Categories > TV > Star Trek: The Original Series > Star Infinity
Chapter VII
0 reviewsPicard-Kirk learns that there is always a bigger fish (or starship in this case).
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While the Enterprise travels through the Barbie Nebula, Picard-Kirk sits in his ready room at his desk. Prompted by Sonic's question as to whether he had examined the specifications of his own ship, Picard-Kirk decides to look over the specs of the Enterprise.
As he studies the specs, he comes across a size comparison between his ship and the original, pre-refit U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701, most famously commanded by James T. Kirk. Picard-Kirk squints at the indistinguishable array of pixels labeled such. The given length of the "AA" is 12,000 meters, and the original, 288.6456 meters (947 feet).
Picard-Kirk's jaw drops yet again, "Computer, is this comparison accurate!?"
"Affirmative," the computer confirms.
"Damn, this ship is huge!"
"That's what she said!" the computer laughs.
"Don't make me use my baseball bat on you, Computer!" Picard-Kirk threatens.
"Sorry, I'll be good," the computer says sheepishly. Then there is a tone.
Picard-Kirk doesn't look up, "Enter," he says, and Larry does so.
"Hello, Josh."
Picard-Kirk still doesn't look up, "Larry."
Larry studies the ship's dedication plaque, saying, "I would like to let you know that Captain Decker should be ready to return to duty soon."
"That's nice."
Larry then looks back at Picard-Kirk, "What are you doing?"
"I'm comparing sizes."
"Comparing sizes, huh?"
"Not those kinds of sizes, you dolt! Come here and look!"
Larry shrugs and goes to Picard-Kirk's side, "Okay, so it's the Enterprise."
Picard-Kirk points at the group of pixels just above it.
"N-C-C-one-seven-oh-one, that is Kirk's Enterprise, isn't it?"
"Yep."
"Whoa! Kirk's Enterprise is tiny!"
"That's what she—"
"Computer!" Picard-Kirk interrupts.
"Sorry."
"Admiral Picard-Kirk, please report to the bridge. We are approaching the ship at the center of the cloud," Rona's voice comes over the intercom.
"On my way," Picard-Kirk closes the channel and dismisses Larry, who begins to leave, "Oh, and Larry, keep Steve in an induced coma until further notice," Picard-Kirk orders.
Larry stops to look at Picard-Kirk, "What!?"
"Just do it!"
Picard-Kirk arrives on the bridge while Larry returns to sickbay.
Rona stands, "Admiral on the bridge!"
"As you were, Rona, and sit in Steve's chair. I'm making you the acting first officer."
"But, Larry just told me—"
"Forget what he said. Officially, Steve is in a coma and may not wake for a while."
"A lie?"
"Just shut up and sit down!"
"Very well, sir, but under protest."
Picard-Kirk then turns to his daughter, "Molly, put the ship on screen," he orders, and something that resembles a gigantic pair of hot pink spheres appears.
Picard-Kirk sighs, "Why do I get the feeling that I know what this is?"
"Sir, we are being hailed again," Sonic reports.
"Open a channel."
"All right, I know what you're thinking, so I'm just going to cut to the chase and upload the schematics of my ship to your computers. But I warn you, you may not like what you see," the ship's pilot cautions them.
"We are receiving the data now, Admiral—oh, my!" Molly does her "best" George Takei impression.
"Just put it on screen, Molly," Picard-Kirk orders, and schematics of a starship resembling a giant "curling iron" with a pair of "balls" appear on screen.
Picard-Kirk throws up his hands, "Any semblance of dignity this parody may have had has just been blown out into space!" Picard-Kirk then sees the length of the ship, "Sixty-nine kilometers!? Of course!"
"That's it! I'm outta here!" Sonic says. He pushes a button on his mobile emitter, deactivating himself. The emitter hits the floor, the sound of which wakes Tubman. After seeing what is on screen, Tubman grabs her portable music player, gets up from her station, hands Picard-Kirk her combadge, picks up Sonic's mobile emitter, and leaves the bridge.
Picard-Kirk sighs, "I can't say that I blame them."
"Come on in. Don't be shy," the pilot invites, and a circular diaphragm shutter door opens above the ship's "balls".
Captain's log, we have found the object at the center of the Barbie Nebula. It is a gigantic, hot pink starship in the shape of a "curling iron with balls", and it is 69 kilometers in length. Yes, you heard correctly. For those who, for some reason, want to know what that equates to in the old "Imperial" system of measurement, that is about 42.87 miles. Anyway, the pilot of the ship hailed us and invited us to go inside via a circular diaphragm shutter door at the aft of the ship.
Half the crew has left the ship in shuttles, protesting the turn of events. Lieutenant Henrietta Annie Clarabel Tubman and Lieutenant Commander Sonic the Hedgehog are among them. Those of the senior staff who remain are myself, Captain William Stephen Decker, Commander Rona Burton, Lieutenant Commander Monique Evette La Forge, and Dr. Larry Christopher Burton. I have promoted Lieutenants Molly and Polly Picard-Kirk to members of the senior staff to replace Sonic and Tubman. Molly will continue to man the helm, and Polly will take over the tactical station.
