Categories > Cartoons > Paradise PD
Witch Way Is Up?
0 reviewsDuring aa Witch Festival. Dusty purchases a record about fairy tales that leads into a Fairy Tale world.
0Unrated
Story: Witch Way Is Out?
by: Zoey Webber
In the streets of Paradise. A prison truck rides by the yearly annual Witch Festival that comes every Halloween. Mayor Karen Crawford thought it would be a good idea to bring in more tourists for the town. Inside the prison truck, Thester Carbomb looks out the window and sighs as he is being transported to another prison.
GUARD: Don't worry, you'll get to go to these festivals again.....in 50 years!
In the Witch Festival. Randall gets word that there is a magical Satanic record somewhere around. Dusty, Gina, Kevin, Bullet, Stanley, are all with Randall who leads the way.
RANDALL: Here we are, men, dog, and woman!
STANLEY: Did I ever tell anyone I had a fling with the Elizabeth Selwyn from City Of The Dead?
DUSTY: Wow! A Witch Festival! Centuries of progress about witchcraft after one rotunda!
BULLET: Hope those actresses from the Craft are here!
RANDALL: shows his badge: Police chief Randall Crawford of the Paradise PD! We're here because we got word that there was a suspicious record that plays Satanic messages on it!
DUSTY: I don't know about this mission. Do we have to?
KEVIN: Afraid so, Dusty.
GINA: Charles Lovely may be gone but his evil legacy sure isn't.
KEVIN: Anyone seen Fitz?
BULLET points to a booth: That's him, there.
Randall and Gina go to where Fitz is in a booth at the Witch Festival.
GINA: Fitz! You're a part of the Paradise PD! Don't you know we're on duty?
FITZ: Actually, I've taken some time off so I can be a part of this Witch Festival.
BULLET: You once told us you were a Wiccan, right?
FITZ: That's correct.
Two other black men were with Fitz. They were his brothers named Dan and Jack.
FITZ: Want to meet my brothers?
KEVIN: No thank you, we're busy.
FITZ: Okay, good luck with your police business. Dan! Jack! Mix some potions at once!
DAN and JACK: Yes sir!
RANDALL: Fuck him anyway.
GINA calling out: Anyone know anything about a Satanic Record around here?
RANDALL: We're not wasting our time asking around.
DUSTY: What do you suggest?
Randall takes out a crossbow, and gives a blow torch to Gina.
KEVIN: Hey, don't we get cool weapons too?
RANDALL: ignoring Kevin: To answer your question, DESTROY EVERYTHING!
GINA: Now you're speaking my language!
Randall and Gina use their crossbow and blow torch to shoot up everything in sight at the Witch Festival. Everything from black magic, elixirs, crystals and staffs. All the accessories in the booths were all leftover from Lovely Corp. Everyone in booths took notice. They were all shocked and didn't understand. Randall then was going to a booth that was selling Fairy Tales. Dusty tries to stop him.
DUSTY: These are Fairy Tales, Randall! The innocent stories for the young and sick for God's sake!
RANDALL holds a crucifix: This IS For God's Sake!
GINA: We're just damaging things that are related to Charles Lovely. Don't worry about your precious Fairy Tales!
BULLET: Gina's right. Everything here is Satanic. And there's still remenants of Lovely Corp.
A woman who was in charge of the Witch Festival walks up to the Paradise PD.
LADY: Uhhh, sirs.
KEVIN: What is it?
BULLET: We don't have time for your fancy......
LADY: I just want to say, thanks for getting rid of things they are related to Satanism.
Dusty sneaks a record that had Fairy Tales on it.
LADY: Sure, we are a Witch Festival. But we are just here for fun not to sell things that actually can be used for WitchCraft.
GINA: We're just putting an end to any evil Charles Lovely left behind.
LADY: Very thoughtful of you. Yes, all of these things are a holdover from that Lovely Corp business that was going on. Carry on.
Randall and Gina continue to use their weapons on the Witch Festival. When their mission was over. Dusty was at his house. He had a record player and was about to play the Fairy Tales record. Unbeknownst to Dusty, that was the record the Paradise PD were looking for.
DUSTY: At least I saved you, Fairy Tales record. No way I will let any of my friends desacrate Fairy Tales that brought so much happiness to kids over the years.
Seeing the Fairy Tales record had a Side A and Side B. Side A was normal Fairy Tales while Side B was Satanic Fairy Tales.
DUSTY: This is going to be more fun than watching Wall Eyed Wally! Which side should I play! Feel like those Nerds Candies from that cereal commercial. looks at both sides Ah! That's it! Side B looks more interesting! Talk about Pirate Radio! laughs That movie was about records!
Playing Side B on the record player. An evil harsh voice begins to play.
VOICE: Hello, boys and girls. Are you ready to hear some fun stories of fantasy! Today we are going to read, The Golden Touch of King Midas!
DUSTY: Oh boy! That was my favorite!
The voice soon faded away and a dimensional door appeared before Dusty. The door had a pentagram on it. Dusty was startled.
DUSTY: What the fuck!!!
The door opens and an evil looking Tom Thumb comes out and sees Dusty!
DUSTY: I hope it doesn't see me!
Tom Thumb stretched his hand out to the door to grab Dusty.
DUSTY: I hope it doesn't grab me!
Tom Thumb grabbed Dusty and pulled him into the dimension door.
DUSTY: IT SAW ME AND GRABBED ME! HHHHEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!
Moments later, an anonymous tip was placed to the Paradise PD that Dusty had disappeared. Bullet, Randall, Gina, Kevin, and Stanley were investigating.
GINA: If I ever get my hands on the twat waffle who did this to Dusty....
RANDALL: Now, if I were Dusty where would I be?
KEVIN: He does love closets.
BULLET looks in Dusty's closet: Not here. Case Closed! Let's go!
STANLEY: He's probably dead.
RANDALL: WAIT A MINUTE!
Kevin, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley have Randall's attention when he sees the record player and the Fairy Tales record Dusty obtained.
GINA: Hey, that was the Satanic record we were looking for!
BULLET: Who knew it was Fairy Tales!
RANDALL: Of course. Because Fairy Tales were scary. Think creepypastas before their time.
KEVIN: Especially all the nightmare fuel that came with them.
BULLET sniffs around the record player and record: A-ha! I'm detecting some kind of interdimensional energy!
KEVIN: That's really smart, Bullet! Could be this record can lead to another dimension, Dad!
RANDALL: Don't be such a douche Kevin. Fairy Tales aren't real. That lead is as dead as Dusty is.
GINA: Dusty is NOT dead! Let's play the record.
Turning the record over to Side A. An angelic voice plays.
VOICE: Hey Kids! Who wants to hear the story of Hansel and Gretel.
Just as before, the voice fades and now a door that leads to Fairy Tale land opens. Everyone walks inside.
RANDALL: Mark my words, once this is over. You'll all see Fairy Tales aren't real!
KEVIN: This is actually kind of exicting! Imagine meeting all these characters from our childhoods!
BULLET: Don't be surprised if anything here ruins your childhood!
STANLEY: I'm going to steal Cinderella's gown while I'm there!
