Categories > Cartoons > Family Guy
Variety Show Telethon
0 reviewsPeter hosts a local telethon in an effort to raise money to save a failing music store.
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My 70th Fanfiction! Celebrate Good Times, Come On!
Family Guy Presents
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Variety Show Telethon.
Unable to meet at their usual hot spot The Drunken Clam. Which was being sterilized after a roach problem Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were meeting at an internet cafe in the Quahog Mall.
"Ahhh, the Internet Cafe. A place where hipsters come to drink their coffee." Peter said sighing. "Wish the Clam would get that sterilization thing done! How long does it take?" asks Joe. "Why doesn't this internet cafe allow alcohol? At least let us have that!" asked Quagmire. "We should be thankful that this is the only place where we can meet for now." Cleveland tells them. "Guess you're right. This'll piece of shit place will have to do for now anyway." said Peter.
The hipsters surrounding the internet cafe were talking about issues such as defunding the police. Black Lives Matter. Virtue signaling. Legalizing Pot, Viral videos on TikTok. Or what the latest celebrity was doing. Peter sighs in disgust. "Can't stand to listen to these sons of bitches much longer!"
"Look on the bright side, it's Friday, right." asks Quagmire. "You know what that means." said Joe. "Cheesy cartoons on Youtube day?" asked Peter gleefully. "Nope, music APPs day! Everyone pull up your Spotify or Pandora." announces Cleveland.
"Awesome! Let's scare away these hipsters by playing something from AC|DC! Preferably, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap!" Peter said. As Joe, Cleveland, Quagmire, and Peter were hooking up their iphones to the wifi. The four of them went on the Pandora APP. Just as Peter was about to go on his, he gets a notice stating, "Pay $500 for An Update." "What the hell!" Peter spouts. "What just happened, Peter?" asked Cleveland. "It says here I have to pay $500 for an upgrade on my Pandora APP!" Peter tells his friends.
Quagmire reaches over to Peter's iphone, "Here let me see. It probably just says $5.00!" Quagmire sees how much Peter has to pay, even he could not believe it. Handing Peter back his iphone, Quagmire clarifies, "Woah, this isn't so very giggity if you ask me."
"Do you have a bank account? Just pay for it through that." suggests Joe. "We could do another heist where we rob Carter. You know, your rich father in law?" said Cleveland. Deciding to take a stand, Peter says, "NO! If I have to pay that much to get an update on my music app. Then to hell with it!" "What do you intend to do?" ask Joe. "Start a protest group against apps! You're already surrounded by hipsters, why not get them to join you for your cause?" said Quagmire.
"Never! I shall not degrade myself like that! I am going back to CDs!" vows Peter. "Music stores are a dying breed, good luck trying to find one in ths age of APPS." said Cleveland. "There's a music store across the street at the mall. I'm going there and buying a bunch of CDs! I'm outta here!" Peter storms off in anger.
"Wow. I've never seen Peter act out this badly since he made to do a remake of Rebel Set!" said Joe
Cutaway Scene:
Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were dressed like policemen. As they were taking money out of a van and putting it into their car. The four of them had tied up some policemen who tried to stop them. "A little assitance, gentlemen!" Joe calls to Quagmire and Cleveland who ran away from the tied up policemen to help Joe and Peter put more monet into the car. A siren is heard from far away. Peter begins to freak out, "IS THAT US!" "Quick let's move!" screams Cleveland as they put the remainder of the money in their car.
Running across the street to get to the Quahog Mall. Peter finds the music store. Which was called Music, Mugs, and More. Much to his sorrow, before upon entering, Peter sees Music, Mugs, and More was closing down. "What's going on here?" asks Peter. A man at the front desk tells him, "We're going out of business. What does it look like?" "I knew that. You know what? I'm going to put this place back in business!" said Peter. The man cynically scoffs, "Dream on dumbass! I'm for one am glad this place is closing. Hated working here anyway! Now I can go to my dream job! Moving to Denver and opening my own weed store!"
Peter says, "Could it be you're losing everything to those stupid ass APPs that you have to pay money for, right?" "You're catching on there." said the man.
"Music stores should not be closing down all because people prefer to listen to music on those APPs!" said Peter taking a last look around Music, Mugs, and More.
At the Griffin House. Peter calls a Family Meeting. "I'm the one who calls the family meetings, Peter." said Lois. "Mind telling us what this is all about?" asked Brian. "My favorite music store in the mall Music, Mugs, and More is closing......" said Peter pacing back and forth. "Yes we know. That place was shutting down for quite some time now." Brian said. "I blame one thing for it! Those stupid retarded ass music APPs!" said Peter. "What's wrong with music apps, Dad?" asked Chris.
"Glad you asked there, Chris. Music APPs always need upgrades and therefore gives you these notices that you need to pay over $300 or more!" said Peter who then added on, "Then it's $400...$500.....$600..." "How much do you want to pay for the app, asshole!" Brian steams at Peter. "YOU'VE GOT TO SSSTTTOOOPP!!" screams Peter. Stewie said, "BLAST! That's so loud! What is his problem with APPs! I rather like them! I listen to Anne Murray on Music Apps!" Peter then goes onto say, "These music APPs! They're taking away my money! So that's why I need you, my family to come up with an idea for to get Music, Mugs, and More to go back in the saddle again!"
"What are we supposed to do about it?" asked Meg. "Stay out of this, Meg! We don't need you!" shouted Peter. Lois says, "All right kids, your father wants us to think of something we can do to raise money to keep the Music Store he likes."
"Can't come up with anything..." said Chris. "Well, it's going to take time. We need to do something big that can hold everybody's attention." Brian said. "I know. A fundraiser? Charity event? A benefit dinner, nah. A picnic. Nah. A blood drive is always good." said Lois. "Not good enough. Try again." said Peter. Stewie said, "A bake sale! So I can sell my delicious sweets!" "Those delicious sweets of yours you bought at the Swedish Bakery." said Brian.
Chris then gets a thought, "What's that one thing called that Jerry Lewis used to do? Every Labor Day." Pointing to Chris, "A-ha! Looks like you're onto something there Chris. I do know what you're talking about. It's called a telethon!"
Lois agrees, "That's wonderful Peter. A telethon! We can see if Channel 5 will let us use their studio for one." Brian said knowing Peter always conducts schemes that gives the impression that Peter was only out for himself, "Are you doing this for yourself?" "Absolutely not. I'm doing this for everyone and anyone who is fed up with those money grabbing APPs just like I am!" Peter announces.
"Well," said Lois, "This could be something fun we can all do together!" "You're right, Lois. We should get the whole town in on it too!" Peter said.
The Griffins all get into their car, whereas Brian and Stewie drive in his Prius to drive to the Channel 5 studio.
Brian was driving as he tells Stewie, "Peter sure gets motivated when he's extremely upset about someting, doesn't he?" Stewie said, "Yes, you're telling me. Like how we were determined to drown out Peter's vomiting while trying to turn up the volume while we were watching Morons From Outer Space."
Cutaway Scene:
Brian and Stewie were sitting on the couch. Peter was in the bathroom vomiting after a drunken night out. Brian and Stewie were watching Morons From Outer Space during the scene where an alien was on a piano playing The Entertainer. Getting annoyed by Peter's vomiting, Brian and Stewie turn the volume up full blast while the song was playing, as Peter's vomiting kept growing louder and louder. "TURN DOWN THAT FUCKING SONG! I'M TRYING TO THROW UP IN HERE!" Peter yells. "Too damned bad, fatman!" Stewie said solemnly.
