Categories > Cartoons > Paradise PD
Take These Burgers And Shove Them!
0 reviewsThe Paradise PD Want To Run The Belcher Family Out of Town.
0Unrated
Paradise PD and Bob's Burgers
Fanfic Title
Take These Burgers and Shove Them!
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
An aeroplane is seen flying over a clear blue ocean. Lime And The Coconut by Harry Nilsson plays. The aeroplane soon lands on an island in the Bahamas. Then a lighthouse is shown. Bullet runs up the stairs to ring the bell.
Bullet (rings the bell): De Plane! De Plane!
The aeroplane comes to a stop. Out comes Bob Belcher and his family. Wife Linda. Daughters Tina and Louise. And their son, Gene. They were being lead by Dusty and Gina to the lighthouse. Outside the lighthouse, Randall Crawford greets the Belcher family. Instead of wearing his usual police chief uniform. Randall was now wearing a white suit and sipping a Pina Colada. Bullet soon joins him.
Bob: Wow! What a beautiful place this is.
Linda: Can't wait to see what it has to offer!
Randall: Good afternoon, Belcher Family! Welcome to Pump Up The Jam island!
Tina: Don't you mean, Fantasy Island?
Randall: It's that too. Anyway, we are here to make your fantasy vacation come true!
A record needle scratch is heard. Dusty narrates.
Dusty: Hi Y'all! Dusty Marlow here! You're all probably wondering why we're in the Bahamas with the Belcher family from Bob's Burgers. Well, let me take y'all back to the beginning!
A caption reads: A week earlier. At the steps of the Paradise City Hall. Mayor Karen Crawford is with Bob Belcher who shakes his hand.
Karen: Congratulations, Bob Belcher! For bringing a new restaurant into Paradise. Ladies and Gentlemen! 26 genders too! I proudly hereby declare the opening of Bob's Burgers in Paradise!
An crowd of people gave a round of applause. Anton cuts the ribbon to the new Bob's Burgers restuarant and the crowd chants. "BOB BELCHER" "BOB BELCHER" "BOB BELCHER"!
A caption reads, "FIVE DAYS LATER". Bob's Burger's restuarant was thriving. It was beating out competition away from Goopy Goopers and even Red Lobster. After a hard day of work, Bob says goodbye to some satisfied customers.
Bob: Good bye! Hope to see you again!
Linda: Wow, Bob! I can't believe in just 5 days people are just batshit crazy about our restuarant!
Bob: I know, I certainly agree.
Tina: Can we go back to Ocean City soon? I miss it there.
Gene: You heard what Dad said, Tina. We're just here in Paradise for the cold months.
Louise: It's so hot here you can fry pancakes on the sidewalk.
Bob: You really want to go back to Ocean City? Puh-leese! Look how much service we're getting here in this town!
Linda: Your Dad is right, kids. From now on we'll be like snow birds. North in the summer, South in the winter.
Louise: Just like birds do for real.
Bob: So far, everyone in Paradise likes our burgers.
Linda: I'm surprised the local police here didn't try our food.
Bob: Could be they haven't discovered it yet. I'm sure they will.
Scene 2:
Driving to Paradise PD Police Headquarters. Randall drives by the Bob's Burgers Restuarant.
Randall: Whaaaa? Bob's Burgers?!?! What're they doing here?
Once Randall arrived at Paradise PD Headquarters, he enters the conference room. With a shocked look on his face. Everyone was there except Kevin.
Gina: Hey, Randall! Why do you look like Humphrey Bogart in Dark Passage?
Randall: You won't believe who came to our town today.
Dusty: Is it Corky Romano?
Randall: NO NO NO! Not that cock sucking shit!
Bullet: Who is it, then? Walter White and Jesse Pinkman I hope....
Randall: Bob's Burgers!
Stanley: Oh I get it. You must mean Elias Big Boy!
Randall: Again! Bob's Burgers is here in Paradise!
Dusty: Should we try to see if their food is any good?
Gina (on her iphone): The restaurant is getting great reviews here.
Bullet: Know what? Let's just let today go and go see about this Bob's Burgers place!
Dusty: Awesome Bullet! I can go for a bite to eat!
Gina: If people here like the food, we should try it.
Randall: OKay! Fine! Bob's Burgers it is! You Bullet! You're going to go order the food!
Bullet: Sure, what does everyone want there?
Randall, Stanley, Gina, and Dusty all say what type of burgers they want.
Bullet: I'll just get the special for everyone then. Wait, how am I going to pay for all this?
Randall: Use Stanley's credit card.
Stanley: WHAT?!?!?!
On his way to Bob's Burgers. Bullet goes and orders the food. After a while, Bullet comes back with everyone's orders.
Bullet: Fuck! You would not begin to fathom how long I had to wait! Guess you can say I have 'No Reservations' about this! (laughs) Get it? Like that movie!
Randall: Shut the fuck up and give us our food!
Dusty: I heard Bob's Burgers is beating out Goopy Goopers.
Gina: What are we waiting for? Let's see if these twat waffles make any good burgers and fries!
Once the Paradise PD ate the burgers, sodas, and fries they ordered from Bob's Burgers. They hated what they were eating.
Randall: God dammit! These Burgers are SHIT!
Bullet (spits): I've had crack balls that tasted better than this fucking ass......(spits) I can't even talk!
Gina: Bob's Burgers won't hear anything good I have to say about this garbage food!
Stanley: It's like I'm eating Steve McQueen in The Blob!
Dusty: Even the french fries taste like ass!
Bullet: So, everyone else here in town loves Bob's Burgers....except us.
Randall: You thinking what I'm thinking.....
Bullet: Uhhh, not really.
Randall: What usually happens when people piss off the police?
Bullet: Uhhhh, Oh wait! I see what you want to do here! I say we run Bob's Burgers out of town!
Randall: I'm glad you figured it out, but I get the credit for it!
Bullet: Understood!
Stanley: Bet your sweet bippy we can! I've had better food at Whitey's Wonderbar!
Gina: How are we going to get rid of them?
Dusty: Yeah, their shitty food is making me miss Goopy Goopers!
Randall: I know a way. We'll lure them to an island in the Bahamas.
Bullet: I have a secret bank account there, for reasons all my own.
Randall: Relax! We're not going after your money. We'll pretend like we love their food, and give them a free vacation to a private island there.
Dusty: It's not anywhere near Acklins. Because that's where my Diddy trains his Strawberry Action Squad.
Gina: How we are going to pull this off?
Randall: Easy, Gina. Just leave everything to me!
Scene 3:
At a clubhouse in the woods. Kevin and his larping friends, Quohand, Eric, and Dungeon Master were inside.
Kevin: I have some totally awesome news! My Dad gave me the whole week off!
Eric: Good thing he did! We're out of school for 2 weeks.
Kevin: You didn't let me finish. I say we can spend this week trying to take down Lovely Corp.
Quohand: Wow!
Dungeon Master: That'll be cool. Just think, if we take down Lovely Corp, we'll be heroes!
Kevin (stands on a table): In this clubhouse! I AM KING! WHO IS KING? WHO IS...KING!....KING!.....KING!!!!!!
Quohand, Eric, and Dungeon Master: YOU ARE KING, KEVIN! YOU ARE! YOU ARE!
Kevin steps down from the table. Then Eric asks him a question.
Eric: How are we going to do it?
Kevin: Oh shit. I haven't thought that far ahead. We'll just have to be patient.
At Lovely Corp. Frank Flipperfist, Pedro Pooptooth, and The Russian Mobster were showing Fitz and Brett DeMarco some Lovely Corp products.
Fitz: Thank you, gentlemen. That is all for now.
Frank Flipperfist, Pedro Pooptooth, and The Russian Mobster take their leave.
Fitz: Who's next, Brett.
Brett DeMarco: Puffy the Cigarette.
Fitz: Puffy! Pull it out here!
Puffy the Cigarette comes out and shows a seven bread toaster.
Fitz: Explain this product, Puffy.
Puffy The Cigarette: This here is a toaster that can fit seven slices of bread.
Brett DeMarco: Is there a point to any of this?
Puffy The Cigarette: Yes, it's very useful! And people will love to use it.
Fitz: OKay, explain how it can be beneficial.
Puffy The Cigarette: Well, not only toast. But waffles, pop tarts and...
Fitz: Stop right there!
Puffy The Cigarette: Why? What's the problem?
Fitz: Nobody is going to give a flying fucking rat's ass about a seven bread toaster!
Brett DeMarco: Typical of you, Puffy to present something that nobody is going to want a use for.
Puffy The Cigarette: But...but....but...
Fitz: No buts about it, Puffy! I have no idea why we even keep you around. You're fired!
Puffy The Cigarette: You can't fire me! Because I quit anyway!
Brett DeMarco: Okay, we'll show you the door!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco both pick up Puffy as he protested. Fitz throws Puffy onto the concrete. Fitz and Brett walk back inside.
Brett DeMarco: Did you see the way he was screaming and trying to wiggle his way out of our grasp?
Fitz (laughs): Yeah, he reminded me of Tony Clifton from Man On The Moon!
Picking himself up, Puffy The Cigarette walks away. Feeling like a failure, Puffy doesn't know where to go. That is until Robbie and Delbert speed by him in a car and throw a crowbar that landed on his head.
Robbie: Heads up, mother fucker!
Delbert: Yeah, we got 'em good!
As Puffy laid unconscious. Robbie and Delbert sped away. That's when Kevin, Quohand, Eric, and Dungeon Master find him when they exit their clubhouse.
Eric: Holy fucking shit, man!
Quohand: A real live cigarette....and we're not talking Joe Camel!
Dungeon Master: Nah, it's gotta be some dude in a costume!
Kevin: I think we found someone who will help us, you guys!
Scene 4:
The very next day, The Paradise PD are taking a jet to the Bahamas. Bullet is singing karaoke as entertainment.
Bullet (singing): Hey, There Little Red Riding Hood! You Sure Are Looking Good! You're Everything That A Big Bad Wolf Could Want....
Dusty: I don't get it. Why are WE flying to the Bahamas?
Randall: We need to get there first! This is going to be a huge project on our hands.
Gina: Now that we're flying there, how about we call the Belcher family on their phone.
Randall: Great idea, Gina.
