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Paradise PD


Fanfic Title:



Gotta Get Away From Channel Z!


By: Trenton Sands


Scene 1:


A mall opened in the city of Paradise. It was called The Peachtree Mall. Inside hanging out was Fitz's adopted daughter Zeta hanging around with her friends from her new school. Robin and Tracy. Zeta was homeschooled for a while until the school opened to the public then she began going to an All Girls School where she made lots of friends. Some even felt sorry for her about what she had been through. Thus wanted to be her friend. Her family getting killed although they weren't the best family in the world. Zeta even became quite popular because Fitz a rich man adopted her. Robin, Tracy, and Zeta were just about done with their day at the mall as they were all headed for the food court.

Zeta: We had a fun day.

Robin: You are a cool person to hang out with, Zeta.

Tracy: Why did you old school hate you so much?

Zeta: They thought I was childish and weird.

Robin: You're just a normal teenage girl to us.

Tracy: What's not to like about you?

Zeta: Ever since Gerald Fitzgerald adopted me after my family was killed. Things changed for the better.

Tracy: Now look at you.

Robin: You have a rich adoptive father.

Zeta: Now I'm popular! Going to an all girls school is so much better.

Tracy: After what you been gone through, now everyone wants to be your friend.

Zeta: I used to hate school. Now I love it!

Robin: I gotta call my mom to pick us up.

Zeta: Or even better, Daddy Fitz can pick us up with his limo!

Robin and Tracy: Oooooh!

As Zeta was going to phone Fitz to come pick up her and her new friends. They overhear a conversation in the table next to them. At the next table there was Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock.

Agent Clappers: I am so glad I got back at Fitz.

Dean Hancock: I love that story you tell.

Zeta saw Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock and she, Robin and Tracy listened in to what they were saying. Zeta filmed them on her iphone. Robin, Tracy, and Zeta all knew Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock were up to no good.

Dean Hancock: Tell that again! How you got a speed train to crash into that car Thester Carbomb was in.

Agent Clappers: Uhh, yes. That was a glorious day indeed.

Dean Hancock: You owned that train didn't you.

Agent Clappers: Didn't exactly own it. Just wanted revenge on Fitz for kicking me out of his Legion of DOOOOOM after I tried to arrest him.

Zeta (whispering): Oh my gosh.

Robin (whispering): They killed a friend of Fitz.

Tracy (whispering): So they were the ones who caused that train crash.

Agent Clappers: I threw out the conductor of that train. Then a put a weight on the controls. Jumped out of the train, then Ka-Blam! The train crashed right into the car Thester was in.

Dean Hancock (laughing): I loved how Thester flew out of the car and onto the Dippin' Dots Building Sign.

Agent Clappers: That was so fucking funny. Even though I never laugh.

Dean Hancock (laughing): Thester landed on the T of the Dippin' Dots sign. Guess you can say Thester died on the T! (cracking up)

Agent Clappers: Fitz that piece of shit deserved to have his henchman killed. I liked how Thester slid off the Dippin' Dots sign and landed on the concrete in a pool of his own blood. He went SPLAT!!!!!

Robin, Zeta, and Tracy gasp in horror. Thankfully no one heard them.

Agent Clappers: When Fitz and his other members were distracted thinking Thester had died in the explosion. You and I took away his body while the fire department and the Paradise PD came onto the scene.....

Dean Hancock: After we took his body we burned it. And as they say, the rest of history!

Agent Clappers: Thester Carbomb is history that's for sure.

As the conversation was done. Zeta filmed it all on her iphone.

Robin: You got evidence there. You can send it to the police.

Tracy: If the police get it, you'll be a hero.

Zeta: I will. But first, I want Daddy Fitz to hear about it.


Scene 2:

At the Dippin' Dots Building later on that day. Fitz and Brett DeMarco were having a meeting with the Legion of DOOOOM about meth sales.

Fitz: Thanks to all you of Legion of DOOOOOM members. Our meth sales have improved.

Brett: Whatever it is you're doing, keep it up!

Frank Flipperfist: We're getting richer and richer.

Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria! Almost enough money to put the Paradise PD out of commission!

Fitz: That's exactly what we are aiming for!

Brett: Who knows? If it all works out. We will become the new police!

Pedro Pooptooth: That would be so fucking awesome, puto!

Russian Mobster: We will be doing the arrests! I can arrest one...two.....three....four! Four people! ha ha ha!

Fitz: I'm also a great provider for my adoptive daughter, Zeta!

Zeta ran into the command room.

Brett: Zeta! What's going on?

Zeta: Daddy Fitz! Uncle Brett! You might want to see this!

Fitz: What is it, Zeta?

Zeta shows Fitz and Brett on her iphone the conversation she had taped between Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock. Revealing that they were the ones responsible for Thester Carbomb's death. Fitz grew angrier by the moment.

Fitz: Thank you for showing me this Zeta.

Brett: My gosh! Clappers and Hancock were the ones who killed Thester?

Fitz: It appears so....I have a plan.

Brett: Whatever is this scheme?

Fitz: We make Clappers and Hancock disappear. Then we hide them away and find a distraction.

Brett: What are you considering?

Fitz: Think we will do something more new this time to the citizens of Paradise. Take a break from Meth for a while.

Brett: In the meantime, let's go find those sons of bitches!

Fitz and Brett put their plan to make Clappers and Hancock vanish. In Diamond City, Dean Hancock was at his desk.

Dean Hancock: Hmm. Maybe I'll kill off Randall Crawford in that same fashion!

Then two mysterious figures appear before him.

Dean Hancock (sees the figures): Uhh, can I help you?

