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Paradise PD


Fanfic Title



Airshow '77


by: Trenton Sands




Scene 1:



In an underground lab just beneath the Paradise Pentacoastal Church. There resides an evil mad scientist named Dr. Waterston. Thing is. Dr. Waterston wasn't always a bad person. He became evil after he held the Paradise PD responsible for the death of his old friend Blackie Chan. Dr. Waterston was an engineer before he became a mad scientist. Ever since Blackie Chan's death, he had it in for the Paradise PD. His speciality was making airplanes for airlines. This time, however he is making a jet airliner that he plans to enter in the upcoming Paradise Airshow.




Dr. Waterston: Yes! Yes! Yes! Give life to my creation!




Pulling down a few levers, and unveiling a curtain. There was a jet airliner. A medium sized one.




Dr. Waterston: This is exactly what I need to destroy the Paradise PD! How dare they get my friend Blackie Chan killed and not ever have done anything about it! This Saturday! I shall enter my jet airliner in the Paradise Airshow. Then I will use to it exact my revenge!




Electricity span around the jet airliner as Dr. Waterston looked at it proudly.




Dr. Waterston: This time after the weekend, the Paradise PD will cease to exist! I built a bomb inside.




Going over to a viewscreen he used to spy on the Paradise PD. Dr. Waterston watches as Randall gives holds a meeting for his fellow police officers.




Dr. Waterston: Those sons of bitches! Look at the way they're just moving on with their lives. It's like Blackie Chan never existed to them!



Walks to the other side of his lab and looks at a picture of Blackie Chan.




Dr. Waterston: Oh, Blackie. If only you were still alive. Instead of joining the police force and getting yourself killed, you could've became an airplane engineer like me! But of course, who was I to tell you how you live your life. Still, we could've made a great team. Unfortunately, I had to make airplanes for Jet Blue and Southwest. Good thing I split that scene when I did!







Spying on the Paradise PD on his viewscreen. Dr. Waterston watches them very closely.







Dr .Waterston: Soon! Soon! SOOON!!!!!!











Scene 2:







At Paradise PD Headquarters. Randall was telling his police force about the impending Airshow that was scheduled to begin on the following Saturday.







Randall: PARADISE PD! Listen up! This Saturday we all know the Paradise Airshow will be underway.







Stanley: My very first Airshow was when I had a three way with the Wright Brothers.







Randall: Save your sex stories until the end of my speech! Anyway as I was saying. We're all going to to the Airshow.







Kevin: Yes! Oh boy!







Gina: Too cool!







Dusty: Count me in!







Bullet: Not you, Dusty!







Dusty: But.....but why? Airplanes are one of my most favorite things in the world. Before I wanted to become a cop, I actually wanted to be a pilot.







Randall: Oh no you don't, Dusty! You've been banned two years ago!







Dusty: I don't even remember what I did!







Randall: That's because after that stunt you pulled at the Airshow two years ago landed you in the mental hospital. You were doped up for days!







Bullet (cracks up): Man, that was a laugh riot, I'll never forget that!







A flashback ensues from the Airshow Two Years Before. Just as an airplane was going to fly, Dusty glides down the runway in a tricycle and a model airplane in his hand.







Dusty (imitates airplane): VVVVVRRROOOOMMMM!! VVVVVRRRROOOOOMMM!! VVVVRRRRROOOOMMMMM!!









Soon after, Dusty found himself being chased by tanks that stopped him in his tracks. Then some Military Police came out of the tanks.







Dusty: Holy shit! Who are you guys?!







Officer: Military Police!







Dusty: What seems to be the problem, officers?







Officer: You know what you did. You were joyriding on the runway with that toy airplane and that kiddie bike!







Dusty: I was just having fun...







Officer: No excuses! You're going to the loony bin!







Dusty (taken away by the Military Police): NNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!







The flashback ended.







Bullet: Too bad I didn't have my iphone. That could've been great for Tiktok!







Randall: As I was saying. My wife Karen decided that ever since that stunt Dusty pulled. The Airshow needs some chaperones.







Gina: I'll be happy to do it.







Randall: That's exactly what I was trying to say here. Karen has chosen us the Paradise PD to chaperone the Airshow this weekend.







Kevin: Too bad we're not going there for fun.







Randall: God dammit Kevin! Crime never takes a holiday. You're a policeman now. You ought to know that!







Dusty was feeling sad knowing he will not be able to attend the Airshow.







Stanley: Chaperones hey! I remember when I was security guard for Sydney Greenstreet. Man, I loved seeing him and Peter Lorre fuck!







Randall: Everyone can come to the Airshow expect Dusty!







Dusty (sobs): What am I supposed to do during the Airshow?







Randall: I don't know. You have Netflix. Why not binge watch some airplane movies. Iron Eagle is a good one.







Dusty: Well, all right.







Bullet: You love binge watching. You binge watched Wall Eyed Wally, remember?







Dusty: Yeah, you're right.







Kevin was holding a sign with Dusty's picture on it that says, "SHOOT TO KILL"!







Randall: Good thinking Kevin! That'll keep Dusty from making an ass of himself at the Airshow! Now go home! Dismissed!







Kevin: Come on, Dad. Give Dusty a chance.







Randall: Never! Now you are going to use that picture of him whether you want to or not.







Kevin: Maybe Dusty won't use that kind of behavior this time around. People can change.







Randall: Man children like Dusty never change. Besides, who's in charge here? You or me?







