FicWad

Pete needs to get the hell out of my apartment. The tour is obviously over, and Pete had a lovely week off that he decided to spend not in his lovely little hometown, but in the smog infested shithole I call my home, day in, and day out.

I'm not going to lie to you and say I don't enjoy his company. It's an understatement, even, to say it's better than being alone. He says he's got some sort of goofy surprise for me, but here in the city, nothing surprises you. I need to tell you all something, though, that no one but those of us reading this can know. Here's the secret: I'm not sad. Here's why: I overheard a conversation that I'm not supposed to have overheard. It, of course, involved Patrick.

The other party was Joe. Also Andy, but the most important things I heard were said by Patrick. God, bless him. As I was packing all of the stuff I had left in their bathroom about a month ago, I heard then talking in the bunk area of the bus. It seems a little open to be having a conversation like they were having, but I guess I don't care. As long as I heard it, right? Here's how it went down.

"Where is she going?" Joe was pissed. He's coming in tomorrow, by the way. Some sweet video game beatings are about to take place. It's going to be fucking insane. But really, my train of thought is not so steady.

"No. Why are you letting her go? I think that's what needs to be asked." Andy was double pissed. I love those boys.

"I can't deal with her, so it's kind of funny that you all think I can deal with you. So, fuck off. It's not like I want to be doing this." He tried to walk away, but Andy stopped him.

"Do you love her?"

"After two months, definitely not. But I could. If I give it anymore time than I already have, I most definitely could. And hearts will break all over the place if that happens. I'm just not reliable enough and she's been hurt too many times."

"Patrick, you're fucking stupid if you're the only person who can see she shouldn't be leaving."

"I probably see it more than you do, Joe, so shut the hell up. I just don't have the guts to tell her she's the only thing I ever think about and she's more worth it than I could ever let her know. She's leaving. We'll all forget. This will feel like it never happened."

"You're fucking stupid if you think you'll forget, too." That was Andy. If I wasn't supposed to be in hiding, I would have given him a high five.

"She's going home, guys. This will give me time to sort it out, and she'll have some thinking time too. Just let it go. If I can, you can. End of discussion."

"Good fucking luck. At least we know better." Joe walked away and Andy laughed. Patrick flipped them off and went outside. I left the bathroom, crying more than I think I ever have. I don't cry, guys, so really. These past few weeks have been weird for me.

Now, Pete is telling me to log off, and go to Muy Caliente with him. I guess coffee is good for you. I can't shake this bad feeling that something weird is about to happen. I don't know if it necessarily means something bad is going to happen, it just makes me feel like something....something...is going to happen. Coffee would do me good.



I'm back, bitches, and I can't help but say "I told you so." I must tell you, though. I've never been this terrified in my life. Pete made me get all dressed up because he said that after coffee, we were going to see a play. Obviously I wasn't thrilled since living in the city forces you to see a million and one plays in your lifetime. I've seen probably thirty all together. I wasn't so excited. Anyway, I got all primped and ready to go, and we went to Muy Caliente.

I had to go to the bathroom, so I immediately went there without looking at anything to the left, or more importantly, right of me, and instructed Pete to order. When I exited the bathroom, I saw Pete, sitting at a table, with three coffee cups placed in front of him, and another boy sitting across from him. It was the boy who broke my heart.

I didn't feel so well, so I turned around before either one of them noticed me and went back into the bathroom. Why? Why would Pete do that? He knew I wasn't ready to face Patrick. He probably knew it as well as I did, yet Patrick was here. And I was about to have to face him. All my brain could process at that point, was run. So I did. Down Avenue A, all the way back to my apartment.

And now, here I am, wondering what the hell is going to happen, because of course, Pete was given a key by me when he made his first trip to the city and came to my apartment. I believe me instructions were something along the lines of "Here. Whenever you need to hide out, or be alone. You're always welcome here." After that, he officially held the key to my apartment. What was I thinking when I did that? Oh my god. I hear the door. Of course, I'll update in the after math.


Pete's in here. I'm crying. He's making me type this out because he says I'll never know what's going on in my head if it doesn't somehow end up on paper. I told him that probably only works for him. Funny question, though. Has any one else noticed how, the further I get into this diary, the more serious it becomes? I must say, just for the record that this has never happened before. Usually the whole diary consists of me being sarcastic and obnoxious. Obviously, I know who to blame. Patrick and Pete were the ones coming into my apartment. Duh. No one else has a key, besides me. And Pete. I still can't get over how stupid I must have been that day to just hand over a key to my home. Why?

Well, although it seemed to me that it could only get better, It could obviously get worse. And, in regular dramatic fashion, it did. Patrick simply came here to tell me he has a girlfriend, and he doesn't want to hear from me anymore. He says it's not exactly him...I'll just elaborate.



"C.J., you can't hide from him forever." Pete was in my office leaning over my computer chair, while I had my face buried in my hands.

"You would be so surprised, Pete. I can hide from anything for a very long time. I hide fucking well." He laughed.

"Just talk to him. You'll never feel any resolve unless you do. For me?" How could I say no to that? Well, like this:

"Who even invited you here? I'm not talking to him." He grabbed my waist and threw me over his shoulder.

"You invited me here by way of a house key, and yes, you sure as hell are talking to him." He dropped me on my couch in the living room, and directly across from me, was the only thing that could break me. Patrick Stump.

"Caroline."

"My name is C.J."

"To me it's Caroline, because I know you like it so much."

"To me, you're dead. How much do you like that?"

"I'll deal." He smiled. He obviously thought I was kidding. "I came here, because I need to tell you something you're probably not going to like."

"Please explain to me how this is any different from the last 3 or 4 conversations we've had."

"It's not. Which is why I hate being here. Caroline-" He paused. "C.J. Basically, I need to tell you...that I have a girlfriend, and she's none too happy about all of the messages you leave or the e-mails I receive from you every once and awhile. She decided it would be better for us as a couple if we didn't talk anymore. I'm starting to think she might be right."

"Whatever you say." And with that, I left. And as far as I was concerned, I was never talking to him again. And once again, I heard a conversation I wasn't supposed to. Pete immediately stormed into the living room when I showed up in the office crying. He was pissed off as all get out. I was glad.

"What the hell is your problem, dude? She's not going to wait on you to stop dicking around. You know that, right? I haven't even met this new girl you've apparently got, but I can bet a million bucks she's not half the girl for you that C.J. is, and I'm sick and tired of you guys not just admitting how right you are for each other."

"You know what, Pete? Just let me live. Don't tell me you've never made mistakes. I'm making mine. Let me fucking live."

"You're my best friend Patrick, you know that. But she's perfect for you. What are you doing?" Pete was almost pleading with him now. Patrick sighed.

"I'm doing what I can to get by. Meg is waiting. See you later. Tell Caroline I'm really sorry."

"Alright. See you, Dude. I don't know if she'll believe me." I heard the door slam. Meg. What a stupid name. Not half as badass as Caroline. What the hell am I talking about? Anyway, I half to begin to conclude this journal. So, tomorrow, we edit, and Monday, we release. How sad Is this?





Note: Okay I lied, it is close to being over. What else could possibly happen?