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Family Guy


Fanfic Title


Street Corners


by: Trenton Sands


Scene 1:


Peter Griffin was in a chipper happy mood. Coming home from working at the Pawtucket Brewery. Peter was planning to have some fun. Once he gets inside his house, however. Lois, Brian, Chris, Meg and even Stewie were all despressed and miserable beyond belief.

Lois: What's there to be happy about anymore?

Brian: Your guess is as good as mine, Lois.

Peter: Geez, why is everyone so sad?

Lois: We're sad because of you!

Meg: Exactly. All the embarrassing stunts you pull....

Chris: You're very reckless and irresponsible.

Peter: Shut up, Meg! Oh what do you know! I said Shut Up Meg in the first act.

Brian: See? Right there? Want to know what you do to make us depressed? Be yourself. That's what!

Lois: All Peter does is drink and watch TV....

Stewie: Don't forget he always quotes lines from commercials that nobody remembers.

Peter walks out of the room, feeling like he had been attacked. Although he's in the kitchen, he can still hear his family slam him.

Stewie: Seriously? Is "Where's The Beef" still funny to anybody anymore?

Brian: Who cares about that, Stewie? What about all the insults he inflicts on us?

Chris: He swears in church too.

Stewie: I did too. No thanks to him.

Lois: Actually that was my fault. All the times I've sworn in anger I was really mad at Peter!

Peter: Oh my. It tears me up inside that my family is depressed because of me.

Meg: Dad even said I need to be on Cymbalta......

Then Peter gets a light bulb moment.

Peter: That's it! I shall make my family be happy and laugh again! Then they'll forget about all the times I made them sad!

Meg: And he said he's going to put me on Colon Guard.

Peter: Okay, I can't take that anymore. I Peter Griffin will make my family be happy and great again! Even more happier than me, Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland were when we were in the movie Hellcats.


[Cutaway]:


In the woods, it shows Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire get out of a car. Dressed as hippies. Peter goes into the backseat and grabs a bearded man who was a trumpet player and fellow hippie. Joe, Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire carry the bearded trumpet player as he was screaming obscenities until Peter and Quagmire throw him in a pond. Then the four of them laugh.

Quagmire (laughs): Looks like you're all washed up!

Cleveland (laughs): You'll sound better if you played at trumpet underwater!

Bearded Man (inaudible): WHAT YOU ALL DID WAS UNKIND AND INHUMAN! (runs away)

Joe (laughs): What did he say?

Peter: Uhhh, I think he said, blah bleh blee, bloh blaah bbllll-human! (laughs)


[End Cutaway]


Driving around in his car, Peter finds an electronics store. He goes inside. The electronics store was called "ROBOTICS". Their slogan was, "MAKE YOUR OWN ROBOT OR YOUR MONEY BACK!"



Scene 2:


The very next day, Brian was reading a newspaper. Then Brian notices the lights in the Griffin House keep flickering all the time.

Peter (walks into the kitchen): Hey, Brian.

Brian (scoffs): What the fuck is up with these rolling blackouts?

Peter: Yesterday when Lois and the kids told me you were all depressed, I decided to step up and make you all feel better.

Brian: I dread what shit is going to come out of this.

Peter: Anyway, I went into that new store that allows you to build your own robot. It's called Robotics.

Brian: Why did you go there for?

Peter: To build a robot of course...

Brian: Knowing you it's probably Conky 2000 from Pee-Wee's Playhouse.

Peter: Better than that!

Brian: How in the hell would you know how to even build a robot? You need a master's degree in Mechanics. You've never been to college.....

Peter: Say what you will, Brian. When I was at the Robotics Store, they showed me how to make a robot.

Brian: OKay, what's the robot you built that you think is going to make us all happy?

Peter claps his hands. A robot replica of Stan Laurel walks into the kitchen.

Brian: What in the.....what is this even.....

Peter: I can't believe it! You're totally speechless!

Brian: I don't know what to say.

Peter: Don't you recognize him? It's Stan Laurel! As a robot! He's a Stan-Droid! hee hee hee hee hee!

Brian (rolls eyes): Fine. What does 'Stan-Droid' do?

Peter turns on the Stan-Droid and it talks.