Gina hands Randall a cellphone, Randall uses it to call the Belcher family. Bob answers the phone.
Bob: Bob's Burgers!
Randall: Congratulations, Mr. Belcher! You just won yourself a free vacation!
Bob: Really? That's so awesome!
Linda (walks in): Who's on the phone.
Bob: Apparently someone just offered us a free vacation!
Linda: Wow! That's amazing! Wonder where? Ask them!
Bob: Where is this vacation located?
Randall: The Bahamas of course! Tell you what, I'll set you up with a flight that goes straight to the Bahamas! Oh and bring your kids with you too!
Bob: Wow! A family vacation!
Randall: I know a flight that's going to take off. So get to the Airport as soon as you can!
Bob: I sure will..
Randall: Consider this your reward for bringing Bob's Burgers to Paradise! And now you'll get a paradise of your own!
Bob: That's excellent. Thank you! Goodbye! Kids, pack your bags! We're going on vacation!
Tina: Whatever for?
Gene: Didn't we just get settled here?
Linda: It's a reward of some sort that our restuarant is such a big hit!
Louise: Oh boy! I'm bringing my favorite bunny ears!
Back on the jet, Stanley was flying to the Bahamas.
Stanley: Where the hell are we going to?
Dusty: The Bahamas, Stanley!
Stanley: OKay! I thought we were going to Normandy Beach!
Gina: We never should've trusted Stanley to fly this jet.
Bullet: Isn't anyone paying attention to my karaoke? You guys just don't appreciate Solid Gold Oldies!
Scene 5:
Once the jet lands. Randall takes Bullet, Stanley, Gina, and Dusty to a remote island in the Bahamas that has a lighthouse and a grassy maze. Some townspeople from far away were watching them. Meanwhile, the Belchers got their flight in time and were now on their way to the Bahamas.
Randall: Okay! This is what we're going to do. Dusty and Gina you guys are going to be tour guides.
Dusty and Gina: Right. Sure.
Randall: Bullet, when the Belchers come, you run up to the lighthouse and ring the bell!
Bullet: Cool!
Stanley: What about me? What do I get to do?
Randall: I'll think of a role for you. Anyway, we are going to pull a Fantasy Island on these Belcher mother fuckers!
Gina: Yeah! That'll teach those twat waffles to bring shit food to our town.
Dusty: Fantasy Island? Wait, why can't I be Tattoo? I have a high pitched voice like him.
Randall: Bullet is better fitting for the role because he's short.
Bullet: Better luck next time! (gives Dusty the middle finger)
Dusty (whining): BBBHHHAAAAAHHHHHH! But, I don't wanna be a tour guide! (jumps around and has a tantrum) I wanna be Tattoo! I WANNA BE TATTOO!!!!!
Randall: You're being a tour guide and that's my final order! (points at Dusty's face)
Gina: Go along with him.
Dusty: It fucking sucks that I can't be Tattoo! Who am I supposed to be?!?!!?
Randall: You can be Perkins from BJ and The Bear for all I care!
Dusty: Wait a second. Wasn't Perkins on that Sheriff Lobo spinoff?
Randall: THAT'S ENOUGH BULL SHIT!
When Randall screamed, the sound filled the air that attracted the townspeople. A middle aged man was running over to where the lighthouse was.
Man: Oh boy! Someone must be filming a movie!
His wife screams out to him.
Woman: No! No! No! Get back here, you're sick!
Man: Fuck you, bitch! I'm going anyway! You act like I'm going to spread my Hepatitis B around!
Soon more townspeople come to see what Randall, Bullet, Gina, Stanley, and Dusty are doing. Randall and Bullet soon take notice.
Randall: Why the fuck are these people coming to us?
Dusty: They want to know what we're doing.
Gina: They think we're film directors.
Bullet: No shit there! It's like that scene in After The Fox. My favorite Peter Sellers movie I may add!
Man #1: Say, hello. Can we be a part of whatever it is you're doing here.
Man #2: Yes, please?
Randall: Okay! You guys can all come!
The men and women all cheered.
Stanley: You still haven't found a part for me, yet.
Bullet: How about you be the Priest Who Kicks People like Guns For San Sebastian?
Randall: Good enough! Okay! Here's what you all are going to do.......
Scene 6:
Kevin, Quohand, Dungeon Master and Eric all dragged Puffy into the clubhouse. Puffy was waking up from being knocked out.
Eric: He's one of us!
Dungeon Master: Definately one of us!
Puffy the Cigarette: Where am I? Who am I?
Kevin: Let's just say that we are your friends.
Puffy the Cigarette: Friends? What do we do together?
Dungeon Master: You Mr. Cigarette are the chosen one!
Kevin: Yes of course!
Puffy The Cigarette: What was I chosen to do?
Eric (Whispers): What should we say....
Kevin: I know! You are a spy!
Puffy The Cigarette: A spy? For what?
Kevin: You will help us build a bomb.
Puffy The Cigarette: A bomb?
Quohand: Yes, to blow up Lovely Corp!
Dungeon Master: An evil corporate company that's taken over our town!
Puffy The Cigarette: Okay. How do I build this bomb?
Kevin: Leave that to us!
Puffy: Bomb? I don't think I like this very much.
Eric: Oh come on! It'll be cool!
Kevin: Yeah, don't you want to be, "Spies Like Us"? (curls his fingers)
Puffy The Cigarette: Fine, I'll do it!
Kevin: YES!
At Lovely Corp, Fitz and Brett DeMarco were walking around talking about their sales.
Fitz (looking at the sales on an iphone): Those products were selling are a huge success. Michael Douglas was right, Greed Works!
Brett DeMarco: Those ones Frank and Pedro were introducing to us......
Frank and Pedro run to Fitz and Brett.
Pedro Pooptooth: Have you guys seen Puffy?
Frank Flipperfist: Yes, how did his product work out?
Fitz: We kicked him out. His product was useless.
Brett DeMarco: It was a seven slice toaster of all things.
Frank Flipperfist: We need Puffy.
Pedro Pooptooth: Bring him back!
Frank Flipperfist: He's a valuable member of Lovely Corp.
Fitz: You guys are right. We'll rehire him.
Brett DeMarco: I think we left him on the concrete.
Fitz and Brett DeMarco go to the front door, Zeta soon joins him.
Zeta: What's going on, Daddy Fitz.
Fitz: We fired Puffy and now I deeply regret it.
Zeta: Can I find him too?
Brett DeMarco: Sure you can. Stay out of danger.
Once Fitz, Brett, and Zeta go to the front door and Puffy was gone.
Fitz: PUFFY! PUFFY! Come back! I'm sorry for firing you!
Brett DeMarco: You deserve a second chance.
Fitz (searching high and low): I'm afraid he's gone!
Brett DeMarco: You're right. He's nowhere to be seen.
Zeta: If he's lost who knows where he is.
Fitz: This is the price I pay for being too harsh on him.
Brett DeMarco: Puffy was a buffoon, and you never liked buffoons.
Fitz: Why do you have to be so brutally honest?!?!?!
Wallowing in remorse, Fitz falls to the ground and cries.
Scene 7:
Just as before. An aeroplane is seen flying over a clear blue ocean. Lime And The Coconut by Harry Nilsson plays. The aeroplane soon lands on an island in the Bahamas. Then a lighthouse is shown. Bullet runs up the stairs to ring the bell.
Bullet (rings the bell): De Plane! De Plane!
The aeroplane comes to a stop. Out comes Bob Belcher and his family. Wife Linda. Daughters Tina and Louise. And their son, Gene. They were being lead by Dusty and Gina to the lighthouse. Outside the lighthouse, Randall Crawford greets the Belcher family. Instead of wearing his usual police chief uniform. Randall was now wearing a white suit and sipping a Pina Colada. Bullet soon joins him.
Bob: Wow! What a beautiful place this is.
Linda: Can't wait to see what it has to offer!
Randall: Good afternoon, Belcher Family! Welcome to Pump Up The Jam island!
Tina: Don't you mean, Fantasy Island?
Randall: It's that too. Anyway, we are here to make your fantasy vacation come true!
Bob: This looks amazing! Where do we start?
Bullet: What you need to do is go through that grassy maze.
Linda: Where does it lead?
Randall: It leads to a resort that's what!
Tina: I'm good at getting through mazes.
Gene: Why the maze? Mind if I ask?
Randall: Our tour guides here will guide you though.
Bullet: Other than that. Enjoy your stay at Pump Up The Jam Island!
Dusty: This way, please.
When Gina and Dusty were showing the Belchers to the grassy maze. It was a long maze.
Gina: Okay, Belchers this is where you get off.
Louise: Wow! I'll bet this is going to be like Rollerball!
Gina: Need anything. Get in trouble, you know who to call.
Dusty and Gina make their departure. The Belchers go inside the maze.
Gene: Well, let's make the most of this.
Dusty and Gina go back to the lighthouse.
Randall: This is our cue to make some chaos!
Dusty: What're we going to do about the Belchers?
Bullet: Remember those townspeople who wanted to be a part of this?
Gina: Yes, those fools who think we are doing a movie?
Randall: Exactly. Let's just say a "Martian Invasion" is going to happen.
Dusty: Oh boy! We going to get Marvin The Martian after them?
Randall: I'll give you a hint, it's going to be something about of a Robert L. Lippert movie!
Gina: Think I already know. Rocketship XM I wager.
Bullet: Oh, and Dusty and Gina. You both be ready to kick some ass so we can make it seem like we're saving them.
Bob leads the way around the grassy maze. Linda grows worried.
Linda: This maze is getting very spooky.
Gene: I don't think I like this vacation.
Tina: We keep running into dead ends.
Louise: This is getting boring! I want action! I want excitement!
Bob: Maybe there will be some excitement once we reach this resort.
Suddenly, a whole bunch of rocks land beside the Belchers.
Louise: YES! Finally! Things are starting to turn around!
Linda: I wouldn't be so sure about this.
Tina (gets hit with a rock): Ahhhh! knocked out my glasses.
Gene (gets hit with a bunch of rocks): AAAAAAAHHHHH!
Bob: GENE! Oh, no!
Gene (gets up): I'm fine.
Linda: Who the hell is doing this to us?
When Tina gets her glasses, a whole bunch of 'Martians' come from behind the Belcher family.
Bob: HOLY CRAP!