*
At the Channel 5 studios. The Griffins were talking to Tom Tucker about using the studio for Peter's telethon. "Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker. Our top story today, a local family wants to use this studio for a telethon!"
"For God's Sake! You don't have to introduce yourself like that." said Lois. "Oh, sorry. I just got so used to saying that all these years. What do you have in mind for a telethon?" asked Tom Tucker.
"To raise money to save a failing music store in the mall." said Peter. "The reason being is that he's so fed up with having to pay for music apps. Hopefully he thinks others will join in on this as well." said Brian.
"The studio is yours. I'll just have to get permission and approval from the owner of the channel." said Tom Tucker who walks off. "This telethon is going to be the best thing ever! We'll have musical numbers, comedy sketches and whole shebang!" said Peter with excitement.
"This is exactly something that you would do!" said Brian. As they were waiting for Tom Tucker to get back, the Griffins sit on the couch. A clock above them begins to move very fast indicating how long they had to wait.
Five hours later.
The Griffins had drifted fast asleep upon waiting for approval for Peter to get his telethon. Tom Tucker walks in to see that the Griffins were all dozing off. "Uh, Griffin family? Hello? Say something!" Tom Tucker trying to get their attention. Unable to wake them up, Tom Tucker gets a megaphone and yells into it, "EXCUSE ME!"
Waking up all at the same time, Peter said, "Oh, sorry. Got so bored waiting so we all fell asleep." "Did you get approval for Peter's telethon?" asked Lois. Tom Tucker announces, "Just got back with my supervisor and the person in charge of Channel 5 studios."
"And..." Peter asks. "Congratulations! You have been approved for the telethon! Knock 'em dead out there, Mr. Griffin!" Tom Tuckers gets out a clipboard and tells Peter, "Just sign on the dotted line and the studio is yours! But only for 24 hours!" Peter signs the contract.
All the Griffins cheer as they were ecstatic for Peter getting his telethon. "Wow, Peter! You got what you wished for! That's gotta make you feel great!" Brian said. "Way to go, Dad! When kids in school ask me who's hosting the telethon, I'll just tell them. Hey look everybody! That's my Dad up there!" Chris cheers. "We love you, Dad!" said Meg but her complement was ignored.
"This is the most proudest moment in my life!" Peter said. Stewie says, "Hmmm, thought the proudest moment of Peter's life was when he had Meg volunteer to be a part of a Circus Act!"
Cutaway Scene:
The Griffins were inside a circus tent watching an act called the Chinese Stick People. Their leader calls out to the audience. "We want volunteer for act!" "Why do you want to do that?" asked Peter. "So we could see how strong brains and heads are." said the leader of the Chinese Stick People holding out a wooden stick. Chris grabs Meg's arm and points it in the air.
"Here's a volunteer!" "Freaking sweet, Chris! Take this girl!" Peter points at Meg as he throws her out of hte audience and into the circus ring with the Chinese Stick People. Meg screams. She soon finds herself being circled around by ther Chinese Stick People who all bash her head in with wooden sticks. Peter says with tears in his eyes, "She sure knows how to make a father proud!"
Night had turned into day. Everybody in Quahog all pitched in to work for Peter's telethon. Which had taken place at the Channel Five Studio. Quaghog citizens such as Bonnie, Mort, Seamus, Dr. Hartman, Principal Shepard, Joyce Kinney, Ollie Williams, Tricia Takanowa were all taking phone calls. Everybody else in Quahog expect for Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland, Meg, Chris, Stewie, Lois, and Brian were in the audience.
The guest of honor, Peter Griffin soon took center stage. Joe's voice was heard over a mircophone in the background. "Welcome residents of Quahog! You are all witnessing the first annual Peter Griffin Telethon. Here our goal to is raise money to save a failing Music Store, Music, Mugs, and More. So without further ado. Here is the man, himself, Peter Griffin!"
The audience erupts in clapping and cheers as Peter was on the stage. "For those of you who don't know me. I'm Peter Griffin. Glad you all could make it here. Welcome to The Variety Show Telethon. I started this telethon because I hate to pay for expensive upgrades on music APPs and I want to go back to CDs! I'm doing this, not just for myself. But for anyone here who is as pissed off as I am with that 'pay to upgrade a music APP bullshit'". We got a great show here for you all. We have musical numbers, comedy sketches, magic acts, and anything else anyone could ever ask for. First up, we have Herbert dancing with Chris and Stewie as they are going to perform Fixing A Hole. A song from the Beatles Sgt Pepper album which later became a bad movie. Hit it!"
Herbert was playing a guitar as Chris and Stewie were dancing beside him. Herbert soon sang the song, "I'm Fixing A Hole! Where The Rain Gets In! And Stops My Mind From Wandering. Where It Will Go...." As Herbert, Chris and Stewie were doing the musical number, Peter looks at the audience with a funny look on his face.
"I'm Filling The Cracks That Ran Through The Door. And Kept My Mind From Wandering! Where It Will Go...." Herbert continues to sing. "It Really Doesn't Matter if I'm Wrong Or Right......" Chris and Stewie soon join along and sing the lyrics.
In a matter of seconds, Herbert's, Chris's and Stewie's act comes to an end, and everyone in the audience claps for them. Lois comes out on the stage, "Great news, Peter!" "What is this news you bring forth my wife?" asked Peter. "We already raised $5000!" Lois said happily. "$5000! That's almost near our goal of $30,000!" The audience cheers for Peter who was pointing to a money meter that looked like a themometer. "Well, we're just getting started here! Next up, here's Brian and Stewie doing a 5 minute interview! Lights, camera, and action!" Peter said.
Peter leaves the stage, and Brian and Stewie brought out chairs so they can sit on.
"Greetings my friends. I am Stewie Griffin. And here we present to you the 5 minute interview! My guest today is Brian Griffin." Stewie tells the audience as the clapped.
Quagmire sees Brian and rolls his eyes, "I already don't like where this is going."
"It is a pleasure to be interviewed by you, Stewie." Brian tells the baby.
"Oh my yes. So, Brian. In your own words. What is the best book you have ever written?" asked Stewie.
Brian said, "Well, I guess it could be Wish It, Want It Do It. That really caught on faster than I thought it would."
"I see. How did Faster Than The Speed Of Love work out for you?" asked Stewie.
"Gotta admit, at first. It was panned by critics, then evenutally, people actually started to warm up to it over the years." Brian said.
"Okay, all right. Was it true because of it getting such negative criticism. Do you think it was because you ripped off the movie Iron Eagle?" Stewie asks.
Brian laughs wholeheartedly. "Oh no. That's not true in the least. Faster Than The Speed of Love was an idea all my very own."
Stewie said, "Whatever you say. Now answer me this. Why are you such a dick head?"
Brian grows mad and offended, "Shut up!" Stewie challanges the dog, "Make me!"
Trying to stand up for himself Brian shouts at Stewie, "If I knew I was going to be insulted and accused of plagarism, I never would've agreed to do this."
Stewie gets in Brian's face, "You're forgetting something. This is my interview. I can do whatever I want with it!"
Suddenly the actor Jon Cryer appears. "Don't worry, Brian! I liked your books!"
Brian and Stewie both yell, "What the fuck are you doing here?" "I'm Jon Cryer! From the movie Hiding Out and the show Two And A Half Men!"