The two figures beat Dean Hancock senseless. The figures were Fitz and Brett in disguise as they were on their way to get Agent Clappers next. In a short while at the FBI Building.

Agent Clappers (sips coffee): Ahhh, nothing like a cup of joe.

Fitz and Brett in disguise hit Agent Clappers over the head with a club. Now both Dean Hancock and Agent Clappers were in the truck on the limo driving to a condemned clock tower.


Scene 3:


Inside the clock tower. Dean Hancock and Agent Clappers were knocked out. Fitz and Brett leave them there and go back to Dippin Dots. As they were driving back. They were discussing a new plan to terrify the people of Paradise.

Brett: So, since you say you don't want to use meth for this plan. What do you have in mind?

Fitz: A television channel!

Brett: Oooh! How enticing! I like it.

Fitz: Albeit, an evil one that makes people believe bad things will happen.

Brett: But how will we attract people to get this channel?

Fitz: What's the one thing young people in the 18-49 age group like to watch on TV?

Brett: That's easy. Reality TV!

Fitz: Exactly. This channel will supposedly show reruns of Reality TV shows like Survivor, The Biggest Loser, America's Next Top Model, Temptation Island....

Brett: I can just see it now, "Hey people! Want to recapture your youth watching Reality Shows when they were in their infancy. Then check out our new TV station!"

Fitz: That's exactly what I intend to do.

Brett: Can American Idol reruns be part of the equation?

Fitz: Indeed. So can The X Factor and America's got Talent as well. As I was saying, instead of reality show reruns. It will show EBS Reports of demon sightings.

Brett: Ooooh! I am fucking loving this so far!

Fitz: It'll make the whole town go insane...and think demons are really here.

Brett: Brilliant plan, boss! But, what of Hancock and Clappers.

Fitz: This is all part of my revenge plot against them. We will put the channel in their names.

Brett: I get it! So they can be the ones who get caught. And we get off Scott Free!

Fitz: Yes! Dean Hancock and Agent Clappers' lives along with everyone else in Paradise. Will turn to shit!

Brett: What will we call this channel?

Fitz: I say we call it, Channel Z! All we need is a cable tower to make it happen!

Brett and Fitz both laugh insanely at their evil plan. On the way back to Dippin Dots, Brett steals a transmitter Then hooks it up for a television tower.

Brett: Good thing I had techno training when I was in the army.


Scene 4:

At the Paradise PD Headquarters Building. Bullet was filling in for Randall who was at home but on his way to work.

Bullet: Hhheeeeeeeyyyyy kids! Anyone guess who used to say that?

Dusty: Krusty The Clown from The Simpsons?

Stanley: Is it Bozo The Clown by any chance? Back in the day he used to give something called Clown Sex. I had it with him!

Gina: I give up, who?

Kevin: Oh you guys don't know? It's Binky The Clown from Garfield!

Bullet: Good job, Kevin. As you all can see, Randall isn't here today.

Kevin: Yes I know. He had a repressed memory of my paternal grandfather beating him up because he had Vietnam War flashbacks. He went under hypnosis I might add.

Bullet: So I'm in charge for the day!

Gina: What's our next criminal busting assignment?

Bullet: Actually I want to tell you something even better.

Dusty: Is it Double Pizza Day at Goopy Goobers?

Bullet: No, there is a new television channel that's out.

Dusty: Television channel? Cool! Is it like Disney +?

Bullet: No, nothing you can get on an APP. It's a cable station.

Gina: What's it called?

Bullet: Channel Z!

Kevin: Really? Bet it's a sci-fi type of channel that has Dungeons and Dragons-like shows as well.

Bullet: No it isn't. It's all reruns of Reality TV shows.

Stanley: Count me out! Last time I got involved with television, I had a threesome with Dan Rather and Walter Cronkite!

Gina: Who the hell wants to watch Reality TV reruns.

Kevin: I don't want to see it.

Dusty: Who cares if you guys want nothing to do with Channel Z! I'm wanna watch!

Bullet: I was excited myself when I first heard. Until I found out what it shows. Who wants to watch those early 2000s Reality Shows anyway? Was hoping it was going to be porn!

Just then Randall burst into the conference room

Kevin: Dad! You showed up for work.

Randall: Charlie! Charlie everywhere!

Gina: Oh fuck! Don't tell me he thinks we're Viet Cong.

Bullet: Sure seems like it!

Randall: I got no fight with any man who does what he's told!

Kevin: It's even worse than I thought.

Bullet: He think he's Sgt. Barnes from Platoon!

Stanley: Let's get outta here!

Bullet, Stanley, Kevin, Gina, and Dusty all run out of the Paradise PD Police Headquarters conference room.

Randall: The horror! The horror! The horror!

Stanley: Now he's quoting Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now!


Scene 5:

When word got out about Channel Z. Almost everyone in Paradise was excited to watch the new channel. Karen Crawford was in her mayor office as she sees Anton about to leave.

Anton: Uhh, I gotta go now.

Karen: Where you are going?

Anton: To watch Channel Z! Where else?

Karen: You can go watch it if you want. But leave me out of it.

Anton: Why don't want to watch/

Karen (sighs): Don't mind me. Randall's been giving my problems lately about his father.

Then at Robby's and Delbert's crackhouse.

Robby: Are you as excited as I am for Channel Z Delbert?

Delbert: As excited as Daniel Craig in Cowboys and Aliens.

Robby: Wow! What show should we watch first?

Delbert: America's Next Top Model would be my choice.

Robby: All right (turns on the TV) and we have liftoff!

