Categories > Cartoons > Paradise PD
Hubcap Samurai
0 reviewsThe Paradiese PD and Bullet find a golden hubcap and use it for fortune and fame.
1Funny
Paradise PD
Fanfic Title
Hubcap Samurai
by: Hailey Sands
Chapter One:
Outside, about to break into the Legion of DOOOOOM Headquarters. Randall in the lead with everyone else behind him, instructs Stanley to help him break in.
Randall: Stanley! Call the order to attack! We're about to bust Fitz the Kingpin!
Stanley: Okay, get ready everyone. 1.....2....(falls asleep)
Randall: Fuck him! He's useless anyway.
Kevin: You're the leader, you give out the order.
Randall: All right, Paradise PD! We are so close now!
Dusty, Gina, Randall, and Kevin get their guns ready.
In the Legion of DOOOOOM Headquarters, Fitz and Thester were panicking.
Fitz: Damn! We're about to be fresh meat for the Paradise PD!
Thester: They'll slaughter us! Tear us to pieces!
Fitz: And I used to work for them!
Pedro: We need to think of a way to escape!
Frank: I got it!
Thester: Tell us Frank! We can use some hope!
Frank: We have that escape pod we never used.
Fitz: You're right. Come on, to the escape pod! Thester, Frank, and Pedro come with me!
Russian Mobster: What about us?!
Fitz: The rest of you stay here and tell the tale!
Russian Mobster, Pat Robertson, Jerry, Puffy, and Marcos Narcos were forced to stay behind.
Jerry: Good bye Daddy!
Frank: I'll be back for you, son!
Marcos Narcos: Why do THEY get to go?
Russian Mobster: Because they're the elite 1...2....3....4! 4! (laughs)
Fitz: Escape pod! Here we come!
Thester: I hope we won't be stuck in a bomb shelter for years on end like Blast From The Past!
Frank: Why does that scare you?
Thester: Because where ever we go, I want to be able to go out places.
Frank: You've always had an extreme case of the wanderlast!
Fitz, Thester, Frank, and Pedro enter the escape pod. Still about to break in, Gina notices Bullet is gone.
Gina: Where the fuck is Bullet?
Dusty: Probably on the set of Snow Dogs! (laughs)
Randall: No time for your silly ass jokes, Dusty!
Kevin: We need to concentrate! We are so close to nailing....
Bullet (from behind): Hey guys! Guess what!
Immediately distracted from their mission, Randall, Kevin, Gina, and Dusty all turn around. Stanley woke up.
Stanley: What the hell.....
The Legion of DOOOOOM Headquarters had a roof explosion that was caused by the Escape Pod. Everybody turned their attention towards Bullet.
Kevin: Bullet! Where were you!
Bullet: You won't believe what I found.
Randall: Dammit Bullet! We were so close to arresting Fitz! (looking at the sky at the escape pod) And now they got away! It's all your fault.
Gina: What did you find that was so paramount you had to ruin our big chance?
Bullet shows them a golden hubcap.
Dusty: Woah! That is so shiny.
Kevin: Is that a belt buckle?
Bullet: Nope, its a hubcup.
Gina: It's golden.
Randall: Know what? Forget police business for a while.
Bullet: Really?
Randall (takes the hubcap): Let's see if this baby will take us places!
Kevin: What type of places?
Randall: High places!
Dusty: Can we buy a deluxe apartment in the sky with it? We can live like The Jeffersons!
Randall: Something like that!
Chapter Two:
The escape pod was in the sky and then it was about to land. When it does, it lands someplace in the middle of a desert. There was a small village however, it looked like it was stuck in the 1850s. People were even riding on horse carriages instead of cars. Fitz gets out first. Thester, Frank, and Pedro all follow.
Pedro: This looks like my hometown of Mexico, puto.
Frank: Maybe that's where we are!
Fitz: Hold on, I'll figure out where we are.
Going on his locator app on his smart phone, Fitz asks where they've landed.
Thester: I hope there's internet here.
Frank (scoffs): Typical millienial! Can't be without the internet!
Fitz: I got internet on my phone here. Okay, according to my smart phone. We are in the town called Tombstone Arizona!
Pedro: No wonder it looked like Mexico!
A rumbling from far away is heard.
Thester (gasps): Earthquake! Run for your lives!
Fitz: No, it's okay. It's not an Earthquake. It's a......stampede!
A bunch of horse and carriages come their way. Inside the carriages, people were shooting each other as if they were in a feud. The people on one side were Samurais. The people on the other side were Mexican Bandits.
Frank: Wow! It's like we're in the middle of a war!
Pedro: Seems that way!
Fitz: Quick! Duck down!
Frank, Fitz, Thester, and Pedro all stayed out of sight. Then they see carriages stop and slow down towards them. Some of the carriages left after being shot at. One of the people comes out of the carriage dressed in a Mexican Bandit outfits.
Pedro: Dios Mio!
Bandit: Hola!
Fitz: Do you speak English?
Pedro: I know some Spanish.
Bandit: It's fine. I speak both. Welcome to Tombstone Arizona. We've been looking for some people like yourself to get some help freeing our town.
Thester: Do you guys have any technology?
Bandit: Nope we like to live in the past. You won't find that stuff here.
Thester: Ooohhhh.
Fitz: Who were those people who were shooting at?
Bandit: Evil Samurais who want us out so they can modernize us. You see, we want to stay and live like it's the 1850s!
Frank: How do you want our help?
More Mexican Bandits came from the carriage.
Bandit #2: Boss, how many do of these men do we need to help us?
Bandit: Okay, all of you are going to be be trained like Zorro!
Fitz: You want us to be heroes? Hell no! We're evil!
The Bandits take a look at Frank, Fitz, Thester and Pedro and all talk. Then they made a decision.
Bandit: We are going to train you to be Zorro-like heroes to defeat our enemy. However, only three of you are approved. The other...oh hooo...
Bandit #2: What's your choice?
Bandit: I'll take the black guy...
Fitz: HEY!
Bandit: The guy with the funny arms!
Frank: I resent that!
Bandit: (to Pedro) And this puto!
Pedro (laughs) You guys say puto?
Thester: You forgot me!
Bandit: Oh right! I know exactly what we'll do with you! (whistles)
More Mexican Bandits in another carriage come and take away Thester.
Fitz: Hey! Why are you doing that to him for?
Bandit: We need 3! Not four!
Soon Thester finds himself being taken to who knows where.
Frank: I'd hate to be in his shoes.
Thester: HEY! HEY! STOP THIS! I WANT TO BE WITH MY FRIENDS! FITZ! DO SOMETHING! I WANT TO BE A ZORRO HERO TOOOOOOO!!
Bandit: You'll have to do without him! Come with me.
Fitz: Well, looks like we going to become Zorro!
Pedro: Well, some of us!
Chapter Three:
Randall had the hubcap in his hand. With Kevin, Bullet, Stanley, Dusty, and Gina walking alongside him.
