Categories > TV > Star Trek: The Original Series > Star Infinity
Chapter VI
0 reviewsThe Enterprise intercepts the so-called "Barbie Nebula" and is invited inside for tea and crumpets (okay, not really).
0Unrated
Captain's log, the Enterprise has escaped the wormhole. Until the kinks in the hyperwarp drive can be worked out, the Enterprise will travel at maximum hyper-impulse.
Sonic's console beeps, "Admiral, another ship is approaching. It's the U-S-S Fairy Princess."
"Ms. Tubman, please hail them," Picard-Kirk orders.
"Sir, Tubman is in sickbay. She had a panic attack when we encountered the wormhole, and Doc Burton had to sedate her," Sonic reports.
"Whatever! Just hail them!" Picard-Kirk shouts.
Sonic complies, and the captain of the Fairy Princess appears on the viewscreen, "Dear god, it's Joshua Picard-Kirk! Who the hell thought it'd be a good idea to put you in command of a starship, let alone the Enterprise!?" the captain of the Fairy Princess wonders aloud.
Picard-Kirk's lip twitches in irritation, but he resists the urge to lash out, saying, "Greetings, Captain, can you do us a favor?"
"A favor?"
"Yes, you see, our port hyperwarp nacelle was damaged, and last time we went to hyperwarp, we encountered a wormhole. We are currently traveling at maximum hyper-impulse, and we were wondering if you could help us get our hyperwarp drive back in working order."
The captain mulls it over, "All right, I don't suppose we have anything else better to do, but can you do us a favor in return?"
"What's that?" Picard-Kirk inquires.
"Take the damned crew and escape pods from Zeta Ten! Our ship is not equipped to carry a space station's crew complement in addition to the standard crew, and we've almost completely filled the cargobays and shuttlebays with their damned escape pods! Not only that, they are driving us bonkers!" the captain of the Fairy Princess raises their voice, almost shouting, which startles some of the bridge crew behind them.
Somewhere in deep space, the Enterprise deactivates its hyper-impulse drive, as the Fairy Princess drops from hyperwarp. Zeta X's crew complement, escape pods, and some engineers from the Fairy Princess are beamed to the Enterprise. The Fairy Princess then heads back to Earth at hyperwarp.
"What!? They're leaving us behind, on a ship whose commanding officer is a moron!? I am seriously considering filing a complaint!" one of the engineers protests.
Lieutenant Tubman and Dr. Larry Burton enter the bridge, coming to Picard-Kirk's side.
"Could you use another hand, Admiral?" Tubman inquires.
Picard-Kirk shrugs, "I guess."
Tubman resumes her station, putting in her earphones to listen to her portable music player again. Larry leaves for sickbay. Sonic, however, does not deactivate his console's ability to use communications, as he has a feeling that Tubman will be too busy listening to her portable music player to notice anything.
"How she got through the academy, I have no idea," Sonic thinks to himself.
Captain's log, the engineers from the Fairy Princess have helped to get our hyperwarp drive back up to full capacity.
"Uh, sir?"
"Rona, what have I told you about interrupting my log entries?"
"Excuse me, sir, but since we technically only have three nacelles operational, the hyperwarp drive cannot really be considered to be 'up to full capacity'."
Picard-Kirk sighs and continues his log entry.
My science officer informs me that we cannot technically consider the hyperwarp drive to be at full capacity, due to there being only three nacelles in operation. Therefore, I correct my previous statement by saying that the drive is up to about 75% capacity.
"Is that satisfactory, Commander?"
"Yes, sir."
Anyway, we are about to intercept the Barbie Nebula—
"Uh, sir?"
"Damn it, Molly! Can I not finish a log entry!?"
"Sorry, sir, but the Barbie Nebula is already here. It is moving toward us at hyper-impulse speeds," Molly states and turns on the main viewscreen.
"I'll be damned . . ." Picard-Kirk says and ends his log entry.
"Oo, pretty," Decker opines. Picard-Kirk promptly smacks him on the back of the head, "Ow! Hey, don't make me sic my parents on you! Or my ancestor: he's the Borg King, you know."
"Oh, I am quivering in my boots!" Picard-Kirk responds sarcastically.