Kevin: Uhhh, you are Dad!







Randall: That's right son. Everybody go home.







Kevin: Sheesh Dad. Really wish you'd stop acting like James Finlayson from Bonnie Scotland....







Randall ignored Kevin's remark. He took the sign with Dusty's picture on it.







Gina: That Airshow is going to be awesome! (sighs) Won't be the same without Dusty....(walks over to Dusty) What exactly do you do during the Airshow since you've been banned?







Dusty: Usually go over to Goopy Goobers or something like that. Never knew why I was banned until they told me.







Gina: You know, I can try to find a way to get you....







Randall: God dammit Gina! Don't encourage him!







Gina: Okay! (rolls eyes)







As Kevin, Randall, Bullet, Gina, and Stanley departed. Dusty was alone. Then he begins to get an idea in his mind.







Dusty: Yes! I'm going to that Airshow! (screen closes in on Dusty) I AM GOING! ONE WAY OR ANOTHER! I...AM.....GOING! AND I WILL FLY ONE OF THOSE FUCKING PLANES! NOTHING WILL STAND BETWEEN ME AND MY AIRPLANES! I'm going to find a way there. Even if I have to kill someone! No matter what, nothing WILL STOP ME FROM GOING TO THAT AIRSHOW!







The scene changes back to laboratory.







Dr. Waterston (watches Dusty on viewscreen): Better enjoy it while you can. While you're still living! (evil laughter)











Scene 3:







Gerald Fitzgerald and his Legion of DOOOOOM were all wearing swim trunks. Walking in the woods with towels. Fitz, Brett DeMarco, Frank Flipperfist, Russian Mobster, Puffy The Cigarette and Fitz's adopted daughter Zeta were all following their Kingpin leader.







Brett DeMarco: Where the fuck are we going anyway?







Fitz: I found a spot where we can hang out.







Frank Flipperfist: To plan and scheme to sell our meth?







Fitz: Nope. More like a cool hangout spot.







Russian Mobster: I notice there's one....two....TWO of us missing! HA! HA! HA!







Fitz: That's right.







Zeta: Marcos Narcos and Pedro Pooptooth aren't around. Wonder why?







Fitz: They declined to come with us because they can't swim.







Frank Flipperfist: Swim? What do you mean by that?







Fitz: I mean this! Check this place out! (points)







Where Fitz was leading them to was a cliff. At the bottom of the cliff there was a body of water that was in the form of a deep lake. On top of the cliff a tree was there was a rope hanging from a branch.







Brett DeMarco: This is our hang out spot?







Zeta: Wow! So awesome! Always wanted to try this!







Fitz: Gentlemen and lady. Welcome to Cliff Lake!







Puffy the Cigarette: This looks like fun!







Frank Flipperfist: I heard teenagers used to hang out here.







Fitz: Not anymore.







Zeta: Why is that, Daddy Fitz?









Fitz: All the teens who used to hang here got addicted to our houndstooth and argyle meth! Now this places belongs to us! The Legion of DOOOOOM!









Zeta: Yeah, those popular in crowd kids at my old school. I wanted to come here back then. But my family never let me.









Brett DeMarco: We're your new family now and we say you can come here!









Fitz: Guess you can say those teens who used to come here are now 'Less Than Zero'!









Puffy the Cigarette: Good one, Fitz!











Zeta: Yes! I'm a great swimmer!









Fitz: I brought you all here so we can have some fun! Who wants to go first?









Russian Mobster: I'll try!









Fitz: Go ahead!







Russian Mobster (grabs the rope and takes some steps back): Here I go. (jumps and swings on the rope): One...two...three.....four......five.....!







Fitz, Brett, Puffy, Frank, and Zeta all watch as Russian Mobster landed in the water. Then swims back up to the surface.







Russian Mobster: Come on in! The water's fine!







Fitz: Now me! (grabs the rope and takes some steps back): FUCK YOU ASS UP!!!!! (jumps and swings on the rope)!







Brett, Frank, Zeta, Puffy, and Russian Mobster all clap for Fitz as he landed in the water then swam back up to the surface.







Zeta: That was awesome, Daddy Fitz!







Brett DeMarco: My turn now!







Zeta: Do it! Uncle Brett! GO GO GO!!!







Brett DeMarco: (grabs the ropes and takes some steps back) SEMPER FI! (jumps and swings on the rope.)







Landing in the water and swimming back to surface, Zeta swings herself into the lake. Then Frank Flipperfist. Frank and Zeta both swim to the surface.







Fitz: Awesome! Both of you!







Brett DeMarco: Hey, Puffy! You want to try?







Puffy The Cigarette: Yeah okay.







Brett DeMarco leads Puffy to the top of the cliff where the tree is with the rope.







Puffy The Cigarette: If you guys could do this, so can I.







Brett DeMarco: You ever take that costume off?







Puffy The Cigarette: I do sometimes.







Brett DeMarco: If you want to swim, you'll have to take it off.







Puffy The Cigarette: I have to wear it.







Fitz: For as long as you worked for us, Puffy. Why do you wear that costume?







Puffy The Cigarette: I'm an albino. I can't take sunlight.







Fitz: That's it. Thanks for telling us. Brett be careful with him. This isn't such a good idea!







Brett DeMarco: Fuck Fitz! Stop worrying about everything! We can totally do this.







Fitz: Well, it's just that.....







Puffy The Cigarette: I wanna try! I'm going to be the first man to dive in a cigarette costume!