Gene: WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY?!?!!?!
The "Martians" are now chasing the Belcher family throwing rocks at them.
Bob: Why didn't we see a brochure first!
Linda: They said the tour guides are going to help us!
Tina: Yeah, where are they?!?!?!
Louise: They abandoned us!
Randall and Bullet were watching.
Gina: Should we go in?
Randall: Nah, let them sweat a while.
Scene 8:
Back in Paradise. Kevin gives Puffy a list of things to build a bomb.
Kevin: Go over to the store and get this stuff for our spy club. Do everything we tell you and you will prove yourself to be a very competent spy just like the rest of here!
Puffy The Cigarette: Right!
Eric, Kevin, Quohand, and Dungeon Master show Puffy the way to the store.
Kevin: We can make him our slave!
Quohand: He seems to have lost this memory.
Eric: We can pull an "Overboard" on him!
Kevin: Awesome! My Mom likes the recent version of that movie instead of the original because it's (rolls eyes): 'feminist'.
Shortly, after Puffy bought all the stuff for the explosives.
Puffy The Cigarette: What now?
Kevin: Go home and set up our Dungeons and Dragons board game. This is all a part of your spy training.
Puffy The Cigarette: Yes sir.
Eric: This is so awesome!
Quohand: Are we wrong for taking advantage of him like this?
Kevin: Not at all. We can use him! Just like that little puppy in Devil Dog The Hound From Hell!
On their way back to the clubhouse, Puffy is continuing taking orders from Kevin, Eric, Quohand and Dungeon Master.
Kevin: Thank you, Puffy. Now we want some ice cream floats! Even spies love an ice cream break!
Puffy The Cigarette: What flavors?
Eric: I'll have a root beer with vanilla.
Quohand: I'll have a cherry ice cream with Sprite.
Dungeon Master: I'll have a coke with chocolate.
Kevin: As for me, I'll have a Squirt with Blueberry. Dad always gets pissed when I have that. He's all like, 'WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE ROOT BEER LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?!"
Dungeon Master: Funny impersonation you did of your Dad!
Going off to the ice cream store. Puffy gets the ice cream floats for Kevin and his friends.
Kevin: When he gets back with our ice cream floats, we'll make him build that bomb we have planned.
Overtime, Kevin, Quohand, Eric, and Dungeon Master keep telling Puffy what to do. Everything from sweeping the floor and polishing action figures.
Quohand: Now, alphabetize our porno magazines.
Eric: Yes, and do our laundry!
Kevin: We need our Dune and Naruto clothes and cosplay all cleaned up!
Dungeon Master: Also, catch a Rockruff for my Pokemon Go app!
Puffy The Cigarette: Right friends!
Scene 9:
At Lovely Corp, instead of driving around, Fitz decides to try to track down Puffy on his radar.
Zeta: Find Puffy yet, Daddy Fitz?
Fitz: Nope. We're coming up short.
Brett DeMarco: Keep looking.
Then Fitz spots something coming out of an ice cream store.
Zeta: Could that be him?
Fitz: Damn! We found him! What's Puffy doing going to an ice cream store?
Brett DeMarco: Glad we were able to locate him and he's not lost to us forever.
As Fitz, Zeta, and Brett were watching Puffy on the screen, they see Puffy walking into Kevin's clubhouse.
Zeta: It looks like a wooden clubhouse.
Fitz: Why so it is! There's only one person I know who has a wooden clubhouse.
Brett DeMarco: Who?
Fitz: KEVIN CRAWFORD! (Screams into the air with his fists shaking)
Brett DeMarco: Let's see what Kevin is up to.
Back at the clubhouse. Kevin leads Puffy as he was drinking his ice cream float.
Kevin: Okay Puffy. Got the stuff for the bomb?
Puffy The Cigarette: Affirmative!
Kevin: Perfect. Now I will let you in on my secret project!
Puffy follows Kevin yards away from the clubhouse into a forest. Kevin pulls down a blanket with a drone underneath and pulls it off.
Kevin: Tah Dah!
Puffy The Cigarette: What is that thing?
Kevin: A drone! Soon to be a bomb!
Puffy The Cigarette: Wow! That's awesome! Where did you get that?
Kevin: Dont forget we're spies! You want to know, I stole it from the evidence room where my Dad works as a police chief.
Puffy The Cigarette: What am I supposed to do here?
Kevin: Remember that equipment you bought to make a bomb. You are going to put everything in that drone.
Puffy The Cigarette: Sure thing! You can count on me! Who are we blowing up?
Kevin: Who else? The most evilest corporate organization that's ever come to Paradise.....Lovely Corp!
Puffy The Cigarette! YEAH! LOVELY CORP SUCKS!
Fitz, Brett, and Zeta watched everything and feel threatened. The radar was even programmed to hear conversations.
Brett DeMarco: So that's what happened to Puffy!
Fitz: He must've lost his memory and ran into Kevin and his geeky friends.
Zeta: We need to stop them! We can't have Lovely Corp be destroyed.
Brett DeMarco: Not only that, we can't let Kevin know we're onto him.
Fitz: That's true. To prevent some major bullshit from happening. We're going to have to do the unthinkable guys.
Zeta: What would it be?
Fitz: Pretend to be geeks. That way we can gain their trust.
Brett DeMarco: Of course, Stop the bomb and then get Puffy back!
Fitz: Know of any store where geeks like to shop?
Frank and Pedro run in.
Pedro Pooptooth: What's going on? We can always sense something.
Fitz: Frank! Pedro! I have no time to explain right now. You two are in charge of Lovely Corp while we're gone.
Frank Flipperfist: Since you asked about clothes for geeks, you might want to try Ripple Junction. That's where I buy Jerry his clothes.
Fitz: Thank you! That's very helpful. Now if you'll excuse us. We have a corporation to save!
Frank and Pedro say their goodbyes and wish Fitz, Zeta, and Brett good luck. Now they were on their way to put a halt on what Kevin and his friends are going to do.
Scene 10:
Stuck in the maze with seemingly no way out. Bob, Linda, Gene, Tina, and Louise were surrounded by the "Martians."
Linda: Oooooh! What'll we do now.
Bob: What type of tour guides just abandon people like that?
Gene: Not sure if we should fight or surrender.
Tina: They're so powerful! And we're so weak!
Louise: When I said excitement, I didn't mean this......
At the lighthouse Randall gives the order to Dusty and Gina to attack. Stanley joins too.
Randall: OKay, Dusty, Gina! Get in there!
Bullet: Yes, after you're done show them to that 'resort'!
Gina: I'm on it!
Dusty follows Gina. Stanley comes too and is now dressed as a priest. At the maze, the Belchers were cowering with fear.
Bob: Is this like one of those role play vacations?
Tina: Yes, like that time we were on that train with cowboys?
Linda: Save us! Please! Somebody come and rescue us!
In the sky, Dusty and Gina jump into the maze. Out of the grass in the maze, Stanley comes out and kicks the Martians. Dusty surprisingly does a high jump as if he were doing an extreme sport.
Dusty: Welcome To The Xander Zone, bitches!
Gina: Look out, below! Twat waffles!
Bob: The tour guides are here!
Linda: About time they showed up!
Dusty jumped on some of the 'Martians' thus crushing them, while Gina used some Mortal Kombat style moves on them. The Martians were all soon dead from being beaten.
Tina: That was awesome!
Gene: Who knew tour guides can kick ass!
Linda: Gene, language!
Louise: How can we ever show our thanks?
As Dusty and Gina were going to show the Belchers out of the maze, Stanley comes and kicked them all in the buttocks.
Bob: What was that for?
Linda (yelps): Son of a....
Tina: Our parents we can understand, but do you have to kick us kids too?
Louise: Woah!
Gene: Knock it off!
Stanley: Oh sorry! I'm The Priest That Kicks People! I kicked a lot of ass in Mexico in 1746!
Gene: I seriously doubt that you were even alive back then.
Gina: Okay! That's it! Shut up now! We're taking you out of this maze.
Bob: Thank God! I can't stand another minute in here!
Dusty: Now we'll take you to the resort!
Gina, Stanley, and Dusty were leading the Belchers out of the maze and into the resort.
Dusty: Hey, Gina! Wasn't it cool how I jumped like that?
Gina: That was fucking awesome! Sexy too! Where did you learn to do that?
Dusty: Those xXx movies! Xander Cage is my idol! They're the shit!
Gina: It shows.
Tina: Can you tone down the profanity?
Louise: Keep it up! I actually like it!
Dusty: This is the moment we've all been waiting for....the piece de resistance!
Stanley: When I was in France I had a fling with Rene Berthier!
Linda: We have kids, so keep your sex stories to yourself please.
Dusty, Stanley, and Gina were finally out of the maze along with the Belchers and they show them the resort.
Bob: We made it!
Linda: It's so exquisite!
Tina: It's such a wonder!
Gene: Hope there's a water slide!
Louise: I go on it first!
Stanley: All yours, fellas! Enjoy yourselves!
The Belchers all run to the resort. Only to bump into the building and then have the building fall over sideways. The 'resort' turned out to be a huge cardboard cutout of a building.
Bob: I'm speechless. I'm at a loss for words.
Linda: We came all this way for nothing?!?!!
Gene: Is this your idea of a joke?!?!?
Tina sees two creatures coming their way.
Louise: What are you looking at, Tina.
Tina: WHAT ARE THOSE?!?!?!?
The 'creatures' turn out to be Lobo from movies like Bride Of The Monster and The Unearthly. The other was Go-Mar from Doctor of Doom.
Gene: NOT THIS AGAIN!!!!
Lobo: Time Fo' Go To Bed!
Go-Mar: RRRRROOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
Tina: Tour guides! Priest dude! We sure can use your help again!
Lobo: Time Fo' Go To Bed! Time Fo' Go To Bed! Time Fo' Go To Bed! Time Fo' Go To Bed! Time Fo' Go To Bed!
Go-Mar: RRRRWWWWWAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!
As Lobo and Go-Mar were slowly approaching the Belchers. Both were shot in the head from above. Down came Randall and Bullet in parachutes.
Randall (laughs): You gullible mother fuckers!
Bob: What in the hell were they??!!
Bullet: You guys don't know your B-Movies very well! That was Tor Johnson as Lobo! Go-Mar was from Doctor of Doom!