The Paradise PD were now in Fairy Tale land. It consisted of trees, lollipops, and smiling flowers. A street that was made out of candy.
KEVIN: Wow! This place really does exist! Fairy Tales do come true!
RANDALL: If you believe in fake cartoon bullshit!
The Paradise PD were soon stopped by some billy goats.
STANLEY: Who are they?
BILLY GOAT: Why we're the Billy Goats that Gruff!
GINA: What've you done with Dusty??!!
BILLY GOAT: Now now now, hold on. We reside here in Side A of Fairy Tale land.
KEVIN: You guys seen Robin Hood around? He's a fan favorite!
BULLET: Yeah, or Rumpelstilskin? I can have him teach me how to spin straw into gold so I can spend it on DRUGS!
RANDALL: Give me a fucking break!
BULLET sniffs the Billy Goat: He's real all right!
RANDALL: Did you kill Dusty?!?! You fake little gruffing goat!
GINA: We demand to know what you did to Dusty! whispers to Randall I don't believe this shit is real any more than you do.
BILLY GOAT: To find your Dusty friend, you must visit the The Three Bears!
KEVIN: Come on, let's go see the Three Bears!
BULLET: I'm not going to eat that porridge. Unless I can get all horny and full on bestiality on Goldilocks!
Randall slaps the Billy Goat in the face. Gina zones in on it.
GINA: That's not a real answer.
RANDALL: Got that right, we're going back to reality!
As Randall and Gina were about to head out the dimensional door, it closes shut.
GINA: Crap. Guess we're stuck here.
RANDALL: Fine, we'll give into this now. All this is real. We'll follow the Billy Goats and go see the Three Bears to find Dusty in this whimsical very realistic magical kingdom of Fairy Tales.
The Billy Goats were leading the Paradise PD around Fairy Tale land and they were taking them to where the Three Pigs are. While on their way, they see Robin Hood, Snow White, Pinnochio, The Emperor and his so-called "New Clothes", The Frog Prince, and The Pied Piper.
BULLET: Why did the emperor have to be a man? It would've been so much better if it was a naked Empress!
More than 2 miles away, the Paradise PD are now meeting the Three Bears.
ONE BEAR: Your friend Dusty is taken over and assumed the role of All Supreme Dictator of Fairy Land.
Above the Three Bears they see an image of Dusty sitting on the throne and ordering more Fairy Tale characters around as if they were slaves. Such as Jack, Aladdin, and the Ugly Duckling.
BULLET: WOW! Dusty is mad with power!
GINA: Wow! He's even more attractive and handsome than he was before.
KEVIN: Please continue, Three Bears.
TWO BEAR: To find him and restore him back to his original self....
THREE BEAR: You have to collect the three tools and defeat what's making him so extreme and powerful.
ONE BEAR: In case we haven't told you, he's ruling the Evil B Side of our Fairy Tale world.
RANDALL: Paradise PD, its up to us to convince Dusty to come back to the real world.
GINA: Lay it on us you pink skinned twat waffles!
TWO BEAR: Travel to the Evil World. You must find the tools.
THREE BEAR: Then you must answer the impossible riddles.
ONE BEAR: The first tool is the Shield of Knowledge
STANLEY: Shield of Knowledge? Is that like the golden penis?
ONE BEAR: Look! Just Go! Okay!
KEVIN: I have the Fairy Tale App on my Iphone that can locate any place here in Fairy Tale World!
BULLET: Okay Kevin! You seem to be the expert here. Show us around!
Kevin using his Fairly Tale App. It heads to a huge rose garden. Landing before them was a Nightingale.
NIGHTINGALE: What is it that you seek?
RANDALL: Know anything about a Shield of Knowledge?
STANLEY: A Nightingale, hey! I had a fun roll in the hay with one named Florence!
BULLET: This is Fairy Tale land, Stanley! Keep it child friendly!
NIGHTINGALE: I will give you that Shield if you can solve this riddle.
GINA: Give it to us! thinking If we fail, I'm staying here so I can be Dusty's queen.
NIGHTINGALE: Listen carefully. If an Oddlit can float at a pace of six miles per hour. Running at the same rate. How many miles can the Oddlit float in 90 minutes? Is the answer A: 4 miles. B: 6 Miles. Or C: Nine Miles.
Kevin going through his iPhone. He discovers that his Fairy Tale App can solve riddles.
RANDALL: You cheating, there?
KEVIN: C! Nine Miles!
NIGHTINGALE: Correct! HEY! I heard someone mention something about cheating! Is that a cheating device? If it is, I'll be forced to...
KEVIN: NO! It's part of my hand!
GINA: Yeah, he's part robot!
BULLET: Yeah, he's what you can an android!
RANDALL: If you ask me, he should've had one of those in his brain!
NIGHTINGALE: Oh. I apologize for that. Lost it there for a minute. Now you have earned 100% Shield of Knowledge!
A glowing light appears before the Nightingale and gives Kevin the Shield of Knowledge. Once Kevin grabs it, his Iphone falls out of his hand.
NIGHTINGALE: Someone call a medic! That man's hand fell off!
BULLET: We already told you he's a robot! runs off
RANDALL: Robots always have their parts fall off! It should've been his testicles! runs off
KEVIN: YES! Robot! That's it! Nanoo! Nanoo!
Running away, Kevin picks up his Iphone, and Bullet, Stanley, Gina, and Randall all go back to the Three Bears
ONE BEAR: Next you all must travel to the Land of The Elves and the Shoemaker to collect your next tool of defeat. The Laser Shoe.
Kevin leads the way and the Paradise PD end up in the Land of The Elves. The shoemaker and his wife were having a domestic dispute.
SHOEMAKER: You fucking whore! I caught you in bed with one of the elves!
WIFE: Maybe you're the one who's fucking those elves! I've always known you were 'light in the loafers' laughs
RANDALL: Excuse me! We're looking for a Laser Shoe?
SHOEMAKER: Hey, no trespassers on our property!
WIFE: That shoe belongs to us and no one else!
KEVIN: We need it because we have to collect tools to free our friend of evil corruption.
SHOEMAKER: Deal denied!
WIFE: Sick 'em, Elves!
The elves tried to beat up the Paradise PD. However, they were weak fighters. Gina broke their ribs and snapped the elves in half. Kevin punched a couple of elves. Stanley beat on some elves with his cane. Bullet bit four elves, and Randall jumped and stomped on them all under the elves were dead. The Shoemake and his Wife were frightened by the violent blood riddled mess they saw before them.
WIFE: Now you're never going to get the Laser Shoe!
SHOEMAKER: You monsters! We're going to banish you and....
RANDALL: Gina! Finish them off!
Jumping at the Shoemaker and his Wife, Gina punched the Shoemaker and his head flew off. Then Gina kicked the wife sent her flying until the wife landed on a tower that impaled her body. Bullet runs inside the factory and retrieves the Laser Shoe.
RANDALL: Good job everybody!
KEVIN: Now we need the third tool and Dusty will be back with us!
Coming back to the Three Bears. They give the Paradise PD the final task.
BEAR ONE: The final task is the easiest of them all. Tell them.
BEAR TWO: You must find the Tool of Defeat from The Teacup Saint.
BULLET: Thanks guys!