Brett DeMarco: So, relax, Fitz! Stop treating him like he's made of glass!







Russian Mobster: Is he sure? It's like 50, 60 70 degrees in the water! HA HA HA!







Brett DeMarco: I was in the army for five years. Think I know how to do things responsibly! (gives Puffy the rope) Here you go!







Puffy the Cigarette grabs the rope, runs backwards then swings on the rope and falls into the lake. However, Puffy does not come up.







Frank Flipperfist: Puffy's not getting up! Someone do something!







Fitz: Outta my way!







Jumping into the water, Fitz swims like hell won't have it. Puffy The Cigarette was drowning. Fitz swam to him in a fast paced motion. Grabbing Puffy, Fitz swims him to shore and safety.







Zeta: Poor Puffy! Is he okay?







Puffy The Cigarette: I'm fine. I'm okay. Thanks for having my ass out there!







Frank, Zeta, Brett, and Russian Mobster ran down to the cliff where Fitz rescued Puffy.







Fitz: Damn! You could've been killed. Can you breathe?







Puffy The Cigarette: Despite me being in this costume. I can.







Fitz (zones in on Brett): What the hell do you think you were doing! Telling Puffy he could do that!







Brett DeMarco: I didn't know.....







Fitz: He could've died and it would've been all your fault.....Everyone isn't just some toy for you to play with!







Frank Flipperfist: Listen man, he didn't know.







Fitz: SHUT UP AND STAY OUT OF THIS!







Out of the blue, Camaro Bob's voice yelled out.







Camaro Bob: The only things that should stay out of this is you, Fitz!







Fitz: Who said that! (looks around)







Camaro Bob: I did! Camaro Bob! (walks up to Fitz) Gotta ask. What the FUCK do you think you're doing in my summer hangout spot!







Fitz: It's our summer hangout spot now! So FUCK OFF!







Camaro Bob: I was using this place before you, baby. This is where I come to have my all American Orgies!







A bunch of bikini clad women came and gathering around Camaro Bob.







Frank Flipperfist: You're not getting this back. I suggest you turn tail and leave!







Russian Mobster: Yes, indeed. You need to take one, two, three, four, five, six, seven! SEVEN Steps away from here! HA! HA! HA!







Brett DeMarco: You heard what they said. This is our turf. I don't care if you're the richest man in Paradise. If you go I'll fill you full of pharmaceuticals!







Zeta: Eeeewww! You're so gross Camaro Bob! You remind me of Glenn Quagmire!







Camaro Bob: Hey little girl. Sounds to me like you're still in the cooties phase! Maybe when you grow up you can come work for me, baby!







Fitz: Don't you talk to my adopted daughter that way!







Camaro Bob: Seems to me like you're itching for a bitching fight!







Fitz: You're on!







Camaro Bob: Come to the back alleys near my Auto Mall on Saturday. Where I shall take you down with my Kenpo Karate!







Fitz: Deal! The winner gets the Cliff Lake!







Camaro Bob: It's on! See you there!







Brett DeMarco: You really going to take him on?







Fitz: Anyone who gets in my way shall feel my wrath!







Frank Flipperfist: You don't know Kenpo Karate!







Fitz: Doesn't matter.....







Puffy The Cigarette: I don't like this at all.







Zeta: Don't worry. Daddy Fitz! I know you'll win!







Russian Mobster: We ought to forget about Camaro Bob and focus on taking out the Paradise PD.







Fitz: Forget the Paradise PD. Right now....as that Teddy Bear from the Seth MacFarlane movies once said, "We Have A New Enemy!" (evilly laughs)



Scene 4:



Saturday came around. The Paradise Airshow was underway. All the pilots have already signed up. Dr. Waterston was the last one to do so. Kevin was at the booth to sign up the pilots.



Kevin: Hmmm. You must be a last minute entry.



Dr. Waterston: Yes I am. I'd like to sign up my airplane for the Airshow please.



Kevin: Okay just sign these papers (hands Dr. Waterston a clipboard)



Dr. Waterston (writes on clipboard): That was easy. Oh I wanted to ask. Are remote controlled airplanes allowed here?



Kevin: Why yes. Any airplanes will do.



Dr. Waterston: Okay, thank you! I'll go on last for the grand finale!



Kevin: No problem! We look forward to seeing your performance! Bye!



Dr. Waterston: They only ones who will have a grand finale are the Paradise PD! (snickers)



Randall (goes over to Kevin): Kevin! Did you approve the pilots who were coming?



Kevin: You bet I did Dad! You won't believe this, Robbie and Delbert, plus Gina's brother Cooter will be attending.



Randall: Good! Who cares who's going to be there! Now put up this sign!



The sign Randall wanted Kevin to put up was the one with Dusty's picture on it that reads, "SHOOT TO KILL."



Kevin: Sure thing, Dad. (places down the sign)



Before the Airshow begins, Karen Crawford the Mayor makes a speech via a microphone.



Karen: Good morning, Paradise! Are you all ready to see some airplanes today!



Audience erupts in cheers.



Karen: Because of some events that had happened in this Airshow 2 years ago. I'm reffering to the Dusty Marlowe incident! our very own police force the Paradise PD will be chaperoning! Paradise PD! Take center stage!



Stanley, Gina, Kevin, Bullet, and Randall all walk onto the stage. Randall takes the microphone.



Randall: Listen up rednecks, homos, gender fluids are whatever the fuck you young people call yourselves these days.



