Categories > Cartoons > Delilah and Julius
Jack Harris Movie Star
0 reviewsCharlie and Pim from Smiling Friends convince Jack Harris he's going to be a famous star.
0Unrated
Story: Jack Harris Movie Star
by: Zoey Webber
At a charity business place that is dedicated to making people smile. There were two employees there. The cynical Charlie and the more optimistic Pim. Charlie and Pim could not find someone to make smile today.
PIM: What should we do today, Charlie?
CHARLIE: I don't know. You think my brain is made of ideas?
Going to a television screen, Pim begins to channel surf.
PIM: Hmmm, nope, nope, nope, nope....
CHARLIE: Channel surfing. The number one cure of boredom.
Searching though the channels on the television. Pim sees Duncanville. Then he spots Jack.
PIM: EUREKA!
CHARLIE: Think you found something.
PIM: Yes I have. This is that show that was on for three season on FOX! Duncanville!
CHARLIE: Thought that was Bless The Harts there for a minute.
PIM: What I think we should do is go to Duncanville, and make the Dad smile today.
CHARLIE: How are we going to do that, exactly?
PIM: We'll convince him that we're going to make him a movie star!
CHARLIE: I'm listening.
PIM: We can pretend we're talent agents and the Dad will fall for our trick!
CHARLIE: Great! We can make it look like an accident and collect the insurance money! I'm all for that! Hey, wait. What is the name of the Dad?
Going though his laptop to look up Duncanville, Pim does some research.
PIM: Jack Harris!
CHARLIE: Okay! Duncanville it is! Is that the name of the town where they live?
PIM: No, it's actually Oakdale. Might be in New England.
CHARLIE: Here we go!
In Oakdale at the Harris household. Duncan, Kimberly, Jing, and Annie were having breakfast. Jack was in the shower.
ANNIE: Duncan! I am very disapointed in you young man!
DUNCAN: OH NO! It's only 8:30 in the morning and I'm already in trouble?
KIMBERLY: Enjoy your freedom while you can. laughs
DUNCAN: HA HA HA! Hilarious, Kimberly! Maybe I'll laugh at you next time you get in....
ANNIE: STOP THAT YOU TWO! Anyway, Why did you wash Banjo's dog dish in with the dishes?
JING: I think Duncan needs to learn a lesson from Gordon Ramsey.
DUNCAN: But we use anitbacterial soap, I didn't think it made a difference.
ANNIE: Dogs have different germs than us. It's not sanitary to clean dog dishes with our own. I'll let you off with a warning.
DUNCAN: Fair enough. Have Kimberly do the dishes from now on.
KIMBERLY: I resent that!
In the master bedroom, Jack just got done with his shower. Charlie and Pim were waiting.
CHARLIE: Let's wait until he puts on his clothes.
PIM: Good call.
JACK: I am going to have fun today! Got the day off and I am going to watch The Who's Tommy on a streaming service!
Putting on his clothes, Jack gets ready to go downstairs. Just in time to be stopped by Charlie and Pim.
CHARLIE: Hello, Jack!
PIM: Greetings, Mr. Harris.
JACK: AAAHHHH! Who are you guys? Oh, I know. You're going to be like the Great Gazoo for me? Friends with powers that only I can see?
CHARLIE: No quite. We're actually talent agents.
JACK: Talent agents? This day is getting better already!
PIM: You see Jack Harris. We came to you for a reason.
JACK: A reason hey? What may it be?
CHARLIE: I think you have the charisma and the charm.....
PIM: In fact, you got what it takes to be a star.
JACK: A star? You guys going to have me go on tour with the Rolling Stones? I even wrote a couple songs I'd like to them to sing!
PIM: Better than that, my friend.
CHARLIE: You're going to be in a movie!
JACK: A Movie! Awesome! Where do I sign?
CHARLIE: When you're done with your morning routine. Meet us outside.
PIM: We'll begin filming then.
Charlie and Pim hand Jack a contract that he signs.
JACK: Excellent! I can't wait to tell my family the great news.
Rushing downstairs to join his family for breakfast, Jack is happy and chipper.
ANNIE: Wow, Jack! I love seeing you so happy.
JACK: That's because today is the first day for the rest of my life!
KIMBERLY: I saw you texted that sentence to Mia on your phone last night!
DUNCAN: Stay out of my private stuff!
KIMBERLY: MAKE ME!
ANNIE: HEY! Settle down! Don't you want to know why your Dad is happy today?
JING: Tell us what has you so happy, Daddy. I am dying to know.
JACK: I just ran into two talent agents today!
ANNIE: That's wonderful Jack. Where did you meet them?
JACK: Oh, uh, they reached me on my laptop.
KIMBERLY: We thought we heard you upstairs talking to someone.
JACK: Anyhoo, these talent agents are going to have me star in a movie!
ANNIE: A movie! This is exciting.
DUNCAN: If my Dad's a movie star. Imagine what that could mean for me!
Having a daydream, Duncan imagines himself walking to school as his friends Bex, Wolf, and Yangzi all give him the red carpet treatment.
KIMBERLY: Our dad in a movie? This'll be good even for me. The ABC Girls will want to hang out with me instead of making fun of me.
JACK: I already have everything planned. We'll all move to Beverly Hills. Duncan, Kimberly, and Jing will go to a private school where they're going to get so spoiled....
ANNIE: Hang on there, Jack. Don't start painting with a broad brush there. Not all movie stars or celebrities have to live in Beverly Hills.
DUNCAN: Good point, Mom. I like where I'm living.
KIMBERLY: I love it here, too. You know, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore moved to Idaho.
DUNCAN: You keep up with celebrities that are not of your generation?
KIMBERLY: I like to keep up with celebrities. So what? Who cares? It's a hobby!
JACK: Okay. Forget Beverly Hills. We can stay here in Oakdale when my career takes off.
ANNIE: Good thinking. Keep us grounded and kids need stability!
KIMBERLY: Try telling that to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
DUNCAN: How many people your age know about them?
ANNIE: When do you begin?
JING: Hope it's not too soon.
