Categories > Cartoons > Paradise PD
It All Never Happened0 reviews
Set in an AU where season there was nothing but a fantasy
Story: It All Never Happened
by: Zoey Webber
A very pregnant Karen Crawford had just fired her husband Randall from the police force. After an explosion in the church that Dusty caused revealed that the land of Twatamala was really a very huge and giant Dobby who destroyed and swallowed Fitz, Bullet, Fitz Jr, and Stanley whole. Gina ran away full of regret after killing Isis thinking she wasn't worthy of Kevin on account of her violent streak.
KAREN: You're off the police force for good Randall. You and Kevin are both fired!
RANDALL singing and dancing: Pump Up The Jam! Pump it up!
Karen and Randall froze. Then some words appear that read, "END SIMULATION". Dusty was watching the whole thing on a Crime Tracking computer.
DUSTY: Wow! That was terrible.
Kevin and Bullet walk in.
BULLET: There you are, Dusty.
KEVIN: What are you doing in here?
BULLET: You just missed us have a fun adventure!
DUSTY: Oh this. Uhhh. When we got back from Brickleberry. I got scared of what Fitz the Kingpin was going to do. I hid away in here and watched this simulation of what would've happened with that whole Operation DD nukes.
KEVIN: What did you see?
DUSTY: A whole lot of weird shit.
BULLET: What type of weird shit?
DUSTY: The nuke blew our town into a giant pizza. Then we had to live in the sewers for three months.
KEVIN: That is fucked up! Tell us more.
DUSTY: Then your Dad had an ass pylop that took over his whole body.
BULLET: No way! Get out! Bet that was funny!
DUSTY: After that, Randall wanted to arrest someone for a crime then he made you Kevin be Jewish.
KEVIN: Does sound like something he would do. Did you see Amy, Evans, Shawn, and Nigel.
DUSTY: Unfortnately, no. In this simulation I watched, it was like they never existed.
BULLET: What else happened in the simulation.
DUSTY: Robby and Delbert started a carnival. Mutants were after Fitz. I gave Fitz an alter ego named Beans Stinkwater. I even blackmail Fitz to do things for me. I even made Bullet be a viral video star!
BULLET: Don't like the sound of that.
KEVIN: What else?
DUSTY: I made Fitz do a Family Feud, Randall goes to Paris who falls in love with this woman named Cookie who really turned out to be Dean Hancock all along.
KEVIN: Ha! Way to put my Dad in his place.
BULLET: Was there any sex involved?
DUSTY: Kevin falls in love with Gina. There was guns all around at one point. Even a Dukes of Hazzard thing. I got to be Boss Hogg!
KEVIN: Holy crap! I would never.....
BULLET: What happened to the Legion of DOOOOOM?
DUSTY: Fitz told them all to go straight. Get this. Fitz in this simulation was a family man. Married to a dolphin and had a hybrid son that was a mixture of you Bullet and the Dolphin.
BULLET: That's gross. What else?
DUSTY: I start a fat club that turned into a cult. Gina masterbated so much that she had to be tied up to stop herself. That was sick! Karen got pregnant. Then her mother came to down to baby proof their house. Forgot to say, you and Gina go to Canada to make Gina jealous that you have a girlfriend there.
KEVIN: Obviously, this Computer Simulator doesn't know us very well.
DUSTY: There were Blimps all around the town at one point. Fitz and Randall run away to live on them. They even made friends with Bill Clinton. Then I got taken away by drones.
KEVIN: How did that happen?
DUSTY: Gina got a new clit that held her captive.
BULLET: Total crap. Gina can never get held captive! What even!
KEVIN: She's been shot and injured a few times, but held against her will?
DUSTY: I know. That made me mad too! Then you Kevin and Gina go Larping. Where you turn into mythical creatures. And Camaro Bob was there. He was super high on weed.
KEVIN: Really? What did I turn into?
DUSTY: A midget.
KEVIN: Geez, even in a computer simluation I can never get a break. What then?
DUSTY: Karen wanted to raise money to rebuild Paradise after the nuke. A casino got built. Oh, and Prop Cop made a comeback as a ghost.
BULLET: Everything you're telling us you've seen makes me glad none of this happened for real.
KEVIN : What of the baby?
DUSTY: The baby kept coming out of Karen and was plotting to kill you.