Bullet secretly runs off.



Randall: We're here to make sure no hanky panky goes on in this Airshow! No goofing off, no trying to sneak in or fly around in one of the planes before they are used....



Gina (gets microphone) : That's right! There better be none of that shit going on here! We'll be watching you all you fucking twat waffles!



The Audience stood in fear. Randall continues his speech.



Randall: As long as we're here, there will be no beer, no drugs, and no....



A movie poster of Rodney Dangerfield's Back To School folds down behind Randall. Instead of Rodney Dangerfield's face being on it, Randall's was super imposed. The audience begins to crack up.



Randall: What the fuck is so funny...what did we just say.....



Voice in Crowd: Behind you!



Turning behind him, Randall sees the movie poster with Randall's face replacing Rodney Dangerfield's face. Randall was offended.



Randall: GOD DAMMIT! Who the fuck did this?!



Stanley: A movie poster, hey? I was on one for.....



Kevin: Don't say it, Stanley! Don't say it!



Stanley: All right! Can't can old man tell a little joke every now and then?



Randall: WHO DID THIS! WHO DID THIS!



Someone stood up in the audience. It was Dean Hancock's brother Tim.


Tim Hancock: ME I DID!



Randall: Dean Hancock! I thought you were in prison for killing Thester Carbomb?



Tim Hancock: I'm his brother so I'm taking over for him! Better get used to it! (laughs) Besides the resemblance between you and Rodney is uncanny! You're both fat and deserve, (Rodney Dangerfield impression) No respect! (laughs)



Randall (screaming into the microphone): Why I oughta......



Gina: Okay, moving on. We want to see a good clean family friendly Airshow here and nobody better sneak aboard the planes! Get it? Got it? Good!



Bullet (from a distance): BEER! FREE BEER! GET YOUR FREE BEER!



Some men from the audience clamoured down to get some beer. Randall sees it was Bullet giving it away. Randall goes to investigate.



Randall (To Bullet): Hey! What did we just say?



Bullet: This is an event that people go to where they can have free beer.



Randall (screams): That's my Miller Genuine Draft! (collapses into grass) My beautiful beer! My beautiful beer!



Karen comes to see what's is going on.



Bullet: Hey Karen! You're just in time for some beer.



Karen: No thank you! Bullet! You're supposed to be chaperoning! Not giving away free beer.



Randall: Too late now!



Karen: Fine! I'll let this one slide for this time.



The men who ran down to have free beer all went back to their seats.



Bullet: OKay! Back to work for me! (laughs)



Randall: FUCK! My Miller Genuine Draft is all gone! That was my personal beer. (cries)




Scene 5:


Stanley, Bullet, Kevin, Gina, and Randall all took their places chaperoning the Airshow. Karen went back on stage to annouce the first pilot.



Karen: First up, Robbie and Delbert will be flying the Loopin' Louie!



The audience clapped as Robbie and Delbert were in their plane slowly going down the runway. Kevin then hears a whisper-like voice.



Kevin: Who's there!



Voice: Psst! Over here!



Walking over to the voice. Kevin sees here was a man in a Snuffy outfit.



Kevin: Snuffy? From Sesame Street.



The man in the Snuffy outfit was really Dusty in disguise.



Dusty (whispering): No it's me! Dusty!



Kevin: Dusty! I'm glad you showed up.



Dusty: I went to a costume shop so I can get in here.



Kevin: You going to fly one of the planes?



Dusty: All the reason why I'm here, now don't tell anybody! In the meantime, I'm going to be Snuffy so I can give autographs to kids here.



Kevin: Okay, no problem! Your secret is safe with me!



Dusty: Cool! Hey Kids! Meet Snuffy! From Sesame Street!



Some kids came down from the audience to meet Snuffy and cheered.



Dusty: Who wants autographs!



Kids: ME ME ME ME ME!!!!



Robbie: Hope you're all enjoying The Paradise Airshow Today!



Audience: YAY!



Robbie: We are going to blow your fucking minds with our Loopin' Louie!



Audience: YAY!



Delbert: We ain't flying the friendly skies. We're flying the horny skies! That rolls off the tongue better!



Robbie: Believe it or not, we're pilots now! Let's go, Delbert!



Delbert: We named our plane after an early 90's kid's board game!



Robbie and Delbert go inside their Loopin' Louie plane and begin to do Airplane Tricks such as the Hammerhead and the Erect Spin. Then finish their act with an Outside Loop. The Audience was amazed! Their act came to an end when Robbie and Delbert crashed their Loopin' Louie plane into a billboard with Nancy Pelosi on it. Hiding away in the bleachers where the audience sat, Dr. Waterston saw the disaster with the Nancy Pelosi billboard and could not help but get inspired.



Dr. Waterston (to himself): That's it! Exactly how I shall and will eradicate the Paradise PD! Never forgive them for letting Blackie Chan get killed!



Karen (shrieks): OH MY GOSH! HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO MY IDOL!



Randall: Yeah, well Bullet made me lose all my favorite beer! How do you think I feel?



Robbie and Delbert landed the Loopin Louie plane and came out like conquerers. The audience clapped.



Delbert: Thank you! Thank you! You've all been a great audience!



Robbie: We'll be here all day!



Karen (goes back to the stage): Robbie and Delbert, ladies and gentlemen! Let's all give them a big hand. Next up, Cooter Jabowski and his plane that's shaped like a Crayola Crayon?