JACK: Actually, after we eat breakfast.
JING: Oh no. I know this is going to be too good to be true.
ANNIE: It probably is, Jing.
JACK: You know what? Forget staying here! We'll move to Ohio if my acting career takes off!
ANNIE: WHAT?! Oh......
KIMBERLY: That's where Geraldo lives.
DUNCAN: Not to East Palestine I hope!
JING laughs: You guys are so gullible! Daddy was just ripping on us!
Jack, Annie, Duncan, Kimberly, and Jing all got done eating their breakfast. Jack goes outside and meets Charlie and Pim.
CHARLIE: Good day starts with a good breakfast!
JACK: I'm up and at them and ready to go!
PIM: Who used to say that, Tony the Tiger or Wilfred Brimley?
JACK: Doesn't matter. We going to do this or what?
PIM: We begin right now.
JACK: But first, I thought I'd ask. Where's the camera?
CHARLIE: Oh, uh...it's hidden. In that Sara Lee bread truck over there! points across the street to the bread truck
JACK: I can accept that. What should I do first?
Annie, Duncan, Kimberly, and Jing all watch Jack perform outside for Charlie and Pim.
DUNCAN: Those 'talent agents' sure don't look like people.
KIMBERLY: You're right. They don't. They look like something out of PBS Kids.
JING: Or those Adult Swim shows.
ANNIE: Let's watch and see what they're up to.
CHARLIE: All right. This is the climax of the film.
PIM: That's right. In the movie business, always film the ending first.
CHARLIE: The first thing we want you to do is be the hero, and you're on your way to meet the girl!
PIM: When suddenly a step off the curve! WHAMO! You are struck down by a speeding car!
JACK: Isn't that kind of dangerous?
CHARLIE: No, it actually misses and swerves then misses you at the last minute.
JACK: Gotcha!
PIM: Well, go ahead, cross the street!
Jack acrosses the street halfway, Pim goes into the car and is ready to drive.
CHARLIE: Get ready, Pim!
Jack is about to walk across the street again, then comes back to Charlie.
CHARLIE: What is it now?
JACK: Yes, just thought I'd ask this but why is your friend over there the one who's going to hit me?
CHARLIE: I guess I can explain. Not only is Pim another Tennessee Williams, he also happens to be one of the greatest stunt drivers in Hollywood!
JACK: Now I know where those stunts from Gone In 60 Seconds came from!
CHARLIE: Exactly! Now cross the street! gives signal to Pim OKAY PIM!
Pim charges up the car and speeds in Jack's direction. Jack waves hello to Pim, walks right back to the corner with Charlie.
ANNIE: Jack is doing very good for his first time acting.
DUNCAN: If he can do it, anyone can.
JACK: Oh, yes. Charlie is it?
CHARLIE: More questions?
JACK: You forgot to say 'roll them' and all that kind of stuff.
CHARLIE: Can't forget that, can we!
Pim drives back to where Jack and Charlie are. Pim drives backwards to shoot the scene again.
CHARLIE: Let's go again, Pim! Roll 'em!
Pim charged at Jack in the car, and then Pim ran over an open manhole that hasn't been noticed before. The car's tires got stuck in the manhole that sent Pim flying out of the car.
CHARLIE: PIM!!! You're like Alma from Undone!
PIM flying into the air: WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!!
Thankfully, Pim landed in a mailbox which left Charlie feeling frustrated.
JACK: Want to know something, Charlie?
CHARLIE: What Harris?
JACK: If Pim there doesn't write any better than he drives. We'll be in big trouble.
CHARLIE: Yeah, no shit!
JACK: Want me to shoot another scene?
CHARLIE: No, tomorrow we'll begin again. This time from your workplace.
JACK: You mean the plumbing place where I work.
CHARLIE: That will be a perfect place to shoot our next scene.
JACK: You got it!
Going back inside to join his family, Jack tells them about the next scene to be shot.
KIMBERLY: We saw you, Dad! You were great out there!
JING: Now remember, Daddy. Fame and fortune isn't everything you know.
ANNIE: You were good out there, Jack. But there's something about this I just do not trust.
DUNCAN: Was it the car slipping into the manhole? That was my favorite part!
JACK: It all seems legit from my point of view.
ANNIE: I didn't really like how those two made you cross the street only to have to get hit by a car.
JACK: Wasn't real you know.
ANNIE: Another thing I noticed is where were the cameras? Or the whole crew? Or a clipper board? How come they're not sitting in director's chairs? Ever thought of that?
JACK: Charlie told me they were hidden in a bread truck.
ANNIE: Sorry to say this, but I still don't trust any of this.
DUNCAN: That's just typical Mom. Always has to put a damper on our fun!
JACK: What's not to trust about this, Annie.
ANNIE: It looked very dangerous and something or someone could've gotten hurt.
KIMBERLY: Maybe Mom thinks you'll crash into a mailbox like that pink dude did.
JACK: For your information hat pink dude's name is Pim. He happens to be the best stunt drive in Hollywood.
ANNIE: How come nobody on celebrity gossip sites on the internet ever bragged about this "Pim"! Can't believe you're falling for this bullshit!
JACK: I'm sticking with it and you can't stop me.
ANNIE: I've decided. I'll let you go on with this for one more day. If anything goes wrong, you're outta there! Got me?
JACK: Sure thing, Annie.
The next day, Jack was getting ready to go shoot the next scene at his Plumber Agency. Annie, Jing, Kimberly, and Duncan were all watching The Real Teenage Moms of High School.
ANNIE: I would prefer for Jack to be in a reality show like this one.
DUNCAN: Called all my friends and told the good news about my Dad being a movie star! They're all excited for me. I asked them, hey guys, how would you like to meet Austin Butler? Or even better, Lizzo!
ANNIE: What will you tell them when Jack's career doesn't take off?
KIMBERLY: No dangerous stunts on this show, hey Mom?
JACK: Hey, Family! walks in with a script, cigar, sunglasses and a hat.
DUNCAN: Hey, Dad! You're a stunt!
KIMBERLY: Morning, Dad! You're looking so magnificent!