Stewie shows Jon Cryer the exit, "We know who you are! Now here's the exit. Go out it and never come back!"
Brian calls out, "Go back to the set of Superman 4 The Quest For Peace! Don't let the door hit you in the ass!" Stewie threw our Jon Cryer and slammed the exit door as he yelped. Brian laughed.
Stewie then look at his watch, "Well, looks like times up! It was a 5 minute interview after all! Thank you for joining us! Join us again next time when I interview Robin William's ghost!"
Brian and Stewie took a bow as the audience claps for them. All expect Quagmire who cannot stand the sight or be in the same room as Brian Griffin. Joe over the microphone says, "Brian Griffin is a best selling author! A playright. A scholar! Brian Griffin lives in Minnepolis with his wife and four children! JUST KIDDING! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! I crack myself up. Thought I'd throw in a little humor there!"
Quagmire stated, "Well. That was five minutes of my life that I'll never get back!"
*
Ten hours went by. Peter's Telethon was still going strong. Running back to the stage. Peter Griffin announces another act. "Our announcer, Joe Swanson himself. Is going to be weightlifting! Take it away, Joe!"
Wheeling himself on stage. Joe Swanson goes to where the lifting bar was. Showing off his muscles and grunting, Joe readies himself for some weightlifting. A drumroll plays in the background. Grabbing the lifting bar, Joe uses every ounce of his strength to lift the lifting bar. Slowly and surely Joe lifts the lifting bar little by little. As luck would have it, Joe lifts the lifting bar over his head and roars victoriously.
"YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" The audience goes wild as they were impressed with the way Joe lifted that lifting bar.
Joe then found himself being flung to the ceiling. What nobody knew was there were magnets hidden on top of the ceiling. "WWWWOOOOOAAAAHHH!" Joe screamed feeling shocked that he was being lifted with the lifting bar onto the ceiling. "GET ME DOWN! GET ME DOWN! GET ME DOWN! What is this? A Crazy Glue commercial!" Joe demanded to be helped down from the magnets that were holding him and the lifting bar to the ceiling. The audience claps as Peter enters the stage again.
"Joe Swason everybody! Joe Swanson! Let's all give him a big hand! Lois, how much money did we raise?" asked Peter. Lois goes over to the money meter and presses a button. Lots of numbers multiply on the counter until it stopped at $15,000. "Wow! We're halfway there, Peter! $15,000!" Lois cheers. "All right! $15,000! Keep those contributions coming, Quahogians!" Peter says to the audience as they clap spontatiously for him. "GET ME DOWN!" Joe screams then he loses his grip from the lifting bar and falls back onto his wheelchair. Joe was okay as he wheeled off the stage. "Last time I do that!"
Mort calls out from the audience, "Do you have another act for us, Peter?" "You bet I do. Unfortunately, it's going to be a lackluster one. Here is Meg Griffin," Peter sighs as he rolls his eyes, "Doing a Liberty Mutual Insurance Commercial, take it away.....Meg."
Meg took the stage and began to perform. "As a struggling actor......uhh...line....." "As a struggling actor. I need all the help I can get. At Liberty Mutual they costumize your car.....uhh....line!" "Uhhh, Liberty Mutual......" "We costumize your......uh....what's the line again!" The audience was getting fed up with Meg's act and begins to boo her as they pelted her with tomatoes. Meg still continues, "Liberty Mutual costumizes your car insurance so you can pay for..... uhhh......line again..."
Backstage, Brian and Stewie get a cane. "You ready for this, Brian?" "Wouldn't you know it, Stewie." Brian and Stewie extend the cane in Meg's direction as they use the cane to pull Meg off the stage as she screams about being taken away by the cane. The audience clapped because they were happy that they didn't have to see Meg perform anymore. Peter comes back to the stage. "If that wasn't a shitty performace I don't know what was!"
Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire join Peter on stage and they all high five each other. "Way to pull a fast one on Meg, there, Peter!" said Cleveland. "I know! That was the fastest act ever!" said Joe. "We just wanted an excuse to make Meg look like a dumb bitch." snickered Quagmire. "Exactly." said Peter who then says, "Just like when Danny McGrath killed Billy Madison."
Cutaway Scene:
Billy Madison hears a knock at his door. He goes to answer it and it was someone he bullied in high school. Danny McGrath.
"Oh, hey, Danny. Glad you to see you again." said Billy. "Yes I am too." said Danny. "Thanks for accepting my phone call apology." said Billy. "Think nothing of it." said Danny. Hey, listen. Now that you're here you want to grab a coffee or something?" asked Billy. "Sure, but just one more thing, Billy." said Danny who had a gun behind his back. "Okay, what is it?" asks Billy. Danny pulled a gun on Billy Madison and shot him right between the eyes until Billy died on the doorstep. "HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Gotcha asshole! You have no idea how long I've waited to do this! Be careful who you make fun of in high school, you fucking son of a bitch!" Danny cackles insanely.
Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire leave the stage. "We have something even better now." said Peter. "My wife Lois will play the part of Sonya Blade and Quagmire will be Kano. In this skit play they are going to reeanct a scene from the 1995 Mortal Kombat movie! Lois, Quagmire! Take it away!" Peter said leaving the stage. Lois and Quagmire soon take their places on stage. Lois was dressed as Sonya Blade. Quagmire was dressed as Kano. The men in the audience were whooping for Lois.
Punching and kicking the air, Lois was getting into character. Quagmire comes out on the stage to join Lois and blows a kiss at her and laughs, "Hello baby! Did you miss me?" Lois glares as Quagmire in a tough way, as she walks up to Quagmire as he does the same. Quagmire takes out a knife and shows it to Lois, "Look at this. This litle baby brings back memories, doesn't it!" chuckles Quagmire. Lois tells him, "What? You used it to knife your mother in the back?" Quagmire said, "But it put a big smile on your partner from ear to ear! heh heh! Giggity! Giggity!"
Lois and Quagmire fought each other in the same fashion as the scene in the movie. Of course it was all played for fake. Cheers and whoops were heard in the audience. Some even did The Wave. Lois 'finishes' off Quagmire by doing a handstand and pretended to strangle him with her legs. Quagmire pretends to die and Lois 'wins' the match. "Lets all give a big hand to Lois and Quagmire!" Peter said.
The Telethon had reached it's second day and it's 23rd hour. Peter tells Lois, "Check our money meter!" Lois checks the money meter, the number multiply once more, and it was now at $25,000! "Woah! Holy Freaking Sweet! $25,000! Music, Mugs, and More prepare to be open for many more years to come! Music Apps can go fuck themselves!" The audience cheers again. Lois asks, "Shall we do another skit?" "Indeed we shall, Lois! Next up, Cleveland and Donna will play out the Johnny Cab scene from Total Recall! Get on out here!"
Cleveland and Donna take the stage. Cleveland was playing Douglas Quaid. Donna was Lori Quaid. Cleveland lements to himself, "Why did we get picked last to do a skit play? It's not because we're black is it?" Donna assures him, "It don't matter. Let's just have fun with this."
A cardboard cutout of a car comes their way. Inside there was a puppet that resembled Johnny Cab. Going inside the cardboard car, Cleveland and Donna hear some whistling. "Where are we?" asked Cleveland. The puppet responds, "You're in a Johnny Cab." "What are we doing here?" asked Donna. Johnny Cab puppet says, "I'm sorry, can you resphrase what you just said?" "How did we get in this taxi?" asked Cleveland. "Actually you're not in it. Hell of a day isn't it?" asked the Johnny Cab puppet.