Cooter flies down the runway with his airplane that has Gina all shocked and dismayed.




Gina: My older brother Cooter an airplane pilot? What even?!



Kevin decides to keep his eye on Dusty who still was in the Snuffy costume giving kids autographs.





Scene 6:



At the Dippin Dot's Building. Gerald Fitzgerald enters the conference room. Only to see that the conference room has turned into a Zen-like Karate Studio.



Fitz: DAMN! What the FUCK happened to my conference room!



Frank Flipperfist: Greetings Sensei. Your training begins today.



Fitz: TRAINING?! What fucking training?!



Brett DeMarco: All right. We can explain. You see, Camaro Bob is an expert at Kenpo Karate. So we are going to train you in that to fight him.



Fitz: This is fucking shit ass retarded! I don't need no God Damned training.



Zeta: Daddy Fitz is right. He's told me so many stories when he worked for the Chicago PD of how he took down criminals.



Puffy The Cigarette: You need to do this if you want to have access To Cliff Lake to be our fun hangout spot.



Russian Mobster: Yes that way you can kick Camaro Bob's ass. One....two...three.....four! FOUR TIMES! HA! HA! HA!



Pedro Pooptooth and Marcos Narcos enter the room.



Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria why does our conference room look so Zen?



Pedro Pooptooth: Good news, Putos! Since we've heard about Cliff Lake, Marcos and I finally know how to swim!



Marcos Narcos: It's true! We've been taking lessons.



Fitz: NO! Get rid of all this mother fucking Zen Karate crap now!



Brett DeMarco: Don't you want to kick Camaro Bob's ass?



Fitz: I do. But I have a better and bigger game in mind. Come outside everyone.



Brett, Russian Mobster, Zeta, Pedro, Marcos, Frank all follow Fitz outside the Dippin Dots Building. Behind there was a parking lot.



Fitz: On Saturday. Which is today. Tonight is when I have to face Camaro Bob. I will fight him myself.



Brett DeMarco: What if you lose?



Fitz: Trust me! I won't! I refuse.



Frank Flipperfist: Where do we come in?



Fitz: While I'm fighting Camaro Bob, you all will break into his car dealership. Then demolish and smash all his cars in his showroom. That way I can keep him distracted.



Pedro Pooptooth: Vandalism hey?



Marcos Narcos: We can do that.



As Fitz about was about to go on, the Legion of DOOOOOM hear the sounds of a Dolphin squeaking. It was Dolphin Queen.



Dolphin Queen (to Fitz): Fitz! Where have you been! I missed you! Don't you remember you married me?




Russian Mobster: Great. It's that stupid Dolphin you married.




Fitz: Hold on, I'll handle this. (Running up to Dolphin Queen) Get the fuck out of my face!




Dolphin Queen: We're married! Please come back and ditch these criminals and give up your evil ways!



Zeta: Stay away from my Daddy you Dolphin bitch! He never loved you!



Fitz: I'm running a meth organization now! And I'm raising a kid! Just for the record, I will never stop being evil!



Brett DeMarco: We can't let this Dolphin interfere with our plan for Camaro Bob.



Fitz: You're right Brett. Does anyone have a belt?



Frank Flipperfist: I do.



Handing Fitz a belt, he uses it to tie Dolphin Queen to a street light in the parking lot.



Dolphin Queen: What're you doing? I thought you loved me!



Fitz: I never did! I only married you to one up Karen in that mayoral race! That's all in the past now!



Brett DeMarco (laughs): Look at that Dolphin bitch squirm.



Fitz: Now, pay attention Legion of DOOOOOM! Camaro Bob is weak! As weak as Dolphin Queen is here!



Frank Flipperfist: Yeah! Camaro Bob is our adversary!



Russian Mobster: He won't take our Cliff Lake from us!



Fitz: Exactly! Just like all our other nemesis in the past. We are stronger than any of them! Allow me to demonstrate!




Running backwards, then charging at Dolphin Queen, Fitz runs up to her as she squeals in protest.




Fitz: YOU....GOTTA.....DESTROY! (headbutts Dolphin Queen)



Dolphin Queen was dead. Fitz had dolphin blood all over his face. The Legion of DOOOOM and Zeta cheered him on.



Fitz (screams into the sky): LEGION OF DOOOOOM FOREVER! EVIL SHALL PREVAIL!



Brett DeMarco (laughs): You got that from the movie Novecento! It was my turn to pick the movie last week!



Headed back inside the Dippin Dot's Building. The Legion of DOOOOM and Zeta all picked up Fitz.



Brett DeMarco, Zeta, Russian Mobster, Marcos Narcos, Frank Flipperfist, and Pedro Pooptooth (all together): FITZ! FITZ! FITZ! FITZ! FITZ! FITZ! LONG LIVE THE KINGPIN!



Scene 7:


Nightfall was upon the town of Paradise. All it's residents were enjoying the Air Show. Before it was Dr. Waterston's turn to use his jet airliner. Hobo Cop was flying a plane that looked like a flying trailer. Having enough of being mobbed by kids for Snuff's autograph, Dusty takes off his costume and sneaks over to where the planes used to be. Dusty worms his way inside the jet airliner that Dr. Waterston was going to use.



Dusty: Perfect timing! Now's the chance to fly a plane! Live my dream of being a pilot!



Hobo Cop was getting done with his flying act. Then lands his flying trailer.



