Categories > Cartoons > Paradise PD

Towel Rolls For Tomatoes

by narwhalpuppy 0 reviews

After covid cases go down in Paradise, a new pandemic arrives. Involving a towel roll shortage and monster tomatoes.

Category: Paradise PD - Rating: R - Genres: Humor,Parody - Warnings: [V] [X] - Published: 2021-10-14 - Updated: 2021-10-14 - 9014 words - Complete

A/N: Been a super while since I wrote a Paradise PD fanfiction. As I always say. If it appears not to make any sense or seems a little out of sorthat's Only because I haven't written for this fandom in a long time. A Special shout out goes to TimeLordMaster108 for thinking of this idea for a fanfiction.

Paradise PD Presents

A Narwhal Puppy Production

Towel Rolls for Tomatoes

Monday morning was upon the small Georgia Town of Paradise. Instead of reporting for work like he usually does. Police Chief Randall Crawford was at a grocery store. Randall wasn't very happy about it. Karen sent him to the grocery store to run an errand. To get 20 rolls of Paper Towels. Which Randall thought was ridiculous and pointless. However, since the covid pandemic hit Paradise, Karen always advised her family and the townspeople to stock up on necessities. The covid cases have drastically gone down in the past year in Paradise. Karen thinks it will rise again. Randall was now running around the aisles muttering in a sotto voice.

"Fucking stupid paper towels! Can't Karen get these herself!" Randall grumbled. Much to his show, Randall sees Bullet at the liquor section. "Hmmm, which one of these can I buy for the road?" Bullet asked himself deviously. Randall bumps into Bullet.

"Goddammit Bullet! It's Monday morning and still can't stay away from your vices!" Randall yelled at the German Shephard.

"Doesn't matter what day of the week it is! Any day is a good day to get drunk if you ask me!" Bullet tells Randall.

"Can't you be serious for once in your fucking life?" Randall asks. "I've tried being serious before. It sucked!" Bullet spat back. "Well, some of us don't live by the It's 2 O'Clock Somewhere Party mentality!" Randall says. "Why are you here instead of at work?" asked Bullet. "I can ask you the same. If you must know, Karen wants me to get paper towels. Something we could so easily do herself!" Randall said. "Does she think this covid shit will strike up again?" asks Bullet. "Not that it's any of your business, but yes. Now I gotta go! See you at work." Randall departs. Bullet gets some wine. "This will be good for a change." Bullet says to himself.

Trying to find the aisle that sells paper towels, Randall continues to ramble to himself. "No fucking way I'm falling for that mask mandate bull shit!" Randall said as he walked by some people who looked at him like he was insane. Some people in the grocery store were wearing masks. Some people even had a "I AM COVID 19 VACCINATED" buttons as well. "Why did I get back together with Karen for? I know! It was that stupid Kevin's fault! It was his fault we got divorced and he's responsible for us getting back together when we're so miserable!" Randall shouted.

Finally reaching the aisle that sells the paper towels. Randall sees that the Paper Towels are all sold out. "GODDAMMIT! WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE PAPER TOWELS!" Randall screamed. Lady Gertrude sees him in the aisle and tells him, "Oh, didn't you hear. Your wife passed a law that people have to use paper towels now instead of material towels. Or what's what at least I heard." Lady Gertrude walks away from Randall.

"I don't believe that for a minute! Looks like this is going to be another police investigation for the Paradise PD! Case of The Missing Towel Rolls!" Randall said.

At the backwater part of town. Where Robbie and Delbert lived. It was Robbie's birthday again. Delbert looked at his 'brother' with concern. "What's eating you up inside Robbie?" asked Delbert.

"What the hell is taking Daddy so long! He should have been back by now!" Robbie said. "Well he said he went out to buy you that present you wanted." Delbert said. "I KNOW! Whenever I ask for something I always want it now! The minute I ask for it!" Robbie began to whine.

"Maybe he got caught in traffic. Ever seen the movie Great American Traffic Jam?" Delbert noted. Robbie states, "He ought to know by now! Every year. Like I always say, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! I GET WHAT I WANT!" Robbie jumps up and down having a toddler style tantrum. Delbert then hears a car pull up in their driveway. "Listen to that Robbie. He's home right now!" Delbert said. Wendell walks out of the car with a huge bag. Entering his house. Robbie's eyes were wide with excitement. "Didja get what I wanted, Daddy? Didja! Didja! Didja!" Robbie jumps up and down again.

"Sure did, my son." Wendell says. Unpacking the bags, inside were all the Paper Towels that were in the grocery store from before. "ALL RIGHT! AWESOME! BEST BIRTHDAY EVER! Now who wants cake!" Robbie said.

Wendell even gets out a cake. The same one Robbie asked for every year. Pink and vagina shaped. "Here you go son!" Wendell said. "YAY! MY FAVORITE! Something I'll never outgrow!" Robbie said.

"You know Robbie you ever did tell us what these Paper Towels were for." Delbert said. "Yeah, Delbert's right. Why did you want these anyway?" Wendell asks.

"Come on outside and I'll show ya!" Robbie said. Wendell and Delbert follow Robbie to their backyard. Donna Hick, Robbie's mother was outside grilling Robbie's birthday dinner.

"Hey, son! I'm making you your favorite! Barbeque possum and squirrel!" Donna announces. "Thanks, Maw, you're the best!" Robbie said. "It should be ready soon." Donna called out. Robbie takes Delbert and Wendell to show him what and why he wanted the paper towels for.

Wendell and Delbert watch as Robbie takes down a sheet. "TA DA!" Robbie said. Under the sheet there was a huge monster-like man eating tomato plant!

"That's what it is!" Wendell said. "It's an experiment I've been working on!" Robbie said. "I had a hand in it too!" Delbert confessed. "It's like a real life Little Shop of Horrors!" Robbie said.

"And does it need paper towels to grow?" asked Wendell. "Fuck the paper towels I just wanted the rolls that came with them!" Robbie said. "Let me guess you feed your monster tomato plant towel rolls, right?" Wendell guesses. "Exactly, Daddy! With this tomato plant, I plan to have it reproduce more tomatoes. Then the more tomatoes it gives birth to, the tomatoes will turn evil and do our bidding!" Robbie said.

