Categories > Cartoons > Paradise PD

Back To Blackie

by P0isonIvy543 0 reviews

A Flashback story about the early days of Paradise PD when Blackie Chan worked for them.

Category: Paradise PD - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2024-01-17 - 2712 words - Complete

Story: Back To Blackie
by: Zoey Webber

It's the year 2015. In the bustling town of Paradise, where chaos and hilarity intertwine, Blackie Chan, an average cop of Chinese descent with an unorthodox approach to law enforcement, is having dinner with his parents. His father is named Mackey and his mother is named Yackey.

YACKEY CHAN: So son, how do you like working for the Paradise PD?

BLACKIE CHAN: It's great mom. But it does have it's perks.

MACKEY CHAN: Perks? But type of perks?

BLACKIE CHAN: Well, Dad. Chief Randall is always overdosing on testosterone patches, this one time, he became a red version of the Incredible Hulk. He went on a destructive rampage once.

MACKEY CHAN: Interesting son.

A red light was above the kitchen table. None of them notice.

YACKEY CHAN: Who else do you work for there?

BLACKIE CHAN: There's this big huge obese guy named Dusty. He's extremely childish for his age. He even kills live animals so he can eat them. Last time I saw, he killed a squirrel and ate it raw.


YACKEY CHAN: Well this is an American town so it's no shock that the people here will do that.

BLACKIE CHAN: Did I tell you guys about Stanley yet?

YACKEY CHAN: I don't think you have.

BLACKIE CHAN: Well, Stanley is this eldery bisexual guy who fucks and sucks anything. More like omnisexual if you ask me.

Mackey and Yackey were staring at their son like they could not fathom what their son was telling them.

BLACKIE CHAN slams hand on table: Gina! I forgot Gina! Let me tell you about her. Rumor has it her father used her as a human shield to take a bullet. Now she has a bullet in her brain that makes her to all these violent and sadistic things. You ought to see the way he 'busts punks' by ripping them to pieces.

MACKEY CHAN: Is there anybody on the force who isn't out of sorts?

BLACKIE CHAN: Like someone who's more sane?

YACKEY CHAN: Yes! Hope there is.

BLACKIE CHAN: Kevin Crawford. He's just a rookie for now. In fact he's the only one of them who's friendly and kind.

Cannot understand why his parents are looking at him in shock, Blackie asks them.

BLACKIE CHAN: Is there a problem, Mom and Dad?

YACKEY CHAN: I hope you don't get yourself hurt.

MACKEY CHAN: You have to deal with people like them if you want to make a living and bring home the bacon.

What Blackie Chan didn't know as of yet, he will soon found himself facing an unexpected threat. Dean Hancock, a stickler to outshine the Paradise PD in any way he can especially his rival Randall, received a complaint that threw Blackie Chan's career into jeopardy.

DEAN on phone: Yes. Okay. I'm glad you told me. Thanks goodbye. hangs up phone.

Looking into a room, only Dean Hancock (not the viewer) sees inside.

DEAN: I was only pretending to be on the phone! Nobody will uncover my secret! The key to take down Paradise PD and that shit fucker Randall Crawford!

Determined to maintain order, Dean Hancock paid a visit to the Paradise PD. By breaking down their door.


The stern demeanor that Dean Hancock has is sending shivers down the spines of the officers.

DEAN: I've had it with Blackie Chan's antics!

His voice is booming through the station.

DUSTY: Hmmmmm.....OKay.

DEAN: His reckless behavior has tarnished the reputation of this department. I'm taking him off the force.

Getting up from his seat, Kevin Crawford tried to reason with Hancock, emphasizing Blackie Chan's unique skills and his knack for solving cases that others couldn't.

KEVIN: Reckless behavior? Since when? He's never done anything bad. You don't get it! Blackie is a cop like no other. Blackie isn't like that at all.

The officers exchanged worried glances, knowing that Blackie Chan's removal would be a devastating blow to their dysfunctional yet endearing team. Randall Crawford, the hot-headed officer with a penchant for violence, bristled at Hancock's interference.

RANDALL growls: You can't just waltz in here and take away one of our greatest cops!

GINA: Blackie's a part of this family, and we won't let you tear us apart. Blackie Chan may be unconventional, but his methods yield results.

DEAN: Too bad! He's got to go!

Blackie Chan walks inside to report from work.

DEAN: Well, look what the cat dragged in.

BLACKIE CHAN: Hi, everyone! Is there a problem?

KEVIN: There is a problem. Dean Hancock standing in front of us.

DEAN walks up to Blackie: I have gotten a complaint that you were talking to your parents about the Paradise PD and their antics of running this police force.

RANDALL: Goddammit Blackie! You're not supposed to tell anyone! Not even family! What we do here at the Paradise PD! Don't you remember that law, my ex-wife Karen had passed that cops are never to talk about their work?!

DUSTY: What do you think this is, that movie The Insider?

BLACKIE CHAN: Sorry okay!

Looking around, Blackie Chan senses the disappointment that surrounds him.

