Categories > Cartoons > Paradise PD
Dusty Go Home!
0 reviewsDusty gets evicted then later gets a mansion from a con man. Fitz and Brett hire a basketball coach.
0Unrated
Paradise PD
Fanfic Title:
Dusty Go Home!
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
In the basement lair of Lovely Corp. Fitz has a plan to blow up the state of California and turn it into Lovely Corp territory. Brett, Frank, Jerry, Puffy, and Pedro were all sitting around the table.
Frank Flipperfist: Destroy California? You're giving us Gene Hackman vibes!
Jerry: Bwahhh
Fitz: Shut up and listen to the plan!
Brett DeMarco: We're the ones in charge of this operation! Not you!
Showing a map of California. Fitz shows them the San Andreas Fault.
Fitz: What I aim to do here is use missiles to blow up this part of California.
Pedro Pooptooth: Genius plan to blow up that part that gives off Earthquakes.
Fitz: Exactly. When all of this is demonlished, tell them what we're going to build in the rubble, Brett.
Brett DeMarco: We are going to build a huge Lovely Corp skyscraper!
Fitz: That's right. This is what it's going to look like...
Flipping a plastic tab off the California map. Fitz shows them where the Lovely Corp skyscraper will be built.
Fitz: From this moment on, this place will be called Lovely-Ville! New west coast! Our west coast.
Brett DeMarco: People will love it! Make us even more richer!
Fitz: There will lots of mind control devices around to brainwash people into buying our stuff! (pointing to the map) Right here will be...Lovely Land. Lovely Sea. Lovely Ski Resort. Lovely Park, and.....Puffyburg!
Brett DeMarco: The fuck! I didn't see that before!
Fitz (walking up to Puffy): Puffyburg?!?! Puffyburg?!?!?!
Puffy The Cigarette: Hey, Frank and Pedro need their own places too!
Fitz (snaps his fingers): Escort this asshole out!
Frank and Pedro throw Puffy out forcibly. Then return to their seats.
Brett DeMarco: Anything you want to ask?
Pedro Pooptooth: When will this event take place?
Fitz: When I want it too. This is a top secret plan and none of you will reveal it to anyone!
Frank Flipperfist: I bet it's a work in progress.
Brett DeMarco: Yes it is, it'll probably happen around 2027. We have lots of time until then.
Fitz: Meeting adjoined.
Brett DeMarco and Fitz both go outside and take a walk down the Lovely Corp parking lot.
Fitz: First California! Then we'll attack the east coast afterward.
Brett DeMarco: We'll build Lovely Corps all over the country!
Fitz: As excited I am for this plan. Do you notice something strange?
Brett DeMarco: What is it?
Fitz: We, the villains of Paradise PD are in the first act.
Brett DeMarco: I noticed that too. The Paradise PD are usually in the first act. Wonder why we are?
Fitz: Who cares. Let's enjoy it for as long as we can.
Brett DeMarco: Where's Zeta?
Fitz: She's spending the week with a friend
Scene 2:
Fitz and Brett were discussing plans for Lovely Corp domination. Puffy the Cigarette runs up to them.
Puffy The Cigarette: I'm sorry I wanted my own place in Cali!
Brett DeMarco: You need to learn that us taking over California one day will NOT be about you!
Fitz: We're getting fucking sick of you wanting to follow us around all the time. Just be a mascot, okay!
Brett DeMarco: Let us handle the important things. Which is something you're not good at doing.
Puffy The Cigarette: OKay! (hangs his head)
The three of them stop walking when they see a man in a hoodie and track pants about to jump into the river.
Man: Goodbye cruel world! I'm leaving you flat! GOODBYE!
Puffy The Cigarette: GOODBYE!
Brett DeMarco: No dumbass he's going to drown himself.
Fitz, Brett, and Puffy all try to run to the man. They were too late. The man jumped into the river as he laughed very loudly.
Brett DeMarco: We going to save him?
Fitz: I think we should!
Brett DeMarco: Rescuing people isn't in our nature!
Fitz: We can use him.
Brett DeMarco: Since you put it that way
Puffy watches as Fitz and Brett jump into the lake and rescued the man.
Fitz: Suicide is not worth it!
Brett DeMarco: We're here to give you a second chance!
Man: Let me die! Let me die!
Fitz: NNNNOOOO!!!!
The man found himself being dragged out of the river by Fitz and Brett.
Man: Why did you rescue me for! I came to Paradise to die!
Fitz: Oh I get it. You wanted to take A Long Way Down.
The man in looked confused.
Fitz: It's a reference to a suicide movie.
Man: Uhhh, something like that.
Brett DeMarco: What do you do for a living?
Man: I'm a high school basketball coach from North Carolina at a place called Cantebury Hills High. What's your name and who are you guys?
Fitz: I'm Gerald Fitzgerald! I'm the head CEO of Lovely Corp.
Brett DeMarco: I'm Brett DeMarco. Second in command. Do you have a name, sir?
Man: Yes. My name is Lenny....
Puffy The Cigarette: Is your last name Squiggy? Get it? Like Laverne and Shirley's boyfriends?
Brett DeMarco kicks Puffy out of the way. The man introduces himself as Lenny Balonski.
Lenny: Lenny, Lenny Balonski.
Fitz: Come with us Lenny! We're giving you a job!
Lenny: OKay!
The high school basketball couch Lenny Balonski follows Fitz and Brett back to Lovely Corp.
Puffy the Cigarette (limping): Wait for meeeee!
Scene 3:
At Paradise PD Headquarters. The working day was done. Kevin pulled down the buzzer that indicated the day was over. Kevin, Gina, Randall, Bullet, and Stanley all went home the way they normally do. Dusty was on the roof and got excited when he heard the buzzer.
Dusty: Yabba Dabba Doo!
Jumping from the Paradise PD Headquarters building. Dusty slid down a crooked pipe, jumped mid air until he landed in his police car to drive home.
Dusty (sings to the tune of the Flinstones theme song): Dusty! Dusty Marlow! I'm a cop who works for the PD!
Continuing to drive and getting distracted by his own singing, Dusty continues to sing.
Dusty (sings to the tune of the Flintstones theme song): ....From the town of Paradise! He's about to crash into a apricot tree!
One mile away from his apartment. Dusty had a minor crash. Got out of the police car and walked his way back.
Dusty: Damn! Must've given myself fucking whiplash. Won't do THAT again.
Finally making it to his apartment. Dusty tries to open the door. Only to see it was locked.
Dusty: Sumbitch! Someone playing a nasty prank on me?
Getting a closer look, Dusty sees an eviction notice on his front.
Dusty:WWWWHHHHAAAAA? Eviction? But why?!?!?!?!
Frank Flipperfist comes as he sees Dusty pound on his door.
Dusty: Frank! What're you doing here? Don't you work at that Lovely Corp place with Fitz?
Frank Flipperfist: Work two jobs if you must know. I have to makes ends meet somehow! Got a dolphin kid that I'm raising! Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a single father?!?!?!
Dusty: Who cares about that! Why am I evicted?!?!
Frank Flipperfist: Because you didn't pay your back wages!
Dusty: I always pay the rent with my police paycheck. Despite what people think I AM responsible.
Frank Flipperfist (scoffs and spits): Responsible my ass! There's more to owning an apartment than paying rent!
Dusty: Please don't do Joe McDoake impressions in front of me!
Taking a look inside, Frank sees Dusty has spent all his money on cat supplies.
Frank Flipperfist: Ha! That figures! No wonder you didn't pay your back wages. You were too busy buying shit for cats!
Dusty: I was saving those supplies for when I finally get a new cat!
Frank Flipperfist: Well, I'm sorry. If you're getting evicted! Everything must go! That includes your cat supplies! (blows whistle) Men! Take it away!
Dusty cries on the concrete as Robbie and Delbert come and throw out everything Dusty owns in his apartment.
Robbie and Delbert (together): Hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut!
Frank Flipperfist: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!!!! Don't do that 'hut hut' shit! Just throw everything out like a normal person would!
Robbie: Sorry! We're new at this eviction stuff!
Delbert: Which things should we throw out first?
Frank Flipperfist: Everything!
Robbie and Delbert throw out everything in Dusty's apartment that he owns. Dusty watches in despair.
Scene 4:
The next morning. Randall was at police headquarters. Kevin, Gina, Stanley, and Bullet were doing their usual thing. That is until Dusty bursts though the door.
Dusty: Urgent! Emergency! Urgent Emergency!
Kevin: You okay, Dusty?
Randall: Why are you quoting a Foreigner song?
Dusty: I just got evicted from my apartment for not paying back wages, do I look okay to you?!
Randall: Geez, Dusty that sounds like a YOU problem.
Stanley: You can come move in with me at You Store It Some!
Dusty: Why? So I can smell your raw egg farts? I don't think so.
Gina: Fuck you Stanley! Dusty deserves better than that!
Dusty: Some help you guys are! Thanks a lot!
Gina: We wish we can help you. But sometimes there's nothing people can do.
Bullet: I think I might have a solution.
Randall: You take this one, Bullet. I'm staying out of it.
Kevin: Yeah me too. I don't know anything about getting someone a new place to live.