Kevin spots the teacups in the Fairy Tale world. There they see two kids with their heads in a gullotine crying their eyes out.
RANDALL: I thought this was Fairy Tale world, not France!
Before they can do anything else, the Tea Cup Saint comes to greet them.
TEACUP SAINT: Espiritus Santos, Paradise PD!
KEVIN: How do you know us?
TEACUP SAINT: I know all!
STANLEY: Tell us where we can find this third tool of defeat?
TEACUP SAINT: All you need to do is pick a child who's story is most keen. The other will meet my
gullotine.
KEVIN: Okay, we need to hear their stories.
BOY: Little Boy Blue Come Blow Your Horn. Sheep's in The Meadow. The Cow's In the Corn.
GIRL: Little Miss Muffet Sat On A Tuffet Eating Her Curds And Whey.
RANDALL: I pick the girl!
GINA: Kill the girl!
KEVIN: Yes! The girl must die!
BULLET: Her story sucked!
STANLEY: Her story was worse than anything Edgar Allen Poe had written. He kept his ink in his scrotom!
The Teacup Saint put the girl to death by the gullotine.
RANDALL: So what do we get out of this one?
TEACUP SAINT: The crown of shame!
Randall finds himself getting the Crown of Shame put on his head by The Teacup Saint.
TEACUP SAINT: You certainly earned it!
KEVIN: laughs Hey, Dad! Why not tell everyone about the time you wore a dunce hat in preschool!
RANDALL: Let's just get the fuck out of here and see if these Three Bears approve!
Going back to the Three Bears, they were very pleased with the Tools of Defeat the Paradise PD obtained.
BEAR THREE: Congratulations! You've all sucessfully aquired the tools you need! The Shield of Knowledge. The Laser Shoe, and of course The Crown of Shame! Which looks really good on you!
RANDALL: I might as well be in an Imperial Butter commercial!
BEAR ONE: Okay! By dawn, you all should be able to enter the Satanic Side B of our land!
BEAR TWO: It is there where Dusty resides.
BEAR THREE: And forcing Fairy Tale characters to do tedious tasks.
KEVIN: What do we do until then?
BEAR TWO: We rest.
BEAR ONE: Hey, Bullet! Would you like to rest with the Three Bears?
BULLET: Uhhh, no! I don't play for that team.
As nightfall comes to the Fairy Tale world. Flying cupcakes were passing by. Randall, Bullet, Gina, Kevin, and Stanley were sitting by a campire with the Billy Goats that Gruff.
BILLY GOAT: Yes, and that's when Dusty crowned himself king and took my Baby Billy Goat away from me. Haven't seen him since! cries Because this new evil king Dusty is so obese I'm scared he will eat him!
GINA: You guys ever heard of an Amber Alert?
KEVIN: I highly doubt anyone here knows about that, Gina.
RANDALL: Anyway, Billy Goat you are indeed the bravest gruffest Billy Goat on this side of the Great Goat Moat!
BULLET: Gee, I am not sure of anything anymore, Randall.
RANDALL: Not sure of what?!
BULLET: I've heard of a lot of these Fairy Tales. But these obscure ones? Never heard of them. They're not...
RANDALL: Not WHAT! Bullet! Not WHAT!
BULLET: REAL?!?!
GINA: You know, Randall is onto something here. You see these characters!
RANDALL: See? Gina gets it! Don't know why you don't.
KEVIN: I'm starting to get it.
Suddenly, a ghost head of the little girl appears.
GIRL now a ghost: Why did these mean policemen kill me!
STANLEY: OH FUCK! It's the ghost of Shirley Temple! She's come to kill us all!
Bullet, Stanley, and Kevin scream. Randall and Gina maintain their cool.
RANDALL: Bet you all think that was in all your head, hey assholes! But it isn't!
GIRL: But WHY?!?!?
GINA: I see her clear as day!
RANDALL: So can I, Gina! Because that ghost is real! We really called out the order to kill that kid!
GINA: Yep, we're all monsters! You guys even more so! points to Kevin, Stanley, and Bullet
KEVIN: You made your point Dad.
BULLET: Can we go to sleep now?
STANLEY: Forgot to bring my Nytol!
RANDALL: Yes, it's sleep time now. Tomorrow we're going to fight to get Dusty back!
The Billy Goats and The Paradise PD all sleep by the campfire. When daybreak came. Dusty was in a castle on a throne. Sleeping Beauty came to serve him.
SLEEPING BEAUTY: King Dusty sir! I brought you your breakfast Sir! shows Dusty a serving plate
DUSTY: takes the serving plate and throws it: WHAT IS THIS!
SLEEPING BEAUTY: I thought that's what you wanted! It's from the Goose Who Layed The Golden Egg!
DUSTY to Sleeping Beauty's face: I said I wanted the yolk of Humpty Dumpty! For that! I shall cast a sleeping spell on you!
Sleeping Beauty screams when Dusty gets a magic scepter and puts Sleeping Beauty in a sleeping spell.
DUSTY: Now you will sleep for a million years! laughs
Aladdin begins to try to sneak by and walk away and Dusty spots him.
DUSTY: You there!
ALADDIN: Meh....meh.......me?
DUSTY: Yes you! Go get Humpty Dumpty to sit on a wall and have a big fall!
ALADDIN: Any reason for that?
DUSTY: DO AS YOUR TOLD!
ALADDIN: Yes, sire! Right away!
DUSTY: Wow! A guy can get used to this!
Aladdin was forced to lure Humpty Dumpty to sit on a wall.
DUSTY: Fuck Paradise Illinois! _This_ is my home now!
Sitting back in this throne. Dusty decides to order around more Fairy Tale characters. Jack and Rapunzel come to Dusty's throne.
DUSTY: You there! Both of you! Rapunzel! I'm going to need some of your hair. Jack! I told you to get some magic beans a while ago!
JACK: Uhhh, uhhhh, I forgot to sell the cow you see and....
RAPUNZEL: I hate to say this but I'm due for a hair cut in an hour.
DUSTY: ENOUGH! What the fucking hell is going on with you two, huh! Can't do anything I tell you to?!?!?! You both know I how feel about ineffeiciency!
At the spur of the moment, the Paradise PD come out from behind with the Tools of Defeat.
RANDALL: AH HA!
KEVIN: AH HA!
BULLET: HO HO!
GINA: Come to mama, bitches!
STANLEY: Uh, uh, uh.....forget it.
DUSTY: Randall? Kevin? Gina?! What are you guys doing here in Fairy Tale land?!
KEVIN: We don't like what you're doing with these Fairy Tale characters. We've seen everything thanks to the Three Bears!
RANDALL: You're making them your slaves.
GINA: That record you stole from the Witch Festival had a dimensional door that lead us to here.
DUSTY: No! I like it here in Fairy Tale land. Because here. I can do what I want and I am in charge!
RANDALL: Time to get back to reality!
DUSTY: You can't make me! No matter how hard to convince me to come back. I never will!
BULLET: You have no idea what we had to go through to get here. He fought some elves, we ordered a girl to get killed, we had those Three Bears assholes make us get Tools of Defeat...
GINA: We had to solve riddles.
