FicWad

A/N: Another fanfiction I am writing with my cool friend WeirdSweetNerd97! This time around it's a Family Guy Fanfiction. Ever wondered what would happen in Brian bit Quagmire? Read this to see! Before we begin I want to thank WeirdSweetNerd97 for being such a great friend to me. I had fun co-authoring this fanfiction with you. Hope to write with you some more in the future.



Enough Jibber Jabber! It's on to the fanfiction! My first one on 2022!



Family Guy Presents



A Narwhal Puppy and WeirdSweetNerd97 Production



The Bite Seen Round the World




It was a perfect day on Spooner Street, the sun is shinning, the birds are singing and Brian is working on his latest novel. Stewie is in his bedroom conducting a new experiment. Brian downstairs tells himself, "I'm going to hit one out of the park with this new novel!". He started to write some things down on his laptop, when he suddenly get a notification on his phone. Brian goes to answer as Stewie looks admiringly at his latest scientific project: clones of Chris and Meg!



"With these clones, I am one step closer to world domination!" Stewie thought to himself Brian saw a notification of a writing competition at the library, he smiles when he saw this. He commission a story to the library awhile back and nearly forgot the whole thing. "Holy crap! How could I have forgotten about that?" Brian thinks out loud. "Oh, forget about that. Check out these beauties! Well, not the Meg one so much." Stewie tells Brian.


Brian was shocked as he saw clones of Chris and Meg in containers big enough to fit a human. "A-are those really Meg and Chris?" asked Brian
Stewie states, "As Dodger from Oliver and Company once said, Absolutely positively!" "Where's the real Meg and Chris? ". Asked Brian.
"Don't worry about it, Brian." stated Stewie "Did you kill them?" the dog asked nervously. He knew that Stewie can be a psychopath from time to time, just when someone get on his bad time. Stewie answers, "No! If course not!". Brian and Stewie soon hear Peter drive home. "Look like the Fat man return from work, instead of going to the clam like he usually does." stated Stewie "That's rather unusual.". Said Brian. Peter gets out of his car and walks into the house and yells, " Lois! I'm home! ".


Anytime Peter said that, it was a signal to Brian and Stewie that they had to drop everything they were doing and join their family for dinner. At the dinner, Chris and Meg were present, proving that Stewie didn't murder his older siblings. "So, how was everybody day." asked Lois "Well, I got a notification from the Library about the story I submitted for the writing competition and won first place." stated Brian "That's great, Brian!" admired Meg "What's the story about?"


"Why my latest novel of course.". Brian tells his family. "Congratulation, Brian!" said Lois "No autographs, please.". Brian laughs wholeheartedly . Stewie rolls his eyes, "This novel is probably just another piece of shit he crapped out."


"So, How are your friends doing?" Asked Lois. The guys and I are going to the library and meet the guy who wrote Percy Jackson and the Olympian" stated Peter "He's doing it the same time that stupid writing completion is taking place." Brian gets excited. "Can I come too! It'll be so wonderful to meet another author"!


Peter said, "Ah sure! Only problem is. Quagmire is coming.". "Don't worry. I'll stay away from him. I promise.". Brian says. " You guys can go when dinner is done." Lois orders. The boys finished Dinner and headed to the library. Brian took his Prius, since Peter is carpooling with the guys in quagmire car and two reason for that are: Quagmire hate and he doesn't want any dog drool in his car. "Man, I can't wait to meet the author who wrote the whole Series of Percy Jackson and the Olympian" Brian said to himself Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire arrived at the library first. Brian sons follows."Wow, I haven't been this excited since meeting Jessica Biel at a coffee shop" said Brian.




Cutaway Scene:


Brian is in line at a coffee shop and Jessica Biel got in line behind him, he recognize her and turn around to socialize with her.
"OH my God, your Jessica Biel!" stated Brian excitedly "Indeed I am!" Jessica Biel replied. "I loved you in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry." Brian tells the actress. "Ooooh! I never knew one of my fans can be so diverse!" Jessica Biel cheers.



End Of Cutaway.



Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were all browsing through the library. "What exactly are we looking for?". Peter asks. " Word is out on the street that there's drug smuggling here." Joe says.


Quagmire has his eyes on the Percy Jackson author. "Why are you staring at him?". Cleveland asked the perverted pilot. "Well will be meeting Rick Riordan, the man who wrote a series about a teenager named Percy Jackson who discovers he is a son of the Greek god Poseidon. The man who blend blends Greek mythology with modern-day characters and settings." stated Quagmire "Never knew you were so big on reading" said Cleveland. "There's lots of things you don't know about me!". Quagmire says as he heads over to meet Rick Riordan.


Brian was on his way to meet the famous author himself. When they reach both reach their destination. Brian gets there first. "Hey, Rick Riordan is it?". Brian asks the author. "Last time I checked.". Rick Riordan responded. Quagmire is not too far off.