KEVIN: Even the unborn treat me like I'm some type of dictator who needs to be overthrown.
BULLET: What about Stanley?
DUSTY: He got kidnapped by ninjas and I made him be my bitch during the Dukes of Hazzard thing. Silly me, I forgot to mention that I held up a donut shop that Frank Flipperfist was running. You'll never guess what else?
BULLET: Tell us more.
DUSTY: Agent Clappers wanted revenge on Fitz. He teams up with the mutants that were after him. He even disguises himself as a new recruit. For some reason, the mutants used Pee Wee Herman for their plan against Fitz. Clappers fell into it instead.
KEVIN: Sounds hilarious! A serious man like Clappers using a silly dude like Pee Wee Herman? laughs
BULLET: Okay then what else?
DUSTY: Kevin and Gina were going to get married. Fitz and Bullet get captured by Clappers who used Fitz Jr as bait. Then by some miracle, Fitz and Bullet used some type of Superman power to turn the mutants back to normal. One of the mutants Clovis was really Patty Mae.
KEVIN: Wow! Seeing everything in that simulation would make me really angry.
DUSTY: You haven't heard the worst part. Gina got her bullet taken out then she became kind and sweet. Just so she could marry Kevin.
KEVIN: Very ridiculous. Even if I was in love with Gina. I would never want to her remove that bullet from her brain. Hell, I would not even want Amy to change herself for me.
DUSTY: Randall did a euology for Dobby.....
KEVIN: Not so fucking surprising. Dad liking Dobby better than me.
DUSTY: And the grand finale was I wanted to lose weight. So I joined this group who turned out to be Isis! Not the Isis you're thinking of. It was an Isis style group with celebrities that got made fun of.
BULLET: Bet we hit fourth wall a lot in the simulation. Do Kevin and Gina get married?
DUSTY: That we did. They were about to. But Isis was ruining everything. Gina had Kevin put a bullet back in her. Though she was really unsure about having it back in her. Once she did have the bullet back, she became even stronger than before.
KEVIN: Then what?
DUSTY: She kills off Isis. Then strangles Kevin and Randall. After that she runs away crying, thinking she wasn't worthy of you. Then Dobby comes back from an explosion I caused.
BULLET: What does Dobby do?
DUSTY: Destroy the city then eats Fitz, Bullet, Fitz Jr, and Stanley. Gina runs away never to return again. Then Karen fires both you and Randall.
KEVIN: Sounds like a catastophe you just watched.
BULLET: Instead of wasting time with that computer simulation 'what if' shit. We sure could've used your help.
DUSTY: Yeah you're right. Sorry I wasn't there. So, what did I miss?
KEVIN: While you were watching all that, we took down Fitz!
BULLET: Then we foiled Operation DD before it even happened.
KEVIN: We saved the town and became the best police force in all of Illinois! Speaking of marriage! Amy proposed to me!
DUSTY: That's wonderful Kevin. Where's Fitz now?
BULLET: We arrested his ass. We also got his Legion of DOOOOOM too!
KEVIN: They're all in prison now.
DUSTY: Did you happen to send them to that Ladies Prison where I was?
KEVIN: Nope someplace even worse!
BULLET: Well come on! Come see what you missed.
DUSTY: All right. OH! One more thing! Robby and Delbert after the nuke hit started their own country called Twatamala.
KEVIN: You can forget all about what you saw. Me and Gina? Nahhh.
DUSTY: Yeah. I guess I could. It wasn't real anyway.
BULLET: And now for your viewing pleasure. Here is Paradise PD season 4!
KEVIN: But first! Here's what became of Fitz!
The scene changes to a Prison Work Camp. Then Fitz and his Legion of DOOOOOM are shown wearing dark blue jumpsuits. Handcuffs and leg irons and were forced to dig holes and break rocks.
FITZ: Oh if I get out of here.....
AGT. CLAPPPERS: Shut up, Fitz! Less talk! More work!a
FITZ: This is all the Paradise PD 's fault I'm here!
AGT. CLAPPERS: No it's because of your evilness and selfish attitude that brought you here!
FITZ: I'm going to fucking get you, Paradise PD!!!!!!
KEVIN: Ha! So much for going straight hey?
BULLET: Now here's our episode!
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