JING: Such glamour!
JACK: Please fans! No autographs!
A book falls out of Jack's pocket. Kimberly goes to get it.
KIMBERLY: The Method Actor?
JACK: You must dig deep to come up with the right character.
DUNCAN: You're telling me. That's how I did that Presidents Play in Preschool.
JACK: Well, I must be going now. kisses Annie Goodbye Annie. We're shooting in my plumber's agency today. I'll try to give you a blast on the horn between takes.
ANNIE: Let us know how it all goes down.
JING: This is the most exciting thing to ever happen. Don't let it go to your head, though.
JACK: Tut tut tut, Jing. When one has talent. One must take these things in stride. Bye all!
As Jack makes his leave. Annie is still suspicious that there's something not right about Jack being in a movie.
ANNIE: Why is he going to his workplace instead of a studio? I just don't get it!
KIMBERLY: Do you want to go incognito and hide away so we can see what all this is about?
ANNIE: Brilliant idea, Kimberly! So I can get to the bottom of this once and for all.
DUNCAN: This'll be cool. We can make a movie of our own! We can be like spies!
Having a daydream, Duncan imagines he, Annie, Kimberly, and Jing in a Spys Like Us style scenario where they are all going to Russia to stop a bomb. Jack was now with Charlie and Pim in the Plumbing Agency where he works. In an office, Charlie and Pim were explaining to Jack what scene will be shot.
CHARLIE: Now, Harris. This is the most crucial scene in the whole flick.
JACK smokes cigar: I'm listening....
PIM: Although it's a simple one!
JACK: Simple?
Annie, Duncan, Kimberly, and Jing were all watching from a window.
CHARLIE: While we're filming you're seated at the desk.
ANNIE: Where are the cameras?
DUNCAN: I'm beginning to agree with you Mom. Where is the clipper board? Where is anything?!
KIMBERLY: This doesn't look like a movie is being made at all! Dad's being played!
JING: Played all right. Played for a fool!
ANNIE: Quiet down! Don't let them hear us!
JACK: Fine! I think I get it. I get up from the desk. Go across the room, swing open that door, and step inside.
PIM: You got it!
CHARLIE: Pim, check that 'private' door.
Pim opens the door that is supposed to be 'private' wasn't a room at all. It was a door that makes people fall. Pim looks down from high up in the building.
JACK: Mind if I ask, what's the motivation?
PIM: Sure, I can explain. You're working here at the office. It's late at night. Then suddenly from the other room, you hear a scream. From your sweetheart of course, then you jump up and run to the door and shout, "I'M COMING DARLING" and you dash inside.
JACK: Ha Ha!
CHARLIE: All right, shall we make it?
JACK: Uh, no.
CHARLIE: NO?!
PIM: What do you, mean no?
CHARLIE: Do you want to be a star or not?
JACK: As they say in Hollywood, 'this doesn't grab me'.
PIM: Yeah, maybe in the 50's and 60's they said that then.
CHARLIE: That phrase don't apply here in 2023!
Duncan looks on his phone at an APP.
ANNIE: What're doing, Dunkie?
DUNCAN: Yangzi had me download an Indentifier APP.
KIMBERLY: What do you hope you'll do with that?
DUNCAN: Find out if these guys really are talent agents.
JING looks at her phone: There's even a news report about that car accident Daddy was almost in.
ANNIE: What does your APP say, Dunkie?
DUNCAN: It says, these guys are not talent agents at all.
KIMBERLY: Yeah, Dad said something about them not looking human.
JING: In the news report, there's a picture of the guys.
ANNIE: Oh my gosh! Whatever could these creatures be up to?
DUNCAN reads from his phone: According to the Indentifier APP, their names are Charlie and Pim. They're from an Adult Swim cartoon called "Smiling Friends".
KIMBERLY: Smiling Friends my ass. They don't seem to be making Dad smile.
ANNIE: Read more.
DUNCAN: They work at a company that dedicated to making people happy. Then they show their true colors by making whoever smiles and happy becomes the victim of an accident so they can collect the insurance!
ANNIE: That big dumbass Jack signed a contract with double indemity!
JING: We need to save Daddy!
KIMBERLY: Let's watch some more.
ANNIE: We shall. If they do anything to hurt my Jackie.....hoo boy!
KIMBERLY: We should save Dad soon or else they'll collect Dad's body as an accident!
Sitting on a chair in the office. Smoking a cigar. Pim tries to talk to Jack.
PIM: Now look, Harris. I rewrote the whole scene for you.
CHARLIE: He put a lot of heart and soul into it, so you better listen.
JACK: Sure, absolutely!
PIM: This is the office of a boss and his syndicate.
JACK: Syndicate of Sound, like that one hit wonder band who sang, Little Girl?
CHARLIE: NO NO NO NO NO! Not a rock band you shit brain!
JACK: OKay, forget I said anything. Please do go on.
PIM: It's late at night....
JACK: Yes...
PIM: You're going through the desk looking for your iphone that has a news report on it that the United States is going to be blown to bits!
CHARLIE: By Al-Qeada!
JACK: Huh. Okay.
PIM: Suddenly, from the next room. You hear a scream .....
JACK: But It's not my sweetheart again.
CHARLIE: Enough of that sweetheart bullshit. It's your mother!
PIM: Yeah, yeah, that's it. Your mother. Who you haven't seen for 26 years!
JACK: Sounds a little too cliche if you ask me.
CHARLIE: Will you please let us finish. Go on, Pim.
PIM: Certainly. Because after the scream. You hear a bark.
JACK: A bark? I forgot to bring my dog, Banjo.
PIM: It'll be a sound effect. Of course it'll be a CGI dog who's tied up in there, along with your mother. This dog is the same one who pulled you out of the well when you were a baby boy in Ireland!
JACK: Now you're talking motivation!
CHARLIE: Let's make a tape. What do you say?
JACK: All right! I'm up for it!
Getting up from the chair at the desk. Jack is about to act out the scene, and CHARLIE sits him back down.
CHARLIE: Sit down. Getting ready here and...takes cigar out of Jack's mouth And....ACTION!