Gene: You mean from The Fantastic Four?
Randall: NNNNOOO! From the 1963 Mexican Wrestler movie!
Bullet: Besides, those were just robots! You thought they were real!
Bob: Guess we did.
Dusty: Now's the time to tell you the truth about everything.
Gina: We tricked you into coming here because we hated your restaurant food!
Linda: WHHHAAAA?
Randall: Right on! You may have pleased the other Paradise Residents with your food, but not us!
Bullet: Your food tasted like a mutated and deformed penis! We hated it so much we wanted to run you out of town!
Gina: Speaking of private parts your food tasted like a jizzed up butthole!
Tina: Oh my. We're sorry you didn't like our food.
Dusty: Oh Oh Oh! Let me think of something. Your burgers and fries tasted like they were marinated with zebra urine!
Randall: We wanted to put you all though this hell.
Bob: You lead us on about a resort and....
Bullet: That's what we wanted you to think! But it was too late when you figured out....
Randall: THERE WAS NO RESORT!
Bob: Fine. We can take our business elsewhere.
Gina: That's what happens when you piss off a police force!
Dusty: Yeah, we were happy with just having Goopy Goobers and Red Lobster until you mother fuckers showed up.
Louise: These policemen are fun! I want to be mean policeman someday!
Randall: Your Bob's Burgers was the restaurant nobody asked for.
Bullet: We just wanted to get back at you for bringing crappiness to our town.
Bob: Well, guys. We'll try someplace else.
Linda: Or we could go back to Ocean City.
Tina: I like the second option.
Gene: Is there any way we can get out of this island?
Bob: Know what! We don't care what you police think. Bob's Burgers is staying.
Linda: If you hate us, stay away!
Randall: Whatever you say.....Another thing.
The Belchers turn to hear what Bullet and Randall has to say.
Bullet: Those weren't real Martians.
Randall: They were people we hired to pretend to be Martians. Dusty and Gina here killed them.
Bob, Linda, Louise, Gene, and Tina all stare with shock and horror. Gina and Dusty took a bow.
Randall: Come on, Paradise PD! Let's go home! We had enough fun here in the Bahamas.
Bob: Wait! Can we come too?
Dusty: No! You can't come with us!
Gina: Find your own way back!
Stanley continues to kick the Belchers dressed as a priest.
Randall: It's over, Stanley!
Stanley, Randall, Gina, Bullet, and Dusty well went inside their jet to go home. The Belchers were eventually picked up by a boat.
Scene 11:
Coming out of Ripple Junction. Fitz, Brett, and Zeta were dressed like geeks to blend in with Kevin, Quohand, Eric, and Dungeon Master. Fitz was wearing a Jojo's Bizzare Adventure Shirt. Brett was wearing a Death Note shirt. Zeta was wearing a Sailor Moon shirt. Fitz and Brett were wearing eye catching bottoms while Zeta just wore jeans.
Brett DeMarco: This is so fucking mortifying!
Fitz: We have to do whatever it takes to Puffy back!
Zeta: There's that clubhouse where they all hang out.
Knocking on the clubhouse door. Eric answers it.
Eric: May I help you?
Fitz: Hi, want to include more fellow geeks to your club?
Eric: Sure come on in! But not the girl.
Zeta: WHAT?! WHY!
Fitz (whispers to Zeta): Leave this to us. Wait outside. Too dangerous.
Zeta: Okay.
Eric lets in Fitz and Brett. He introduces them to Quohand and Dungeon Master.
Quohand: Hey, Eric. Who are these guys?
Eric: Oh these are some geeks who want to hang out with us.
Dungeon Master: Love those anime shirts they have on.
Eric: Their pants are even cooler.
Fitz: I know right! I'm loving this geek sheik! So, what do you guys like to do?
Brett DeMarco: Let me guess, defeat some clown named Pennywise, right?
Eric: No, nothing like that. We like Dungeons and Dragons. Anime, Sci-Fi!
Brett DeMarco: Do you guys like to blow up....
Fitz (bumps Brett and whispers): I'm gaining their trust.
Dungeon Master: What's this thing you said about blowing up?
Fitz: No no no! Forget I said.....
Eric: You're geeks! We're more than happy to let you in on what we do.
Quohand: Including blowing things up!
Fitz: Is there anything in particular that you want to blow up?
Quohand: You guys are new. Sorry, we can't let you in on that yet.
Brett DeMarco: When can you?
Eric: At a proper time. Right now, we're not trying to do anything drastic and.....
Fitz and Brett DeMarco take off their 'geek clothes' and reveal themselves. Quohand, Eric, and Dungeon Master shiver in fear.
Eric: It's those Kingpin and Pharmaceutical dudes!
Fitz: We're not that anymore. We're now leaders of Lovely Corp!
Brett DeMarco (grabs Dungeon Master by the shirt collar): WHERE'S PUFFY?
Dungeon Master: I have no idea who Puffy is!
Outside the clubhouse, Zeta finds a coffee maker and decides to use it.
Zeta: Hmmmmm......
Brett DeMarco: LIAR! WE KNOW YOU HAVE HIM! (shakes Dungeon Master)
Eric: Look we have no idea what you're talkng about!
Quohand: Unless you're talking about Puff The Magic Dragon!
Fitz (screams in Eric's face): I WANT THE TRUTH!
Eric: THE TRUTH?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco use knock out spray on Eric, Quohand, and Dungeon Master. Then the run out of the clubhouse with Zeta soon joining them on their way to find Puffy!
Scene 12 Conclusion:
Miles away from the clubhouse, Kevin was coaching Puffy to put the equipment to build the bomb and puts it into the drone.
Kevin: That's a great job, Puffy! Keep it up and you'll be a full fledged spy!
Fitz, Zeta, and Brett DeMarco all run and they see everything. Puffy, Kevin and the drone.
Brett DeMarco: We found them!
Fitz: KEVIN CRAWFORD! YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Kevin: Fitz?! Brett DeMarco?! What in the fuck is this!
Puffy: Who're they?
Brett DeMarco tackled Puffy, while Fitz tackled Kevin in a similiar fashion. Zeta throws coffee from the coffee maker in Kevin's face.
Kevin (glubs): I'm drowning! I'm drowning!
Fitz: Zeta! Why did you follow us? This is too dangerous for you.
Zeta: Found this coffee maker in their clubhouse. I assumed it would be hot.
Brett DeMarco: Should've stayed behind.
Zeta: But I want to help.
Fitz: You kicked Kevin's ass! I'll give you credit for that!
Kevin runs away crying and rubbing his eyes.
Fitz and Brett DeMarco try to jog Puffy's memory.
Brett DeMarco: Puffy, it's us your bosses.
Puffy: No! My only bosses were those spies.
Fitz: They weren't spies, they were just a bunch of loser nerds.
Puffy: I never seen you guys before in my life.
Fitz: OKay. It's obvious he has amnesia.
Brett DeMarco: How do we get him back to normal?
Zeta: What about this drone?
Fitz: We'll worry about that later. Now, let's put Puffy first.
Brett and Zeta watch as Fitz hits Puffy over the head with a thick treebranch.
Fitz: Remember Puffy! Remember!
Puffy: Danger Will Robinson! Danger Will Robinson! Danger Will Robinson!
Brett DeMarco: That didn't work. (rolls eyes)
Zeta: Hit him again!
Fitz hits Puffy over the head with the same thick treebranch.
Brett DeMarco: Puffy! You are a man in a cigarette costume!
Fitz: Do you recognize us? We're your bosses Fitz and Brett!
Puffy (talks like Lenny and Marge Simpson): Dental Plan! Lisa Needs Braces! Dental Plan! Lisa Needs Braces! Dental Plan! Lisa Needs Braces! Dental Plan! Lisa Needs Braces! Dental Plan! Lisa Needs Braces!
Fitz: Enough of this shit!
Hitting Puffy over the head once more, Puffy was back to normal.
Puffy: Where am I? Fitz! Brett! I'm so sorry I promoted a useless product.
Fitz: It's okay, Puffy. We've decided to keep you on the team.
Puffy: You mean it?
Brett DeMarco: Of course. We're rehiring you as a team member. Welcome back to Lovely Corp.
Puffy: YAY! I GET TO STAY AT LOVELY CORP!
Fitz: Now that we have Puffy back, what'll we do about this drone?
Brett DeMarco: Have it blow up someplace else.
Discovering the drone was aimed at Lovely Corp, Brett was able to change it's coorindates and launched it!
Puffy: What will we have for launch!
Zeta: We missed your funny jokes. Welcome back, pal! You were brainwashed by Kevin and his geeks.
Puffy: Is that what happened?
Fitz: Hey, Brett. Where did you make that drone land on?
Brett DeMarco: Hopefully, Paradise PD Headquarters!
Fitz: If we can only be so lucky!
Zeta, Puffy, Fitz and Brett all head back to Lovely Corp. Never to fire Puffy again. Meanwhile, the drone was going to land on the Bob's Burgers restaurant! The Belchers came back to Paradise on a boat. The drone lands on Bob's Burgers blowing it up into Kingdom Come. When the Belcher family sees the damage that the drone did, Bob cries in despair!
Bob: NNNNNNNOOOOOOO! My restaurant! WHY! WHY! WHY!
Linda: Oh Bob! (sobs) All the heart we put into this. (sobs)
Tina: What'll we do now?
The Paradise PD were back in town. Randall was driving and Dusty, Bullet, and Gina were inside laughing at the Belchers and their misfortune!
Bullet: So much for opening for shitty ass restaurant here!
Randall: You and your fast food can go to hell!
Gina: Look on the bright side, you can build a store that sells explosives!
Dusty: You can call it, Bob's Bomb Shells! Or even better, Bob's MOABs! (laughs) Get it?
When the Paradise PD continue to laugh. The Belchers decide to leave Paradise, and decide to forget they ever moved there. The scene changes to Dusty in a room sitting on a chair turning off a TV screen.
Dusty: And that's how we kicked out Bob's Burgers and that pathetic ass Belcher family out of our town. This is Dusty Marlow signing off for Paradise PD! See you again soon!
Gina (peeps though a doorway): The episode is over. Come on back!
Dusty: Coming! Thank for you letting me be the narrator! Even if it was for a little while! Good night everyone!