Cleveland and Donna get out of the cardboard box and get into another 'Johnny Cab' They were acting like they were being chased. "DRIVE! DRIVE!" yelled Donna. "Can you repeat the destination?" asked the Johnny Cab puppet. "Go anywhere, just go!!" shouted Cleveland. "You need to repeat your destination!" said the Johnny Cab puppet. "SHIT!" shouted both Donna and Cleveland. "Please state where Shit is!" said the Johnny Cab Puppet. The audience cracked up in laughter. As the skit play was about to advance, the 24th hour of the Telethon had arrived.
*
Lois takes the stage, "$25,000. That ought to be enough to reopen Music, Mugs, and More, am I right! You've all been a great audience and...." Peter cuts Lois off at the pass. "NO! NO! We need to keep this going." "What? Why? Telethons are supposed to last 24 hours." said Lois. Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire side with her, "She's right, Peter. $25,000 sounds good enough. It's been fun but I want to return to my life regular life." said Joe. "I agree. We all did our part now it's time to call it quits." said Cleveland. Peter says, "We never reached our goal of $35,000!" "That is like you, isn't it, Peter? Always wanting more." snapped Quagmire.
"Hey, this is my Telethon! I can do whatever I want with it! We're extending it to 72 hours! We won't stop! Not until we get $35,000!" Peter snaps back.
Brian said, "Looks like we'll be stuck here a while." Stewie adds, "Why is Peter so obsessed with the number 72? Like when he took 72 aspirin to cure a headache.
Cutaway Scene:
Peter stumbled into the kitchen. "Shit! This headache! Why don't it go away!" Peter eyes a bottle of aspirin. "I know! I'll take 72 aspirin! Opie told me about it!" Swallowing 72 asprin with water whole, Peter says, "Down the hatch!" The aspirin get stuck in his throat as Peter struggles to swallow, Then Peter pounds his chest with his fist. All the 72 aspirin slid out of his windpipe and into his stomach making a bombing sound. "Ahhh. That's better!" Peter walks out of the kitchen and begins to twitch and foam at the mouth. "Opie told me this would work! Why isn't it working! What's happening to MMMEEE!!!!"
*
Everybody in the audience left to go back home. Lois, Meg, Chris, Stewie, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire all walk off the stage. "Since you didn't read the fine print in the contract you signed to rent this place. The telethon was supposed to last 24 hours." said Lois. "Okay fine! Leave! Everybody leave! I can do this myself! I'm a smart guy I'll figure something out!" Peter yells back at everybody. Brian says, "Smart guy?" Stewie added, "Yeah, sure you are!" Tom Tucker walks on the stage. "Okay, Peter. Time's up. I need my studio back now!"
Peter hits Tom over the head with a sandbag. "NO!" Then Peter goes over to the camera. "Hey, I'm Peter Griffin. Sorry if you all thought this was going to be a 24 hour Telethon. Actually, it's really a 72 hour one. Everyone else went back home, so I will take over from here on out! First up, let's have some more comedy!"
Taking out The Great Gatsby from his pants pocket, Peter says, "Now I will read The Great Gatsby in Latka Gravas's voice. He was my favorite character in Taxi! Now, without further ado, I'm going to read......the whole thing!"
Peter proceeds to read the book in the voice of Latka Gravas. While Peter was trying to keep the Telethon going on his own. Lois got the money from the telethon and used it to re-open Music, Mugs, and More. "Good. Now let's try to get Peter back!" said Lois.
61 hours into Peter's Telethon has passed by. Peter was doing Ace Ventura ass talking impressions into the camera in hopes of getting people to come back or at least stay interested. "GOT A MINT? ASSHOLE-LA-MIO!!!!!" Bonnie walks in. "Uh, Peter. It's over. It ended. Time to stop this now."
"Bonnie, what are you doing here?" asked Peter. "Lois sent me. To talk some sense into you. It'sgood to be away from Joe for a while." said Bonnie. "Well, Bonnie. You're in the right place at the right time. Why not sing a song into the camera? Just until I get $35,000 dollars." persuded Peter. "If you say so." said Bonnie. "Pick any song you want to sing." said Peter.
"I choose. Old Man River. I used to sing it when I was an exotic dancer." said Bonnie. "Take it away, Bonnie!" said Peter.
Bonnie sings, "Old Man River! That Old Man River! Ho Don't Say Nothing! He Must Know Something! Cause He Just Keeps On Rolling! He Keeps Rolling Along! Rollin' Along.."
Peter was intruiged at the way Bonnie sang the song, "How beautiful! So beautiful! Like a tempress! So seductive! It's like a siren or an angel singing!"
Bonnie sings more, "He Keeps On Rolling Along! You and Me We Sweat and Strain! Body All Aching...and......" Bonnie stops singing and forgets the rest of the lyrics, "That's all I remember from it!"
Peter claps for her with tears in his eyes, "That's Bonnie Swanson everybody! Next up....." "What? You're still contining this?" asked Bonnie. "Of course I am! I'll stop when I get $35,000!" Peter answers her.
Bonnie calls Lois and Brian who were in the other room. Lois and Brian enter. "Time to stop this nonsense now, Peter!" Lois said. "You guys were here this whole time?" asked Peter. "It was the only way to stop you from going on with this telethon! Why else do you think we sent Bonnie?" said Brian.
"Yes, they were in the other room, if you didn't stop I was going to call them. We're worried about you, Peter." said Bonnie. "I'm not budging! You're not the complete boss of me!" Peter said.
Lois explains, "When you decided to extend this telethon to 72 hours. I had taken the $25,000 and got Music, Mugs, and More re-opened." "She's right she did. People have forgotten about the telethon and went back to their normal everyday lives." said Brian.
"It's true, people stopped watching your telethon 10 hours ago." Bonnie joins in. "Ratings began to plummet when everyone else left and decided to do this on your own." said Brian. "So please Peter. Will you stop this nonsense? Music, Mugs, and More is up and running again. Come back home, Peter. The kids miss you." said Lois. "You can go back to buying CDs now and stop ranting and raving about the cost of music APPs." Brian tells Peter.
"Wrong answer! I've decided to stay! You know how hard headed I could be....." Peter protested. "Bonnie, sing that song again!" Lois tells Bonnie.
Bonnie sings once more to lure Peter to stop the Telethon, "Old Man River! That Old Man River! Ho Don't Say Nothing! He Must Know Something! Cause He Just Keeps On Rolling! He Keeps Rolling Along! Rollin' Along.."
Peter gets up from his chair and follows Bonnie as though he were in a trance. "So beautiful. How wonderful. So beautiful! So beautiful!" Bonnie kept singing Old Man River as Brian, Lois, Bonnie, and Peter all exited the Channel 5 Studio. Tom Tucker came to from being conked on the head. He begins to run around happily that he got his news studio back.
"HIP! HIP! HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! I got my news station back! SSSSSOOOOO HHHHAAAAPPPPPPPPYYYYYY!" Tom Tucker pranced around.
Joyce Kinney walks in, "You're in a chipper mood, Tom!" "Yes I am! Come on, Joyce!" said Tom Tucker who jumped onto his desk, "We got some news reports to tell!"
"Count me in!" Joyce Kinney said. Music, Mugs, and More business has been striving since it's grand re-opening thanks to Peter's Telethon. Peter never uses Music APPs again, and soon others followed his example. Peter went back to listening to music on CDs. Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire even decide to do the same.