Stan-Droid: Greetings. I am Stan-Droid! I require hard boiled and nuts put into my hard drive!

Peter (cracks up): Isn't this great or what! Now laughter and happiness is back in the Griffin house.

Brian: I wouldn't count on it, Peter. Don't expose that thing in public.

Peter: Why not?

Brian: You could be pissing off a lot of Laurel and Hardy fans with that. (walks out of the kitchen)

Peter: Wow! This is awesome! Wait until I show you off at the next Sons of The Desert Fan Club meeting!

Stan-Droid: I most certainly will!

Brian: This is one of the most extreme things Peter has ever done! Way more extreme when Peter thought Oil of Olay was a car oil.



[Cutaway]:


Peter is putting Oil of Olay in the engine sump in the car.

Lois: Peter! Have you seen my Oil of Olay?

Peter: Uhh, yeah! I used it to oil the car!

Lois: You dumbass! (runs to Peter)

Peter: It said "oil" on it. And the car did need some oil....

Lois: That's for younger looking skin, not car engines!

The car exploded in front of Peter and Lois.

Lois: Now look what you did!

Peter: Shit! I should've used Quaker State!

Lois: What do you have to say for yourself!

Peter: Forget Younger Looking Skin! Guess now it's for Dead Looking Cars! hee hee hee hee hee!


TV Voice Over: Oil Of Olay! It's Not Meant for Cars!


[End Cutaway]




Scene 3:


Stan-Droid became a constant guest in the Griffin House. Bothering all the members of the Griffin Family. Peter stands by to watch.

Peter: Oh boy. Stan-Droid is going to Meg's room. This'll be fun!

Stan-Droid had on underwear and was bringing a bowl of salad into Meg's room. Meg turned around to see Stan-Droid in his underwear and screams.

Meg (screaming): There's a naked pervert robot in my room!!! HHHEEELLLLPPPP! (jumps out window.)

Stan-Droid: I was told to serve the salad undressed.

Peter (running into Meg's room): Good one, Stan-Droid! That's the first step to making my family happy again.

Next up, Stan-Droid was carrying a piano upstairs into Chris's room.

Lois: Peter, what the hell is that robot doing with the piano?

Peter: Lois, I know we already have a piano, but I just could not resist. What until you see what Stan-Droid is going to do.

Lois: All right, I'll watch.

Stan-Droid was in Chris's room with the piano. Chris yelped at the sight of both Stan-Droid and the piano.

Chris: Holy shit! There's a robot with a piano in my room! That's even worse than the evil monkey ever was! What do you want me to do with this piano, Mr. Robot?

Stan-Droid: He doesn't want me he wants the other monkey! YOU!

Chris takes the piano by the end, the piano had wheels on it that sent Chris falling down the stairs with it. Peter begins to crack up, Lois feels very offended.

Peter: Wasn't that hilarious! Just like in the Music Box!

Lois: No it wasn't! Don't you know you're not supposed to imitate anything those old timey comedians do! This not being funny, it's outright dangerous.

Peter: I was just trying to make you all happy. You've all been so depressed.

Lois: How? By having a robot replica of Stan Laurel cause pain and chaos in this house?

Peter: It's not hell! It's fun! Way more fun than when I replaced Nicholas Cage in the movie The Rock.

[Cutaway]:

Underground in Alcatraz. Peter had a marine in his sights. Both had guns on each other.

Marine: Do you know what this thing could do?

Peter: Well, duh! Ever heard that Elton John song, Rocket Man.

Marine: What the fuck is a Rocket Man?

Peter: YOU!

The Marine was still intent on trying to shoot Peter who then launches a missile at the marine who goes flying along with the rocket.

Peter: I think it's going to be a long long time!


[End Cutaway]


Lois: We did not need a robot of Stan Laurel to make us happy. Everytime you do something to make things better, it always ends in destruction.

Peter: I don't care what you say! Stan-Droid is here to stay! Aren't you Stan-Droid.

Stan-Droid: I most certainly am!

Lois (scoffs in frustration): What's next? Robots of The Three Stooges? (walks off)

Peter: Don't worry about her, Stan-Droid. She'll just have to learn how to get used to you! Hey, Stan-Droid! Why don't you do something to help me?