Captain Decker is currently unconscious after suffering cranial trauma. He apparently hit his head on a low-hanging transversal pipe in the corridor on the way to his quarters. Dr. Burton will alert me when Captain Decker wakes up. For now, Commander Rona Burton will be acting as my first officer.
After Picard-Kirk ends his log entry, Rona speaks, "Sir, there are no low-hanging transversal pipes in the ship's corridors. Moreover, assaulting a subordinate and lying in an official report are serious offenses."
"Noted, Commander," Picard-Kirk says without looking at Rona.
Decker wakes up on a biobed in sickbay. The remaining sickbay staff have been dismissed by Larry.
"Computer, seal the room, and deactivate all surveillance systems," Larry orders.
"What is the authorization code?" the computer requests.
"Ding-dong! The rogue intelligence agency is dead!" Larry replies.
"Room sealed; all surveillance systems deactivated," the computer says.
"What's going on? Why am I here in sickbay?" Decker wonders.
"You were knocked unconscious by your commanding officer," Larry says.
"I see. Why did you seal the room and turn off the surveillance systems?"
"There is something that you must know, Captain."
"Call me Steve, please."
"Whatever. Have you ever wondered why Rona and I are aboard this ship?"
"You were stationed on this ship's predecessor and are friends with Admiral Picard-Kirk?"
"Well, that, and something a bit more, how shall we say, covert."
"Egad! You and Rona are members of Section Thirty-One, aren't you?"
"Fool! Section Thirty-One was disbanded centuries ago! Who do you think the 'rogue intelligence agency' in the authorization code refers to!?"
"Oh."
"Anyway, Captain Ahab and Starfleet Intelligence believe that this whole 'Barbie Nebula' business is part of an elaborate scheme orchestrated by Admiral Kurtzman to ruin our commanding officer's reputation and career."
"Seriously!? Admiral Picard-Kirk's bad reputation precedes him! His 'career' is as big a joke as mine! What's there to ruin!?"
"Search me, but apparently, Kurtzman is jealous of Josh!"
"Why!?"
"Who knows!? Anyway, it is also believed that Kurtzman is co-conspiring with the entity at the helm of this overgrown adult toy—"
"Overgrown adult toy!?"
"Oh, sorry, you were unconscious. It turns out that the object at the center of the Barbie Nebula is a hot pink starship in the shape of a 'curling iron with balls'!"
"Has the author lost his mind!?"
"Furthermore, it is believed that the pilot of this starship is none other than—" Larry squints his eyes and bares his teeth, and the lighting in sickbay darkens for dramatic effect, "Michael Burnham!" thunder sound-effects play over the speakers and the lighting in sickbay strobes to simulate lightning. The lighting then returns to normal.
"Dear god! She has come to destroy us all!" Decker screams.
As he studies the specs, he comes across a size comparison between his ship and the original, pre-refit U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701, most famously commanded by James T. Kirk. Picard-Kirk squints at the indistinguishable array of pixels labeled such. The given length of the "AA" is 12,000 meters, and the original, 288.6456 meters (947 feet).
Picard-Kirk's jaw drops yet again, "Computer, is this comparison accurate!?"
"Affirmative," the computer confirms.
"Damn, this ship is huge!"
"That's what she said!" the computer laughs.
"Don't make me use my baseball bat on you, Computer!" Picard-Kirk threatens.
"Sorry, I'll be good," the computer says sheepishly. Then there is a tone.
Picard-Kirk doesn't look up, "Enter," he says, and Larry does so.
"Hello, Josh."
Picard-Kirk still doesn't look up, "Larry."
Larry studies the ship's dedication plaque, saying, "I would like to let you know that Captain Decker should be ready to return to duty soon."
"That's nice."
Larry then looks back at Picard-Kirk, "What are you doing?"
"I'm comparing sizes."
"Comparing sizes, huh?"
"Not those kinds of sizes, you dolt! Come here and look!"
Larry shrugs and goes to Picard-Kirk's side, "Okay, so it's the Enterprise."
Picard-Kirk points at the group of pixels just above it.
"N-C-C-one-seven-oh-one, that is Kirk's Enterprise, isn't it?"
"Yep."
"Whoa! Kirk's Enterprise is tiny!"
"That's what she—"
"Computer!" Picard-Kirk interrupts.
"Sorry."
"Admiral Picard-Kirk, please report to the bridge. We are approaching the ship at the center of the cloud," Rona's voice comes over the intercom.
"On my way," Picard-Kirk closes the channel and dismisses Larry, who begins to leave, "Oh, and Larry, keep Steve in an induced coma until further notice," Picard-Kirk orders.
Larry stops to look at Picard-Kirk, "What!?"
"Just do it!"
Picard-Kirk arrives on the bridge while Larry returns to sickbay.
Rona stands, "Admiral on the bridge!"
"As you were, Rona, and sit in Steve's chair. I'm making you the acting first officer."
"But, Larry just told me—"
"Forget what he said. Officially, Steve is in a coma and may not wake for a while."
"A lie?"
"Just shut up and sit down!"
"Very well, sir, but under protest."