"Robbie would make a cool dictator!" Delbert said. "Who are you going to target with these tomatoes son?" asked Wendell. "The Paradise PD of course! But more importantly! That stupid kingpin and his lackey goon!" Robbie said.

"Why do want to do evil with these tomatoes son?" asked Wendell? "So we can get back at the Paradise PD for ruining all our fun!" Delbert said. "That's right. And then with The Kingpin and his gay lover out of the way as well. Me and Delbert will become the new Kingpins!" Robbie said.

"Robbie and I plan to take over the meth empire!" Delbert said. Wendell felt really sorry to see his sons want to commit such acts of wrongful immorality. "Oh, sons. I can't say I approve but..." Wendell was about to begin until Robbie screams, "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! I DO WHAT I WANT!"

Donna calls out, "Dinner's ready! Come and get it!" While ringing a triangle bell. Wendell, Robbie, and Delbert all rush to the picnic table for Robbie's birthday dinner. The Monster Tomato Plant begins to eat the paper towel rolls. Then The Monster Tomato Plant gives off a straining sound like it was passing a bowel movement. Instead, out came three baby tomatoes that automatically became adults as they walk out of the Hick family's backyard.


Later on, Randall finds himself the only one at Paradise PD Police Headquarters. His cellphone rings, Randall answers it and Karen was on the other end. "Hey, Randall sweetie, did you get those paper towels?" she asked him. "No, for some reason they sold out." Randall answers Karen back. "What the hell! We need those paper towels in case a new surge of covid comes." Karen panics. "I am well aware of that." said Randall. "Well, get your ass over to that police station and get your crew to find out what happened to those paper towels!" Karen demands. "Fine, I will. It's just as important to me as it is to you." Randall promised.

"I hope you mean that. Now they're coming out and saying if you use material towels you can get covid in an instant! Even if you're vaccinated!" said Karen. "Fine! My cops and I will get right on it! Bye!" Randall says hanging up his cellphone.

"Fuck! Karen would believe anything about this covid shit! Just to make people scared. Including me!" Randall bemoaned to himself. Bullet reported to the Paradise PD Headquarters and he had a bottle of whiskey and wine in both his paws. "So, are we going to have a fun day busting punks and criminals? I am so ready if we are!" asked Bullet.

"No, Karen wants me to investigate who's been stealing the paper towels from grocery store." Randall informs Bullet. "Where is everyone else?" Bullet wonders. "I'll call them. Kevin first." Randall says dialing his cellphone to reach his son.

"Kevin!" Randall shouted over his cellphone. Kevin answers, "Hey, Dad. What do you want?" "Karen wants us to investigate who's been stealing paper towels. She's scared out of her shit that there's going to be another attack of covid." Randall said. "Oh, you mean that law Mom passed for people to use paper towels instead of bathroom towels?" asked Kevin. "Oh, so that law she passed is true. Will you come down to headquarters?" Randall said.

Over the cellphone Kevin says, "Uhhhh, well.....let me get back to you on that one, Dad." Kevin said as he hangs up his cellphone on Randall. Kevin was looking over his surroundings. Kevin was on a fishing boat in the middle of the lake. "This is the life! Better enjoy it while the covid surge is down." said Kevin.

"Any luck?" asked Bullet. "Fuck no! Kevin has always been useless. Say, I know! I'll try Gina!" said Randall. Dialing his cellphone to reach Gina. Her cellphone rings and Gina answers, "Hello!" "Gina, it's me, Randall. Karen wants us to find out who stole some paper towels." Randall tells Gina. "I would help, but I'm sick in bed." Gina says as she fakes a cough over the phone. Gina was really at the Paradise Shopping Mall. "Fuck you, anyway bitch!" Randall screams hanging up the cellphone.

"No Kevin No Gina! Now what do we do?" Randall asked with desperation. "Uhh, try Dusty." suggested Bullet. "Well, all right. I always use Dusty as a last resort anyway." Randall agreed.

Dialing is cellphone once more, Randall calls Dusty. When Dusty answers he says, "Oh hey Randall!" "How do you know it's me?" wondered Randall. "Duh, your name is on my caller ID!" Dusty said. "Look Dusty. Will you please report to work. Karen is going batshit insane about stolen paper towels that she thinks our town can use all because she believes there's going to be another variant of covid coming to our town." Randall says.

Dusty who was in his bedroom watching his iPAD tells Randall, "Okay I'll be right down. As soon as I get done watching this double feature." "Double feature?! Oh no! Not you too! What are you watching that's so important?" Randall asks. "Oh some Adam Sandler movies. That's My Boy is almost over. Then after that, I'm watching Grown Ups! When I'm finished with Sandler I'll try Chris Farley next." Dusty tells Randall who hangs up his cellphone.

Randall hangs up his phone and screams, "AAAAHHH! I can never get any help around here! How am I supposed to keep Karen calm now?"

"Want to hear a joke I came up with? Here goes," said Bullet. Holding a bottle of Brandy in one hand Bullet sings, "Brandy! You're a Fine Drink!" Then Bullet continues to sing as he shows Randall the bottle of wine in his other paw, "What a Fine Wine You Would Be! Get it?" laughs Bullet.

"That wasn't funny at all! All you ever think about his drugs, alcohol, and having fun! Now I don't have anyone to help me on this paper towel case!" Randall yelled. Stanley comes up from behind Randall, "Don't worry, Randall. You always have me!"

"Fine! Here's how it is going to go down. Since you two are my only recruits today. I need you both to go to any grocery store and find out who's been stealing those fucking paper towels. Not only that, I want you both to search everywhere. I want you both to search any gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, and doghouse in our area! SO GET TO IT!" Randall demanded.

"OKay we will." said Stanley. "Did you have to use that speech from The Fugitive on us?" asked Bullet.

"JUST GO!" Randall yells at both Stanley and Bullet.

Bullet and Stanley went on their way. Meanwhile, the grown tomatoes that have came from Robbie's Monster Tomato Plant were running around town busting into any store imaginable. The tomatoes were eating all the paper rolls from the paper towels and even paper rolls from toilet paper. Robbie and Delbert were back in their house watching the tomatoes from their computer.

"Will you take a look at this, Delbert!" Robbie said. "That's amazing, Robbie! Planting that Monster Tomato Plant was well worth it!" Delbert agrees. "Cool! Now lets bring them back here so we can give them more orders!" said Robbie.