DUSTY: Would you like me to break into a song and dance about why I never want to come back to Paradise?
BULLET: Uhhh, no.
DUSTY: Okay, don't say I didn't warn you because.....
A lightning bolt is heard in the sky. An image appears of Tom Thumb.
TOM THUMB: It is I! Tom Thumb! I was the ruler here until this fat piece of shit took over!
DUSTY: You're not getting your position back! And I don't mean missionary!
TOM THUMB: Yeah, well when you opened the portal and beat the fuck out of me, I knew your friends were going to come here to try to talk you into coming back.
KEVIN: When do we get to use these Tools?
TOM THUMB: Shut up! I'm talking here! Anyway, I'm a reasonable guy. How about I open the dimensional door to your home and forget this all ever happened. And Dusty, trust me. You're much better off in the real world than you are here.
The dimensional door appears. Dusty then slams the door shut.
DUSTY: On behalf of me! Dusty Marlow! The new leader of Fairy Tale World! We're not going anywhere!
KEVIN, GINA, STANLEY, RANDALL: AWWWW MOTHER FUCKER!
DUSTY: That's right. And you guys aren't going back either! For you see, I am the king here. So for that. And all for all the times you've all treated me like a piece of chicken testicles. You are going to stay here, FOREVER!
BULLET: Oh fuck! We're fucked in more ways than one! Now I'll never binge watch that new Live Action One Piece!
GINA: Uhhh, now that you have us trapped here. Can I be your....
DUSTY: You are my servants! Forget the real world. This world is what matters.
RANDALL: I'm starting to believe that.
DUSTY: More importantly, this is my world. These Fairy Tale characters are my people!
RANDALL: You're right, Dusty! This place is looking better all the time! So how about it, everyone?
KEVIN: Yes.
GINA: I agree to this.
BULLET: What is our first mission, King Dusty.
DUSTY: We are going to defeat the evil Tom Thumb so he won't overthrow me and take back his throne.
KEVIN: Yeah, now you're talking!
RANDALL: We got these Defeat Tools.
DUSTY: Perfect. We will travel the Blood Red Road and free these people from this sumbitch Tom Thumb.
TOM THUMB: Dammit! *image disappears".
KEVIN: Well, the Blood Red Road is right in front of us. We have nothing to lose.
Randall, Stanley, Gina, Bullet, and Kevin were all traveling up the Blood Red Road. Taking the Defeat Tools with them. Passing by some trees that made moaning sounds. Tom Thumb now lived in a trailer on top of the hill since Dusty took over. Gina was slapping the trees to make them stop moaning. Bullet urinates on the trees.
KEVIN: Don't worry, Dusty! Tom Thumb will no longer be a threat to you!
Going up to the trailer, Kevin sees Snow White.
SNOW WHITE: Hey mister! I've been looking for a handsome prince and....
KEVIN: Well, you found him and....
RANDALL: drags Kevin away: Oh no you're not!
Inside the trailer where Tom Thumb now lived. He was plotting to kill Dusty.
TOM THUMB: Ha ha ha! Dusty Marlow you are going to die and....
RANDALL: FREEZE! Paradise PD!
TOM THUMB: I know I know! You're here to slay the evil Tom Thumb so Dusty can ne permanent ruler! Neither of you derserve to be here in Fairy Tale World! Those Tools won't work on me either! You all called out an order to kill a child! Hell, aside from Randall and Gina, nobody else here thinks this is real!
KEVIN, STANLEY, and BULLET: We don't!
TOM THUMB: I'm just trying to illuminate the logic here......
Randall was going to sneak up from behind Tom Thumb. Kevin, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley get the Tools of Defeat ready. Just then, an explosion came from behind Tom Thumb causing him fly up then drop down dead.
GINA: What in the fuck was that!
Behind the smoke from the blown up trailer, there was Fitz standing with a potion.
KEVIN: Fitz?! What are you doing here in Fairy Tale World?
FITZ: I secretly followed you all here after the Witch Festival was over.
GINA: How did you get in this place?
FITZ: Easy, when I was coming back from the Festival I saw a lot of commotion at Dusty's house. Then I went inside and played the Witch Record you guys were after played on Side A before I knew it. I was here.
After seeing the explosion from the castle. Dusty runs to the trailer.
KEVIN: Are you going to stay with us too in Fairy Tale World?
DUSTY: Fitz?!?!? You too! Did you come here to convince me to come back! We're all staying!
FITZ: Think it's all over now. With this elixir I made thanks to my years of Wicca Training, we're all going back to Paradise! Also, my brothers Dan and Jack helped me make this.
GINA: Fitz destroys everything he touches.
BULLET: Got that correct. Leave it to Fitz to be a spoil sport.
Fitz uses the elixir he made to open a dimensional door back to Paradise.
RANDALL: So, after you, Kevin?
KEVIN: Okay!
The Three Bears appear in an image.
BEAR ONE: Goodbye Paradise PD!
BEAR TWO: We thank you for banishing Tom Thumb!
BEAR THREE: Afraid it's time for you to go!
KEVIN: What about these Tools!
BEAR ONE: Well be taking those.
The Tools of Defeat were taken back by the Three Bears, then before they disappear.
BEAR THREE: One other thing.
RANDALL: What is it?
BEAR TWO: Because of all the violet events that have happened here since you all arrived.
BEAR THREE: Espiecally you Dusty! For being so overbearing and controlling with our beloved characters.
BULLET: We're getting banned from here?
BEAR ONE: That's right! Get out of here!
BEAR TWO: And don't ever return to Fairy Tale World again!
FITZ: You heard them guys.
KEVIN: I was just getting used to living here.
RANDALL: Thanks to Dusty! Now we can't!
DUSTY: Hey! Those Bears held you responsible too!
GINA: Come on twat waffles. I enjoy busting real crooks better than fairy tale villains!
Fitz leads the way as the Paradise PD goes into the dimensional door and back to Paradise. Once back they were at Dusty's house, and Fitz breaks the record.
RANDALL: Why the fuck did I ever think all that Fairy Tale bullshit was real?
GINA: I fell for it, too.
DUSTY: I'm going to miss being a ruler of a fantasy world.
KEVIN: It's good to be back in reality.
Then the ghost of the little girl appears before them.
GIRL: Police people! Why!
Fitz gets a vacuum and sweeps up the little girl ghost.
DUSTY: Who the fuck was she?
STANLEY: You're better off not knowing.
A police radio was playing. There was a homicide suicide in the woods!
RANDALL: Hear that! Now it's time for some real action!
GINA: Now you're talking!
KEVIN: I love this life.
BULLET: Thanks for getting us out of there, Fitz.
FITZ: Anytime!
DUSTY: On the way can we stop at Red Lobster?
Stanley, Randall, Fitz, Gina, Kevin, and Bullet all laugh.
DUSTY: Perhaps it's good we're not in Fairy Tale World anymore. Their food there was shit!
GINA: Back to doing what we love!
RANDALL: Back in the real world!
KEVIN: Fuck fairy tales anyway!
FITZ: And remember kids. Fantasy sure is fun but only when it's done in moderation!
The Fitz Bitz rainbow shows. Then the Paradise PD leave Dusty's house to go work on a case. Leaving Stanley behing.