Picard-Kirk then turns to his daughter, "Molly, put the ship on screen," he orders, and something that resembles a gigantic pair of hot pink spheres appears.
Picard-Kirk sighs, "Why do I get the feeling that I know what this is?"
"Sir, we are being hailed again," Sonic reports.
"Open a channel."
"All right, I know what you're thinking, so I'm just going to cut to the chase and upload the schematics of my ship to your computers. But I warn you, you may not like what you see," the ship's pilot cautions them.
"We are receiving the data now, Admiral—oh, my!" Molly does her "best" George Takei impression.
"Just put it on screen, Molly," Picard-Kirk orders, and schematics of a starship resembling a giant "curling iron" with a pair of "balls" appear on screen.
Picard-Kirk throws up his hands, "Any semblance of dignity this parody may have had has just been blown out into space!" Picard-Kirk then sees the length of the ship, "Sixty-nine kilometers!? Of course!"
"That's it! I'm outta here!" Sonic says. He pushes a button on his mobile emitter, deactivating himself. The emitter hits the floor, the sound of which wakes Tubman. After seeing what is on screen, Tubman grabs her portable music player, gets up from her station, hands Picard-Kirk her combadge, picks up Sonic's mobile emitter, and leaves the bridge.
Picard-Kirk sighs, "I can't say that I blame them."
"Come on in. Don't be shy," the pilot invites, and a circular diaphragm shutter door opens above the ship's "balls".
Captain's log, we have found the object at the center of the Barbie Nebula. It is a gigantic, hot pink starship in the shape of a "curling iron with balls", and it is 69 kilometers in length. Yes, you heard correctly. For those who, for some reason, want to know what that equates to in the old "Imperial" system of measurement, that is about 42.87 miles. Anyway, the pilot of the ship hailed us and invited us to go inside via a circular diaphragm shutter door at the aft of the ship.
Half the crew has left the ship in shuttles, protesting the turn of events. Lieutenant Henrietta Annie Clarabel Tubman and Lieutenant Commander Sonic the Hedgehog are among them. Those of the senior staff who remain are myself, Captain William Stephen Decker, Commander Rona Burton, Lieutenant Commander Monique Evette La Forge, and Dr. Larry Christopher Burton. I have promoted Lieutenants Molly and Polly Picard-Kirk to members of the senior staff to replace Sonic and Tubman. Molly will continue to man the helm, and Polly will take over the tactical station.
Captain Decker is currently unconscious after suffering cranial trauma. He apparently hit his head on a low-hanging transversal pipe in the corridor on the way to his quarters. Dr. Burton will alert me when Captain Decker wakes up. For now, Commander Rona Burton will be acting as my first officer.
After Picard-Kirk ends his log entry, Rona speaks, "Sir, there are no low-hanging transversal pipes in the ship's corridors. Moreover, assaulting a subordinate and lying in an official report are serious offenses."
"Noted, Commander," Picard-Kirk says without looking at Rona.
Decker wakes up on a biobed in sickbay. The remaining sickbay staff have been dismissed by Larry.
"Computer, seal the room, and deactivate all surveillance systems," Larry orders.
"What is the authorization code?" the computer requests.
"Ding-dong! The rogue intelligence agency is dead!" Larry replies.
"Room sealed; all surveillance systems deactivated," the computer says.
"What's going on? Why am I here in sickbay?" Decker wonders.
"You were knocked unconscious by your commanding officer," Larry says.
"I see. Why did you seal the room and turn off the surveillance systems?"
"There is something that you must know, Captain."
"Call me Steve, please."
"Whatever. Have you ever wondered why Rona and I are aboard this ship?"
"You were stationed on this ship's predecessor and are friends with Admiral Picard-Kirk?"
"Well, that, and something a bit more, how shall we say, covert."
"Egad! You and Rona are members of Section Thirty-One, aren't you?"
"Fool! Section Thirty-One was disbanded centuries ago! Who do you think the 'rogue intelligence agency' in the authorization code refers to!?"
"Oh."
"Anyway, Captain Ahab and Starfleet Intelligence believe that this whole 'Barbie Nebula' business is part of an elaborate scheme orchestrated by Admiral Kurtzman to ruin our commanding officer's reputation and career."
"Seriously!? Admiral Picard-Kirk's bad reputation precedes him! His 'career' is as big a joke as mine! What's there to ruin!?"
"Search me, but apparently, Kurtzman is jealous of Josh!"
"Why!?"
"Who knows!? Anyway, it is also believed that Kurtzman is co-conspiring with the entity at the helm of this overgrown adult toy—"
"Overgrown adult toy!?"
"Oh, sorry, you were unconscious. It turns out that the object at the center of the Barbie Nebula is a hot pink starship in the shape of a 'curling iron with balls'!"
"Has the author lost his mind!?"
"Furthermore, it is believed that the pilot of this starship is none other than—" Larry squints his eyes and bares his teeth, and the lighting in sickbay darkens for dramatic effect, "Michael Burnham!" thunder sound-effects play over the speakers and the lighting in sickbay strobes to simulate lightning. The lighting then returns to normal.
"Dear god! She has come to destroy us all!" Decker screams.
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