Bullet hands Dusty a business card.
Dusty: Are you in the real estate business Bullet?
Bullet: No, this is a card for a real estate agent I know.
Dusty: Hope it's not Annette Benning from American Beauty.....
Bullet: Call the number on the card and that dude I know I can give you home.
Dusty: I'll see what I can do.
Scene 5:
In the break room of Paradise PD headquarters, Dusty calls the phone number.
Dusty: It's ringing, good.
The voice on the other end responded.
Dusty: Yes hello. My name is Dusty Marlow. I got evicted from my apartment and I need a new place fast.
Voice: Well, say no more. I'll be right over. In fact I got the perfect place for you!
Dusty: Woah! I didn't think I'd get help THIS fast.
Running outside to wait for the real estate agent. Dusty sees a car driving towards him. Out comes a man in a plaid suit. His name was Mike Lipenkrantz.
Dusty: Pleasure to meet you sir. What might your name be?
Mike: Dusty Marlow is it? Pleases to meet you. My name is Mike Lipenkrantz! You're in luck because I have just found the perfect house for you!
Dusty: Wow! Cool! Take me it to.
Mike: That's why I'm here! Come along young man!
Dusty got into the car with Mike Lipenkrantz who drives him to an empty mansion.
Mike (steps out of the car): Say hello to your new home!
Dusty (eyes stretch out of his skull): WOAH! A mansion!
Mike: Sure as hell isn't Joe Manchin! That's for sure.
Dusty: All of this for me? Do I need to pay you?
Mike: Nope, according to the Homestead act, squatters can live in an empty house no questions asked.
Dusty: This is the best day ever! Thank you, Homestead Act! What about my stuff.
Mike: I'll send for a U-Haul!
Dusty runs into his newfound digs as Mike calls for a U-Haul to obtain Dusty's stuff from his old apartment.
Mike (laughs): I knew that fat dumbass would fall for this!
Dusty (running around his new mansion): Wow! Talk about Movin' On Up To The East Side! The Jeffersons ain't got nothing on me! What should I do first?
The first thing Dusty discovers was an QLED TV.
Dusty: Wow! The television of my dreams! A QLED! What should I watch! Say I know! My favorite Don Knotts movies! Shakiest Gun In The West and The Reluctant Astronaunt.
As much as Dusty was happy with his new mansion. He has no idea what danger is coming to him.
Scene 6:
At Lovely Corp, Fitz and Brett show Lenny to his new office. Lenny was smiling as if his face was frozen.
Fitz: Damn, Lenny! You sure are happy!
Brett DeMarco: You got that Joker smile.
Lenny: Uh huh!
Fitz: Okay, here we go. This is your office.
Brett DeMarco: Now remember. Don't use our offices. Use your own.
Lenny: OKay! (still smiles)
Fitz takes Lenny into his office. Brett follows.
Lenny: Wow! Thank you so much for this you guys. Everyone needs a second chance!
Fitz: Think nothing of it. You got your computer to do some work on.
Lenny sits down at his desk. Still grinning.
Brett DeMarco: OKay. Your first assignment. We need you to type up these reports of our investments.
Lenny: On-Bee Kay-Bee!
Fitz: We'll check back on you in 2 hours.
When the 2 hours have passed. Fitz and Brett decide to check on Lenny.
Brett DeMarco: Lenny seemed awfully quiet. Too quiet.
Fitz: Oh no! You don't think he tried to commit suicide again?
Brett DeMarco: That's a probability. Did you see his demeanor? Not going to lie. As evil as I am, he kind of creeped me out with that stupid smile.
Fitz: I admire your intellect, Brett. He did seem like he was not "with it" in the head. His name is Lenny. There's seems to be a connection here....hmmm..why are men who act brain dead like him always named Lenny?
Brett DeMarco: Blame John Steinbeck.
Fitz and Brett ran into the office where they had placed Lenny. Although the basketball coach was in his office he wasn't doing the job that was given to him.
Brett DeMarco: Lenny! How are you coming along with those investment reports?
Lenny: Uhhhh, I didn't know how to do that.
Fitz: WHAT?!?! You worked at a high school and you don't know how you type up reports? Didn't you work on a computer in your last job?
Lenny: You can show me how? Can you help me?!?!
Brett DeMarco: Hey! You haven't been typing up reports! You've been watching Youtube!
Lenny: But I need super help!
Fitz: You like Youtube so much. You figure it out!
Scene 7:
Kevin, Randall, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley are blindfolded. Standing in front of Dusty's new mansion. Dusty is standing at the front door.
Randall: Where are you taking us Dusty?
Bullet: Hope not the Paris Olympics to see that Last Supper reenactment at the Opening Ceremonies.
Dusty: If I tell you, it won't be a surprise!
Gina: Can we take off these blindfolds yet?
Kevin: How much more longer?
Stanley: Last time someone blindfolded me, I ended up in bed with the Nicholas Brothers.
Dusty leads his blindfolded friends into his mansion.
Randall: I have no idea what you.......
Dusty (takes off the blindholds): Tah Dah! Surprise!
Standing before the Paradise PD. Almost everyone in town was going to party at Dusty's mansion.
Gina: Wow! A mansion! You don't say....
Dusty: I know! Yesterday I was homeless! Today I'm living the sweet life! Come on in! Don't be shy! You're all invited!
Kevin: A Party in a mansion? I guess I can join in.
Say Yes To Me by Surfer Blood was playing thoughout. Minutes later the party progressed. Bullet was doing drugs and having sex with prostitutes. Robbie and Delbert were drunk from beer and giving each other golden showers. Even Hobo Cop, Camaro Bob, and Preacher Paul were all mingling.
Bullet (being carried by prostitutes): Wow Dusty! You know how to throw parties! BEST PARTY EVER!
Camaro Bob (running after the prostitues): Hey save some of that sex for me, babies!
Randall: Usually I hate parties. For right now, I LOVE THIS! Tonight, we're going to party like it's 2029!
Kevin: YYYEEEAAAAHHHH!! That's only 5 years from now! (takes off his shirt and pours cooking oil over himself): !!! TABLE SLIDE! (slides himself on a table)
Gina: Woah, look at Stanley!
Stanley was upside down drinking a keg.
Dusty: Glad you're enjoying this. Get used to it! We've only just begun!
When the party was going on. From the roof there were some clowns. Who were angry about Dusty moving in.
Clown: Son of a bitch! This used to be our place until that fat motherfuckering piece of shit moved in! This place is rightfully OURS!
Clown #2: Tell me about it. We leave the mansion for the circus for 2 months and this asshole slides in and takes over!
Clown #3: How are we going to get our mansion back? We have the Deed after all.
Clown #4: This man is obviously a squatter.
Clown: Let the fat guy have his fun for now. Once this party is over, his nightmare will begin!
Scene 8:
Back in Lovely Corp. Fitz walks into Lenny's office and sees he's not there.
Fitz: Lenny! Did you answer the phone while we were gone? (looks around) Lenny?
Walking into Lenny's office. Fitz sees he has disappeared.
Fitz: What is this fucker trying to pull?
Brett DeMarco runs in.
Fitz: Brett. Where's Lenny?
Brett DeMarco: That's what I'm trying to find out. I can't find that cocksucker either.
A phone rings and Fitz goes to answer it. The person on the other end was Preston Connors a corporate business inspector.
Fitz: Yes? Who is this....Preston Connors? The guy who inspects corporate business?....you're coming when?...to have a serious discussion? ......okay, sir. see you then, bye.
Brett DeMarco: What was that phone call about?
Fitz: It's Preston Connors! He wants to inspect Lovely Corp to see if he can approve it for another couple more years.
Brett DeMarco: Things like this make me nervous as fuck!
Fitz: You're not the only one.
Brett DeMarco: What if he finds out we hired someone incompetant?
Some laughter is heard from rooms away. Fitz and Brett run to see where it was coming from. Brett's office. Breaking into Brett's office. Both Fitz and Brett were in for the shock of their lives. Lenny was telling jokes to a bunch of college basketball players.
Basketball Player: I love where this joke is going! What happens next?
Lenny: So I says to Mabel....
Fitz: LENNY! What is the meaning of THIS!
Brett DeMarco: What are you doing in my office when you have your own?!?!
Lenny: It's bigger okay.
Fitz: What the fuck do you think this is? A social gathering?
Brett DeMarco: A fucking locker room? Or maybe a comedy club for basketball players?
Lenny: Will you please let me finish my jokes, so I says to...
Fitz: STOP! We are your bosses! We hired you because we wanted to give you a second chance.
Brett DeMarco: And we give you assignments to do and you never do shit around here since you've been working for us.
A knock is heard at the door.
Brett DeMarco: You guys better move to a different room and be quiet!
Lenny: Why? What's going on?
Fitz: A corporate inspector is here. So you better get back to your office and get the cast of He Got Game outta here!
Lenny: Sorry guys. You'll have to leave. We'll pick it up again.
Fitz drags Lenny back into his own office. Brett answers the door. The college basketball teams tries to leave the best they could. Preston sees for a split second one of the basketball players but dismisses it.
Preston: Good evening gentlemen.