The End
The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!
Family Guy Presents
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Variety Show Telethon.
Unable to meet at their usual hot spot The Drunken Clam. Which was being sterilized after a roach problem Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were meeting at an internet cafe in the Quahog Mall.
"Ahhh, the Internet Cafe. A place where hipsters come to drink their coffee." Peter said sighing. "Wish the Clam would get that sterilization thing done! How long does it take?" asks Joe. "Why doesn't this internet cafe allow alcohol? At least let us have that!" asked Quagmire. "We should be thankful that this is the only place where we can meet for now." Cleveland tells them. "Guess you're right. This'll piece of shit place will have to do for now anyway." said Peter.
The hipsters surrounding the internet cafe were talking about issues such as defunding the police. Black Lives Matter. Virtue signaling. Legalizing Pot, Viral videos on TikTok. Or what the latest celebrity was doing. Peter sighs in disgust. "Can't stand to listen to these sons of bitches much longer!"
"Look on the bright side, it's Friday, right." asks Quagmire. "You know what that means." said Joe. "Cheesy cartoons on Youtube day?" asked Peter gleefully. "Nope, music APPs day! Everyone pull up your Spotify or Pandora." announces Cleveland.
"Awesome! Let's scare away these hipsters by playing something from AC|DC! Preferably, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap!" Peter said. As Joe, Cleveland, Quagmire, and Peter were hooking up their iphones to the wifi. The four of them went on the Pandora APP. Just as Peter was about to go on his, he gets a notice stating, "Pay $500 for An Update." "What the hell!" Peter spouts. "What just happened, Peter?" asked Cleveland. "It says here I have to pay $500 for an upgrade on my Pandora APP!" Peter tells his friends.
Quagmire reaches over to Peter's iphone, "Here let me see. It probably just says $5.00!" Quagmire sees how much Peter has to pay, even he could not believe it. Handing Peter back his iphone, Quagmire clarifies, "Woah, this isn't so very giggity if you ask me."
"Do you have a bank account? Just pay for it through that." suggests Joe. "We could do another heist where we rob Carter. You know, your rich father in law?" said Cleveland. Deciding to take a stand, Peter says, "NO! If I have to pay that much to get an update on my music app. Then to hell with it!" "What do you intend to do?" ask Joe. "Start a protest group against apps! You're already surrounded by hipsters, why not get them to join you for your cause?" said Quagmire.
"Never! I shall not degrade myself like that! I am going back to CDs!" vows Peter. "Music stores are a dying breed, good luck trying to find one in ths age of APPS." said Cleveland. "There's a music store across the street at the mall. I'm going there and buying a bunch of CDs! I'm outta here!" Peter storms off in anger.
"Wow. I've never seen Peter act out this badly since he made to do a remake of Rebel Set!" said Joe
Cutaway Scene:
Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were dressed like policemen. As they were taking money out of a van and putting it into their car. The four of them had tied up some policemen who tried to stop them. "A little assitance, gentlemen!" Joe calls to Quagmire and Cleveland who ran away from the tied up policemen to help Joe and Peter put more monet into the car. A siren is heard from far away. Peter begins to freak out, "IS THAT US!" "Quick let's move!" screams Cleveland as they put the remainder of the money in their car.
Running across the street to get to the Quahog Mall. Peter finds the music store. Which was called Music, Mugs, and More. Much to his sorrow, before upon entering, Peter sees Music, Mugs, and More was closing down. "What's going on here?" asks Peter. A man at the front desk tells him, "We're going out of business. What does it look like?" "I knew that. You know what? I'm going to put this place back in business!" said Peter. The man cynically scoffs, "Dream on dumbass! I'm for one am glad this place is closing. Hated working here anyway! Now I can go to my dream job! Moving to Denver and opening my own weed store!"
Peter says, "Could it be you're losing everything to those stupid ass APPs that you have to pay money for, right?" "You're catching on there." said the man.
"Music stores should not be closing down all because people prefer to listen to music on those APPs!" said Peter taking a last look around Music, Mugs, and More.
At the Griffin House. Peter calls a Family Meeting. "I'm the one who calls the family meetings, Peter." said Lois. "Mind telling us what this is all about?" asked Brian. "My favorite music store in the mall Music, Mugs, and More is closing......" said Peter pacing back and forth. "Yes we know. That place was shutting down for quite some time now." Brian said. "I blame one thing for it! Those stupid retarded ass music APPs!" said Peter. "What's wrong with music apps, Dad?" asked Chris.
"Glad you asked there, Chris. Music APPs always need upgrades and therefore gives you these notices that you need to pay over $300 or more!" said Peter who then added on, "Then it's $400...$500.....$600..." "How much do you want to pay for the app, asshole!" Brian steams at Peter. "YOU'VE GOT TO SSSTTTOOOPP!!" screams Peter. Stewie said, "BLAST! That's so loud! What is his problem with APPs! I rather like them! I listen to Anne Murray on Music Apps!" Peter then goes onto say, "These music APPs! They're taking away my money! So that's why I need you, my family to come up with an idea for to get Music, Mugs, and More to go back in the saddle again!"
"What are we supposed to do about it?" asked Meg. "Stay out of this, Meg! We don't need you!" shouted Peter. Lois says, "All right kids, your father wants us to think of something we can do to raise money to keep the Music Store he likes."
"Can't come up with anything..." said Chris. "Well, it's going to take time. We need to do something big that can hold everybody's attention." Brian said. "I know. A fundraiser? Charity event? A benefit dinner, nah. A picnic. Nah. A blood drive is always good." said Lois. "Not good enough. Try again." said Peter. Stewie said, "A bake sale! So I can sell my delicious sweets!" "Those delicious sweets of yours you bought at the Swedish Bakery." said Brian.
Chris then gets a thought, "What's that one thing called that Jerry Lewis used to do? Every Labor Day." Pointing to Chris, "A-ha! Looks like you're onto something there Chris. I do know what you're talking about. It's called a telethon!"
Lois agrees, "That's wonderful Peter. A telethon! We can see if Channel 5 will let us use their studio for one." Brian said knowing Peter always conducts schemes that gives the impression that Peter was only out for himself, "Are you doing this for yourself?" "Absolutely not. I'm doing this for everyone and anyone who is fed up with those money grabbing APPs just like I am!" Peter announces.
"Well," said Lois, "This could be something fun we can all do together!" "You're right, Lois. We should get the whole town in on it too!" Peter said.
The Griffins all get into their car, whereas Brian and Stewie drive in his Prius to drive to the Channel 5 studio.
Brian was driving as he tells Stewie, "Peter sure gets motivated when he's extremely upset about someting, doesn't he?" Stewie said, "Yes, you're telling me. Like how we were determined to drown out Peter's vomiting while trying to turn up the volume while we were watching Morons From Outer Space."
Cutaway Scene:
Brian and Stewie were sitting on the couch. Peter was in the bathroom vomiting after a drunken night out. Brian and Stewie were watching Morons From Outer Space during the scene where an alien was on a piano playing The Entertainer. Getting annoyed by Peter's vomiting, Brian and Stewie turn the volume up full blast while the song was playing, as Peter's vomiting kept growing louder and louder. "TURN DOWN THAT FUCKING SONG! I'M TRYING TO THROW UP IN HERE!" Peter yells. "Too damned bad, fatman!" Stewie said solemnly.
