hours on the phone, someone was actually going to help him. Fitz came out of the command room and tells Kevin and Thester.

"They're going to give me another mortgage!" Fitz said cheerfully. "That's wonderful chief!" Thester said. "I'm going to need some help from both of you!" Fitz said. "Whatever it takes." Frank said.

"All right. They need me to email a copy of my birth certificate. So what I need you both to do is take pictures with your iPADS of my birth certificate!" Fitz tells them.

"Right!" "On it!" Thester implies, "If this doesn't work. Let's get William Devane to help!" "He does commercials for Rosland Capital you idiot!" Frank says. "Fred Thomspon?" asks Thester innocently. "He's dead! This isn't the time for your fucking comedy! Gosh, you're worse than Prop Cop!" Fitz yells.

Thester takes about 10 pictures on his iPAD. Then Frank does the same. "Let me see what you got." Fitz said. Thester hands his iPAD to Fitz that is until he hears the mail come. Fitz began to seethe in fury when he saw the pictures Thester took. Frank asks, "Want to take a look at mine?" Thester comes in with the mail. "THESTER! Is your head on ass backwards!" Fitz shouts. "What's the matter, boss?" asked Thester. "All these pictures you took of my birth certificate are all fucking blurry! LOOK!" Thester gasps! "I can try to fix it!" "Good! Get off your ass for once and do something right!" Fitz yells. Thester tries like hell to fix all the blurry pictures he had taken. No luck.

Fitz takes Thester's iPAD to look at the pictures. Thester puts the mail next to Fitz. "Here's the mail, chief!" "I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS!" Fitz screams. "Yes, Thester. This is a matter of life and death!" Frank said. "I know! I know!" said Thester.

"YES YES YES! You know everything! I can never say anything to you because you already know! You are the worst type of person!" Fitz tells Thester. "STOP! STOP! STOP! I want some peace around here. Take a gander at my pics." Frank yelled acting like Thester was the one who started all the chaos.

Fitz was impressed with the way Frank took the pictures of his certificate. "Damn! This is awesome!" "I can put it on a PDF File! Here I'll show you." Frank said. Wanting to avoid any more conflict, Thester takes Jerry for a walk and sells some Houndstooth Meth along the way.

In no time, Fitz emailed the Independent Mortgage Foundation his birth certificate via the PDF file how Frank told him to. Getting a call the next day from the Mortgage Place, they tell Fitz that he was approved and was going to get his money by next month. Thester couldn't be more happier. Frank caught onto Thester's emotion. "Why the fuck were you worried? This wasn't your problem." tells Frank to Thester. "I was just glad for the chief." said Thester showing his true feelings about the whole mortgage endeavor. "No. You were afraid that he was going to beat you up and get rid of you if things didn't go his way." said Frank.

"Not true at all!" said Thester. "I know better. Fitz and I know you like the backs of our penises." said Frank. "I know a lot about mortgages and loans. I saw The Big Short." Thester said. "Yeah, whatever....." Frank said not being interested in what Thester knew. Fitz barged into their business as assumed the worst. "WHAT'S GOING ON? You starting fights again, Thester?" "No, I wasn't...." Thester said. "Yes you were!" Fitz said then he fell to the floor and cried while giving them both a declamation of bibical proportions.

"You just don't get it about me. I got this Mortgage so I can take care of all my Legion of DOOOOOM members. So you all can be financially secure." Fitz tells both Frank and Thester. Fitz continues, as he goes on about how much responsibility he has on his shoulders from living a double life. Being a policeman and a Drug Kingpin at the same time. Having to kill to and cover his ass, and so on and so forth. Frank ignores Fitz's rant. Thester is brought to tears.

"ALL I WANT IS A LITTLE RESPECT! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD I HAVE IT! I HAD IT WORSE THAN YOU........."

Fitz was finally going to get another mortgage. Are things going to get better now both financially and emotionally for the Legion of DOOOOOM?



*



Tomorrow afternoon, Fitz was in bed all day. It was a record striking 98 degrees in the town of Paradise. Feeling a little under the weather and crying due to his PTSD. Thester took charge and did he usual duties. Frank as now working his crimes from the Dippin' Dots Building on his computer because of coronavirus concerns. (Even bad guys have to be careful).

As soon as Thester was done with his chores, he decides to relax to watch The End Of The Affair. Thester liked movies that had taken place in England/Great Britain where he was from. Although he had a cruel and abusive childhood in an orphange there. Movies centered around England and baseball movies were Thester's favorites. Sometimes it was blissfull for Fitz to be in bed all day. Other times, it was nerve wracking. The Legion of DOOOOOM members were always looking over their shoulders, walking on eggshells. Never knowing what Fitz will get upset about next.