"The cloud has stopped, sir," Molly reports.
"And we are being hailed by something at the center of the cloud, audio only," Sonic reports, surprised.
"Ahem, why isn't Ms. Tubman informing me of this?" Picard-Kirk inquires. Sonic uses his right thumb to point behind him to Tubman, who is asleep at her console. Picard-Kirk rolls his eyes in disgust, "Just open a damned channel!"
Sonic pushes a button, "Channel open."
"This is Admiral Joshua Picard-Kirk of the Suprederation Starship Enterprise. You have committed an act of aggression against the United Suprederation of Galaxies. If you don't withdraw immediately—"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just come inside already," a distorted but recognizably feminine voice comes over the intercom.
"Oh-ho! We're skipping the foreplay!" Decker jokes.
"You know, Steve, I think you ought to go to sickbay," Picard-Kirk suggests.
"Why?"
Picard-Kirk pulls a wooden baseball bat out of nowhere and whacks Decker on the head. The first officer falls out of his chair, unconscious.
"That's why," Picard-Kirk then pushes a button on his command chair, "Larry, please report to the bridge with a stretcher."
Molly turns around. Seeing the bat, "Where'd the baseball bat come from?"
"Was that necessary?" Rona wonders.
Picard-Kirk mulls it over, "Yes—yes it was."
"Excuse me?" the distorted voice returns.
"Oh, right, well, first, who are you?" Picard-Kirk wonders.
"I am the pilot of the starship at the center of this cloud."
"I see. Why'd you disintegrate two of our starships and one of our comm stations?"
"I guess you could say that it was a 'misunderstanding', but then again, you do remember what parody you are in, don't you?"
"Yeah, yeah, anyway, Molly, just take us in already. Sonic, close the channel," Picard-Kirk orders.
Larry and some aides with an anti-grav stretcher then enter the bridge.
"Okay, Josh, what is it—oh—what happened?"
"Decker accidentally hit himself with a baseball bat," Picard-Kirk lies, the bat still in his hand.
Larry studies the bat, "Decker accidentally hit himself . . . ?"
"Yeah, weirdest thing I ever saw."
Larry looks around at everyone else on the bridge, but they remain silent. Larry just shakes his head, directs the aides to put Decker on the stretcher, and they leave.
Sonic's console beeps, "Admiral, another ship is approaching. It's the U-S-S Fairy Princess."
"Ms. Tubman, please hail them," Picard-Kirk orders.
"Sir, Tubman is in sickbay. She had a panic attack when we encountered the wormhole, and Doc Burton had to sedate her," Sonic reports.
"Whatever! Just hail them!" Picard-Kirk shouts.
Sonic complies, and the captain of the Fairy Princess appears on the viewscreen, "Dear god, it's Joshua Picard-Kirk! Who the hell thought it'd be a good idea to put you in command of a starship, let alone the Enterprise!?" the captain of the Fairy Princess wonders aloud.
Picard-Kirk's lip twitches in irritation, but he resists the urge to lash out, saying, "Greetings, Captain, can you do us a favor?"
"A favor?"
"Yes, you see, our port hyperwarp nacelle was damaged, and last time we went to hyperwarp, we encountered a wormhole. We are currently traveling at maximum hyper-impulse, and we were wondering if you could help us get our hyperwarp drive back in working order."
The captain mulls it over, "All right, I don't suppose we have anything else better to do, but can you do us a favor in return?"
"What's that?" Picard-Kirk inquires.
"Take the damned crew and escape pods from Zeta Ten! Our ship is not equipped to carry a space station's crew complement in addition to the standard crew, and we've almost completely filled the cargobays and shuttlebays with their damned escape pods! Not only that, they are driving us bonkers!" the captain of the Fairy Princess raises their voice, almost shouting, which startles some of the bridge crew behind them.
Somewhere in deep space, the Enterprise deactivates its hyper-impulse drive, as the Fairy Princess drops from hyperwarp. Zeta X's crew complement, escape pods, and some engineers from the Fairy Princess are beamed to the Enterprise. The Fairy Princess then heads back to Earth at hyperwarp.
