(#) DragonBard 2006-09-25Some elements of this chapter I found amusing. The Gringotts goblins being goblin/dwarf hybrids for example. Wasn't fond of the addition of handguns, and would have prefered a sword as Harry's magical weapon, but those are up to the author, and more a matter of taste than anything else. Changing Harry's first name, even though he mostly goes by his nickname was wrong I felt. Especially since you keep calling Harry by the name Tora without explaining why!
One thing I just rolled my eyes at was putting the 'three times per day' limit on the trident. Those kinds of things only exist in the games to keep play balance, so why use them when you don't have to?
Would have liked Harry to get Hedwig again, also the Ron-bashing will probably get old VERY quickly, so don't overdo it.
Now, what I 'really' didn't like was the whole scene in Ollivanders, for two reasons. First, Ollivander only uses unicorn hair, phoenix feather, and dragon heartstring, and that's it. If he's going to use anything else, they would have to be supplied by the person ordering the wand. Second, how in the world is Ollivander supposed to have pieces of three different Demon-Gods? Especially ones from an entirely different world? Use of any one of them should cost a literal fortune, and would probably count as an Artifact. All three, and... I don't even want to think about it. Not to mention the fact that using his trident as his wand is going to be problematic, especially in public.
Also, it's still reading more like Ax is the main character, rather than Harry. Be careful about that.
Also, Harry seems too cocky. He forgets that, while he's got a lot of experience in RPGs, and may know unique spells, he doesn't have the real world combat experience, and it may well get him killed.
- nice to see an update. So far the story is coming alone nicely. How big is this Trident, or it a dagger kind of think. Oh well, you haven't realy shown what harry can do yet with his magic and DnD. I look forward to finding out. Is he a Griffindor again? Oh well, nice to see Ron is protrayed correctly. How strictly are u following the socerers stone. Oh well, btw, how is this Tora person. Anyway, hope to see more soon, cheers.
- I like the start of the story, and how it is progressing, but just curious why you had Harry choose a retarius(trident and net) outfit? Wouldn't it be difficult for him to practice his transfiguration and charms with such a long weapon. He will probably have to be standing while performing all these.
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