"Son of a bitch! Who does that self righteous asshole dog thing he is?". Quagmire grumbles. "Quagmire, let it go." stated Cleveland as he put a firm hand on Quagmire shoulder to prevent a conflict from happening Rick Riordan was actually open minded to Brian as the dog showed the author his latest work. "Wow, this look interesting. No wonder you won first place." praised Rick Riordan.


Quagmire charges at Brian like a SWAT Team. Cleveland tries to reason with him. Nothing works. "What the fuck is your problem!??! I didn't do anything to you" yelled Brian as he try to fight Quagmire off him "Sometimes your ego is so huge! Someone has to bring you down!" Quagmire sneered into the recesses of Brian's eyes. Brian animals instinct kick in as he snarled and bite down into Quagmires arm very hard. "Yyyyeeeeeeoooooowwww!". Yelps Quagmire. Everyone including Elle was looking at the shocking event in horror. Glen was able to pull back his arm and saw it was bleeding from the bite.


"You bit me, you bitch!!!" yelled the perverted neighbor. Joe shrieked, "Holy shit!". " Brian, bad boy! Shame!". Peter screeched. "He started it!". Said Brian in his defense. "It's true, I saw the whole thing and so did you guys!" said Rick Riordan in Brian's defense. "I'm not sure who do side with! I'm so torn!". Peter said.


"Whatever, I'll be at home" stated Brian as he head towards his car, not bothering to argue back. The scene soon changed into the local news. "Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker."


"And I'm Joyce Kinney". "Our top story show an animal attack at the library." said Tom Tucker "That's right, Tom. Brian Griffin attacked local airplane pilot Glenn Quagmire by biting him in front of the famed Percy Jackson author." Joyce Kinney reports.


"We got Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa who is interviewing fame writer to tell us the whole thing" Said Tom Tucker "Tricia.."
"Tom, I'm standing here outside the Quahog library....". Tricia conceded. Quagmire runs up and takes the microphone away from Tricia. "THAT FUCKING DOG BIT ME ON PURPOSE!!!!!!! I WANT THAT LIBERAL DOUCHE PUT DOWN!!!!!" Glen screamed in the microphone, while showing his bleeding bite wound Peter turns off the TV. "This is bad" said Brian


"You think so, genius" stated Stewie "Brian, I am very disappointed in you!". Peter yelled. " Quagmire had it coming! He hates me for no reason!" Brian protested.




*




"Yeah, it's true." Chris pointed out A commotion is heard outside the Griffin house in their front yard. Ignoring Chris siding with Brian. Lois goes to see what's going on.


There were some young girls with signs on opposing teams. One side of the girls had signs that read, "Team Quagmire". The other side of the girls had a sign that said, " Team Brian".


"Why you are bitch on our lawn.". Hollers Lois. "We are here to protect Brian from being put down by that perverted creep" stated Brian's fan club Quagmire's club says, "Glenn Quagmire is awesome! He didn't deserve what he got."


Stewie states, " Oooooh! Looks like we got a fangirl war going on!" Brian groan and put his hand to his face in frustration, "Can this get any worse?" Stewie says, " It could even more worse then Kenneth Branaugh stomping on Will Smith in that shit Wild Wild West movie.



Cutaway Scene:


Kenneth Branaugh as Dr. Loveless uses robotic spider legs to stomp on Will Smith. "I like to beat my feet on Mississippi Mud!".


"Hey, I'm from Bel Air! Ever watched my show?". Will Smith yells at Kenneth Branaugh. "Oh yeah that's right. Sorry. Forget I Said anything about Mississippi Mud.". Kenneth Branaugh said awkwardly.


End of Cutaway.



Everybody were sitting in the living room thinking about what is happening and how to fix it. "Brian, this look very serious!" Lois pointed "Just go to Quagmire and apologize for biting him." "No! Quagmire had it coming!". Brian says. " How are we going to fix this?". asked Meg with concern.


"I know. If this isn't resolved soon. Meg and I will probably have another Kingsman Style Fight.". Chris implies. The Brian and Quagmire fan girls were having a war in the Griffins front lawn. Brian got outside and yelled "Alright, Everybody!! Go Home!!"


"You heard him, go home, bitch!!!!!!" scream the Brian Fan girls The next day. The Griffins wonder what will happen next. Everybody was eating breakfast in a awkward silence, then they heard a knock at the door. Lois answer it and saw Joe wearing his police officer uniform.
"Joe, what's going on here?" asked Lois "I'm afraid I'll have to take Brian in." Joe conceded. "What!??! Joe you can't be serious!??!" Lois said in shock "Its true. Brian come with me.". Joe said sadly. Brian walked over to Joe.


" This is the part where you give me the Miranda Rights. " Brian says. "I'm sorry, Brian. Where your going the Miranda right don't apply." Joe stated sadly
"What do you mean?" ask Peter. Brian says, "I get it. The dog pound, right?". Stewie watching everything unfold. " When the time calls for it, my dumb Chris and Meg clones will come in handy." "Oh my god, Brian!" exclaimed Lois "Please, Mr. Swanson. you can't take Brian away from us!" pleaded Meg. "I have no choice. Quagmire is pressing some very serious charges against him." Joe informs. Brian goes willingly. "Maybe I do need to pay for what I had done." Brian tells his family.