Fitz: Ahhh, Preston Connor. Great to meet you. (shakes hand)
Brett DeMarco: Welcome to Lovely Corp. (shakes hand)
Preston: Think you know why I'm here.
Fitz: Yes. How do you want to do this?
Brett DeMarco: Give you a tour?
Preston: Not just yet. I said over the phone I wanted to talk to you about a concerning manner. Then you guys can give me the tour.
Fitz: No problem. What is the manner you speak of?
Preston: You guys didn't by any chance hire a high school basketball coach, did you?
Brett DeMarco: Uhh, no. Why do you ask that?
Preston: Because I want to show you guys a 1950's Propaganda Film about the dangers and consequences of hiring a basketball coach to work at a corporate business.
Getting his laptop. Preston shows Fitz and Brett the Propaganda Video. Intense music plays. A Caption Reads: KEEP COACHES OUT OF CORPORATIONS!
The scene shows a bustling, modern office. Employees are frantically typing, phones ringing. A deep, authoritative voiceover begins.
Voiceover: In the heart of our nation's progress, a subtle threat has emerged. A menace disguised as ambition, charisma, and athletic prowess. We speak of the basketball coach.
Cut to a montage of fast-paced basketball action, then abruptly transition to a disheveled office with papers strewn everywhere.
Voiceover: On the court, they are kings. But in the boardroom, they are a disaster. These men, accustomed to the roar of the crowd and the flash of victory, are ill-equipped for the quiet demands of corporate life.
Another scene shows A basketball coach, dressed in a suit that clearly doesn’t fit, staring blankly at a spreadsheet.
Voiceover: Their tactics are built on instinct, not logic. Their strategies revolve around teamwork, not individual achievement. And their leadership style is more suited to motivating young men than managing complex business operations.
Quick cuts of a coach drawing plays on a whiteboard, then trying to explain a complex financial report.
Voiceover: Can you imagine a coach calling a timeout during a critical negotiation? Or using a full-court press to close a deal?
A dramatic pause, then a stern tone.
Voiceover: We must protect our businesses from this insidious threat. Hire qualified professionals, not those who have spent their lives chasing a ball.
A scene changes into a montage of successful, well-dressed businessmen and women working collaboratively.
Voiceover: Together, we can build a stronger, more prosperous America. Let us reject the allure of athletic glory and embrace the power of intellect and experience.
Final shot shows the company logo that reads DUMONT surrounded by a patriotic fanfare.
Voiceover: Brought To You By The Dumont Network. Building a Brighter Future Through Sound Business Practices.
End screen with text: Hire the Right People for the Right Job.
The video ends.
Preston: Did that make any sense to you both?
Fitz: It does. Absoutely 100%, sir! (sweating)
Brett DeMarco: So, when do we begin this tour? heh heh (sweating) Now?
Preston: Just to tell you. If I do find out you hired a basketball coach, Lovely Corp is FINISHED! OVER! KUPUTSVILLE! Understood.
Fitz and Brett: Yeah, understood! We get it!
Brett DeMarco: Now let's begin that tour, shall we?
Fitz: Surely!
Preston: Show me around! NOW!
Scene 9:
Everyone in Paradise leaves Dusty's mansion.
Robbie: That golden shower was way better than a snake Orgy!
Delbert: Heard Roman showers a lot more fun!
Randall: See you back in headquarters.
Kevin: Dusty! Did you see me back there? I was like "WWWOOOOOOO" and everyone else was like "YYYAAAAAYYYY!"
Stanley: Better than that cast party I went to after the filming of The Fly! The 1958 version.
Gina: When it comes to parties you are GOAT!
Bullet staggers around and slurs his words while still high from all the drugs he had.
Dusty: Good bye! Come again!
Closing the front door. About to get on with his day. Dusty sees a bunch of clowns standing before him. Dusty was filled with fright.
Dusty: AAAAAHHH! CLOWNS?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK!
Clown: Yes, that's right. We were here before you desecrated our mansion!
Dusty: You mean, you guys are the original owners?
Clown #2: Catching on fast there, shit face!
Dusty: But, the dude who sold me this mansion Mike Lipenkrantz told me there was nobody here.
Clown #3: That's what he wanted you to think.
Dusty: Look fellas. I had no idea that....
Clown #2: NO IDEA!?!?! Didn't you find it at all suspicious that you got a home so fast?
Clown #3: Yes, and didn't you even take into account that someone already owns this place?
Dusty: I got evicted from my original apartment and....
Clown: We don't care! We want this place BACK!
Dusty: I don't want to be homeless again!
Mike Lipenkrantz comes flying down in a jetpack.
Dusty: Mike! What are you doing here?
Mike: I'm going to make a proposition with you.
Dusty: OKay. I really need a place to live. Being a cop doesn't pay very well.
Mike: If you want to keep this mansion. Me and the clowns challenge you to a jet ski water race.
Dusty: If I win?
Mike: You keep the mansion.
Dusty: If I lose?
Mike: We kick you out for good.
Clown: Hope you know what you're doing here?
Mike (to the Clowns): Don't worry. This mansion will go back to you. He's sure to lose!
Clown #2: Tell him your big plan here.
Mike: You see Dusty. I'm really a con man. I'm not a real estate agent at all. I knew you would be stupid enough dumbass to believe that you can get a mansion for free. You're sure to lose this jet ski race. Have fun being homeless again!
The Clowns and Mike all circle around Dusty and laugh at him.
Dusty: But I don't know how to use a jet ski! Oh the humanity! Why do bad things happen to good people?! (has a tantrum)
Scene 10:
Randall has Gina, Dusty, Kevin, Bullet, and Stanley out on patrol. Dusty was feeling leary.
Kevin: Something on your mind, Dusty?
Randall: That's the thing with Dusty! There's always something!
Dusty: My mansion is actually owned by Clowns. And I never knew it!
Bullet: Oh shit. This is my fault.
Dusty: Why didn't you tell me Mike Lipenkrantz was a con man? He told me so himself.
Bullet: How the fuck was I supposed to know? He sold me a doghouse for free and .......ohhhhhh my.....Now that I think about it, that doghouse I got was actually owned by Mrs Whiskers!
Gina: Did these clowns make some type of deal with you?
Dusty: If I want to keep the mansion, I have to race against them on a jetski. I don't know how to jetski.
Stanley: This guy you speak of reminds me of those bookies who used to cut off your thumbs.
Randall: Those are expensive so we can't afford one...
Kevin: Jetskiing is rather easy Dusty. It's like riding a motorcycle in the water.
Bullet: Well, I'm the one who got you into this horseshit. So I'll get you out. Oh another thing.
Randall: What?
Bullet: Once Mike Lipenkrantz gives you a free house, him and the original owner team up to kick you out and make you homeless again. Sorry guys. I had no idea about this asshole.
Dusty: Sounds like my situation.
Mrs Whiskers walks up to Bullet.
Bullet: Well, speak of the devil!
Mrs Whiskers: Mike Lipenkrantz says you need to give me back my doghouse or else who sue you for all the money you got and.....
Bullet: I ALREADY KNOW!!!! GET OUT! I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING HERE!
Mrs. Whiskers: Okay (walks off)
Kevin: Or we can work together to help Dusty beat those clowns.
Gina: Hmmm, there's no crime going on today.
Randall: Bullet, what do you suggest we do to get Dusty out of this pickle?
Bullet: This may seem farfetched and probably one of my drug induced ideas. How about we build a jetski for Dusty?
Randall: I like that idea. As part of police training we had to learn how to build mechanical things too.
Kevin: All we need are parts.
Gina: We have some scrap metal back at the station!
Bullet: OKay! Building a jetski it is! One more thing...
Randall: What is it Columbo?
Bullet: When we build the jetski can we use a 1990s Alternative Rock song as a montage.
Randall: I don't see why not!
Kevin: Why do you have to call anyone who says "One More Thing" Columbo?
Randall: Shut up and lets build a jetski!
Dusty: YES! I'll show those clowns!
1979 by The Smashing Pumpkins was playing as Kevin, Bullet, Dusty, Stanley, Randall, and Gina all used teamwork to build a jetski for Dusty. It had taken hours to build. When it was done. It looked like a jetski made with car parts. Proud of the effort built into it. Dusty was ready to take on the Clowns on the Jetski race. When it was ready the Clowns from the Mansion came to taunt Dusty.
Clown: You call that a jetski?
Clown #2: More like shit ski!
Kevin: What do you clowns want?
Gina: Got something to say, say it!
Dusty gulped as he was speechless in fear.
Clown #3: This race we challenged the fatass to...
Clown #4: It's actually a contest for a cash prize. Which we will win so we can continue to live in the mansion.
Clown: It's going to be tonight! At 8 pm! Be there!
Stanley: We'll be there all right! We'll be there with bells on!
Randall: Anyone recall when Fitz was scared of clowns.....(being ignored) Ahhh, never mind.
Scene 11:
Fitz and Brett much to their chagrin were giving Preston a tour. Walking down the hallways to Fitz's office.
Brett DeMarco: Right here, is where our Fearless Leader, Gerald Fitzgerald resides.
Fitz: Yep, every Lovely Corp employee gets a cubicle, we have our own offices and...
Preston (suddenly stops walking): .
