Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Different Names for the Same Thing

Chapter 12.

by howshesews 0 reviews


Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: R - Genres: Humor, Romance - Published: 2006-09-24 - Updated: 2006-09-25 - 1431 words

Do you ever look back, and think, "Wow, there are a thousand different ways I could have handled that situation. Why did I choose this?"

That's the opposite of that's going through my head right now. I think, in time, I'll wonder what the hell I was thinking, but right now, with Pete over my shoulder reading every word, I'm going to tell you about how my afternoon unfolded, and then, like the good enemy I am, I'm going to let Patrick tell you his side of the story.

I should start by saying; it's been two weeks since I've been with you last. For some reason, my heart was too broken to update and I did the only thing I could do to keep my mind off of Patrick. I worked. I kept moving. Dirty recommended that I take some time off, but the only way my broken heart has any chance of healing, is for me too keep moving. I can't stop, because then I think about all the things that got to the point of needing to stay in motion. No one needs that. Pete says I'm right. He would know.

Essentially, I handled it the wrong way. That doesn't mean I regret it, though. It just means I lost something very important to me because it had to be my way or no way at all. I decided I needed to talk to Patrick. The only way I would ever feel better is if I talked to him; I had to know what was going on in his head. Maybe his hat is his secret.

Maybe if he takes it off, he'll be predictable. No. That's stupid. What the fuck would even make me suggest that? Probably my lack of sleep and loads of inventory. Anyway, this morning, I woke up bright and early, and proceeded to wake Patrick as well. Keep in mind that we hadn't talked to each other for two weeks. Hell, we'd barely faced each other. We're stupid.

"Hey. Patrick. Wake up. I need to talk to you." He put his pillow over his head.

"This is probably not the only time today that can happen. Go back to bed."

"I'm not going anywhere until you sit up and listen to me."

"Caroline I"-

"Ah HA! You miss me. You just called me Caroline. You're pining for me. Just say it. I'll feel better when you do." He just sort of laughed and scratched his head.

"I miss you, Caroline Jane. Happy?" I blushed.

"Just as happy as I was before. I already knew you missed me...before you said it."

"Is that what you needed to talk to me about? Because if it is, I'm really ready to go bac"-

"Get dressed." I threw a pair of pants at him and left.

"What?" He was obviously confused, because I was gone and he was still yelling. I peeked my head around the corner.

"Get. Dressed. Please and thank you." I smiled sarcastically, and left. I heard noise coming from Pete's bunk.

"Would you please leave or shut the hell up, or something?" I ruffled his hair.

"You're so fun in the morning."

"You're obnoxious." I laughed as a chorus of agreements came from the other bunks filled with not-so-sleeping pissed off boys. I walked outside, and waited for about 15 minutes. I was curious as to whether Patrick was going to actually come outside or not, and when I decided to go in and check, he walked out.

"Hi." I looked down. Why was I doing this, again?

"Hi. We need to talk." He looked like he was about to say something. I wouldn't let him. I couldn't let him. I knew that if he had any say in this whole thing, my mouth would be shut and his eyes would be closed, back in his warm bunk. Too bad.

"Don't say anything, because right now, I have something important to say, and I can't let you screw it up, or scare me off. This has to be said." He nodded. "For the past 2 months, we've been inseparable, minus the times where I've said something to scare you, or you've said something to scare you, or whatever. You've really become the closest person to me, and it's weird that I, Caroline Jane Daling, would even let that happen. Trust me when I say, that after Jake, you're lucky if I let you touch me with a ten foot pole. But all of a sudden, you were there, and all of a sudden, I wanted to know you. I needed to know you, and I wanted you to know me in return. It would be stupid of me to just let it go. This is rare for me, Patrick, and I'm not going to let it slip away. Please tell me you feel the same. I would rather have you as a friend to me, then nothing at all. Please tell me I'm worth it too." He stayed quiet. I think I'd sort of surprised him by being so indignant about the way I felt, but I really couldn't just let this go. He was the world to me. I was okay not being his, but I at least wanted to b a part of it.

"Caroline, I can't do this. The closer you get, the more I can't be without what we have. That's stupid. You said it yourself. Human nature is bullshit, and before it's all said and done, one of us is going to have let the other down. I wish I could make you see."

"So, basically, you're telling me, point blank, that I'm not worth it." He looked up immediately and started shaking his head.

"Caroline, you know better." I laughed.

"Oh, really? I'm curious as to how I would even begin to know better, because thus far, you've failed to let me know anything along the lines of what you just said. If I were worth it, the problems we have never would have happened."

"Do you see me as more than a friend?" Why does he always ask questions out of nowhere? Why does he always have to put me on the spot like this?

"Why the hell would it matter to you now?"

"If you're honest, it could change everything."

"Why would I tell you if my feelings for you were stronger than friendship when you really haven't shown me that my friendly feelings towards you mean anything? What would make me tell you that?" He sighed.

"I don't need this. I'm tired. I'm going back inside."

"Damnit, Patrick. What's it going to take?"

"To what, Caroline? To convince me that human nature hasn't gone to shit? You can't! No one can. Not even the girl I have more feelings for than anyone in the world." He looked a little like he didn't want me to know that.

"I feel the same way, and now that it's out in the open, how in the world do you expect us to just stay friends?" He threw his hands up in the air, began to say something, then stopped and put his hands in his pockets.

"I don't. I can't. I wouldn't ask that of you."

"What's wrong with me? Don't you trust the feelings I have for you? Don't you trust our friendship? Please say you do, because if you don't, I need to go home. You're the reason I'm still here. I'm not going to hold on to something that's making me do all of the work."

"It was nice working with you." I was defeated, and what's even more devastating, is that fact that he was too. I'd never seen him so upset or sad. I could tell every word he'd said had been the last thing he's ever wanted to say, but here he was, saying it way before the last thing he said.

"This isn't over." He smiled and looked at the sky.

"I won't let it be. Better yet, neither will you." And with those words, he went inside.

Patrick won't write anything in here, because he says it's all I do, and it's stupid. He also says I need to get packing. You guessed it, folks. I'm going home. Pete's sitting here, keys in hand, ready to drive me to the airport. Why is this happening this way?

Once again, I've lied to you. I regret everything about today. I wish my heart was unbreakable. Hah. Don't we all? Signing off.

Yeah, right. Like it's even close to being over.
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