Ending the episode, Dusty joins Gina for another Paradise PD adventure!
THE END
Fanfic Title
Take These Burgers and Shove Them!
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
An aeroplane is seen flying over a clear blue ocean. Lime And The Coconut by Harry Nilsson plays. The aeroplane soon lands on an island in the Bahamas. Then a lighthouse is shown. Bullet runs up the stairs to ring the bell.
Bullet (rings the bell): De Plane! De Plane!
The aeroplane comes to a stop. Out comes Bob Belcher and his family. Wife Linda. Daughters Tina and Louise. And their son, Gene. They were being lead by Dusty and Gina to the lighthouse. Outside the lighthouse, Randall Crawford greets the Belcher family. Instead of wearing his usual police chief uniform. Randall was now wearing a white suit and sipping a Pina Colada. Bullet soon joins him.
Bob: Wow! What a beautiful place this is.
Linda: Can't wait to see what it has to offer!
Randall: Good afternoon, Belcher Family! Welcome to Pump Up The Jam island!
Tina: Don't you mean, Fantasy Island?
Randall: It's that too. Anyway, we are here to make your fantasy vacation come true!
A record needle scratch is heard. Dusty narrates.
Dusty: Hi Y'all! Dusty Marlow here! You're all probably wondering why we're in the Bahamas with the Belcher family from Bob's Burgers. Well, let me take y'all back to the beginning!
A caption reads: A week earlier. At the steps of the Paradise City Hall. Mayor Karen Crawford is with Bob Belcher who shakes his hand.
Karen: Congratulations, Bob Belcher! For bringing a new restaurant into Paradise. Ladies and Gentlemen! 26 genders too! I proudly hereby declare the opening of Bob's Burgers in Paradise!
An crowd of people gave a round of applause. Anton cuts the ribbon to the new Bob's Burgers restuarant and the crowd chants. "BOB BELCHER" "BOB BELCHER" "BOB BELCHER"!
A caption reads, "FIVE DAYS LATER". Bob's Burger's restuarant was thriving. It was beating out competition away from Goopy Goopers and even Red Lobster. After a hard day of work, Bob says goodbye to some satisfied customers.
Bob: Good bye! Hope to see you again!
Linda: Wow, Bob! I can't believe in just 5 days people are just batshit crazy about our restuarant!
Bob: I know, I certainly agree.
Tina: Can we go back to Ocean City soon? I miss it there.
Gene: You heard what Dad said, Tina. We're just here in Paradise for the cold months.
Louise: It's so hot here you can fry pancakes on the sidewalk.
Bob: You really want to go back to Ocean City? Puh-leese! Look how much service we're getting here in this town!
Linda: Your Dad is right, kids. From now on we'll be like snow birds. North in the summer, South in the winter.
Louise: Just like birds do for real.
Bob: So far, everyone in Paradise likes our burgers.
Linda: I'm surprised the local police here didn't try our food.
Bob: Could be they haven't discovered it yet. I'm sure they will.
Scene 2:
Driving to Paradise PD Police Headquarters. Randall drives by the Bob's Burgers Restuarant.
Randall: Whaaaa? Bob's Burgers?!?! What're they doing here?
Once Randall arrived at Paradise PD Headquarters, he enters the conference room. With a shocked look on his face. Everyone was there except Kevin.
Gina: Hey, Randall! Why do you look like Humphrey Bogart in Dark Passage?
Randall: You won't believe who came to our town today.
Dusty: Is it Corky Romano?
Randall: NO NO NO! Not that cock sucking shit!
Bullet: Who is it, then? Walter White and Jesse Pinkman I hope....
Randall: Bob's Burgers!
Stanley: Oh I get it. You must mean Elias Big Boy!
Randall: Again! Bob's Burgers is here in Paradise!
Dusty: Should we try to see if their food is any good?
Gina (on her iphone): The restaurant is getting great reviews here.
Bullet: Know what? Let's just let today go and go see about this Bob's Burgers place!
Dusty: Awesome Bullet! I can go for a bite to eat!
Gina: If people here like the food, we should try it.
Randall: OKay! Fine! Bob's Burgers it is! You Bullet! You're going to go order the food!
Bullet: Sure, what does everyone want there?
Randall, Stanley, Gina, and Dusty all say what type of burgers they want.
Bullet: I'll just get the special for everyone then. Wait, how am I going to pay for all this?
Randall: Use Stanley's credit card.
Stanley: WHAT?!?!?!
On his way to Bob's Burgers. Bullet goes and orders the food. After a while, Bullet comes back with everyone's orders.
Bullet: Fuck! You would not begin to fathom how long I had to wait! Guess you can say I have 'No Reservations' about this! (laughs) Get it? Like that movie!
Randall: Shut the fuck up and give us our food!
Dusty: I heard Bob's Burgers is beating out Goopy Goopers.
Gina: What are we waiting for? Let's see if these twat waffles make any good burgers and fries!
Once the Paradise PD ate the burgers, sodas, and fries they ordered from Bob's Burgers. They hated what they were eating.
Randall: God dammit! These Burgers are SHIT!
Bullet (spits): I've had crack balls that tasted better than this fucking ass......(spits) I can't even talk!
Gina: Bob's Burgers won't hear anything good I have to say about this garbage food!
Stanley: It's like I'm eating Steve McQueen in The Blob!
Dusty: Even the french fries taste like ass!
Bullet: So, everyone else here in town loves Bob's Burgers....except us.
Randall: You thinking what I'm thinking.....
Bullet: Uhhh, not really.
Randall: What usually happens when people piss off the police?
Bullet: Uhhhh, Oh wait! I see what you want to do here! I say we run Bob's Burgers out of town!
Randall: I'm glad you figured it out, but I get the credit for it!
Bullet: Understood!
Stanley: Bet your sweet bippy we can! I've had better food at Whitey's Wonderbar!
Gina: How are we going to get rid of them?
Dusty: Yeah, their shitty food is making me miss Goopy Goopers!
Randall: I know a way. We'll lure them to an island in the Bahamas.
Bullet: I have a secret bank account there, for reasons all my own.
Randall: Relax! We're not going after your money. We'll pretend like we love their food, and give them a free vacation to a private island there.
Dusty: It's not anywhere near Acklins. Because that's where my Diddy trains his Strawberry Action Squad.
Gina: How we are going to pull this off?
Randall: Easy, Gina. Just leave everything to me!
Scene 3:
At a clubhouse in the woods. Kevin and his larping friends, Quohand, Eric, and Dungeon Master were inside.
Kevin: I have some totally awesome news! My Dad gave me the whole week off!
Eric: Good thing he did! We're out of school for 2 weeks.
Kevin: You didn't let me finish. I say we can spend this week trying to take down Lovely Corp.
Quohand: Wow!
Dungeon Master: That'll be cool. Just think, if we take down Lovely Corp, we'll be heroes!
Kevin (stands on a table): In this clubhouse! I AM KING! WHO IS KING? WHO IS...KING!....KING!.....KING!!!!!!
Quohand, Eric, and Dungeon Master: YOU ARE KING, KEVIN! YOU ARE! YOU ARE!
Kevin steps down from the table. Then Eric asks him a question.
Eric: How are we going to do it?
Kevin: Oh shit. I haven't thought that far ahead. We'll just have to be patient.
At Lovely Corp. Frank Flipperfist, Pedro Pooptooth, and The Russian Mobster were showing Fitz and Brett DeMarco some Lovely Corp products.
Fitz: Thank you, gentlemen. That is all for now.
Frank Flipperfist, Pedro Pooptooth, and The Russian Mobster take their leave.
Fitz: Who's next, Brett.
Brett DeMarco: Puffy the Cigarette.
Fitz: Puffy! Pull it out here!
Puffy the Cigarette comes out and shows a seven bread toaster.
Fitz: Explain this product, Puffy.
Puffy The Cigarette: This here is a toaster that can fit seven slices of bread.
Brett DeMarco: Is there a point to any of this?
Puffy The Cigarette: Yes, it's very useful! And people will love to use it.
Fitz: OKay, explain how it can be beneficial.
Puffy The Cigarette: Well, not only toast. But waffles, pop tarts and...
Fitz: Stop right there!
Puffy The Cigarette: Why? What's the problem?
Fitz: Nobody is going to give a flying fucking rat's ass about a seven bread toaster!
Brett DeMarco: Typical of you, Puffy to present something that nobody is going to want a use for.
Puffy The Cigarette: But...but....but...
Fitz: No buts about it, Puffy! I have no idea why we even keep you around. You're fired!
Puffy The Cigarette: You can't fire me! Because I quit anyway!
Brett DeMarco: Okay, we'll show you the door!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco both pick up Puffy as he protested. Fitz throws Puffy onto the concrete. Fitz and Brett walk back inside.
Brett DeMarco: Did you see the way he was screaming and trying to wiggle his way out of our grasp?
Fitz (laughs): Yeah, he reminded me of Tony Clifton from Man On The Moon!
Picking himself up, Puffy The Cigarette walks away. Feeling like a failure, Puffy doesn't know where to go. That is until Robbie and Delbert speed by him in a car and throw a crowbar that landed on his head.
Robbie: Heads up, mother fucker!
Delbert: Yeah, we got 'em good!
As Puffy laid unconscious. Robbie and Delbert sped away. That's when Kevin, Quohand, Eric, and Dungeon Master find him when they exit their clubhouse.
Eric: Holy fucking shit, man!
Quohand: A real live cigarette....and we're not talking Joe Camel!
Dungeon Master: Nah, it's gotta be some dude in a costume!
Kevin: I think we found someone who will help us, you guys!
Scene 4:
The very next day, The Paradise PD are taking a jet to the Bahamas. Bullet is singing karaoke as entertainment.
Bullet (singing): Hey, There Little Red Riding Hood! You Sure Are Looking Good! You're Everything That A Big Bad Wolf Could Want....
Dusty: I don't get it. Why are WE flying to the Bahamas?
Randall: We need to get there first! This is going to be a huge project on our hands.
Gina: Now that we're flying there, how about we call the Belcher family on their phone.
Randall: Great idea, Gina.
Gina hands Randall a cellphone, Randall uses it to call the Belcher family. Bob answers the phone.
Bob: Bob's Burgers!