Dusty: I think this hubcap will be our ticket to Paradise High Society!
Randall: No way! Not here in Paradise! Think big you guys! There's more to the world than Paradise! Why not Atlantic City?
Kevin: Yeah, or New York Citu would be cool!
Gina: But first, let's test the waters. (points to a night club)
Bullet: It's a start.
Dusty walks to the front door of the Night Club. Only to be stopped by a bouncer.
Bouncer: What's your business here?
Dusty: Well, we.....uhhh.
Randall (shoves Dusty aside): Outta my way!
Bouncer: Are you a VIP member? If so I need to see your ID!
Randall: Fuck IDs! Hows about this!
The Bouncer was astounded when he saw the golden hubcap.
Gina: There's five of us here! Would this hubcap over all of us?
Bouncer: Absolutely it will! Come on in!
Bullet: YES! It worked!
Kevin: They actually bought it!
Gina: Now, let's go live the high life!
Randall: I'm going to John Travolta my way on the dance floor!
Bullet: We're going to have very many "Harlem Nights" after this!
The nightclub people were staring at the Paradise PD dancing in a swanky nightclub in disarray.
Chapter Four:
Back in Tombstone Arizona. The leader of the Mexican Bandit whose name was Que Paso was in a cave leading around Fitz, Frank and Pedro.
Fitz: What the fuck is with this cave?
Que Paso: We're showing you to our training stations. Oh by the way, we haven't been properly introduced. Yo Soy Que Paso.
Frank (snicking): Ole El Paso! Like the Salsa!
Pedro (slaps Frank): No stupido Puto! Que Paso!
Frank (rubbing his cheek): All right, sorry. Take everything so personally.....
Fitz: Can you at least tell me why you excluded Thester?
Que Paso: I do not want that Cockney Gringo around! He looked weak to me, to be honest.
Fitz: You're not going to give him a chance at all, are you?
Que Paso: Nada! Now shut up and let's begin our training!
Fitz: But he's a very capable of handling himself and.....
Que Paso: What did I just say.
Pushing a door to the cave, Fitz, Frank, and Pedro see before them a training room that looked like an old fashioned gymnasium.
Frank: How are you going to train us?
Que Paso: If you're going to help us take down the Samurais, you will be trained like Samarais. First off. Excercise! Drop and give me 20!
Pedro: 20 what?
Que Paso: Push ups! What do you think!
Fitz, Frank, and Predo were doing push ups. When they were done, Que Paso ordered them to do more.
Que Paso: Now, sit ups!
Fitz, Frank and Pedro did the sit ups like they were told.
Frank: Is there point to any of this?
Que Paso: We need to make you strong, as strong as the Samurai!
Fitz: I thought we were going to be like Zorro.
Que Paso: That's the whole point. Zorro knew Martial Arts, why else was he a great sword fighter?
Pedro: When do we get to the Zorro Samurai training or whatever it is?
Que Paso: Now that you're done with sit ups, run 50 laps around the cave.
Now, Frank, Fitz, and Pedro were running around the cave.
Que Paso: Forgot to tell you all. In order to beat the Samurai! You must become the Samurai! They're very physically fit! You all need to be too!
Fitz: Wonder how Thester is doing? Is he having any trouble?
Chapter Five:
Leaving the night club, Randall wants to find another way to use the golden hubcap.
Randall: That was awesome!
Dusty: Did you see how everyone was staring at us?
Kevin: They didn't have a clue as to why we small town cops were at a rich night club.
Gina: So! What should we do next?
Bullet: This golden hubcup is the best thing that's ever....
Before he can say anything else, a limo stops in front of Bullet.
Bullet: HEY! Watch where you're going, will ya! Golden Hubcap here!
Out of the sunroof, there was John Cena.
Bullet: Is that....are you.....
John Cena: John Cena?! Yes I am!
Kevin: Wow! We're even meeting wrestlers now?
John Cena: Is that a golden hubcap? That is so sick! You guys gotta come watch the fight with us in Atlantic City!
Gina: Hey, Randall. Didn't you mention something before about Atlantic City?
Randall: Yes I have. Please continue, John Cena!
John Cena: Yes, then after the fight! We're taking a helicopter! It's Lana Del Rey's birthday!
Dusty: Are you inviting us to Lana Del Rey's birthday!
John Cena: Of course! Come on in! After all I am....JOHN CENA!
Randall, Kevin, Gina Bullet, and Dusty all go inside the limo.
Kevin: We're even getting invited to celebrity parties! Where else can this all lead, maybe a Malibu mansion!
Randall: Think we ought to stick with the East Coast for now.
The limo drives to Atlantic City.
Chapter Six:
Still in the cave. Que Paso was still working Fitz, Frank, and Pedro into 'Samurai Training'. Song Grisfolk The Struggle plays. Now they were being trained for sword fighting. The other Mexican Bandits devised plans on how to ambush the Samurai from multiple locations, now Fitz, Frank, and Pedro were learning to fight both on foot and on horseback. There were many grueling days of training and Fitz, Frank and Pedro been pushed past their limits.
Que Paso: Great job! One last test!
Fitz: Oh come on!
Frank: Do we have to?
Pedro: We're tired enough as it is!
Fitz: You've been training us day and night without any breaks for fucking out loud!
Que Paso: Hey! If you refuse to do this test, all will be lost for the Mexican Bandits and the Samurai will take over! It'll be all your fault! Do you want that on your conscience?!
Fitz (rolling his eyes): Fine! You talked us into it!
Que Paso: Now you have to do a song and dance!
Frank: Are you serious?
Que Paso: What better way to distract the Samurai with that, hey?
Pedro: As Fitz said before, You talked us into it, puto!
Que Paso goes to a piano and begins to play. The song that he was playing is My Little Buttercup. Although they were tired from training, Fitz, Frank, and Pedro began to dance.
Fitz, Frank, and Pedro (singing): My little buttercup has the sweetest smile
Dear little buttercup, won't you stay awhile
Come with me where moonbeams paint the sky
And you and I might linger in the sweet by and by, oh...
Dear little buttercup, with your eyes so blue
Oh little buttercup, you' re a dream come true
You and I will settle down in a cottage built for two
Oh, dear little buttercup, I love you...
Everybody !
My little buttercup, has the sweetest smile
Dear little buttercup won't you stay awhile
You and I will settle down in a cottage built for two, oh
Dear little buttercup
Sweet little buttercup,
My little buttercup
I love you
Que Paso stopped playing as Fitz, Frank, and Pedro were done with the dance. Que Paso claps his hands.
Fitz: How was that?
Que Paso: You're ready! All three of you are ready!
Chapter Seven:
Somewhere in the middle of the desert there was a little hut made out of cactuses. Thester was inside and he was tied and chained to a wooden post. Then the Mexican Bandits from earlier who took him away by order from Que Paso earlier reveal to Thester that they were really Samurais the whole time!
Thester (demanding): What do you want with me?!
Samurai #1: You are a troublemaker!