The people of Paradise who did get some paper towels, all fell apart on them because there were no towel rolls to hold all the paper towels. Delbert uses a whistle to summon back the tomatoes.

The tomatoes came back to Robbie's house awaiting more orders. "Hey, little tomato friends!" said Delbert. "Hello!" responded the tomatoes. "You can guys can talk?" asked Robbie. "Duh, you made us so yes!" the tomatoes snarked. Robbie walks over to the tomatoes and tells them, "Now listen up. Your next assignment is to join the Legion of DOOOOOM."

"Why would we want to do that?" asked the tomatoes. "BECAUSE I'M YOUR MASTER! YOU DO AS I SAY!" Robbie shouted. The tomatoes look scared. "You will listen to everything he and I tell you to do." Delbert joins. "That's right, tomatoes. You will obey us because we're your friends." Robbie concluded.

"Okay," said the tomatoes. "Anyway, we got more towel rolls."

The tomatoes gave some towel rolls to Robbie and Delbert. "Why thank you. This pleases your masters!" said Robbie to the tomatoes. "Indeed, now we can give this rolls to your mama!" Delbert said.

Robbie and Delbert took the towel rolls and walked into the backyard with the tomatoes. "Eat! Eat! Eat!" Delbert shouted at the Monster Tomato plant who chopped and eaten all the towel rolls. Then the Monster Tomato Plant produced more tomatoes by the minute.

"Tomatoes listen up! We want you to join the Legion of DOOOOM and gain their trust." Robbie said.

"We will!" the tomatoes said.

"Yeah, as soon as you do we want you get Fitz and Thester! Repeat! Get Fitz and Thester!" Delbert joined.

"We will!" the tomatoes said.

"When you overpower Fitz and Thester, I want you all to bring them to me!" Robbie said.

"We will!" the tomatoes said.

"Good, now get your asses out there NOW!" Robbie yells into the sky. The tomatoes departed to join the Legion of DOOOOM.

"Looks like our plans are going to work perfectly Delbert!" said Robbie.

"Nothing will stand in the way of our tomato army now!" said Delbert.

"Yeah, and when we take out Fitz and Thester, we will be the new Kingpin and lackey!' Robbie said. "If we get Fitz and Thester. What will we do with them?" asked Delbert. "Why we'll feed them to our Monster Tomato Plant or course." answers Robbie.

"Exactly. Then when we do that do we get the Paradise PD?" asked Delbert.

"You're really smart there, Delbert. When we're the Kingpin and running the meth empire. With the tomatoes on our side, the Paradise PD will be eliminated forever!" Robbie said as he and Delbert cackled like evil villains.


In the grocery store when Bullet and Stanley were investigating. They both see some tomatoes eating the towel rolls to hold in place the paper towels.
"Ha! So that's who's been stealing those towel rolls." Bullet said. "Tomatoes! This reminds me of when I had a steamy love affair with Berkshire Hathaway! Anyhoo, We must report this to Randall at once!" Stanley said.

At the Dippin' Dots Building. Fitz was playing 8 Ball Corner Pocket. A game of pool with Brett DeMarco. Thester was watching standing by a stripper pole.

Brett decides to make conversation with Fitz. "So, what was Idaho like?"

"Just like it is here. We grew a lot of marijuana!" Fitz answered.

"You've been back for a week," Brett implies. "When do you want to start distributing your marijuana meth?"

"Today would be a good day. I took a week off so I can get my bearings." Fitz said as he uses a pool stick to hit a ball.

Brett looks at Thester with confusion. "Why is Thester standing at that stripper pole?"

"Whenever I score a ball in a pocket, Thester will strip an article of clothing for me." Fitz explains.

"That's right," Thester said. "It'll be like playing Strip Poker. But in this case, it's Strip Pool!" Thester said with a laugh.

Fitz shot a pool ball into the corner pocket. "Okay Thester! Take off your clothes!" Fitz tells his lover.

"All right, then!" Thester said taking off his overcoat and turtleneck. "Oh, Thester! You're making me so horny!" Fitz drooled. "If you win, you get me for a prize!" Thester said seductively.

Fitz was impressed when Thester even did some stripper pole moves. Brett scored a corner pocket in pool. "Got some competition!" Brett warns Fitz. "Don't get so confident! I came back and took charge of the Legion of DOOOOOM again. So you've been demoted to Third In Command!" Fitz spits back at Brett.

"Yeah, I know! I even have to take orders from Thester too!" Brett said, who missed being in charge of the Legion of DOOOOOM in Fitz's and Thester's absence.

"Besides, you sucked as the new leader while I was away and......YES! SCORE! MOTHER FUCKER! Thester! Take it off! Take it all off!" Fitz cheers as he beat Brett in pool.

"Off comes by pants and underwear!' Thester snickered taking off his pants and underwear. Thester throws his underwear at Fitz.

Brett rolls his eyes, "Gosh this is getting so fucking weird! It's like Cinderella Liberty only with gays." Fitz ignores Brett's snarky remark as sniffs the crotch part of Thester's underwear. "Oooooh baby! Such rich aroma!" Fitz purrs in satisfaction! "Come and get me, baby!" Thester dares his Kingpin boyfriend.

The other members of the Legion of DOOOOOM came in, Frank Flipperfist, Pedro Pooptooth, Russian Mobster, and Marcos Narcos. Thester puts his clothes back on and Fitz drops Thester's underwear and gives them back to him.

"Gentlemen, come in. Uhh, you didn't see anything did you?" asked Fitz. "I sure did." Brett said rolling his eyes. "We found a couple of recruits." Frank announced. "They're willing to work for us." Marcos Narcos said. "Yes but there's one problem, puto!" Pedro said.

"Tell me." Fitz demands. "They're tomatoes." Frank said. "Tomatoes? For real? How many?" asks Fitz. "There's a lot of them. I saw, tomatoes! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!" cackled The Russian Mobster.

"OKay I'll accept it. Bring in the tomatoes." Fitz said. The tomatoes walked into the Rec Room at the Dippin' Dots Building. When Fitz saw them, he was shocked as was Thester.

"Damn, you weren't lying there!" Fitz says. "Are they tomatoes from outer space?" pondered Thester. "Nope, these tomatoes want to join us for some reason." Pedro said.