Especially Thester. Frank never seemed too worried.....

Jerry was on guard. Looking to see if the Paradise PD were on their way to arrest everybody. One of Jerry's fears was Fed EX Delivery Trucks. Fitz was expecting something from Fed Ex. Ingredients to make both Argyle and Houndstooth Meth that were sent by Robbie and Delbert. Thester was always the one in charge of bringing in the packages and keeping Jerry quiet so Fitz can take his 6 hour naps. Considering Fitz would often complain about never having 'peace of mind'.

When the movie was over, Fitz was still in bed. Jerry begins to have a huge meltdown when he saw the Fed EX truck to the Dippin' Dots building. Frank and Thester both come running to help him. "Are you okay, Jerry?" asked Frank to his son.

Jerry was crying and yelling very loudly. It had woken up Fitz. Thester was complaining to himself about how he was always the one who was bringing in the packages. Jerry tries to grab the package away from Thester. The package looked like it had been tampered with. Frank calms down Jerry as Thester took the package into his room.

"I'll take care of this. You look after Jerry." Thester tells Frank.

"I well. It's okay Jerry. It's okay...." Frank assures his son. Frank was always a good father to Jerry.

Thester looked inside the package. It was ingredients used to make the meths. However all the ingredients were wrapped in Halloween themed candy wrappers. "Oh golly. It finally came. This'll put Fitz in a good mood." Thester tells himself.

When Jerry calmed down, Frank went back to working on his computer. Fitz threw open his bedroom door. Steaming angry. The gates of hell were about to open.

"Why is it nobody can shut that little dolphin brat up!" Fitz demanded. "SHAME BAD!" Fitz screams at Jerry who begins to wallow. "I calmed him down." Frank tells him. "Where the hell was Thester?" Fitz shouted with this madness on high levels.

Thester came running in with the Fed Ex. "This came for you, chief!"

Fitz looked inside, "This must be the ingredients for my meth. What the hell is wrong with the package?"

"It came like that!" Thester explained.

"Bullshit!" Fitz said.

It's true." Thester said trying to remain clam.

"Prove it!" Fitz said.

Thester tells him up straight, "That's how Fed Ex brought the package. It was like that when I got it!"

Fitz says, "Open the box."

Thester opens the box and feels that the ingredients were softened due to the heat. "The Meth ingredients appear to be a little soft."

"All right, find a bag to put it on the freezer." Fitz says on the verge of revving up.

Thester gets a bag and puts all the candy wrapped ingredients inside. That was until Fitz felt one of the wrappers. "IT'S ALL MELTED! IT'S MELTED! IT'S ALL SHIT NOW!"

"Maybe the heat did it, boss. It is over 90 degrees!" Thester answers.

Fitz threw the box on the floor and toddled off. Frank comes in and says, "Now what you guys?"

"The ingredients for our meth have melted." Thester tells Frank. "Throw it all away then." said Frank. Not really knowing what to do. Thester put the bag in a garbage sack and threw it in the bin outside their building. Thester comes running into the command room. Fitz spotted him, "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THE INGREDIENTS WERE MELTED!"

"I did! I said they were a little soft!!" said Thester. "Get me the box! I'm going to have you take a picture of the melted ingredients and email it to Robbie and Delbert!" Fitz said wanting to take action. "Right away, boss!" Thester said. Tensions were rising high. As it always did when something doesn't go Fitz's way. Thester quickly ran through the garbage trying to find the garbage bag with the melted contents. Frank saw him and began to yell, "WHY ARE YOU GOING THROUGH THE GARBAGE DUMBASS!!"

"Chief wants to take a picture." said Thester. "I'm gonna tell!" Frank warns. Thester runs back into the building. Frank and Fitz were having another one of their 'What Are We Going To Do About Thester' meetings.

"You son of a bitch! You were in the garbage!" Fitz yelled. "I got it back from there so you can take a picture!" Thester answered very fearfully.

"There's a coronavirus pandemic going on and you look through trash! Are you trying to kill us all?" Fitz shouts in a accusatory way.

Thester struggles to get the words out. Fitz barks at him to wash his hands. Frank takes the garbage of melted meth contents. Thester got done washing his hands, got is IPAD to take a picture of the melted meth contents and emailed the pic to Fitz.

Fitz ran back into the command room. Thester was trying to talk to Frank. "You didn't have to yell at me like that!" Thester said. "Why did you go through the garbage?" Frank asks. "Please! Not you too! Always with the questions! Why did you....why did you. If it's not that it's always, you didn't you didn't you didn't! You both treat me like a mischevious toddler!" Thester whines.