Samurai #2: Yes, you will be the key to our victory over the Mexican Bandits.
Struggling against his bonds, Thester continued to ask what his fate has in store.
Thester: Why did that Mexican Bandit order you to take me?
Samurai #3: We played a trick on him. To think we were.
Samurai #4: Actually, we pretended to be Mexican Bandits when indeed we are really Samurai!
Samurai #2: Now that we have you, will be a part of our plan to eliminate both your three friends and the Mexican Bandits!
Thester (cries): Why is this happening?!
Samurai #1: WHAT?!?! We just explained it to you! Do we need to go over it again!
Samurai #2: You're going to make us talk too much! Don't make repeat ourselves!
Samurai #3: In the meantime you are our prisoner!
Thester: By chance, if you do win against my friends and the Mexican Bandits, what will become of me?
Samurai #4: GOSH! You are such a self absorbed little asshole!
Samurai #1: I know right! He's a narrissist!
Samurai #2: Okay fine. When we are done with the Mexican Bandits and your friends...
Samurai #1: You are going to marry this......
A door opens and a huge giant cockroach comes out of the other room.
Thester (screams): I have to marry THAT?!?!?
Samurai #3: Exactly! That way you will help us fulfill an Ancient Japanese Prophecy!
Thester: What's the thing you speak about?
Samurai #2: That whoever troublemaking man marries a cockroach, the Japanese Samurai will rule Tombstone Arizona, forever!
All four of the Samurai get together and laugh in an evil manner at Thester.
Thester (sobs): Fitz! Fitz! Where Ever You Are! SAVE ME! (sobs)
Chapter Eight:
Coming out of the Atlantic City arena. Randall, Gina, Kevin, Bullet, and Dusty all bragged about how much fun they had!
Kevin: John Cena sure kicked major ass!
Randall: You bet he did! He was better than Matthew Modine in that crappy Vision Quest!
Dusty: Wow! Just with one hubcap, we already went places around the Eastern Seaboard!
Bullet: First it was the wrestling match, then we saw Lana Del Rey! I got to be with her backstage if you know what I mean!
Gina: Hey, Bullet. You were the one who had the hubcap last. Bring it out.
Bullet: Yes, I will. Okay magic hubcap work your stuff and.....
Searching around for the hubcap, Bullet discovers his lost it.
Kevin: Where's the hubcap?
Dusty: Well, come on! We're waiting! While we're still young!
Randall: Yeah, I want to have more rich people style fun!
Bullet: FUCK I LOST IT!
Randall: YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU RECKLESS DRUGGIE SON OF A BITCH! (shakes Bullet senselessly) Second time you failed us! (drops Bullet)
Kevin: Oh no! How could you, Bullet! We trusted you with it.
Bullet: Well, I think I was a little tipsy when I was with Lana Del Rey. I had too much to drink at that wrestling match and....
Dusty: You guys should've let me keep it. I would've been responsible for it.
Randall: Bullshit, Dusty! You would've ate it.
A car horn is heard from behind them. Gina turns around.
Gina: Maybe they're the twat waffles responsible for stealing the hubcap away from Bullet!
Out of the car, came Stanley, Robbie, and Delbert who had the hubcap with them.
Gina: YOU! I KNEW IT! WE SHOULD'VE KNOWN!
Stanley: That's right assholes! Did you forget about me?
Robbie: You see Stanley hired us to follow you. When Bullet was with that Lana Del Rey bitch that was our cue to get this!
Delbert: Now we're going to have fun with this hubcap!
Robbie: You had no clue we were on your tail, did y'all?
Delbert: We dumb hicks are pretty smart if you think about i!
Dusty: Come on guys! We're the Paradise PD! I say we get these sumbitches and make them give us our hubcap back!
Kevin: Awesome idea, Dusty! Get back what's ours!
Randall, Dusty, Gina, Kevin, and Bullet tried to run after Stanley, Robbie, and Delbert. The exhaust pipe from their car blew a huge amount of smoke to stop the Paradise PD in their tracks. Even Gina was effected by it.
Stanley: So long, mother fuckers! Consider yourselves Hopsin'd! (speeds away with Robbie and Delbert)
Bullet: Did Robbie and Delbert win against us?
Dusty: Looks that way. So did Stanley.
Randall: It was that fucking exhaust pipe smoke that stopped us.
Kevin: What are the odds of us getting another hubcap now?
Gina: Silm to nil I guess.
Randall: Know what? Who gives a fuck! Let them have their fun with it.
Kevin: Why do say that, Dad?
Randall: Maybe they'll all end up hitting rock bottom!
Bullet: Guess we can head on home now.
Dusty: Yep, back to basics.
Gina: Gold only makes you happy for a while.
Randall agrees to go back to Paradise. Gina, Kevin, Dusty, and Bullet do as well.
Bullet: We can go to a bus station and see if there's a bus back to Georgia.
Chapter Nine:
With Que Paso by their side, Fitz, Frank, and Pedro were now taught how to use guns and knives, how to fight hand-to-hand, and how to survive in the harsh desert. Fitz, Frank, and Pedro now had Zorro costumes on.
Frank: Oh yes! Look at us now!
Fitz: We're warriors!
Pedro: All that training was worth it, putos!
Fitz: Now that we're trained, what now?
Que Paso: We join the others!
Walking out of the cave with the other Mexican Bandits waiting for Que Paso, Fitz, Frank, and Pedro All jump on their horses and go into battle with the Samarais.
Chapter Ten:
As the hours passed, the conflict between the two groups escalated. The Samurais launched a series of attacks on the town, but the Mexican Bandits held their ground. Fitz Frank, and Pedro fought bravely, using their new skills to take down their enemies.
Que Paso: Excellent work my friends! You all did a very good job!
Fitz: Yes, I admit it felt awesome to take down some Samurai.
Frank: There's only one thing missing, though.
Pedro: Yes, Thester! The guy you omitted!
Que Paso: Let's not worry about him right now. Besides..... (sees a bunch of Samurai swarming by the millions)
Fitz: Yes, besides what?!
Que Paso: Come, I show you! We just need one more person to help!
But Thester was still captive of the Samurais, and Fitz, Frank, Pedro, and not even Que Paso himself was aware. They knew that the only way to do so was to infiltrate the Samarais' stronghold and take out their leader, a mysterious figure known only as "The Master."
Fitz: Who's that guy?!
The Master: You will not call me "THAT GUY"! You will call me The Master!
Frank: Why are you here?
The Master: Maybe you want to tell him Que Paso.
Que Paso: Just the three of you and the two of us. With his power and wisdom, he will help lead us to victory and conquest!
The Master: I happen to know where this Thester guy is. My vision told me everything.
Fitz: Please tell us. It isn't the same without him.
The Master: Those Mexican Bandits earlier that you summoned Que Paso, we're not Mexican Bandits, they were really Samurai in disguise.
Que Paso: OH SHIT! I do not think things though sometimes.