"Okay, uhhhh, tomatoes. Why do you want to join the Legion of DOOOOOM?" asked Fitz. The tomatoes tell Fitz, "We heard you were a big time drug dealing Kingpin." "Indeed I am. Are you tomatoes going to help me distribute my newly made marijuana meth. Is that why you're here?" asked Fitz.

"Yes! You bet your ass we are!" the tomatoes said. "Will you accept Fitz as your leader and do everything he tells you?" Thester said to the tomatoes.

"That's why we're here!" said the tomatoes. "Welcome aboard! Glad to have some Killer Tomatoes on our team!" Fitz said. Fitz has no idea the tomatoes were really working for Robbie and Delbert.

"Before we begin just one warning." Thester tells the tomatoes. "If you defy me in any way, you'll all be grinded into ketchup! Understood?" Fitz warns the tomatoes.

"You have our word! We will be very loyal to you, Fitz!" said the tomatoes.

"Excellent. With these tomatoes on our side. Now we can really have fun destroying the Paradise PD!" Fitz laughs in an evil sense.

It was now Tuesday in Paradise. Kevin, Gina, and Dusty all reported to the Fairgrounds for a speech made by Karen. Randall, Stanley, and Bullet were there too. The townspeople were upset about the paper towel shortage.

Going to the podium, Karen tells the townspeople, "People! People! The police department are doing everything they can to......" Karen then sees nobody was social distancing. "OH NO! Please people! Stand six feet away from each other then we'll do our speech about the paper towels and....."
Robbie and Delbert just got done feeding their Monster Tomato Plant more paper towel rolls. Then they were left with the mess of the paper towels. "Holy shit. Isn't this wasteful or what?" Robbie said. "What should we do with these paper towels, Robbie? There's so much of them." Delbert said.

"You're right. Didn't think that one though, did we? Say I know!" Robbie gets an idea. "I can always tell when you get an idea, Robbie." Delbert tells his 'brother'.

"Get that big huge fan. We'll blow all the paper towels away!" Robbie said. Delbert ran to the garage to get the huge fan. When he did, Delbert turned it on. The fan blew away all the paper towels that flew into the sky. "Paper Towels Rolls are great for our plant! But not paper towels!" Robbie said. "Brilliant concept! You think of everything, Robbie!" Delbert complements Robbie.

Back at the Fairgrounds, the paper towels were landing at the crowd. "Oh my gosh! This must be some kind of miracle!" Karen said. Randall says, "It's like raining paper towels!" "Grab as many as you can, people! We'll never know if there's going to be another variant of covid!" Karen orders the crowd.

Kevin observes, "This is like that scene in the 1989 Batman movie where the Joker was throwing around money." "That solves the paper towel mystery." Dusty said. "When one thing is solved, another one comes." implied Gina.

Randall tells Bullet, "When you and Stanley were looking around the grocery stores, did you see who was stealing the paper towels?" "Yes we did!" Bullet said.

"You won't believe this, chief. But it was tomatoes!" Stanley said. "Tomatoes? What the fuck..." Randall said. Karen proceeds to make her speech, "People, looks like there's another pandemic amoung us. Something about tomatoes who stole the paper towels." Karen said. The crowd looked at Randall, Bullet, and Karen like they were insane.

"It's true! It's true! Tomatoes are our criminals here!" Bullet shouts into the microphone. Gina then hears the sounds of footsteps marching in unison.

"Shh! Quiet you assholes listen!" Gina shouted.

Standing before everyone there were the Tomatoes. "You veggie twat waffles! What do you all want!" Gina screams at the tomatoes.

"We work for a Kingpin!" announced the tomatoes. "The one called Gerald Fitzgerald!"

"Impossible! The Gerald Fitzgerald is dead!" Kevin said. "Hmm, them tomatoes are looking might tasty!" Dusty observed.

"No Gerald Fitzgerald is very much alive! And we told us to tell you all THAT YOU WILL BE MURDERED! WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE!" the tomatoes scream as they took out what looked like missile launchers at the crowd. Karen shouts, "STAY CALM! STAY CALM!"

The tomatoes make every run including the Paradise PD when they all shoot the missile launchers at the townspeople. Instead of missiles. It was rocks full of marijuana meth.

"TASTE THE DELICIOUSNESS OF THIS NEW METH, ASSHOLES!" cackled the tomatoes. "IT IS CALLED MARIJUANA METH!" Some people got hit with the meth then became really high and apathetic. "TAKE THIS! AND THAT! AND ONE OF THESE!"

"Come on! We need to come up with a plan!" Kevin said. "I was going to say that. All right, PD! Report back to Headquarters at once!" Randall barked at his police recruits. During the shootout, Dusty picks up one of the blocks of marijuana meth. "Better report this to the lab like in NCIS!" Dusty said.


After escaping the chaos, The Paradise PD were back in headquarters. Now the tomatoes were invading the town shooting random people with missile launchers full off marijuana meth. Some people who were shot with the new meth got so addicted they wanted more and willing to pay for it. So the tomatoes are even selling the marijuana meth to anyone who was addicted. Hobo Cop was one of their best customers.

"WOW! This is the best meth ever! I want more....MORE MORE!!!!" Hobo Cop shouted running amok. In Headquarters, Randall was asking his crew questions. "DAMMIT! We all thought Fitz was dead when we sent Operation DD back to him! How was it he survived!" Randall demanded to know.

"Probably he faked his death and waited for the right time to come back." Bullet said. "For once the drug addicted is actually making sense! But what were those rocks that the tomatoes were shooting at the civilians?" Randall asks. Dusty runs in, "I just came back from the lab and had it anaylzed. Sorry I took too long, I was eating one of the tomatoes!"

Randall swipes the report out of Dusty's hand, "Good thinking on your part, Dusty! HOLY FUCK! MARIJUANA METH!" "Looks like the Kingpin strikes again. Just like when I raped D.B. Cooper in an airplane!" Stanley said. "That son of a bitch Fitz! Wish we never hired that twat waffle!" Gina protested.

Kevin was concerned, "You know maybe a good way to stop Fitz is to get through to him. I just know there's a good Fitz in there somewhere! I got it! We can use that brain device from that doctor we met in Brickleberry and....."