Fitz: Is there a problem, sir?
Preston: I forgot to tell you I have IBS. I need to use the bathroom. I'll be in there a while.
Brett DeMarco: Last door on your right.
Preston: Thanks (runs off)
Fitz: Good, this is our chance to get rid of Lenny!
Brett DeMarco: Right.
Fitz and Brett ran to the office that they gave Lenny. He was inside the office staring at a computer and whiteboard.
Lenny: Oh hey guys. Did either of you see that Mario Movie last year?
Fitz and Brett DeMarco: NO!
Lenny: What's this thing on the computer called Power Point? Can you show me how that works! Can you show me how that works? Can you show me show that works? Can you tell me what this board is for? Can you tell me what this board is for! Can you tell me what this board is for!
Fitz (grabs Lenny by the collar): Hiring you was a fucking stupid mistake.
Lenny (yelps): WOAH! CALM DOWN!
Brett DeMarco: You act like you've never been in an office before. Scratch that! You act like you've never worked before!
Fitz (releases Lenny): In other words. You need to leave.
Lenny: Oh no. You're firing me?
Brett DeMarco: That corporate inspector is here. He is dead set against companies like ours hiring brian dead basketball coaches like you.
Fitz: If he sees you we lose the company and our profits will go under! Lovely Corp will be in liquidation!
Lenny: I know you guys don't like me. I know. How about a give you guys both a car?
Taking two pieces of paper. Lenny draws a picture of a car on both the pieces of paper and gives them to Fitz and Brett who both end up tearing up the car pictures.
Fitz: Are you even listening to us?!?!
Lenny: Yeah yeah yeah I am.
Brett DeMarco: We're making you leave and that is IT!
Lenny: NO! PLEASE! LET ME STAY! GIVE ME SOME ON THE JOB TRAINING AT LEAST AND....
Fitz and Brett grab Lenny with force and drag Lenny away while he kicks and screams.
Lenny: Where you are guys taking me?
Fitz: Back to Cantebury Hills High that's where! That way the inspector will never know you were here!
Lenny: Don't make me go back! Don't make me go back!
Brett DeMarco: Oh yes you are! You're going back to North Carolina on our private jet!
Lenny: I'm not going back! I'm not going back! I'm not going back!
As Fitz and Brett struggle to keep Lenny within their grasp. Lenny keeps trying to escape them. Frank and Pedro come.
Frank Flipperfist: What the fuck is going on?
Fitz: Frank! Pedro! Thank God you're here!
Brett DeMarco: Get this coach out of our hands will you!
Pedro Pooptooth: Whatever for, puto?
Fitz: Preston Connors is here to look over Lovely Corp.
Brett DeMarco: If he sees this coach here we'll lose everything.
Fitz: Go hide in him a room somewhere!
Frank and Pedro: Right.
Brett DeMarco: Put him in Puffy's room.
Grabbing Lenny away from Fitz and Brett. Frank and Pedro drag away Lenny.
Lenny: PUT ME DOWN! SET ME FREE! I'M NOT GOING BACK! I'M NOT GOING BACK!
Fitz and Brett run to the bathroom to check on Preston.
Brett DeMarco: Sir. Are you all right in there.
Preston: Just give me a couple more (squirts) I'm far from done here (squirts)
Fitz: Would you like some Rolaids or something?
Preston: No. Rolaids can't cure what I have.
Leaving the bathroom Fitz and Brett were relieved for now.
Fitz: Lets go join Frank and Pedro now.
Brett DeMarco: Preston must not know!
Scene 12:
The lake is illuminated by floodlights, casting a dramatic glow over the water. The crowd has gathered along the shore, eagerly awaiting the race. Dusty stands nervously by his makeshift jetski, while the clowns are already in their flashy, colorful jetskis, laughing and joking around. Mike takes his place in the announcer’s booth.
Mike: (enthusiastically) Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to tonight’s thrilling jetski race! We have Dusty, the underdog, going up against the mischievous Clown Crew! Who will take home the prize and the mansion? Let’s find out!
Dusty (to himself): You can do this, Dusty. Just like riding a motorcycle… on water.
Kevin: (patting Dusty on the back) You’ve got this, buddy. Just stay focused.
Bullet: Remember! Think of the money! You can use it to get a new place, and if you have any left over....
Kevin: Uh, let's let Dusty what to do with the money.
Dusty: If I win. I'm getting my old place back! Who knows if I will.
Randall: That's the spirit! Just keep thinking! Eyes On The Prize, baby!
Dusty: But I don't stand a chance.
Gina (smiling): You do. You just don't know it yet. Whatever you do.....win. (kisses Dusty)
Dusty (perking up): Woah! Now I feel motivated!
The starting lights begin to count down. Dusty takes a deep breath and grips the handlebars of his jetski.
Mike (excitedly) And they’re off!
The lights turn green, and Dusty and the clowns speed off across the water. Dusty’s jetski sputters at first, but he quickly gains control and picks up speed.
Mike: (voiceover): Dusty is off to a shaky start, but he’s gaining momentum! The clowns are pulling out all the stops with their tricks and stunts!
The clowns perform flips and spins, trying to distract Dusty. He stays focused, navigating the course with determination. The crowd cheers as the race heats up.
Clown #1: (grinning) Let’s see you keep up with this!
The clowns form a pyramid on their jetskis, causing the crowd to gasp in amazement. Dusty takes a deep breath and accelerates, weaving through the obstacles with precision.
Mike: (shouting) Dusty is catching up! This is anyone’s race!
As they approach the final stretch, Dusty and the clowns are neck and neck. Dusty remembers Kevin’s advice and leans into the turns, gaining a slight edge.
Dusty: (to himself) Come on, just a little more…
In a final burst of speed, Dusty crosses the finish line just ahead of the clowns. The crowd erupts in cheers and applause.
Dusty (yells): CCCCCCCOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Gina: Oh I forgot. When Dusty faces competition, he becomes Joe E. Brown!
Stanley: Who can forget that guy!
Mike: (excitedly) And the winner is… Dusty! What an incredible race! Let’s hear it for our champion!
Dusty steps off his jetski, beaming with pride. The clowns were throwing their jetskis in frustration.
Kevin: (smiling) You earned it, Dusty. Well done.
Dusty (grinning) Thank you! Thank you!
The clowns all walk off in defeat and shook their fists. Knowing that they lost the mansion.
Kevin: (cheering) You did it, Dusty!
Gina: (hugging Dusty) We knew you could do it!
Randall: (smiling) Looks like we get to keep the mansion after all.
Bullet: (laughing) And no more dealing with Mike Lipenkrantz!
The crowd continues to cheer as Dusty and his friends celebrate their victory.
Mike:(signing off) That’s all for tonight, folks! Thanks for joining us, and we’ll see you next time for more high-octane action. And for me to try to find someone else to con!
Dusty shows his prize money.
Stanley: Whatcha going to do with that money, Dusty?
Dusty: Since the mansion is mine now, I think I will have it torn down and make it into just a regular house.
Kevin: Good idea, Dusty.
Dusty: Truth is, I don't need a mansion. I'm happy just have a regular place to live.
Randall: To top that off. Your new home will be all expenses paid.
Bullet: You'll never have to worry about eviction again!
Dusty: Or back wages!
Gina: That's a very wise decision.
Off in a distance, the Clowns were seen being up Mike Lipenkrantz.
Clown #1: (beating up Mike): YOU TOLD US HE WAS GOING TO LOSE!!!!
Gina: Weren't they on the same side?
Bullet: That's the thing about Mike. He always swtiches from one side to the other and makes promises he can't keep.
Randall: Fuck it all. Let's just go back to headquarters.
Scene 13 Conclusion:
At Lovely Corp. Fitz and Brett were racing down the hallways to Puffy's room.
Fitz: Any minute now, Preston will be coming out of the bathroom.
Brett DeMarco: Let's hope to all that is holy that Frank, Pedro, and Puffy have Lenny restrained!
Going into Puffy's room at Lovely Corp. Fitz and Brett see Puffy was sitting on Lenny who was muffling. Frank and Pedro were sitting on Lenny as well.
Fitz: Damn! How did you guys subdue him?
Frank Flipperfist: Easy! I slapped him with my fins!
Pedro Pooptooth: Then I burnt him with a Zippo lighter!
Lenny: (muffling)
Brett DeMarco: Great job guys.
Fitz: OKay, you guys stay here for now and....
When they least expected it, the Police from Cantebury Hills North Carolina broke in.
Policeman #1: FREEZE! CANTEBURY HILLS PD!
Brett DeMarco: Officers? What are you doing here?
Fitz: Who are you here for?
Policeman #2: We've been after the High School Football Coach Lenny Balonski!
Frank Flipperfist: You mean this guy we're sitting on?
Policeman #1: Which one of you caught him?
Puffy The Cigarette: I did!
Fitz (whispers to Brett): Let him have this one.
Pedro Pooptooth: Why do you want to take him?
Policeman #1: We were after him because he sexually assaulted the female science teacher.
Policeman #2: When she reported him to us, he ran away. This man you caught is also known to act very spacy and stoned.
Policeman #1: We have reason to believe he's had too many blows to the head.