Karen (into a microphone): Hobo Cop ladies and gentlemen! Hobo Cop! Let's all give him a big hand! Him and his flying trailer called The Spirit Of St. Louis!



Hobo Cop: Actually it's called Memphis Belle! (walks off stage)



Karen (into a microphone): All right. Our final act for the day. Here is Matthew Waterston and his remote controlled jet airliner!



The audience gave a round of applause. Randall, Bullet, Gina, Kevin, and Stanley were still in their positions as chaperones.



Randall: I'm so glad Dusty isn't here to fuck everything up.



Kevin: Right Dad! Dusty is nowhere to be seen. heh heh.



Dr. Waterston takes the stage. Getting his remote control ready, he uses the controls to fly the jet airline. Inside, Dusty was in the cockpit studying the controls.



Dusty: Can't believe I fit inside. Now....where is the button to use to fly?



Dr. Waterston used the remote to have the jet airliner glide down the runway.



Dusty: Holy shit! It's moving by itself!



Dr. Waterston presses a button to make the jet airliner fly. However, he is unable to get it off the ground.



Karen: Uhh, is there a problem?



Dr. Waterston: Yes! This button is supposed to make it fly, DAMMIT!



The audience murmured. As Dr. Waterston tries to make his jet airliner fly. Then he uses another button that makes the jet airliner move in fast speeds.



Dusty: YYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!



The audience erupts in panic. Karen orders Randall to find out what it going on.



Karen: Uhhh, it appears we're experiencing technical difficulties! RANDALL!



Randall: What is it, Karen?



Karen: You and that sorry ass excuse of a police force try to find out what the fuck is wrong with Matthew Waterson's plane.



Randall: Come PD! Get your asses in gear.



Bullet sniffs all around the runway until he is dragged away by Stanley.



Stanley: We need you too!



Karen did not know what to do, the audience was taking it's leave. Dr. Waterston is too. Getting into his car, Dr. Waterston decides to follow the Paradise PD as they were in their squad car chasing the runaway jet airliner.



Dr. Waterston: Plan A didn't work out! Now time for Plan B!



Driving his car, chasing after the jet airliner. Dr. Waterston uses a telescope he had in his car and sees Dusty is stuck inside his jet airliner.



Dr. Waterston: Beautiful! One of the PD is stuck inside my plane! No matter! Where ever my jet airliner lands, I shall use it to blow the Paradise PD out of the water!



Dusty: HHHHEEEEELLLLLPPPP! HHHHHEEEEEELLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!! Wonder if Buddy Hackett has had days like this? HHHHHEEEELLLLPPPPP!!! IIIIII'MMMMM SSSSSTTTTTUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK! No way out!!!!!!



In the squad car, Randall shouts over his megaphone.



Randall: Stop! Paradise PD! I demand you slow down NOW!!!



Bullet (takes megaphone): Allow me! (speaks into megaphone) You're going 500 in a speed limit 50 zone!



Kevin (thinking to himself): Oh please let Dusty be okay!



Gina: We might have to wait for it to crash so we can see who the culprit is!



Stanley: This is more fun then when I joined the Mile High Club with D.B. Cooper!



Bullet (to Stanley): Was that really necessary?



Kevin: I hope this ends soon.



Randall: Looking pretty guilty there, Kevin......



Kevin: I had nothing to do with this, I swear!



Randall: Hope not! With you, it's always something! You do have a tendency to lie to me at times.



The chase continues to go on as the jet airliner keeps running down the street. With The Paradise PD squad car and Dr. Waterston in hot prusuit.





Scene 8:



Night had come. Fitz was getting ready for his big fight with Camaro Bob. Fitz sent out a text to Camaro Bob to meet him in an alleyway 3 miles away from the Dippin' Dots Building. Fitz gets his cellphone and calls Brett DeMarco. Who was with the Legion of DOOOOOM and Zeta driving to Camaro Bob's Car Dealership Fitz had a CD player Radio with him.



Fitz: Brett? Are you guys at the car dealership yet?



Brett DeMarco: We're on our way there as we speak.



Fitz: That's cool. I don't want Camaro Bob to find out what we all did to his car showroom until after our big fight.



Brett DeMarco: Wish you all the best with your fight.



Fitz: Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. Bye.



Brett DeMarco: Over and out, bye.



Hanging up the cellphone. Fitz sees Camaro Bob walking towards the alleyway.



Camaro Bob: Well well well. Look who decided to show up!



Fitz: I never back away from a fight.



Camaro Bob: You ready to lose so I can have Cliff Lake to do my All American Orgies?



Fitz: Bring it on! Just one thing though before we begin. You should know that..........I'm crazy.



Camaro Bob (laughs): I'll say you are. A big time meth dealing Kingpin. You'd be a much nicer person if you just smoked and sold weed, baby.



Fitz: What I'm really trying to say is that I'm insane mad crazy! And you should NEVER hit, fight with, or even try to fuck with a crazy person.



Camaro Bob: If you're so insane, prove it! Baby!




Fitz turns on the CD Player Radio. Franz Ferdinand's Take Me Out begins to play. Fitz begins to dance to the song and lip syncs the lyrics.




Camaro Bob (scoffs): What's this supposed to do?




Meanwhile, in the limo, Brett DeMarco, Zeta, Russian Mobster, Pedro Pooptooth, Frank Flipperfist, and Puffy the Cigarette all arrived in Camaro Bob's Showroom.




Brett DeMarco: EVERYONE OUT!