Randall: Congratulations, Mr. Belcher! You just won yourself a free vacation!
Bob: Really? That's so awesome!
Linda (walks in): Who's on the phone.
Bob: Apparently someone just offered us a free vacation!
Linda: Wow! That's amazing! Wonder where? Ask them!
Bob: Where is this vacation located?
Randall: The Bahamas of course! Tell you what, I'll set you up with a flight that goes straight to the Bahamas! Oh and bring your kids with you too!
Bob: Wow! A family vacation!
Randall: I know a flight that's going to take off. So get to the Airport as soon as you can!
Bob: I sure will..
Randall: Consider this your reward for bringing Bob's Burgers to Paradise! And now you'll get a paradise of your own!
Bob: That's excellent. Thank you! Goodbye! Kids, pack your bags! We're going on vacation!
Tina: Whatever for?
Gene: Didn't we just get settled here?
Linda: It's a reward of some sort that our restuarant is such a big hit!
Louise: Oh boy! I'm bringing my favorite bunny ears!
Back on the jet, Stanley was flying to the Bahamas.
Stanley: Where the hell are we going to?
Dusty: The Bahamas, Stanley!
Stanley: OKay! I thought we were going to Normandy Beach!
Gina: We never should've trusted Stanley to fly this jet.
Bullet: Isn't anyone paying attention to my karaoke? You guys just don't appreciate Solid Gold Oldies!
Scene 5:
Once the jet lands. Randall takes Bullet, Stanley, Gina, and Dusty to a remote island in the Bahamas that has a lighthouse and a grassy maze. Some townspeople from far away were watching them. Meanwhile, the Belchers got their flight in time and were now on their way to the Bahamas.
Randall: Okay! This is what we're going to do. Dusty and Gina you guys are going to be tour guides.
Dusty and Gina: Right. Sure.
Randall: Bullet, when the Belchers come, you run up to the lighthouse and ring the bell!
Bullet: Cool!
Stanley: What about me? What do I get to do?
Randall: I'll think of a role for you. Anyway, we are going to pull a Fantasy Island on these Belcher mother fuckers!
Gina: Yeah! That'll teach those twat waffles to bring shit food to our town.
Dusty: Fantasy Island? Wait, why can't I be Tattoo? I have a high pitched voice like him.
Randall: Bullet is better fitting for the role because he's short.
Bullet: Better luck next time! (gives Dusty the middle finger)
Dusty (whining): BBBHHHAAAAAHHHHHH! But, I don't wanna be a tour guide! (jumps around and has a tantrum) I wanna be Tattoo! I WANNA BE TATTOO!!!!!
Randall: You're being a tour guide and that's my final order! (points at Dusty's face)
Gina: Go along with him.
Dusty: It fucking sucks that I can't be Tattoo! Who am I supposed to be?!?!!?
Randall: You can be Perkins from BJ and The Bear for all I care!
Dusty: Wait a second. Wasn't Perkins on that Sheriff Lobo spinoff?
Randall: THAT'S ENOUGH BULL SHIT!
When Randall screamed, the sound filled the air that attracted the townspeople. A middle aged man was running over to where the lighthouse was.
Man: Oh boy! Someone must be filming a movie!
His wife screams out to him.
Woman: No! No! No! Get back here, you're sick!
Man: Fuck you, bitch! I'm going anyway! You act like I'm going to spread my Hepatitis B around!
Soon more townspeople come to see what Randall, Bullet, Gina, Stanley, and Dusty are doing. Randall and Bullet soon take notice.
Randall: Why the fuck are these people coming to us?
Dusty: They want to know what we're doing.
Gina: They think we're film directors.
Bullet: No shit there! It's like that scene in After The Fox. My favorite Peter Sellers movie I may add!
Man #1: Say, hello. Can we be a part of whatever it is you're doing here.
Man #2: Yes, please?
Randall: Okay! You guys can all come!
The men and women all cheered.
Stanley: You still haven't found a part for me, yet.
Bullet: How about you be the Priest Who Kicks People like Guns For San Sebastian?
Randall: Good enough! Okay! Here's what you all are going to do.......
Scene 6:
Kevin, Quohand, Dungeon Master and Eric all dragged Puffy into the clubhouse. Puffy was waking up from being knocked out.
Eric: He's one of us!
Dungeon Master: Definately one of us!
Puffy the Cigarette: Where am I? Who am I?
Kevin: Let's just say that we are your friends.
Puffy the Cigarette: Friends? What do we do together?
Dungeon Master: You Mr. Cigarette are the chosen one!
Kevin: Yes of course!
Puffy The Cigarette: What was I chosen to do?
Eric (Whispers): What should we say....
Kevin: I know! You are a spy!
Puffy The Cigarette: A spy? For what?
Kevin: You will help us build a bomb.
Puffy The Cigarette: A bomb?
Quohand: Yes, to blow up Lovely Corp!
Dungeon Master: An evil corporate company that's taken over our town!
Puffy The Cigarette: Okay. How do I build this bomb?
Kevin: Leave that to us!
Puffy: Bomb? I don't think I like this very much.
Eric: Oh come on! It'll be cool!
Kevin: Yeah, don't you want to be, "Spies Like Us"? (curls his fingers)
Puffy The Cigarette: Fine, I'll do it!
Kevin: YES!
At Lovely Corp, Fitz and Brett DeMarco were walking around talking about their sales.
Fitz (looking at the sales on an iphone): Those products were selling are a huge success. Michael Douglas was right, Greed Works!
Brett DeMarco: Those ones Frank and Pedro were introducing to us......
Frank and Pedro run to Fitz and Brett.
Pedro Pooptooth: Have you guys seen Puffy?
Frank Flipperfist: Yes, how did his product work out?
Fitz: We kicked him out. His product was useless.
Brett DeMarco: It was a seven slice toaster of all things.
Frank Flipperfist: We need Puffy.
Pedro Pooptooth: Bring him back!
Frank Flipperfist: He's a valuable member of Lovely Corp.
Fitz: You guys are right. We'll rehire him.
Brett DeMarco: I think we left him on the concrete.
Fitz and Brett DeMarco go to the front door, Zeta soon joins him.
Zeta: What's going on, Daddy Fitz.
Fitz: We fired Puffy and now I deeply regret it.
Zeta: Can I find him too?
Brett DeMarco: Sure you can. Stay out of danger.
Once Fitz, Brett, and Zeta go to the front door and Puffy was gone.
Fitz: PUFFY! PUFFY! Come back! I'm sorry for firing you!
Brett DeMarco: You deserve a second chance.
Fitz (searching high and low): I'm afraid he's gone!
Brett DeMarco: You're right. He's nowhere to be seen.
Zeta: If he's lost who knows where he is.
Fitz: This is the price I pay for being too harsh on him.
Brett DeMarco: Puffy was a buffoon, and you never liked buffoons.
Fitz: Why do you have to be so brutally honest?!?!?!
Wallowing in remorse, Fitz falls to the ground and cries.
Scene 7:
Just as before. An aeroplane is seen flying over a clear blue ocean. Lime And The Coconut by Harry Nilsson plays. The aeroplane soon lands on an island in the Bahamas. Then a lighthouse is shown. Bullet runs up the stairs to ring the bell.
Bullet (rings the bell): De Plane! De Plane!
The aeroplane comes to a stop. Out comes Bob Belcher and his family. Wife Linda. Daughters Tina and Louise. And their son, Gene. They were being lead by Dusty and Gina to the lighthouse. Outside the lighthouse, Randall Crawford greets the Belcher family. Instead of wearing his usual police chief uniform. Randall was now wearing a white suit and sipping a Pina Colada. Bullet soon joins him.
Bob: Wow! What a beautiful place this is.
Linda: Can't wait to see what it has to offer!
Randall: Good afternoon, Belcher Family! Welcome to Pump Up The Jam island!
Tina: Don't you mean, Fantasy Island?
Randall: It's that too. Anyway, we are here to make your fantasy vacation come true!
Bob: This looks amazing! Where do we start?
Bullet: What you need to do is go through that grassy maze.
Linda: Where does it lead?
Randall: It leads to a resort that's what!
Tina: I'm good at getting through mazes.
Gene: Why the maze? Mind if I ask?
Randall: Our tour guides here will guide you though.
Bullet: Other than that. Enjoy your stay at Pump Up The Jam Island!
Dusty: This way, please.
When Gina and Dusty were showing the Belchers to the grassy maze. It was a long maze.
Gina: Okay, Belchers this is where you get off.
Louise: Wow! I'll bet this is going to be like Rollerball!
Gina: Need anything. Get in trouble, you know who to call.
Dusty and Gina make their departure. The Belchers go inside the maze.
Gene: Well, let's make the most of this.
Dusty and Gina go back to the lighthouse.
Randall: This is our cue to make some chaos!
Dusty: What're we going to do about the Belchers?
Bullet: Remember those townspeople who wanted to be a part of this?
Gina: Yes, those fools who think we are doing a movie?
Randall: Exactly. Let's just say a "Martian Invasion" is going to happen.
Dusty: Oh boy! We going to get Marvin The Martian after them?
Randall: I'll give you a hint, it's going to be something about of a Robert L. Lippert movie!
Gina: Think I already know. Rocketship XM I wager.
Bullet: Oh, and Dusty and Gina. You both be ready to kick some ass so we can make it seem like we're saving them.
Bob leads the way around the grassy maze. Linda grows worried.
Linda: This maze is getting very spooky.
Gene: I don't think I like this vacation.
Tina: We keep running into dead ends.
Louise: This is getting boring! I want action! I want excitement!
Bob: Maybe there will be some excitement once we reach this resort.
Suddenly, a whole bunch of rocks land beside the Belchers.
Louise: YES! Finally! Things are starting to turn around!
Linda: I wouldn't be so sure about this.
Tina (gets hit with a rock): Ahhhh! knocked out my glasses.
Gene (gets hit with a bunch of rocks): AAAAAAAHHHHH!
Bob: GENE! Oh, no!
Gene (gets up): I'm fine.
Linda: Who the hell is doing this to us?
When Tina gets her glasses, a whole bunch of 'Martians' come from behind the Belcher family.
Bob: HOLY CRAP!
Gene: WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY?!?!!?!
The "Martians" are now chasing the Belcher family throwing rocks at them.