Delbert and Robby tune into Channel Z. It showed on the screen a picture of the letter Z on it.

TV Voice: Welcome to Channel Z....

Robby: Oh boy this is it!

Delbert: Here we go...

As all the other residents of Paradise were tuning into the overhyped new channel. After it showed the letter Z on the tv screens. A long dark blackness occurs.

Anton (tapping his tv): I don't want to see a black blank screen! I want to see America's got Talent!

Robby and Delbert began to shout at their tv.

Delbert: Hello! Hello! Come back on now!

Robby: We're ready to see some hot pieces of ass anytime now!

Then the tv screens played a humming noise along with the black blank screen. At Dusty's house.

Dusty: This isn't what I expected. (hears the buzzing sound) Oh well. If you can't beat them. Join them. (imitates buzzing sound)

Anton: OKay....guess we're getting somewhere with this now.....

Robby: What the fuck is this! The movie White Noise all of the sudden!

Delbert (screams at the TV): WWWOOORRRRRKKKK! WWWOOOORRRRKKKKK!

Screams were heard from every house in the residential area of Paradise. Screams of complaints that the much promised TV Channel wasn't tuning in. All it had was a black screen with a buzzing sound. Fitz and Brett at the Dippin' Dots Building who were operating the whole Channel Z watch on viewscreens at the people in their homes yelling at their TVs.

Fitz: Look at all those assholes getting excited over a new TV Channel.

Brett: Yeah only to have it black out on them. Then their excitement turns into anger!

Fitz: That's because it's going to be part of an even bigger plan I have in mind.....

Brett: Think I know what you mean! So, shall we give them a big surprise now, Fitz?

Fitz: Yes we should. (presses a button) Let the games, begin!

Brett: Cool Jigsaw impression you did there!

In all the televisions in Paradise, an EBS Alert Appears. Then the EBS Alert sound is played along with the sound tone.

Dusty: Oh no! Don't tell me this is a weather alert!

Anton: Is this part of the channel?

Robby: Aww, fuck! Last thing we need is an Amber Alert!

Delbert: We don't give a rats ass about Emergency Broadcast System! Bring on the reality shows!

The EBS Alert warning reads, EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM COUNTY AUTHORITIES ISSUED CIVIL EMERGENCY MESSAGE. FOR ALL OF THE STATE OF GEORGIA.

Anton: Mary mother of God.

Dusty: Not one of these things again! Oh wait. It's only a test.

The EBS Alert: The following message is transmitted at the request of the Georgia State Police Department. A stange event is taking place in the entire town of Paradise. There are reports of indentified humanoid alien like creatures in all of the city and the highways of the entire town....

After the message was played. The entire town of Paradise ran out of their homes in a heap of panic. Some were ready to fight, others were running to try to find a safe place. Anton, Dusty, Robby, and Delbert were among them.



Scene 6:

The B 52s Song Channel Z begins to play in the next scene. When the whole town of Paradise was in a riot. Businesses were being vandalized. Kevin runs into the conference room to inform Randall about what was happening.

Kevin: Dad! Dad! Come out here. You might want to see this?

Randall: Goddammit Kevin! I just trying coming to terms to terms with my father beating me up because he thought I was Charlie in Viet Nam!

Kevin: But this is important.

Randall (sighs): All right! Always bothering me at the wrong time.

Soon after, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley came to join them. They too witnessed possibly the biggest riot the town has ever seen.

Stanley: Wow! This is like The Communist Party riots of 1930!

Randall: Nothing like that! More like Hotel Artemis!

Gina: What are we waiting for! Let's find out what is making these twat waffles start the riot!

Bullet: One of us should go out there!

Stanley: I vote we send Kevin!

Kevin: What? Wait? Me!

Randall: If you want to be a cop like you say you do! Get your ass out there and put a stop to it!

Kevin: I won't let you down!

Bullet sees the rioters destroy his favorite bar. Kevin goes into the streets to try to calm people down.

Kevin: No! Don't do it! The People!

Bullet (gasps): My bar! My bar! My beautiful bar!

The riots ignore Kevin and continue to cause more chaos.

Kevin: Stop! Don't do it! The people!

Some rioters stop and laugh at Kevin.

Bullet: Dude! You gotta lay off the Superman movies! (cries): But my bar....

Most of the rioters break into Camaro Bob's Auto Shop and break up all the cars.

Camaro Bob (high on weed): Yeah baby. Break my cars. Go ahead. I don't care...

Gina: Did those assholes and cunts just destroy Camaro Bob's Auto Shop! (runs)

Randall: Typical useless Kevin. Gina will find out.

Seeing rioters break apart one of Camaro Bob's cars, Gina goes to confront them.

Gina: Hey guys. Why are you breaking up that car for?

Rioter #1: Didn't you hear?

Rioter #2: There was an EBS Report on Channel Z.

Rioter #3: Demon sighting! It's the end of the world....

Gina: So you just break up this car....

Rioter #2: Yeah...

Gina takes some of the broken car parts and beats up all the rioters with them.

Kevin (runs back to Randall): So Dad! How did I do?

Randall: Pathetic as usual! Get outta my sight!

Gina: Like breaking apart cars? See how you like it, huh! See how you like it! See how you like being broken up!

The rioters Gina beat up were killed in a viciously violent manner as Gina broke their bodies with the broken car parts. When she's done Gina reports back to Randall.

Gina: Turns out these fucktards were watching Channel Z!

Kevin: Ha! We were right not to trust that channel!

Randall: For once you're right. Glad I didn't get involved either. I knew I can count you, Gina. Thanks for telling me. What else have you learned.

Bullet: Isn't anyone going to do anything about my bar?