Stan-Droid: What can I do? It blew shut!

Peter: hahahahahahahahahaaa!



Scene 4:


Brian was out running some errands. Walking into the parking lot back to his car, Brian sees Stan-Droid laying in wait.

Stan-Droid: If you come back here again, I'll arrest you!

Brian: Gosh, Peter has that thing following me now! (to Stan-Droid): Who will arrest me anyway?

Stan-Droid: I will! I mean, we will.

Brian: Outta my way! I'm not going to put up with this shit!

Stan-Droid proceeds to throw a rock at Brian's car and both run off in opposite directions.

Brian: Been two days now Peter has that robot terrorizing us! (sees his windshield is broken) Fuck! Now I gotta call Safelite.


[Cutaway]:


If you think Empire Floors is an annoying overplayed commercial, wait until you see Safelite. We play our commercials every 15 seconds to get you to try our product. If you have a broken windshield, Safelite will repair it, but it comes with a price. We even have an inaudible commercial jingle, "SAFELITE REPAIR SAFELITE REPLACE!" What the fuck did we just say?

VO: Safelite we're the second most annoying overexposed commercial behind Empire Floors.


In the Griffin house, Lois was going through her drawers. Stan-Droid was behind her without her knowing looking at her slip. She turns around and gasps.

Lois: HEY! Give me that!

Stan-Droid: I couldn't help it! I couldn't help it!

Lois: Too damn bad! The real Stan Laurel wasn't this obnoxious.

Brian charges into Lois's room.

Lois: Oh, Brian. Thank heavens you're here.

Brian: Peter was the one who programmed that robot.

Lois: In other words, Peter made this robot to be the way he wanted it to be.

Brian: There's only one thing left to do.

Lois: Get rid of it?

Brian: Yes, and I think I know of a way. I've seen a lot of Laurel and Hardy movies to know what upsets Stan.

Causally walking up to Stan-Droid, Brian gets in it's face.

Brian: Well, here another nice mess you've gotten me into!

Stan-Droid: sobbing! sobbing! sobbing! Does not compute! Does not compute! sobbing! sobbing! sobbing! Does not compute! Does not compute!

Lois and Brian watch as Stan-Droid ran far far away from the Griffin house. Peter sees Stan-Droid running away a and tries to catch up to it, but it proved to be too fast for him.

Peter: Stan-Droid! Stan-Droid! Wait! Come back! I was going to show you to the next Sons of the Desert fan club.

Running back into the house, Peter demands to know what happened to Stan-Droid.

Peter: ALL RIGHT! I WANT TO KNOW! What has gotten Stan-Droid so upset? What did you do to him?

Lois: That thing was just causing so much mischief in this house.

Brian: I told it off and it's gone for good. Deal with it!

Peter: Oh well. I already forgot about it. I'll just find something else fun to do.

Lois (cynically): Great.



Scene 5:


Brian was in Stewie's bedroom making his bed. Stewie walks into his bedroom wearing a fedora and carrying a briefcase.

Stewie: (grumbling takes off fedora and sets down briefcase)

Brian: Good thing you were in daycare. You would not believe what stunt Peter pulled.

Stewie: Save it for someone who cares.

Brian: What's your problem?

Stewie: Everytime I ride my tricycle back from daycare, cars just keep whizzing by me left and right. I'm sick of it! Worst part about that is the noise! (shuddered)

Brian: Well, have you tried riding your tricycle on the sidewalks?

Stewie: Tried everything and nothing works. No matter how I ride, cars, trucks, SUVs keep speeding by almost knocking me over with excessive force!

Brian: Well, then what's the solution? What do you think should be done about this?

Stewie: I've been working on an invention off and on lately. In fact just a few minor adjustments and it will finally be done.

Brian watches Stewie go inside his Weapons Room and sees Stewie mix and stir up some liquid then put it in a can. Stewie comes up and displays his newest invention with pride.

Stewie: Ta-da and viola!

Brian (reads the can): Street Corners? What does this thing do?

Stewie: It's an aerosol spray. All I need to do is spray some of this stuff on the road. Then cars, trucks, and even motorcycles will skid off. Therefore, those fucking vehicles will never disturb by trike rides ever again!