Bob: Why didn't we see a brochure first!
Linda: They said the tour guides are going to help us!
Tina: Yeah, where are they?!?!?!
Louise: They abandoned us!
Randall and Bullet were watching.
Gina: Should we go in?
Randall: Nah, let them sweat a while.
Scene 8:
Back in Paradise. Kevin gives Puffy a list of things to build a bomb.
Kevin: Go over to the store and get this stuff for our spy club. Do everything we tell you and you will prove yourself to be a very competent spy just like the rest of here!
Puffy The Cigarette: Right!
Eric, Kevin, Quohand, and Dungeon Master show Puffy the way to the store.
Kevin: We can make him our slave!
Quohand: He seems to have lost this memory.
Eric: We can pull an "Overboard" on him!
Kevin: Awesome! My Mom likes the recent version of that movie instead of the original because it's (rolls eyes): 'feminist'.
Shortly, after Puffy bought all the stuff for the explosives.
Puffy The Cigarette: What now?
Kevin: Go home and set up our Dungeons and Dragons board game. This is all a part of your spy training.
Puffy The Cigarette: Yes sir.
Eric: This is so awesome!
Quohand: Are we wrong for taking advantage of him like this?
Kevin: Not at all. We can use him! Just like that little puppy in Devil Dog The Hound From Hell!
On their way back to the clubhouse, Puffy is continuing taking orders from Kevin, Eric, Quohand and Dungeon Master.
Kevin: Thank you, Puffy. Now we want some ice cream floats! Even spies love an ice cream break!
Puffy The Cigarette: What flavors?
Eric: I'll have a root beer with vanilla.
Quohand: I'll have a cherry ice cream with Sprite.
Dungeon Master: I'll have a coke with chocolate.
Kevin: As for me, I'll have a Squirt with Blueberry. Dad always gets pissed when I have that. He's all like, 'WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE ROOT BEER LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?!"
Dungeon Master: Funny impersonation you did of your Dad!
Going off to the ice cream store. Puffy gets the ice cream floats for Kevin and his friends.
Kevin: When he gets back with our ice cream floats, we'll make him build that bomb we have planned.
Overtime, Kevin, Quohand, Eric, and Dungeon Master keep telling Puffy what to do. Everything from sweeping the floor and polishing action figures.
Quohand: Now, alphabetize our porno magazines.
Eric: Yes, and do our laundry!
Kevin: We need our Dune and Naruto clothes and cosplay all cleaned up!
Dungeon Master: Also, catch a Rockruff for my Pokemon Go app!
Puffy The Cigarette: Right friends!
Scene 9:
At Lovely Corp, instead of driving around, Fitz decides to try to track down Puffy on his radar.
Zeta: Find Puffy yet, Daddy Fitz?
Fitz: Nope. We're coming up short.
Brett DeMarco: Keep looking.
Then Fitz spots something coming out of an ice cream store.
Zeta: Could that be him?
Fitz: Damn! We found him! What's Puffy doing going to an ice cream store?
Brett DeMarco: Glad we were able to locate him and he's not lost to us forever.
As Fitz, Zeta, and Brett were watching Puffy on the screen, they see Puffy walking into Kevin's clubhouse.
Zeta: It looks like a wooden clubhouse.
Fitz: Why so it is! There's only one person I know who has a wooden clubhouse.
Brett DeMarco: Who?
Fitz: KEVIN CRAWFORD! (Screams into the air with his fists shaking)
Brett DeMarco: Let's see what Kevin is up to.
Back at the clubhouse. Kevin leads Puffy as he was drinking his ice cream float.
Kevin: Okay Puffy. Got the stuff for the bomb?
Puffy The Cigarette: Affirmative!
Kevin: Perfect. Now I will let you in on my secret project!
Puffy follows Kevin yards away from the clubhouse into a forest. Kevin pulls down a blanket with a drone underneath and pulls it off.
Kevin: Tah Dah!
Puffy The Cigarette: What is that thing?
Kevin: A drone! Soon to be a bomb!
Puffy The Cigarette: Wow! That's awesome! Where did you get that?
Kevin: Dont forget we're spies! You want to know, I stole it from the evidence room where my Dad works as a police chief.
Puffy The Cigarette: What am I supposed to do here?
Kevin: Remember that equipment you bought to make a bomb. You are going to put everything in that drone.
Puffy The Cigarette: Sure thing! You can count on me! Who are we blowing up?
Kevin: Who else? The most evilest corporate organization that's ever come to Paradise.....Lovely Corp!
Puffy The Cigarette! YEAH! LOVELY CORP SUCKS!
Fitz, Brett, and Zeta watched everything and feel threatened. The radar was even programmed to hear conversations.
Brett DeMarco: So that's what happened to Puffy!
Fitz: He must've lost his memory and ran into Kevin and his geeky friends.
Zeta: We need to stop them! We can't have Lovely Corp be destroyed.
Brett DeMarco: Not only that, we can't let Kevin know we're onto him.
Fitz: That's true. To prevent some major bullshit from happening. We're going to have to do the unthinkable guys.
Zeta: What would it be?
Fitz: Pretend to be geeks. That way we can gain their trust.
Brett DeMarco: Of course, Stop the bomb and then get Puffy back!
Fitz: Know of any store where geeks like to shop?
Frank and Pedro run in.
Pedro Pooptooth: What's going on? We can always sense something.
Fitz: Frank! Pedro! I have no time to explain right now. You two are in charge of Lovely Corp while we're gone.
Frank Flipperfist: Since you asked about clothes for geeks, you might want to try Ripple Junction. That's where I buy Jerry his clothes.
Fitz: Thank you! That's very helpful. Now if you'll excuse us. We have a corporation to save!
Frank and Pedro say their goodbyes and wish Fitz, Zeta, and Brett good luck. Now they were on their way to put a halt on what Kevin and his friends are going to do.
Scene 10:
Stuck in the maze with seemingly no way out. Bob, Linda, Gene, Tina, and Louise were surrounded by the "Martians."
Linda: Oooooh! What'll we do now.
Bob: What type of tour guides just abandon people like that?
Gene: Not sure if we should fight or surrender.
Tina: They're so powerful! And we're so weak!
Louise: When I said excitement, I didn't mean this......
At the lighthouse Randall gives the order to Dusty and Gina to attack. Stanley joins too.
Randall: OKay, Dusty, Gina! Get in there!
Bullet: Yes, after you're done show them to that 'resort'!
Gina: I'm on it!
Dusty follows Gina. Stanley comes too and is now dressed as a priest. At the maze, the Belchers were cowering with fear.
Bob: Is this like one of those role play vacations?
Tina: Yes, like that time we were on that train with cowboys?
Linda: Save us! Please! Somebody come and rescue us!
In the sky, Dusty and Gina jump into the maze. Out of the grass in the maze, Stanley comes out and kicks the Martians. Dusty surprisingly does a high jump as if he were doing an extreme sport.
Dusty: Welcome To The Xander Zone, bitches!
Gina: Look out, below! Twat waffles!
Bob: The tour guides are here!
Linda: About time they showed up!
Dusty jumped on some of the 'Martians' thus crushing them, while Gina used some Mortal Kombat style moves on them. The Martians were all soon dead from being beaten.
Tina: That was awesome!
Gene: Who knew tour guides can kick ass!
Linda: Gene, language!
Louise: How can we ever show our thanks?
As Dusty and Gina were going to show the Belchers out of the maze, Stanley comes and kicked them all in the buttocks.
Bob: What was that for?
Linda (yelps): Son of a....
Tina: Our parents we can understand, but do you have to kick us kids too?
Louise: Woah!
Gene: Knock it off!
Stanley: Oh sorry! I'm The Priest That Kicks People! I kicked a lot of ass in Mexico in 1746!
Gene: I seriously doubt that you were even alive back then.
Gina: Okay! That's it! Shut up now! We're taking you out of this maze.
Bob: Thank God! I can't stand another minute in here!
Dusty: Now we'll take you to the resort!
Gina, Stanley, and Dusty were leading the Belchers out of the maze and into the resort.
Dusty: Hey, Gina! Wasn't it cool how I jumped like that?
Gina: That was fucking awesome! Sexy too! Where did you learn to do that?
Dusty: Those xXx movies! Xander Cage is my idol! They're the shit!
Gina: It shows.
Tina: Can you tone down the profanity?
Louise: Keep it up! I actually like it!
Dusty: This is the moment we've all been waiting for....the piece de resistance!
Stanley: When I was in France I had a fling with Rene Berthier!
Linda: We have kids, so keep your sex stories to yourself please.
Dusty, Stanley, and Gina were finally out of the maze along with the Belchers and they show them the resort.
Bob: We made it!
Linda: It's so exquisite!
Tina: It's such a wonder!
Gene: Hope there's a water slide!
Louise: I go on it first!
Stanley: All yours, fellas! Enjoy yourselves!
The Belchers all run to the resort. Only to bump into the building and then have the building fall over sideways. The 'resort' turned out to be a huge cardboard cutout of a building.
Bob: I'm speechless. I'm at a loss for words.
Linda: We came all this way for nothing?!?!!
Gene: Is this your idea of a joke?!?!?
Tina sees two creatures coming their way.
Louise: What are you looking at, Tina.
Tina: WHAT ARE THOSE?!?!?!?
The 'creatures' turn out to be Lobo from movies like Bride Of The Monster and The Unearthly. The other was Go-Mar from Doctor of Doom.
Gene: NOT THIS AGAIN!!!!
Lobo: Time Fo' Go To Bed!
Go-Mar: RRRRROOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
Tina: Tour guides! Priest dude! We sure can use your help again!
Lobo: Time Fo' Go To Bed! Time Fo' Go To Bed! Time Fo' Go To Bed! Time Fo' Go To Bed! Time Fo' Go To Bed!
Go-Mar: RRRRWWWWWAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!
As Lobo and Go-Mar were slowly approaching the Belchers. Both were shot in the head from above. Down came Randall and Bullet in parachutes.
Randall (laughs): You gullible mother fuckers!
Bob: What in the hell were they??!!
Bullet: You guys don't know your B-Movies very well! That was Tor Johnson as Lobo! Go-Mar was from Doctor of Doom!
Gene: You mean from The Fantastic Four?