Fitz: Guys! Hand Lenny over to the cops!
Frank and Pedro get up off of Lenny, and Fitz and Brett push Lenny into the arms of the police officers.
Policeman #2: Okay Lenny! We finally got you! You're coming with us for a little ride!
Policeman #1: Thought you could get away from us, hey? Not very smart!
Lenny: NO JAIL! NO JAIL! NO JAIL! I DID NOT TOUCH THAT LADY! SHE CAME ONTO ME!!!!
Policeman #1: We're sending you someplace better! The nut ward!
Policeman #2: Here's an award for the Cigarette man.
Puffy gets $300 dollars handed to him. Lenny was screaming as the Cantabury Hills Police departed. Fitz and Brett felt like a burden had been lifted from them both.
Fitz (sighs): Well, that was a lucky break.
Brett DeMarco: Maybe Preston was right. Basketball coachs can't be trusted.
Fitz: Tell me about it. And to think sports coaches are so beloved in high schools.
Brett DeMarco: Preston should be here at any minute.
Frank Flipperfist: So Puffy. You got $300! What will you do with it?
Pedro Pooptooth: You can give it to Fitz so he can go ahead with his Destroy California plan.
Fitz: Yes, Puffy! We'll need all the money we can get for that.
Brett DeMarco: With that $300 you can make Lovely Corp even better!
Puffy The Cigarette: I'm going to spend my money on some Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream!
Feeling a sense of rage. Fitz and Brett both push Puffy out the window. Preston arrives on the scene.
Preston: Okay gentlemen. I can trust you. I see no evidence of Basketball Coaches ever being here!
Fitz: So you approve?
Preston: I approve! Lovely Corp will go on!
Brett DeMarco: Thank you sir!
Preston: Oh by the way. Did you guys have a cigarette mascot.
Fitz: Uh yes! Yeah we did.
Brett DeMarco: He's playing hopscotch!
Preston: No problem. Good luck running Lovely Corp with a prosperious journey and godspeed!
Fitz, Brett, Frank, and Pedro all say their final goodbyes to Preston. The four men were very pleased that Lovely Corp as passed inspection. In the future, Fitz and Brett will know better than to hire a basketball coach.
THE END
Fanfic Title:
Dusty Go Home!
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
In the basement lair of Lovely Corp. Fitz has a plan to blow up the state of California and turn it into Lovely Corp territory. Brett, Frank, Jerry, Puffy, and Pedro were all sitting around the table.
Frank Flipperfist: Destroy California? You're giving us Gene Hackman vibes!
Jerry: Bwahhh
Fitz: Shut up and listen to the plan!
Brett DeMarco: We're the ones in charge of this operation! Not you!
Showing a map of California. Fitz shows them the San Andreas Fault.
Fitz: What I aim to do here is use missiles to blow up this part of California.
Pedro Pooptooth: Genius plan to blow up that part that gives off Earthquakes.
Fitz: Exactly. When all of this is demonlished, tell them what we're going to build in the rubble, Brett.
Brett DeMarco: We are going to build a huge Lovely Corp skyscraper!
Fitz: That's right. This is what it's going to look like...
Flipping a plastic tab off the California map. Fitz shows them where the Lovely Corp skyscraper will be built.
Fitz: From this moment on, this place will be called Lovely-Ville! New west coast! Our west coast.
Brett DeMarco: People will love it! Make us even more richer!
Fitz: There will lots of mind control devices around to brainwash people into buying our stuff! (pointing to the map) Right here will be...Lovely Land. Lovely Sea. Lovely Ski Resort. Lovely Park, and.....Puffyburg!
Brett DeMarco: The fuck! I didn't see that before!
Fitz (walking up to Puffy): Puffyburg?!?! Puffyburg?!?!?!
Puffy The Cigarette: Hey, Frank and Pedro need their own places too!
Fitz (snaps his fingers): Escort this asshole out!
Frank and Pedro throw Puffy out forcibly. Then return to their seats.
Brett DeMarco: Anything you want to ask?
Pedro Pooptooth: When will this event take place?
Fitz: When I want it too. This is a top secret plan and none of you will reveal it to anyone!
Frank Flipperfist: I bet it's a work in progress.
Brett DeMarco: Yes it is, it'll probably happen around 2027. We have lots of time until then.
Fitz: Meeting adjoined.
Brett DeMarco and Fitz both go outside and take a walk down the Lovely Corp parking lot.
Fitz: First California! Then we'll attack the east coast afterward.
Brett DeMarco: We'll build Lovely Corps all over the country!
Fitz: As excited I am for this plan. Do you notice something strange?
Brett DeMarco: What is it?
Fitz: We, the villains of Paradise PD are in the first act.
Brett DeMarco: I noticed that too. The Paradise PD are usually in the first act. Wonder why we are?
Fitz: Who cares. Let's enjoy it for as long as we can.
Brett DeMarco: Where's Zeta?
Fitz: She's spending the week with a friend
Scene 2:
Fitz and Brett were discussing plans for Lovely Corp domination. Puffy the Cigarette runs up to them.
Puffy The Cigarette: I'm sorry I wanted my own place in Cali!
Brett DeMarco: You need to learn that us taking over California one day will NOT be about you!
Fitz: We're getting fucking sick of you wanting to follow us around all the time. Just be a mascot, okay!
Brett DeMarco: Let us handle the important things. Which is something you're not good at doing.
Puffy The Cigarette: OKay! (hangs his head)
The three of them stop walking when they see a man in a hoodie and track pants about to jump into the river.
Man: Goodbye cruel world! I'm leaving you flat! GOODBYE!
Puffy The Cigarette: GOODBYE!
Brett DeMarco: No dumbass he's going to drown himself.
Fitz, Brett, and Puffy all try to run to the man. They were too late. The man jumped into the river as he laughed very loudly.
Brett DeMarco: We going to save him?
Fitz: I think we should!
Brett DeMarco: Rescuing people isn't in our nature!
Fitz: We can use him.
Brett DeMarco: Since you put it that way
Puffy watches as Fitz and Brett jump into the lake and rescued the man.
Fitz: Suicide is not worth it!
Brett DeMarco: We're here to give you a second chance!
Man: Let me die! Let me die!
Fitz: NNNNOOOO!!!!
The man found himself being dragged out of the river by Fitz and Brett.
Man: Why did you rescue me for! I came to Paradise to die!
Fitz: Oh I get it. You wanted to take A Long Way Down.
The man in looked confused.
Fitz: It's a reference to a suicide movie.
Man: Uhhh, something like that.
Brett DeMarco: What do you do for a living?
Man: I'm a high school basketball coach from North Carolina at a place called Cantebury Hills High. What's your name and who are you guys?
Fitz: I'm Gerald Fitzgerald! I'm the head CEO of Lovely Corp.
Brett DeMarco: I'm Brett DeMarco. Second in command. Do you have a name, sir?
Man: Yes. My name is Lenny....
Puffy The Cigarette: Is your last name Squiggy? Get it? Like Laverne and Shirley's boyfriends?
Brett DeMarco kicks Puffy out of the way. The man introduces himself as Lenny Balonski.
Lenny: Lenny, Lenny Balonski.
Fitz: Come with us Lenny! We're giving you a job!
Lenny: OKay!
The high school basketball couch Lenny Balonski follows Fitz and Brett back to Lovely Corp.
Puffy the Cigarette (limping): Wait for meeeee!
Scene 3:
At Paradise PD Headquarters. The working day was done. Kevin pulled down the buzzer that indicated the day was over. Kevin, Gina, Randall, Bullet, and Stanley all went home the way they normally do. Dusty was on the roof and got excited when he heard the buzzer.
Dusty: Yabba Dabba Doo!
Jumping from the Paradise PD Headquarters building. Dusty slid down a crooked pipe, jumped mid air until he landed in his police car to drive home.
Dusty (sings to the tune of the Flinstones theme song): Dusty! Dusty Marlow! I'm a cop who works for the PD!
Continuing to drive and getting distracted by his own singing, Dusty continues to sing.
Dusty (sings to the tune of the Flintstones theme song): ....From the town of Paradise! He's about to crash into a apricot tree!
One mile away from his apartment. Dusty had a minor crash. Got out of the police car and walked his way back.
Dusty: Damn! Must've given myself fucking whiplash. Won't do THAT again.
Finally making it to his apartment. Dusty tries to open the door. Only to see it was locked.
Dusty: Sumbitch! Someone playing a nasty prank on me?
Getting a closer look, Dusty sees an eviction notice on his front.
Dusty:WWWWHHHHAAAAA? Eviction? But why?!?!?!?!
Frank Flipperfist comes as he sees Dusty pound on his door.
Dusty: Frank! What're you doing here? Don't you work at that Lovely Corp place with Fitz?
Frank Flipperfist: Work two jobs if you must know. I have to makes ends meet somehow! Got a dolphin kid that I'm raising! Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a single father?!?!?!
Dusty: Who cares about that! Why am I evicted?!?!
Frank Flipperfist: Because you didn't pay your back wages!
Dusty: I always pay the rent with my police paycheck. Despite what people think I AM responsible.
Frank Flipperfist (scoffs and spits): Responsible my ass! There's more to owning an apartment than paying rent!