STANLEY: His unorthodox approach has led to the resolution of several high-profile cases that stumped the rest of us Yeah, Blackie's like a wild card, but he's our wild card. Like Gambling On The High Seas! I fucked all the men in that movie set!

BLACKIE CHAN: Thank you for defending me Stanley! It wasn't my fault. My parents wanted to know what I do at work and about the people I'm in contact with is all.

DUSTY: You can't predict his next move, and that's what makes him so unpredictable. Blackie's alright, I guess, He keeps things interesting around here.

BLACKIE CHAN: Dusty and Stanley are on my side. Now will anyone else be?

Dean Hancock, unmoved by their pleas, remained resolute.

KEVIN: What's the verdict here? You going to take Blackie Chan away from us?

DEAN: Rules are rules. Blackie Chan is a loose cannon, and there's no place for him in the Paradise PD. Blackie! You're coming with me.

Randall, Kevin, Gina, Stanley all watch as Dean Hancock removes Blackie Chan from the premise.

DUSTY: Goodbye Blackie Chan! I'll miss you! What are we going to do now?

GINA: We'll think of something.

KEVIN: We can't lose Blackie. Sure he didn't follow one rule not to talk about work to anyone. But we need to get him back.

RANDALL: We find out who exposed Blackie Chan to Dean Hancock and after that we'll see where Dean is taking Blackie.

In a car, driving out in the middle of the fields. Dean Hancock was taking Blackie Chan to a faraway location.

BLACKIE CHAN: Is this what happens when I tell secrets? You will make me disappear forever?

DEAN: Yeah, well you wanted to expose our secrets!

The car stopped and there was an empty mansion inside. Dean and Blackie Chan entered.

BLACKIE CHAN: What is this place?

DEAN: A place for snitches like you to never open your mouth to people about what goes on in Police Departments ever!

Blackie Chan soon found himself by Dean Hancock being shoved inside.

DEAN: In case you're wondering if there's anyone else, it's just you.

BLACKIE CHAN: How about you?

Randall drove to Diamond City along with Kevin, Dusty, Stanley, and Gina. Then breaking into Dean's office. Finding Dean's big secret. A compute room that Dean was gloating over earlier. Randall decides it's time to investigate.

KEVIN: Will this do us any good?

RANDALL: Yes it will! He took Blackie Chan away from us, so we'll find something on him!

Gina spots some headphones.

DUSTY: Gina! You found something!

GINA: These headphones, he must have used to listen in on Blackie Chan telling his parents about us.

RANDALL: Correct. sees a wire And there's a big long wire, probably leads to Paradise.

KEVIN: A computer too! Connected to the wire!

DUSTY: Could it be he was listening in?

GINA: That's what we just found out!

DUSTY: What does he think this is an, Ex Machina? One of those films about computers taking over.

STANLEY: Now all we need to do is find where Dean took Blackie.

RANDALL: For once you're lucid, Stanley. That's amazing coming out of you!

Kevin looks at the computer and sees that on Dean Hancock's computer there's bugs of red lights in every house of all the members of the Paradise PD.

DUSTY: Oh no! He knows all our secrets! He even knows about my Teddy Ruxpin underwear I bet!

GINA: Who knows how many times that twat waffle spied on me in the shower.

Kevin goes to a drawer and finds a paper with an address on it.

RANDALL: Now, let's find out where Dean Hancock is.

KEVIN gets his cellphone: Maybe we can get some inside help.

DUSTY: Who are you calling?

KEVIN: You'll see.

At the mansion where Dean Hancock had Blackie Chan. A knock was heard.

BLACK CHAN: You cannot keep me here against my will! This is kidnapping!

DEAN: Shut up and let me open the door.

Going to the front door, Dean Hancock answers. It was Robbie and Delbert.

DEAN: What the fuck do you guys want?

ROBBIE: Hello, can we interest you in some porn movies from the 1960's!

DEAN: I prefer 70's porn, so no!

DELBERT: Wait until we hear what we have!

DEAN: Fine! What do you got? rolling his eyes

ROBBIE: We have Scream Of A Butterfly, and what else.....

DELBERT: And everyone's favorite about a male prostitute, Midnight Cowboy!

DEAN slams the door: FUCK OFF!

Walking his way over to Blackie Chan, Dean Hancock tells him of his plan.

DEAN: Now, black to.....oh right, Back To You, Blackie Chan! Why the hell are you named that? You're not even black!

BLACKIE CHAN: Does that matter? Okay, do whatever you want. But please if you let me go I promise that I won't tell anyone else about anything anymore.

DEAN pulls out gun: No! You see, you're going to be hidden away here.


DEAN: I've been spying on you Paradise PD assholes. Thanks to my computer and long wire! I have a secret room. All the info I got from them, especially from you. I will expose them to the world as the incompetent police force they really are! I have you to thank for that, Blackie!

BLACKIE CHAN: What will you do with me in the meantime?

DEAN: Keep you here. Then when my plan goes though, you will come and work for me.

BLACKIE CHAN: I never liked you!

DEAN: You don't have a choice!

Back at Dean Hancock's office. Stanley wondered who it was Kevin called.