Brian: You mean that spray makes cars slide off the road? Stewie? Have you any regard for the passengers inside who are driving?

Stewie: I knew you were going to find some kind of fault with this, Brian. To answer your question, those passengers who drive the cars mean nothing to me. I'm a sociopath you know.

Brian: You're no better than Macaulay Culkin in The Good Son when he had that "Mr. Highway" dummy.

Stewie: Oh, I strive to be even greater than that piece of shit. It's going to be awesome to cause an eight lane pile up with this. It'll be be more fun than Honky Tonk Freeway.



[Cutaway]:


A night time scene is shown. Cars were driving single file. With policemen guiding the cars in which direction to go. Then a group of men watch the cars go by.

Man #1: What in the fuck are you doing to those poor tourists?

Man #2: We're just showing them a real shitty time!


[End Cutaway]



Brian: Know what? Do what you will with this. I won't take no part.

Stewie: All right then! Go ahead! Walk away! COWARD! You really are the real life Holden Caufield! The more you disapprove the more fun it is for me!




Scene 6:


Lois goes to play bingo with Bonnie and Donna. Peter sees her leave.

Peter: Where are you going?

Lois: Just going to play bingo with Donna and Bonnie. While I'm gone, be sure to change Stewie's diaper. Got it?

Peter: Yes, Lois. I'll do that on the double.

Lois: Wonderful, I always knew I can depend on you. Goodbye for now. Oh and warm up those leftovers for today's' dinner. If the phone rings, leave a message.

Peter: OKay got it!

As Lois leaves, Peter puts the leftovers in the oven to warm up.

Peter: Good. One less thing to worry about. Now let's to change Stewie's diapers.

Going into Stewie's bedroom, Peter could not find Stewie nor his diapers.

Peter (groans): Holy Freaking Crap! No Stewie and now I can't find this diapers! Son of a bitch! Why must Lois always leave me to do these Herculean Tasks!

Frantically trying to search for Stewie's diapers, the phone rings.

Peter (rushing to answer the phone): What now?

Answering the phone, on the other end, it was a voice Peter didn't recognize.

Peter: Hello, Griffin residence.

The voice on the other end was a man named Dick Phoenix.

Dick Phoenix: May I please speak to Lois Griffin.

Peter: She just left, who is this?

Dick Phoenix: My name is Dick Phoenix, and I'm with the Avon company.

Peter: Go on.

Dick Phoenix: Lois ordered one of the finest collection of our skin care products. Please put her on.

Peter: I told you, she's not here. Just leave your name and phone number.

Dick Phoenix: No problem let her know I called.

Peter jots down the name and phone number. Peter got the phone number right, but not the name. On the note Peter writes, "Call Dick Penis". Then hangs up the phone.

Stewie was outside playing in his sandbox with He-Man and Skeletor toys Peter sees him.

Peter: I know! I'll call him like you would a dog.

Stewie (playing): ha ha ha ha ha! I just fucked you up the ass! How do you like me now, Skeletor!

Peter (calling and shaking a box of baby food): Stewie come for meat! Lots and lots of meat!

Stewie: Hey, I just thought of something, I'll have He-Man make a gay porn with Skeletor! Brilliant!

Peter (calling Stewie again): Stewie come for meat! Lots and lots of meat!

Stewie was too emersed with playing with his He-Man toys. Peter then decides to look for the diapers. Still is unable to find them.

Peter: Come on! Come on! Where in the fuck does Lois keep these god damned diapers! Why must I be swamped up to my neck with all these backbreaking chores! I haven't been this frustrated when I tried to get Meg to watch Black Sheep Squadron.



[Cutaway]:


Meg was in the living room watching some shows on the CW. Peter walks in.

Peter: Hey, Meg? Whatcha watching there?

Meg: I'm watching Riverdale and Nancy Drew.

Peter: Oh, come on! You're a senior in high school, and you're still watching shows aimed at teenagers?

Meg: These shows are for young adults!

Peter: Grow up you 18 year old! Scootch over and I'll show you something more age appropriate!

Meg (protests): Dad! Don't....go away...

Peter turns off the CW and turns on Black Sheep Squadron.

Meg: War shows?