The Master: Quite all right. We all make mistakes.....and
Fitz: JUST TELL US WHERE THESTER IS!
The Master: The Samurai have him in a hut made out of cactuses. They plan to have him marry a giant cockroach in hopes to fulfill from prophecy that well make them rule Tombstone Arizona forever!
Frank: Now we got a rescue mission on our hands.
Pedro: Can we go to this cactus hut now?
The Master: Not exactly. We must defeat all the Samurai first, then we will save your friend.
Fitz: If anything happens to Thester, I WILL HOLD YOU ALL RESPONSIBLE!
Que Paso: You're right. As well you ought to. I was a fool to have banished him. I thought I was sending him to a post office and have him be trained to be a messenger. Now I know that Thester would've been a valuable asset to our cause.
The Master: It was because you thought he was weak.
Que Paso: Now I was wrong.
The Master: No time to wallow around and feel sorry for yourself. We will ride deeper into the desert and go forth to battle!
Fitz, Frank, and Pedro: YAY!!
They nodded to each other and moved forward, their hearts racing with anticipation. They knew that the fate of their friend and the future of Tombstone hung in the balance.
Chapter Eleven (Conclusion):
Fitz, Pedro, and Frank with Que Paso and The Master were near and behind. On their horses. Setting out under the cover of night. The desert was cold and dark, and they could hear the distant howls of coyotes. They knew they were getting close.
As they approached the stronghold, they could see the faint glow of candles and hear the sound of chanting. They crept closer, their weapons at the ready. The cactus hut was their destination as they were slowly reaching the place.
Que Paso: Oh no!
The Master: Just as we feared!
Fitz: What could it be?
Que Paso: They're about to begin the wedding ceremony!
The Master: Now we begin!
Frank: Well, this is it. Time for us to be Zorro!
Fitz: Let's GO!!!
Pedro: We need a battle cry.
Que Paso: No time for such nonsense!
The Master: It starts.....NOW!
The Samurai were getting out of the cactus hut and they were scared at first that Fitz, Frank, Pedro, Que Paso, The Master and all the other Mexican Bandits behind them are charging their way!
Song Invincible By Ok Go Plays.
Fitz, Frank, and Pedro did some Zorro style moves that they were taught by Que Paso. The other Mexican Bandits just used guns. The Master and Que Paso used guns as well.
Samurai #1: They're killing us all!
Samurai #2: Let's send the cockroach after them!
Samurai #3: Good idea.
All the Samurai were getting killed by both the guns and by Fitz, Frank, and Pedro.
Que Paso: Look out! The cockroach!
Fitz: Leave this to us!
The Master and Que Paso continued to use guns to shoot up the Samurai. Fitz, Frank, and Pedro actually flew up to the cockroach and ran around to confuse it.
Frank: That's it! That's it! Show us what you got!
Pedro: We're going to make burritos out of you!
Fitz then used a sword to stab the cockroach in it's spine. Frank used his sword to cut off it's legs, Pedro cut off the cockroach's head, then Fitz finished it off by slicing the cockroach in half with his sword. Soon, all the Samurai were dead and defeated. Que Paso and The Master came to extend their gratitude.
Song Ends
Que Paso: Thank you so much for helping us free our town from the Samurai.
Fitz: It was nothing, really. You see we're actually wanted criminals where we live.
Frank: Yes, we're drug dealers in a small town.
Pedro: Who would've thought that we'd be heroes in another town?
Que Paso: Consider yourselves redeemed! Take this.
Fitz takes a box that Que Paso handed to him. The Master explains what's inside.
The Master: It's an immunity idol. Whoever possesses it gets out of trouble.
Que Paso: It also has a magic power, but you must use it carefully!
Fitz: I will. I will hold my promise to that.
Frank: It was rather cool to be like Zorro, hey!
Pedro: Yes in fact it was.
Fitz: Now how about Thester?
The Master: He's inside the cactus hut, go to him.
Fitz: Oh by the way, how come we didn't need to do the song and dance?
Que Paso: Oh, that was just a silly thing I wanted to force you guys to do for fun for my own amusement!
Fitz: It figures. (pffts)
Frank and Pedro laugh. Fitz goes inside the cactus hut. Seeing Thester bound in ropes and chains.
Thester: Fitz! I can't believe it! You came back!
Fitz: We had an exciting adventure. Sure missed you, though.
Thester: I know. Wished I could've been a part of it.
Fitz: Trust me, you would not believe how much Que Paso our boss in all this regretted leaving you out.
Thester: Those Samurais, they wanted me to marry a cockroach!
Frank laughs out loud as soon as he heard Thester tell Fitz about his ordeal. Pedro was trying to shush him. Fitz frees Thester from his ropes and chains he was tied with.
Que Paso: That's disrespectful.
The Master: Should've thought them empathy.
Que Paso: Great! Calling me out on another mistake!
Frank (laughing): Marry a cockroach! (laughing) Can you imagine Thester...having to marry a....cockroach.
Pedro: Puto! Calm down! Shut up! Want him to hear you?
Frank (laughing): Marry a cockroach! I'm going to (laughing) tease Thester about marrying a...hey wait a minute! Did those Samaurai talk to Scarface? (laughs even harder)
Fitz exits the cactus hut with Thester. Fitz smacks Frank upside the head.
Frank: Ooof!
Fitz: All right, you! I heard you! Enough now! Don't ever laugh at Thester's expense again!
Frank: Okay! I won't anymore! (rolling his eyes)
Thester (points to the immunity idol): What's that cool thing?
Fitz: This is an immunity idol! Our reward for helping the Mexican Bandits. It keeps people out of harm.
Pedro: We going to go home now or what?
The Master: If you wish to go home, use the idol.
Que Paso: You can use it many times you want.
Fitz: Come gather around, Legion of DOOOOOM, this idol will take us back to Paradise!
Frank, Thester, and Pedro All joined Fitz to use the immunity idol to go back home they also say their final goodbyes to The Master and Que Paso.
Que Paso: Thank you for saving Tombstone Arizona! Now we can live a simple life free of modernism!
The Master: Goodbye, Fitz, Frank, and Pedro. You too, Thester. May life be a glorious journey for you all!
Fitz used the immunity idol to transport him and his friends home. Before they knew it, they were back in the Legion of DOOOOOM headquarters with a surprise party waiting for them!
Russian Mobster, Jerry, Pat Robertston, Marcos Narcos: SURPRISE!
Fitz: Will you check this out, a surprise party!
Russian Mobster: Welcome back home!
Jerry (runs to Frank): Daddy!
Frank: I missed you too Jerry!
Marcos Narcos: Where have you guys been?
Fitz: Let me tell you all about it.
Frank, Fitz, Thester, and Pedro All told Russian Mobster, Jerry, Pat Robertson, and Marcos Narcos their adventure in Tombstone Arizona. Then the Legion of DOOOOOM partied into the night in celebration that their elite members have finally came back and avoided capture from the Paradise PD.
