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Enjoy this epic fanfic I wrote about Paradise PD!


Paradise PD

Fanfic Title:

Gone Henchman Gone

by: Trenton Sands


Scene 1:

It was a typical day for the town of Paradise. At the Paradise PD Police Station. Everyone reported for work. Punching in a time clock, one by one. Randall was already at his desk waiting for his cops to arrive.

Randall: They would be late for work, wouldn't they!

Stanley, Dusty, Gina, and Kevin all rushed in and look their seats at the tables.

Randall: Roll call! When I call your name, say here! Kevin Crawford!

Kevin: HERE!

Randall: Stanley Hopson!

Stanley: HERE!

Randall: Gina Jabowski.

Gina!: Yo right here! Up front!

Randall: Dusty Marlowe!

Dusty: Uhh, absent! (giggles)

Randall: Very fucking funny Dusty! Gerald Fitz....oh yes. That's right. He's the Kingpin.

Bullet walks into the conference room.

Randall: What now, Bullet? Can't you see I'm busy?

Bullet: I have some excellent news!

Kevin: Please tell us! I'd love to hear it.

Randall: Typical Kevin. Easily distracted from police work.

Bullet: I now own my own gym!

Dusty: Wow! I'm so happy for you Bullet!

Gina: How did you get one?

Bullet: Easy. I just bought one on Craigslist for only $50!

Stanley: A gym hey? I was in one when I was helping Gene Kelly get in shape for Singing In The Rain!

Randall: Hey! I thought we were going to be out busting some ass today!

Kevin: Uhhh, we actually would rather see Bullet's gym.

Randall (slamming his fist): FUCK! WHY IS THIS PIECE OF SHIT GYM SO IMPORTANT!

Silence as crickets chirped.

Randall: OKay. Let's put it to a vote. All in favor of kicking some criminal ass?

Nobody responded. Crickets still chirped.

Randall: Fine! All in favor of seeing Bullet's gym!

Everybody: Yeah! Yay! Let's go!

Randall: You talked me into it! Bullet's Gym it is! Come on!

Dusty: Oh boy! We get the day off!

Bullet was excited that everyone was interested in seeing his newly bought gym. Randall even wanted to see the gym himself. All the Paradise PD Policeman clamoured into their patrol cars to see Bullet's New Gym




Scene 2:


Upon arriving at Bullet's Gym. Looked like any other gym. The Paradise PD sees Robbie and Delbert working there as clerks.

Robbie: Hello, welcome to Bullet's gym. How can we help you today?

Delbert: Can we take your order?

Randall: What is this? Good Burger all of a sudden?

Bullet: Hey you assholes! This is a gym not a buffet! I don't pay you to fuck around! Get back to work!

Kevin: We don't need any help from you hicks!

Gina: We want to work out. Do we look like we need any assistance?

Dusty tries some dumbbells. Stanley tries out a treadmill but flies off.

Randall: Let's try to find a spot.

Kevin Bullet, and Gina were all on different exercise machines.

Dusty (on the dumbbells): What am I supposed to do with these things? I can't pick these up!

Gina: All right! Get even more stronger to bust criminals with my brute force! (laughs insanely)

Bullet: You mean that movie from 1947?

Kevin: There's something I've been thinking about lately.

Gina: What is it?

Kevin: Ever noticed in movies, cartoons, and tv shows. Involving Superheroes. Villains are always the ones doing the kidnappings?

Gina: Yeah, I've seen that. Why?

Kevin: I mean. How come you never see hero characters kidnap anyone on the bad guy's side?

Bullet: Uhhh, because that pussy boy Stan Lee would cry?

Kevin: What I was thinking was how about we kidnap somebody?

Gina: Who do want to abduct? I know. Let's kidnap a female prostitute and make her a damsel in distress! That Damsel in Distress stuff never bothered me any....

Bullet: So you want to kidnap someone hey? (light bulb shines over his head and he snaps his paw) Something just came to me!

Kevin: Really?

Bullet: Why not we abduct one of those Legion of DOOOOOOM people?

Kevin: You come up with the best ideas Bullet! That's what we'll do!

Gina: Question is? Who? Who from the Legion of DOOOOOOOM should we kidnap?

Kevin: Guess we'll just have to figure it out ourselves.

Randall runs around the gym.

Kevin (sees Randall): Here's something more. This weekend. My parent's anniversary is coming up.

Dusty (joins Bullet, Kevin, and Gina): What's up guys.

Gina: We're plotting a kidnapping. You want in?

Dusty: Who're getting?

Bullet (hushes): Keep your voice down!

Kevin: We're going to get one of Fitz's men who work for him.

Gina: Excellent plan.

Dusty: Can I help too?

Bullet: Of course. We'd be happy to have you.

Kevin: Now remember. Don't tell my dad. I want to surprise both he and my mom.

Bullet: You know what we could do is. Whoever we kidnap we can hide away in the wooden cabin.

Kevin: What a coincidence! My parents have a wooden cabin near the lake. Whoever we catch I'll hide him away in there!

Bullet: Yeah, and you can get in touch with North Korea and sell him to one of those Slave Labor Camps when after you show him to your parents!

Kevin: Wow! I'm loving this idea already!

Dusty: I have a list of Legion of DOOOOOOM people on my smartphone.

Showing Kevin a list of Gerald Fitzgerald's henchmen. Kevin goes over them until he finds one he can capture.

Randall (stops running): Can't believe how out of shape I am? Why didn't anybody tell me I was getting so fucking fat?

Kevin eyes a picture Dusty had on his smartphone of Brett DeMarco.

Randall: WELL?????

Everyone else ignores Randall.

Gina: He'd be perfect!

Bullet: Brett DeMarco. He's Fitz's new right hand man.

Kevin: Here's the deal. We'll nab Brett DeMarco tomorrow!

Gina: Awesome! This is something I definitely want to be a part of!

Dusty: Me too!

When their time at Bullet's Gym was done. The Paradise PD leave for the day. Stanley was stuck to the walls. Richard Simmons runs into the Gym.

Robbie: Howdy! Welcome to...

Delbert: Am I star struck or what? Isn't that the Sweating To The Oldies Dude?

Richard Simmons: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY GYM! MY SWEATING TO THE OLDIES AND DEAL A MEAL DAYS ARE OVER!!!



Scene 3:


Inside the Dippin Dots Building. Gerald Fitzgerald was getting done with a meeting with his Legion of DOOOOOM.

Fitz: Now are there any questions?

Pat Robertson: Nope. None from me.

Fitz: Good. You all did a fine job selling both argyle and houndstooth meth!

Russian Mobster: I sold 2 bags! ha ha ha! Then 3! ha ha ha! Then I sold 4! ha ha ha!

Pedro Pooptooth: We haven't been caught yet.

Frank Flipperfist: How did we get better at getting away with these drug deals anyway?

Fitz: It's because of my new right hand man. Brett DeMarco! Take a bow, Brett.

Brett (takes a bow): Bet it feels good to have a more competent second in command on your side, hey?