STANLEY runs after the Paradise PD: HEY! Wait for me!
The End
by: Zoey Webber
In the streets of Paradise. A prison truck rides by the yearly annual Witch Festival that comes every Halloween. Mayor Karen Crawford thought it would be a good idea to bring in more tourists for the town. Inside the prison truck, Thester Carbomb looks out the window and sighs as he is being transported to another prison.
GUARD: Don't worry, you'll get to go to these festivals again.....in 50 years!
In the Witch Festival. Randall gets word that there is a magical Satanic record somewhere around. Dusty, Gina, Kevin, Bullet, Stanley, are all with Randall who leads the way.
RANDALL: Here we are, men, dog, and woman!
STANLEY: Did I ever tell anyone I had a fling with the Elizabeth Selwyn from City Of The Dead?
DUSTY: Wow! A Witch Festival! Centuries of progress about witchcraft after one rotunda!
BULLET: Hope those actresses from the Craft are here!
RANDALL: shows his badge: Police chief Randall Crawford of the Paradise PD! We're here because we got word that there was a suspicious record that plays Satanic messages on it!
DUSTY: I don't know about this mission. Do we have to?
KEVIN: Afraid so, Dusty.
GINA: Charles Lovely may be gone but his evil legacy sure isn't.
KEVIN: Anyone seen Fitz?
BULLET points to a booth: That's him, there.
Randall and Gina go to where Fitz is in a booth at the Witch Festival.
GINA: Fitz! You're a part of the Paradise PD! Don't you know we're on duty?
FITZ: Actually, I've taken some time off so I can be a part of this Witch Festival.
BULLET: You once told us you were a Wiccan, right?
FITZ: That's correct.
Two other black men were with Fitz. They were his brothers named Dan and Jack.
FITZ: Want to meet my brothers?
KEVIN: No thank you, we're busy.
FITZ: Okay, good luck with your police business. Dan! Jack! Mix some potions at once!
DAN and JACK: Yes sir!
RANDALL: Fuck him anyway.
GINA calling out: Anyone know anything about a Satanic Record around here?
RANDALL: We're not wasting our time asking around.
DUSTY: What do you suggest?
Randall takes out a crossbow, and gives a blow torch to Gina.
KEVIN: Hey, don't we get cool weapons too?
RANDALL: ignoring Kevin: To answer your question, DESTROY EVERYTHING!
GINA: Now you're speaking my language!
Randall and Gina use their crossbow and blow torch to shoot up everything in sight at the Witch Festival. Everything from black magic, elixirs, crystals and staffs. All the accessories in the booths were all leftover from Lovely Corp. Everyone in booths took notice. They were all shocked and didn't understand. Randall then was going to a booth that was selling Fairy Tales. Dusty tries to stop him.
DUSTY: These are Fairy Tales, Randall! The innocent stories for the young and sick for God's sake!
RANDALL holds a crucifix: This IS For God's Sake!
GINA: We're just damaging things that are related to Charles Lovely. Don't worry about your precious Fairy Tales!
BULLET: Gina's right. Everything here is Satanic. And there's still remenants of Lovely Corp.
A woman who was in charge of the Witch Festival walks up to the Paradise PD.
LADY: Uhhh, sirs.
KEVIN: What is it?
BULLET: We don't have time for your fancy......
LADY: I just want to say, thanks for getting rid of things they are related to Satanism.
Dusty sneaks a record that had Fairy Tales on it.
LADY: Sure, we are a Witch Festival. But we are just here for fun not to sell things that actually can be used for WitchCraft.
GINA: We're just putting an end to any evil Charles Lovely left behind.
LADY: Very thoughtful of you. Yes, all of these things are a holdover from that Lovely Corp business that was going on. Carry on.
Randall and Gina continue to use their weapons on the Witch Festival. When their mission was over. Dusty was at his house. He had a record player and was about to play the Fairy Tales record. Unbeknownst to Dusty, that was the record the Paradise PD were looking for.
DUSTY: At least I saved you, Fairy Tales record. No way I will let any of my friends desacrate Fairy Tales that brought so much happiness to kids over the years.
Seeing the Fairy Tales record had a Side A and Side B. Side A was normal Fairy Tales while Side B was Satanic Fairy Tales.
DUSTY: This is going to be more fun than watching Wall Eyed Wally! Which side should I play! Feel like those Nerds Candies from that cereal commercial. looks at both sides Ah! That's it! Side B looks more interesting! Talk about Pirate Radio! laughs That movie was about records!
Playing Side B on the record player. An evil harsh voice begins to play.
VOICE: Hello, boys and girls. Are you ready to hear some fun stories of fantasy! Today we are going to read, The Golden Touch of King Midas!
DUSTY: Oh boy! That was my favorite!
The voice soon faded away and a dimensional door appeared before Dusty. The door had a pentagram on it. Dusty was startled.
DUSTY: What the fuck!!!
The door opens and an evil looking Tom Thumb comes out and sees Dusty!
DUSTY: I hope it doesn't see me!
Tom Thumb stretched his hand out to the door to grab Dusty.
DUSTY: I hope it doesn't grab me!
Tom Thumb grabbed Dusty and pulled him into the dimension door.
DUSTY: IT SAW ME AND GRABBED ME! HHHHEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!
Moments later, an anonymous tip was placed to the Paradise PD that Dusty had disappeared. Bullet, Randall, Gina, Kevin, and Stanley were investigating.
GINA: If I ever get my hands on the twat waffle who did this to Dusty....
RANDALL: Now, if I were Dusty where would I be?
KEVIN: He does love closets.
BULLET looks in Dusty's closet: Not here. Case Closed! Let's go!
STANLEY: He's probably dead.
RANDALL: WAIT A MINUTE!
Kevin, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley have Randall's attention when he sees the record player and the Fairy Tales record Dusty obtained.
GINA: Hey, that was the Satanic record we were looking for!
BULLET: Who knew it was Fairy Tales!
RANDALL: Of course. Because Fairy Tales were scary. Think creepypastas before their time.
KEVIN: Especially all the nightmare fuel that came with them.
BULLET sniffs around the record player and record: A-ha! I'm detecting some kind of interdimensional energy!
KEVIN: That's really smart, Bullet! Could be this record can lead to another dimension, Dad!
RANDALL: Don't be such a douche Kevin. Fairy Tales aren't real. That lead is as dead as Dusty is.
GINA: Dusty is NOT dead! Let's play the record.
Turning the record over to Side A. An angelic voice plays.
VOICE: Hey Kids! Who wants to hear the story of Hansel and Gretel.
Just as before, the voice fades and now a door that leads to Fairy Tale land opens. Everyone walks inside.
RANDALL: Mark my words, once this is over. You'll all see Fairy Tales aren't real!
KEVIN: This is actually kind of exicting! Imagine meeting all these characters from our childhoods!
BULLET: Don't be surprised if anything here ruins your childhood!
STANLEY: I'm going to steal Cinderella's gown while I'm there!
The Paradise PD were now in Fairy Tale land. It consisted of trees, lollipops, and smiling flowers. A street that was made out of candy.
KEVIN: Wow! This place really does exist! Fairy Tales do come true!
