FicWad

Previously:

Brown pushes a button on his chair, "Engineering! Prepare for maximum hyperwarp!"

The chief engineer's voice comes over the intercom, "I would be glad to comply, sir, but—er—well—"

"What is it!?"

"We can't go to hyperwarp."

"What!? Why not!?"

"A drunken engineer ejected the hyperwarp core."

The ejected hyperwarp core of the doomed U.S.S. Fred Rogers drifts ever further into the Barbie Nebula. The ship at the center of the cloud is at hyperwarp, resuming its course toward Earth.

"Why is it always Earth, anyway?"

Damn it, Morgan Freeman! Go away! You're not in this scene!

"Fine! See if I care!"

Anyway, as before, the core is being dragged along in the ship's hyperwarp field, just as the Enterprise is as it travels through the interior of the starship shaped like a "curling iron with balls".

"Couldn't the author think of anything else to be at the center of this thing?"

Hey! Don't make me get my baseball bat, Morgan!

"Hmph!"

Now where was I? Oh, yes, the interior of the starship is dimly lit and fleshy, and lining the interior is a massive amount of animatronics depicting acts of a sexual nature.

Molly zooms in on some of the "action". Her hands start to sweat and she salivates. Molly licks her lips, biting her lower lip; then she reaches down her pants. Rona stares at the viewscreen, unblinking.

Picard-Kirk is taken aback, "Argh! Turn the viewscreen off!"

"But, Dad!" Molly protests.

"That's an order!"

Molly pouts, "Fine!" She turns the viewscreen off, but Rona continues to stare straight ahead, her left eye twitching.

Picard-Kirk waves his hand in front of her eyes, "Are you all right, Rona?"

Rona ignores him. She pushes a button on the arm of her chair and says, "Larry Christopher Burton! You better have your clothes off when I get to sickbay because I need you really badly right now!" Rona then runs off the bridge.

"Rona!? Merde!" Picard-Kirk swears.

Polly's console beeps, "Sir, sensors show that the cloud has entered the Sol system, and that it is dissipating as it slows to sublight speed. The sensors are also detecting something just outside the 'curling iron'. It's on a collision course with it."

"What is it?"

Polly's eyes grow wide, "It's a hyperwarp core, sir! It will impact the 'curling iron' in seconds! We have to get out of here!"

"Molly, turn us toward the exit, and engage at full hyper-impulse! Polly, arm a torpedo, and fire at my command!"

Molly turns the ship toward the circular diaphragm shutter door from which they entered. As the Enterprise speeds toward the door, Picard-Kirk commands, "Fire!" Polly then fires a parodion torpedo, which destroys the door.

The distorted voice of the ship's pilot comes over the intercom, "What the hell are you doing!?"

"Au revoir!" Picard-Kirk says, as the Enterprise escapes and jumps to hyperwarp. The Fred Rogers's hyperwarp core continues to tumble end over end toward the "curling iron".

The pilot of the "curling iron" takes off her neural interface, revealing herself to indeed be Michael Burnham. However, this Michael Burnham only thinks she's from the 23rd century and only thinks she's the adoptive sister of Spock. Impact warning klaxons call attention to the hyperwarp core on a collision course with her ship.

She growls, "I'll get you next time, Picard-Kirk!" She then boards an escape pod that launches from the bow of the ship, forming a hole in the area where the escape pod was docked. The Fred Rogers's hyperwarp core then impacts the ship and blasts it to atoms.


The residents of Earth and the remainder of the solar system cheer as they see the explosion of the starship shaped like a "curling iron with balls". Kurtzman sees the destruction of the ship on a monitor in his secret underground lair. He slams his fist on the arm of his chair.

"Bah! Damn you, Picard-Kirk!" he seethes.

"Incoming hail," announces the computer.

"On screen," the face of Michael Burnham appears on the monitor, "Ah, Ms. Burnham, would you mind telling me what happened?" Kurtzman scowls.

"My ship was impacted by a stray hyperwarp core!"

"A stray hyperwarp core!?"

"According to my sensor data analysis, the core was the type used on Butterfly-class starships. The core's serial number matched the one installed on the U.S.S. Fred Rogers. It must have been ejected before the ship was destroyed, and then it must have been caught in my ship's hyperwarp field," Burnham reports.

"Well played, Captain Brown, as unintentional as it must have been," Kurtzman says aloud to himself.

"What happens now?"

"Return home; I'll be in touch; ta-ta, my dear. Computer, end transmission," and Burnham's face disappears from the monitor.


Meanwhile, in the Enterprise's sickbay, Larry disrobes right in front of Steve.

"Whoa! I didn't ask for a striptease!" Steve exclaims and shields his eyes.

"I'm sorry, but something must have really aroused Rona, and when she needs it, she really needs it! Computer, unseal the sickbay doors."

"Sickbay doors unsealed."

"Oh, and I apologize, Steve," Larry says and sedates him. The sickbay doors then open. Rona runs in, tackles Larry, and bites the left side of Larry's neck so hard that she punctures his skin! Rona's sexual arousal heightens as she tastes Larry's blood!

"Yow! Sheesh, Rona! Let's at least get on a biobed first!"