Peter: Not just any war show! Black Sheep Squadron! It's a great show for teenage girls to watch! Trust me on this one!

Meg: How is this better for me than Riverdale and Nancy Drew?

Peter (points): That's why! Look at them going to harass those asshole Japanese pilots.

Pilot on TV: Hey Rice Boy.....

Peter (cracks up): Did you hear that! They called him Rice Boy!

Meg (gasps): Oh my gosh! That's so racist! How can you think that type of humor is funny!

Peter: Oh grow up you crybaby social justice warrior!


[End Cutaway]



After minutes what seemed like forever, Peter finally finds the diapers. Then he hits the jackpot when Peter finds something else. Stewie's invention Street Corners.

Peter: Hello, what's this!

Right beside the spray bottle of Street Corners, Peter sees some instructions.

Peter: Holy freaking awesome! Bet I can make a sketch comedy skit out of this! Fame and fortune here I come!




Scene 7:


Lois came home from playing bingo. Walking into the kitchen. She is very pleased that Peter kept up the place. That was until she saw the note that Peter left. She groans in frustration. Peter hears her immediately.

Peter: Whatever is the problem, Lois?

Lois: Who's this Dick Penis guy you want me to call?

Peter: Oh that. That was some dude from Avon who wanted to speak with you.

Lois: You dumbass! His last name was Phoenix not Penis!

Peter: All right, sorry. Anyway, I did everything you me to do.

Lois: I'm glad you were able to Peter.

Peter: You won't believe what else I found.

Lois sees Peter holding out the aerosol can of Street Corners and a sheet of paper that came with it.

Peter: Does your father still have connections at CBS?

Lois: Why would you want to show an aerosol can to CBS?

Peter: I got a idea for a comedy sketch.

Lois: Daddy doesn't have connections at CBS anymore. Now he owns stock in NBC.

Peter: Even better. Luckily for me Saturday Night Live is still going on.

Lois (sees Peter going out of the house): Where are you going?

Peter: To go talk to your father, where else?

Brian comes into the living room as soon as Peter drives off.

Lois: Oh hey Brian.

Brian: Hey, Lois. Where's Peter off to?

Lois: He got some kind of aerosol spray can to make an SNL comedy sketch out of it.

Brian (jumps up and yelps): WWWHHHHAAAATTTT???!!!

Lois: What's the big deal? Is there a problem.

Brian (panics): Oh nothing! Just go about your day!

Lois scoffs as Brian runs out of the room in a hurry.



Scene 8:


Stewie got done playing in the sandbox. About to go in his bedroom to check out his 'Street Corners' invention. Brian sees Stewie go into the house.

Brian: Guess I better warn him.

Entering his bedroom, Stewie looks everywhere and his Street Corners aerosol can spray was gone.

Stewie: BLAST! WHAT THE DEUCE! WHO DARED TO TAKE AWAY MY STREET CORNERS!!!

Brian (rushing into Stewie's room): Look. Before you get all accusatory...

Stewie: HA! So you admit it! You took away my Street Corners spray.

Brian: NO! I know who the real culprit was. Peter. Lois told me so herself. I would never sabotage anything you invent. Don't you know that about me by now?

Stewie: How in the world could you let that happen!

Brian: Oh come on! I have a life outside this house too you know. I shouldn't have to spend all my time keeping tabs on your inventions day in and day out.

Stewie: Where exactly were you?!

Brian: I was at the bar. Was going to pick up a hot girl, and Quagmire got to her before I could! Quagmire even gave me the middle finger after he took that girl right out from under me.

Stewie (calms down): Okay. I believe. Guess I got mad at the wrong person.

Brian: Exactly. It's Peter you should be mad at. He plans to use your Street Corners spray and turn it into a comedy sketch!

Stewie: The fatman wants to use my Street Corners as comedy hey? I'll plan some revenge on him.

Brian: Is this going to be like that Ben Stiller and Jack Black movie Envy?

Stewie: What does that have to do with anything!

Brian: I know how you can get back at Peter.

Stewie: Really tell me..

Brian: You know, yesterday. Peter invented a robot of Stan Laurel and called it a Stan-Droid....