Dusty: Please don't do Joe McDoake impressions in front of me!
Taking a look inside, Frank sees Dusty has spent all his money on cat supplies.
Frank Flipperfist: Ha! That figures! No wonder you didn't pay your back wages. You were too busy buying shit for cats!
Dusty: I was saving those supplies for when I finally get a new cat!
Frank Flipperfist: Well, I'm sorry. If you're getting evicted! Everything must go! That includes your cat supplies! (blows whistle) Men! Take it away!
Dusty cries on the concrete as Robbie and Delbert come and throw out everything Dusty owns in his apartment.
Robbie and Delbert (together): Hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut!
Frank Flipperfist: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!!!! Don't do that 'hut hut' shit! Just throw everything out like a normal person would!
Robbie: Sorry! We're new at this eviction stuff!
Delbert: Which things should we throw out first?
Frank Flipperfist: Everything!
Robbie and Delbert throw out everything in Dusty's apartment that he owns. Dusty watches in despair.
Scene 4:
The next morning. Randall was at police headquarters. Kevin, Gina, Stanley, and Bullet were doing their usual thing. That is until Dusty bursts though the door.
Dusty: Urgent! Emergency! Urgent Emergency!
Kevin: You okay, Dusty?
Randall: Why are you quoting a Foreigner song?
Dusty: I just got evicted from my apartment for not paying back wages, do I look okay to you?!
Randall: Geez, Dusty that sounds like a YOU problem.
Stanley: You can come move in with me at You Store It Some!
Dusty: Why? So I can smell your raw egg farts? I don't think so.
Gina: Fuck you Stanley! Dusty deserves better than that!
Dusty: Some help you guys are! Thanks a lot!
Gina: We wish we can help you. But sometimes there's nothing people can do.
Bullet: I think I might have a solution.
Randall: You take this one, Bullet. I'm staying out of it.
Kevin: Yeah me too. I don't know anything about getting someone a new place to live.
Bullet hands Dusty a business card.
Dusty: Are you in the real estate business Bullet?
Bullet: No, this is a card for a real estate agent I know.
Dusty: Hope it's not Annette Benning from American Beauty.....
Bullet: Call the number on the card and that dude I know I can give you home.
Dusty: I'll see what I can do.
Scene 5:
In the break room of Paradise PD headquarters, Dusty calls the phone number.
Dusty: It's ringing, good.
The voice on the other end responded.
Dusty: Yes hello. My name is Dusty Marlow. I got evicted from my apartment and I need a new place fast.
Voice: Well, say no more. I'll be right over. In fact I got the perfect place for you!
Dusty: Woah! I didn't think I'd get help THIS fast.
Running outside to wait for the real estate agent. Dusty sees a car driving towards him. Out comes a man in a plaid suit. His name was Mike Lipenkrantz.
Dusty: Pleasure to meet you sir. What might your name be?
Mike: Dusty Marlow is it? Pleases to meet you. My name is Mike Lipenkrantz! You're in luck because I have just found the perfect house for you!
Dusty: Wow! Cool! Take me it to.
Mike: That's why I'm here! Come along young man!
Dusty got into the car with Mike Lipenkrantz who drives him to an empty mansion.
Mike (steps out of the car): Say hello to your new home!
Dusty (eyes stretch out of his skull): WOAH! A mansion!
Mike: Sure as hell isn't Joe Manchin! That's for sure.
Dusty: All of this for me? Do I need to pay you?
Mike: Nope, according to the Homestead act, squatters can live in an empty house no questions asked.
Dusty: This is the best day ever! Thank you, Homestead Act! What about my stuff.
Mike: I'll send for a U-Haul!
Dusty runs into his newfound digs as Mike calls for a U-Haul to obtain Dusty's stuff from his old apartment.
Mike (laughs): I knew that fat dumbass would fall for this!
Dusty (running around his new mansion): Wow! Talk about Movin' On Up To The East Side! The Jeffersons ain't got nothing on me! What should I do first?
The first thing Dusty discovers was an QLED TV.
Dusty: Wow! The television of my dreams! A QLED! What should I watch! Say I know! My favorite Don Knotts movies! Shakiest Gun In The West and The Reluctant Astronaunt.
As much as Dusty was happy with his new mansion. He has no idea what danger is coming to him.
Scene 6:
At Lovely Corp, Fitz and Brett show Lenny to his new office. Lenny was smiling as if his face was frozen.
Fitz: Damn, Lenny! You sure are happy!
Brett DeMarco: You got that Joker smile.
Lenny: Uh huh!
Fitz: Okay, here we go. This is your office.
Brett DeMarco: Now remember. Don't use our offices. Use your own.
Lenny: OKay! (still smiles)
Fitz takes Lenny into his office. Brett follows.
Lenny: Wow! Thank you so much for this you guys. Everyone needs a second chance!
Fitz: Think nothing of it. You got your computer to do some work on.
Lenny sits down at his desk. Still grinning.
Brett DeMarco: OKay. Your first assignment. We need you to type up these reports of our investments.
Lenny: On-Bee Kay-Bee!
Fitz: We'll check back on you in 2 hours.
When the 2 hours have passed. Fitz and Brett decide to check on Lenny.
Brett DeMarco: Lenny seemed awfully quiet. Too quiet.
Fitz: Oh no! You don't think he tried to commit suicide again?
Brett DeMarco: That's a probability. Did you see his demeanor? Not going to lie. As evil as I am, he kind of creeped me out with that stupid smile.
Fitz: I admire your intellect, Brett. He did seem like he was not "with it" in the head. His name is Lenny. There's seems to be a connection here....hmmm..why are men who act brain dead like him always named Lenny?
Brett DeMarco: Blame John Steinbeck.
Fitz and Brett ran into the office where they had placed Lenny. Although the basketball coach was in his office he wasn't doing the job that was given to him.
Brett DeMarco: Lenny! How are you coming along with those investment reports?
Lenny: Uhhhh, I didn't know how to do that.
Fitz: WHAT?!?! You worked at a high school and you don't know how you type up reports? Didn't you work on a computer in your last job?
Lenny: You can show me how? Can you help me?!?!
Brett DeMarco: Hey! You haven't been typing up reports! You've been watching Youtube!
Lenny: But I need super help!
Fitz: You like Youtube so much. You figure it out!
Scene 7:
Kevin, Randall, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley are blindfolded. Standing in front of Dusty's new mansion. Dusty is standing at the front door.
Randall: Where are you taking us Dusty?
Bullet: Hope not the Paris Olympics to see that Last Supper reenactment at the Opening Ceremonies.
Dusty: If I tell you, it won't be a surprise!
Gina: Can we take off these blindfolds yet?
Kevin: How much more longer?
Stanley: Last time someone blindfolded me, I ended up in bed with the Nicholas Brothers.
Dusty leads his blindfolded friends into his mansion.
Randall: I have no idea what you.......
Dusty (takes off the blindholds): Tah Dah! Surprise!
Standing before the Paradise PD. Almost everyone in town was going to party at Dusty's mansion.
Gina: Wow! A mansion! You don't say....
Dusty: I know! Yesterday I was homeless! Today I'm living the sweet life! Come on in! Don't be shy! You're all invited!
Kevin: A Party in a mansion? I guess I can join in.
Say Yes To Me by Surfer Blood was playing thoughout. Minutes later the party progressed. Bullet was doing drugs and having sex with prostitutes. Robbie and Delbert were drunk from beer and giving each other golden showers. Even Hobo Cop, Camaro Bob, and Preacher Paul were all mingling.
Bullet (being carried by prostitutes): Wow Dusty! You know how to throw parties! BEST PARTY EVER!
Camaro Bob (running after the prostitues): Hey save some of that sex for me, babies!
Randall: Usually I hate parties. For right now, I LOVE THIS! Tonight, we're going to party like it's 2029!
Kevin: YYYEEEAAAAHHHH!! That's only 5 years from now! (takes off his shirt and pours cooking oil over himself): !!! TABLE SLIDE! (slides himself on a table)
Gina: Woah, look at Stanley!
Stanley was upside down drinking a keg.
Dusty: Glad you're enjoying this. Get used to it! We've only just begun!
When the party was going on. From the roof there were some clowns. Who were angry about Dusty moving in.
Clown: Son of a bitch! This used to be our place until that fat motherfuckering piece of shit moved in! This place is rightfully OURS!
Clown #2: Tell me about it. We leave the mansion for the circus for 2 months and this asshole slides in and takes over!
Clown #3: How are we going to get our mansion back? We have the Deed after all.
Clown #4: This man is obviously a squatter.
Clown: Let the fat guy have his fun for now. Once this party is over, his nightmare will begin!
Scene 8:
Back in Lovely Corp. Fitz walks into Lenny's office and sees he's not there.
Fitz: Lenny! Did you answer the phone while we were gone? (looks around) Lenny?
Walking into Lenny's office. Fitz sees he has disappeared.
Fitz: What is this fucker trying to pull?
Brett DeMarco runs in.
Fitz: Brett. Where's Lenny?
Brett DeMarco: That's what I'm trying to find out. I can't find that cocksucker either.
A phone rings and Fitz goes to answer it. The person on the other end was Preston Connors a corporate business inspector.
