Categories > Original > Humor

Bless The Harts They Holler

by PickleGarden 0 reviews

Wanye, Betty, Jenny, and Violet from Bless The Harts are on vacation in Highland Texas.

Category: Humor - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Crossover - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2022-09-10 - 1861 words - Complete

0Unrated
Wayne Edwards was driving around Highland Texas. With him
there was his live-in girlfriend Jenny, her mother Betty and her
daughter, Violet. The Hart family was from North Carolina.
They were driving to a house that they were going to stay in
on their vacation.

"Texas! It really is like a whole other country!" said Jenny.
"Bet this house that was picked out, it's got lots of rooms and
big and spacious! We sure could use a place like that!" said Betty.
"Don't be so sure, guys." said Violet. "Why do you say that, Violet?"
asked Wayne. "I'm just being realistic here." Violet says.

"Maybe they'll be a place in this house where you can do your
paintings!" Jenny says. Wayne was driving and he spotted the house
where they were going to stay, "This is that house we saw on Priceline!"
announced Wayne.

Driving up, the house was not what they expected. It looked like a
run down shack. "One of the many consequences of being poor."
Betty talks. "So much for my special place to do my paintings."
Violet speaks out.

"Well so what! Let's just make the most of what we have." suggested
Wayne. Going inside the house, all there was inside was a TV, couch
and two bedrooms.

"Where the hell are we going to sleep?" asked Betty. "I got dibs on the
couch!" said Wayne. Looking around the bedrooms, Betty and Jenny see
an empty master bedroom. "Guess this will be ours." replies Betty. Violet
goes to see the other bedroom in the house and it had a bed and a toxic waste
barrel. Violet sighs, "This is worse than my bedroom back home."


Wayne turns on the TV, "Lets see what type of entertainment they have here
in Texas. "It'll be the same." Jenny tells her boyfriend. "Know what?," begins
Betty. "Let's go exploring this Highland place." "Sure, that'd be good." said
Jenny.

Going back into their car, Wayne drives around Highland to look for some
tourist attractions.


"Sheesh, this place is as empty as our vacation house." said Jenny.



()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()



That same day, Beavis and Butthead were walking down the sidewalk going to
school. The saw that everything on TV sucked, so they decided to go to
school. "Hey, Beavis, huhuhuhuh! Did you do your homework? huhuhuh!"
asked Butthead. "No way! heheheheh! Homework's for people who like, pay
attention or something? heheheh!" said Beavis. When they continued to
walk, they saw a construction site down the road, and it looks as though
they were fixing electrical wires, and some were laying on the ground.
"Whoa! Hey, Beavis, let's go play with those wires! huhuhuhuh!" said
Butthead. "Yeah! yeah! Wires are cool! I'm playing with mine right now!
heheheh!" said Beavis as he stuck his hand down his pants. "Not, that
wire, dumbass, those ones the contruckers people have, huhuhuhuh!" said
Butthead. "Oh, yeah! heheheh!" said Beavis.


Without any of the construction workers looking, Butthead went, and
picked up a wire. "I go.......AAAHHHH!!!!!" shouted Butthead as he got
shocked by the wire he picked up. Beavis was impressed! "Whoa! heheheh!
That was cool, Butthead! Do that again!" Butthead didn't respond, and
started to get seizures, (the kind Beavis gets.) "DON'T CALL ME
BUTTHEAD, YOU ASSWIPE!!!!" shouted Butthead really loud. Beavis walked
to school by myself, Butthead still having the seizures, he followed
Beavis.


Later on in Buzz Cut's class, he was explaining how to do an
experiment with electricity. Beavis was chortling to himself, and
Butthead was still having seizures. Buzz Cut noticed they weren't paying
attention, so he yelled at Butthead. "DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?! WHAT IS
HELL IS WRONG, BUTTHEAD?!" shouted Buzz Cut. Butthead got up from his
seat, pulled his AC|DC shirt over his head. All the kids in the classroom
were looking at Butthead. "I AM CHICK MAGNET!!! I GOT OUT WITH EVERY
CHICK I SEE!!!" shouted Butthead. Beavis just sat there saying.