PIM: But first, Lights and Camera....
CHARLIE: Nobody says that anymore.
PIM: Fine, ACTION!
Sitting in the desk, Jack is ready for the shooting of the scene.
CHARLIE: Start going through the drawers!
Jack frantically searches the drawers for the 'iphone'.
PIM: Now you hear your mother scream. screams
CHARLIE: Then you hear the dog! woof woof!
Jack bolts from the desk and runs to the door. Then stops in his tracks.
CHARLIE: Now what's the issue?
JACK: You left the camera in the bread truck.
PIM: There is a camera, it's behind the hat rack!
Still watching, Annie, Duncan, Kimberly, and Jing are debating when to make their move.
DUNCAN: Shouldn't we stop them?
ANNIE: We will soon. We'll just need to catch them about to hurt Jack!
KIMBERLY: Understood.
Jack is back at the desk. Charlie and Pim were giving him the third degree.
CHARLIE: Harris, everything is all set.
PIM: Yes it is. How many times do we have to tell you?
CHARLIE: Yes! Now stop being hesitant and let's make a take, huh?
PIM: For the final and last time!
JACK: Sure! I need to get my bearings.
Pinching his ears and tapping his chin, Jack is now ready.
JACK: OKay!
CHARLIE: Finally! ACTION!
PIM: This was getting frustrating!
Jack searches though the drawers looking for the iphone with the news report that the United States is going to be blown up.
CHARLIE: Good! Now you hear your mom screams.
PIM: And your dog barking!
JACK gets up from the desk: Coming mother!
Charlie and Pim watch Jack run to the janitor's closet instead of the door that reads 'private'.
PIM: SHIT! He fucked up again!
CHARLIE opens closet door: You're in the closet!
Jack walks out of the closet.
CHARLIE: It's not this door, it's THIS door points to door with 'private' sign
JACK: Oh I was supposed to go in the gender fluid bathroom? Is that why it says 'private'!
PIM: No! Son of bitch! You can't do anything right. All you need to do is. Show him how it's done, Charlie.
CHARLIE walks over to the 'private' door: A baby can do this scene better than you. What you needed to do was open this door and step IIINNNNSSSSIIIIDDDEEE!!!!
Jack and Pim see Charlie fall out of the 'private' door that was a trap meant for Jack. Charlie fell into a garbage truck. Then Jack and Pim see from above that Charlie was now in a garbage truck. Annie, Duncan, Kimberly, and Jing all break into the room.
ANNIE: THIS STOPS NOW! YOU HAVE CONNED MY HUSBAND FOR THE LAST TIME!
JACK: Annie! You were right about these...whatever Charlie and Pim were.
DUNCAN: Dad! They were going to have you open that door and fall to your death?
JACK: How do you know?
DUNCAN: Let's just say I have a friend who's very good at APPs.
KIMBERLY: He's talking about Yangzi.
ANNIE: Oh, Jack. I'm so glad you're okay.
Pim tries to get away, Annie, Jack, Kimberly, Duncan, and Jing run after him out of the Plumbing Academy Building. Charlie gets out of the garbage truck and rejoins Pim. The Harris Family were able to catch up with them and stop them in their tracks.
ANNIE: Oh no you don't! You're not getting away that easy!
CHARLIE: Who are you?
ANNIE: Annie Harris. Parking Ticket Meter and aspiring detective!
DUNCAN: We know all about you and your dirty scheme against our Dad.
CHARLIE: Actually, we were trying to make Jack smile...
PIM: That's why we convinced him he's going to be a movie star.
JING: We're not buying it!
KIMBERLY: If you were making me Dad a star. How do you explain the lack of filiming equipement?
ANNIE: Don't you know it takes over 500 people to even make a movie!
JACK: Gosh I'm an idiot! How could I ever have fallen for this shit.
JING: Don't feel bad about yourself, Dad.
DUNCAN: I also happen to know that you were trying to get insurance money out of my Dad's death.
KIMBERLY: By making it look like an accident, mind you!
ANNIE: What do you have to say for yourselves?
CHARLIE: We really are who we say we are. Talent Agents!
PIM: Yes, and making people smile...
ANNIE: I'm giving you both two choices. One, you stay here and we call the cops. Two you leave and go back to where you belong?
DUNCAN: You're not talent agents. You're those two alien looking dudes from Smiling Friends. That Adult Swim show.
KIMBERLY: You guys aren't trying to make people, smile. You're con men is what you are!
JING: Adult Swim? I could've sworn they were from PBS Kids.
JACK: My wife and is right. If you guys don't leave now I might get very angry.
Charlie and Pim are both frozen with fear.
JACK: If you guys stick around I might even report you to the Better Business Bureau!
CHARLIE: Okay we're gone!
PIM: Goodbye!
Charlie and Pim run away into the sunlight and go back home, they never returned to Oakdale again.
JACK: I should've known better. As the Beatles would say.
ANNIE: Now don't beat yourself up over falling for a stupid scheme.
DUNCAN: Mom's right, Dad. Look at all the idiotic things I fell for.
JACK: Why did I overlook everything? You were right. There was no cameras, crew, or anything. Whatever made me think I could be a star?
KIMBERLY: If you still want to be one, there's always YouTube.
ANNIE: Kimberly!
KIMBERLY: I was just joking, sheesh.
JACK: Why did you guys stand by me thoughout all this?
DUNCAN: We were actually investigating, yep we spied on you the whole time.
JACK: Great. I'm so socially inept I need people to spy on me?
ANNIE: We just did some detective work.
DUNCAN: Thanks to my indentifier app I was able to find out who they really were.
JACK: Well, you guys. I don't know what to say?
DUNCAN: How about thank you for watching out for you?
JING: We were afraid you were going to get badly hurt.
JACK: Thank you! I am so lucky to have a family who cares about me.
ANNIE: That's what we're all about.
DUNCAN: Say there's a Farmer's Market in town. My friends always go.
KIMBERLY: A boy I like from my science class is there.
JACK: I always did like the Farmer's Market. Let's go!
JING: We can forget this whole thing ever happened.