*
At the Channel 5 studios. The Griffins were talking to Tom Tucker about using the studio for Peter's telethon. "Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker. Our top story today, a local family wants to use this studio for a telethon!"
"For God's Sake! You don't have to introduce yourself like that." said Lois. "Oh, sorry. I just got so used to saying that all these years. What do you have in mind for a telethon?" asked Tom Tucker.
"To raise money to save a failing music store in the mall." said Peter. "The reason being is that he's so fed up with having to pay for music apps. Hopefully he thinks others will join in on this as well." said Brian.
"The studio is yours. I'll just have to get permission and approval from the owner of the channel." said Tom Tucker who walks off. "This telethon is going to be the best thing ever! We'll have musical numbers, comedy sketches and whole shebang!" said Peter with excitement.
"This is exactly something that you would do!" said Brian. As they were waiting for Tom Tucker to get back, the Griffins sit on the couch. A clock above them begins to move very fast indicating how long they had to wait.
Five hours later.
The Griffins had drifted fast asleep upon waiting for approval for Peter to get his telethon. Tom Tucker walks in to see that the Griffins were all dozing off. "Uh, Griffin family? Hello? Say something!" Tom Tucker trying to get their attention. Unable to wake them up, Tom Tucker gets a megaphone and yells into it, "EXCUSE ME!"
Waking up all at the same time, Peter said, "Oh, sorry. Got so bored waiting so we all fell asleep." "Did you get approval for Peter's telethon?" asked Lois. Tom Tucker announces, "Just got back with my supervisor and the person in charge of Channel 5 studios."
"And..." Peter asks. "Congratulations! You have been approved for the telethon! Knock 'em dead out there, Mr. Griffin!" Tom Tuckers gets out a clipboard and tells Peter, "Just sign on the dotted line and the studio is yours! But only for 24 hours!" Peter signs the contract.
All the Griffins cheer as they were ecstatic for Peter getting his telethon. "Wow, Peter! You got what you wished for! That's gotta make you feel great!" Brian said. "Way to go, Dad! When kids in school ask me who's hosting the telethon, I'll just tell them. Hey look everybody! That's my Dad up there!" Chris cheers. "We love you, Dad!" said Meg but her complement was ignored.
"This is the most proudest moment in my life!" Peter said. Stewie says, "Hmmm, thought the proudest moment of Peter's life was when he had Meg volunteer to be a part of a Circus Act!"
Cutaway Scene:
The Griffins were inside a circus tent watching an act called the Chinese Stick People. Their leader calls out to the audience. "We want volunteer for act!" "Why do you want to do that?" asked Peter. "So we could see how strong brains and heads are." said the leader of the Chinese Stick People holding out a wooden stick. Chris grabs Meg's arm and points it in the air.
"Here's a volunteer!" "Freaking sweet, Chris! Take this girl!" Peter points at Meg as he throws her out of hte audience and into the circus ring with the Chinese Stick People. Meg screams. She soon finds herself being circled around by ther Chinese Stick People who all bash her head in with wooden sticks. Peter says with tears in his eyes, "She sure knows how to make a father proud!"
Night had turned into day. Everybody in Quahog all pitched in to work for Peter's telethon. Which had taken place at the Channel Five Studio. Quaghog citizens such as Bonnie, Mort, Seamus, Dr. Hartman, Principal Shepard, Joyce Kinney, Ollie Williams, Tricia Takanowa were all taking phone calls. Everybody else in Quahog expect for Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland, Meg, Chris, Stewie, Lois, and Brian were in the audience.
The guest of honor, Peter Griffin soon took center stage. Joe's voice was heard over a mircophone in the background. "Welcome residents of Quahog! You are all witnessing the first annual Peter Griffin Telethon. Here our goal to is raise money to save a failing Music Store, Music, Mugs, and More. So without further ado. Here is the man, himself, Peter Griffin!"
The audience erupts in clapping and cheers as Peter was on the stage. "For those of you who don't know me. I'm Peter Griffin. Glad you all could make it here. Welcome to The Variety Show Telethon. I started this telethon because I hate to pay for expensive upgrades on music APPs and I want to go back to CDs! I'm doing this, not just for myself. But for anyone here who is as pissed off as I am with that 'pay to upgrade a music APP bullshit'". We got a great show here for you all. We have musical numbers, comedy sketches, magic acts, and anything else anyone could ever ask for. First up, we have Herbert dancing with Chris and Stewie as they are going to perform Fixing A Hole. A song from the Beatles Sgt Pepper album which later became a bad movie. Hit it!"
Herbert was playing a guitar as Chris and Stewie were dancing beside him. Herbert soon sang the song, "I'm Fixing A Hole! Where The Rain Gets In! And Stops My Mind From Wandering. Where It Will Go...." As Herbert, Chris and Stewie were doing the musical number, Peter looks at the audience with a funny look on his face.
"I'm Filling The Cracks That Ran Through The Door. And Kept My Mind From Wandering! Where It Will Go...." Herbert continues to sing. "It Really Doesn't Matter if I'm Wrong Or Right......" Chris and Stewie soon join along and sing the lyrics.
In a matter of seconds, Herbert's, Chris's and Stewie's act comes to an end, and everyone in the audience claps for them. Lois comes out on the stage, "Great news, Peter!" "What is this news you bring forth my wife?" asked Peter. "We already raised $5000!" Lois said happily. "$5000! That's almost near our goal of $30,000!" The audience cheers for Peter who was pointing to a money meter that looked like a themometer. "Well, we're just getting started here! Next up, here's Brian and Stewie doing a 5 minute interview! Lights, camera, and action!" Peter said.
Peter leaves the stage, and Brian and Stewie brought out chairs so they can sit on.
"Greetings my friends. I am Stewie Griffin. And here we present to you the 5 minute interview! My guest today is Brian Griffin." Stewie tells the audience as the clapped.
Quagmire sees Brian and rolls his eyes, "I already don't like where this is going."
"It is a pleasure to be interviewed by you, Stewie." Brian tells the baby.
"Oh my yes. So, Brian. In your own words. What is the best book you have ever written?" asked Stewie.
Brian said, "Well, I guess it could be Wish It, Want It Do It. That really caught on faster than I thought it would."
"I see. How did Faster Than The Speed Of Love work out for you?" asked Stewie.
"Gotta admit, at first. It was panned by critics, then evenutally, people actually started to warm up to it over the years." Brian said.
"Okay, all right. Was it true because of it getting such negative criticism. Do you think it was because you ripped off the movie Iron Eagle?" Stewie asks.
Brian laughs wholeheartedly. "Oh no. That's not true in the least. Faster Than The Speed of Love was an idea all my very own."
Stewie said, "Whatever you say. Now answer me this. Why are you such a dick head?"
Brian grows mad and offended, "Shut up!" Stewie challanges the dog, "Make me!"
Trying to stand up for himself Brian shouts at Stewie, "If I knew I was going to be insulted and accused of plagarism, I never would've agreed to do this."
Stewie gets in Brian's face, "You're forgetting something. This is my interview. I can do whatever I want with it!"
Suddenly the actor Jon Cryer appears. "Don't worry, Brian! I liked your books!"
Brian and Stewie both yell, "What the fuck are you doing here?" "I'm Jon Cryer! From the movie Hiding Out and the show Two And A Half Men!"
Stewie shows Jon Cryer the exit, "We know who you are! Now here's the exit. Go out it and never come back!"