Kevin: I could try to see what I can do for your bar, Bullet.

Bullet (sobs): Thanks, Kevin! You're a good friend.

Gina: They believe it's the end of the world because Channel Z apparently did some EBS Report about Demon Sightings.

Randall: Ha! That figures.

A voice is called from far away.

Voice: EVERYBODY STOP!

The rioters immediately froze in fear.

The voice turned out to be Dusty. Who has now teamed up with Anton, Robby and Delbert.

Dusty: Yep! It's me.

Gina: Ooooh! Dusty! Looking mighty sexy and heroic!

Kevin: Thanks for stopping the riots.

Dusty: Everyone quiet down! We got something to say!

Randall: He sounds like Jerri Blank from Strangers With Candy.

Anton: We just want you all to know that we are aware of the Demon Sightings that Channel Z has reported.

Robby: So everyone. Just go back home and watch for more Demon sighting Reports on Channel Z!

Delbert: Let us handle it.

Bullet: Really?

Dusty: Yes! We will take down the demons.

Anton: And the four of us will work as a team.

Robby: To send the demons back from whence they came!

Delbert: We will be the team you can rely on!

Dusty: You know, like the Scooby Doo gang!

Randall (calls out on megaphone): Dusty, you go on with this 'Demon Battle' of yours. Then stop the end of the world.

Dusty: That settles it, gentlemen! Who's ready to kick some Demon ass!

Anton: Jahovle!

The rioters all clap and held onto hope that Dusty, Anton, Robby and Delbert will all stop the so called 'Demon Invasion.'

Gina: Dusty wanting to stop demons is so sexy to me. Even though I don't believe these demons actually exist.

Randall: That's the whole point. There are no demons.

Kevin: I don't believe in it either Dad.

Randall: Oh Bullshit Kevin.

Bullet: Think there's something extremely sinister going on with this Channel Z shit.

Stanley: The dog is right. Like in those 1940's film noirs. Someone is behind it. But who?

Back at the Dippin Dots building. Brett and Fitz were laughing as they watching everything unfold through their viewscreen.

Fitz: It appears all the pieces are in place.

Brett: These dumbasses really think there's a Demon Apocalypse going on!

Fitz: Dumb hick backwater town would believe anything.

Brett: What's our next strategy Fitz?

Fitz: I say we send out another EBS Alert!

Brett: Little do they know it's really our voices who are doing those reports!

Fitz: Let's not forget, little do they know. We have Dean Hancock's and Agent Clappers' names on the computers to which we created this evil channel!

Brett: When the police find that out, they'll get arrested for it instead of us! Brilliant!

Fitz: Brett DeMarco you are the best right hand man a Kingpin can ever ask for!

Brett and Fitz begin to laugh manically as they mastermind their next evil plan.

Scene 7:

Karen phoned Randall at the Paradise PD Headquarters.

Randall (over phone): Yes Karen. What is it?

Karen: Have you seen Anton? He never showed up for work.

Randall: Oh didn't you hear. Anton and Dusty are off on a Demon Hunting mission.

Karen: Because of that Channel Z bullshit?

Randall: Yes. So I've decided that me and my band of cops are going to stay out of it.

Karen: I ought to do the same. Because my TV is stuck on Channel Z.

Randall: Everyone else's is too. Keep getting calls about it back and forth.

Karen: Guess I shouldn't call a Town Hall Meeting.

Randall: No do not. These demons do not exist! Goodbye!

When Karen and Randall both hung up. Kevin comes in the conference room.

Kevin: Great news, Bullet! Your bar is cleaned up and back in business!

Bullet (running out): All right, yes! Fuck you everyone! I'm gonna get wasted! Even more than Mickey Rourke in Barfly!

Gina (scoffs): So much for him.

Kevin: Dad, are we going to do something about this whole Demon thing?

Randall: Absolutely not! As I have said before, these Demons don't exist!

Gina: The only way I'll take part is if Dusty is in trouble.

Kevin: Is there any way we can convince the town these Demons don't exist?

Randall: There's no reasoning with these backwoods townfolk!

Gina: So we won't get involved.

Randall: Yes!

Stanley (pounding on TV): Dammit! Can someone call the cable guy already!

Back at the Dippin Dots Building. Fitz and Brett decide to do another EBS Alert.

Brett: Now everyone in town's TV's are stuck on Channel Z!

Fitz: My yes! Thanks to your tech skills. Now....we will now do some more EBS Alerts! Let's play a little!

Brett and Fitz prepare to do another EBS Alert. Dusty and Anton who were now staying over at Robby's and Delbert's crackhouse. Watch the TV to hear if there's going to be another EBS Alert.

Dusty: The more we keep up with these alerts. The better it will be.

Anton: Ja! These reports can tell us where the Demons will be headed to next.

Robby: It's almost like we're The Walking Dead! But with Demons!

Delbert (points to TV): Oh look! Think it's starting!

The TV played as the EBS Tone was heard. The same message appeared on the screen as before. "EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM. CIVIL AUTHORITIES ISSUED A CIVIL DANGER WARNING.

Voice On TV: The following message transmitted at the request of the Georgia State Police Department and the Department of Paranormal Research. The reports about the creatures have been confirmed to be real demons. That's right. Demons from Hell. These Demons are known to have red ears and large teeth. These creatures have also formed red glowing eyes. The last they were spotted was at the vicinity of the Paradise forest. All citizens are advised to stay inside to keep themselves safe from the Demons. Reports have also confirmed that if you look at these Demons that make you violent and attack other people. Keep it here on Channel Z with more late breaking developments that is all.

Dusty: OKay! Do any of you have weapons?

Robby and Delbert take out as many guns from their closet. Anton has a cross and gives Dusty a stake.

Anton: Now we're ready! To the forest!

Robby: Yeah! We'll send those demon motherfuckers back to hell where they belong!

Delbert: Tally HO!

Dusty leading the way with Anton, Robby, and Delbert behind them are now going off to the forest to vanquish the non existent Demons.


Scene 8:

In the command room at the Dippin' Dots Building. Fitz, Brett, and the Legion of DOOOOOM were called to a meeting.

Fitz: Now that we've started this whole Demon Apocalypse thing.

Brett: We want all of you two go to the forest. Dress up like demons.

Fitz was going over the viewscreen and observes that the town of Paradise was completely vacant.

Brett (laughing): Will you look at that! Nobody on the road. Nobody on the beach!

Frank: That's a Don Henley song!

Zeta walks in.

Pedro: You daughter is here to see you, Puto.

Fitz: Hey, Zeta! How are you doing?

Zeta: Never been better. In fact. I filmed on my iphone that there's four idiots that are headed to the forest while I was playing baseball with my friends.

Showing Fitz on her iphone the video shows Dusty, Anton, Robby and Delbert headed to the Paradise forest.

Fitz: Hey, that's Dusty Marlowe!

Brett: The dude in the white suit is Anton! The mayor's aide.

Frank, Pedro, Marcos Narcos, and the Russian Mobster all gathered to see the video Zeta has filmed.

Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria! Even those two dumb hillbillies who work at Paradise VHS are with them.

Fitz: You did a wonderful job, Zeta! I'm proud of you!

Zeta: Thank you, Daddy Fitz! You and Uncle Brett are way better than my old family.

Fitz: You know, we see that Dusty Marlowe is the leader. Not only will I have my revenge on Clappers and Hancock, I will have my vengeance on the Paradise PD as well!

Zeta: I hate the Paradise PD! I'd love to help you bring them down. My old family used to threaten to call them on me and have me arrested.

Brett: How would you like to help us get those assfuckers, Zeta?

Zeta: Yeah! This'll be fun!

Russian Mobster: Those nincompoops will be easy to spot because they're a group of 1...2...3...4! 4 people! ha ha ha!

Fitz: So it's settled. Frank, Pedro, Russian Mobster, Marcos Narcos get in your demon costumes and bring some pepper spray too! Zeta, you have the most important job of all! (hands Zeta a net)

Zeta: Wow cool! Can I hide up in a tree? I love climbing trees!

Fitz: Anyway you'd like to help out is good way! (wringing his hands)

Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock are still hidden away in the condemned clock tower.


Scene 9:

Robby drove Delbert, Dusty, and Anton to the Paradise forest. Getting their weapons ready. What they didn't know was danger was not too far away waiting to attack them all.

Dusty: Everyone out! This is the place!

Delbert: Get in gear.

Robby (cocked his rifle): At a time like this, who needs gun laws!

Delbert had a handgun. Dusty had a stake and Anton had a cross.

Dusty: Why the cross, Anton?

Anton: I prefer to use non-violence against these demons. Mayor Karen likes to preach that stuff to me

Robby, Delbert, Dusty, and Anton were looting the forest. Some campers and picnickers were looking at them like they were insane. The campers and the picnickers were at the forest days before the whole Channel Z fiasco. So nobody who was using the forest for fun was aware of all the Channel Z nonsense. Murmuring was heard along with some profane language as well.

Dusty: Hmmm. Now if I were a demon. Where would I be?

Anton: The only way to stop a demon is to think like one!

Delbert: We gotta make sure not to look at them or we'll turn violent on other each other.

Robby: You're right. Just like the EBS Alert warned us. So far, we ain't seen shit around here! (steps in dog poop) Hahahahaha! Now we have.

Delbert: Just a little dog poop humor don't mind us.

Anton: Keep looking. One is bound to come along!

Dusty (looks at the campers and picnickers): Do not panic! There's some demon sighting around here.

Robby: Yes, we're just trying to protect you and the town from the end of the world!

Campers and Picnickers all burst out in laughter.

Dusty: That was kind of hurtful..

Anton: Pay them no mind. Only we're the ones who know it's the real deal anyway.

Robby: Kinda odd that nobody else but you in the Paradise PD isn't getting involved in this, Dusty.

Delbert: It's like we're the X Files! The Truth is Out There when nobody else gives a shit!

A 'Demon' was running from tree to tree!

Anton: I saw one! I saw one!

Dusty Ha! I knew it!

Delbert: So it is true.

Robby: These campers'll be sorry that didn't listen to us!

Dusty: Enough of the babble! (battle cry): AAATTTTTTTAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!

Anton, Dusty, Robby, and Delbert all charge at the 'Demon' armed with their weapons. As soon as the four of them get close to the 'Demon', it emits pepper spray at all of their eyes.

Robby: AAAAAHHHH! AAAAAAHHH!! MY EYES! MY EYES! Can someone get Ben Stein on the phone?

Delbert: My eyes hurt like fuck!

Anton and Dusty were blinded as they were shouted inaudible words. Some more Demons came to surround them and beat them all up until they were bloody and bruised. Afterwards, Dusty, Anton, Robby and Delbert all feel a net fall on them despite feeling the effects of the pepper spray. However all their eyes were just partially opened.

Robby: OH FUCK! I think we're stuck in a net people!

Dusty (trying to bust free): I can't break us out!

Anton: My eyes are all watery! What's going on.

Delbert: We're caught in a net.

Dusty: The demons! They got us! They got us!

Robby: We tried to save the fucking world....

Delbert: I think this is the end!

Anton: I still can't see anything!

The Demons reveal themselves to be Frank Flipperfist, Pedro Pooptooth, Russian Mobster and Marcos Narcos. Zeta who jumped down from the tree after she dropped the net on Dusty, Robby, Delbert, and Anton.

Zeta: Awesome work guys! Daddy Fitz and Uncle Brett will reward us for this! (calls Fitz on her iphone)


Scene 10:

As soon as Zeta called, Gerald Fitzgerald and Brett DeMarco were on his way to the forest in his limo. People of Paradise were inside wondering if Dusty, Anton, Robby, and Delbert have eliminated the demons like that they promised to. Everyone in town who fell for the whole Demon Apocalypse thing were glued to their televisions waiting for the next EBS Alert.

Fitz (thinking): Hmmm. Perhaps I can do another EBS Alert! I'll give the public what they're waiting for!

As the limo slows down and parks. Gerald Fitzgerald had arrived in the forest along with Brett DeMarco.

Brett: I assumed you have captured the 4 morons?

Dusty, Anton, Robby and Delbert were protesting until they gave in.

Frank: All right here in this net.

Pedro: What now, Puto?

Fitz: Put them in a glass cage.

Marcos Narcos: Do we have one?

Fitz: In the trunk we do.

Zeta: We got them good, didn't we? I threw the net on them!

Fitz: Damn Zeta! You are the best! You're really holding your own. Informing us and following instructions to the letter! You're like the Lois Lane of The Legion of DOOOOOM!

Zeta: You're the best Daddy ever! (kisses Fitz)

Brett: Ha ha! Looks like they all gave up. (getting class cage)

Frank and the Russian Mobster threw Dusty, Robby, Anton, and Delbert into the glass cage then everyone bordered the limo and drove to the nearest beach high on a deck.

Marcos Narcos: Dios Mio! Are we going to drown them?

Fitz: No, I say we feed them to the sharks! (evilly grins)

Brett: That glass is so breakable, a shark will run into it and BAM! Instant shark bait!

Once they arrived at the beach, Russian Mobster and Marcos Narcos were on the deck and dropped the class cage with Dusty, Anton, Robby, and Delbert inside.

Fitz: Good work, men! It's always fun to be on the evil side.

Frank: You're telling me! I don't want to go straight for nothing!

Brett: So, what is your next plan of action.

Fitz: Another EBS Alert of course! This time, we'll play a little dress up!

Five hours later. The people in Paradise were still glued to watching Channel Z. As were the Paradise PD in their headquarters.

Bullet: Come on, any minute now.....

All the residents watching their televisions heard the EBS Beep Tone. This time there was something different about this alert. The screen was black again, and then it turned into a scene that looked like a newsroom. Two demon looking creatures who were really Fitz and Brett in disguise took their seats in the newsroom. Everyone in Paradise trembled in fear as they watched.

Randall: Everybody shut up and listen to what bullshit these guys have to say.

The alert tone stopped as Fitz begins to talk in a Satanic voice.

Fitz (demonic voice): The following message has been transmitted at the request of...YOU! That's right! YOU! All of you think you're the most superior being on Earth.....

Brett (demonic voice): No! You're wrong! You are not.....

Kevin: Holy fuck they look like those news reporters from the movie They Live!

Stanley: Speaking of horror movies, I gave a blowjob to Bela Lugosi in the movie Murder By Television.

Fitz (demonic voice): ...for your information if you are looking for those four fools named Dusty, Anton, Robby, and Delbert. We have them! They're with us. If anyone tries to look for them. We will find you. Then you will perish and spend eternity in hell.

Brett (demonic voice): If anyone is to blame for this. It's the Paradise PD. They took no action to try to stop us. Anyone who sees them, destroy them on sight! That is all. Farewell.

Randall (turns the tv off): SON OF A FUCKING BITCH! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS CHANNEL Z BULLSHIT! (pounding on his desk)

Not before long, people came out of their houses wanting to beat up on the Paradise PD.

Bullet: The whole town is after us.

Kevin: Maybe we should have believed in this Demon thing.

Randall: Okay Paradise PD. This is what we'll do. We'll send one of you to go look for Dusty and assure these people that we are doing everything we can to keep these demons at bay.

Gina: Send me out there! To look for Dusty, not beat up the mob.

Randall: NO!

Kevin: Can I?

Randall: Not even you, Kevin.

Bullet: I got it! Let's send Stanley out there!

Gina: Awesome. He could be our sacrificial lamb!

Stanley (gets up): Leave this all to me. I'll be on them like a bloodhound!

The residents were throwing rocks and other objects anyone can get their hands on and throws them at the Paradise PD Building.

Crowd: DEFUND THE PARADISE PD!

Kevin: Good luck, Stanley! We're counting on you!

Crowd: THE PARADISE PD DOES NOT CARE ABOUT DEMON INVASIONS! BECAUSE OF THEM FOUR PEOPLE WENT MISSING! BOO! BOO! BOO! BOO!


Scene 11:

Stanley Hopson was on the streets trying to calm down the angry crowd.

Person #1: There's one of them now!

Person #2: Kick his ass!

Soon after, Stanley Hopson was being chased by the angry mob. However, the crowd could barely keep up with him because Stanley can run rather fast.

Stanley: Ha! Fuck you slowpokes! You oughta see how I play basketball!

Person #3: We don't care!

Person #4: You didn't protect us from the demons!

Person #5: And the people who tried to are gone and you cops did NOTHING!

The chase was about to come to an end that has Stanley standing on the deck of the beach. The same deck that the Fitz and the Legion of DOOOOOM used to imprison Dusty, Anton, Robby, and Delbert in a glass cage in the ocean. Stanley soon found himself surrounded by the angry mob. Then made the decision to jump to make it appear like he killed himself.

Stanley: You guys want me to kill myself! I will! Goodbye cruel world! I'm leaving you flat! GOODBYE!

The crowd cheered when Stanley jumped off the deck of the beach. Meanwhile in the ocean. Dusty, Robby, Anton, and Delbert were in the glass cage with sharks circling around them.

Dusty: Oooooh. After all the eating I did. Now I'm going to become food.

Anton: HA! Serves you right for being such a glutton!

Robby: Usually I'm never scared of anything. Except being underwater. Oooh! This is like that movie The Shallows come true!

Delbert: This is the price we pay for trying to kill those demons. In the end the demons got us.

Stanley swam by to see Dusty, Anton, Robby, and Delbert imprisoned in the glass cage.

Robby: Holy fuck! Was the Mr. Limpet?

Dusty: No! It's Stanley Hopson! He's one of my co-workers! We're saved!

Anton: Quick! Everyone! Get him to notice us!

Delbert, Robby, Dusty, and Anton tried to get Stanley to pay attention to them. But to no avail. The sharks continue to circle around the glass cage. Once Stanley sees the sharks, he swims up to shore.

Robby: Oh fuck! That old fart didn't see us! This is going to become like Leviathan!

Delbert: Gosh Robby shut the fuck up about underwater flicks!

Robby: Well, I'm scared little chicken shit about being underwater! it's my coping mechanism! I suggest you get one!

Dusty: Robby's right. This is like one of those underwater movies.

Anton: Shit! Too bad that old guy swam away. Either he's afraid of sharks or going to send for help.

Being stuck in a glass cage underwater caused Anton, Dusty, Delbert and Robby to argue. Stanley swam up to shore and went back to the Paradise PD Headquarters. However, Bullet, Randall, Gina, and Gina were standing under a bridge.

Stanley: YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS! YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT!

Gina: Is Dusty still alive?!

Stanley: He most certainly is! He, Anton, and those two hicks are underwater in a glass cage about to be eaten by sharks!

Randall: I have a plan. We'll split up into teams. Gina you go with Bullet and save Dusty. Stanley you're with them too so you lead the way. Guess I'm going to be teamed up with......(sighs) Kevin. I guess we'll both take out Channel Z.

Kevin: Oh boy! This'll be fun! A father and son solving a crime together!

Randall: Now I know why Peter Griffin hates Meg.

Stanley: Gina and Bullet! Follow me!

Bullet: Our police station got trashed so that's why we were under a bridge.

Gina and Bullet follow Stanley to the deck of the beach. On the way there. Bullet stops at the bar.

Stanley: Hey! What do you think this is? The Prohibition?

Bullet: I work better when I'm drunk.

Gina: Fine! Just have one beer!

Stanley: Then it's back to business!

Gina: We got a Dusty to save!

As soon as Bullet was done drinking a beer. Stanley, Gina, and Bullet set out to rescue Dusty. Randall and Kevin were using Google Earth to try to locate where Channel Z was coming from.


Scene 12:

Randall and Kevin search on Google Earth around the town of Paradise to look for a TV Tower.

Kevin: Let's look for something that looks like a TV Tower.

Randall: Uhhh, I think I know to do that Kevin!

When Kevin and Randall were looking for a TV Tower, they also see a Transmitter that was right between The Dippin' Dots Building and The FBI.

Randall: That's a transmitter!

Kevin: So that's where Channel Z is coming from!

Randall: We'll hack into it and see who's responsible.

Kevin: As Camaro Bob once said to Mom. Copy that!

Randall and Kevin get into their cop car, and were now on their way to the TV Tower and Transmitter to dismantle it and put an end to Channel Z. In the condemned clock tower, Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock slowly wake up but had headaches.

Agent Clappers: Is this a hangover?

Dean Hancock: I don't remember drinking. Let's try to figure out where we are.

At the area between the FBI Building and Dippin' Dots, Randall tears the TV Tower and Transmitter to pieces.

Randall: FUCK YOU, CHANNEL Z! FOR FUCKING OUR TOWN!

Kevin follows a wire to a computer that lead to the Dippin' Dots building and broke in. Hacking to the computer, Kevin was about to discover who was behind the whole Channel Z fiasco. Kevin gasped in horror when he saw on the computer screen that reads, "PROPERTY OF AGENT CLAPPERS AND DEAN HANCOCK".

Randall: That's it. (wiping his hands)

Kevin: DAD! DAD! I was able to hack into the computer and you'll never believe who was behind it all?

Randall: Let me guess, you fucked everything up as usual, am I right?

Kevin (shows Randall the computer): Take a look for yourself.

Randall: SON OF A BITCH! Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock! Get back inside the car, Kevin! Lets nail their asses!

At the deck of the beach. Stanley points in the ocean where Dusty, Anton, Robby, and Delbert were being held inside a glass cage.

Stanley: You can't miss them. They got some sharks around them.

Gina (dives into ocean): I'm going in!

Bullet: Good luck and Godspeed!

Swimming in the ocean, Gina sees a bunch of sharks terrorizing the class cage. Gina then charges at the sharks about ready to go in for the kill.

Gina: Dusty! Here I come! In time no at all I'll butcher these sharp toothed twat waffles!

Dusty: It's Gina!

Anton: When I get out of here I am never teaming up with you guys ever again.

Robby: Deal!

Gina uses her brute strength to murder the sharks surrounding the tank. Then Gins swims back to shore and carries the glass cage. Randall and Kevin were on the lookout for Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock.

Randall (growling): When I get my hands on that cocksucking Hancock......

Kevin sees Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock walk out of the condemned Clock Tower.

Back at the beach, Gina breaks open the cage.

Anton: As much as I am grateful that you rescued us. Could you have taken on those sharks in a more ladylike way?

Dusty (hugs Gina): Gina! Thank you! For a minute there I thought I was going to be shark food.

Gina: Oh Dusty. You know I would not let that happen.

Robby: We want to give our thanks for getting us out of that ocean.

Delbert: So Gina. Would you be interested in a three some with us?

Gina throws both Robby and Delbert into the sky.

Robby and Delbert: We'll take that as a NO!

Randall's police car skidded and parked on the beach. Kevin came out.

Kevin: Hey guys. Glad you're all safe. We just want you to know that we found the cluprits who were behind Channel Z!

Randall brings out Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock from the cop car.

Agent Clappers: We didn't no that!

Dean Hancock! Someone set us up! We were in the clock tower the whole fucking time.

Randall: Bullshit! Your name was on the computers! So it was you two who's been pranking the whole town making everyone think there was a Demon Apocalypse! You'll get life for this!

Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock both gasp.

Fitz and Brett were watching the whole thing on their viewscreen at the Command Room.

Brett: No more Channel Z. It was fun while it lasted.

Fitz: Hey, look on the bright side. At least someone else is taking to fall for it! I say we have a party!

Zeta: Party? Cool! Can I bring my friends?

Fitz: You can bring all the friends you want, Zeta! Get ready Legion of DOOOOOM! We'll celebrate in the Condemned Clock Tower!

Brett: You know former cops are hated in prison....

Fitz: Exactly. Now we finally got our revenge for what they did to Thester.

Brett: Not only that we put a whole town in a uproar and got away with it.

Fitz: They'll never know it was us!


Scene 13 Conclusion:

Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock were both arraigned. Although they plead not guilty everyone believed they were behind the whole Channel Z thing. They still had to do some jail time with a bail set at two billion. Their trial was set in two weeks. During the trial. Fitz, Brett, and the Legion of DOOOOOM were all having a party in the Condemned Clock Tower. Zeta was having fun with her friends from the All Girls School at the party. 1970's Soul Music was playing like the Undisputed Truth's Smiling Facing Sometimes was playing.

Fitz and Brett along with the other Legion of DOOOOOM members were all celebrating that they got away with a crime and put the frame on someone else. Mayor Karen Crawford declared Kevin and Gina heroes who both got a promotion. Kevin for shutting down Channel Z. Gina for saving Dusty, Anton, Robby and Delbert. Much to Randall's chagrin. Kevin and Gina will now both get extra pay. When the party was over. A skeleton landed on Fitz.

Brett: Holy fuck! Where did that come from?

Fitz: Damn! Let's get this over to forensics.

Brett drove Fitz to the hospital to get an ID on the skeleton. Fitz was devastated that the skeletal remains were identified as Thester Carbomb. Then Fitz remembered that Clappers and Hancock were on trial. That is when Fitz wanted to get some final revenge on Clappers and Hancock. At the trial, everyone was there. The Paradise PD were in the audience.

Judge: Has the jury reached a verdict?

Lawyer: We have your honor.

Judge: What say you....

Lawyer: We find the defendants Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock guilty of....

Fitz (bursts into the courtroom with a bag of skeletal remains): MURDER!!!!

Randall: FITZ! What the fuck!

Fitz: This bag contains the remains of Thester Carbomb. Whom they set up to die in a train crash. I have some evidence here that my adoptive daughter Zeta, bless her soul filmed them having a conversation about killing Thester on her iphone.

Judge: I'll allow it.

When Fitz showed the judge the video and the remains. He renders a decision.

Judge: Now I shall add a new charge for you both. Murder In the First Degree! Agent Clapper and Dean Hancock. I hearby both sentence you to 300 years in prison with no parole. Case dismissed.

The courtroom burst into cheers. As Clappers and Hancock were lead away in cuffs.

Agent Clappers: I am going to kill you for this, Gerald Fitzgerald!

Dean Hancock: When you least expect it! BAM! You'll be dead before you know it!

A week later after the trial. Randall visits Hancock in prison.

Dean Hancock: What the fuck do you want.

Randall: How do you like prison? Bet you're the one getting pranked now after all the shit you pulled on me!

Dean Hancock: I may be in prison. But I am at peace now. You're no longer in my life.

Randall: Yeah, well at least I get to sleep in my own bed! And never have to worry if you're going to haze me ever again!

Karen: Randall come on! We got a double date with Gina and Dusty! You coming?

Randall: Hold your horses, Karen. It's just McDonalds we're going to. Hope you rot forever motherfucker! Don't drop the soap!

Dean Hancock goes back to his cell. Agent Clappers and Dean Hancock had a miserable time in prison being former cops thus getting bullied everyday. Now they were eternal targets for all the other inmates. Randall was now ready for a double date with Karen, Dusty and Gina. Randall jumps in the air with happiness. Fitz can now finally rest assured that he found justice for Thester. Walking out of a star registry building. Fitz bought a star for Thester to honor his memory. Looking up at the night sky with tears in his eyes. Fitz decides to look up in the sky for a while at the star before going back to the Dippin' Dots building to plan more crimes against the town of Paradise.

Fitz (smiling): You finally got the justice you deserved. You're up there in a better place now. Good night, Star Thester.


THE END