Fitz: Yes it does. You're my best man, Brett. I would sure hate to loose you.

Frank Flipperfist: I know. Bad enough we lost....

Fitz: DON'T SAY HIS NAME!!! WE DO NOT SPEAK OF THE DEAD!

Russian Mobster: I already forgotten about him a week ago! Then 2 weeks ago! ha ha ha! 3 weeks ago ha ha ha!

Pedro Pooptooth: Fitz is right. When someone who works for us dies. We should forget about him.

Brett: So, Kingpin Fitz. Is there anything else you'd like for us to do right now?

Fitz: For now. We all go back to our normal lives. When I get another shipment of meth, I'll call you all.

Brett: This is the best job I've ever had. I hope I never leave.

Fitz: And you never will. In the meantime, I'm glad I don't gotta go back to pretending I'm this Buddhist PTSD strickin cop at the Paradise PD!

Frank Flipperfist: Good bye everyone.

Pat Robertson: May Jesus be with you.

As all the other Legion of DOOOOOOM members exit for the day. Fitz looks at the picture of his slain right hand man, Thester Carbomb.

Fitz: I sure miss you, Thester. I'll never forget you. Fuck that train for running into you being stuck in that car.

Brett: You always have me.

Fitz: I know. Thanks to you, we've outsmarted the Paradise PD with our drug trades and deals.

Brett: See you next time?

Fitz: Bye for now.

Outside the Dippin Dots Building. Kevin, Dusty, Stanley, Gina, and Bullet were all spying on the Legion of DOOOOOOM.

Kevin: Come on! Come on! Where is Brett DeMarco?

Stanley: Being involved with a kidnapping is quite fun! Last time I kidnapped someone it was the Lindbergh baby while I was sodomizing Charles!

Bullet (sees Pat Robertson): It should've been him we plotted to kidnap!

Gina: It'll be cool to kidnap someone on Fitz's side. For some reason from what I noticed. They were getting better at selling their drugs.

Dusty: According to my smartphone. Brett DeMarco is now Fitz's new right hand man. He works in pharmecidals.

Kevin: No wonder they've slipped under our noses at selling drugs.

Bullet: Wasn't there another guy who worked for Fitz before?

Dusty: Yeah who was he? Was short, little bald. Talked in a British accent. Chubby......

Gina: Oh yes. Thester Carbomb? His sorry ass was killed in a train crash.

Kevin: I remember when that happened. It was all over the news. He sure as hell wasn't on the Silver Streak that's for sure!

Dusty: The news made him sound like he was a saint. Just because he owned a store that sold ceiling fans.

Bullet: Little did the public know what he really was. (sees Brett DeMarco): As Beetlejuice once said, It's Showtime!



Scene 4:


On his way to the Pharmicedical Company in which he works for. Brett DeMarco walks his way to work. Only to be stopped by Dusty.

Dusty: Going somewhere mister?

Brett: Fuck off, Haagan Daas!

Walking out of Dusty's way, Brett is stopped again. This time my Stanley who dropped his cane.

Stanley: Excuse me, young man. I seem to have dropped my cane? Can you get it for me?

Brett (picks up the cane): All right. Here.

Stanley: Thank you kind sir.

After giving the cane back to Stanley, Kevin was hiding in a corner of a building. Kevin had his foot out in an attempt to trip Brett DeMarco. Not seeing the foot in front of him, Brett tripped over Kevin's foot.

Brett: WOAH! Son of a bitch! This is such a weird ass day! What the FUCK is going on?

Picking himself up, Brett decides to ignore all the things that had occurred and go to work. Gina sneaks up from behind him with her taser. Before he knew it, Brett was tazed.

Brett: YYYEEEOOOOOWWWWW! (falls to the ground.)

Gina (over a walkie talkie): We got him, Bullet!

On his way over to pick up the now knocked unconscious Brett DeMarco. Bullet drives down the street at fast speeds.

Bullet: Calling Dick Tracy! Calling Dick Tracy! I'm on my way!

Stopping the car, Kevin runs to pick up Brett DeMarco and put him in the trunk of the car Bullet was driving.

Kevin: Yes we did it! I knew we could pull it off!

Gina: Without his best henchman ever. Fitz and his Meth Empire are history!

Dusty: It's fun to kidnap! We ought to do it more often!

Bullet: Okay you guys get in!

Stanley: Old men first!

Kevin, Stanley Gina, Bullet and Dusty all drive to the Remote Lake Cabin known as the Crawford Lake Cabin that Randall and Karen own. Once everyone had arrived, Gina takes Brett DeMarco out of the trunk and carries him inside.

Stanley: Where should we put this sumbitch?

Kevin (points to a dog cage): Right there is fine for now.

Bullet walks up to Kevin.

Dusty: I know! Maybe we can kidnap Fitz himself!

Bullet: Uhhh, let's not take it that far. So Kevin. You'll need a disguise so he doesn't know it's you.

Kevin: You're right. I need it! Do you have one?

Bullet gets out a suitcase and opens it. Inside there was a chicken suit that looked like the Subservient Chicken from the 2004 Burger King Promotion.

Dusty: That chicken suit is making me hungry!

Gina (laughs): I know who that is! That's the Subservient Chicken!

Kevin: Thank you so much for this you guys. I can just picture it now! When Mom and Dad see how I captured Brett DeMarco, they'll be so happy and proud of me. They'll never hate me again!

Bullet: It's good to dream. Time will tell for that.

Stanley: This cage reminds me of the Ringling Brothers Circus when I had sex with P.T. Barnum!

Kevin: Good bye you guys! Don't tell Dad or Mom. I want this to be the best Anniversary Present ever!

Gina: If he escapes, give us a call!

Stanley, Gina, Bullet, and Dusty all depart and leave Kevin alone with Brett DeMarco. Kevin puts on the chicken suit and sits by the cage waiting for Brett DeMarco to wake up.

Kevin: Now we wait!




Scene 5:


In the Dippin Dots Building. Gerald Fitzgerald was on the phone with the Pharmacidal Company.

Fitz: WHAT! What do you mean Brett DeMarco never showed up for work? Where is he?

Marcos Narcos walks in.

Fitz: Okay. All right. Fine. Goodbye.

Marco Narcos: Dios Mio I'm back from my vacation.

Fitz: That's nice, Marcos.

Marcos Narcos: Something on your mind.

Fitz: Get everyone in here.

Marcos Narcos summons Russian Mobster, Pat Robertson, Frank Flipperfist, Jerry, Pedro Pooptooth.

Frank: What's going on?

Fitz: We have a situation!

Russian Mobster: Like the one on Jersey Shore?

Fitz: NO! My best right hand man, Brett DeMarco! He's missing in action!

Pedro Pooptooth: That's my favorite Chuck Norris movie!

Fitz: Mother fucker! Don't you all understand how serious this is? Without him, my Meth Empire can collapse!

Pat Robertson: Oh my. That's not good.

Fitz: If we don't find him soon, the Paradise PD can destroy us!

Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria! We will do everything we can to bring Brett back to you!

Fitz: While you're all out looking for Brett. I'll go look for him too. But I'll do it alone.

Pat Robertson: And we will keep you informed on further updates.

Fitz: Exactly!

The Legion of DOOOOOM all set out to find Brett DeMarco. Fitz decided to go it alone.




Scene 6:


Back at the Crawford Lake Cabin. Brett DeMarco was slowly waking up from being shocked. He was about to wake up to a horror show.

Brett: Ohhh. Ohhh. Where am I?

Kevin now in the chicken suit glared at him. Brett turned around and screamed.

Brett: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Kevin (disguises his voice): Greetings Brett DeMarco! You are in a living hell!

Brett: What kind of fucking sick joke is this?

Kevin: The only sick joke around here is you, Brett DeMarco!

Brett: What is the meaning of this?

Kevin: I know everything about you, Brett! You work for a pharmacidal company. You've killed 3 million people with your drugs! Then you became the Gerald Fitzgerald the Kingpin's new assistant after Thester Carbomb died.

Brett: How do you know so much about this!

Kevin: I have my ways.

Brett: What're you going to do with me?

Kevin: You're going to stay here with my until Saturday.

Brett: Okay. What is supposed to happen on Saturday?

Kevin: I'll get in touch with North Korea. So by the end of this week you will be sold to a North Korean Slave Labor Camp! And your precious Legion of DOOOOOM and Gerald Fitzgerald will soon become inmates at SuperMax! (laughs)

Brett: Oh fuck no!

Kevin: Oh fuck yeah! As Joe Biden once said.

Brett: You better get me the fuck outta here! (slamming his hands on the bars)

Kevin: I'll letting you out of the cage. Then I'm....(opening the cage)

As soon as Brett DeMarco got out of the cage, he shoved Kevin aside and ran as fast as he could.

Brett: Bet you didn't know I was a good runner and fighter! Later asshole! I'm going to tell Gerald Fitzgerald on you!

Kevin gets his cellphone to call Bullet.

Bullet: Bullet's Black Tar Heroin! How can I help you?

Kevin: Brett got away from me!

Bullet: Don't worry. I'll help you get him back! I'm in a tree watching him as we speak!

Kevin: Good Good!

Hanging up the cellphone, Kevin ran outside to meet Bullet.

Kevin (calls): Bullet! Bullet!

Bullet: Up here!

Kevin: Where did he go?

Bullet: He's headed into town. We'll block him off at the pass!

Kevin: Good job, Bullet! We'll capture him like those villains from The Mask did to Cameron Diaz!

Brett was running out of the forest and into town. He stops into an ice cream store. Bullet and Kevin were in Bullet's car in hot pursuit. Walking into an ice cream store trying to look for a phone. Brett was greeted by a young Cuban woman who was behind the counter. She talked in a very loud accented voice.

Cuban Lady: OLA MISTER! WANT-A SOME ICE-A CREAM?!

Brett: Ma'am, I ain't got time for fucking ice cream! I want to use your phone!

Cuban Lady: Sure! Phone is right in the back!

Brett: Thanks! (thinks to himself): Hispanics are so fucking loud! What kind of Banana Boat did she come off of?

Going in the back to use the phone, Brett was already doomed. Bullet and Kevin had tracked him down to the ice cream store.

Bullet (laughing): What kind of loser abductee runs away to an ice cream store!

Kevin: He's in there, all right. Let's ask if anyone has seen him.

Brett was frantically trying to dial the phone. Kevin and Bullet walk into the ice cream store.

Cuban Lady: OLA DOG AND CHICKEN SUIT! WANT-A SOME ICE-A CREAM?!

Kevin: Uh, yes. Did you see a man in a suit come in here?

Cuban Lady: Oh, yes. He's in the back using the phone.

As soon as Brett heard the Cuban Lady tell them where he was. Brett dropped the phone and ran into the woman's room.

Brett: They won't think to find me in here! (runs into woman's restroom)

Bullet: I saw him! He went into the Woman's Room!

Kevin: Maybe he's gender fluid!

Bullet: No! Don't you see? He knew we were coming for him, so he's trying to escape!

Kevin: Oh right!

Bullet: Let's get him in the back of the building!

Brett opened a window in the Woman's Room and crawled his way out. Thinking he was in the clear. Brett jumped out of the window to the Woman's Room and tried to make his escape. Now in an alley, Brett begins to run again. Only to be knocked out again with a beer bottle.

Bullet: Bullseye! Is the name of this beer!

Kevin: You're awesome, Bullet!

Bullet helps Kevin put Brett DeMarco back in the truck. After a feeble attempt to escape, Brett DeMarco was now on his way back to the Crawford Lake Cabin via Kevin.




Scene 7:


Brett DeMarco's disappearance soon made media headlines. FOX News, MSNBC, CNN, and all the other names in news.

Anderson Cooper: Brett DeMarco. How is it that he vanished?

Nancy Grace: My friends, what in the world happened to this wonderful man, Brett DeMarco?

Greg Gutfeld: Before we begin our show. Let's all bow our heads for Brett DeMarco. A man who went missing for no reason at all......

Lester Holt: What became of this man from Paradise Georgia? Brett DeMarco is his name....

Scott Pelley: Brett DeMarco. Is our story tonight. A man who walked to work and somehow vanished.

As the news kept doing reports on Brett DeMarco's disappearance, they plastered him to be some kind of saint. Nobody knew what evil lurked beneath the monster who was Brett DeMarco. The next day before Kevin reported for work. He was in his chicken suit to conceal his identity. Kevin had Brett in handcuffs and leg irons. Kevin had Brett locked in a room with nothing but a waterbed.

Brett: How I'd love to clobber your ass right now!

Kevin (disguised voice); Too bad you can't! (laughs) Now I've decided to put you to work.

Brett: I would never do any work for anyone but myself and my pharmacedical company.

Kevin: You better do this. If you don't? I will cut open this waterbed and dunk your head until you drown! You want that?

Brett (Gulp): No.

Kevin: Thought you'd see it that way. Now, what you are going to do is hang this laundry outside on the clothes liner. (hands Brett some clothes pins) Here's some clothes pins to help get you started!

Brett followed Kevin outside where where the clothes liner was. Kevin put a chain and padlock on Brett's leg irons and attacked the other side of the chain on a wooden stake. Brett was boiling mad as hell at what happened to him.

Kevin: I'm going to go now! Get to work! You better get used to hard labor when you get sent to North Korea!

Brett: Consider it done! (grumbles angrily to himself.) When I get out of here....no way in fucking hell I'm going to North Korea.....

Right next door, there lived a family. Their last name was Matto. The patriarch of the family Anthony Matto. He may be a good provider and made good money for the auto industry, however he was a raging alcoholic. The mother was Bethany Matto, who was addicted to argyle meth that she usually gets from Gerald Fitzgerald. The oldest son was Cody. A sophomore in high school who was on the honor roll, and a straight A student. The youngest was the daughter. Zeta. A freshman, but very immature for her age. Bethany was looking at the window in her kitchen. While Anthony was laying on the couch drunk. Cody was doing his homework.