The family just stand their in stun silence. Brian accepts his fate. Joe took him to the local dog pound. Where Brian was forced to share a cell with a pitbull lifting weights. All the while waiting a court hearing. Meanwhile Lois gone to Quagmire's place to confront him. Quagmire greets Lois, "Hey Lois! Are you on my side about this?" Lois responded by slapping him across the face "How could you do this to Brian! Are you ever going to get over your hatred of him!". Lois asks. "You know what that piece of shit is like, who constantly hits on you..." started Quagmire before she cuts him of with a scream


"So does you, you spied on me going to the bathroom, you sick bastard!!" Quagmire argues back, "But I do it respectfully!". Stewie spies on Lois and Quagmire arguing and decides to take action!


"There is no way I am going to let Brian end up like David Gale! ". Stewie makes a vow.


Cutaway Scene:


David Gale is shown in the a cell waiting for death row with a cell mate "Pretty ironic that you are on death row, even through you are trying to get rid of it" stated the prisoner.



End of Cutaway


*


Brian still at the pound, then suddenly he hears rumbling sounds. Quagmire, after his verbal fight with Lois, hears a knock on his door.
Glen open his door Two shadowy figures knock him out. Soon afterwards, Quagmire wakes up. "What's the hell is going on!?!?" exclaimed the perverted assclown. The two dumb Chris and Meg clones appear before Quagmire who's hanging on a wall by his shirt. Stewie walks up to him. "Stewie! What the actual hell! I thought you were just a baby!". Yelled a shocked Quagmire

"I'm more than just a baby! I'm an evil genius! Anyway, you're here because you need to get over your hatred of Brian". Stewie tells Quagmire!


" No never! That son of a bitch bit me! I want him dead! ". Quagmire protested. " Okay, very well then. Chris! Meg! ". Stewie ordered his cloned siblings.


The Chris and Meg clones slowly approach Quagmire with knives and swords.

"Stab! Stab! Stab! Stab!" Chanted The Chris and Meg clones.


"What the fuck is this? Some twisted rendition of 13 Assassins?". Screamed Quagmire.


"Chris and Meg will hack you up if you don't drop the charges again Brian.". Stewie tells Quagmire straight out.


"Stab! Stab! Stab! Stab!". The Chris and Meg clones continued to chant. As the blades grew closer and closer, Quagmire get more and more scare. Glen begin to give in.


"Okay!! Okay!!! I'll drop the charges and my hatred of Brian!!!" shouted Quagmire, as he try to break loose "Excellent! Chris, get him down" ordered Stewie, clone Chris did what he was told, but he did it roughly, thus knocking Glen out. Stewie's eyes widen at this, but is relieve that glen is still breathing.


"Meg, But him to bed!!!" ordered the baby genius, the Meg clone did exactly that "At least Meg is more competent than Chris."
Meanwhile, Brian gets a visitor from the dog pound. "I'm so glad to see you one last time, Mr Riordan" stated Brian Mr Riordan tells Brian, "That man you bit has dropped the charges against you."


"Great! That's wonderful!". Said Brian.


"Yes, but I think its best if you never visit me again.". Mr Riordan says.


"Why?". Asked Brian. " I don't approve of violence. Especially amongst fans. Its an embarrassment to me. Just be lucky that you're free to go. Have a wonderful day."


As Brian was released from his cell. Brian felt both happy and disappointed knowing he'll never see his favorite author again.


"Freedom feels great! Too bad I'll never see Mr Riordan again. Anyway, this must be how Idris Elba felt when he was released in The Harder They Fall."



Cutaway scene:

The scene show Idris Elba as Rufus Buck exiting the jailhouse and said to him self "Whelp, it time for me gather up my gang and kill more people."

End of Cutaway.



Enjoying his exoneration. Brian heads to the Clam. Much to his shock Stewie was there. "Stewie, what are you doing here?" ask Brian "Wanted to tell you I was the one who saved you.". Stewie implied. " Really? How did you do it?". Asked Brian.


Blowing a whistle, Stewie summons the Chris and Meg clones. Who look like they were on the verge of melting.
"The Clones!?!" stated Brian. "Exactly! I told you they'd come in handy'! Said Stewie ecstatically. Everyone in the Clam clapped for Brian because he bit Quagmire!


"Way to teach that perv a lesson." "I never liked him anyway." Said some of the people in the bar. The Chris and Meg clones say their final words. "A Eudy-toot-toot!" the clone said before they melt All the people in the bar run away scared after seeing the clones melt.


Brian laughs, "Next time I'm in trouble you can always clone Chris and Meg again!" Stewie added, "Most importantly I spared you na high profile court case!" "That you did, then all the media would have been all over me about biting Quagmire! Especially Dr Drew and Nancy Grace!" Brian tells Stewie. He heard a throat clearing noise, which belong to Dr. Drew who is having a drink with Nancy Grace. Both giving them a look.


Brian mutter to himself "Crap."


The End






The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy and WeirdSweetNerd97 Production!