FicWad

Horror: Do you like my outfit?
Lust: Not as much as I like what's underneath it.
Horror: L-lust-
Lust: I need your chair. Get up.
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Killer, betrayed: You tricked me!
Dust: No, I merely deceived you. "Tricked" makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.
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Ink: You're smiling, did something good happen?
Blueberry: I can't smile because I feel like it?
Dream: Fell tripped and fell (Yes PUN) in the parking lot.
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Blueberry: Things have actually been going really well with Lust. Our friendship is in a really good place.
Blueberry: Last week I said, “Did you know the weiner dog is neither a weiner nor a dog?” Instead of saying, “Shut up, Blue,” they said, “Okay.”
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Frisk, to Chara: I dare you to—
Kris: Chara isn’t allowed to accept dares.
Chara: Apparently I have ”no regard for my personal safety”
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Fell: I am at a loss for words!
Plum, telling Sprinkle later: Despite being lost for words, my dad yelled at me for the next 45 minutes.
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Haven: I relate to Belle because she loves books and likes people for who they are!
Lust: I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies
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Classic: I married my husband. I love saying ‘my husband,’ it sounds so adult.
Edge: ‘That’s my husband.’ It’s great, you sound like a person.
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Ink: I am very small
Ink: And I have no money
Ink: So you can imagine the kind of stress I’m under
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Sci, bad at flirting: I like your name
Fresh, equally as bad: Thanks, I got it for my birthday
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Dust: kicks “G” off Graveyard sign
Horror: Let’s get this party started
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Carrot: If you tear more holes in a net, it would end up having fewer.
Creampuff: STOP
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Classic: Why do you have a diary?
Frisk: To keep secrets from my computer.
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Blueprint: signs a legal document with a glitter gel pen
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Fury, dumping out a shopping bag full of Lunchables onto the table: Tonight, we feast.
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Horror: Welcome to my very first vlog in which I will try different hair products!
Horror: sprays the hairspray into his mouth
Horror: Well, right off the bat I can tell you that this one is not very good
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Blueberry: You will machete through this!
Blueberry: *make it
Blueberry: do not machete your way through this
Sprinkle: too late
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Frisk: I like your shirt!
Chara: Thanks remembers people like bad boys I stole it remembers people also like nice guys from an old man I was helping walk across the street
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Aaron: accidentally hits Sprinkle in the face
Aaron: *trying to decide between saying “I’m fucking sorry” and “are you okay?”
Aaron: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
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Gradient: Look, let’s just agree to say “I’m sorry” on the count of three
Gradient: One, two, three
Gradient:
PaperJam:
Gradient: See, now I’m just disappointed in both of us
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Goth: If I run and leap at my dad, he'll catch me in their arms!
Goth: runs and leaps at Reaper
Reaper, who is holding coffee: drops the coffee to catch Goth
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Cross: Sorry, but you're under arrest for robbery.
Dream: What did I steal?
Cross, trying not to cry: My heart.
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Epic: calls Nightmare
Epic: Hey I hate to be “that guy” but I glued myself to the ceiling again
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Dust: Do you miss the imagination of childhood?
Nightmare: I never had one.
Dust: An imagination or a childhood?
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Dream: You’re a lying, cheating, piece of shit! You’re not the person I married!
Cross: Fine then! We’re getting a divorce! And I’m taking the kids!
Lux, pushing the monopoly board away from them: …Maybe we should stop playing
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Pallet: Name one time I haven’t acted professional
Fell Pallet: You’re holding a juice box right now
Pallet: It’s to stop me from spilling my juice.
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Starcross: Rules were made to be broken!
Jex: Yeah, well, bodies weren't!
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Gradient: Did Crescent just tell me they loved me for the first time?
PaperJam: Yeah.
Gradient: And did I do finger guns back?
PaperJam: Yeah, you did.
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Nyala: Why are your tongues purple?
Sprinkle: We had slushies, I had a blue one.
Aaron: I had a red one.
Nyala: Oh
Nyala:
Nyala: OH
Fury:
Fury: You drank each other's slushies?
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Blueberry: Hello, welcome to Applebees, would you like apples or bees?
Ink: B-bees?
Blueberry: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES.