Zeta: You heard Uncle Brett! GO!!!!



As the song plays, Brett, Zeta and everyone else in the Legion of DOOOOOM were smashing, vandalizing, crushing, and slashing tires that were in Camaro Bob's Showroom. Even beating up some bikini clad women who were modeling by the cars. At the back alleyway, Fitz was dancing around Camaro Bob going behind him and pulling his lips. Lip syncing Take Me Out. Fitz then does back handsprings while dancing and pretending to hit himself. Fitz dances in a circle around Camaro Bob and grabs his collar then dances away. Camaro Bob was confused and did not know what to think. Fitz does a leap and slides into a puddle of rainwater. Fitz jumps, lands on a car and uses the car as a trampoline then lands beside some garbage cans. Emerging from the garbage cans, Fitz takes two tops and pretends to hit himself with them. Fitz also breaks a plate on his face. The song is beginning to come to a finish as Fitz danced around the garbage cans and uses his butt to push them away. Fitz uses a garbage can to balance himself and jumps in mid air then the garbage can lands on Camaro Bob!



Fitz: YYYYEEEEAAAAAHHH! In Yo Face! In Yo Face! In Yo Face! MUTHAFUCKA!!!!!



Camaro Bob: Boy you really are crazy. All right. Cliff Lake is all yours. (walks away)



Fitz: YES! (phones Brett DeMarco): Brett! I've won! Don't ask. Just come meet me in the back alleyway.



Brett DeMarco: You won't believe all the damage we did! Meet you there!




Momentarily, Brett DeMarco drives the limo to the back alleyway. Brett gets out.



Brett DeMarco: Did you win.



Fitz: Did I ever! Turns out, I didn't even need to fight. All I had to do was confuse that pot headed son of a bitch!



Zeta (runs and hugs Fitz): Good for you, Daddy Fitz!



Brett DeMarco: Man, I can't wait to see the look on his face once we sees what we did to his showroom.



From a far away expansion Fitz, Zeta, and Brett DeMarco hear Camaro Bob scream.



Camaro Bob: MMMMMYYYY SSSSHHHHHHOOOOOWWWWRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!



Fitz, Zeta, and Brett DeMarco all laugh.



Zeta: So, does this mean we get Cliff Lake.



Fitz: That's exactly what it means!



Brett DeMarco: We can go there for the whole summer!



Fitz: Absolutely!



Zeta: How did you get Camaro Bob with dancing?



Fitz: Just did a few twists and turns here and there. And remember, if a pothead ever picks a fight with you. Dancing is the best way to win!



A black screen with a red, blue, and green rainbow appears. A badge slides by the rainbow in yellow letters it reads, "FITZ BITZ".



Brett DeMarco: Fitz Bitz? Didn't you do those when you worked for the PD?



Fitz: Yeah I did. I'll still do Fitz Bitz's as a Kingpin too to teach my workers valuable lessons.



Brett DeMarco: Awesome! Cliff Lake is ours! Let's go home!



Going inside the limo, Fitz drives back to the Dippin Dots building as Brett DeMarco, and Zeta along with the rest of the Legion of DOOOOOM go home to celebrate their winning of Cliff Lake.




Scene 9:



The chase with the jet airliner continues. Dusty was trying to pummel his fists looking for a way out.



Dusty: ooooooohhhh. What to do! What to do! What to do! What happened! What happened! What happened!



The jet airliner was going in a straight line. It was about to charge into a burning barnhouse.



Dusty: Oh FUCK! A barn house on fire! I'm gonna end up like Johnny Cade from The Outsiders!



Kevin: DAD! It's headed straight for that barn house!




Randall: I can see that!




Bullet: Anyone have a fire extinguisher?




Gina: Thought maybe you would want a fire hydrant. If you catch my drift.




As Dr. Waterston was chasing after the PD Squad car, he sees the jet airliner about to crash into the burning barn house.




Dr. Waterston: Beautiful! Beautiful! Now the Paradise PD can all get burned alive! (cackles)




Scene 10:



Just as the Paradise PD feared. The jet airliner crashes into the burning barn house. Thankfully, Dusty was okay. The jet airliner then stopped so did the big chase. However, when the jet airliner stopped by crashing into the barn house, Dusty got sent flying into the air.



Dusty: Cool! All right! Awesome! I'm flying and I don't even need a plane! (lands on a tree) Shit! My fun came to an end.



Everyone gets out of their cars. Dr. Waterston decides to greet the Paradise PD.



Randall: Look for any dead bodies!



Dr. Waterston: Oh no you don't!



Gina: Who the fuck are you?



Dr. Waterston I am Dr. Matthew Waterston. Airplane engineer. Now that you are all here. Prepare to enjoy your last moments of life, Paradise PD!



Kevin: Last moments of life, what do you mean by that?



Bullet: It means he wants to kill us dumbass!



Dr Waterston (presses a button): Finally! This day has come! I will have my revenge!



When the button was pushed on the remote, the jet airliner explodes.



Randall: Hit the deck!



Gina: Run for cover!



Randall, Gina, Kevin, Stanley, and Bullet all ran away from the barn house which was now exploded into nothingness. The jet airliner had a bomb inside. Dr. Waterston thinks he's killed the Paradise PD.



Dr. Waterston: My god! I did it! I DID IT! I blow up the Paradise PD! At last payback is mine! (cackles)



Bullet: Oh no we're not!