"God dammit Kevin! Get through to Fitz to convince him to be or see if he's good! What type of fairy tale fantasy land do you live in!" Randall shouted at his son, "Got that right, Randall, Kevin is almost as bad as his mother!" Gina jokes.

"It was just a suggestion, God! I always think evil people deep down are good at heart." Kevin said. "Hey, Kevin, ever seen that spaghetti western movie My Name Is Nobody? Henry Fonda in that movie said, 'There Never Was Any Good Old Days'. What we trying to say to you is Kevin is, 'There NEVER WAS ANY GOOD OLD FITZ!" Gina hollered at Kevin.

"Henry Fonda! Oh boy, you would not believe how good he was in bed...." Stanley tries to add. "Gina's right. There is no way Fitz can be reformed! In the meantime we need to kill those tomatoes!" Bullet said.

"Never thought I'd say this but, Bullet you're actually making more sense than Kevin!" Randall said. "Here's a plan. Let's kill as many tomatoes as possible...then some keep some alive so we can interrogate them than I can eat them afterwards." Dusty suggests.

"Love that plan, Dusty! We shall kill those tomatoes and keep some alive so we can get them to tell us where Fitz is!" Randall said. "So, we gonna bust some veggies, Randall!" Gina said getting his nightstick ready. "Exactly! Off we go!" Randall said. The Paradise PD ran out of Police Headquarters to kill some tomatoes. Gina was smashing some one by one as Dusty was eating them. "Ooooh sexy! Now remember we need to keep some alive." Gina said. "Okay we will! Keep 'em coming for now!" Dusty said.

Randall punched out some tomatoes, Kevin shot at some, Gina kicked some tomatoes with one blow. Stanley hit some with his cane, Bullet scratched and bit some tomatoes. Robbie and Delbert were feeding their Monster Tomato Plant even more towel rolls to produce more tomatoes.

"Uhh, fuck! The Paradise PD is ruining our fun, Delbert!!" Robbie said looking at the computer screen. "Don't despair Robbie. Our plant is pumping out more and more." Delbert said. "Yeah, I guess you're right." Robbie. said.

At the Dippin' Dots Building, Fitz and his Legion of DOOOOOM were watching the chaos with the tomatoes unfold via a viewscreen. "Damn, am I glad we hired those tomatoes to do our dirty work!" Fitz sat proudly.

"I know, right. If only we knew where they came from." said Brett. "Who cares! Just as long as they make the PD and the people of Paradise miserable, that's all I want to know." Fitz said.

"Way better than Operation DD!" Brett said with a sly smile on his face.

"What's even more is some of the tomatoes are even selling our marijuana meth to addicted people!" Thester added. Frank Flipperfist, Marcos Narcos, and Pedro Pooptooth all came in with wheelbarrows full of money.

"We're raking in the big bucks with this marijuana meth!" Frank announces. "This calls for a celebration! Thester! Report to my bedroom! I want you ready for some hot sweet love!' Fitz tells his lackey boyfriend. "All right then!" Thester said running upstairs to Fitz's bedroom. Fitz runs to join them.

The viewscreen then shows the Paradise PD beating up the tomatoes. "Oh shit! The PD is killing our produced henchmen!" Brett said. "Should we tell Fitz?" asked Frank. "Nah, they'll never find out it was us." Pedro assures. "Maybe you could be right. These tomatoes seem to be dumb as bricks, anyway." Brett speaks. Randall is holding one of the tomatoes and screams, "PARADISE PD! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST! WHO YOU ARE WORKING FOR!" The tomato replied, "Uhhh, I forgot!" "FUCK YOU!" Randall screams smashing the tomato into smithereens. Gina does the same, "Where did you get this new meth?" The tomato replied, "Duuuhhhh, how am I supposed to know...." Gina jumps on the tomato then Dusty eats the remains.

"That's a relief." Marcos Narcos said.

Back at the Hick house, Robbie and Delbert summoned back the tomatoes who were working for Fitz. "We did what you told us to do." said the tomatoes. "We got them to trust us. Now what?" asked the tomatoes. "Tomorrow at the crack of dawn, we want you to get us Fitz and Thester!" Robbie said. "That's right, and while you're at it, put up these flyers all over town!" Delbert orders the tomatoes when he hands them a stack of flyers. "We got them to trust us, Robbie and Delbert sirs!" "Excellent. This was all part of an even bigger plan!" Robbie says wringing his hands with a thunderclap heard in the background. "In no time flat, we'll be new The Kingpins and that's that!!" Delbert joins in.

Wednesday came. Fitz and his Legion of DOOOOOM were sleeping until the sun rose. Fitz and Thester got out of their pajamas and went into the shower together. "As usual, we're always the first ones out of bed." Fitz tells Thester. "Should we wake the other Legion of DOOOOM members?" asks Thester. "Nahhh, let them sleep!" Fitz said as he showered with Thester. They both played around in the shower by blowing soap suds at each other and laughing. Then Fitz and Thester had shower sex until they both climaxed.

Bullet, Gina, Kevin, and Dusty were out of patrol then they all spotted the flyers. "What in the world could this be?" asked Kevin. "Hmmm, an event of course." Dusty said. "Wrestling. But there's no announcement as to who the wrestlers are." Gina spoke.

"I know, maybe it's a surprise visit from famous wrestlers! Boy I can just see it, John Cena and Stone Cold Steve Austin might be coming to town." Bullet said with glee. "Yeah, sure. Who knows, maybe Mickey Rourke will show up!" Gina said rolling her eyes.

"What were you smoking when you came up with that, Bullet?" Dusty said. Gina laughs at Dusty's snarky remark. "Well, excuuuuusssssse me!" Bullet spits out. "Let's go show these flyers to Dad." Kevin said with uncertainty.


Randall walks out of Headquarters. "Come on PD! We're attending this match!" "Awesome! This could be our chance to kill some more tomatoes!" Gina said.

Walking outside the Dippin' Dots Building. Fitz and Thester were about to go inside their limo. Then once they went inside. Fitz and Thester found themselves surrounded by tomatoes.

"What's our next mission?" asked the tomatoes. "Get more people addicted and sell more." said Fitz. "Yes, obviously!" Thester adds on.

Then the tomatoes began to close in on Fitz and Thester. "Uhhh, what's this all about?" asks Fitz. "Why are you all making those mean looks! Shit! They're charging at us!" Thester quivered.