Fitz: Yes? Who is this....Preston Connors? The guy who inspects corporate business?....you're coming when?...to have a serious discussion? ......okay, sir. see you then, bye.
Brett DeMarco: What was that phone call about?
Fitz: It's Preston Connors! He wants to inspect Lovely Corp to see if he can approve it for another couple more years.
Brett DeMarco: Things like this make me nervous as fuck!
Fitz: You're not the only one.
Brett DeMarco: What if he finds out we hired someone incompetant?
Some laughter is heard from rooms away. Fitz and Brett run to see where it was coming from. Brett's office. Breaking into Brett's office. Both Fitz and Brett were in for the shock of their lives. Lenny was telling jokes to a bunch of college basketball players.
Basketball Player: I love where this joke is going! What happens next?
Lenny: So I says to Mabel....
Fitz: LENNY! What is the meaning of THIS!
Brett DeMarco: What are you doing in my office when you have your own?!?!
Lenny: It's bigger okay.
Fitz: What the fuck do you think this is? A social gathering?
Brett DeMarco: A fucking locker room? Or maybe a comedy club for basketball players?
Lenny: Will you please let me finish my jokes, so I says to...
Fitz: STOP! We are your bosses! We hired you because we wanted to give you a second chance.
Brett DeMarco: And we give you assignments to do and you never do shit around here since you've been working for us.
A knock is heard at the door.
Brett DeMarco: You guys better move to a different room and be quiet!
Lenny: Why? What's going on?
Fitz: A corporate inspector is here. So you better get back to your office and get the cast of He Got Game outta here!
Lenny: Sorry guys. You'll have to leave. We'll pick it up again.
Fitz drags Lenny back into his own office. Brett answers the door. The college basketball teams tries to leave the best they could. Preston sees for a split second one of the basketball players but dismisses it.
Preston: Good evening gentlemen.
Fitz: Ahhh, Preston Connor. Great to meet you. (shakes hand)
Brett DeMarco: Welcome to Lovely Corp. (shakes hand)
Preston: Think you know why I'm here.
Fitz: Yes. How do you want to do this?
Brett DeMarco: Give you a tour?
Preston: Not just yet. I said over the phone I wanted to talk to you about a concerning manner. Then you guys can give me the tour.
Fitz: No problem. What is the manner you speak of?
Preston: You guys didn't by any chance hire a high school basketball coach, did you?
Brett DeMarco: Uhh, no. Why do you ask that?
Preston: Because I want to show you guys a 1950's Propaganda Film about the dangers and consequences of hiring a basketball coach to work at a corporate business.
Getting his laptop. Preston shows Fitz and Brett the Propaganda Video. Intense music plays. A Caption Reads: KEEP COACHES OUT OF CORPORATIONS!
The scene shows a bustling, modern office. Employees are frantically typing, phones ringing. A deep, authoritative voiceover begins.
Voiceover: In the heart of our nation's progress, a subtle threat has emerged. A menace disguised as ambition, charisma, and athletic prowess. We speak of the basketball coach.
Cut to a montage of fast-paced basketball action, then abruptly transition to a disheveled office with papers strewn everywhere.
Voiceover: On the court, they are kings. But in the boardroom, they are a disaster. These men, accustomed to the roar of the crowd and the flash of victory, are ill-equipped for the quiet demands of corporate life.
Another scene shows A basketball coach, dressed in a suit that clearly doesn’t fit, staring blankly at a spreadsheet.
Voiceover: Their tactics are built on instinct, not logic. Their strategies revolve around teamwork, not individual achievement. And their leadership style is more suited to motivating young men than managing complex business operations.
Quick cuts of a coach drawing plays on a whiteboard, then trying to explain a complex financial report.
Voiceover: Can you imagine a coach calling a timeout during a critical negotiation? Or using a full-court press to close a deal?
A dramatic pause, then a stern tone.
Voiceover: We must protect our businesses from this insidious threat. Hire qualified professionals, not those who have spent their lives chasing a ball.
A scene changes into a montage of successful, well-dressed businessmen and women working collaboratively.
Voiceover: Together, we can build a stronger, more prosperous America. Let us reject the allure of athletic glory and embrace the power of intellect and experience.
Final shot shows the company logo that reads DUMONT surrounded by a patriotic fanfare.
Voiceover: Brought To You By The Dumont Network. Building a Brighter Future Through Sound Business Practices.
End screen with text: Hire the Right People for the Right Job.
The video ends.
Preston: Did that make any sense to you both?
Fitz: It does. Absoutely 100%, sir! (sweating)
Brett DeMarco: So, when do we begin this tour? heh heh (sweating) Now?
Preston: Just to tell you. If I do find out you hired a basketball coach, Lovely Corp is FINISHED! OVER! KUPUTSVILLE! Understood.
Fitz and Brett: Yeah, understood! We get it!
Brett DeMarco: Now let's begin that tour, shall we?
Fitz: Surely!
Preston: Show me around! NOW!
Scene 9:
Everyone in Paradise leaves Dusty's mansion.
Robbie: That golden shower was way better than a snake Orgy!
Delbert: Heard Roman showers a lot more fun!
Randall: See you back in headquarters.
Kevin: Dusty! Did you see me back there? I was like "WWWOOOOOOO" and everyone else was like "YYYAAAAAYYYY!"
Stanley: Better than that cast party I went to after the filming of The Fly! The 1958 version.
Gina: When it comes to parties you are GOAT!
Bullet staggers around and slurs his words while still high from all the drugs he had.
Dusty: Good bye! Come again!
Closing the front door. About to get on with his day. Dusty sees a bunch of clowns standing before him. Dusty was filled with fright.
Dusty: AAAAAHHH! CLOWNS?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK!
Clown: Yes, that's right. We were here before you desecrated our mansion!
Dusty: You mean, you guys are the original owners?
Clown #2: Catching on fast there, shit face!
Dusty: But, the dude who sold me this mansion Mike Lipenkrantz told me there was nobody here.
Clown #3: That's what he wanted you to think.
Dusty: Look fellas. I had no idea that....
Clown #2: NO IDEA!?!?! Didn't you find it at all suspicious that you got a home so fast?
Clown #3: Yes, and didn't you even take into account that someone already owns this place?
Dusty: I got evicted from my original apartment and....
Clown: We don't care! We want this place BACK!
Dusty: I don't want to be homeless again!
Mike Lipenkrantz comes flying down in a jetpack.
Dusty: Mike! What are you doing here?
Mike: I'm going to make a proposition with you.
Dusty: OKay. I really need a place to live. Being a cop doesn't pay very well.
Mike: If you want to keep this mansion. Me and the clowns challenge you to a jet ski water race.
Dusty: If I win?
Mike: You keep the mansion.
Dusty: If I lose?
Mike: We kick you out for good.
Clown: Hope you know what you're doing here?
Mike (to the Clowns): Don't worry. This mansion will go back to you. He's sure to lose!
Clown #2: Tell him your big plan here.
Mike: You see Dusty. I'm really a con man. I'm not a real estate agent at all. I knew you would be stupid enough dumbass to believe that you can get a mansion for free. You're sure to lose this jet ski race. Have fun being homeless again!
The Clowns and Mike all circle around Dusty and laugh at him.
Dusty: But I don't know how to use a jet ski! Oh the humanity! Why do bad things happen to good people?! (has a tantrum)
Scene 10:
Randall has Gina, Dusty, Kevin, Bullet, and Stanley out on patrol. Dusty was feeling leary.
Kevin: Something on your mind, Dusty?
Randall: That's the thing with Dusty! There's always something!
Dusty: My mansion is actually owned by Clowns. And I never knew it!
Bullet: Oh shit. This is my fault.
Dusty: Why didn't you tell me Mike Lipenkrantz was a con man? He told me so himself.
Bullet: How the fuck was I supposed to know? He sold me a doghouse for free and .......ohhhhhh my.....Now that I think about it, that doghouse I got was actually owned by Mrs Whiskers!
Gina: Did these clowns make some type of deal with you?
Dusty: If I want to keep the mansion, I have to race against them on a jetski. I don't know how to jetski.
Stanley: This guy you speak of reminds me of those bookies who used to cut off your thumbs.
Randall: Those are expensive so we can't afford one...
Kevin: Jetskiing is rather easy Dusty. It's like riding a motorcycle in the water.
Bullet: Well, I'm the one who got you into this horseshit. So I'll get you out. Oh another thing.
Randall: What?
Bullet: Once Mike Lipenkrantz gives you a free house, him and the original owner team up to kick you out and make you homeless again. Sorry guys. I had no idea about this asshole.
Dusty: Sounds like my situation.
Mrs Whiskers walks up to Bullet.
Bullet: Well, speak of the devil!
Mrs Whiskers: Mike Lipenkrantz says you need to give me back my doghouse or else who sue you for all the money you got and.....
Bullet: I ALREADY KNOW!!!! GET OUT! I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING HERE!
Mrs. Whiskers: Okay (walks off)
Kevin: Or we can work together to help Dusty beat those clowns.
Gina: Hmmm, there's no crime going on today.
Randall: Bullet, what do you suggest we do to get Dusty out of this pickle?