RANDALL: If you believe in fake cartoon bullshit!
The Paradise PD were soon stopped by some billy goats.
STANLEY: Who are they?
BILLY GOAT: Why we're the Billy Goats that Gruff!
GINA: What've you done with Dusty??!!
BILLY GOAT: Now now now, hold on. We reside here in Side A of Fairy Tale land.
KEVIN: You guys seen Robin Hood around? He's a fan favorite!
BULLET: Yeah, or Rumpelstilskin? I can have him teach me how to spin straw into gold so I can spend it on DRUGS!
RANDALL: Give me a fucking break!
BULLET sniffs the Billy Goat: He's real all right!
RANDALL: Did you kill Dusty?!?! You fake little gruffing goat!
GINA: We demand to know what you did to Dusty! whispers to Randall I don't believe this shit is real any more than you do.
BILLY GOAT: To find your Dusty friend, you must visit the The Three Bears!
KEVIN: Come on, let's go see the Three Bears!
BULLET: I'm not going to eat that porridge. Unless I can get all horny and full on bestiality on Goldilocks!
Randall slaps the Billy Goat in the face. Gina zones in on it.
GINA: That's not a real answer.
RANDALL: Got that right, we're going back to reality!
As Randall and Gina were about to head out the dimensional door, it closes shut.
GINA: Crap. Guess we're stuck here.
RANDALL: Fine, we'll give into this now. All this is real. We'll follow the Billy Goats and go see the Three Bears to find Dusty in this whimsical very realistic magical kingdom of Fairy Tales.
The Billy Goats were leading the Paradise PD around Fairy Tale land and they were taking them to where the Three Pigs are. While on their way, they see Robin Hood, Snow White, Pinnochio, The Emperor and his so-called "New Clothes", The Frog Prince, and The Pied Piper.
BULLET: Why did the emperor have to be a man? It would've been so much better if it was a naked Empress!
More than 2 miles away, the Paradise PD are now meeting the Three Bears.
ONE BEAR: Your friend Dusty is taken over and assumed the role of All Supreme Dictator of Fairy Land.
Above the Three Bears they see an image of Dusty sitting on the throne and ordering more Fairy Tale characters around as if they were slaves. Such as Jack, Aladdin, and the Ugly Duckling.
BULLET: WOW! Dusty is mad with power!
GINA: Wow! He's even more attractive and handsome than he was before.
KEVIN: Please continue, Three Bears.
TWO BEAR: To find him and restore him back to his original self....
THREE BEAR: You have to collect the three tools and defeat what's making him so extreme and powerful.
ONE BEAR: In case we haven't told you, he's ruling the Evil B Side of our Fairy Tale world.
RANDALL: Paradise PD, its up to us to convince Dusty to come back to the real world.
GINA: Lay it on us you pink skinned twat waffles!
TWO BEAR: Travel to the Evil World. You must find the tools.
THREE BEAR: Then you must answer the impossible riddles.
ONE BEAR: The first tool is the Shield of Knowledge
STANLEY: Shield of Knowledge? Is that like the golden penis?
ONE BEAR: Look! Just Go! Okay!
KEVIN: I have the Fairy Tale App on my Iphone that can locate any place here in Fairy Tale World!
BULLET: Okay Kevin! You seem to be the expert here. Show us around!
Kevin using his Fairly Tale App. It heads to a huge rose garden. Landing before them was a Nightingale.
NIGHTINGALE: What is it that you seek?
RANDALL: Know anything about a Shield of Knowledge?
STANLEY: A Nightingale, hey! I had a fun roll in the hay with one named Florence!
BULLET: This is Fairy Tale land, Stanley! Keep it child friendly!
NIGHTINGALE: I will give you that Shield if you can solve this riddle.
GINA: Give it to us! thinking If we fail, I'm staying here so I can be Dusty's queen.
NIGHTINGALE: Listen carefully. If an Oddlit can float at a pace of six miles per hour. Running at the same rate. How many miles can the Oddlit float in 90 minutes? Is the answer A: 4 miles. B: 6 Miles. Or C: Nine Miles.
Kevin going through his iPhone. He discovers that his Fairy Tale App can solve riddles.
RANDALL: You cheating, there?
KEVIN: C! Nine Miles!
NIGHTINGALE: Correct! HEY! I heard someone mention something about cheating! Is that a cheating device? If it is, I'll be forced to...
KEVIN: NO! It's part of my hand!
GINA: Yeah, he's part robot!
BULLET: Yeah, he's what you can an android!
RANDALL: If you ask me, he should've had one of those in his brain!
NIGHTINGALE: Oh. I apologize for that. Lost it there for a minute. Now you have earned 100% Shield of Knowledge!
A glowing light appears before the Nightingale and gives Kevin the Shield of Knowledge. Once Kevin grabs it, his Iphone falls out of his hand.
NIGHTINGALE: Someone call a medic! That man's hand fell off!
BULLET: We already told you he's a robot! runs off
RANDALL: Robots always have their parts fall off! It should've been his testicles! runs off
KEVIN: YES! Robot! That's it! Nanoo! Nanoo!
Running away, Kevin picks up his Iphone, and Bullet, Stanley, Gina, and Randall all go back to the Three Bears
ONE BEAR: Next you all must travel to the Land of The Elves and the Shoemaker to collect your next tool of defeat. The Laser Shoe.
Kevin leads the way and the Paradise PD end up in the Land of The Elves. The shoemaker and his wife were having a domestic dispute.
SHOEMAKER: You fucking whore! I caught you in bed with one of the elves!
WIFE: Maybe you're the one who's fucking those elves! I've always known you were 'light in the loafers' laughs
RANDALL: Excuse me! We're looking for a Laser Shoe?
SHOEMAKER: Hey, no trespassers on our property!
WIFE: That shoe belongs to us and no one else!
KEVIN: We need it because we have to collect tools to free our friend of evil corruption.
SHOEMAKER: Deal denied!
WIFE: Sick 'em, Elves!
The elves tried to beat up the Paradise PD. However, they were weak fighters. Gina broke their ribs and snapped the elves in half. Kevin punched a couple of elves. Stanley beat on some elves with his cane. Bullet bit four elves, and Randall jumped and stomped on them all under the elves were dead. The Shoemake and his Wife were frightened by the violent blood riddled mess they saw before them.
WIFE: Now you're never going to get the Laser Shoe!
SHOEMAKER: You monsters! We're going to banish you and....
RANDALL: Gina! Finish them off!
Jumping at the Shoemaker and his Wife, Gina punched the Shoemaker and his head flew off. Then Gina kicked the wife sent her flying until the wife landed on a tower that impaled her body. Bullet runs inside the factory and retrieves the Laser Shoe.
RANDALL: Good job everybody!
KEVIN: Now we need the third tool and Dusty will be back with us!
Coming back to the Three Bears. They give the Paradise PD the final task.
BEAR ONE: The final task is the easiest of them all. Tell them.
BEAR TWO: You must find the Tool of Defeat from The Teacup Saint.
BULLET: Thanks guys!
Kevin spots the teacups in the Fairy Tale world. There they see two kids with their heads in a gullotine crying their eyes out.