Brian calls out, "Go back to the set of Superman 4 The Quest For Peace! Don't let the door hit you in the ass!" Stewie threw our Jon Cryer and slammed the exit door as he yelped. Brian laughed.
Stewie then look at his watch, "Well, looks like times up! It was a 5 minute interview after all! Thank you for joining us! Join us again next time when I interview Robin William's ghost!"
Brian and Stewie took a bow as the audience claps for them. All expect Quagmire who cannot stand the sight or be in the same room as Brian Griffin. Joe over the microphone says, "Brian Griffin is a best selling author! A playright. A scholar! Brian Griffin lives in Minnepolis with his wife and four children! JUST KIDDING! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! I crack myself up. Thought I'd throw in a little humor there!"
Quagmire stated, "Well. That was five minutes of my life that I'll never get back!"
*
Ten hours went by. Peter's Telethon was still going strong. Running back to the stage. Peter Griffin announces another act. "Our announcer, Joe Swanson himself. Is going to be weightlifting! Take it away, Joe!"
Wheeling himself on stage. Joe Swanson goes to where the lifting bar was. Showing off his muscles and grunting, Joe readies himself for some weightlifting. A drumroll plays in the background. Grabbing the lifting bar, Joe uses every ounce of his strength to lift the lifting bar. Slowly and surely Joe lifts the lifting bar little by little. As luck would have it, Joe lifts the lifting bar over his head and roars victoriously.
"YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" The audience goes wild as they were impressed with the way Joe lifted that lifting bar.
Joe then found himself being flung to the ceiling. What nobody knew was there were magnets hidden on top of the ceiling. "WWWWOOOOOAAAAHHH!" Joe screamed feeling shocked that he was being lifted with the lifting bar onto the ceiling. "GET ME DOWN! GET ME DOWN! GET ME DOWN! What is this? A Crazy Glue commercial!" Joe demanded to be helped down from the magnets that were holding him and the lifting bar to the ceiling. The audience claps as Peter enters the stage again.
"Joe Swason everybody! Joe Swanson! Let's all give him a big hand! Lois, how much money did we raise?" asked Peter. Lois goes over to the money meter and presses a button. Lots of numbers multiply on the counter until it stopped at $15,000. "Wow! We're halfway there, Peter! $15,000!" Lois cheers. "All right! $15,000! Keep those contributions coming, Quahogians!" Peter says to the audience as they clap spontatiously for him. "GET ME DOWN!" Joe screams then he loses his grip from the lifting bar and falls back onto his wheelchair. Joe was okay as he wheeled off the stage. "Last time I do that!"
Mort calls out from the audience, "Do you have another act for us, Peter?" "You bet I do. Unfortunately, it's going to be a lackluster one. Here is Meg Griffin," Peter sighs as he rolls his eyes, "Doing a Liberty Mutual Insurance Commercial, take it away.....Meg."
Meg took the stage and began to perform. "As a struggling actor......uhh...line....." "As a struggling actor. I need all the help I can get. At Liberty Mutual they costumize your car.....uhh....line!" "Uhhh, Liberty Mutual......" "We costumize your......uh....what's the line again!" The audience was getting fed up with Meg's act and begins to boo her as they pelted her with tomatoes. Meg still continues, "Liberty Mutual costumizes your car insurance so you can pay for..... uhhh......line again..."
Backstage, Brian and Stewie get a cane. "You ready for this, Brian?" "Wouldn't you know it, Stewie." Brian and Stewie extend the cane in Meg's direction as they use the cane to pull Meg off the stage as she screams about being taken away by the cane. The audience clapped because they were happy that they didn't have to see Meg perform anymore. Peter comes back to the stage. "If that wasn't a shitty performace I don't know what was!"
Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire join Peter on stage and they all high five each other. "Way to pull a fast one on Meg, there, Peter!" said Cleveland. "I know! That was the fastest act ever!" said Joe. "We just wanted an excuse to make Meg look like a dumb bitch." snickered Quagmire. "Exactly." said Peter who then says, "Just like when Danny McGrath killed Billy Madison."
Cutaway Scene:
Billy Madison hears a knock at his door. He goes to answer it and it was someone he bullied in high school. Danny McGrath.
"Oh, hey, Danny. Glad you to see you again." said Billy. "Yes I am too." said Danny. "Thanks for accepting my phone call apology." said Billy. "Think nothing of it." said Danny. Hey, listen. Now that you're here you want to grab a coffee or something?" asked Billy. "Sure, but just one more thing, Billy." said Danny who had a gun behind his back. "Okay, what is it?" asks Billy. Danny pulled a gun on Billy Madison and shot him right between the eyes until Billy died on the doorstep. "HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Gotcha asshole! You have no idea how long I've waited to do this! Be careful who you make fun of in high school, you fucking son of a bitch!" Danny cackles insanely.
Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire leave the stage. "We have something even better now." said Peter. "My wife Lois will play the part of Sonya Blade and Quagmire will be Kano. In this skit play they are going to reeanct a scene from the 1995 Mortal Kombat movie! Lois, Quagmire! Take it away!" Peter said leaving the stage. Lois and Quagmire soon take their places on stage. Lois was dressed as Sonya Blade. Quagmire was dressed as Kano. The men in the audience were whooping for Lois.
Punching and kicking the air, Lois was getting into character. Quagmire comes out on the stage to join Lois and blows a kiss at her and laughs, "Hello baby! Did you miss me?" Lois glares as Quagmire in a tough way, as she walks up to Quagmire as he does the same. Quagmire takes out a knife and shows it to Lois, "Look at this. This litle baby brings back memories, doesn't it!" chuckles Quagmire. Lois tells him, "What? You used it to knife your mother in the back?" Quagmire said, "But it put a big smile on your partner from ear to ear! heh heh! Giggity! Giggity!"
Lois and Quagmire fought each other in the same fashion as the scene in the movie. Of course it was all played for fake. Cheers and whoops were heard in the audience. Some even did The Wave. Lois 'finishes' off Quagmire by doing a handstand and pretended to strangle him with her legs. Quagmire pretends to die and Lois 'wins' the match. "Lets all give a big hand to Lois and Quagmire!" Peter said.
The Telethon had reached it's second day and it's 23rd hour. Peter tells Lois, "Check our money meter!" Lois checks the money meter, the number multiply once more, and it was now at $25,000! "Woah! Holy Freaking Sweet! $25,000! Music, Mugs, and More prepare to be open for many more years to come! Music Apps can go fuck themselves!" The audience cheers again. Lois asks, "Shall we do another skit?" "Indeed we shall, Lois! Next up, Cleveland and Donna will play out the Johnny Cab scene from Total Recall! Get on out here!"
Cleveland and Donna take the stage. Cleveland was playing Douglas Quaid. Donna was Lori Quaid. Cleveland lements to himself, "Why did we get picked last to do a skit play? It's not because we're black is it?" Donna assures him, "It don't matter. Let's just have fun with this."
A cardboard cutout of a car comes their way. Inside there was a puppet that resembled Johnny Cab. Going inside the cardboard car, Cleveland and Donna hear some whistling. "Where are we?" asked Cleveland. The puppet responds, "You're in a Johnny Cab." "What are we doing here?" asked Donna. Johnny Cab puppet says, "I'm sorry, can you resphrase what you just said?" "How did we get in this taxi?" asked Cleveland. "Actually you're not in it. Hell of a day isn't it?" asked the Johnny Cab puppet.