Yelling from the command room Fitz screams, "QUIET YOUR MOUTH OR I'LL QUIET IT FOR YOU!" Frank stomps off getting fed up with Thester always complaining to him about Fitz. "Don't ruin this day anymore than you already have." Frank scoffed at Thester.

Fitz was emailing Robbie and Delbert the images of the melted contents. When he was done, Fitz walks out of the command room and sees Thester to crap on him some more.

"How long was that package out there?" Fitz said with a mad look in his eyes. "Give or take five minutes. I couldn't get there on time chief. We had to calm down Jerry and......."

"Why didn't you bring it in the minute it came?" Fitz wanted to know more.

"Right away....five minutes? What's the difference? It's hot out there. Maybe it melted on it's way here when it was on the delivery truck.

Fitz wasn't having any of it. Frank walks in again very disgusted, "I can go to the pharmacy and get these ingredients. If it's going to make you two stop going at it!"

"You upset Frank again! No Frank. That's okay. I'll just have Robbie and Delbert make me some more." Fitz told him.

Thester was about to go into one of his suicidal tirades, "Just say the word, chief! Just say the...."

Growing more and more full of rage, Fitz kicks Thester in the testicles. "No more of these suicide metaphors! Fucking Twat Waffle! Now go make my bed!"

"Yes, chief!" Working through the pain from when Fitz kicked him, Thester goes to Fitz's bedroom to make his bed. Fitz runs in "DAMN! SHIT! Not my ass!" "Is everything all right, boss?" asked Thester out of concern.

"You gave me diarreah! Of course I'm not all right! You're in so much trouble!" Fitz screamed from the bathroom.

Thester decides to confront Fitz for the way he acts towards him, "You know. You treat me like shit and I don't know why!"

"I'm just trying to help you grow up! I'm not abusing you. It's just that you're too childish!" Fitz defended himself.

"I never thought you were abusive. Why do you always go after me for, chief?" Thester asks. When deep down, Thester knew the truth that Fitz was abusive. Thought he would never admit it to his face.

"It's to show you tough love! So you'll finally stop being such a blundering asshole!" Fitz said.

Thester made Fitz's bed. Coming out of the bathroom, Fitz pushes Thester out of his bedroom. "You never behave with Frank like this! Why can't you go after any of the other Legion of DOOOOOM members for a change?" Thester asks.

"Whenever I tell them to do something. They get it done right. Whereas you always fuck up! Add it to the fact that you do it on purpose just to piss me off! You hate me! You don't respect me as your boss. You also hate the responsiblity I give to you to look after Jerry. See! I know you better than you know yourself!"

Slamming his bedroom door in Thester's face. He runs to Frank hoping he will listen for once.

"What now! Can't you see I got work to do?" Frank said rolling his eyes.

"How come we never treats you like this?" Thester cries. "Because Fitz and I have a kinship. A bromance type of bond that you will never understand." "How can I get this type of bond?" asked Thester. "Know what? You figure it out! It's not my problem! Fuck off!" Frank said working on his computer.

Feeling like a loser, Thester retreats into his room until this whole 'melted meth ingredients' scene was over. Jerry comes over to comfort Thester. "Oh Jerry. You're the only one who cares about me....."




*



That very night. Fitz got an email from Robbie and Delbert. This time they agreed next time to put some cold packs in the meth ingredients they mail to the Dippin' Dots building. "Ha! Giving Robbie and Delbert hell really paid off!" Fitz stood proudly.

There and then Fitz invited all the Legion of DOOOOM members to watch a marathon of both The Simpsons and South Park. "First off. We're going to watch my favorite episodes. Lisa the Skeptic and Spookyfish! Then I expect a 500 page essay report on what you thought about the episode." Fitz says.

"Why does it have to be those episodes boss?" asked Thester. "Oh look who's questioning my authority here. Want to know why? Those episodes are my favorite!" Fitz raised his voice at Thester's face.

"I feel so bad for Lisa in that episode. They all accuse her of stealing those angel bones and she gets thrown in jail for it. How is that even remotely funny? Why do we have to watch Spookyfish for? It's the middle of spring. Frank keeps asking me over and over again what I thought about Terrence and Phillip stabbing each other....." Thester going into a hyperbole.

"Yeah, sure. Make me be the bad guy. You've seen that episode lots of times. You're the one who knows all about it. I just want your opinion on it once and for all!" Frank said.

Pedro Pooptooth told Thester, "If you don't like this, then leave Puto!"

