FicWad

~Benji's POV~
This wasn't fair beyond words. Why me? As if my world wasn't screwed enough, this had to happen. Now i'm scared of my own twin! And I wanted to cry when Sophie hugged me and I pulled away. I'm just so scared. Every time someone touched me, all I got were flashbacks of what that sick fuck did to me. I couldn't look at Sophie. When she came into that hospital room, I swear I felt so much better. But then she hugged me and I remembered what I had done... with another man, and I couldn't look at her. She's my wife and even though it wasn't my fault, I had betrayed her. And when I saw that she was pregnant... I couldn't be a father. I was sick and dirty. I'd had sex with another man, forced or not. I couldn't talk to Tayala when Sophie phoned home. How could I talk to my daughter after what happened? She was so innocent and unknowing, and I, her father, had done something so beyond sinful. I wanted to die right then and not contaminate my family with the filth I'd become.
As I lay in my bunk, silently praying that God take my life, Sophie crawled in next to me and closed the curtains behind her.
"Benj." She said softly, keeping her distance and touching me. "Please talk to me."
"I can't." I choked wiping my tear stained face, my back to her.
"Look, I know you're angry at me, and God, Benji I'd be fucking pissed at me too. But I need you to talk to me and tell me that you're ok."
"But I'm not." I whispered. "I'm not ok; I'll never be ok again. I'm such a fucking piece of shit and filth; I can't ever face you again. Please leave."
"Benji, that's not true!" she exclaimed. "What happened is not your fault at all, you shouldn't feel that way."
"Sophie, I had some guy's dick shoved up my ass. Who knows what sick disease I have now. I don't deserve to live anymore. Now, please, I'm asking you, leave."
"I don't want to leave." She whispered. I grit my teeth and clutched my pillow. She wasn't doing this, I wasn't going to let her pity me.
"I don't care." I said stiffly. "I want you back home. We both know you're only here cuz you feel it's your responsibility. Don't do me any favors Sophie, I don't want sympathy, ok? I've been through enough lately; I don't need to hurt more."
"Benji, I'm pregnant..." she breathed.
"I've noticed." I mumbled. "Just go, ok? I got the message, when I get home, I'll sign every paper you want and we'll get the fucking divorce, happy? You got what you came for. Now if you don't mind, my life's in the shits and I want to mope about it, alone. God have mercy on my soul." I added lowly, pulling the blanket over my head.
Sophie hesitated before quietly leaving the bunk. A minute later, my blanket was yanked off and my body turned to face Joel.
"Leave me alone." I growled at my brother.
"What the fuck is your problem?" He said angrily. "Sophie just ran off crying, what'd you do?"
"Nothing, I gave her what she wanted." I said biting my lip. I hated myself all over again for making her crying.
"What did you say?"
"I told her we'll get the divorce when I get back."
Joel shook his head in disbelief. "You... She..." he sighed in frustration. "She's pregnant Benji."
"Joel, it was her own fucking idea!"
"So? You just hurt her so bad!"
"Stop fucking making her out to be the victim!"
"She is the victim!"
"Joel, she lied and didn't tell me she was pregnant. I was raped yesterday, my fucking life is falling apart, and she's the victim?"
"Benji, it's your fault she-"
I shot up in bed, clenching my fists to keep from hitting my brother. "Its' my fault!" I yelled. "I fucking know it's my fault. But you're my brother. You are supposed to help me and be here for me, and not side with her."
"Benji, I am here for you! Why the hell do you think I'm so pissed? Because I love you and I hate that you're making the biggest mistake of your life. Sophie's the best fucking thing to ever happen to you and I don't want you to lose her."
"It's because of Noah, isn't it?" I breathed.
"This has got nothing to do with Noah." He said stiffly.
"Yes it does. You're scared that Noah'll break up with you if Sophie breaks up with me. You're not doing this for me; it's to cover your own ass."
"Shut up Benji, that's not true!" he yelled. "I don't fucking care about that! Noah's not leaving me just cuz you broke her sister's heart. I'm fucking pissed at you cuz I love you. You're my twin brother and I'd give the world for you, and I just want to see you happy. And we both know that without Sophie, you'll never be happy again."
I choked and fell sobbing into my brother's arms. He hugged me and rubbed my back soothingly. I squeezed my eyes tight, shut out all memories of the previous night and just crying.
When did life get so hard?

*come on ppl! i want at leat 4 reviews so that i can post the next chap!