Ink: W-wait-
Dust, walking in with a jar of bees:
Ink: WAIT
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Nightmare: I can't believe we're stuck in this room together.
Dream, swallowing the key: Truly unfortunate.
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[If Killer was a kid for 24 hours]
Smol Killer, playing around with something in Sci's lab: Onion rings are just vegetable donuts.
Sci, who has gotten used to this: Sure they are, kid.
Smol Killer: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.
Sci: Ok.
Smol Killer: Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
Sci:
Smol Killer, oblivious: Lobsters are just mermaids to scorpions
Sci, crying: Killer please stop-
Nightmare, fascinated: No, continue, please.
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Cross: Let me see what you have
Starcross: A knife!
Cross: Ok have fu-
Dream: NO
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Ink: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.
Cross: Violently practices
Sci: Violently studies
Classic: Violently sleeps
Fell: Violently shoots pictures
Lust: Violently boxes
Blueberry: Violently murders people
Dream: Violently worries about the previous statement
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Error: I could kill you if I wanted to, Blue
Blueberry: Yeah? So could another monster.
Error:
Blueberry: So could a dog.
Error:
Blueberry: So could a dedicated duck
Error:
Blueberry: You aren't special Error.
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Dust, following Blue for hours:
Nightmare: Any news?
Dust, crying: I've haven't even heard him talk and I'm in love with him, boss.
Nightmare:
Nightmare: Damnit-
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Dream, banging on the door: Blue open up!
Blueberry: Well, it all started when I was a kid...
Ink: No he meant-
Cross: Let him finish.
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Random Person: Please don't kill me!
Nightmare, kills them:
Baby Noir, desperately trying to hand the corpse a soggy cheerio:
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Dream: Why would you hand a knives to children?!
Killer: They felt unsafe.
Dream: Now I feel unsafe!
Killer: I'm sorry.
Killer:...Would you like a knife?
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Dust: Can you tuck me in?
Horror: You just handed me a shovel.
Dust: Yeah, just spread the dirt over me evenly, thanks
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Error: Me and Ink don't have pet names for each other.
Error 404: Uh huh...
Error 404: What is Ink's favorite food again?
Error: Skittles?
Ink, from the other side of the room: Yes Windows Vista?
Error 404: Don't lie to my face again.
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Raven: What's worst than a heart break?
Sugar: Realizing dragons can't blow out their birthday candles.
Raven:
Raven: Sugar-
Dragon, in the corner crying:
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Melon: You have 7 chairs and 10 kids, What do you do?
Everyone except Melon, crying in 100+ kids:
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Dream: Y-...You've killed me..
Nightmare: Good
The Play director: WHAT THE-
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Ink: You know those moments when I tell you something isn't a good idea-
Error: -And then I ignore you, yeah.
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Blueberry: I will not hesitate to strangle you.
Horror: Can you even reach my neck?
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Dreamswap!Nightmare: I wanted to apologize.
Dreamswap!Dream: Good.
Dreamswap!Nightmare: Let me finish. I said I wanted to. And then I realized, I'm not sorry.
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Blueberror, waking up from a deep sleep: Where am I?
Error, sarcastically: Heaven.
Blueberror: Oh...
Blueberror:
Blueberror: Didn't think you'd be here.
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Chara, talking about their parents: They gave me a 'get better soon' card.
Frisk: Aw, that's sweet.
Chara: I wasn't sick, they just thought that I could do better.
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PaperJam: You always look so unapproachable.
Crescent: And yet, here you are.
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Blueberry: Being 4'0 is so hard sometimes.
G: This is true, I remember being 5 and not being able to reach anything.
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Ink: My head hurts.
Dream: That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.
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Frisk: I know we don't always see eye to eye on things-
Kris: That's because you're too short.
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Me: Give me freedom or give me death.
Killer: pulls out knife
Me: YES!
Killer: I'll give you death, I'm cool with that.
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Dust: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so is baby oil-?
Nightmare: Can't we just have a nice dinner for once?
BONUS
Horror: Can I go somewhere?
Nightmare:
Dust: WAIT-
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Shattered: What am I doing wrong?
Blueberry: Do you want me to answer as a friend or a therapist?
Shattered: As a friend.
Blueberry: See a therapist.
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Ink: You're violent.