The Harris Family all laughed as they headed for the Farmer's Market for a day of fun with friends and family.
The End
by: Zoey Webber
At a charity business place that is dedicated to making people smile. There were two employees there. The cynical Charlie and the more optimistic Pim. Charlie and Pim could not find someone to make smile today.
PIM: What should we do today, Charlie?
CHARLIE: I don't know. You think my brain is made of ideas?
Going to a television screen, Pim begins to channel surf.
PIM: Hmmm, nope, nope, nope, nope....
CHARLIE: Channel surfing. The number one cure of boredom.
Searching though the channels on the television. Pim sees Duncanville. Then he spots Jack.
PIM: EUREKA!
CHARLIE: Think you found something.
PIM: Yes I have. This is that show that was on for three season on FOX! Duncanville!
CHARLIE: Thought that was Bless The Harts there for a minute.
PIM: What I think we should do is go to Duncanville, and make the Dad smile today.
CHARLIE: How are we going to do that, exactly?
PIM: We'll convince him that we're going to make him a movie star!
CHARLIE: I'm listening.
PIM: We can pretend we're talent agents and the Dad will fall for our trick!
CHARLIE: Great! We can make it look like an accident and collect the insurance money! I'm all for that! Hey, wait. What is the name of the Dad?
Going though his laptop to look up Duncanville, Pim does some research.
PIM: Jack Harris!
CHARLIE: Okay! Duncanville it is! Is that the name of the town where they live?
PIM: No, it's actually Oakdale. Might be in New England.
CHARLIE: Here we go!
In Oakdale at the Harris household. Duncan, Kimberly, Jing, and Annie were having breakfast. Jack was in the shower.
ANNIE: Duncan! I am very disapointed in you young man!
DUNCAN: OH NO! It's only 8:30 in the morning and I'm already in trouble?
KIMBERLY: Enjoy your freedom while you can. laughs
DUNCAN: HA HA HA! Hilarious, Kimberly! Maybe I'll laugh at you next time you get in....
ANNIE: STOP THAT YOU TWO! Anyway, Why did you wash Banjo's dog dish in with the dishes?
JING: I think Duncan needs to learn a lesson from Gordon Ramsey.
DUNCAN: But we use anitbacterial soap, I didn't think it made a difference.
ANNIE: Dogs have different germs than us. It's not sanitary to clean dog dishes with our own. I'll let you off with a warning.
DUNCAN: Fair enough. Have Kimberly do the dishes from now on.
KIMBERLY: I resent that!
In the master bedroom, Jack just got done with his shower. Charlie and Pim were waiting.
CHARLIE: Let's wait until he puts on his clothes.
PIM: Good call.
JACK: I am going to have fun today! Got the day off and I am going to watch The Who's Tommy on a streaming service!
Putting on his clothes, Jack gets ready to go downstairs. Just in time to be stopped by Charlie and Pim.
CHARLIE: Hello, Jack!
PIM: Greetings, Mr. Harris.
JACK: AAAHHHH! Who are you guys? Oh, I know. You're going to be like the Great Gazoo for me? Friends with powers that only I can see?
CHARLIE: No quite. We're actually talent agents.
JACK: Talent agents? This day is getting better already!
PIM: You see Jack Harris. We came to you for a reason.
JACK: A reason hey? What may it be?
CHARLIE: I think you have the charisma and the charm.....
PIM: In fact, you got what it takes to be a star.
JACK: A star? You guys going to have me go on tour with the Rolling Stones? I even wrote a couple songs I'd like to them to sing!
PIM: Better than that, my friend.
CHARLIE: You're going to be in a movie!
JACK: A Movie! Awesome! Where do I sign?
CHARLIE: When you're done with your morning routine. Meet us outside.
PIM: We'll begin filming then.
Charlie and Pim hand Jack a contract that he signs.
JACK: Excellent! I can't wait to tell my family the great news.
Rushing downstairs to join his family for breakfast, Jack is happy and chipper.
ANNIE: Wow, Jack! I love seeing you so happy.
JACK: That's because today is the first day for the rest of my life!
KIMBERLY: I saw you texted that sentence to Mia on your phone last night!
DUNCAN: Stay out of my private stuff!
KIMBERLY: MAKE ME!
ANNIE: HEY! Settle down! Don't you want to know why your Dad is happy today?
JING: Tell us what has you so happy, Daddy. I am dying to know.
JACK: I just ran into two talent agents today!
ANNIE: That's wonderful Jack. Where did you meet them?
JACK: Oh, uh, they reached me on my laptop.
KIMBERLY: We thought we heard you upstairs talking to someone.
JACK: Anyhoo, these talent agents are going to have me star in a movie!
ANNIE: A movie! This is exciting.
DUNCAN: If my Dad's a movie star. Imagine what that could mean for me!
Having a daydream, Duncan imagines himself walking to school as his friends Bex, Wolf, and Yangzi all give him the red carpet treatment.
KIMBERLY: Our dad in a movie? This'll be good even for me. The ABC Girls will want to hang out with me instead of making fun of me.
JACK: I already have everything planned. We'll all move to Beverly Hills. Duncan, Kimberly, and Jing will go to a private school where they're going to get so spoiled....
ANNIE: Hang on there, Jack. Don't start painting with a broad brush there. Not all movie stars or celebrities have to live in Beverly Hills.
DUNCAN: Good point, Mom. I like where I'm living.
KIMBERLY: I love it here, too. You know, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore moved to Idaho.
DUNCAN: You keep up with celebrities that are not of your generation?
KIMBERLY: I like to keep up with celebrities. So what? Who cares? It's a hobby!
JACK: Okay. Forget Beverly Hills. We can stay here in Oakdale when my career takes off.
ANNIE: Good thinking. Keep us grounded and kids need stability!
KIMBERLY: Try telling that to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
DUNCAN: How many people your age know about them?
ANNIE: When do you begin?
JING: Hope it's not too soon.
JACK: Actually, after we eat breakfast.
JING: Oh no. I know this is going to be too good to be true.
ANNIE: It probably is, Jing.