Bethany: God damn it! Son of a bitch! Where the fuck is my meth!

Cody: I'm sure it'll come Mom.

Bethany: It was supposed to come two weeks ago! Why the hell hasn't the Kingpin provided me with my meth by now?

Zeta (walks into the kitchen): Hey, Mom. Can I go outside and play?

Cody: Oh grow up Zeta! (mockingly) Go outside and play.....

Bethany: Cody's right! You're 14 Zeta! You should be in the back seat of a car getting knocked up by some football player!

Zeta: I'll go ask Dad.

Walking into their living room, Anthony was sleeping on the couch drunk with the TV turned on.

Zeta: Dad? Can I go outside and play?

Anthony (slurring): Sure....just be back by midnight...

Cody (calling out): Stay the hell away from that next door cabin's back yard!

Zeta goes outside and takes her iphone with her. Naturally Zeta always did go over and play in the backyard of the Crawford Lake Cabin. Since the cabin was always vacant, Zeta didn't really see it as big of a deal. Every now and then she got away with it. Sometimes Cody would find her, drag her back home and beat her. She used the backyard to film videos of herself having fun on her Youtube channel. Back at her house her family yelled so loud, Zeta could hear.

Anthony: STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT BRETT DEMARCO GUY!

Bethany: Yeah, we wanna hear about Joe Biden......

Cody: I want to hear about Trump being blamed for the corona virus!

Setting up her iphone, Zeta hears a man's voice yelling. It was Brett DeMarco.

Zeta (runs and hides): That's the missing guy who's on the news.

Brett: That asshole who kidnapped me! I swear he is going to fucking pay!

Zeta decides to watch and film Brett DeMarco on her iphone. Back at the Paradise PD Headquarters, Kevin had a smartphone that he had hidden away in his parent's cabin to film Brett DeMarco so he can humiliate him.

Dusty (laughs): Cool Kevin! You're slave driving him!

Kevin: Oh yes! I can just see it now. This weekend, my parents are going to be so happy. Dad will forget I ever shot off his testicles!

Gina: He's lucky I didn't kidnap him!

Stanley: Is that a Game Boy you're watching him on?

Kevin: No it's an iphone.

Bullet: Has anyone watched the news? It's like they don't know he's a pharmacedical bigwig!

Randall rushed into the conference room.

Bullet (whispers); Oops! Funs' over!

Randall: Everybody listen up! We got a missing persons case on our hands!

Dusty: Is it Brett DeMarco? That dude I never heard of who's all over the news.

Randall: You bet your fucking asses it's Brett DeMarco! Each and every one of you are going to find him!

Kevin was frozen in shock.

Randall: What's the problem, Kevin?

Bullet: Uhh, I think he needs some air. Can you excuse us.

Randall: Anyway! We need to find Brett DeMarco!

Gina: Uhhh, sure! We'll bring him home.

Randall didn't know that his own police crew had plotted to kidnap Brett DeMarco. Who was being held in The Crawford Lake Cabin being forced to work. Nor did the police chief know that Brett DeMarco was Gerald Fitzgerald's new right hand man. Only Kevin knew. At the Matto house, Zeta shows Anthony, Bethany, and Cody the video she took of Brett DeMarco.

Zeta: I know you guys don't care to hear about this....

Bethany: Then don't say it!

Zeta: Brett DeMarco is right next door! He's been kidnapped! I got the proof right here!

Anthony: Give me that! (yanks iphone)

Cody, Bethany, and Anthony saw what Zeta has filmed.

Zeta: See? I told you! How about we turn it over to the police?

Cody (punches Zeta): You went over to that backyard, didn't you?

Anthony: DUMBASS BITCH!

Bethany: You butted into other people's business and property!

Zeta: But....but....I'm trying to be a hero.

Anthony, Bethany and Cody all yell at Zeta to go away. Feeling beaten Zeta retreated into her bedroom.




Scene 8:


The next day. In no time at all. Everybody in Paradise pitched in to contribute to the cause to look for the missing Brett DeMarco. Everywhere around town there were flyers with his picture on it. People at the Pentecostal Church had candle light vigils for him. At the Dippin Dots Building. Pedro Pooptooth walked into command room.

Fitz: Did you find him?

Pedro Pooptooth: I'm afraid not, Puto!

Fitz: FUCK! We need to find him NOW!

Russian Mobster, Pat Robertson, Marcos Narcos, and Frank Flipperfist all walk in to deliver some bad news to their Kingpin.

Fitz: What about all you? Did you find Brett DeMarco?

Russian Mobster: I'm afraid not. I'm so sad I can't even count.....

Frank Flipperfist: I couldn't find him either.....

Robbie and Delbert run in.

Fitz: Who invited these Beavis and Butthead clones?

Robbie: Uhhh, we volunteered to help find Brett DeMarco to show what good people we are!

Delbert: Yeah, he works for you. That we know. Don't worry we didn't tell no one.

Fitz threw a chair at the wall and screamed.

Marcos Narcos: No offense. Just saying here...

Fitz: WHAT IS IT!

Marcos Narcos: It's rather unusual for a Kingpin like you to be concerned about a henchman going missing.

Fitz: Oh is that so? I get it, because I'm a ruthless bloodthirsty Kingpin, I'm not allowed to care about my henchmen?

Frank Flipperfist: You did cry like a baby when Thester Carbomb died.

Fitz: SHUT UP! Everybody! Get your asses back out there and find Brett DeMarco! We need him. As I've said before, when he joined the Legion of DOOOOOM, our profits have skyrocketed! (points to Robbie and Delbert): You get your asses back out there, too!

Robbie: We'll do!

Delbert: You can count on us!

Fitz (squeezes a wooden piece in his hands): If I find out who caused Brett DeMarco to disappear....

Back at the Crawford Lake Cabin, Kevin once again in his chicken suit has Brett DeMarco outside raking leaves.

Kevin: When I come back, I want these leaves raked and put in these plastic bags.

Brett: Yeah, fine whatever. Oh can I ask you something?

Kevin: Make it fast?

Brett: Are you in a chicken suit because of the movie Saving Silverman?

Kevin: Just get to work, asshole! You're lucky I don't put a rat mask on you!

Brett: Like in 1984?

Kevin: I oughta...never mind.

Brett was raking leaves. Around the corner Zeta was playing. She was knocking down her father's beer cans with a sling shot.

Zeta: Who cares what Mom, Dad, and Cody say! I can play here if I want! That lake house is empty. What's the big deal?

When she got done. Zeta wanted to knock down the beer cans again. Now going to pick up the beer cans she noticed a chain.

Zeta (picks up chain): Wonder what this is?

Pulling on the chain, Zeta hears a man scream. She runs to the sound of the scream. There Zeta sees Brett DeMarco who had fallen into a pile of leaves. Startled, Zeta runs back home. Brett goes back to do his work.