Randall: NNNNOOO! From the 1963 Mexican Wrestler movie!
Bullet: Besides, those were just robots! You thought they were real!
Bob: Guess we did.
Dusty: Now's the time to tell you the truth about everything.
Gina: We tricked you into coming here because we hated your restaurant food!
Linda: WHHHAAAA?
Randall: Right on! You may have pleased the other Paradise Residents with your food, but not us!
Bullet: Your food tasted like a mutated and deformed penis! We hated it so much we wanted to run you out of town!
Gina: Speaking of private parts your food tasted like a jizzed up butthole!
Tina: Oh my. We're sorry you didn't like our food.
Dusty: Oh Oh Oh! Let me think of something. Your burgers and fries tasted like they were marinated with zebra urine!
Randall: We wanted to put you all though this hell.
Bob: You lead us on about a resort and....
Bullet: That's what we wanted you to think! But it was too late when you figured out....
Randall: THERE WAS NO RESORT!
Bob: Fine. We can take our business elsewhere.
Gina: That's what happens when you piss off a police force!
Dusty: Yeah, we were happy with just having Goopy Goobers and Red Lobster until you mother fuckers showed up.
Louise: These policemen are fun! I want to be mean policeman someday!
Randall: Your Bob's Burgers was the restaurant nobody asked for.
Bullet: We just wanted to get back at you for bringing crappiness to our town.
Bob: Well, guys. We'll try someplace else.
Linda: Or we could go back to Ocean City.
Tina: I like the second option.
Gene: Is there any way we can get out of this island?
Bob: Know what! We don't care what you police think. Bob's Burgers is staying.
Linda: If you hate us, stay away!
Randall: Whatever you say.....Another thing.
The Belchers turn to hear what Bullet and Randall has to say.
Bullet: Those weren't real Martians.
Randall: They were people we hired to pretend to be Martians. Dusty and Gina here killed them.
Bob, Linda, Louise, Gene, and Tina all stare with shock and horror. Gina and Dusty took a bow.
Randall: Come on, Paradise PD! Let's go home! We had enough fun here in the Bahamas.
Bob: Wait! Can we come too?
Dusty: No! You can't come with us!
Gina: Find your own way back!
Stanley continues to kick the Belchers dressed as a priest.
Randall: It's over, Stanley!
Stanley, Randall, Gina, Bullet, and Dusty well went inside their jet to go home. The Belchers were eventually picked up by a boat.
Scene 11:
Coming out of Ripple Junction. Fitz, Brett, and Zeta were dressed like geeks to blend in with Kevin, Quohand, Eric, and Dungeon Master. Fitz was wearing a Jojo's Bizzare Adventure Shirt. Brett was wearing a Death Note shirt. Zeta was wearing a Sailor Moon shirt. Fitz and Brett were wearing eye catching bottoms while Zeta just wore jeans.
Brett DeMarco: This is so fucking mortifying!
Fitz: We have to do whatever it takes to Puffy back!
Zeta: There's that clubhouse where they all hang out.
Knocking on the clubhouse door. Eric answers it.
Eric: May I help you?
Fitz: Hi, want to include more fellow geeks to your club?
Eric: Sure come on in! But not the girl.
Zeta: WHAT?! WHY!
Fitz (whispers to Zeta): Leave this to us. Wait outside. Too dangerous.
Zeta: Okay.
Eric lets in Fitz and Brett. He introduces them to Quohand and Dungeon Master.
Quohand: Hey, Eric. Who are these guys?
Eric: Oh these are some geeks who want to hang out with us.
Dungeon Master: Love those anime shirts they have on.
Eric: Their pants are even cooler.
Fitz: I know right! I'm loving this geek sheik! So, what do you guys like to do?
Brett DeMarco: Let me guess, defeat some clown named Pennywise, right?
Eric: No, nothing like that. We like Dungeons and Dragons. Anime, Sci-Fi!
Brett DeMarco: Do you guys like to blow up....
Fitz (bumps Brett and whispers): I'm gaining their trust.
Dungeon Master: What's this thing you said about blowing up?
Fitz: No no no! Forget I said.....
Eric: You're geeks! We're more than happy to let you in on what we do.
Quohand: Including blowing things up!
Fitz: Is there anything in particular that you want to blow up?
Quohand: You guys are new. Sorry, we can't let you in on that yet.
Brett DeMarco: When can you?
Eric: At a proper time. Right now, we're not trying to do anything drastic and.....
Fitz and Brett DeMarco take off their 'geek clothes' and reveal themselves. Quohand, Eric, and Dungeon Master shiver in fear.
Eric: It's those Kingpin and Pharmaceutical dudes!
Fitz: We're not that anymore. We're now leaders of Lovely Corp!
Brett DeMarco (grabs Dungeon Master by the shirt collar): WHERE'S PUFFY?
Dungeon Master: I have no idea who Puffy is!
Outside the clubhouse, Zeta finds a coffee maker and decides to use it.
Zeta: Hmmmmm......
Brett DeMarco: LIAR! WE KNOW YOU HAVE HIM! (shakes Dungeon Master)
Eric: Look we have no idea what you're talkng about!
Quohand: Unless you're talking about Puff The Magic Dragon!
Fitz (screams in Eric's face): I WANT THE TRUTH!
Eric: THE TRUTH?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco use knock out spray on Eric, Quohand, and Dungeon Master. Then the run out of the clubhouse with Zeta soon joining them on their way to find Puffy!
Scene 12 Conclusion:
Miles away from the clubhouse, Kevin was coaching Puffy to put the equipment to build the bomb and puts it into the drone.
Kevin: That's a great job, Puffy! Keep it up and you'll be a full fledged spy!
Fitz, Zeta, and Brett DeMarco all run and they see everything. Puffy, Kevin and the drone.
Brett DeMarco: We found them!
Fitz: KEVIN CRAWFORD! YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Kevin: Fitz?! Brett DeMarco?! What in the fuck is this!
Puffy: Who're they?
Brett DeMarco tackled Puffy, while Fitz tackled Kevin in a similiar fashion. Zeta throws coffee from the coffee maker in Kevin's face.
Kevin (glubs): I'm drowning! I'm drowning!
Fitz: Zeta! Why did you follow us? This is too dangerous for you.
Zeta: Found this coffee maker in their clubhouse. I assumed it would be hot.
Brett DeMarco: Should've stayed behind.
Zeta: But I want to help.
Fitz: You kicked Kevin's ass! I'll give you credit for that!
Kevin runs away crying and rubbing his eyes.
Fitz and Brett DeMarco try to jog Puffy's memory.
Brett DeMarco: Puffy, it's us your bosses.
Puffy: No! My only bosses were those spies.
Fitz: They weren't spies, they were just a bunch of loser nerds.
Puffy: I never seen you guys before in my life.
Fitz: OKay. It's obvious he has amnesia.
Brett DeMarco: How do we get him back to normal?
Zeta: What about this drone?
Fitz: We'll worry about that later. Now, let's put Puffy first.
Brett and Zeta watch as Fitz hits Puffy over the head with a thick treebranch.
Fitz: Remember Puffy! Remember!
Puffy: Danger Will Robinson! Danger Will Robinson! Danger Will Robinson!
Brett DeMarco: That didn't work. (rolls eyes)
Zeta: Hit him again!
Fitz hits Puffy over the head with the same thick treebranch.
Brett DeMarco: Puffy! You are a man in a cigarette costume!
Fitz: Do you recognize us? We're your bosses Fitz and Brett!
Puffy (talks like Lenny and Marge Simpson): Dental Plan! Lisa Needs Braces! Dental Plan! Lisa Needs Braces! Dental Plan! Lisa Needs Braces! Dental Plan! Lisa Needs Braces! Dental Plan! Lisa Needs Braces!
Fitz: Enough of this shit!
Hitting Puffy over the head once more, Puffy was back to normal.
Puffy: Where am I? Fitz! Brett! I'm so sorry I promoted a useless product.
Fitz: It's okay, Puffy. We've decided to keep you on the team.
Puffy: You mean it?
Brett DeMarco: Of course. We're rehiring you as a team member. Welcome back to Lovely Corp.
Puffy: YAY! I GET TO STAY AT LOVELY CORP!
Fitz: Now that we have Puffy back, what'll we do about this drone?
Brett DeMarco: Have it blow up someplace else.
Discovering the drone was aimed at Lovely Corp, Brett was able to change it's coorindates and launched it!
Puffy: What will we have for launch!
Zeta: We missed your funny jokes. Welcome back, pal! You were brainwashed by Kevin and his geeks.
Puffy: Is that what happened?
Fitz: Hey, Brett. Where did you make that drone land on?
Brett DeMarco: Hopefully, Paradise PD Headquarters!
Fitz: If we can only be so lucky!
Zeta, Puffy, Fitz and Brett all head back to Lovely Corp. Never to fire Puffy again. Meanwhile, the drone was going to land on the Bob's Burgers restaurant! The Belchers came back to Paradise on a boat. The drone lands on Bob's Burgers blowing it up into Kingdom Come. When the Belcher family sees the damage that the drone did, Bob cries in despair!
Bob: NNNNNNNOOOOOOO! My restaurant! WHY! WHY! WHY!
Linda: Oh Bob! (sobs) All the heart we put into this. (sobs)
Tina: What'll we do now?
The Paradise PD were back in town. Randall was driving and Dusty, Bullet, and Gina were inside laughing at the Belchers and their misfortune!
Bullet: So much for opening for shitty ass restaurant here!
Randall: You and your fast food can go to hell!
Gina: Look on the bright side, you can build a store that sells explosives!
Dusty: You can call it, Bob's Bomb Shells! Or even better, Bob's MOABs! (laughs) Get it?
When the Paradise PD continue to laugh. The Belchers decide to leave Paradise, and decide to forget they ever moved there. The scene changes to Dusty in a room sitting on a chair turning off a TV screen.
Dusty: And that's how we kicked out Bob's Burgers and that pathetic ass Belcher family out of our town. This is Dusty Marlow signing off for Paradise PD! See you again soon!
Gina (peeps though a doorway): The episode is over. Come on back!
Dusty: Coming! Thank for you letting me be the narrator! Even if it was for a little while! Good night everyone!
Ending the episode, Dusty joins Gina for another Paradise PD adventure!
THE END
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