Fitz even shows them the immunity idol he got, now with the idol by their side, the Legion of DOOOOOM can get away with any crime as they please.
THE END
Fanfic Title
Hubcap Samurai
by: Hailey Sands
Chapter One:
Outside, about to break into the Legion of DOOOOOM Headquarters. Randall in the lead with everyone else behind him, instructs Stanley to help him break in.
Randall: Stanley! Call the order to attack! We're about to bust Fitz the Kingpin!
Stanley: Okay, get ready everyone. 1.....2....(falls asleep)
Randall: Fuck him! He's useless anyway.
Kevin: You're the leader, you give out the order.
Randall: All right, Paradise PD! We are so close now!
Dusty, Gina, Randall, and Kevin get their guns ready.
In the Legion of DOOOOOM Headquarters, Fitz and Thester were panicking.
Fitz: Damn! We're about to be fresh meat for the Paradise PD!
Thester: They'll slaughter us! Tear us to pieces!
Fitz: And I used to work for them!
Pedro: We need to think of a way to escape!
Frank: I got it!
Thester: Tell us Frank! We can use some hope!
Frank: We have that escape pod we never used.
Fitz: You're right. Come on, to the escape pod! Thester, Frank, and Pedro come with me!
Russian Mobster: What about us?!
Fitz: The rest of you stay here and tell the tale!
Russian Mobster, Pat Robertson, Jerry, Puffy, and Marcos Narcos were forced to stay behind.
Jerry: Good bye Daddy!
Frank: I'll be back for you, son!
Marcos Narcos: Why do THEY get to go?
Russian Mobster: Because they're the elite 1...2....3....4! 4! (laughs)
Fitz: Escape pod! Here we come!
Thester: I hope we won't be stuck in a bomb shelter for years on end like Blast From The Past!
Frank: Why does that scare you?
Thester: Because where ever we go, I want to be able to go out places.
Frank: You've always had an extreme case of the wanderlast!
Fitz, Thester, Frank, and Pedro enter the escape pod. Still about to break in, Gina notices Bullet is gone.
Gina: Where the fuck is Bullet?
Dusty: Probably on the set of Snow Dogs! (laughs)
Randall: No time for your silly ass jokes, Dusty!
Kevin: We need to concentrate! We are so close to nailing....
Bullet (from behind): Hey guys! Guess what!
Immediately distracted from their mission, Randall, Kevin, Gina, and Dusty all turn around. Stanley woke up.
Stanley: What the hell.....
The Legion of DOOOOOM Headquarters had a roof explosion that was caused by the Escape Pod. Everybody turned their attention towards Bullet.
Kevin: Bullet! Where were you!
Bullet: You won't believe what I found.
Randall: Dammit Bullet! We were so close to arresting Fitz! (looking at the sky at the escape pod) And now they got away! It's all your fault.
Gina: What did you find that was so paramount you had to ruin our big chance?
Bullet shows them a golden hubcap.
Dusty: Woah! That is so shiny.
Kevin: Is that a belt buckle?
Bullet: Nope, its a hubcup.
Gina: It's golden.
Randall: Know what? Forget police business for a while.
Bullet: Really?
Randall (takes the hubcap): Let's see if this baby will take us places!
Kevin: What type of places?
Randall: High places!
Dusty: Can we buy a deluxe apartment in the sky with it? We can live like The Jeffersons!
Randall: Something like that!
Chapter Two:
The escape pod was in the sky and then it was about to land. When it does, it lands someplace in the middle of a desert. There was a small village however, it looked like it was stuck in the 1850s. People were even riding on horse carriages instead of cars. Fitz gets out first. Thester, Frank, and Pedro all follow.
Pedro: This looks like my hometown of Mexico, puto.
Frank: Maybe that's where we are!
Fitz: Hold on, I'll figure out where we are.
Going on his locator app on his smart phone, Fitz asks where they've landed.
Thester: I hope there's internet here.
Frank (scoffs): Typical millienial! Can't be without the internet!
Fitz: I got internet on my phone here. Okay, according to my smart phone. We are in the town called Tombstone Arizona!
Pedro: No wonder it looked like Mexico!
A rumbling from far away is heard.
Thester (gasps): Earthquake! Run for your lives!
Fitz: No, it's okay. It's not an Earthquake. It's a......stampede!
A bunch of horse and carriages come their way. Inside the carriages, people were shooting each other as if they were in a feud. The people on one side were Samurais. The people on the other side were Mexican Bandits.
Frank: Wow! It's like we're in the middle of a war!
Pedro: Seems that way!
Fitz: Quick! Duck down!
Frank, Fitz, Thester, and Pedro all stayed out of sight. Then they see carriages stop and slow down towards them. Some of the carriages left after being shot at. One of the people comes out of the carriage dressed in a Mexican Bandit outfits.
Pedro: Dios Mio!
Bandit: Hola!
Fitz: Do you speak English?
Pedro: I know some Spanish.
Bandit: It's fine. I speak both. Welcome to Tombstone Arizona. We've been looking for some people like yourself to get some help freeing our town.
Thester: Do you guys have any technology?
Bandit: Nope we like to live in the past. You won't find that stuff here.
Thester: Ooohhhh.
Fitz: Who were those people who were shooting at?
Bandit: Evil Samurais who want us out so they can modernize us. You see, we want to stay and live like it's the 1850s!
Frank: How do you want our help?
More Mexican Bandits came from the carriage.
Bandit #2: Boss, how many do of these men do we need to help us?
Bandit: Okay, all of you are going to be be trained like Zorro!
Fitz: You want us to be heroes? Hell no! We're evil!
The Bandits take a look at Frank, Fitz, Thester and Pedro and all talk. Then they made a decision.
Bandit: We are going to train you to be Zorro-like heroes to defeat our enemy. However, only three of you are approved. The other...oh hooo...
Bandit #2: What's your choice?
Bandit: I'll take the black guy...
Fitz: HEY!
Bandit: The guy with the funny arms!
Frank: I resent that!
Bandit: (to Pedro) And this puto!
Pedro (laughs) You guys say puto?
Thester: You forgot me!
Bandit: Oh right! I know exactly what we'll do with you! (whistles)
More Mexican Bandits in another carriage come and take away Thester.
Fitz: Hey! Why are you doing that to him for?
Bandit: We need 3! Not four!
Soon Thester finds himself being taken to who knows where.
Frank: I'd hate to be in his shoes.
Thester: HEY! HEY! STOP THIS! I WANT TO BE WITH MY FRIENDS! FITZ! DO SOMETHING! I WANT TO BE A ZORRO HERO TOOOOOOO!!
Bandit: You'll have to do without him! Come with me.
Fitz: Well, looks like we going to become Zorro!
Pedro: Well, some of us!
Chapter Three:
Randall had the hubcap in his hand. With Kevin, Bullet, Stanley, Dusty, and Gina walking alongside him.
Dusty: I think this hubcap will be our ticket to Paradise High Society!
Randall: No way! Not here in Paradise! Think big you guys! There's more to the world than Paradise! Why not Atlantic City?