Scene 9:


Peter was at the Pewterschimdt mansion. Ringing the door until Carter answered. Carter was never in good spirits whenever he was in Peter Griffin's presence.

Carter: What is it, Peter? Can't believe I'm wasting my time with a scumbag like you.

Peter: Hello, Carter. Tis, I! It's your favorite son in law! And I don't mean Pauly Shore! (giggles)

Carter: Make it fast, I haven't got all day.

Peter: OKay. So here's the skippy. You have some stock in NBC, right?

Carter: Not that it's any of your concern, but yet.

Peter: Now, I need one of your escorts..

Carter (shocked with wide eyes) ESCORTS! (hushed tone) Keep your voice down! I don't want Babs to know I have escorts.

Peter: No not that. I meant to say 'chauffers' to drive me to the NBC Studios.

Carter: Done! After this, you get out of my sight. Understood?

Peter: Understood! (salutes)

Carter: Don't salute me! I'm not a General!

Before he knew it, Peter was in a limo on his way to the NBC Studios. When the chauffer drops him off, Peter pays him and enters the NBC Building.

Peter: Thank you, Mr. Escort!

Chauffer: God dammit! I'm a chauffer! Where are people getting 'escort' from?



Scene 10:


Peter was now meeting with the President of NBC. Caesar Conde.

Caesar: Pleasure to have you here with us Mr. Griffin. So what do you have to show for us?

Peter: What's this here I hold? I do not know what it is! Sorry I couldn't resist. That was from Gay Men in Bondage from Monty Python.

Caeser: Monty Python hey? I can already tell you have a great sense of humor. What's this sketch you want to pitch for our great long lasting comedy show, Saturday Night Live?

Peter (shows the aerosol can): You guys always like to spoof commercials and products. Hows about this.

Caeser: Hmmm, I like it already. What's the purpose of this?

Peter (reads from the paper): Hey, bicyclists. Tired of sharing the road with oncoming cars that always whiz by you? Do you feel very annoyed when Semi Trucks, regular trucks, and or SUVs seems to throw you off the road. Then you need all new, fast acting, Street Corners!

Caeser: Oh my gosh! That's hilarious! Tell me some more.

Peter (reads from the paper): Yes, Street Corners. If you want the streets all to yourself. Just spray Street Corners into either your neighborhood street. Or the highway. Or better yet, the freeway.

Caesar (laughs heartedly): I love it! We'll take it! Your sketch will air on the next SNL episode.

Peter: Awesome! I never thought a comedy sketch I made up would come true. This is way better than my original idea where Mario and Sonic ended their rivalry and resolved their differences.


[Cutaway]


Mario and Sonic were at a swanky restaurant.

Sonic: I'm so glad we're friends now.

Mario: Me too. There was no point in us being enemies. Now we both work for Nintendo!

Sonic: Since then, people on Deviantart and Fanfiction dot net even draw pictures of us being friends.

Mario: Yes not only that. They draw pictures of me being in your games.

Sonic: And us being in each other's cartoons!

Mario: Because of them, now we're more than just friends.

Sonic and Mario were about to kiss. Then Princess Toadstool walks in on them.

Princess Toadstool (shrieks): Mario! Are you locking lips with a hedgehog?

Mario: Sorry Princess. It's not what you think.....



[End Cutaway]



Scene 11:


Lois was on the phone with Peter. When she hangs up, she's ecstatic.

Chris: Good news, Mom?

Lois: You won't believe it! Peter is in New York. He pitched an idea for an SNL sketch and it got approved.

Chris: That's awesome Mom! Now when kids in school ask me who that fat guy was on SNL, I'll say "Hey, That's My Dad!"

Lois: You haven't heard the best part. Peter is actually going to host tonight's episode!

Meg: Uhhh, I can't watch it tonight. You see, my friends Patty, Ruth, and Ester...

Lois: Don't even think about it, Meg. We all know you don't have plans with Patty, Ruth, and Ester.

Meg (moaning): Why do I have to stay home and watch Dad host Saturday Night Live? He'll embarrass us!

Lois: Knock that shit off, Meg. For the first time in our lives, Peter is making us happy. We're going to show him support.

Chris: Count me in, Mom!

Meg: Fine. Like I have a choice.....