Cleveland and Donna get out of the cardboard box and get into another 'Johnny Cab' They were acting like they were being chased. "DRIVE! DRIVE!" yelled Donna. "Can you repeat the destination?" asked the Johnny Cab puppet. "Go anywhere, just go!!" shouted Cleveland. "You need to repeat your destination!" said the Johnny Cab puppet. "SHIT!" shouted both Donna and Cleveland. "Please state where Shit is!" said the Johnny Cab Puppet. The audience cracked up in laughter. As the skit play was about to advance, the 24th hour of the Telethon had arrived.
*
Lois takes the stage, "$25,000. That ought to be enough to reopen Music, Mugs, and More, am I right! You've all been a great audience and...." Peter cuts Lois off at the pass. "NO! NO! We need to keep this going." "What? Why? Telethons are supposed to last 24 hours." said Lois. Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire side with her, "She's right, Peter. $25,000 sounds good enough. It's been fun but I want to return to my life regular life." said Joe. "I agree. We all did our part now it's time to call it quits." said Cleveland. Peter says, "We never reached our goal of $35,000!" "That is like you, isn't it, Peter? Always wanting more." snapped Quagmire.
"Hey, this is my Telethon! I can do whatever I want with it! We're extending it to 72 hours! We won't stop! Not until we get $35,000!" Peter snaps back.
Brian said, "Looks like we'll be stuck here a while." Stewie adds, "Why is Peter so obsessed with the number 72? Like when he took 72 aspirin to cure a headache.
Cutaway Scene:
Peter stumbled into the kitchen. "Shit! This headache! Why don't it go away!" Peter eyes a bottle of aspirin. "I know! I'll take 72 aspirin! Opie told me about it!" Swallowing 72 asprin with water whole, Peter says, "Down the hatch!" The aspirin get stuck in his throat as Peter struggles to swallow, Then Peter pounds his chest with his fist. All the 72 aspirin slid out of his windpipe and into his stomach making a bombing sound. "Ahhh. That's better!" Peter walks out of the kitchen and begins to twitch and foam at the mouth. "Opie told me this would work! Why isn't it working! What's happening to MMMEEE!!!!"
*
Everybody in the audience left to go back home. Lois, Meg, Chris, Stewie, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire all walk off the stage. "Since you didn't read the fine print in the contract you signed to rent this place. The telethon was supposed to last 24 hours." said Lois. "Okay fine! Leave! Everybody leave! I can do this myself! I'm a smart guy I'll figure something out!" Peter yells back at everybody. Brian says, "Smart guy?" Stewie added, "Yeah, sure you are!" Tom Tucker walks on the stage. "Okay, Peter. Time's up. I need my studio back now!"
Peter hits Tom over the head with a sandbag. "NO!" Then Peter goes over to the camera. "Hey, I'm Peter Griffin. Sorry if you all thought this was going to be a 24 hour Telethon. Actually, it's really a 72 hour one. Everyone else went back home, so I will take over from here on out! First up, let's have some more comedy!"
Taking out The Great Gatsby from his pants pocket, Peter says, "Now I will read The Great Gatsby in Latka Gravas's voice. He was my favorite character in Taxi! Now, without further ado, I'm going to read......the whole thing!"
Peter proceeds to read the book in the voice of Latka Gravas. While Peter was trying to keep the Telethon going on his own. Lois got the money from the telethon and used it to re-open Music, Mugs, and More. "Good. Now let's try to get Peter back!" said Lois.
61 hours into Peter's Telethon has passed by. Peter was doing Ace Ventura ass talking impressions into the camera in hopes of getting people to come back or at least stay interested. "GOT A MINT? ASSHOLE-LA-MIO!!!!!" Bonnie walks in. "Uh, Peter. It's over. It ended. Time to stop this now."
"Bonnie, what are you doing here?" asked Peter. "Lois sent me. To talk some sense into you. It'sgood to be away from Joe for a while." said Bonnie. "Well, Bonnie. You're in the right place at the right time. Why not sing a song into the camera? Just until I get $35,000 dollars." persuded Peter. "If you say so." said Bonnie. "Pick any song you want to sing." said Peter.
"I choose. Old Man River. I used to sing it when I was an exotic dancer." said Bonnie. "Take it away, Bonnie!" said Peter.
Bonnie sings, "Old Man River! That Old Man River! Ho Don't Say Nothing! He Must Know Something! Cause He Just Keeps On Rolling! He Keeps Rolling Along! Rollin' Along.."
Peter was intruiged at the way Bonnie sang the song, "How beautiful! So beautiful! Like a tempress! So seductive! It's like a siren or an angel singing!"
Bonnie sings more, "He Keeps On Rolling Along! You and Me We Sweat and Strain! Body All Aching...and......" Bonnie stops singing and forgets the rest of the lyrics, "That's all I remember from it!"
Peter claps for her with tears in his eyes, "That's Bonnie Swanson everybody! Next up....." "What? You're still contining this?" asked Bonnie. "Of course I am! I'll stop when I get $35,000!" Peter answers her.
Bonnie calls Lois and Brian who were in the other room. Lois and Brian enter. "Time to stop this nonsense now, Peter!" Lois said. "You guys were here this whole time?" asked Peter. "It was the only way to stop you from going on with this telethon! Why else do you think we sent Bonnie?" said Brian.
"Yes, they were in the other room, if you didn't stop I was going to call them. We're worried about you, Peter." said Bonnie. "I'm not budging! You're not the complete boss of me!" Peter said.
Lois explains, "When you decided to extend this telethon to 72 hours. I had taken the $25,000 and got Music, Mugs, and More re-opened." "She's right she did. People have forgotten about the telethon and went back to their normal everyday lives." said Brian.
"It's true, people stopped watching your telethon 10 hours ago." Bonnie joins in. "Ratings began to plummet when everyone else left and decided to do this on your own." said Brian. "So please Peter. Will you stop this nonsense? Music, Mugs, and More is up and running again. Come back home, Peter. The kids miss you." said Lois. "You can go back to buying CDs now and stop ranting and raving about the cost of music APPs." Brian tells Peter.
"Wrong answer! I've decided to stay! You know how hard headed I could be....." Peter protested. "Bonnie, sing that song again!" Lois tells Bonnie.
Bonnie sings once more to lure Peter to stop the Telethon, "Old Man River! That Old Man River! Ho Don't Say Nothing! He Must Know Something! Cause He Just Keeps On Rolling! He Keeps Rolling Along! Rollin' Along.."
Peter gets up from his chair and follows Bonnie as though he were in a trance. "So beautiful. How wonderful. So beautiful! So beautiful!" Bonnie kept singing Old Man River as Brian, Lois, Bonnie, and Peter all exited the Channel 5 Studio. Tom Tucker came to from being conked on the head. He begins to run around happily that he got his news studio back.
"HIP! HIP! HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! I got my news station back! SSSSSOOOOO HHHHAAAAPPPPPPPPYYYYYY!" Tom Tucker pranced around.
Joyce Kinney walks in, "You're in a chipper mood, Tom!" "Yes I am! Come on, Joyce!" said Tom Tucker who jumped onto his desk, "We got some news reports to tell!"
"Count me in!" Joyce Kinney said. Music, Mugs, and More business has been striving since it's grand re-opening thanks to Peter's Telethon. Peter never uses Music APPs again, and soon others followed his example. Peter went back to listening to music on CDs. Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire even decide to do the same.
The End
The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!
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