Categories > TV > Star Trek: The Original Series > Star Infinity
Extra: Temporal Shenanigans
0 reviewsJoshua Picard-Kirk learns an interesting fact about his ancestry.
0Unrated
Note: This is based on an older version of Star Infinity. It is recommended to read the alternate Sonic the Hedgehog hologram backstory first.
It is a dark and rainy night in Marseille, France; Joshua Picard‑Kirk sleeps is at home in bed.
"You have visitors," the computer announces, waking him.
"At this time of night? Turn on the lights, and put them on screen," Picard‑Kirk orders as he sits up on the side of the bed. The lights come on, and two stoic agents in black suits and sunglasses appear on the desktop monitor on his nightstand. They resemble actors Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith as they appeared in Men in Black.
"Hello, I am Temporal Agent Jones, and this is my associate, Temporal Agent Smith. Are you Admiral Picard‑Kirk?"
"That's me," Picard‑Kirk confirms.
Jones apologizes, "Sorry to disturb you at this late hour, sir, but we are with the Starfleet Department of Temporal Affairs, and we need to talk."
"Temporal affairs? As in time travel? I thought most forms of time travel were made impossible after Q—"
The Q resembling 20th‑ and 21st‑century actor John de Lancie then appears in a flash of light. He wears an earlier variant of a 24th‑century Starfleet command uniform with four rank pips, as it appeared in "Encounter at Farpoint".
"Pardon me, my good narrator, but that was a brilliant flash of light in which I appeared! Anyway, did I hear my name?" Q grins mischievously.
Whatever, anyhow, Picard‑Kirk notices that the agents on the desktop monitor are frozen in place, as if time is standing still for them. Suddenly, the Morgan Freeman hologram, wearing a mobile emitter, beams in.
"What are you doing here?" Picard‑Kirk wonders.
"There is a narrative emergency. Someone needs to tell the readers why most forms of time travel are impossible in the thirty‑fourth century," the Freeman hologram answers.
"And while I'm sure that our 'regular' narrator would do just fine, their voice just is not as—how shall I say—melodic as Mr. Freeman's is," Q adds.
Why does it even matter? The readers can't hear us anyway!
"True, but the readers can still imagine that they are hearing his voice, can they not?"
I just hate you, Q.
"I know. Anyway, story time!" a party favor appears in a flash of light in Q's hand, and it pops. He then clears his throat.
All right, all right! It was a brilliant flash of light! Yeesh!
Greetings, I am once again Morgan Freeman. Today, we will be discussing why most time travel in the 34th century is impossible. It happened shortly after the foundation of the Suprederation and the discovery of the "Artifact" on Angel Island.
In a brilliant flash of light, a bag of popcorn spawns in Q's hands, "Oh, my favorite part is coming up," he says as he eats a handful of popcorn.
"Can I have some popcorn?" Picard‑Kirk wonders.
"Hmm, no," Q answers.
"Aw."
The discovery of the Artifact prompted a group of extremists to attempt to alter history. Their goal was to prevent the election of Ronald Hump as the Suprederation governor of Earth in favor of Malorie Denton.
"Here it comes," Q smiles as he eats some more popcorn.
Ronald Hump got on his knees, begging Q to appear before him. Heeding his call, Q did so. Governor Hump subsequently begged him to prevent the extremists from altering history. Q mulled it over and snapped his fingers—
"—which rendered the Artifact inert, caused temporal drives on timeships to stop working, and made slingshot‑maneuvers impractical!" Q laughs, "Ah, good times, good times."
"Wait a minute, then how did the Artifact work when the holograms came back in time?" Picard Kirk wonders.
"The 'temporal blockage' will have ended by then; don't worry. Well, since storytime is over, I guess that I will be going," Q says and disappears.
"And I will be off as well," the Morgan Freeman hologram says and beams out. The temporal agents on the desktop monitor then "unfreeze".
Agent Smith asks, "May we come in?"
"Yes," Picard‑Kirk confirms. They meet in the living room. Picard‑Kirk sits on the couch. "Please sit down," he offers the agents, and they do so, sitting in separate chairs. "What is this all about? I'm not in trouble, am I?" he wonders.
"Not at all. Admiral, how closely have you studied your genealogy?" Agent Smith wonders.
"All I know is that I descend from James T. Kirk and Jean‑Luc Picard. I mean, look at my surname."
"Well, Temporal Affairs recently discovered something of an 'anomaly' in your genealogy. It turns out that you are your own ancestor."
"Say what now?"
"More precisely, a clone of you is your ancestor," Agent Jones clarifies. Picard‑Kirk stares at them and then looks at the calendar to make sure it is not April Fool's Day.
Agent Jones continues, "According to our data, at some later date, a clone of you will be created and sent back in time to ensure your existence. The clone will be sent to the twenty‑fifth century during the events of Star Trek Online."*
"Damn it! I swore that I would never get involved with an M‑M‑O!" Picard‑Kirk curses.