RANDALL: I thought this was Fairy Tale world, not France!
Before they can do anything else, the Tea Cup Saint comes to greet them.
TEACUP SAINT: Espiritus Santos, Paradise PD!
KEVIN: How do you know us?
TEACUP SAINT: I know all!
STANLEY: Tell us where we can find this third tool of defeat?
TEACUP SAINT: All you need to do is pick a child who's story is most keen. The other will meet my
gullotine.
KEVIN: Okay, we need to hear their stories.
BOY: Little Boy Blue Come Blow Your Horn. Sheep's in The Meadow. The Cow's In the Corn.
GIRL: Little Miss Muffet Sat On A Tuffet Eating Her Curds And Whey.
RANDALL: I pick the girl!
GINA: Kill the girl!
KEVIN: Yes! The girl must die!
BULLET: Her story sucked!
STANLEY: Her story was worse than anything Edgar Allen Poe had written. He kept his ink in his scrotom!
The Teacup Saint put the girl to death by the gullotine.
RANDALL: So what do we get out of this one?
TEACUP SAINT: The crown of shame!
Randall finds himself getting the Crown of Shame put on his head by The Teacup Saint.
TEACUP SAINT: You certainly earned it!
KEVIN: laughs Hey, Dad! Why not tell everyone about the time you wore a dunce hat in preschool!
RANDALL: Let's just get the fuck out of here and see if these Three Bears approve!
Going back to the Three Bears, they were very pleased with the Tools of Defeat the Paradise PD obtained.
BEAR THREE: Congratulations! You've all sucessfully aquired the tools you need! The Shield of Knowledge. The Laser Shoe, and of course The Crown of Shame! Which looks really good on you!
RANDALL: I might as well be in an Imperial Butter commercial!
BEAR ONE: Okay! By dawn, you all should be able to enter the Satanic Side B of our land!
BEAR TWO: It is there where Dusty resides.
BEAR THREE: And forcing Fairy Tale characters to do tedious tasks.
KEVIN: What do we do until then?
BEAR TWO: We rest.
BEAR ONE: Hey, Bullet! Would you like to rest with the Three Bears?
BULLET: Uhhh, no! I don't play for that team.
As nightfall comes to the Fairy Tale world. Flying cupcakes were passing by. Randall, Bullet, Gina, Kevin, and Stanley were sitting by a campire with the Billy Goats that Gruff.
BILLY GOAT: Yes, and that's when Dusty crowned himself king and took my Baby Billy Goat away from me. Haven't seen him since! cries Because this new evil king Dusty is so obese I'm scared he will eat him!
GINA: You guys ever heard of an Amber Alert?
KEVIN: I highly doubt anyone here knows about that, Gina.
RANDALL: Anyway, Billy Goat you are indeed the bravest gruffest Billy Goat on this side of the Great Goat Moat!
BULLET: Gee, I am not sure of anything anymore, Randall.
RANDALL: Not sure of what?!
BULLET: I've heard of a lot of these Fairy Tales. But these obscure ones? Never heard of them. They're not...
RANDALL: Not WHAT! Bullet! Not WHAT!
BULLET: REAL?!?!
GINA: You know, Randall is onto something here. You see these characters!
RANDALL: See? Gina gets it! Don't know why you don't.
KEVIN: I'm starting to get it.
Suddenly, a ghost head of the little girl appears.
GIRL now a ghost: Why did these mean policemen kill me!
STANLEY: OH FUCK! It's the ghost of Shirley Temple! She's come to kill us all!
Bullet, Stanley, and Kevin scream. Randall and Gina maintain their cool.
RANDALL: Bet you all think that was in all your head, hey assholes! But it isn't!
GIRL: But WHY?!?!?
GINA: I see her clear as day!
RANDALL: So can I, Gina! Because that ghost is real! We really called out the order to kill that kid!
GINA: Yep, we're all monsters! You guys even more so! points to Kevin, Stanley, and Bullet
KEVIN: You made your point Dad.
BULLET: Can we go to sleep now?
STANLEY: Forgot to bring my Nytol!
RANDALL: Yes, it's sleep time now. Tomorrow we're going to fight to get Dusty back!
The Billy Goats and The Paradise PD all sleep by the campfire. When daybreak came. Dusty was in a castle on a throne. Sleeping Beauty came to serve him.
SLEEPING BEAUTY: King Dusty sir! I brought you your breakfast Sir! shows Dusty a serving plate
DUSTY: takes the serving plate and throws it: WHAT IS THIS!
SLEEPING BEAUTY: I thought that's what you wanted! It's from the Goose Who Layed The Golden Egg!
DUSTY to Sleeping Beauty's face: I said I wanted the yolk of Humpty Dumpty! For that! I shall cast a sleeping spell on you!
Sleeping Beauty screams when Dusty gets a magic scepter and puts Sleeping Beauty in a sleeping spell.
DUSTY: Now you will sleep for a million years! laughs
Aladdin begins to try to sneak by and walk away and Dusty spots him.
DUSTY: You there!
ALADDIN: Meh....meh.......me?
DUSTY: Yes you! Go get Humpty Dumpty to sit on a wall and have a big fall!
ALADDIN: Any reason for that?
DUSTY: DO AS YOUR TOLD!
ALADDIN: Yes, sire! Right away!
DUSTY: Wow! A guy can get used to this!
Aladdin was forced to lure Humpty Dumpty to sit on a wall.
DUSTY: Fuck Paradise Illinois! _This_ is my home now!
Sitting back in this throne. Dusty decides to order around more Fairy Tale characters. Jack and Rapunzel come to Dusty's throne.
DUSTY: You there! Both of you! Rapunzel! I'm going to need some of your hair. Jack! I told you to get some magic beans a while ago!
JACK: Uhhh, uhhhh, I forgot to sell the cow you see and....
RAPUNZEL: I hate to say this but I'm due for a hair cut in an hour.
DUSTY: ENOUGH! What the fucking hell is going on with you two, huh! Can't do anything I tell you to?!?!?! You both know I how feel about ineffeiciency!
At the spur of the moment, the Paradise PD come out from behind with the Tools of Defeat.
RANDALL: AH HA!
KEVIN: AH HA!
BULLET: HO HO!
GINA: Come to mama, bitches!
STANLEY: Uh, uh, uh.....forget it.
DUSTY: Randall? Kevin? Gina?! What are you guys doing here in Fairy Tale land?!
KEVIN: We don't like what you're doing with these Fairy Tale characters. We've seen everything thanks to the Three Bears!
RANDALL: You're making them your slaves.
GINA: That record you stole from the Witch Festival had a dimensional door that lead us to here.
DUSTY: No! I like it here in Fairy Tale land. Because here. I can do what I want and I am in charge!
RANDALL: Time to get back to reality!
DUSTY: You can't make me! No matter how hard to convince me to come back. I never will!
BULLET: You have no idea what we had to go through to get here. He fought some elves, we ordered a girl to get killed, we had those Three Bears assholes make us get Tools of Defeat...
GINA: We had to solve riddles.
DUSTY: Would you like me to break into a song and dance about why I never want to come back to Paradise?
BULLET: Uhhh, no.