Lois, Chris, and Meg were cleaning around the living room. Brian and Stewie were outside.

Stewie: What's the plan again?

Brian: I'm going to summon Stan-Droid to come back. Then we will use Stan-Droid to humiliate Peter on national television.

Stewie: How are we going to do that? You made it run away as you told me.

Brian: Easy. (whistles)

When Brian calls back Stan-Droid. Stewie take a good look at him.

Stan-Droid: Greetings I am Stan-Droid I require hard boiled eggs and nuts put into my hard drive.

Stewie gets an idea.

Brian: You finally met Stan-Droid. Now what we're going to do...

Stewie: Allow me to quote Dr. Evil in Austin Powers. Zip It! I have a plan! Come along, dog. Bring Stan-Droid into my room.

Brian and Stewie take Stan-Droid into Stewie's bedroom. Stewie begins to dissemble Stan-Droid.

Stan-Droid (singing slowly): Dai..sy Dai...sy...give...me....your...an....swer.....true....

Brian: Where did you learn how to dissemble a robot like that?

Stewie: Short Circuit movies.

Brian (sighs): What is it with robots always singing "Daisy" when they get turned off?

Stewie: Blame Stanley Kubrick for that. 2001 A Space Odessy my ass! 2001 wasn't like the actual 2001!

Brian: No shit for sure. Okay, we have about 4 hours until Peter makes his debut for his SNL sketch.

Stewie: The SNL sketch about my invention no doubt! Oooooh! The fatman makes me so mad sometimes!

Stan-Droid was dissembled. Stewie was now wearing a welding mask and was going to rebuild Stan-Droid.

Brian: What robot are you going to make out of Stan-Droid.

Stewie: Oh you'll see!



Scene 12:


The big moment of Peter Griffin hosting Saturday Night Live had arrived. Thus the debut of his Street Corners sketch as well. Lois, Meg, and Chris were gathered to watch Peter on Saturday Night Live. Brian was headed out the door.

Lois: Brian? Where are you going? Don't you want to see Peter's big moment?

Brian: Uhhh, I'm going to watch at Cleveland's instead. You know, for diversity reasons.

Lois: Whatever Brian. Turn it on it's starting!

Chris: On it, Mom! (turns on TV)

Meg: Uhh, kill me now.

As Chris, Meg, and Lois were watching Peter make his big debut, Brian and Stewie were riding on the newly built Stan-Droid robot. Which was no longer a Stan Laurel replica robot. For now it was a Fatty Arbuckle replica robot.

Brian: Faster Fatty Arbotle! Faster.

Stewie: No worries Brian. We'll be in New York in 10 seconds flat.

Brian: Want to play some mood music.

Stewie: All right. I'll play us something from the 1980s. We all like the eighties.

Pressing a button on the "Fatty Arbotle", the song Sunglasses At Night by Corey Hart plays.

Brian: Ehhh, seems some what appropriate.

In New York, Peter was about to set foot on stage of Saturday Night Live.

Peter: Oh boy! I'm going to have so much fun with this. I host SNL and I have a sketch that's going to be shown!

Don Pardo: Special Guest Tonight, Peter Griffin.

Peter (jumping and giggling): THAT'S ME! THAT'S ME! THAT'S ME!

Don Pardo: Musical Guest Nicki Minaj.

The Saturday Night Live band was playing the theme song. Peter was walking to main stage.

Don Pardo: Ladies and Gentleman! Peter Griffin!

Peter takes his place on the stage and talks into a microphone. To do his opening monologue.

Audience: YAY! YAY! HOO! HOO!

Peter: Thank you! Thank you! Good to be here, tonight! Hey, I'm Peter Griffin. You can say I'm just an ordinary average joe. It's not very often that a regular guy like me gets to host Saturday Night Live! I mean regular as in taking Metamucil! hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!

Man in audience: I can already tell this dude is going to be funny!

Audience: YAY! HOO!

Peter: The reason why I'm hosting is because I came up with a comedy sketch that will be shown later in this episode. That is going to absolutely blow you all away.....

After Peter said that, Brian and Stewie came crashing into the studio from the roof.

Stewie: HHHHIIIII-YYYYAAAAAHHHH!

Brian: What the fuck was that?