JACK: You know what? Forget staying here! We'll move to Ohio if my acting career takes off!
ANNIE: WHAT?! Oh......
KIMBERLY: That's where Geraldo lives.
DUNCAN: Not to East Palestine I hope!
JING laughs: You guys are so gullible! Daddy was just ripping on us!
Jack, Annie, Duncan, Kimberly, and Jing all got done eating their breakfast. Jack goes outside and meets Charlie and Pim.
CHARLIE: Good day starts with a good breakfast!
JACK: I'm up and at them and ready to go!
PIM: Who used to say that, Tony the Tiger or Wilfred Brimley?
JACK: Doesn't matter. We going to do this or what?
PIM: We begin right now.
JACK: But first, I thought I'd ask. Where's the camera?
CHARLIE: Oh, uh...it's hidden. In that Sara Lee bread truck over there! points across the street to the bread truck
JACK: I can accept that. What should I do first?
Annie, Duncan, Kimberly, and Jing all watch Jack perform outside for Charlie and Pim.
DUNCAN: Those 'talent agents' sure don't look like people.
KIMBERLY: You're right. They don't. They look like something out of PBS Kids.
JING: Or those Adult Swim shows.
ANNIE: Let's watch and see what they're up to.
CHARLIE: All right. This is the climax of the film.
PIM: That's right. In the movie business, always film the ending first.
CHARLIE: The first thing we want you to do is be the hero, and you're on your way to meet the girl!
PIM: When suddenly a step off the curve! WHAMO! You are struck down by a speeding car!
JACK: Isn't that kind of dangerous?
CHARLIE: No, it actually misses and swerves then misses you at the last minute.
JACK: Gotcha!
PIM: Well, go ahead, cross the street!
Jack acrosses the street halfway, Pim goes into the car and is ready to drive.
CHARLIE: Get ready, Pim!
Jack is about to walk across the street again, then comes back to Charlie.
CHARLIE: What is it now?
JACK: Yes, just thought I'd ask this but why is your friend over there the one who's going to hit me?
CHARLIE: I guess I can explain. Not only is Pim another Tennessee Williams, he also happens to be one of the greatest stunt drivers in Hollywood!
JACK: Now I know where those stunts from Gone In 60 Seconds came from!
CHARLIE: Exactly! Now cross the street! gives signal to Pim OKAY PIM!
Pim charges up the car and speeds in Jack's direction. Jack waves hello to Pim, walks right back to the corner with Charlie.
ANNIE: Jack is doing very good for his first time acting.
DUNCAN: If he can do it, anyone can.
JACK: Oh, yes. Charlie is it?
CHARLIE: More questions?
JACK: You forgot to say 'roll them' and all that kind of stuff.
CHARLIE: Can't forget that, can we!
Pim drives back to where Jack and Charlie are. Pim drives backwards to shoot the scene again.
CHARLIE: Let's go again, Pim! Roll 'em!
Pim charged at Jack in the car, and then Pim ran over an open manhole that hasn't been noticed before. The car's tires got stuck in the manhole that sent Pim flying out of the car.
CHARLIE: PIM!!! You're like Alma from Undone!
PIM flying into the air: WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!!
Thankfully, Pim landed in a mailbox which left Charlie feeling frustrated.
JACK: Want to know something, Charlie?
CHARLIE: What Harris?
JACK: If Pim there doesn't write any better than he drives. We'll be in big trouble.
CHARLIE: Yeah, no shit!
JACK: Want me to shoot another scene?
CHARLIE: No, tomorrow we'll begin again. This time from your workplace.
JACK: You mean the plumbing place where I work.
CHARLIE: That will be a perfect place to shoot our next scene.
JACK: You got it!
Going back inside to join his family, Jack tells them about the next scene to be shot.
KIMBERLY: We saw you, Dad! You were great out there!
JING: Now remember, Daddy. Fame and fortune isn't everything you know.
ANNIE: You were good out there, Jack. But there's something about this I just do not trust.
DUNCAN: Was it the car slipping into the manhole? That was my favorite part!
JACK: It all seems legit from my point of view.
ANNIE: I didn't really like how those two made you cross the street only to have to get hit by a car.
JACK: Wasn't real you know.
ANNIE: Another thing I noticed is where were the cameras? Or the whole crew? Or a clipper board? How come they're not sitting in director's chairs? Ever thought of that?
JACK: Charlie told me they were hidden in a bread truck.
ANNIE: Sorry to say this, but I still don't trust any of this.
DUNCAN: That's just typical Mom. Always has to put a damper on our fun!
JACK: What's not to trust about this, Annie.
ANNIE: It looked very dangerous and something or someone could've gotten hurt.
KIMBERLY: Maybe Mom thinks you'll crash into a mailbox like that pink dude did.
JACK: For your information hat pink dude's name is Pim. He happens to be the best stunt drive in Hollywood.
ANNIE: How come nobody on celebrity gossip sites on the internet ever bragged about this "Pim"! Can't believe you're falling for this bullshit!
JACK: I'm sticking with it and you can't stop me.
ANNIE: I've decided. I'll let you go on with this for one more day. If anything goes wrong, you're outta there! Got me?
JACK: Sure thing, Annie.
The next day, Jack was getting ready to go shoot the next scene at his Plumber Agency. Annie, Jing, Kimberly, and Duncan were all watching The Real Teenage Moms of High School.
ANNIE: I would prefer for Jack to be in a reality show like this one.
DUNCAN: Called all my friends and told the good news about my Dad being a movie star! They're all excited for me. I asked them, hey guys, how would you like to meet Austin Butler? Or even better, Lizzo!
ANNIE: What will you tell them when Jack's career doesn't take off?
KIMBERLY: No dangerous stunts on this show, hey Mom?
JACK: Hey, Family! walks in with a script, cigar, sunglasses and a hat.
DUNCAN: Hey, Dad! You're a stunt!
KIMBERLY: Morning, Dad! You're looking so magnificent!
JING: Such glamour!
JACK: Please fans! No autographs!
A book falls out of Jack's pocket. Kimberly goes to get it.