"Butthead got shocked! heheheheh! 'Shocked'!"
"GO DOWN TO THE OFFICE, NOW!!!" shouted Buzz Cut at Butthead. On
his way to the office, Butthead came up to Cassandra and said, "Would you
like to be a chick for Chick Magnet?, huhuhuh!" Cassandra said, "Leave me
alone you loser!" Butthead started walking down the halls, shouting, "I
AM CHICK MAGNET!!! I WANT EVERY CHICK I SEE!!!" Butthead approched an
empty girl's bathroom, "huhuhuhuh, this is gonna be cool!" he said as he
walked in. Butthead shouted, "OKAY, CHICKS!! YOU SHALL DO ME!!!!"


Meanwhile, in Mr. Van Driessen's class, he was talking about the
history of technology. Butthead was walking down the halls still
shouting, and then appeared in the doorway. "Butthead, what do you want?"
asked Mr. Van Driessen. "I WANT EVERY CHICK THERE IS, HUHUHUH! I AM
CHICK MAGNET! DO NOT ANGER ME!!!" Butthead shouted. "Butthead, I think
you better go down to the office and have a talk with the principal,
okay?" Mr. Van Driessen suggested. "Uh, okay! huhuhuhuh!" said Butthead
as he headed down to the office.


In Mr. McVicar's office, stressed out as usual, Mr, McVicar said,
"You can't just leave class and go shouting down the hallways pretending
you're some infomaniac!" "Uh, okay! huhuhuh! I'm sorry, sir!" said
Butthead. "Did you just say you're sorry? Tell you what, Butthead, I
think I'll just let you go for this time! If I catch you or Beavis next
time, you guys get kicked out for a week! Understand?" said Mr. McVicar.
"huhuhuh, you said, 'under'! huhuhuh! 'under'! said Butthead as he left
the office. The woman at the desk asked Butthead if he was going back to
class.


Butthead found a light socket, and stuck his finger in it go
shocked, and became 'Chick Magnet' again! Back in Buzz Cut's class,
"BEAVIS! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FRIEND?" asked Buzz Cut. "He got
shocked! heheheheh! 'shocked'! I'm gonna go join him!" said Beavis as
he left the room. "BEAVIS, GET BACK HERE!!!" shouted Buzz Cut after him.
When Beavis found Butthead walking around as Chick Magnet, Beavis decided
to become his alter-ego, "I AM CORNHOLIO!!! I NEED T.P. FOR MY
BUNGHOLE!!!" shouted Beavis. "I AM CHICK MAGNET!!! I'M THE HORNIEST
THING ALIVE, HUHUHUHUH!" shouted Butthead.

Both Beavis and Butthead were walking around the school hallways
with their shirts over their heads, and they decided alter-egos are cool!
"I AM CORNHOLIO!!! I NEED T.P. FOR MY BUNGHOLE!!!!" "I AM CHICK MAGNET!!
I DO EVERY CHICK I SEE!!!!"



()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()


Mr McVicar hears all the commotion Beavis and Butthead were making. He
decides he's had enough. "BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD! WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU! JUST FOR THAT FOR NOT LISTENING, YOU'RE BOTH
KICKED OUT FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!"

Beavis as Cornholio says, "Cool, hehehehehehe!" Butthead as Chick Magnet says,
"Now we can go home and watch TV huhuhuhuhuhuh!"

Beavis and Butthead in their Cornholio and Chick Magnet alter egos leave
school and walk back home.

While they were walking back to their house, Wayne, Betty Violet, and Jenny
were driving back to the vacation home, unaware it was the home of
Beavis and Butthead.

"Coming to Highland was clearly a huge mistake!" states Wayne. "You're telling me."
agrees Jenny.

"All they got here is Burger World and a failing mall. Where's the put put golf?"
asked Betty. "Yeah, where's the art gallery?" agrees Violet.

"Tell you all what. Let's go back to that house, regroup. Then find a better place here
in Texas to take our trip." suggested Wayne.