Brett: Where is Gerald Fitzgerald? Why isn't he trying to find me, already?

Zeta (watches Brett and filming him): Wish I can help you, Mr. DeMarco. I tried to.....to make my parents love me.....



Scene 9:


At Police Headquarters, Kevin was showing on his iphone Brett DeMarco being forced to rake leaves.

Kevin: I'm having him do all sorts of shit! Did I mention I'm forcing him to eat bread and water?

Bullet: He better enjoy this country while he can before he's shipped off to North Korea!

Kevin shuts off the video on his iphone and phones North Korea.

Gina: Too bad nobody Shanghais people anymore! I'd Shanghai Dusty.

Dusty (laughs): Oh Gina! You make me laugh.

Stanley: Shanghai hey? They call butt sex in China Shanghai Surprise!

Kevin (walks in on the phone): Hello, North Korea? Yes, I have a criminal in my parent's Lake House that I captured. I'm located in Paradise Georgia. I want you to come on Saturday to take him. Will you do it? Good....good.....see you Saturday then! Thanks, bye!

Gina: Wow, you got everything set, Kevin!

Dusty: You'll be declared a hero for what you did!

Stanley: Maybe you'll get a parade!

Kevin: I can just feel it now! My parents are going to see what a good job I did. Who knows? I may even become Police Captain!

Bullet: That would be a job you can be great at!

Randall (walks into conference room): I want an analysis on the Brett DeMarco Missing Persons Case!

Gina: Uh, we're still working on it!

Randall: You better get it done by Saturday!

Bullet: What's going on Saturday?

Randall: Not that it's any of your business, but Karen and I are going to spend our anniversary at our Lake House.

Bullet: You guys still have anniversaries even though you're divorced?

Randall: She's the one who wants to go. Sometimes I just can't say no to her....

Kevin (whispers); Yes!

Randall: What was that, Kevin.

Kevin: I mean, ah-choo!

Randall: Everyone go out and look for Brett DeMarco again! That's an order!

Gina, Dusty, Stanley, Kevin, and Bullet all depart to go on their Police Mission. Randall goes to the bathroom.

Randall: FUCK THIS IBS!

As soon as Randall runs to the bathroom. Frank Flipperfist and Pedro Pooptooth sneak out of the evidence room. Both were stealing drugs.

Pedro Pooptooth: Did you hear all that?

Frank Flipperfist: I sure have. Kevin Crawford has Brett DeMarco.

Pedro Pooptooth: It seems like all the other Paradise PD cops are responsible for making him disappear.

Frank Flipperfist: Good thing the Kingpin sent us to steal these drugs from the evidence room.

Kevin's plans were going to blow up in smoke. Seeing Kevin forgot his iphone, Frank Flipperfist takes the iphone and plays the video. That's when they both saw Brett DeMarco outside. Chained up forced to rake leaves.

Frank Flipperfist: Kevin Crawford thinks he'll be a hero for this?

Pedro Pooptooth: The fuck he will. Not after we show this to the Kingpin!

Frank Flipperfist: We need to get back to Dippin Dots now.

Pedro Pooptooth: Think we struck gold with this!

Frank Flipperfist and Pedro Pooptooth take Kevin's iphone with them as they were loading up the drugs from the Evidence Room in their car.



Scene 10:


The entire community in Paradise was still trying to search for Brett DeMarco. Saturday was just a day away. Kevin drives Bullet to the Crawford Lake Cabin.

Bullet: Can't wait to see the look on Brett DeMarco's face when he's being dragged away to North Korea!

Kevin: Actually I would prefer it if neither of you showed up.

Bullet: Want it to be just a family affair hey?

Kevin: Yep. Now did you bring your laptop?

Bullet: All right here. (points to his laptop) Can we go over this again?

Kevin: OKay, I want to post a video on Youtube. To have a little fun with Gerald Fitzgerald. Seems like I'm the only one who knows Brett DeMarco is working for him. This is going to work out! I'll be a hero no matter what!

Bullet: What's the video about?

Kevin: You'll see! In the meantime, put on the plastic surgeon costume while I get on my chicken suit!

Before entering the Crawford Lake Cabin, Bullet puts on the plastic surgeon costume while Kevin dons on his chicken suit. At the Dippin Dots Building. Gerald Fitzgerald was about to hold another meeting.

Fitz: Can I have your attention please....

Pat Robertson comes up to Fitz with a laptop.

Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria! Somebody sent a Youtube video to you!

Fitz opens the laptop. Frank Flipperfist had Kevin's iphone in his pocket. As he, Pat Robertson, Russian Mobster, Pedro Pooptooth, and Frank Flipperfist all gather to see the youtube video.

Russian Mobster (sees video): It's a chicken! But why?

The Youtube video was playing. Kevin with his chicken suit on talks to the laptop. Bullet had on his plastic sugeron outfit.

Kevin: Oh, I'm sorry! Were you about to watch something? Well now you're watching me! (slams his fist on a wall) This is a message for Gerald Fitzgerald!

Fitz: Some asshole sent me a message hey? Let's watch to see what this fucking chicken wants from me!

The Youtube video went viral. It even shows up on Robbie's and Delbert's laptop whilst they were watching porn.

Robbie: What kind of fucking ass trash is this?

Delbert: I thought we were watching Debbie Does Dallas!

Robbie: How in the fuck did this come up! Is this some Public Access kind of shit?

Delbert: Maybe it's a rodeo cattle auction!

Robbie: Should we turn it off and go back to watching Debbie Does Dallas?

Delbert: Thought it was Deep Throat we was watching.....

Back on the video. Kevin was ranting. Bullet was standing by his side

Kevin: You're probably all wondering who this is?

Bullet: Greetings fellow Youtubers! I am Dr. 90210! I used to have my own reality show on E! Entertainment. I'm a plastic surgeon from Beverly Hills. I did surgeries for all the celebrities! Thanks to me, Khloe Kardashian doesn't resemble O.J. anymore!

Fitz (watches the video): Where is he going with this?!

Kevin: So, onto our next order of business....

Bullet: Hey, Mr. Chicken Man. You wouldn't happen to want me to perform some surgery on a certain henchmen do you?

Kevin: No! Of course not!

When Kevin's elbow presses a button. A gurney slowly rose up. Brett DeMarco was strapped to the gurney. He had a ball gag over his mouth, still in handcuffs and leg irons. When Fitz saw was had happened, he was in an outrage.

Fitz: It's Brett DeMarco! He's been kidnapped! (growls)

Kevin: If you, Gerald Fitzgerald do not stop distributing your argyle and houndstooth meth. Dr. 90210 will give your henchman, A NOSE JOB!

Brett protested but he could not speak over his gag. Bullet puts a scalpel up to Brett's face.

Frank Flipperfist: Maybe we ought to negotiate?

Fitz: That's not how I operate! A Kingpin never negotiates! Turn it off! I've seen enough!

Turning of the laptop. Pedro Pooptooth has some news.

Pedro Pooptooth: We were scrounging though the Evidence Locker at the Paradise PD.