KIMBERLY: The Method Actor?
JACK: You must dig deep to come up with the right character.
DUNCAN: You're telling me. That's how I did that Presidents Play in Preschool.
JACK: Well, I must be going now. kisses Annie Goodbye Annie. We're shooting in my plumber's agency today. I'll try to give you a blast on the horn between takes.
ANNIE: Let us know how it all goes down.
JING: This is the most exciting thing to ever happen. Don't let it go to your head, though.
JACK: Tut tut tut, Jing. When one has talent. One must take these things in stride. Bye all!
As Jack makes his leave. Annie is still suspicious that there's something not right about Jack being in a movie.
ANNIE: Why is he going to his workplace instead of a studio? I just don't get it!
KIMBERLY: Do you want to go incognito and hide away so we can see what all this is about?
ANNIE: Brilliant idea, Kimberly! So I can get to the bottom of this once and for all.
DUNCAN: This'll be cool. We can make a movie of our own! We can be like spies!
Having a daydream, Duncan imagines he, Annie, Kimberly, and Jing in a Spys Like Us style scenario where they are all going to Russia to stop a bomb. Jack was now with Charlie and Pim in the Plumbing Agency where he works. In an office, Charlie and Pim were explaining to Jack what scene will be shot.
CHARLIE: Now, Harris. This is the most crucial scene in the whole flick.
JACK smokes cigar: I'm listening....
PIM: Although it's a simple one!
JACK: Simple?
Annie, Duncan, Kimberly, and Jing were all watching from a window.
CHARLIE: While we're filming you're seated at the desk.
ANNIE: Where are the cameras?
DUNCAN: I'm beginning to agree with you Mom. Where is the clipper board? Where is anything?!
KIMBERLY: This doesn't look like a movie is being made at all! Dad's being played!
JING: Played all right. Played for a fool!
ANNIE: Quiet down! Don't let them hear us!
JACK: Fine! I think I get it. I get up from the desk. Go across the room, swing open that door, and step inside.
PIM: You got it!
CHARLIE: Pim, check that 'private' door.
Pim opens the door that is supposed to be 'private' wasn't a room at all. It was a door that makes people fall. Pim looks down from high up in the building.
JACK: Mind if I ask, what's the motivation?
PIM: Sure, I can explain. You're working here at the office. It's late at night. Then suddenly from the other room, you hear a scream. From your sweetheart of course, then you jump up and run to the door and shout, "I'M COMING DARLING" and you dash inside.
JACK: Ha Ha!
CHARLIE: All right, shall we make it?
JACK: Uh, no.
CHARLIE: NO?!
PIM: What do you, mean no?
CHARLIE: Do you want to be a star or not?
JACK: As they say in Hollywood, 'this doesn't grab me'.
PIM: Yeah, maybe in the 50's and 60's they said that then.
CHARLIE: That phrase don't apply here in 2023!
Duncan looks on his phone at an APP.
ANNIE: What're doing, Dunkie?
DUNCAN: Yangzi had me download an Indentifier APP.
KIMBERLY: What do you hope you'll do with that?
DUNCAN: Find out if these guys really are talent agents.
JING looks at her phone: There's even a news report about that car accident Daddy was almost in.
ANNIE: What does your APP say, Dunkie?
DUNCAN: It says, these guys are not talent agents at all.
KIMBERLY: Yeah, Dad said something about them not looking human.
JING: In the news report, there's a picture of the guys.
ANNIE: Oh my gosh! Whatever could these creatures be up to?
DUNCAN reads from his phone: According to the Indentifier APP, their names are Charlie and Pim. They're from an Adult Swim cartoon called "Smiling Friends".
KIMBERLY: Smiling Friends my ass. They don't seem to be making Dad smile.
ANNIE: Read more.
DUNCAN: They work at a company that dedicated to making people happy. Then they show their true colors by making whoever smiles and happy becomes the victim of an accident so they can collect the insurance!
ANNIE: That big dumbass Jack signed a contract with double indemity!
JING: We need to save Daddy!
KIMBERLY: Let's watch some more.
ANNIE: We shall. If they do anything to hurt my Jackie.....hoo boy!
KIMBERLY: We should save Dad soon or else they'll collect Dad's body as an accident!
Sitting on a chair in the office. Smoking a cigar. Pim tries to talk to Jack.
PIM: Now look, Harris. I rewrote the whole scene for you.
CHARLIE: He put a lot of heart and soul into it, so you better listen.
JACK: Sure, absolutely!
PIM: This is the office of a boss and his syndicate.
JACK: Syndicate of Sound, like that one hit wonder band who sang, Little Girl?
CHARLIE: NO NO NO NO NO! Not a rock band you shit brain!
JACK: OKay, forget I said anything. Please do go on.
PIM: It's late at night....
JACK: Yes...
PIM: You're going through the desk looking for your iphone that has a news report on it that the United States is going to be blown to bits!
CHARLIE: By Al-Qeada!
JACK: Huh. Okay.
PIM: Suddenly, from the next room. You hear a scream .....
JACK: But It's not my sweetheart again.
CHARLIE: Enough of that sweetheart bullshit. It's your mother!
PIM: Yeah, yeah, that's it. Your mother. Who you haven't seen for 26 years!
JACK: Sounds a little too cliche if you ask me.
CHARLIE: Will you please let us finish. Go on, Pim.
PIM: Certainly. Because after the scream. You hear a bark.
JACK: A bark? I forgot to bring my dog, Banjo.
PIM: It'll be a sound effect. Of course it'll be a CGI dog who's tied up in there, along with your mother. This dog is the same one who pulled you out of the well when you were a baby boy in Ireland!
JACK: Now you're talking motivation!
CHARLIE: Let's make a tape. What do you say?
JACK: All right! I'm up for it!
Getting up from the chair at the desk. Jack is about to act out the scene, and CHARLIE sits him back down.
CHARLIE: Sit down. Getting ready here and...takes cigar out of Jack's mouth And....ACTION!
PIM: But first, Lights and Camera....
CHARLIE: Nobody says that anymore.