"Know what. Pedro is right. Don't want to be a part of this. FINE! The door is right there! Go out it and never come back!" said Fitz. "Yeah, don't let the door hit you in the ass!" laughed Frank as Jerry laughed with him.

Sadly, Thester walks out the door. "We don't need him! On with the show!" Pedro Pooptooth said. "Now you're talking!" Fitz said turning on the DVD Player. "I like this episode because Lisa got what she deserved! I fucking hate Lisa Simpson!" Fitz added on.

Thester strolled down the street with a wooden stick in his hand rubbing the stick against a picket fence. All the while kicking an empty soda can. Alice in Chains Heaven Beside You plays. Hobo Cop jumped out of a dumpster and watches Thester strolling very slow. "Wonder what his problem is? Oh well!"

Glancing down at the pavement, Thester continues to walk all around the town of Paradise. Trying to find a place to drown his sorrows. The song ended as Thester goes inside Possum Pizza. Sitting at a counter, a man at the counter asks, "What'll it be?" "Do you serve alcohol here?" Thester asked shakingly. "Oh yes. This isn't just a place for kids. What can I get for you?" asked the man.

"A beer would be fine." Thester said. The man at the counter gives Thester a beer. Over at the other end of the Possum Pizza place, he sees the Paradise PD have a victory party over solving another crime. Bullet boasts, "THREE CHEERS FOR THE PARADISE PD!" "HIP HIP HOORAY! HIP HIP HOORAY!" "If only Fitz were here...." Randall said. "Ahhh! Fuck him I say!" Stanley said. Gina chases Dusty with a pop bottle, "Drink this so I can have sex with you!" "No Gina, don't!" "Congrats to you, Dad!" "Who wants pizza mixed with cocaine!" Thester sighs in sadness as he hears Gina, Dusty, Bullet, Kevin, Randall and Stanley all have a loud party, throwing pizza at each other using soda bottles as squirt guns.

Going to drink the beer, Thester hears a beeping sound on his wristwatch. He goes to answer it and Fitz was calling him from it. "THESTER! Get your ass back here! We need your help!" Fitz orderes Thester as he was snapping his fingers. "Right away, boss!" Thester said on his wristwatch.

Hurrying back to the Dippin Dots Building as fast as he could. Thester sees everyone was in the Weapons Room. "I'm here boss! What do you need me for?" Fitz, Pedro Pooptooth, Frank, Jerry, Puffy the Cigarette, Pat Robertson, Marcos Narcos, Russian Mobster, and Edna Dorsaldigits were putting pizza ingredients into what appeared to be a giant missile.

"Good, you're here. We need your help filling our nuclear missile with as much pizza stuff as possible." Fitz said. "Santa Maria! Where did he learn such cookery?" wondered Marcos Narcos. "One pepperoni! HA! HA! HA! Two pepperoni! HA! HA! HA! Three pepperoni! HA! HA! HA!" The Russian Mobster chortled as he counted. All the Legion of DOOOOOM members were throwing so much pizza ingredients into the nuke missile.

"On it, boss! What topping would you like me to put inside?" asked Thester. "We need flour! AND STEP ON IT!" Fitz said. Thester gets all panic striken trying to find the flour. He knew one of Fitz's triggers was not having something available or whatever it was Fitz needed running out. What Thester also knew was that he was always the one to get blamed for it.

"FLOUR! FLOUR! FLOUR! OOOOOHHHH! Where is it?" Thester looked around.

"Hurry up with that damned flour!" Fitz yells. Thester was out of breath from panic. "Sorry, boss. I searched far and wide. We ran fresh out of flour"

Fitz grabs a pipe and begins to chase Thester out of the building to beat him once he catching up to him. "YOU SON A BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU"!

Both ran out of the Dippin Dots Building Fitz pursues Thester wanting to beat him with the pipe. The chase lasted into the night as the Benny Hill theme song played. Fitz chased Thester all around the town of Paradise in fast motion speeds.

"GETTING THE FLOUR WAS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! WHY DID YOU FORGET?!!!"

"SORRY CHIEF! SORRY BOSS! I'LL DO BETTER NEXT TIME! I'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!"

"YOU ALWAYS SAY YOU'RE GOING TO DO BETTER, AND YET YOU NEVER DO......."

Nothing Thester can do will ever make Fitz proud. Even if Thester did something right, Fitz would always try to find some kind of fault with it. In the end. When it comes right down to it. Thester Carbomb has always been and will always be Gerald Fitzgerald's personal scapegoat.

Not to mention Thester will forever be to Fitz, An inexperienced little no nothing child.




The End





The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!




























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