Kevin: Yeah, or New York Citu would be cool!
Gina: But first, let's test the waters. (points to a night club)
Bullet: It's a start.
Dusty walks to the front door of the Night Club. Only to be stopped by a bouncer.
Bouncer: What's your business here?
Dusty: Well, we.....uhhh.
Randall (shoves Dusty aside): Outta my way!
Bouncer: Are you a VIP member? If so I need to see your ID!
Randall: Fuck IDs! Hows about this!
The Bouncer was astounded when he saw the golden hubcap.
Gina: There's five of us here! Would this hubcap over all of us?
Bouncer: Absolutely it will! Come on in!
Bullet: YES! It worked!
Kevin: They actually bought it!
Gina: Now, let's go live the high life!
Randall: I'm going to John Travolta my way on the dance floor!
Bullet: We're going to have very many "Harlem Nights" after this!
The nightclub people were staring at the Paradise PD dancing in a swanky nightclub in disarray.
Chapter Four:
Back in Tombstone Arizona. The leader of the Mexican Bandit whose name was Que Paso was in a cave leading around Fitz, Frank and Pedro.
Fitz: What the fuck is with this cave?
Que Paso: We're showing you to our training stations. Oh by the way, we haven't been properly introduced. Yo Soy Que Paso.
Frank (snicking): Ole El Paso! Like the Salsa!
Pedro (slaps Frank): No stupido Puto! Que Paso!
Frank (rubbing his cheek): All right, sorry. Take everything so personally.....
Fitz: Can you at least tell me why you excluded Thester?
Que Paso: I do not want that Cockney Gringo around! He looked weak to me, to be honest.
Fitz: You're not going to give him a chance at all, are you?
Que Paso: Nada! Now shut up and let's begin our training!
Fitz: But he's a very capable of handling himself and.....
Que Paso: What did I just say.
Pushing a door to the cave, Fitz, Frank, and Pedro see before them a training room that looked like an old fashioned gymnasium.
Frank: How are you going to train us?
Que Paso: If you're going to help us take down the Samurais, you will be trained like Samarais. First off. Excercise! Drop and give me 20!
Pedro: 20 what?
Que Paso: Push ups! What do you think!
Fitz, Frank, and Predo were doing push ups. When they were done, Que Paso ordered them to do more.
Que Paso: Now, sit ups!
Fitz, Frank and Pedro did the sit ups like they were told.
Frank: Is there point to any of this?
Que Paso: We need to make you strong, as strong as the Samurai!
Fitz: I thought we were going to be like Zorro.
Que Paso: That's the whole point. Zorro knew Martial Arts, why else was he a great sword fighter?
Pedro: When do we get to the Zorro Samurai training or whatever it is?
Que Paso: Now that you're done with sit ups, run 50 laps around the cave.
Now, Frank, Fitz, and Pedro were running around the cave.
Que Paso: Forgot to tell you all. In order to beat the Samurai! You must become the Samurai! They're very physically fit! You all need to be too!
Fitz: Wonder how Thester is doing? Is he having any trouble?
Chapter Five:
Leaving the night club, Randall wants to find another way to use the golden hubcap.
Randall: That was awesome!
Dusty: Did you see how everyone was staring at us?
Kevin: They didn't have a clue as to why we small town cops were at a rich night club.
Gina: So! What should we do next?
Bullet: This golden hubcup is the best thing that's ever....
Before he can say anything else, a limo stops in front of Bullet.
Bullet: HEY! Watch where you're going, will ya! Golden Hubcap here!
Out of the sunroof, there was John Cena.
Bullet: Is that....are you.....
John Cena: John Cena?! Yes I am!
Kevin: Wow! We're even meeting wrestlers now?
John Cena: Is that a golden hubcap? That is so sick! You guys gotta come watch the fight with us in Atlantic City!
Gina: Hey, Randall. Didn't you mention something before about Atlantic City?
Randall: Yes I have. Please continue, John Cena!
John Cena: Yes, then after the fight! We're taking a helicopter! It's Lana Del Rey's birthday!
Dusty: Are you inviting us to Lana Del Rey's birthday!
John Cena: Of course! Come on in! After all I am....JOHN CENA!
Randall, Kevin, Gina Bullet, and Dusty all go inside the limo.
Kevin: We're even getting invited to celebrity parties! Where else can this all lead, maybe a Malibu mansion!
Randall: Think we ought to stick with the East Coast for now.
The limo drives to Atlantic City.
Chapter Six:
Still in the cave. Que Paso was still working Fitz, Frank, and Pedro into 'Samurai Training'. Song Grisfolk The Struggle plays. Now they were being trained for sword fighting. The other Mexican Bandits devised plans on how to ambush the Samurai from multiple locations, now Fitz, Frank, and Pedro were learning to fight both on foot and on horseback. There were many grueling days of training and Fitz, Frank and Pedro been pushed past their limits.
Que Paso: Great job! One last test!
Fitz: Oh come on!
Frank: Do we have to?
Pedro: We're tired enough as it is!
Fitz: You've been training us day and night without any breaks for fucking out loud!
Que Paso: Hey! If you refuse to do this test, all will be lost for the Mexican Bandits and the Samurai will take over! It'll be all your fault! Do you want that on your conscience?!
Fitz (rolling his eyes): Fine! You talked us into it!
Que Paso: Now you have to do a song and dance!
Frank: Are you serious?
Que Paso: What better way to distract the Samurai with that, hey?
Pedro: As Fitz said before, You talked us into it, puto!
Que Paso goes to a piano and begins to play. The song that he was playing is My Little Buttercup. Although they were tired from training, Fitz, Frank, and Pedro began to dance.
Fitz, Frank, and Pedro (singing): My little buttercup has the sweetest smile
Dear little buttercup, won't you stay awhile
Come with me where moonbeams paint the sky
And you and I might linger in the sweet by and by, oh...
Dear little buttercup, with your eyes so blue
Oh little buttercup, you' re a dream come true
You and I will settle down in a cottage built for two
Oh, dear little buttercup, I love you...
Everybody !
My little buttercup, has the sweetest smile
Dear little buttercup won't you stay awhile
You and I will settle down in a cottage built for two, oh
Dear little buttercup
Sweet little buttercup,
My little buttercup
I love you
Que Paso stopped playing as Fitz, Frank, and Pedro were done with the dance. Que Paso claps his hands.
Fitz: How was that?
Que Paso: You're ready! All three of you are ready!
Chapter Seven:
Somewhere in the middle of the desert there was a little hut made out of cactuses. Thester was inside and he was tied and chained to a wooden post. Then the Mexican Bandits from earlier who took him away by order from Que Paso earlier reveal to Thester that they were really Samurais the whole time!
Thester (demanding): What do you want with me?!
Samurai #1: You are a troublemaker!
Samurai #2: Yes, you will be the key to our victory over the Mexican Bandits.
Struggling against his bonds, Thester continued to ask what his fate has in store.