PIM: Fine, ACTION!
Sitting in the desk, Jack is ready for the shooting of the scene.
CHARLIE: Start going through the drawers!
Jack frantically searches the drawers for the 'iphone'.
PIM: Now you hear your mother scream. screams
CHARLIE: Then you hear the dog! woof woof!
Jack bolts from the desk and runs to the door. Then stops in his tracks.
CHARLIE: Now what's the issue?
JACK: You left the camera in the bread truck.
PIM: There is a camera, it's behind the hat rack!
Still watching, Annie, Duncan, Kimberly, and Jing are debating when to make their move.
DUNCAN: Shouldn't we stop them?
ANNIE: We will soon. We'll just need to catch them about to hurt Jack!
KIMBERLY: Understood.
Jack is back at the desk. Charlie and Pim were giving him the third degree.
CHARLIE: Harris, everything is all set.
PIM: Yes it is. How many times do we have to tell you?
CHARLIE: Yes! Now stop being hesitant and let's make a take, huh?
PIM: For the final and last time!
JACK: Sure! I need to get my bearings.
Pinching his ears and tapping his chin, Jack is now ready.
JACK: OKay!
CHARLIE: Finally! ACTION!
PIM: This was getting frustrating!
Jack searches though the drawers looking for the iphone with the news report that the United States is going to be blown up.
CHARLIE: Good! Now you hear your mom screams.
PIM: And your dog barking!
JACK gets up from the desk: Coming mother!
Charlie and Pim watch Jack run to the janitor's closet instead of the door that reads 'private'.
PIM: SHIT! He fucked up again!
CHARLIE opens closet door: You're in the closet!
Jack walks out of the closet.
CHARLIE: It's not this door, it's THIS door points to door with 'private' sign
JACK: Oh I was supposed to go in the gender fluid bathroom? Is that why it says 'private'!
PIM: No! Son of bitch! You can't do anything right. All you need to do is. Show him how it's done, Charlie.
CHARLIE walks over to the 'private' door: A baby can do this scene better than you. What you needed to do was open this door and step IIINNNNSSSSIIIIDDDEEE!!!!
Jack and Pim see Charlie fall out of the 'private' door that was a trap meant for Jack. Charlie fell into a garbage truck. Then Jack and Pim see from above that Charlie was now in a garbage truck. Annie, Duncan, Kimberly, and Jing all break into the room.
ANNIE: THIS STOPS NOW! YOU HAVE CONNED MY HUSBAND FOR THE LAST TIME!
JACK: Annie! You were right about these...whatever Charlie and Pim were.
DUNCAN: Dad! They were going to have you open that door and fall to your death?
JACK: How do you know?
DUNCAN: Let's just say I have a friend who's very good at APPs.
KIMBERLY: He's talking about Yangzi.
ANNIE: Oh, Jack. I'm so glad you're okay.
Pim tries to get away, Annie, Jack, Kimberly, Duncan, and Jing run after him out of the Plumbing Academy Building. Charlie gets out of the garbage truck and rejoins Pim. The Harris Family were able to catch up with them and stop them in their tracks.
ANNIE: Oh no you don't! You're not getting away that easy!
CHARLIE: Who are you?
ANNIE: Annie Harris. Parking Ticket Meter and aspiring detective!
DUNCAN: We know all about you and your dirty scheme against our Dad.
CHARLIE: Actually, we were trying to make Jack smile...
PIM: That's why we convinced him he's going to be a movie star.
JING: We're not buying it!
KIMBERLY: If you were making me Dad a star. How do you explain the lack of filiming equipement?
ANNIE: Don't you know it takes over 500 people to even make a movie!
JACK: Gosh I'm an idiot! How could I ever have fallen for this shit.
JING: Don't feel bad about yourself, Dad.
DUNCAN: I also happen to know that you were trying to get insurance money out of my Dad's death.
KIMBERLY: By making it look like an accident, mind you!
ANNIE: What do you have to say for yourselves?
CHARLIE: We really are who we say we are. Talent Agents!
PIM: Yes, and making people smile...
ANNIE: I'm giving you both two choices. One, you stay here and we call the cops. Two you leave and go back to where you belong?
DUNCAN: You're not talent agents. You're those two alien looking dudes from Smiling Friends. That Adult Swim show.
KIMBERLY: You guys aren't trying to make people, smile. You're con men is what you are!
JING: Adult Swim? I could've sworn they were from PBS Kids.
JACK: My wife and is right. If you guys don't leave now I might get very angry.
Charlie and Pim are both frozen with fear.
JACK: If you guys stick around I might even report you to the Better Business Bureau!
CHARLIE: Okay we're gone!
PIM: Goodbye!
Charlie and Pim run away into the sunlight and go back home, they never returned to Oakdale again.
JACK: I should've known better. As the Beatles would say.
ANNIE: Now don't beat yourself up over falling for a stupid scheme.
DUNCAN: Mom's right, Dad. Look at all the idiotic things I fell for.
JACK: Why did I overlook everything? You were right. There was no cameras, crew, or anything. Whatever made me think I could be a star?
KIMBERLY: If you still want to be one, there's always YouTube.
ANNIE: Kimberly!
KIMBERLY: I was just joking, sheesh.
JACK: Why did you guys stand by me thoughout all this?
DUNCAN: We were actually investigating, yep we spied on you the whole time.
JACK: Great. I'm so socially inept I need people to spy on me?
ANNIE: We just did some detective work.
DUNCAN: Thanks to my indentifier app I was able to find out who they really were.
JACK: Well, you guys. I don't know what to say?
DUNCAN: How about thank you for watching out for you?
JING: We were afraid you were going to get badly hurt.
JACK: Thank you! I am so lucky to have a family who cares about me.
ANNIE: That's what we're all about.
DUNCAN: Say there's a Farmer's Market in town. My friends always go.
KIMBERLY: A boy I like from my science class is there.
JACK: I always did like the Farmer's Market. Let's go!
JING: We can forget this whole thing ever happened.
The Harris Family all laughed as they headed for the Farmer's Market for a day of fun with friends and family.
The End
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