Stewie: I was being Miss Piggy from The Great Muppet Caper.

The audience gasped in horror and confusion as they saw a Fatty Arbuckle robot about to beat up on Peter.
Back home, Lois was surprised too.

Lois: Oh no! What's happening?

Chris: My poor Dad!

Meg: Hope somebody saves him.

Lois: Oh, Meg. Stop pretending like you care about your father.

Back in New York. Peter was getting beaten senselessly by the Fatty Arbuckle robot.

Peter: Holy shit! Son of a bitch! Get this Fatty Arbuckle robot off of me! Where the fuck did this come from?

Nicki Minaj: Is this part of the show?

While Fatty Arbotle was beating up Peter, Brian and Stewie go backstage.

Stewie: Try to look for my Street Corners aerosol can.

Brian finds it.

Stewie: Good job, and the paper instructions that go with it.

Brian (holding the instructions and Street Corners can): Got everything.

Stewie: All right. Like Bender from Futurama during the Comedy Central era, LET'S GO ALREADY!

Brian: Just wait one minute.

Stewie scoffed when Brian comes onto the stage.

Brian: Ladies and gentlemen. Do not panic. Due to circumstances beyond our control, we are unable to show you the newly anticipated 'Street Corners' sketch.

Audience: (moans in disappointment)

Brian: Actually, it was really MY idea for a comedy sketch to give to David Letterman. But this fucking son of a bitch stole it from me. As the old saying goes, confession is good for the soul. Isn't that right, Peter.

Peter: Buhhh. Pluhhh, pluhhhh.

Brian: See? He admits he stole it from me. Thank you and enjoy the show.

Stewie: Fatty Arbotle, come with us now.

Peter was beaten. An ambulance came for him. Stewie summoned the Fatty Arbotle to fly them home. Thankfully Lois turned off the TV before she saw Brian come to the stage.

Lois: Turn it off. I've seen enough.




Scene 13 Conclusion:


Monday dawned on Quahog. Peter was still in the hospital. Stewie decides to try out his new Street Corners aerosol spray.

Stewie (spraying Street Corners): This is going to be the best Monday ever.

Brian: You're going to see if your invention really works?

Stewie: Been wanting to but as you remember Peter stole it from me.

Brian: Yes I know.

Stewie: Good thing I erased everyone's memories about the whole Saturday Night Live fiasco via those memory eraser lights that Will Smith used in Men In Black.

Brian: I still remember. Peter might too. Did you ever take that into consideration?

Stewie: Don't worry. I have a plan for that. But for right now, I want to see this plan in action.

Brian: Hope you're not mad at me that I took the credit for writing the sketch.

Stewie: I know. I know. It's like you always say, "Nobody would believe a baby".

Brian: Here comes some cars now.

Stewie: Shut up and watch!

Riding down the highway, there were cars, trucks, vans, and SUVs. As soon as all the vehicles drove over the part of the road where Stewie sprayed 'Street Corners'. All the vehicles skidded off. Crashed into one another causing a huge pileup.

Brian: Wow. It really does work.

Stewie: My genius even impresses me.

Brian: Hope this doesn't get traced back to you.

Stewie: I said it once I say it again, "Nobody would believe a baby!"

Brian: Yeah, I get the point. What is your plan with Peter to block his memory about SNL?

Stewie: Remember Fatty Arbotle....


In a New York City hospital, Peter begins to wake up from sleeping.

Peter: Where am I? Last I recall I was on SNL...

The Fatty Arbotle walks his way into Peter's hospital room.

Peter: Hey, it's all coming back to me now. I was going to introduce a sketch on that show and...(screams) You're that Fatty Arbuckle looking....

Fatty Arbotle (in robot voice): You won't remember anything. THIS WON'T HURT A BIT!

Peter: No No No! Please! Don't hurt me! Don't kill me....

Fatty Arbotle uses a memory eraser light on Peter. Falling asleep in the hospital, once he woke up again, Peter had no recollection of what happened over the past weekend. Peter Griffin was picked up by Lois once he recovered and went back to Quahog. In the meantime, Stewie was enjoying his new "Street Corners" aerosol spray causing lots of traffic accidents. Much to Brian's chagrin.



THE END