It is a dark and rainy night in Marseille, France; Joshua Picard‑Kirk sleeps is at home in bed.
"You have visitors," the computer announces, waking him.
"At this time of night? Turn on the lights, and put them on screen," Picard‑Kirk orders as he sits up on the side of the bed. The lights come on, and two stoic agents in black suits and sunglasses appear on the desktop monitor on his nightstand. They resemble actors Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith as they appeared in Men in Black.
"Hello, I am Temporal Agent Jones, and this is my associate, Temporal Agent Smith. Are you Admiral Picard‑Kirk?"
"That's me," Picard‑Kirk confirms.
Jones apologizes, "Sorry to disturb you at this late hour, sir, but we are with the Starfleet Department of Temporal Affairs, and we need to talk."
"Temporal affairs? As in time travel? I thought most forms of time travel were made impossible after Q—"
The Q resembling 20th‑ and 21st‑century actor John de Lancie then appears in a flash of light. He wears an earlier variant of a 24th‑century Starfleet command uniform with four rank pips, as it appeared in "Encounter at Farpoint".
"Pardon me, my good narrator, but that was a brilliant flash of light in which I appeared! Anyway, did I hear my name?" Q grins mischievously.
Whatever, anyhow, Picard‑Kirk notices that the agents on the desktop monitor are frozen in place, as if time is standing still for them. Suddenly, the Morgan Freeman hologram, wearing a mobile emitter, beams in.
"What are you doing here?" Picard‑Kirk wonders.
"There is a narrative emergency. Someone needs to tell the readers why most forms of time travel are impossible in the thirty‑fourth century," the Freeman hologram answers.
"And while I'm sure that our 'regular' narrator would do just fine, their voice just is not as—how shall I say—melodic as Mr. Freeman's is," Q adds.
Why does it even matter? The readers can't hear us anyway!
"True, but the readers can still imagine that they are hearing his voice, can they not?"
I just hate you, Q.
"I know. Anyway, story time!" a party favor appears in a flash of light in Q's hand, and it pops. He then clears his throat.
All right, all right! It was a brilliant flash of light! Yeesh!
Greetings, I am once again Morgan Freeman. Today, we will be discussing why most time travel in the 34th century is impossible. It happened shortly after the foundation of the Suprederation and the discovery of the "Artifact" on Angel Island.
In a brilliant flash of light, a bag of popcorn spawns in Q's hands, "Oh, my favorite part is coming up," he says as he eats a handful of popcorn.
"Can I have some popcorn?" Picard‑Kirk wonders.
"Hmm, no," Q answers.
"Aw."
The discovery of the Artifact prompted a group of extremists to attempt to alter history. Their goal was to prevent the election of Ronald Hump as the Suprederation governor of Earth in favor of Malorie Denton.
"Here it comes," Q smiles as he eats some more popcorn.
Ronald Hump got on his knees, begging Q to appear before him. Heeding his call, Q did so. Governor Hump subsequently begged him to prevent the extremists from altering history. Q mulled it over and snapped his fingers—
"—which rendered the Artifact inert, caused temporal drives on timeships to stop working, and made slingshot‑maneuvers impractical!" Q laughs, "Ah, good times, good times."
"Wait a minute, then how did the Artifact work when the holograms came back in time?" Picard Kirk wonders.
"The 'temporal blockage' will have ended by then; don't worry. Well, since storytime is over, I guess that I will be going," Q says and disappears.
"And I will be off as well," the Morgan Freeman hologram says and beams out. The temporal agents on the desktop monitor then "unfreeze".
Agent Smith asks, "May we come in?"
"Yes," Picard‑Kirk confirms. They meet in the living room. Picard‑Kirk sits on the couch. "Please sit down," he offers the agents, and they do so, sitting in separate chairs. "What is this all about? I'm not in trouble, am I?" he wonders.
"Not at all. Admiral, how closely have you studied your genealogy?" Agent Smith wonders.
"All I know is that I descend from James T. Kirk and Jean‑Luc Picard. I mean, look at my surname."
"Well, Temporal Affairs recently discovered something of an 'anomaly' in your genealogy. It turns out that you are your own ancestor."
"Say what now?"
"More precisely, a clone of you is your ancestor," Agent Jones clarifies. Picard‑Kirk stares at them and then looks at the calendar to make sure it is not April Fool's Day.
Agent Jones continues, "According to our data, at some later date, a clone of you will be created and sent back in time to ensure your existence. The clone will be sent to the twenty‑fifth century during the events of Star Trek Online."*
"Damn it! I swore that I would never get involved with an M‑M‑O!" Picard‑Kirk curses.
* One of my characters in Star Trek Online was based on Joshua Picard-Kirk. Star Trek Online takes place in the 25th century, so to explain the character's presence therein, I wrote in his biography that he was a clone sent back in time to ensure Picard-Kirk's existence. He was also simply named "Joshua" and was mind-wiped such that he had to go through the academy again.
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