DUSTY: Okay, don't say I didn't warn you because.....
A lightning bolt is heard in the sky. An image appears of Tom Thumb.
TOM THUMB: It is I! Tom Thumb! I was the ruler here until this fat piece of shit took over!
DUSTY: You're not getting your position back! And I don't mean missionary!
TOM THUMB: Yeah, well when you opened the portal and beat the fuck out of me, I knew your friends were going to come here to try to talk you into coming back.
KEVIN: When do we get to use these Tools?
TOM THUMB: Shut up! I'm talking here! Anyway, I'm a reasonable guy. How about I open the dimensional door to your home and forget this all ever happened. And Dusty, trust me. You're much better off in the real world than you are here.
The dimensional door appears. Dusty then slams the door shut.
DUSTY: On behalf of me! Dusty Marlow! The new leader of Fairy Tale World! We're not going anywhere!
KEVIN, GINA, STANLEY, RANDALL: AWWWW MOTHER FUCKER!
DUSTY: That's right. And you guys aren't going back either! For you see, I am the king here. So for that. And all for all the times you've all treated me like a piece of chicken testicles. You are going to stay here, FOREVER!
BULLET: Oh fuck! We're fucked in more ways than one! Now I'll never binge watch that new Live Action One Piece!
GINA: Uhhh, now that you have us trapped here. Can I be your....
DUSTY: You are my servants! Forget the real world. This world is what matters.
RANDALL: I'm starting to believe that.
DUSTY: More importantly, this is my world. These Fairy Tale characters are my people!
RANDALL: You're right, Dusty! This place is looking better all the time! So how about it, everyone?
KEVIN: Yes.
GINA: I agree to this.
BULLET: What is our first mission, King Dusty.
DUSTY: We are going to defeat the evil Tom Thumb so he won't overthrow me and take back his throne.
KEVIN: Yeah, now you're talking!
RANDALL: We got these Defeat Tools.
DUSTY: Perfect. We will travel the Blood Red Road and free these people from this sumbitch Tom Thumb.
TOM THUMB: Dammit! *image disappears".
KEVIN: Well, the Blood Red Road is right in front of us. We have nothing to lose.
Randall, Stanley, Gina, Bullet, and Kevin were all traveling up the Blood Red Road. Taking the Defeat Tools with them. Passing by some trees that made moaning sounds. Tom Thumb now lived in a trailer on top of the hill since Dusty took over. Gina was slapping the trees to make them stop moaning. Bullet urinates on the trees.
KEVIN: Don't worry, Dusty! Tom Thumb will no longer be a threat to you!
Going up to the trailer, Kevin sees Snow White.
SNOW WHITE: Hey mister! I've been looking for a handsome prince and....
KEVIN: Well, you found him and....
RANDALL: drags Kevin away: Oh no you're not!
Inside the trailer where Tom Thumb now lived. He was plotting to kill Dusty.
TOM THUMB: Ha ha ha! Dusty Marlow you are going to die and....
RANDALL: FREEZE! Paradise PD!
TOM THUMB: I know I know! You're here to slay the evil Tom Thumb so Dusty can ne permanent ruler! Neither of you derserve to be here in Fairy Tale World! Those Tools won't work on me either! You all called out an order to kill a child! Hell, aside from Randall and Gina, nobody else here thinks this is real!
KEVIN, STANLEY, and BULLET: We don't!
TOM THUMB: I'm just trying to illuminate the logic here......
Randall was going to sneak up from behind Tom Thumb. Kevin, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley get the Tools of Defeat ready. Just then, an explosion came from behind Tom Thumb causing him fly up then drop down dead.
GINA: What in the fuck was that!
Behind the smoke from the blown up trailer, there was Fitz standing with a potion.
KEVIN: Fitz?! What are you doing here in Fairy Tale World?
FITZ: I secretly followed you all here after the Witch Festival was over.
GINA: How did you get in this place?
FITZ: Easy, when I was coming back from the Festival I saw a lot of commotion at Dusty's house. Then I went inside and played the Witch Record you guys were after played on Side A before I knew it. I was here.
After seeing the explosion from the castle. Dusty runs to the trailer.
KEVIN: Are you going to stay with us too in Fairy Tale World?
DUSTY: Fitz?!?!? You too! Did you come here to convince me to come back! We're all staying!
FITZ: Think it's all over now. With this elixir I made thanks to my years of Wicca Training, we're all going back to Paradise! Also, my brothers Dan and Jack helped me make this.
GINA: Fitz destroys everything he touches.
BULLET: Got that correct. Leave it to Fitz to be a spoil sport.
Fitz uses the elixir he made to open a dimensional door back to Paradise.
RANDALL: So, after you, Kevin?
KEVIN: Okay!
The Three Bears appear in an image.
BEAR ONE: Goodbye Paradise PD!
BEAR TWO: We thank you for banishing Tom Thumb!
BEAR THREE: Afraid it's time for you to go!
KEVIN: What about these Tools!
BEAR ONE: Well be taking those.
The Tools of Defeat were taken back by the Three Bears, then before they disappear.
BEAR THREE: One other thing.
RANDALL: What is it?
BEAR TWO: Because of all the violet events that have happened here since you all arrived.
BEAR THREE: Espiecally you Dusty! For being so overbearing and controlling with our beloved characters.
BULLET: We're getting banned from here?
BEAR ONE: That's right! Get out of here!
BEAR TWO: And don't ever return to Fairy Tale World again!
FITZ: You heard them guys.
KEVIN: I was just getting used to living here.
RANDALL: Thanks to Dusty! Now we can't!
DUSTY: Hey! Those Bears held you responsible too!
GINA: Come on twat waffles. I enjoy busting real crooks better than fairy tale villains!
Fitz leads the way as the Paradise PD goes into the dimensional door and back to Paradise. Once back they were at Dusty's house, and Fitz breaks the record.
RANDALL: Why the fuck did I ever think all that Fairy Tale bullshit was real?
GINA: I fell for it, too.
DUSTY: I'm going to miss being a ruler of a fantasy world.
KEVIN: It's good to be back in reality.
Then the ghost of the little girl appears before them.
GIRL: Police people! Why!
Fitz gets a vacuum and sweeps up the little girl ghost.
DUSTY: Who the fuck was she?
STANLEY: You're better off not knowing.
A police radio was playing. There was a homicide suicide in the woods!
RANDALL: Hear that! Now it's time for some real action!
GINA: Now you're talking!
KEVIN: I love this life.
BULLET: Thanks for getting us out of there, Fitz.
FITZ: Anytime!
DUSTY: On the way can we stop at Red Lobster?
Stanley, Randall, Fitz, Gina, Kevin, and Bullet all laugh.
DUSTY: Perhaps it's good we're not in Fairy Tale World anymore. Their food there was shit!
GINA: Back to doing what we love!
RANDALL: Back in the real world!
KEVIN: Fuck fairy tales anyway!
FITZ: And remember kids. Fantasy sure is fun but only when it's done in moderation!
The Fitz Bitz rainbow shows. Then the Paradise PD leave Dusty's house to go work on a case. Leaving Stanley behing.
STANLEY runs after the Paradise PD: HEY! Wait for me!
The End
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