The tomatoes then knocked out Fitz and Thester with metal pipes. The tomatoes drove the limo to the Hick Residence and deliver Fitz and Thester to Robbie and Delbert.


As Fitz and Thester lie dormant. Everyone in Paradise was awaiting the big Wrestling Event wondering who was going to show up. The Wresting Event was taking place in Robbie's backyard. Robbie and Delbert throw water in Fitz's and Thester's faces that wake them up automatically.

"What the hell!" Fitz shouts. "Last time we checked we were being hounded by tomatoes. The same ones we hired!" Thester said.

"That's because those tomatoes really belong to us!" Robbie said getting in Fitz's face. "We got the Monster Tomato Plant to prove it!" Delbert tells them pointing to the Monster Tomato Plant he and Robbie planted.

"What do you want with us?" Fitz asked in a frightening tone. "Before we begin, we hired those tomatoes to work for you so you can gain their trust and then stab you both in the back when you least expect it!" Robbie said. "We brought you here so we can challenge you to a Wrestling Match! You two vs Us!" Delbert said.

"So that's where those tomatoes came from. And they were eating all those towel rolls." Fitz said. "So their not from Outer Space." Thester said. "Now, get your asses into that wresting ring." Delbert said.

"We accept! We will beat your redneck ass, Robbie!" Fitz dares the redneck. "If you win, you get to keep your Kingpin status. Lose, well, you'll both get fed to our Monster Tomato Plant!' Robbie informs the Kingpin and his lackey. "Then me and Robbie will take over as the big Meth Kingpins of Paradise!" Delbert says.

"Oh no! I hope we don't lose, Fitz." Thester shuddered. "Don't worry. We will win against these two." Fitz said. Before they knew it, Fitz and Thester were being lead into the Wresting Ring which looked cheaply made full of plywood and cardboard. "Hope you like our Wrestling Ring! Robbie inherited it from his dead cousin Bobby Possomcods!" Delbert tells them. The Stone Temple Pilots Song Interstate Love Song plays.

The audience was cheering hoping to see a good clean fight. Then they saw the Monster Tomato Plant. "What the fuck!" Randall said. "Could that be where the tomatoes were coming from?" asked Kevin. Karen was shocked to see Fitz and Thester were still alive. "I just made a memorial billboard of them a week ago!" Karen concedes. "Then we tore it down!" Randall responds. Camaro Bob was the referee.

"In the corner babies it's the champions! Robbie and Delbert Hick! In the other corner the challengers! Gerald Fitzgerald and Thester Carbomb!" Camaro Bob announces.

"I'm not sure who to root for!" Dusty said. "Who cares! They're criminals! Let's hope they all kill each other!" Gina said. Taking their positions at the Wrestling Ring. Camaro Bob tells all four of them, "Okay, no hitting below the belt or going against the rules! Lets have a fun fight. GO baby!" Camaro Bob said.

Fitz was fighting Robby. While Thester was fighting Delbert. "You think you can take away my Kingpin empire! NEVER! Let's see how you can take THIS!" Fitz said punching Robbie then throwing Robby over his shoulder. Bullet observes the fight, "I can do better moves than that!" Delbert had Thester in his sights. "I might be short and chubby, but I do know how to kick ass!" Thester said in anger. Delbert tries to hit Thester, but Thester ducks down and does a nice roundhouse kick on Delbert knocking him to the ground.

"Holy shit! I didn't know Thester could do THAT!" Randall said. "I didn't know Fitz could throw anyone over his shoulder!" Kevin said astounded at Fitz's and Thester's fighting moves. The crowd cheered on. Then Robbie and Delbert decide to get even. Robbie puts Fitz in a headlock and throws Fitz to the ground. Delbert then pins down Thester to a point where he can't get up. Neither Fitz or Thester can escape their grasp. "Oh boy! Those positions they're in makes me think of that 1920's pornos I was a part of!" Stanley said.

At the Dippin' Dots Building. Brett DeMarco was watching the whole thing. Once Brett sees Robbie and Delbert overpower Fitz and Thester, it delighted him. "Good, maybe they'll both die and I can get my Legion of DOOOOOM leadership back!" Brett implies. Frank, Pedro, and Marcos enter the conference room and watch the Wrestling Match.

"Oh no! Our leaders are in extreme danger!" Frank said. "We need to do something, puto!" Pedro added. "Santa Maria! Fitz and Thester will be killed out there!" Marcos Narcos says.

"So what! The sooner they're gone the better. Then I'll be your leader again!" Brett tells them. "Fuck you, Brett. Things have been better for the Legion of DOOOOOM since Fitz and Thester have been back!" Frank tells off Brett. "Yeah, when you were leading us, we ended up in prison!" Pedro adds on.

"Why not try to help us help them?" Marcos Narcos suggested. Brett DeMarco decides to bail. "If you guys want your precious Fitz back! Get him back yourselves! Be soldatis!" "What the fuck is a soldati?" asked Frank. "It's Italian for solider! Don't you guys know anything! I'm outta here I'm going back to my Pharmecidical Company. I'm not helping that shithead Fitz! You're all on your own! Good luck assholes!" Brett said as he departed.

Frank, Pedro, and Marcos Narcos watched the viewscreen of the Wresting Match. Robbie throws Fitz as Delbert does the same to Thester which causes them to bump into each other. Once Fitz and Thester bumped heads, the colors of their clothes swapped.

"SHIT! My clothes are your colors!" Fitz yelled. "Oh no! My clothes are all white!" Thester screamed. Robbie and Delbert them jump onto them both. "You're worried about your clothes when you're both going to be plant food?" Robbie says. Changing the channel on the Viewscreen, they see more tomatoes terrorize Paradise.

"Gosh hiring those tomatoes was a huge missfire." Frank speaks. "I know. Even Fitz makes mistakes. Nobody's perfect." Pedro said. "I know something we can do to save them." Marcos Narcos said.

"What is it. We sure can use some good ideas." Frank said. "In Columbia I had my scientists invent a teleporter device. I brought it here to the states just in case of an emergency." Marcos Narcos said.

"What the teleporter device for?" Pedro asked. "How about we bring out a character from another adult cartoon to annoy the hell out of the tomatoes and stop the Wrestling Match." Marcos Narcos said.