Yanberry: Yeah, but I'm short so it's adorable.
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Cross: What's your biggest fear?
Ink: Being forgotten.
Cross: Wow, that's deep.
Cross: Mine's cows but I feel kinda stupid about it now.
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Starcross: Are you SURE I can't punch them in the face?
Lux: Yes.
Starcross: What if I just broke their nose a little bit?
Lux: No.
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Fell!Goth: I have feelings for you.
Fell!Pallet: You do?
Fell!Goth: Yes. I feel you're a little annoying.
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Plum: How tall are you?
Noir: Height is a social construct.
Plum: So you're short?
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Gradient: So what do you do in your free time?
Crescent: I stalk people.
Gradient: Okay... I like to swim.
Crescent: I know.
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Aaron: Jail's no fun, I'll tell you that.
Sprinkle: You've been?
Aaron: Once, in Monopoly.
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Blueberry: Name a way to be nice to others.
Fury: Don't kill them.
Blueberry: ...
Blueberry: Setting the bar a little low, but I'll allow it.
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Gradient: Hey, can you hold this for me?
Crescent: This is your hand...
Gradient: Yeah.
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Blueberry, internally: I wonder what Dusty is thinking about! They're so cool and mysterious!
Dust, internally: wii music
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Lust: I said I was okay! My bones broke my fall!
Sci: Actually I'm pretty sure they just broke.
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Epic: Bruh, are you getting enough sleep?
Dream: Sometimes when I sneeze my eyes close.
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Fell: Lust is ugly.
Lust: Wha-
Blueberry: Fell, Lust isn't a mirror.
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Ink: Why are you late?
Classic: A technical error occurred causing an unexpectedly long bought of unconsciousness.
Blueberry, internally: Oh Error.
Ink: Overslept?
Classic: Overslept.
Blueberry, internally: Oh, well I'm off to find my sharpest taco's.
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Yanberry: Can you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?
Ink: crouches down
Shattered: gets on knees
Yanberry:
Yanberry: I hope you both die.
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Creampuff: ... What are you doing?
Classic, making a summoning circle in the living room: Didn't you tell me to satanize the house?
Creampuff: I said SANATIZE!
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Ink, driving Gradient and PaperJam: So how was your day?
Gradient: We almost got surprise adopted!
Ink: What?
PaperJam: We almost got kidnapped.
Ink: Oh, okay.
Ink: slams on the breaks WAIT WHAT?!
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Ink, texting Dream: Dream! Help I’m being kidnapped
Dream: Where are you?
Ink: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help.
Dream: I’ll call Blueberry.
Blueberry, answering their cell: Hello?
Dream: Where’s Ink? They texted me that they were being kidnapped.
Blueberry: Ink? Whaddya mean, they're right next to me-
Blueberry:
Blueberry: I’ll call you back. hangs up
Blueberry: THE NEW OUTFIT ISN’T THAT BAD!
Ink: WHO ARE YOU?!
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Horror: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.
Dust: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.
Dream: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-
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Horror: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Killer: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Dust: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Crescent: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Error: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Nightmare:
Nightmare: I have emotional scars.
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Horror: Croissants: dropped
Killer: Road: works ahead
Dust: Shavacado: fre
Cross: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead
Nightmare:
Nightmare: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
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Cross: I told Starcross their ears flush when they lie.
Dream: Why?
Cross: Look.
Cross: Hey Starcross! Do you love us?
Starcross, covering his ears: No.
Dream:
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Killer: We need to get through this locked door. Cross, give me your credit card.
Cross: Here.
Killer, pocketing it: Thanks. Dust, kick down the door.
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Epic: Cross and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us
Nightmare: Sighing What did Cross do?
Epic: He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...
Cross: Who wants a steering wheel?
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Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker
Starcross: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Lux: ...I did. I broke it.
Starcross: No. No you didn't. PaperJam?
PaperJam: Don't look at me. Look at Crescent.
Crescent: What?! I didn't break it.
PaperJam: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Crescent: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
PaperJam: Suspicious.
Crescent: No, it's not!
Gradient: If it matters, probably not, but Noir was the last one to use it.
Noir: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Gradient: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Noir: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Gradient!
Lux: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Starcross.
Starcross: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Gradient: Starcross... PaperJam's been awfully quiet.