Frank Flipperfist (shows Fitz Kevin's cellphone): We found out who it was that abducted Brett.

Giving the phone to Fitz, he sees a video of Brett DeMarco raking leaves. On the side of the phone had some tape on it that reads "KEVIN CRAWFORD". When Fitz saw who the iphone belonged to. He was out for blood.

Fitz: So that's who made Brett DeMarco disappear! Kevin! (roars) KEVIN!!!!

Pedro Pooptooth looks through the phone and sees a call to North Korea. Frank sees it too.

Frank Flipperfist: I listened to him on the phone with North Korea. He plans to sell Brett to a Slave Labor Camp.

Pedro Pooptooth: And what's more is we heard Kevin and his fellow officers talk about how much fun they had kidnapping him. If we don't do something soon, by Saturday. Brett will be gone for good.

Fitz: Here's what we're going to do......first we trace where Kevin was making the videos on his iphone.

The Legion of DOOOOOM members gathered around to come up with a plan. To obliterate the Paradise PD.



Scene 11:


Saturday was here. People were still concerned over the loss of Brett DeMarco. At the Matto house, Bethany, Anthony, Cody, and Zeta were sitting in the living room watching the news. Zeta was about ready to leave.

Anthony: Oh fuck! Who gives a flying shit about this Brett DeMarco! Who the fucking is he?

Bethany: I know, right? Come on! We wanna hear about the election and the corona-virus!

Cody: I've been studying the way Joe Biden does speeches and that's exactly how I did it when I make speeches for Class President.

Zeta sneaks out the back door to go play in the front yard of the Crawford Lake Cabin. She hears her parents in a heated argument. That actually got physical.

Anthony: You've been a bitch all week...(slaps Bethany)

Bethany: I haven't gotten my meth yet! (punches Anthony)

Anthony: Don't you realize anything about that Kingpin you get your drugs from?

Bethany: Why? What's your problem with him? Think I'm fucking him or something...

Anthony: You gave him money for your drugs! HE'S AFTER OUR MONEY!!!!!

Cody: STOP! STOP! STOP! You're hurting Mom.....

Zeta was relieved to be out of that house. Even if it was her home. A violent home at that. With a family that saw her as a disappointment. All because she didn't want to conform to stereotypical milestones that other kids her age had already done. Taking a rubber ball with her she sees a tire and sets it up to a tree. Zeta then threw the rubber ball at the tire numerous times. Brett hears her outside.

Brett (thinking): Oh shit! Hope that's not the North Koreans.

Looking out the window from the room where he was held, Brett sees Zeta playing by throwing the rubber ball at the tire.

Brett (thinking): Thank god. It's just a stupid kid. I don't like kids.

Going back to the waterbed. Brett still had hope that his fellow Legion of DOOOOOM members will come and rescue him. Brett was no ordinary henchman. He was actually a hands on, no holds barred, kick ass, take charge kind of henchman. Brett was very smart, vindictive and cunning. Still was in spite of being in captivity. Which was many reasons why Kevin Crawford wanted to capture him. Outside, Zeta threw the rubber ball at the tire, but this time, the ball she threw ricochets and hits the window to the room where Brett is in.

Zeta: Oh no! What've I done?

Shaken and terrified that she had destroyed property, Zeta decides to get her ball back.

Zeta: Well, there's a first time for everything. I'm getting my ball back! Won't be no pussy like Cody!

Determined, but nervous to get her ball back by going inside an empty house. Zeta tries to open the door. Much to her shock, the door was opened. Making her way in, Zeta hears a TV voice on a loop.

TV: You're Watching Channel 61. South Georgia's Number One Most Watched Network. You're Watching Channel 61! South Georgia's Number One Most Watched Network.....

Zeta: Blow it out your ass Channel 61!

Trying to figure out where the room was. Zeta enters a door. When Brett heard the door open, he hid away. Zeta finds the room and sees her ball was nowhere to be seen.

Zeta: Oh shit!

Searching the room for her ball. Zeta looks high and low. Until she hears a sound of a chain coming from behind her. A hand with a handcuff on it has her ball. The hand belonged to Brett DeMarco.

Brett (talking through his gag): Were you looking for this??

Zeta (turns around): AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!

Brett tries to stop her as Zeta keep screaming.

Zeta: Stay away! Stay away!

Brett takes off his gag and tries to talk to Zeta.

Zeta: Don't do nothing to me!

Brett: I couldn't hurt you even if I wanted to. Look at me. (shows Zeta his chains)

Zeta: Oh sorry. I never had anyone sneak up behind me in chains before. Thanks for getting my ball for me.

Brett: Now that I did something for you. Could you do something for me?

Zeta: Sure. Hey, wait a minute. You're that missing guy. Brett DeMarco! You're all over the news.

Brett: Really? Didn't think the media would take my kidnapping so seriously. Anyway, I want you to try to find Gerald Fitzgerald for me.

Zeta: I can do that. What does he look like?

Brett: You can't miss him. He's tall, black. White suit and has a moustache. If you see anyone who looks like that, tell him where I am.

Zeta: OKay You bet I will.

Brett: Because if you don't. By tonight, I'll be taken away to North Korea and never be seen or heard from again.

Zeta: I'll be happy to help you.

Brett: If you don't. You'll regret it forever.

Zeta leaves the house.

Brett: Thank you.

Zeta: You're welcome!

Gerald Fitzgerald drives to the area where the Crawford Lake Cabin was. Zeta was running with her hand in her hand. She gets stopped by The Kingpin.

Fitz: Woah Woah Woah! Slow down? What's wrong little girl? I thought I heard some screaming.

Zeta (looks at him): Are you Gerald Fitzgerald?

Fitz: Yes that's me. Were you the one who screamed?

Zeta: I did. You see I was playing with my ball and it hit a window. Went inside to get it. And that's when I saw him.

Fitz: Saw who? Was it Brett DeMarco?

Zeta: Yes, do you know him?

Fitz: He's my very good friend. I've been looking all over for him.

Zeta: Well, he's alive and he told me to tell you he's in that Lake House Cabin. I play around here.

Fitz: Little girl, you just made my day!

Zeta: I did? People always tell me I ruin things for them. My family. Cody my brother, teachers, bullies.

Fitz: They don't know shit! What's your name?

Zeta: Zeta. Zeta Matto.

Fitz: You related to that asshole Matto family?

Zeta: That's me. Finally someone who agrees that my family are assholes. Everyone I know thinks they're good.

Fitz: Well you're good in my eyes. Your mom buys meth from me. That doesn't sound like a good mother to me! (gives Zeta some money). Go and have some fun. I'll take care of thing here.

Zeta: OKay. Good luck!

Fitz watches Zeta run. Making a pledge to beat the shit out of Kevin if he ever gets his hands on him.



Scene 12:



Randall and Karen were at their usual house getting ready for their anniversary. Randall keeps knocking on Karen's bathroom door.

Karen: Come on, Randall! Women need to freshen up.

Randall: You've been in there for two hours! Get a move on already!