"What!? They're leaving us behind, on a ship whose commanding officer is a moron!? I am seriously considering filing a complaint!" one of the engineers protests.
Lieutenant Tubman and Dr. Larry Burton enter the bridge, coming to Picard-Kirk's side.
"Could you use another hand, Admiral?" Tubman inquires.
Picard-Kirk shrugs, "I guess."
Tubman resumes her station, putting in her earphones to listen to her portable music player again. Larry leaves for sickbay. Sonic, however, does not deactivate his console's ability to use communications, as he has a feeling that Tubman will be too busy listening to her portable music player to notice anything.
"How she got through the academy, I have no idea," Sonic thinks to himself.
Captain's log, the engineers from the Fairy Princess have helped to get our hyperwarp drive back up to full capacity.
"Uh, sir?"
"Rona, what have I told you about interrupting my log entries?"
"Excuse me, sir, but since we technically only have three nacelles operational, the hyperwarp drive cannot really be considered to be 'up to full capacity'."
Picard-Kirk sighs and continues his log entry.
My science officer informs me that we cannot technically consider the hyperwarp drive to be at full capacity, due to there being only three nacelles in operation. Therefore, I correct my previous statement by saying that the drive is up to about 75% capacity.
"Is that satisfactory, Commander?"
"Yes, sir."
Anyway, we are about to intercept the Barbie Nebula—
"Uh, sir?"
"Damn it, Molly! Can I not finish a log entry!?"
"Sorry, sir, but the Barbie Nebula is already here. It is moving toward us at hyper-impulse speeds," Molly states and turns on the main viewscreen.
"I'll be damned . . ." Picard-Kirk says and ends his log entry.
"Oo, pretty," Decker opines. Picard-Kirk promptly smacks him on the back of the head, "Ow! Hey, don't make me sic my parents on you! Or my ancestor: he's the Borg King, you know."
"Oh, I am quivering in my boots!" Picard-Kirk responds sarcastically.
"The cloud has stopped, sir," Molly reports.
"And we are being hailed by something at the center of the cloud, audio only," Sonic reports, surprised.
"Ahem, why isn't Ms. Tubman informing me of this?" Picard-Kirk inquires. Sonic uses his right thumb to point behind him to Tubman, who is asleep at her console. Picard-Kirk rolls his eyes in disgust, "Just open a damned channel!"
Sonic pushes a button, "Channel open."
"This is Admiral Joshua Picard-Kirk of the Suprederation Starship Enterprise. You have committed an act of aggression against the United Suprederation of Galaxies. If you don't withdraw immediately—"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just come inside already," a distorted but recognizably feminine voice comes over the intercom.
"Oh-ho! We're skipping the foreplay!" Decker jokes.
"You know, Steve, I think you ought to go to sickbay," Picard-Kirk suggests.
"Why?"
Picard-Kirk pulls a wooden baseball bat out of nowhere and whacks Decker on the head. The first officer falls out of his chair, unconscious.
"That's why," Picard-Kirk then pushes a button on his command chair, "Larry, please report to the bridge with a stretcher."
Molly turns around. Seeing the bat, "Where'd the baseball bat come from?"
"Was that necessary?" Rona wonders.
Picard-Kirk mulls it over, "Yes—yes it was."
"Excuse me?" the distorted voice returns.
"Oh, right, well, first, who are you?" Picard-Kirk wonders.
"I am the pilot of the starship at the center of this cloud."
"I see. Why'd you disintegrate two of our starships and one of our comm stations?"
"I guess you could say that it was a 'misunderstanding', but then again, you do remember what parody you are in, don't you?"
"Yeah, yeah, anyway, Molly, just take us in already. Sonic, close the channel," Picard-Kirk orders.
Larry and some aides with an anti-grav stretcher then enter the bridge.
"Okay, Josh, what is it—oh—what happened?"
"Decker accidentally hit himself with a baseball bat," Picard-Kirk lies, the bat still in his hand.
Larry studies the bat, "Decker accidentally hit himself . . . ?"
"Yeah, weirdest thing I ever saw."
Larry looks around at everyone else on the bridge, but they remain silent. Larry just shakes his head, directs the aides to put Decker on the stretcher, and they leave.
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