PaperJam: rEALLY?!
Everyone starts arguing
Starcross, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Starcross: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Starcross:
Starcross: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
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Lux: Hewwo.
Gradient: Hihiiiiii!
PaperJam: Greetings, Skeletons.
Noir: I want pudding.
Crescent: Four kinds of people.
Starcross: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?
Crescent: Five kinds of people.
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The squad is over at Starcross's house
Lux: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?
Starcross: ... N-No...
Starcross, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???
Lux, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!
PaperJam: I see a-
Starcross, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
Lux: Oh, well I-
Starcross: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- fiddles with the buttons on the microwave
Starcross, amazed: Its got a bake setting!
Crescent: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!
Gradient: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?
Starcross: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!
Starcross: I am someone who owns four ovens...
Starcross, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...
Starcross: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...
Noir, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!
Starcross:
Lux: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!
Starcross:
Starcross, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS
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Starcross: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
Lux: Okay, but what is updog?
PaperJam: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Crescent: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Gradient: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Noir: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Starcross: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Crescent: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
PaperJam: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
Lux: What’s a henway??
Starcross: Oh, about five pounds.
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Starcross: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Lux: >:O language
Gradient: Yeah watch your fucking language
Crescent: OKAY WHO TAUGHT GRANDIET THE FUCK WORD?
PaperJam: 'The fuck word'.
Noir: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
PaperJam: Oh my god they fucking censored it.
Gradient: Say fuck, Noir.
PaperJam: Do it, Noir. Say fuck.
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'Can I copy the homework?'
Gradient: I can help you with it!
Lux: Yeah, sure.
PaperJam: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.
Noir: lol nope.
Starcross: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!
Crescent: Read 5:55pm
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Starcross: We need to distract these guys
Lux: Leave it to me
Lux: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Noir, Crescent, and PaperJam: Immediately begin arguing
Grandite, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.
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Lux: Just be yourself.
Crescent: 'Be myself'? Lux, I have one day to win Gradient over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?
Noir: Couple weeks.
Starcross: Six months.
PaperJam: Jury’s still out.
Crescent: See, Lux?
Crescent: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?
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Starcross: Rules are made to be broken.
Lux: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
PaperJam: Uh, piñatas.
Crescent: Glow sticks.
Gradient: Karate boards.
Noir: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Starcross: Rules.
Lux:
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Dreamswap!Nightmare: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Dreamswap!Error: Nightmare no.
Dreamswap!Cross: Mistlefoe.
Dreamswap!Error: Please stop encouraging him.
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Dreamswap!Nightmare: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life
Dreamswap!Error: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?
Dreamswap!Nightmare: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.
Dreamswap!Cross: edible
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Dreamswap!Nightmare: You have to apologize to Error
Dreamswap!Cross: Fine.
Dreamswap!Cross: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.
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Dreamswap!Nightmare: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.
Dreamswap!Error: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?
Dreamswap!Nightmare: Yes!
Dreamswap!Cross: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.
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Reaper: Must be hard not being able to laugh
Geno: I do have a sense of humor you know
Reaper: I’ve never heard you laugh before
Geno: I’ve never heard you say anything funny
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Reaper: I made tea.
Geno: I don’t want tea.
Reaper: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.
Geno: Then why are you telling me?
Reaper: It is a conversation starter.
Geno: That’s a lousy conversation starter.
Reaper: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.
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Ink, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Blueberry: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Dream, with the tone of someone who is used to Blueberry: Outstanding.
Ink: This is what I’m talking about people.
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Frisk: While I’m gone, Chara, you’re in charge.
Chara: Yes!!!
Frisk, whispering: Kris, you’re secretly in charge.
Kris: Obviously.
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Frisk: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?
Kris: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.
Chara: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.
Kris: Good thinking.
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Chara: Parents, my old arch enemy.
Player: ... I thought I was your arch enemy?
Chara: I have a life outside of you, Player.
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Dust: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.
Killer: This knife is actually a magic wand.
Horror: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.
Cross: cocks gun Magic missile.
Nightmare: What the fuck is wrong with you people.
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Lux: Good morning.
Crescent: Good morning.
Gradient: Good morning.
PaperJam: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.
Starcross: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS