Categories > Cartoons > Family Guy

A Harsh Reality

by KurtPikachu2001 0 reviews

Peter Griffin uses his old cookie business and turns it into a video rental store. This fanfic will serve as a sequel to Gronkowbees!

Category: Family Guy - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2021-08-26 - Updated: 2021-08-26 - 5648 words - Complete

Family Guy

Fanfic Title:

A Harsh Reality

by: Trenton Sands

Scene 1:

Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire all get the same text message from Peter one Friday afternoon.

Cleveland (looks at his iphone): Oh look. A message from Peter. He wants us to meet him somewhere.

Quagmire (looks at his iphone): It's Peter. Sorry Wendy I gotta take this.

Wendy (walks out of Quagmire's house): Fuck you! I was using you anyway.

Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire all drive to the place where Peter's and Lois's cookie store used to be.

Cleveland: Did you all get a text from Peter.

Joe: I did.

Quagmire: Ditto.

Cleveland: Do people say ditto anymore?

Peter gets out of the building that used to be a cookie store.

Joe: Peter! We got your text!

Peter: Come in you guys! I've been waiting for you!

Cleveland, Joe, and Quagmire all walk inside.

Quagmire: I remember this place! This was that cookie store you and Lois opened. Such fond memories I had here eating cooking with strippers.

Joe: Why did you call us all here?

Peter: Turns out I still own this place. So I will turn it into something better.

Cleveland: What do you have in mind?

Peter: I just miss the days when people would go out and rent movies from movie rental places. Don't you?

Joe: Yeah! I can see where you're coming from, Peter!

Quagmire: Renting porn is one of my favorite pastimes.

Cleveland: These days, people don't even rent DVDs anymore.

Joe: Video Rental stores deserve to be brought back!

Cleveland: Yeah! Whatever happened to the days when families used to get together for a Blockbuster movie night?

Quagmire: And let's not forget the days when me and a bunch of hookers used to gather around for movie night too!

Peter: That's why I need your help! Gentlemen! We are going to turn my old cookie store into a video rental place!


Peter: It's going to be fun! A lot more of a blast than that time I was Fingers O'Toole on Catalina Caper!


It shows Peter Griffin staggering out of the waters in a Southern California beach. Wearing a suit, hat, and a briefcase in his hand. Walking up to shore. Peter lifts his briefcase and water comes out of it.

Peter: Oh shit! I think my briefcase just urinated.

[End Cutaway]

Scene 2:

Three Weeks later. The place once known as Peter's Wife's Cookie was now Griffin Video Rental. The shelves and cases were still there. Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire walk inside to see what Peter had accomplished.

Peter: Hope I can get better service with a video store than I ever did with the cookie store.

Joe: Wow! Peter! Looks just like an old Hollywood Video store.

Cleveland: All we need are some movies we can rent.

Quagmire: What we ought to do to start out is look for any old DVDs we have and see if people will rent them.

Peter: I already know which sections I want. And you guys will be charge of them.

Joe: Really nice of you, Peter. Can I be in charge of the Action Movies section?

Peter: Sadly, no. Actually, I think you ought to be in the charge of the Romantic Drama Tearjerker movie section.

Joe: Oh fuck!

Peter: Cleveland, you're black so you'll be in charge of the black movie section. You can help people find movies like Friday and Tales From The Hood.

Cleveland: Goddamit! Why do you have to be so racist!

Peter: As for you, Quagmire. You'll be in the charge of the porn section!

Quagmire: Heh heh! All Right!

Peter then sees a donation box across the street.

Joe: That's a donation box that used to belong to Goodwill. Found it in an evidence room. So I used my Powers That Be as a cop to move it here.

Cleveland: Great idea, Joe! That way, people can donate their DVDs so we can sell them!

Peter: Wow! Holy Freaking Awesome! Our business will be blooming in no time!

Scene 3:

A week had gone. Everyone in Quahog put their old DVDs into the donation box. Peter gets some DVDs out of the donation box. One of them drops.

Peter (picks up DVD): Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story? Boy! How much fun did I have when I was Jason Scott Lee's stunt double?!


The set of the 1960's Green Hornet series is shown. Van Williams was tied to a chair. Two actors who played villains were trying to get him to reveal the location of a formula. One actor was dressed as a mad doctor. The other was a henchman.

Actor 1: All right, Green Hornet! Where's the secret formula?

Van Williams: Where it belongs!

Actor 1: Okay! Have it your way!

The other actor comes up to Van Williams with a blow torch. Van Williams gulps as he's tied to the chair. A door explodes and out comes Peter Griffin dressed up like Kato.

Van Williams: KATO!

Peter (as Kato): YYYAAAAWWWWW! (breaks a railing)

The two actors were stunned as Peter slid down the pole then beat up the actor playing the henchman who had the blow torch by throwing him onto a table.

Peter (as Kato): Haaaiii! Fllllyyyyy! Doooo bbllllaaaaaiiiii!

Van Williams: Good work, Kato!

Peter jumps three feet into the air and kicks a ceiling light. Peter beats up another actor playing a henchman by knocking his gun out of his hands.

Van Williams: I said good work Kato! Sheesh son of a bitch!

Peter smashing the table scaring away the actor who played the mad doctor.

Director: CUT!!!! (walks up to Peter) What was that?

Peter: What was what?

Director: That shit you were doing! You just cost the studio a million fucking dollars in damage!

Peter (to the camera); Wow! Really messed up that time!

The Curb your Enuthusiam song plays as the camera comes up to Peter's face.

[End Cutaway]

With all the donated DVDs, it was enough. For Peter Griffin now had a video rental business. Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were very impressed.

Joe: This place is really beginning to look like a video rental place!

Peter: You're right. To hell with Netflix and Hulu! Young people these days will never understand the fun of video rentals!

Cleveland: We got something for everyone! Comedy, Drama, Musicals....

Quagmire: Yeah, Action, Foreign, Independent, even TV shows!

Peter: Speaking of TV Shows, we also have British shows like Benny Hill and Monty Python.

Joe: Also, classic comedy! Abbott and Costello and the Marx Brothers.

Peter: And my personal favorites silent films. Also, my personal favorites the Three Stooges and Laurel and Hardy! Oh! And even black comedians like The Nicholas Brothers and Amos and Andy!

Quagmire: We got Horror, Sci Fi, cartoons....

Cleveland: All we need now are some customers.

Peter (looks out the window): Okay I think I see somebody coming. Get to your stations people!

Joe: Hey, maybe we need to hire some more people to work at the Comedy and other stations.

Peter: Never mind that, I'll take care of everything else.

Taking a better look at the costumer. He looks like a dog in 1990's clothing.

Joe: That's our first costumer?

Peter: Must be one of those 'fursona' people.

The dog turned out to be Poochie from Itchy and Scratchy.

Quagmire: Hello, welcome to Griffin Video Rental. How may I help you!

Poochie (doing a song and dance): My names Poochie D and I rock that telly. I'm half Joe Camel and and a third Fonzerelli. I'm the Kung Fu Hippie from Gangsta City! I'm a rapping surfer you the fool I pity!

Cleveland (gets frustrated): Is this asshole going to rent a video form us or what!

Peter: I want him to die for some reason.

Quagmire: That's our first costumer? A one shot Simpsons character?

Poochie (plays guitar): Wiggity Wiggity Word Up! (walks up to Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire): Catch you on the flip side dude meisters! NOT!

Joe: This is a video rental store.....

Poochie: Hey kids! Always recycle! TO THE EXTREME!

Joe, Cleveland, Peter, and Quagmire watch as Poochie exits the video rental store on his skateboard.

Cleveland (scoffs): That was a waste of our time!

Quagmire: No shit. More needless than when Ren and Stimpy switched places with CatDog!


On one side of the screen it shows Ren and Stimpy. On the other, there was CatDog.

Cat: Pull yourself together you sick little monkey!

Dog: Happy Happy! Joy Joy!

Ren: They can't resist my animal magnetism!

Stimpy: Hi Ho Diggity!

[End Cutaway]

Peter (to the screen): That fucking sucked!

Scene 4:

After a day with no costumers coming into Griffin Video Rental. A familiar face comes inside.

Peter: Yes! Finally! About time!

Joe: Hey, I know who that is!

Cleveland: It's Rob Gronkowski!

Quagmire: What's he doing back in town?

Peter: Let's invite him in. Maybe we want to make amends.

Cleveland: Okay, let him in. I'm willing to give him a second chance.

Rob Gronkowski: I see you got a video rental store here.

Peter: That's right we do! I'm Peter Griffin.

Rob Gronkowski: Yeah, I remember you.

Joe: Can we interest you in renting one of our videos?

Rob Gronkowski: Yes. That's why I'm here. I know we got off on the wrong foot. And I'm sorry for all that loud partying I did when I moved into your neighborhood.

Cleveland: That's all water under the bridge.

Quagmire: Yeah, let bygones be bygones.

Peter: What movie would you like to rent from us?

Rob Gronkowski: You wouldn't happen to have the football movie Rudy do you?

Peter: Great choice! Sean Astin wanting to play for the Norte Dame football team. Let's take a look.

Going around all the sections of genres. Peter begins to gulp a little bit.

Peter: Sports...sports! Come on! There has got to be a sports section here? Didn't anyone donate any sports movies?!

Coming up empty. Peter Griffin had forgotten the one genre of movies for his video rental store. Sports.

Peter (runs up to his friends): We're fucked! We're fucked! We're fucked three ways to Sunday!

Joe: What's the issue?

Peter: We have no section for sports movies!

Quagmire (gasps): Not all right!

Peter: I looked everywhere for Rudy. As it turns out! No Sports movies here! Not even football!

Cleveland: No Sports movies? Do we have Baseball at least?

Peter: Nope!

Cleveland: Tennis?

Peter: Nope!

Cleveland: Golf?!

Peter: Nope!

Cleveland: Boxing?!

Peter: Nope.

Cleveland: Skateboarding?!

Peter: Nope!

Cleveland: Ice skating? Track and Field? Swimming? Gymnastics! Olympics?!

Peter: Nope nope nope nope nope!

Joe: What are we going to tell Rob Gronkowski?

Rob Gronkowski: Do you have it or not?

Peter: Might as well come clean with the truth here. Sorry to have to tell you this. But we don't have any movies in the Sports Genre?

Rob Gronkowski: WHHAATTT?!

Peter (nervously): Now now, take it easy there! We have Westerns!

Joe: Yeah, how about we interest you in the movie Hidalgo?

Rob Gronkowski: SOOO! You don't have a section for sports movies, hey?

Cleveland: We just opened a few weeks ago.

Quagmire: Yeah, you can't expect us to have everything when we're so new!

Rob Gronkowski: Forget making up with you! Since you don't have sports movies, I'm shutting you down!

Peter: Oh no!

Rob Gronkowski goes on a rampage by breaking all the shelves and signs with his bare hands. Then he goes on his cellphone and says, ""yes yes! uh huh! uh huh! yes! thank you!"

Joe: Who did he just call?

Rob Gronkowski: I made a negotiation with my lawyers! I just bought out your business.

Peter: Uhhh, you can do that!

Rob Gronkowski: Hello! I'm a football player! I can take whatever I want! OJ Simpson ain't got nothing on me!

Quagmire: What does this mean?

Rob Gronkowski: It means....YOU'RE EVICTED! I'm taking over this place now! Now fuck off!

One by one. Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were thrown out of what used to be Griffin Video Rental. Rob Gronkowski goes outside to gloat.

Rob Gronkowski: I'm turning this place into a Best Buy! We football players love to promote electronics like televisions and such! I even got the deed to this place! (shows Peter the deed) See?! So long losers! (laughs sinisterly.)

Joe: Are you aware that you just hurt a cripple? You son of a bitch! Don't you know if you hurt a disabled person you can go to Hell!

Cleveland: I don't think he heard us.

Quagmire: If only we had sports movies. Who knows what else he could do with his power as a football player?

Peter: You're telling me. I might as well be back singing commercial jingles for Doubletree Hotels.


Scenes from the movie The Haunting were shown. As Peter sings the Roy Orbison song Sweet Dreams, but the lyrics were changed.

Peter (singing): Scary Nightmares! Baby! Scary Nightmares! Baby! Scary Nightmares! Baby! Why Won't Somebody Wake Me The Fuck Up!

Voiceover: Scary Nightmares! Brought to you by The Hill House! Actual Nightmares May Vary!

[End Cutaway]

Scene 5:

At The Drunken Clam. Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire try to devise a plan to get their Video Rental place back. Jerome walks up to them.

Jerome: Well, well well. If it isn't the sports haters!

Peter: We don't hate sports!

Joe: Yeah, where did you get an idea like that?

Jerome: Since Rob Gronkowski came to town to start a Best Buy he told everyone in Quahog not to talk to you or let you in anywhere because you guys hate sports.

Cleveland: Did he happen to mention we didn't have a Sports Genre at our video rental store we used to have.

Jerome: Yeah, I think he said something like that around the lines. Now get out!

Quagmire: Come on! We'll find some other bars to hang out in.

Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire all walk out of The Drunken Clam in shame. People driving cars passed them by, throwing things at them.

Person in Car: SPORTS HATERS!!

Peter: Oh that is it! We are getting our video rental place back!

Joe: But we can't. As a cop, I happen to know that celebrities and sports players alike have very high priced lawyers.

Cleveland: Maybe we should just give up.

Quagmire: The question is when we had that store why didn't we put up a sign that says We Need Sports movies. Gosh I hate myself for not thinking about that sooner.

Peter: Once again, Rob Gronkowski has fucked us in the ass.

Quagmire: I know right. Too bad we can't kidnap him.

Joe: I can arrest you just for saying that.

Quagmire: You said that exact same thing when we plotted to kill Jeff Fecalman!

Joe: But I refuse to do anything that goes against my vows with being a cop.

Peter: I think Quagmire has a good plan. We can not only kidnap Rob Gronkowski. We can also humiliate him! On the internet.

Cleveland: Yeah. We can do degrading stuff to him! Like those messy stunts they pull on Big Brother!

Peter: Freaking awesome, Cleveland!

Joe: Well, you guys are my friends. So I could let go of my police work for a while. So I'm in.

Peter: Once we inflict such physical harm down upon him, he'll have no choice but to give us our store back!

Quagmire: And prove to this town we are not Sports Haters once and for all!

Peter: So, are we in or are we out!

Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire: IN!

Peter: So come on! Let's kidnap that son of a bitch Rob Gronkowski!

Cleveland: Yeah! We'll make him cry! Sob even harder than when Lois did the day John Lennon died!


Lois was on the kitchen floor crying. Peter enters the kitchen in an angry manner.

Peter (shouting): Who was he? Lois! Who was he? All he ever did was smoke crack!

Lois (sobbing): But...he meant something to me! He was my favorite Beatle! (sobs)

Peter (shouting): He was fucking some Asian woman who was old enough to be his Grandmother!

[End of Cutaway]

Cleveland: Thanks for letting me and Quagmire do cutaways!

Quagmire: Yeah, they're fun!

Peter: Anytime! Cutaways are the cornerstone of our cartoon show after all!

Scene 6:

Going back to what used to be Peter's Wife's Cookies which later turned into Griffin Video Rental Store. Now all that stands is an empty store with Rob Gronkowski inside making preparations to build a Best Buy. Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire proceed with their plan.

Peter: You all ready for this?

Quagmire: Yeah! I usually use these roofies on chicks I want to bang. (pours roofies into some beer)

Joe: We'll replace his drink with the drugged beer.

Cleveland: I'll sneak in and do it.

Peter (looks inside window): He's looking away.

Rob Gronkowski was inside looking for sections to sell electronics. Cleveland sneaks inside as quietly as he can. Cleveland gets Rob Gronkowski's cup and pours out the drink inside and replaces it with the drugged beer. Quagmire was watching in suspense.

Quagmire: Come on, Cleveland! Come on!

A group of lawyers came in who worked for Rob Gronkowski to have a discussion about the store. Thankfully, Cleveland jumped out the window without being heard.

Joe: What should we do now?

Peter: We watch and wait.

Rob Gronkowski and his lawyers were talking and laughing at the same time. Rob Gronkowski takes a drink, then begins to feel dizzy and tired.

Peter: He took the drink! YES!

Before his lawyers knew it. Rob Gronkowski collapsed on the floor unconscience. His lawyers all run away scared.

Lawyers: Don't worry we'll call an ambulance!

Joe: Now is our chance!

With the lawyers out of the building, Peter Quagmire, and Cleveland carry the now drugged Rob Gronkowski and stuff him into the truck of Peter's car.

Peter: We did it! Operation abduct Rob Gronkowski was a huge success!

Quagmire: Now! Let's have a little fun with him!

Joe: Yeah! We did it! Now we're going to kick his ass!

Cleveland: Just one problem.

Peter: What's that, Cleveland?

Cleveland: Where are we going to hide him away?

Peter: Oh shit! I did not think that one through.

Quagmire: Relax! I know a place.

Cleveland: Really? Where?

Joe: Knowing you. It's probably some unknown sex dungeon you have somewhere that's hidden away.

Quagmire: Heh. Sex Dungeon? I wish! Anyway, Peter. Your son Chris told me about a warehouse where he had Meg stashed that one time you all thought she was dead. I know where it is.

Peter: Once we get through with Rob Gronkowski. He's going to wish he never met us!

Driving away to the warehouse, Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire all drive Rob Gronkowski to a warehouse to humiliate him on social media.

Scene 7:

In the warehouse where Meg was once held. Rob Gronkowski slowly awakens from the drugged beer. He was about to wake up to a horror show.

Rob Gronkowski: Ehhh, where am I? What is this?

Unable to move, Rob Gronkowski finds himself tied to a chair. Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire who set up an iphone came out of hiding.

Peter: A-ha!

Rob Gronkowski: What the fuck is this all about!

Joe: You took away something that rightfully belong to our friend, Peter!

Cleveland: Yeah, he opened a video store then you bought it and made us out to look like we are Sports Haters.

Quagmire: We love sports more than anything. Well, hot chicks are really my number one priority!

Rob Gronkowski (struggling against he ropes): What're you going to do to me?

Peter: We promise to let you go if you give me back my Video Store.

Rob Gronkowski: Never! I bought that store fair and square after I found out you didn't have any Sports movies. I was looking for another reason to hate you, Peter Griffin. And now I found it. For that, I will NEVER make up with you! In case you've forgotten, I got the deed!

Peter: In the words of Ace Ventura! All Righty Then! You leave us no choice!

Quagmire turns on the iphone.

Rob Gronkowski: What the fuck is going on here? What is this shit?!?!?!

Peter: Welcome to our new viral reality tv show!

Joe: It's a Harsh Reality for you if you ask me!

Quagmire (laughs): You just said the name of this fanfic!

Cleveland: The title of our show is, "SLOB ON ROB!"

Peter (chanting): SLOB ON ROB!

Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire soon join in on the chanting.

Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire: SLOB ON ROB! SLOB ON ROB!

Rob Gronkowski: You won't get away with this! My highly priced lawyers will work to throw your asses in prison!

Peter: The only one who's in prison here is you, ass! (twists Rob Gronkowski's nose then speaks into the iphone): Rob Gronkowski is the worst football player ever! First he invaded my neighborhood with endless partying. Now he took over my video store all because I didn't have sports movies available.

Cleveland (into the iphone): What he didn't understand is our business was in it's infancy.

Quagmire (into the iphone): We were going to get sports movies later on when our video store took off.

Peter (into the iphone): Then he branded us to be sports haters! We are the farthest thing from that!

Joe, Cleveland, Quagmire, and Peter proceed to throw apples and other fruits at him.

Peter: He looks like a carny with his head in a hole, go ahead neighbor!

Quagmire throws an apple at Rob Gronkowski.

Peter: Five will get you ten. Throw another and ring him out there!

Rob Gronkowski: Bllaaahhh! (gets apples thrown in his face)

Peter: That's it! You got it! Pitch 'em in there!

Cleveland throws an apple at Rob Gronkowski.

Peter (hands Joe a beer bottle): Here you go midget wheely pumpkin head! Throw this beer bottle and win a prize!

Joe (throws beer bottle): Take that, fuckass!

When the beer bottle gets thrown, Rob Gronkowski's face was a bloody mess.

Rob Gronkowski: I'm bloody!

Peter (hands Quagmire a vase): Hold this, eagle eye! Take a hold at this. (grabs apples) Wait a minute now. Take straight aim now!

Quagmire watches as Peter walks up to Rob Gronkowski holding apples to his face.

Peter: Knock this fucking apple off of this asswipe football players head and win a free ride on the ferris wheel!

Quagmire throws the vase at Rob Gronkowski missing the apple.

Cleveland: That wasn't a very good aim.

Peter: No big deal, Quagmire. It's a bullseye in reverse! (smashing the apple on Rob Gronkowski) Applesauce!

As Rob Gronkowski sat tied up in the chair. Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were all laughing at him.

Cleveland: Look at the mess we made on his face!

Quagmire: I know right!

Peter: Tell me about it! He looks like Beast Within!


The scene shows Michael McCleary strapped to a bed and breaking out of the straps. Then the people around him were horrified by his transformation. Michael McCleary then morphed into LeVar Burton.

LeVar Burton: Hello people! I'm the new host on Jeopardy! That's terrific! That's correct! Next category please! Thanks for watching I hope to see you on Jeopardy tommorow!

The people surrounded him scream and run away in fear.

[End Cutaway]

Scene 8:

Once Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were getting done with throwing fruit at Rob Gronkowski. Peter speaks into the iphone.

Peter: We sure did a number on this son of a bitch! Wontcha say?

Joe (speaks into the iphone): However we want to know what you people think!

Cleveland (speaks into the iphone): Yes! You the people!

Quagmire (speaks into the iphone): You folks watching at home! Put it to a vote! Should Rob Gronkowski give Peter the deed back to his video rental store?

Peter: Stay tuned! We got more coming up on SLOB ON ROB!

Their fun with humiliating Rob Gronkowski came to an end once Rob Gronkowski's lawyers broke into the warehouse.

Peter: Who the fuck are they?

Lawyers: We're Lawyers!

Peter: Oh, I get it! Like those ones from Mel Brooks's Life Stinks?

Cleveland: No Peter! Those lawyers are working for Rob Gronkowski.

Rob Gronkowski (laughs): So the black man is very wise to figure that one out!

Cleveland: Shut up, asstard!

Lawyer #1: Rob Gronkowski bought your video store. He has every right to do anything he wants with it.

Joe: Shit! They got us there.

Lawyer #2: If you don't release him this minute. We will make sure you all get over 25 years in prison.

Quagmire: A twenty year prison sentence? Don't want to be facing that again!

Peter: How did you know where we are?

Lawyer #3: Duh! That stupid viral video show you guys are doing!

Lawyer #1: Yes, it got over a billion hits!

Lawyer #2: You didn't think people who work in the criminal justice system would notice that, dumbasses.

Peter: For your information. We have lots of reasons why we are getting revenge on Rob Gronkowski.

Joe: Exactly! Rob Gronkowski isn't this great guy like you all seem to think he is.

Cleveland: The day he moved to Spooner Street, he disrupted our neighborhood with partying.

Peter: That's right. Then he got pissy with us because we didn't have any Sports Movies in our video store.

Joe: He broke apart Peter's video store with his bare hands then bought it right from under us.

Rob Gronkowski: When my new Best Buy store opens, people will get all the videos they want.

The Lawyers went over the deed.

Rob Gronkowski: Tell these asses the terrible truth.

Lawyer #1: Yep. This deed is airtight.

Lawyer #2: There's nothing you guys can do. Anything a famous sports player buys, becomes his property no matter what!

Lawyer #3: Now we shall call the cops. Kidnapping a famous sports player is a federal offense.

Rob Gronkowski: Think you guys are considered sports haters now just wait until you guys kidnapping me gets public.

Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire huddle together to think of a plan. The iphone was still filming.

Scene 9:

Rob Gronkowski and the Lawyers were confused as to what Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were planning to do.

Lawyer #1: What do they think they're going to do?

Lawyer #2: Look at those pathetic fucks. They think they're above the law.

Lawyer #3: We're better than them. We got Masters and Bachelors Degrees at Princeton.

Peter (walks up to the Lawyers): We decided something.

Lawyer #2: What is it?

Joe: We challenge you to a fencing match!

Lawyer #3: You're on!

Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire get wooden sticks that were laying around the warehouse.

Rob Gronkowski: Hey! Isn't anybody going to free me?!

Peter: Shut up Rob!

Cleveland: If we win we give Peter his video store back!

Lawyer #3: We will win! We're rich!

Lawyer #2: Yes indeed! Why are we rich!?

Lawyers (all together): Because We're Lawyers!

Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire all engage in a fencing match with the lawyers. Korn's Mass Hysteria plays.


Peter (picks up stick): I'll fill you full of holes like Swiss Cheese!

Lawyer #1 and Peter were fencing each other with sticks. As were Joe and Quagmire with the other lawyers. Cleveland felt left out.

Cleveland: Dammit! Why weren't there enough sticks for me!

Rob Gronkowski (taunting): Awww, what's wrong? Does the little black baby feel left out!

Cleveland: You'll regret that!

Rob Gronkowski found himself being pummeled by very angry Cleveland.

Cleveland: Wow! Awesome! This way I'm part of the fight!

Lawyer #2 and Joe were fencing with sticks.

Joe (his stick gets knocked out): Please! Have mercy on me! I'm a cripple!

Lawyer #2: Too bad! For you!

Joe ducks as Lawyer #2 mistakenly hits his fist on a pipe.

Lawyer #2 (looks at his hand and it's all big): AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Joe: Ha! That's what you get for trying to fuck with a crippled cop!

Lawyer #3 was sparring with Quagmire.

Quagmire: This is a trick I like to call the Giggity Twist!

Lawyer #3 gets his stick knocked out of his hand by Quagmire who then does a spin and throws his stick into the air. Quagmire tries to catch his stick only to have Lawyer #3 catch it.

Quagmire: Aww crap!

Lawyer #3: So much for your Giggity Twist! Whatever the fuck that was supposed to be!

Quagmire now was getting hit by Lawyer #3 with both sticks.

Lawyer #3: Ha ha!

Quagmire: Joe! Help me!

Joe charges at Lawyer #3 with his wheelchair.

Lawyer #3: What the hell!

Joe uses his wheelchair to run over Lawyer #3.

Quagmire: Wow thanks Joe!

As Cleveland was pummeling on Rob Gronkowski's face. Peter was still sparring with Lawyer #1.

Lawyer #1: You might as well give up.

Peter: Take it easy now....

Lawyer #1: How's this for easy?

Peter dodges on one side that makes Lawyer #1's stick stuck in a hole.

Lawyer #1: I can't get it out!

Peter: Now you won't be able to shit or sit down for a week!

Taking his stick, Peter jams it into Lawyer #1's anus.

Lawyer #1: YYYEEEEOOOOOWWW! RRRRAAAAAPPPPEEEEE!!!! (falls into the ground)

Peter (giggles then looks at his now bent stick): I think I might have committed sodomy!

The Lawyers were all knocked out. Cleveland tries to get Rob Gronkowski to sign the deed back over to Peter.

Cleveland: Your lawyers are in comas now! You going to give Peter back his video store?

Rob Gronkowski (slurring): Yyyyeesssss!

Scene 10 Conclusion:

Cleveland makes Rob Gronkowski sign the deed to the video store back over to Peter. Joe uses some glue to put up Rob Gronkowski's and his lawyer's noses.

Peter: Is that smelling salt you're putting in their nose, Joe?

Joe: No it's Forgetting Glue. Another thing I found in the evidence locker.

Quagmire: Can I have that after you're done? There's a woman who wants to press charges against me on sexual assault.

Cleveland: What exactly is Forgetting Glue?

Joe: Once Rob Gronkowski and his lawyers wake up, they won't remember a thing that happened.

Peter: Holy freaking sweet! The important thing is I got my deed back!

Cleveland: Now we can run our rental place!

Quagmire: Until we get all genres of movies.

At the spur of the moment, a bunch of teenagers from Adam West High come into the warehouse. The teens were the ones who bullied Chris.

Peter: What are you guys doing here?

Teen #1: We're going to have a party, man!

Teen #2: This is our hangout place!

Teen #3: We only allow the cool crowd to be in here.

Teen #4: Not lame ass adults!

Joe: Okay then. Carry on. We'll take our leave.

Peter: Have fun!

Quagmire: Drink responsibly!

One of the teens takes away Peter's deed.

Peter: Hey! You'll regret that!

Teen #1: Let's play Keep Away!

Teen #2: Yeah, catch!

Peter Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire kept running in the direction the teens were throwing the deed.

Teen #3: Throw it here I'm open man!

Peter: Surround him!

The teen threw the deed too far and it landed inside a picture of Napoleon who walked away with the deed.

Cleveland: What even!

Quagmire: How can a painting come to life like that!

Peter (grabbing a brick): Give me this brick.

Joe: Yeah! Kick his ass, Peter!

Throwing the brick at Napoleon that makes him fall over. The teens were astounded.

Teen #2: Come on dudes. Let's go over to my Dad's house. He has beer.

Teen #3: Yeah, this is some fucked up shit!

The teens leave the warehouse. Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire jump into the picture where Napoleon once stood.

Peter: Yeah! Everybody wants to get in the act!

Quagmire: No shit! We got the deed back!

Cleveland: Let's celebrate!

Joe: I'm doing wheelies!

Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire (singing): Yeah Ho! We got the deed back! Oh yes indeed we did! Yeah Ho! Yeah Ho! We got the deed back!

After the dance was done, they completely forgotten about the iphones that they used.

Peter: Oh crap!

Joe: I forgot all about it!

Cleveland and Quagmire (together): We need to erase what he filmed!

Scene 11 Epilogue:

Three months later. Griffin's Video Rental was back in business. People in Quahog were renting their videos. 'Slob On Rob' was completely removed from the internet airwaves.

Joe: So how does it feel to get your business back Peter?

Peter: Now that we have every genre sports included. Holy Freaking Awesome!

Quagmire: I know! People are actually renting movies again.

Cleveland: What is more important, Peter. The money you make or the people you make happy.

Peter: Money! Nah, just kidding! The people. Ahhh, maybe both.

Joe laughs with Cleveland, Peter, and Quagmire. Then they see a man working the counter wearing silent era clothing.

Quagmire: Hey, who's that Buster Keaton looking dude on the counter?

Peter: Oh, that's Sam from Benny and Joon. He wanted a job.

Sam (to some customers): You'll find classics in the back!

Quagmire (to a woman): And you'll find porn behind those beads!

Joe: Isn't this great?

Cleveland: People renting videos again.

Quagmire: Just like the good old days!

Peter: I came up with a commercial jingle for my rental store. Want to hear it?

Joe: Yeah, sure!

Peter (singing): Griffins Video Rental! We Have Every Genre Made! Even Sports!

Quagmire: That sounds like the Gatorade song!

Cleveland: Ahh, so what!

Peter: Come on what are we waiting for! Go to your stations! We got some movies to rent!

Joe was now working the Action Genre, Cleveland the Comedies and Dramas, and Quagmire the Pornos. Now that Peter got his Video Rental Place back. He gave his friends better places in the store to work at. As for Rob Gronkowski? Well, let's just say he had a big part of his memory wiped out and returned to playing football. Never again to terrorize anymore small towns.

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