"Good idea, this place is so vacant and desolate." said Jenny. "Maybe the reason is
all the kids and teens are in school." Violet says.

Now that the Harts were back in the 'house'. Wayne walks in first, then Violet,
Jenny, and Betty. Once they enter, the TV turns on by itself.

Jenny and Betty panic. "Oh my gosh! Did you hear that?" asked Betty.

"Hear what?" Violet asks. "The TV turned on by itself!" said Jenny.

"How does that even happen?" Wayne sighed in annoyance.

Violet sees the TV and points, "It's true! Look!"

Wayne, Jenny, Betty, and Violet all look at the TV. It was on
The Crap Network channel.

"THE CRAP NETWORK! HOME OF THE TV FAMILY HOUR! WE NOW RETURN TO MELISSA GILBERT.
ROBERT URICH AND LOU FERRIGNO IN ASBESTOS IN OBSTETRICS!"


Wayne, Betty, Jenny, and Violet all scream, then huddle together trembling in far.



()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()



Turning off the TV in the house, the light begins to flicker. Which freaks out
Wayne, Betty, Jenny, and Violet even more.

"Calm down, everyone!" announces Wayne. "I'm good with electronics!"
"Maybe you shouldn't risk anything." Jenny shrieked. Betty turns off the
TV only to have the TV turned back on again, and now Gomer Pyle was playing.

"THAT WASN'T DRIFTWOOD, PYLE! THAT WAS A STATUE I WAS SCULPTING
FOR THE COLONEL!"

"WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SHIT IS HAPPENING HERE!" Wayne yelled.

"I dunno. Maybe someone wants us out." Betty guesses. If things weren't
chaotic before, they were about to be. Jenny then hears some chortling from far
away.

"Did anyone hear that evil laughter?" Violet says who begins to hyper
ventilate.

'It's coming closer and closer...." Jenny panics. "Somebody doesn't
want us here." Betty says.

The chortling was from Beavis and Butthead who both were screaming,
"I AM CORNHOLIO!" "I AM CHICK MAGNET!"


"EEEEK! They're coming and coming!" Violet gasped. Beavis and
Butthead tried to open the door to their house.

"DAMMIT BUTTHEAD! It seems to be jammed or something! hehehehe!"
Beavis implied. "Uhh, I think we need a home siren system or something.
huhuhuhuh!" Butthead answered.

Wayne gets up and opens the door. "Wayne! Are you crazy! What the
hell!" Jenny yells.

"They could be killers, robbers, or worse!" warned Betty.

"Trust me! I'm the man of the house. Maybe I can kick their asses and,"
Wayne says opening the door. Beavis and
Butthead ran inside scaring away Wayne who ran to the couch with
Jenny, Betty, and Violet.

Now the Harts were face to face with Beavis and Butthead.

"I AM CORNHOLIO! I NEED TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!"

"I AM CHICK MAGNET! I MAKE OUT WITH ANY CHICK
I SEE!"

Wayne, Jenny, Betty, and Violet all scream fearfully as they
run out of the house and into their truck.

"What'll we do now?" asked Betty. "Go to Priceline, and
for a refund and find someplace else!" Wayne yells.
"Let's try some other places here in Texas!" said Violet.
"So true! Like maybe one with a theme park or a
beauty parlor!" said Jenny.

"Step on it and let's go!" Betty shouted. The Harts drove off
in their truck. Beavis and Butthead watched them drive away.

"Who the hell were those fartknockers? huhuhuhuhuh." wonders
Butthead.

"I think they were mover men or something. hehehehehe!" answers
Beavis.

"That was cool how we scared them away. huhuhuhuhuh!" said
Butthead.

"You're right! That'll teach them for watching our TV!" said Beavis.

"And coming into our house! huhuhuhuhuh!" Butthead says.

"You said, 'coming'! hehehehehehe!" Beavis replies.

Now that Beavis and Butthead had their house back, and they were
kicked out of school for a week. The dimwitted teenage duo decide
to do what they do best. Watch TV!
Sign up to rate and review this story