"OKay, I'm willing to do that. But who should we choose? Homer Simpson?" asked Frank. "No, someone better." Pedro said. "Uhh, does it have to be an adult cartoon? How about a kid's cartoon like that joker girl from the Loud House or the father from Fairly Oddparents?" suggests Frank. "No! I thought of someone! Peter Griffin from Family Guy!" Marcos Narcos said.

"All right. Peter Griffin it is. A Family Guy rerun is on right now on that Freeform channel!" Frank said. "Didn't that channel used to be called ABC Family?" asked Pedro. "Who cares! Go to the rec room and turn on Freeform and get Peter Griffin out of the TV!" Marcos Narcos advised.

The three of them went into the Rec Room. Turned on the television. The teleporter looked like a Shop Vac. Marcos Narcos put the nozzle up to the TV as Frank turned on Family Guy. A portal opened on the TV and out came Peter Griffin who was confused about his sudden new surroundings.

"Holy Freaking Shit! Where the fuck am I!" Peter said. "Peter Griffin, welcome!" Frank said. "Why didn't we get your son Jerry or Pat Robertson to help?" asked Pedro. "Because Pat Robertson is back making 700 Club episodes and Jerry is in the sewers with his dolphin people family!" Frank said.

Darting around back and forth Peter says, "This isn't the Drunken Clam!" Peter then takes a look at Frank, Pedro, and Marcos Narcos. "You guys aren't Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire!"

"Of course we're not. We summoned you here because we want you to rid our town of tomatoes! Puto!" Pedro told Peter. "Yes, and when you're done with that, we need you to save our bosses!" Frank tells Peter.

"Okay. I can lead a hand to you minorities. I am friends with a black guy." Peter said. "Yes we know." Frank said. "But first, what cartoon am I in? Is this Animaniacs? Or Tiny Toon Adventures? I know, maybe I'm in Taz-Mania! Loved Taz's father how he used to say, 'blah, blah, blah yakity schmackity! hee hee hee hee hee!' Peter talks.

"Yep he's Peter Griffin all right. Now come with us. What we need you to do is annoy the hell out of those tomatoes attacking our town. Think you can do that?" Frank said.

"Peter Griffin is my name. Annoying is my game! Just like the time I..." as Peter was about to do a cutaway, Pedro stops him. "No time for your famous cutaways Puto!"

Few minutes later, Peter was being lead to the limo. Pedro was driving. Peter was in the back seat with Frank and Marcos Narcos. Driving into town, the tomatoes were damaging and destroying everything in their wake.


A white background is seen and Pat Robertson was there. "HA HA HA! Made my way into the episode bitches! I'll be back with the Legion of DOOOOM in the next one! You can count on that!" Then Jerry Flipperfist appears next to him and and gurgles then says, "And now here's the ending to our episode!"

At the Hick Residence back yard. The Wrestling Match was still going strong. In fact three hours had gone by and it was still Round One. Dusty was expressing his impatience, "DAMMIT! It's been Round One for hours now!" "Those idiots didn't even hire a whore in a bikini to tell us the rounds!" Bullet protested. "Okay, here's the plan PD. When this Wrestling Match is over, we will arrest all four of these assholes! Understood!" Randall said. "I get it!" Stanley answered. "I want the pleasure to pound on those four sons of bitches! The plant too!" Gina said. Kevin gets a call from his cellphone. Kevin answers it, "Hello? Hey, Lydia! You're back from Disneyland! Glad to hear from you! Yes, you bet I'll pick up you and your family at the airport. Then we can have a date! Great see you then! Bye!" Kevin gets out of the audience to go pick up Lydia and her family at the airport.

"Kevin's leaving," Dusty noticed. "He's worthless anyway. It'll just be the four of us!" Randall said. Robbie who had Fitz pinned down, Delbert had Thester over his arms. "Giving up?" Robbie sneers at Fitz. "NEVER!" Fitz implies. Delbert threw Thester in the ground. "YIPE!" Thester moaned. "Never underestimate rednecks in a Wrestling match!" Delbert told Thester. Robbie tells the audience, "You do all know we intend to kill these mother fuckers, right?" Delbert then tells the audience, "You don't want to miss Round 6!" "It's been Round One for three fucking hours, morons!" Bullet screams at them.

Fitz and Thester unleashed some adreniline then were able to overpower Robbie and Delbert and began wailing on them. "We're not going down!" Fitz shouted. "We refuse to lost to these asshats!" Thester yelled. Meanwhile, in the Legion of DOOOOOM Limo, Peter was with Frank, Pedro, and Marcos Narcos. Peter witnesses all the chaos the tomatoes were wrecking on the town.

"So, any pointers on how to get rid of these tomatoes?" asked Frank to Peter. "Do you guys happen to have a CD Player?" Peter asked. "In the front seat we do." Marcos Narco says. Peter takes out a CD from his pocket. "Play this at a loud volume." Peter instructed. "We shall do that!" Frank puts the CD in the player in the front seat of their limo. Marcos Narcos asks, "What will this CD do?" "Oh you'll see!" Peter said. Pedro hears the song that was playing on the CD it was none other than Surfin' Bird. "Should've known it would've been this song, puto!"

The volume was turned up high as the limo was speeding around Paradise. Once the tomatoes hear the Surfin' Bird song, they all explode into nothingness. "Bird bird bird! Bird is the word!" "Awesome! It's working! Keep it up!" Frank said. The limo was now headed towards the Hick residence to the Wrestling Match.

"HOLD ON TIGHT! WE GOT A KINGPIN TO SAVE!" Frank said. Back at the Hick Residence in the Wrestling Match. Fitz was beating up on Robbie, and Thester was beating up on Delbert.

Robbie was on the ground and tells the crowd, "It was these two sumbitches who sent out these tomatoes I'll have you know!" "Yeah, then why is there a Monster Tomato Plant in your backyard you dumbass twat waffles?" Gina screamed. "Oh Gina! I love the way you scream!" Dusty said.

"You and Delbert are the real culprits behind this! When this match ends, I'm placing you ALL UNDER ARREST!" Randall said with promise.

Fitz picks up Robbie and twirls him around then slams him on the ground. Thester does a pile driver on Delbert. Fitz tells Robbie, "You're down for the count, fucker!" Thester tells Delbert, "We are not going to become a meal for your monster plant!" "You and Delbert will NEVER take my place as the Kingpin!" Fitz tells off the rednecks. Thester farts in Delbert's face, "Take a whiff of this, fuckass!"

Just as the Wrestling Match was going to go another round, a bunch of more tomatoes came from the Monster Tomato Plant after eating more towel rolls. A limo is heard approaching the Wrestling Match. Karen freaks out seeing the tomatoes. "RANDALL! DO SOMETHING!" "We're on it!" Randall said. "Prepare to attack!" Bullet ordered. Peter Griffin comes onto the Wrestling Ring. Which had people murmuring. Camaro Bob runs away. "If Peter Griffin is here, I'm out!"

"Huh?" "Isn't he from the Family Guy?" "What's he doing here on a Netflix cartoon?" "Guess we're going to find out!"

Gina sees Peter and says, "Hubba hubba! Too bad he's married!"

Peter gets a microphone. "Hey people! How are you doing here in Paradise? All having a good time?"

The audience cheers. Fitz and Thester secretly escape with the help of Frank, Pedro, and Marcos Narcos.

"I am here to fix this tomato problem! But first I want to ask this crowd. Have you heard?" Peter asked the crowd.

"Heard what?" shouted a spectator.

"Have you not heard?" asked Peter again.

"You're confusing us here!" shouted another spectator.

"It was my understanding that everyone has heard!" Peter tells the crowd.

Bullet giggles, "I can see where this is going!"

"OKay, play it!" Peter orders Frank, Pedro, and Marcos Narcos. Then the Surfin Bird song begins to play at a deafening volume. Which causes any tomatoes to dissolve and explode. Peter was dancing and singing, "Don't You Know About The Bird! Yes! Peter's Gonna Tell You About The Bird! Bird Bird Bird! Bird is A Word! B-B-B-B-B-ird! SSSSUUUURRRRRFFFFIIIINNNNN'"

"That was predictatable." Bullet said. The tomato invasion was over. "But look, all them tomatoes are gone! Peter Griffin! You are a hero!" Dusty yells. The crowd was cheering for Peter. Karen was disgusted, "Why didn't you think of that, Randall!" "Fuck you, Karen! I can't think of everything!" Randall tells off his wife.

The Paradise PD make their move and run into arrest Robbie and Delbert. "Hey, Fitz and Thester are gone!" Stanley notices. "Who cares! Robbie and Delbert are the real instigators!" Bullet said. Peter says goodbye to the audience and goes back to the limo to rejoin the Legion of DOOOOOM. "Bye Bye Bye Bye! Thanks for letting me make a guest appearance on Paradise PD!"

Gina rips apart the Monster Tomato Plant with her bare hands. That was the end of the Monster Tomato Plant. Everyone in the audience goes home. Soon afterward, the tomatoes may have been dead, but their mess remains. When Robbie and Delbert were arrested for all the terror that they caused with the tomatoes. The two rednecks were both ordered to do a year of community service. Their punishment was to clean up the mess that the tomatoes had left behind. If they failed, Robbie and Delbert would have to do five years in prison. Robbie and Delbert also had to take the fall for the marijuana meth. As part of a plea deal made with a cheapo lawyer.

Back at the Dippin Dots Building, Fitz, Thester, and the Legion of DOOOOM all said their final farewell to Peter Griffin before Marcos Narcos put him back in the Transporter. "Thank you Legion of DOOOOOM, and a special thanks to you, Peter Griffin!" Fitz tells him. "We're huge fans of your show!" Thester said. "I was happy to help. Let me know if you ever need me again!" Peter says as he goes into the Transporter back into the TV. Fitz and Thester went back in their bedroom to have the greatest sex ever. "We may need Peter Griffin again one day." said Frank. "I miss the Puto already." said Pedro.

As the week went by, Gina, Dusty, Bullet, Kevin (who spent some time with Lydia and was now back at work), Randall, and Stanley all got a delivery of Paper Towels with the cardboard rolls in them and gives them to the public.

"Enjoy your paper towels!" "It's less wasteful!" says Kevin, Randall, Stanley, Gina, Bullet and Dusty to the public. "Just take them to make my wife happy about her fucking pointless law!" Randall said.

When that was over, Gina and Dusty went on a double date with Kevin and Lydia. They passed by Robbie and Delbert in their squad car and laughed at them, "HA! HA! YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE TOWN!" Gina flipped the rednecks the middle finger.

Robbie and Delbert have felt an emotion they had never felt before. Guilt. "Aww, I wish I had never done this Tomato Plant Crap!" Robbie whines. "I know! We're going to be here cleaning forever! I might as well be back on Wall-Eyed Wally!" Delbert says.

A limo approached Robbie and Delbert and stopped at the place they were cleaning. Fitz and Thester rolled down the window of the limo. "Hey, Robbie and Delbert. Having fun cleaning up the town?" jokes Fitz.

"Does it look at it?" Robbie spat. "It's all your fault this happened in the first place!" Delbert spat. "You should've thought about that before you forced us to wrestle you!" Thester tells them.

"This whole thing was your doing, fuckers! You made us earn the trust of those tomatoes you planted and then they fucking back stabbed us!" Fitz yelled at Robbie and Delbert.

"But anyway we just want you to know we forgive you." Thester said in a sweet tone. "Really?" asked Robbie. "Even after we tried to kill y'all?" Delbert asked.

"Why yes. How about we put this behind us and this way Thester and I can be the bigger person!" Fitz said. "OKay!" "I'm down with that!" Robbie and Delbert both said. "You gonna help us clean?" asked Robbie.

Fitz and Thester then take out paintball guns and shoot Robbie and Delbert with the paintball guns. Robbie and Delbert were injured but they were okay. The limo drives off in high speeds as Robbie and Delbert lay in the mess of the tomatoes.

"DON'T FUCK WITH THE KINGPIN EVER AGAIN!" Fitz screamed. Fitz and Thester both laughed in the backseat. Pretending to make up with Robbie and Delbert. They delivered the best revenge on the rednecks anyone could've ever thought possible. Fitz and Thester both got the final laugh on Robbie and Delbert.

"Should we call the cops?" asked Delbert.

"Uhhh, let's not." answers Robbie.

The End

The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!

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