Karen: A woman need to look her best, honey! You remembered that from when we were married.

Randall hears a doorbell and goes to answer it. Kevin was there.

Kevin: Hey, Dad? You and Mom getting ready for your anniversary?

Randall: Kevin! I didn't invite you to watch us have a fuck holiday!

Kevin: I know but. By any chance are you on your way to the Lake Cabin?

Randall: Not that it's any of your business, yes.

Kevin: Cool! Because I have a wonderful present for both you and mom on your special day.

Randall: All right. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I'll go tell Karen.

Karen finally gets out of the bathroom.

Kevin: Mom! Good you're here.

Karen: Kevin? What are you doing here?

Randall: Uhh, apparently Kevin has a present for us at the Lake Cabin.

Karen: What the hell. Let's all go as a family!

Kevin: Good deal!

Randall, Karen, and Kevin all board Randall's car to drive to the Lake Cabin. Brett DeMarco was sitting on the waterbed. He begins to have flashbacks during his days when he was in the army. Before Brett DeMarco became a pharmecidal representative he served in Afghanistan from 2002-2005. Brett DeMarco and his troops had been captured by Al Qaeda and was a POW. Got rescued in late 2005. While in Kevin's captivity, Brett DeMarco did all he could to survive. Just like his time in the POW Camp. Then Brett DeMarco heard a helicopter fly over the Lake Cabin.

Brett: Shit. This is it. Oh well. I've been a prisoner before.....at least the army taught me how to survive and that POW camp I was in was the icing on the cake.

Fitz was still at the site where the Crawford Lake Cabin calling his Legion of DOOOOOOM to come and join him. Watching the helicopter land next to Lake Cabin, Fitz gets out an uzi. The North Koreans came out of the helicopter to go inside to apprrehend Brett DeMarco.

Brett: They're here! They've come for me. (chanting) A solider knows no fear!

Fitz (runs to the Lake Cabin): Time to nuke these North Koreans.

North Korean: STOP! WHO ARE YOU!

Fitz (gets out an uzi): The fucking badass your mother warned you about!

The North Koreans who were about to take Brett DeMarco away all found themselves getting shot by Fitz's uzi. All of them died as they got shot by the fast driven bullets.

Brett: What the hell?

Fitz (runs into the cabin): BRETT! BRETT! Are you okay?

Brett: Fitz? The Kingpin? You've come to get me.

Fitz: Of course. You're my best man on the team. I was very determined to get you back! I don't know where we'd be if it weren't for you joining my Empire.

Brett: Well, I don't know what to say.

Fitz: Hold still, I'll get you out of those chains. Oh, and I found out who kidnapped you.

Brett was relieved when Fitz unchained his wrists and leg irons.

Fitz: The guy in the chicken suit that had you....

Brett: You must've seen the video.

Fitz: It was Kevin Crawford of the Paradise PD!

Brett: WHAT! I got kidnapped by a cop?

Fitz: It's a long story, I'll explain everything. For now let's get out of here.

Brett listened as Fitz told him everything as they were exciting the Crawford Lake Cabin. Pat Robertson, Russian Mobster, Frank Flipperfist, Pedro Pooptooth, and Marcos Narcos all got out of the limo.

Fitz: I saved Brett DeMarco. Also, Randall, Karen, and Kevin are going to show up here any minute. So go and hide.

Frank Flipperfist: Why do you want us to do that?

Fitz: Let's just say I'm going to give the Crawford Family a death anniversary! (laughs evilly)

Brett: Yeah! You do it, Fitz!

Fitz, Brett and all the other Legion of DOOOOOM Members all hid away.



Scene 13:


Randall was driving to the Crawford Lake Cabin.

Karen: It is so sweet of you Kevin so give us a present!

Randall: This better not be a wild goose chase.

Kevin: I promise it isn't!

Karen: Oh look! Here we are!

Driving into the Crawford Lake Cabin. Karen screamed at the bloodied bodies of the North Koreans.

Karen: aaaahhhh! What happened here?

Kevin was astounded.

Randall: Was this your present? A bunch of dead North Koreans?

Kevin: I had no idea how that happened. The surprise is inside!

Leading the way to the waterbed room where Brett DeMarco was held. Kevin tells his parents what he had done.

Kevin: Before I start, hee hee. You guys are going to be very happy and proud of me! This is the thing that's going to make me a big hero!

Randall: What did you do? Some fucked up shit no doubt.

Kevin: I captured one of those Legion of DOOOOOM members. Fitz's right hand man.

Karen: Thester Carbomb has been dead for 3 months.

Randall: Unless you're trying to pull a Memento on us.....

Kevin: No not him! Fitz hired a new dude. Brett DeMarco!

Randall: WWAAAHH?

Karen: The guy who's been on the news who went missing? He's here?

Kevin: In the flesh! I found out Brett DeMarco is a corrupt pharmacist rep or something....and now he's all ready to go to (opens the door)

The three of them gasp at the now empty room.

Randall: Is this your idea of a prank?!

Kevin: What the fuck!

Karen: I don't see this Brett DeMarco anywhere.

Kevin (shouting and pointing): He was right here! I swear! He was right here! I don't what happened! I had him in leg irons, handcuffs, forced him to work.....

Karen: We can't believe you would do such a thing, Kevin!

Randall: All the stuff you described that you did to him are war crimes!

Karen: Randall, didn't you send out your policeman to find Brett DeMarco?

Randall: I did! And all along our shit for brains son had him in our Lake Cabin

Karen: War crimes? You also made the town of Paradise go in an uproar over his disappearance!

Kevin: Uhhh, uhhh....

Randall: GODDMAMIT KEVIN! You are one fucked up piece of shit! And this proves it! It's like getting my ball shot off all over again! You ruined our anniversary!

Fitz (from far away): That's not all that's going to be ruined!

Karen, Kevin, and Randall turn around. Only to find themselves surrounded by Gerald Fitzgerald and his Legion of DOOOOOM.




Scene 14:


Gerald Fitzgerald and his Legion of DOOOOOM were armed with guns pointed at the Crawford Family.

Karen: Ooooh. I don't like this one bit....

Randall: Gerald Fitzgerald! What the fuck are you doing her?

Fitz: Glad you asked. You see, two days ago, Frank Flipperfist and Pedro Pooptooth were cleaning out the Evidence Room and stole the drugs...

Frank Flipperfist (shows Kevin's iphone): We found this!

Pedro Pooptooth: And everything that was on it!

Pat Robertson: Then they explained to us that it was Kevin Crawford for kidnapped Brett DeMarco.

Russian Mobster: All in a plan to make his parents love him again!

Brett: I want the pleasure to shoot Kevin!

Kevin (panics and shrieks): Oh my gosh! I can't believe I forgot my phone!!!!

Fitz: You have my permission.

Randall (hands Kevin a gun and arms himself with one): Karen, go hide somewhere. Kevin, you got us into this mess, now you're going to get us out!

Kevin: OKay Dad. Maybe your anniversary won't be ruined after all.