Thester: Why did that Mexican Bandit order you to take me?
Samurai #3: We played a trick on him. To think we were.
Samurai #4: Actually, we pretended to be Mexican Bandits when indeed we are really Samurai!
Samurai #2: Now that we have you, will be a part of our plan to eliminate both your three friends and the Mexican Bandits!
Thester (cries): Why is this happening?!
Samurai #1: WHAT?!?! We just explained it to you! Do we need to go over it again!
Samurai #2: You're going to make us talk too much! Don't make repeat ourselves!
Samurai #3: In the meantime you are our prisoner!
Thester: By chance, if you do win against my friends and the Mexican Bandits, what will become of me?
Samurai #4: GOSH! You are such a self absorbed little asshole!
Samurai #1: I know right! He's a narrissist!
Samurai #2: Okay fine. When we are done with the Mexican Bandits and your friends...
Samurai #1: You are going to marry this......
A door opens and a huge giant cockroach comes out of the other room.
Thester (screams): I have to marry THAT?!?!?
Samurai #3: Exactly! That way you will help us fulfill an Ancient Japanese Prophecy!
Thester: What's the thing you speak about?
Samurai #2: That whoever troublemaking man marries a cockroach, the Japanese Samurai will rule Tombstone Arizona, forever!
All four of the Samurai get together and laugh in an evil manner at Thester.
Thester (sobs): Fitz! Fitz! Where Ever You Are! SAVE ME! (sobs)
Chapter Eight:
Coming out of the Atlantic City arena. Randall, Gina, Kevin, Bullet, and Dusty all bragged about how much fun they had!
Kevin: John Cena sure kicked major ass!
Randall: You bet he did! He was better than Matthew Modine in that crappy Vision Quest!
Dusty: Wow! Just with one hubcap, we already went places around the Eastern Seaboard!
Bullet: First it was the wrestling match, then we saw Lana Del Rey! I got to be with her backstage if you know what I mean!
Gina: Hey, Bullet. You were the one who had the hubcap last. Bring it out.
Bullet: Yes, I will. Okay magic hubcap work your stuff and.....
Searching around for the hubcap, Bullet discovers his lost it.
Kevin: Where's the hubcap?
Dusty: Well, come on! We're waiting! While we're still young!
Randall: Yeah, I want to have more rich people style fun!
Bullet: FUCK I LOST IT!
Randall: YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU RECKLESS DRUGGIE SON OF A BITCH! (shakes Bullet senselessly) Second time you failed us! (drops Bullet)
Kevin: Oh no! How could you, Bullet! We trusted you with it.
Bullet: Well, I think I was a little tipsy when I was with Lana Del Rey. I had too much to drink at that wrestling match and....
Dusty: You guys should've let me keep it. I would've been responsible for it.
Randall: Bullshit, Dusty! You would've ate it.
A car horn is heard from behind them. Gina turns around.
Gina: Maybe they're the twat waffles responsible for stealing the hubcap away from Bullet!
Out of the car, came Stanley, Robbie, and Delbert who had the hubcap with them.
Gina: YOU! I KNEW IT! WE SHOULD'VE KNOWN!
Stanley: That's right assholes! Did you forget about me?
Robbie: You see Stanley hired us to follow you. When Bullet was with that Lana Del Rey bitch that was our cue to get this!
Delbert: Now we're going to have fun with this hubcap!
Robbie: You had no clue we were on your tail, did y'all?
Delbert: We dumb hicks are pretty smart if you think about i!
Dusty: Come on guys! We're the Paradise PD! I say we get these sumbitches and make them give us our hubcap back!
Kevin: Awesome idea, Dusty! Get back what's ours!
Randall, Dusty, Gina, Kevin, and Bullet tried to run after Stanley, Robbie, and Delbert. The exhaust pipe from their car blew a huge amount of smoke to stop the Paradise PD in their tracks. Even Gina was effected by it.
Stanley: So long, mother fuckers! Consider yourselves Hopsin'd! (speeds away with Robbie and Delbert)
Bullet: Did Robbie and Delbert win against us?
Dusty: Looks that way. So did Stanley.
Randall: It was that fucking exhaust pipe smoke that stopped us.
Kevin: What are the odds of us getting another hubcap now?
Gina: Silm to nil I guess.
Randall: Know what? Who gives a fuck! Let them have their fun with it.
Kevin: Why do say that, Dad?
Randall: Maybe they'll all end up hitting rock bottom!
Bullet: Guess we can head on home now.
Dusty: Yep, back to basics.
Gina: Gold only makes you happy for a while.
Randall agrees to go back to Paradise. Gina, Kevin, Dusty, and Bullet do as well.
Bullet: We can go to a bus station and see if there's a bus back to Georgia.
Chapter Nine:
With Que Paso by their side, Fitz, Frank, and Pedro were now taught how to use guns and knives, how to fight hand-to-hand, and how to survive in the harsh desert. Fitz, Frank, and Pedro now had Zorro costumes on.
Frank: Oh yes! Look at us now!
Fitz: We're warriors!
Pedro: All that training was worth it, putos!
Fitz: Now that we're trained, what now?
Que Paso: We join the others!
Walking out of the cave with the other Mexican Bandits waiting for Que Paso, Fitz, Frank, and Pedro All jump on their horses and go into battle with the Samarais.
Chapter Ten:
As the hours passed, the conflict between the two groups escalated. The Samurais launched a series of attacks on the town, but the Mexican Bandits held their ground. Fitz Frank, and Pedro fought bravely, using their new skills to take down their enemies.
Que Paso: Excellent work my friends! You all did a very good job!
Fitz: Yes, I admit it felt awesome to take down some Samurai.
Frank: There's only one thing missing, though.
Pedro: Yes, Thester! The guy you omitted!
Que Paso: Let's not worry about him right now. Besides..... (sees a bunch of Samurai swarming by the millions)
Fitz: Yes, besides what?!
Que Paso: Come, I show you! We just need one more person to help!
But Thester was still captive of the Samurais, and Fitz, Frank, Pedro, and not even Que Paso himself was aware. They knew that the only way to do so was to infiltrate the Samarais' stronghold and take out their leader, a mysterious figure known only as "The Master."
Fitz: Who's that guy?!
The Master: You will not call me "THAT GUY"! You will call me The Master!
Frank: Why are you here?
The Master: Maybe you want to tell him Que Paso.
Que Paso: Just the three of you and the two of us. With his power and wisdom, he will help lead us to victory and conquest!
The Master: I happen to know where this Thester guy is. My vision told me everything.
Fitz: Please tell us. It isn't the same without him.
The Master: Those Mexican Bandits earlier that you summoned Que Paso, we're not Mexican Bandits, they were really Samurai in disguise.
Que Paso: OH SHIT! I do not think things though sometimes.
The Master: Quite all right. We all make mistakes.....and
Fitz: JUST TELL US WHERE THESTER IS!