Dr. Waterston (sees the Paradise PD charge at him): What the fuck!



Randall tackled Dr. Waterston and Kevin stood over and watched.



Kevin: We just heard you say you wanted revenge on us?



Bullet: What the hell did we ever do to you?



Gina: None of us even fucking know you.



Randall: Did you plan to blow up The Air Show?



Dr. Waterston: Yes I did.



Kevin: But....but....why?



Stanley: I got a confession once out of Ted Bundy.



Dr. Waterston: You guys killed my friend.



Randall: Friend?! What friend asshole?



Gina: How did we kill your 'friend'?



Dr. Waterston: I'll explain everything. Does the name Blackie Chan ring a bell?



Kevin: Blackie Chan? Didn't think anybody remembered him.



Dr. Waterston: Well I sure do. Blackie Chan was my friend. My very best friend. He was about to come to Airplane Engineer school with me. Then he changed his mind at the last minute and decided to work for you mother fuckers!



Randall: Look, we had nothing to do with Blackie Chan's death!



Gina: Here's the true story of how he died.



Stanley: Let me tell it. Blackie Chan died trying to foil a bank robbery. Then those robbers shot him to death. We went inside without any guns.



Dr. Waterston: Then why didn't you give him any weapons then? See why I hold you all responsible for his death?



Randall: His weapons were getting reloaded.



Kevin: We had faith in him that he would foil the bank robbery.



Gina: Blackie Chan's death was not our fault.



Bullet: Now that you know the reality, bet you feel really stupid now trying to blow us up!



Dr. Waterston: Yes, I think you're all right. I invented that jet airliner. My original plan was to crash it into your police station. Then when I heard you guys were going to chaperone an Air Show, I planned to have it land on you all and kill you. After that, I saw you guys chase the jet airliner and was hoping you all would explode with it when I activated the remote control. Now that I've learned my lesson that revenge and crime doesn't pay. Can you let me off?



Randall: No way, buddy. You committed attemptive murder on people officers! Gina!



Gina: Should I finish this asshole off?




Randall: Wait until you see what Gina is capable of! Then you'll know why she's my best cop on the force!



Gina: I hate mad scientists! (stands over Dr. Waterston) You like experiments hey? Want to see my latest invention?



Dr. Waterston then remembered Dusty was stuck in the jet airliner.



Gina: This one will give me a Nobel Prize!



Dr. Waterston: Before you arrest me I think you should know....



Gina: Too late!



Dr Waterston was being pummelled and brutalized by Gina in a graphic and violent sense.



Kevin: Should we take him to jail.



Randall: Nah, let Gina kill this son of a bitch.



Stanley: Always loved the death penalty!



Bullet: Today's lesson. NEVER fuck with the Paradise PD! Because you just might get your ass headed to you by Gina!



Randall, Bullet, and Stanley were watching Gina beat the daylights out of Dr. Waterston. Kevin wanders off to look for Dusty. Until Kevin spots him in a tree.



Kevin: Dusty! There you are!




Dusty: Kevin! Thank god! Did Randall find out about me trying to fly that plane?



Kevin: Nope, he didn't suspect a thing. You got away with it.



Dusty: That's a relief. Mind getting me down?



Kevin: What are friends for?



Dusty was being coached by Kevin to get down from the tree. Dusty was finally down from the tree.



Kevin: You better go home before my Dad sees you.



Dusty: OKay, bye. Hope you had fun at the Air Show.



Kevin: That we did.


Dusty: Thanks for vouching for me, Kevin.



Kevin: Like Britney Murphy in Don't Say A Word, I'll Never Tell!



Dusty and Kevin have a laugh as Dusty goes home. Feeling relieved that he had gotten off scott free for trying to fly the jet airliner. Dusty decides he'll go to the Air Show next year. Gina was done beating Dr. Waterston to death.




Scene 11 Conclusion:




The weekend was over. The Paradise Airshow was done for another year. It was now Monday. Kevin and Gina were both driving to the Paradise PD Police Department.



Gina: Did you see the way I killed that bastard mad scientist?



Kevin: Yeah, that was really cool. Wished we could've arrested him.



Gina: Randall wanted him dead. Was more than happy to rip his head off.



Kevin: Here we are. Another day of work.



Gina: What crazy criminals will we run into next?



Kevin: Guess we'll find out.


Gina walks into the Paradise PD Police Department. Kevin was about to go in to report for duty. Then he was stopped by Dusty.



Dusty: Kevin. Good you're here.



Kevin: Oh hey, Dusty.



Dusty: I want to show you something.



Kevin: Uhhh, Dad might get mad at me if I don't show up for work.



Dusty: It'll be quick, I promise.



Kevin (rolls eyes): Fine.



Dusty leads Kevin to the garage of the Police Department. Inside reveals a hydroplane/



Kevin: A hydroplane?



Dusty: Yes it is!



Kevin: What do you plan to do with it?



Dusty: I found it at a junkyard last night. So I thought maybe I'll keep it here until next year.



Kevin: What for?



Dusty: So I can fly it at the Air Show. Wanted to show you this for keeping my secret about stowing away in that airplane.



Kevin: But, you've been banned for life at the Air Show. How will you pull it off?



Dusty: Let's just say...I have my ways.



Kevin walks away and reports for work. Dusty looks at the hydroplane admiringly.



Dusty: Next year. I will fly you at the Air Show Hydroplane! Nobody will ever know it's me. I will achieve my dream to fly!




THE END