Fitz: Ha! How pathetic. There's only two of you. You don't stand a chance against me and my Legion of DOOOOM!

Randall: That's what you think. Now this is going to be a showdown! A Showdown At The OK Corrall!

Matchbook Romance's Monsters Begins to Play.

Randall and Kevin were shooting at Fitz and his Legion of DOOOOOM. Brett DeMarco kept shooting his gun at Kevin.

Brett: How do you like me now, asshole!

Karen (watches the shootout): WWWAAAAAHHHHH!

Randall and Kevin shot back. Then Bethany, Anthony and Cody Matto run out to see what was happening.

Anthony: STOP WITH THAT GUNFIRE! I'm trying to rest and watch CNN! I have to work in the morning!

Cody: I'm trying to study! I have an exam due on Monday!

Bethany: Gerald Fitzgerald! You are the worst Kingpin ever! Where the fuck is my meth! When I want something I want it now!

Fitz: Go fuck yourself you overgrown Veruca Salt.

Brett: Want to shoot these fucks too?

Fitz and Brett both shoot up Anthony, Bethany, and Cody until they were dead in a cesspool of their blood. Then Fitz and his Legion of DOOOOOM went back to try to shoot to kill Randall and Kevin. both discover their guns were out of ammo.

Randall: SHIT! We're out of bullets!

Kevin: So am I!

Fitz and Brett walk up to Randall and Kevin. Brett begins to punch Kevin senseless.

Brett (punches Kevin) This is for chaining me up! This is for making me rake leaves! This is for making me eat shit food! This is for making me hang up clothes, and most of all....this is for almost (punches Kevin repeatedly) sending my ass to FUCKING NORTH KOREA!

Kevin was knocked out cold. Karen walks to him and cries.

Karen: Poor Kevin! Why did you do all this? Why?

Fitz has a gun put on Randall.

Randall: Go ahead. Shoot me you motherfucker! I never liked you working for the Paradise PD anyway. I knew there was something off about you from the start! One of the things that pushed my buttons about you is how you complained about stupid white people shit and racism! And here you were being racist against whites!

Fitz: Good. Guess that makes me a hypocrite then! Being a cop was never one of my strong suits! Hated being a moral compass! Being a Meth Kingpin is a million times better! Oh and about my PTSD. I made that up! Now...

Brett: Prepare to die!

Fitz, Brett, Russian Mobster, Pedro Pooptooth, Frank Flipperfist, and Marcos Narcos all had their guns aimed at Kevin, Karen, and Randall.

Karen (Sobs): Ooooh! I can't look! (covers her eyes)

In a twist of fate, smoke came out of nowhere and hit Frank Flipperfist, Marcos Narcos, Pat Robertson, and Pedro Pooptooth and they fell fast asleep. Fitz and Brett run away when nobody was looking. Song ends.

Randall: We're saved.

Out of the bushes, there was Bullet, Gina, and Dusty.

Randall: Gina! Dusty! Bullet! How did you....

Bullet: You told us about your anniversary.

Gina: We were hiding this whole time.

Dusty: So we saved you. Oh and by the way we were involved in the kidnapping too.

Randall: Wow. I can't believe this. You all saved me. Karen. The danger is over.

Karen: Oh, my word. We'll need an ambulance for Kevin.

Randall: Yeah yeah, sure. I don't know how to repay you guys.

Gina: We're your friends.

Bullet: Yes, we may not be the best cops in the world.

Dusty: When one of our fellow officers is trouble, we always need to have each other's backs!

Karen: Thank you for this. Kevin destroyed our anniversary. And you all saved it.

Randall (carries Karen): Come on Karen. Lets rekindle our romance!

Karen: I'm all for that! Sorry I tried to irk you with Agent Clappers that one time.

Randall: None of the past matters.

Gina: Someday, that's going to be you and me, Dusty!

Dusty: Oh Gina. Didn't you say you wanted me to do a photo shoot tonight?

Gina: Don't worry. We're still on for that!

Bullet: Well, I'll be the one to say it. Alls well that ends well!

Gina, Dusty, and Bullet all laugh. An ambulance was called and took Kevin to the hospital. Randall and Karenn enjoyed their anniversary. Kevin had to be in the hospital for two weeks.


Scene 15 Conclusion:


At the Paradise PD Headquarters. Randall makes a speech for his cops.

Randall: New rule! No more kidnappings! No matter how evil they are!

Kevin: Learned the hard way with that. If I do say so myself.

Bullet: I'm just glad Fitz seemed to have forgotten about it all.

Gina: If he comes after us for what we did to his precious Brett DeMarco. I'll be ready for him!

Dusty: Love these pictures you took, Gina.

Stanley (waking up): I was sleeping. What's going on? Someone tell me.

Randall: From now on the next time we want to capture a henchman, we're going to get a court order for their arrest.

Gina: Sounds good to me. Then I can smash his bones!

Kevin: You know, Fitz has been hiding this whole time.

Dusty: Wonder where he is.

In a courthouse. Fitz was before a judge as was Zeta Matto.

Judge: Gerald Fitzgerald. Congratualtions! You have a very big heart for adopting this girl who's parents and brother were killed in a gang related shooting.

Fitz: My pleasure judge. (To Zeta) Ready to go home?

Zeta: You bet. I don't want to be a Matto anymore. I want to be a Fitzgerald!

Fitz: And you'll be one forever!

Zeta: What's your favorite music?

Fitz: R&B from any decade. How about you?

Zeta: Alternative all the way.

Walking out of the courthouse. Fitz carried Zeta piggyback style. Fitz had adopted Zeta Matto.

Fitz: How about you, me, and Brett all go to Santa Cruz for vacation?

Zeta: Sounds cool to me!

Fitz: You'll never have to go to school again. You can just do virtual learning!

Zeta (hugs Fitz): I'm so happy you adopted me!

Fitz (hugs Zeta back): Me too. You helped me out so much!

Going into the limo back to the Dippin Dots Building. Gerald Fitzgerald and his newly adopted daughter Zeta were all ready to begin their new lives. Brett was there.

Brett: You know. You don't have to leave when you're 18. You can stay with us for as long as you'd like.

Fitz: That way you can take care of us when we're old.

Zeta: Is it true you guys are rich?

Fitz: Oh yes indeed we are!

Brett: So that makes you an heiress! You never have to look for a job in the future! Just do whatever you'd like!

Zeta: What's your favorite adult cartoon?

Fitz: Oh I just like good old fashioned Family Guy and American Dad!

Zeta: I like Bojack Horseman and Big Mouth!

Brett: My favorites are Rick and Morty and Archer.

Zeta: I love you Daddy Fitzgerald! (kisses Fitz)

Fitz: I love you, too! (kisses Zeta)

Brett: We'll be a better family to you than those Mattos ever were!

The Limo drives back to the Dippin Dots Building into the sunset. Fitz, Brett, and Zeta all packed for their vacation. Russian Mobster was in charge of the Legion of DOOOOOM until they came back home.




THE END