STANLEY: Who did you call on your phone?

KEVIN: It was Robbie and Delbert.

RANDALL: Why did you involve those rednecks mother fuckers for?

KEVIN: Well, I had my reasons.

DUSTY: We trust you.

KEVIN: While you guys were snooping around on his computer, I looked into his drawers and found this address!

Pulling out of piece of paper, Kevin shows them the address where Dean Hancock was holding Blackie Chan hostage.

RANDALL: Kevin! I never thought I'd say this, but you're smarter than Sheldon and Leonard!

GINA: Did you call Robbie and Delbert and tell them to go there?

DUSTY: Elementary, My Dear Gina!

KEVIN: Hey, I was going to say that! Anyway, Are we going to this address?

DUSTY: Sorry. It just sounded cool to say.

RANDALL: Into your cars people! Finally! I will have the upper hand on that Hancock shit for brains!

In the mansion, Dean Hancock was trying hard to get Blackie Chan to join him.

DEAN: Come on! Think of the possibilities! If you come work for me, I'll give you a raise! Better yet, a promotion! You'll be my number 2 man, oh hell. I'll even make you police chief of Diamond City! If you just give me a chance! You'll be very very rich! The richest police officer in all of Illinois! Wouldn't you like that?!


As the tension in the room grew palpable, a mischievous glint appeared in Blackie Chan's eyes. With a sly grin, he stepped forward, his hands raised in surrender.


BLACKIE CHAN: Alright, alright, I'll go quietly.

DEAN: Thought you would.

As his voice laced with mock resignation. Blackie Chan asks for something else.

BLACKIE CHAN: But before I do, I have one last request.

Dean Hancock raised an eyebrow, intrigued despite himself.

BLACKIE CHAN: Let me look around my pockets and.....


BLACKIE CHAN gives Dean a paper: I want you to read my resignation letter, to the Paradise PD.

Dean Hancock took the letter and unfolded it, his eyes scanning the words quickly. A chuckle escaped his lips as he read Blackie Chan's final words. I quit Paradise PD. The note reads.

BLACKIE CHAN: It says four simple little words.

DEAN: What's the joke? Is this a joke or is this serious? Hard to tell.

With his stern demeanor rising once more, Dean Hancock beings to be cracking slightly. Blackie Chan shrugged.

BLACKIE CHAN: No joke man! This is totally serious. You can give me a better life at Diamond City Police Department better than the Paradise PD ever could.

Dean Hancock notices a grin widening in Blackie Chan's face.

BLACKIE CHAN: I'm outta here!

DEAN: Outta where? Paradise PD?

BLACKIE CHAN: No! From this place! Most of all, from you!

Getting out an ink pen and squirting it in Dean Hancock's eyes. Blackie Chan runs out of the mansion. Soon, all the squad cars that Kevin, Gina, and Randall were driving. Stanley got a ride with Randall while they all surrounded the mansion.

BLACKIE CHAN: GUYS! GUYS! I'm here! Over here! waving his hands.

Dean Hancock runs out of the mansion, and back to Diamond City despite having ink in his eyes.


RANDALL: Blackie! You're here!

KEVIN: Yep, thanks to my snooping we were able to find him!

DUSTY: Very impressive of you Kevin.

GINA: Yes, maybe now you can be a real cop instead of a rookie from now on.

BLACKIE CHAN: Oh Paradise PD! I'm so glad to see you.

KEVIN: Blackie! We're glad to see you too.

RANDALL: Did Dean Hancock prank you in any way? You know that's what he does to me.

BLACKIE CHAN: No, he wanted to hide me away and offer me a job at Diamond City. Because he was going to use my confessions to shame all you on social media. I turned it down. This is where I belong.

GINA: That's what we like to hear. You won't believe what we uncovered!

DUSTY: The reason why he knew all about you telling your parents about us was on account of he had computers with long wires!

KEVIN: Yes! No lie. He even had our houses bugged.

GINA: Mine included!

BLACKIE CHAN: No wonder I was thrown off the force.

RANDALL: It wasn't your fault, Blackie.

BLACKIE CHAN: Did anyone like how I threw ink in Hancock's eyes!

DUSTY: You're unorthodox for a reason!

KEVIN: How were you supposed to know.

BLACKIE CHAN: Well, I'm not one to beat myself up over mistakes.

RANDALL: So, Kevin. Although I'll always be angry with you for shooting off my balls. Guess we all make you an official policeman!

KEVIN: Wow, awesome!

DUSTY: Just don't fuck up or we'll hate you forever!

BLACKIE CHAN: So, we go back to headquarters now?

RANDALL: Yes, we all. But first. Since Dean Hancock has ink in his eyes. That way he won't be able to use his computers....

Blackie Chan, Randall, Gina, Kevin, and Dusty all go back to Dean Hancock's office and break his computers. Including Blackie Chan's confessions to his parents about the Paradise PD. Meanwhile, Kevin was made an official cop. Dean Hancock went back to his office the next day, he could not help but feel stunned and bewildered.

DEAN: I'm going to destroy you someday, Randall Crawford!

The End
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