The Master: The Samurai have him in a hut made out of cactuses. They plan to have him marry a giant cockroach in hopes to fulfill from prophecy that well make them rule Tombstone Arizona forever!
Frank: Now we got a rescue mission on our hands.
Pedro: Can we go to this cactus hut now?
The Master: Not exactly. We must defeat all the Samurai first, then we will save your friend.
Fitz: If anything happens to Thester, I WILL HOLD YOU ALL RESPONSIBLE!
Que Paso: You're right. As well you ought to. I was a fool to have banished him. I thought I was sending him to a post office and have him be trained to be a messenger. Now I know that Thester would've been a valuable asset to our cause.
The Master: It was because you thought he was weak.
Que Paso: Now I was wrong.
The Master: No time to wallow around and feel sorry for yourself. We will ride deeper into the desert and go forth to battle!
Fitz, Frank, and Pedro: YAY!!
They nodded to each other and moved forward, their hearts racing with anticipation. They knew that the fate of their friend and the future of Tombstone hung in the balance.
Chapter Eleven (Conclusion):
Fitz, Pedro, and Frank with Que Paso and The Master were near and behind. On their horses. Setting out under the cover of night. The desert was cold and dark, and they could hear the distant howls of coyotes. They knew they were getting close.
As they approached the stronghold, they could see the faint glow of candles and hear the sound of chanting. They crept closer, their weapons at the ready. The cactus hut was their destination as they were slowly reaching the place.
Que Paso: Oh no!
The Master: Just as we feared!
Fitz: What could it be?
Que Paso: They're about to begin the wedding ceremony!
The Master: Now we begin!
Frank: Well, this is it. Time for us to be Zorro!
Fitz: Let's GO!!!
Pedro: We need a battle cry.
Que Paso: No time for such nonsense!
The Master: It starts.....NOW!
The Samurai were getting out of the cactus hut and they were scared at first that Fitz, Frank, Pedro, Que Paso, The Master and all the other Mexican Bandits behind them are charging their way!
Song Invincible By Ok Go Plays.
Fitz, Frank, and Pedro did some Zorro style moves that they were taught by Que Paso. The other Mexican Bandits just used guns. The Master and Que Paso used guns as well.
Samurai #1: They're killing us all!
Samurai #2: Let's send the cockroach after them!
Samurai #3: Good idea.
All the Samurai were getting killed by both the guns and by Fitz, Frank, and Pedro.
Que Paso: Look out! The cockroach!
Fitz: Leave this to us!
The Master and Que Paso continued to use guns to shoot up the Samurai. Fitz, Frank, and Pedro actually flew up to the cockroach and ran around to confuse it.
Frank: That's it! That's it! Show us what you got!
Pedro: We're going to make burritos out of you!
Fitz then used a sword to stab the cockroach in it's spine. Frank used his sword to cut off it's legs, Pedro cut off the cockroach's head, then Fitz finished it off by slicing the cockroach in half with his sword. Soon, all the Samurai were dead and defeated. Que Paso and The Master came to extend their gratitude.
Song Ends
Que Paso: Thank you so much for helping us free our town from the Samurai.
Fitz: It was nothing, really. You see we're actually wanted criminals where we live.
Frank: Yes, we're drug dealers in a small town.
Pedro: Who would've thought that we'd be heroes in another town?
Que Paso: Consider yourselves redeemed! Take this.
Fitz takes a box that Que Paso handed to him. The Master explains what's inside.
The Master: It's an immunity idol. Whoever possesses it gets out of trouble.
Que Paso: It also has a magic power, but you must use it carefully!
Fitz: I will. I will hold my promise to that.
Frank: It was rather cool to be like Zorro, hey!
Pedro: Yes in fact it was.
Fitz: Now how about Thester?
The Master: He's inside the cactus hut, go to him.
Fitz: Oh by the way, how come we didn't need to do the song and dance?
Que Paso: Oh, that was just a silly thing I wanted to force you guys to do for fun for my own amusement!
Fitz: It figures. (pffts)
Frank and Pedro laugh. Fitz goes inside the cactus hut. Seeing Thester bound in ropes and chains.
Thester: Fitz! I can't believe it! You came back!
Fitz: We had an exciting adventure. Sure missed you, though.
Thester: I know. Wished I could've been a part of it.
Fitz: Trust me, you would not believe how much Que Paso our boss in all this regretted leaving you out.
Thester: Those Samurais, they wanted me to marry a cockroach!
Frank laughs out loud as soon as he heard Thester tell Fitz about his ordeal. Pedro was trying to shush him. Fitz frees Thester from his ropes and chains he was tied with.
Que Paso: That's disrespectful.
The Master: Should've thought them empathy.
Que Paso: Great! Calling me out on another mistake!
Frank (laughing): Marry a cockroach! (laughing) Can you imagine Thester...having to marry a....cockroach.
Pedro: Puto! Calm down! Shut up! Want him to hear you?
Frank (laughing): Marry a cockroach! I'm going to (laughing) tease Thester about marrying a...hey wait a minute! Did those Samaurai talk to Scarface? (laughs even harder)
Fitz exits the cactus hut with Thester. Fitz smacks Frank upside the head.
Frank: Ooof!
Fitz: All right, you! I heard you! Enough now! Don't ever laugh at Thester's expense again!
Frank: Okay! I won't anymore! (rolling his eyes)
Thester (points to the immunity idol): What's that cool thing?
Fitz: This is an immunity idol! Our reward for helping the Mexican Bandits. It keeps people out of harm.
Pedro: We going to go home now or what?
The Master: If you wish to go home, use the idol.
Que Paso: You can use it many times you want.
Fitz: Come gather around, Legion of DOOOOOM, this idol will take us back to Paradise!
Frank, Thester, and Pedro All joined Fitz to use the immunity idol to go back home they also say their final goodbyes to The Master and Que Paso.
Que Paso: Thank you for saving Tombstone Arizona! Now we can live a simple life free of modernism!
The Master: Goodbye, Fitz, Frank, and Pedro. You too, Thester. May life be a glorious journey for you all!
Fitz used the immunity idol to transport him and his friends home. Before they knew it, they were back in the Legion of DOOOOOM headquarters with a surprise party waiting for them!
Russian Mobster, Jerry, Pat Robertston, Marcos Narcos: SURPRISE!
Fitz: Will you check this out, a surprise party!
Russian Mobster: Welcome back home!
Jerry (runs to Frank): Daddy!
Frank: I missed you too Jerry!
Marcos Narcos: Where have you guys been?
Fitz: Let me tell you all about it.
Frank, Fitz, Thester, and Pedro All told Russian Mobster, Jerry, Pat Robertson, and Marcos Narcos their adventure in Tombstone Arizona. Then the Legion of DOOOOOM partied into the night in celebration that their elite members have finally came back and avoided capture from the Paradise PD.
Fitz even shows them the immunity idol he got, now with the idol by their side, the Legion of DOOOOOM can get away with any crime as they please.
THE END
Sign up to rate and review this story