Bullet: This may seem farfetched and probably one of my drug induced ideas. How about we build a jetski for Dusty?
Randall: I like that idea. As part of police training we had to learn how to build mechanical things too.
Kevin: All we need are parts.
Gina: We have some scrap metal back at the station!
Bullet: OKay! Building a jetski it is! One more thing...
Randall: What is it Columbo?
Bullet: When we build the jetski can we use a 1990s Alternative Rock song as a montage.
Randall: I don't see why not!
Kevin: Why do you have to call anyone who says "One More Thing" Columbo?
Randall: Shut up and lets build a jetski!
Dusty: YES! I'll show those clowns!
1979 by The Smashing Pumpkins was playing as Kevin, Bullet, Dusty, Stanley, Randall, and Gina all used teamwork to build a jetski for Dusty. It had taken hours to build. When it was done. It looked like a jetski made with car parts. Proud of the effort built into it. Dusty was ready to take on the Clowns on the Jetski race. When it was ready the Clowns from the Mansion came to taunt Dusty.
Clown: You call that a jetski?
Clown #2: More like shit ski!
Kevin: What do you clowns want?
Gina: Got something to say, say it!
Dusty gulped as he was speechless in fear.
Clown #3: This race we challenged the fatass to...
Clown #4: It's actually a contest for a cash prize. Which we will win so we can continue to live in the mansion.
Clown: It's going to be tonight! At 8 pm! Be there!
Stanley: We'll be there all right! We'll be there with bells on!
Randall: Anyone recall when Fitz was scared of clowns.....(being ignored) Ahhh, never mind.
Scene 11:
Fitz and Brett much to their chagrin were giving Preston a tour. Walking down the hallways to Fitz's office.
Brett DeMarco: Right here, is where our Fearless Leader, Gerald Fitzgerald resides.
Fitz: Yep, every Lovely Corp employee gets a cubicle, we have our own offices and...
Preston (suddenly stops walking): .
Fitz: Is there a problem, sir?
Preston: I forgot to tell you I have IBS. I need to use the bathroom. I'll be in there a while.
Brett DeMarco: Last door on your right.
Preston: Thanks (runs off)
Fitz: Good, this is our chance to get rid of Lenny!
Brett DeMarco: Right.
Fitz and Brett ran to the office that they gave Lenny. He was inside the office staring at a computer and whiteboard.
Lenny: Oh hey guys. Did either of you see that Mario Movie last year?
Fitz and Brett DeMarco: NO!
Lenny: What's this thing on the computer called Power Point? Can you show me how that works! Can you show me how that works? Can you show me show that works? Can you tell me what this board is for? Can you tell me what this board is for! Can you tell me what this board is for!
Fitz (grabs Lenny by the collar): Hiring you was a fucking stupid mistake.
Lenny (yelps): WOAH! CALM DOWN!
Brett DeMarco: You act like you've never been in an office before. Scratch that! You act like you've never worked before!
Fitz (releases Lenny): In other words. You need to leave.
Lenny: Oh no. You're firing me?
Brett DeMarco: That corporate inspector is here. He is dead set against companies like ours hiring brian dead basketball coaches like you.
Fitz: If he sees you we lose the company and our profits will go under! Lovely Corp will be in liquidation!
Lenny: I know you guys don't like me. I know. How about a give you guys both a car?
Taking two pieces of paper. Lenny draws a picture of a car on both the pieces of paper and gives them to Fitz and Brett who both end up tearing up the car pictures.
Fitz: Are you even listening to us?!?!
Lenny: Yeah yeah yeah I am.
Brett DeMarco: We're making you leave and that is IT!
Lenny: NO! PLEASE! LET ME STAY! GIVE ME SOME ON THE JOB TRAINING AT LEAST AND....
Fitz and Brett grab Lenny with force and drag Lenny away while he kicks and screams.
Lenny: Where you are guys taking me?
Fitz: Back to Cantebury Hills High that's where! That way the inspector will never know you were here!
Lenny: Don't make me go back! Don't make me go back!
Brett DeMarco: Oh yes you are! You're going back to North Carolina on our private jet!
Lenny: I'm not going back! I'm not going back! I'm not going back!
As Fitz and Brett struggle to keep Lenny within their grasp. Lenny keeps trying to escape them. Frank and Pedro come.
Frank Flipperfist: What the fuck is going on?
Fitz: Frank! Pedro! Thank God you're here!
Brett DeMarco: Get this coach out of our hands will you!
Pedro Pooptooth: Whatever for, puto?
Fitz: Preston Connors is here to look over Lovely Corp.
Brett DeMarco: If he sees this coach here we'll lose everything.
Fitz: Go hide in him a room somewhere!
Frank and Pedro: Right.
Brett DeMarco: Put him in Puffy's room.
Grabbing Lenny away from Fitz and Brett. Frank and Pedro drag away Lenny.
Lenny: PUT ME DOWN! SET ME FREE! I'M NOT GOING BACK! I'M NOT GOING BACK!
Fitz and Brett run to the bathroom to check on Preston.
Brett DeMarco: Sir. Are you all right in there.
Preston: Just give me a couple more (squirts) I'm far from done here (squirts)
Fitz: Would you like some Rolaids or something?
Preston: No. Rolaids can't cure what I have.
Leaving the bathroom Fitz and Brett were relieved for now.
Fitz: Lets go join Frank and Pedro now.
Brett DeMarco: Preston must not know!
Scene 12:
The lake is illuminated by floodlights, casting a dramatic glow over the water. The crowd has gathered along the shore, eagerly awaiting the race. Dusty stands nervously by his makeshift jetski, while the clowns are already in their flashy, colorful jetskis, laughing and joking around. Mike takes his place in the announcer’s booth.
Mike: (enthusiastically) Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to tonight’s thrilling jetski race! We have Dusty, the underdog, going up against the mischievous Clown Crew! Who will take home the prize and the mansion? Let’s find out!
Dusty (to himself): You can do this, Dusty. Just like riding a motorcycle… on water.
Kevin: (patting Dusty on the back) You’ve got this, buddy. Just stay focused.
Bullet: Remember! Think of the money! You can use it to get a new place, and if you have any left over....
Kevin: Uh, let's let Dusty what to do with the money.
Dusty: If I win. I'm getting my old place back! Who knows if I will.
Randall: That's the spirit! Just keep thinking! Eyes On The Prize, baby!
Dusty: But I don't stand a chance.
Gina (smiling): You do. You just don't know it yet. Whatever you do.....win. (kisses Dusty)
Dusty (perking up): Woah! Now I feel motivated!
The starting lights begin to count down. Dusty takes a deep breath and grips the handlebars of his jetski.
Mike (excitedly) And they’re off!
The lights turn green, and Dusty and the clowns speed off across the water. Dusty’s jetski sputters at first, but he quickly gains control and picks up speed.
Mike: (voiceover): Dusty is off to a shaky start, but he’s gaining momentum! The clowns are pulling out all the stops with their tricks and stunts!
The clowns perform flips and spins, trying to distract Dusty. He stays focused, navigating the course with determination. The crowd cheers as the race heats up.
Clown #1: (grinning) Let’s see you keep up with this!
The clowns form a pyramid on their jetskis, causing the crowd to gasp in amazement. Dusty takes a deep breath and accelerates, weaving through the obstacles with precision.
Mike: (shouting) Dusty is catching up! This is anyone’s race!
As they approach the final stretch, Dusty and the clowns are neck and neck. Dusty remembers Kevin’s advice and leans into the turns, gaining a slight edge.
Dusty: (to himself) Come on, just a little more…
In a final burst of speed, Dusty crosses the finish line just ahead of the clowns. The crowd erupts in cheers and applause.
Dusty (yells): CCCCCCCOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Gina: Oh I forgot. When Dusty faces competition, he becomes Joe E. Brown!
Stanley: Who can forget that guy!
Mike: (excitedly) And the winner is… Dusty! What an incredible race! Let’s hear it for our champion!
Dusty steps off his jetski, beaming with pride. The clowns were throwing their jetskis in frustration.
Kevin: (smiling) You earned it, Dusty. Well done.
Dusty (grinning) Thank you! Thank you!
The clowns all walk off in defeat and shook their fists. Knowing that they lost the mansion.
Kevin: (cheering) You did it, Dusty!
Gina: (hugging Dusty) We knew you could do it!
Randall: (smiling) Looks like we get to keep the mansion after all.
Bullet: (laughing) And no more dealing with Mike Lipenkrantz!
The crowd continues to cheer as Dusty and his friends celebrate their victory.
Mike:(signing off) That’s all for tonight, folks! Thanks for joining us, and we’ll see you next time for more high-octane action. And for me to try to find someone else to con!
Dusty shows his prize money.
Stanley: Whatcha going to do with that money, Dusty?
Dusty: Since the mansion is mine now, I think I will have it torn down and make it into just a regular house.
Kevin: Good idea, Dusty.
Dusty: Truth is, I don't need a mansion. I'm happy just have a regular place to live.
Randall: To top that off. Your new home will be all expenses paid.
Bullet: You'll never have to worry about eviction again!
Dusty: Or back wages!
Gina: That's a very wise decision.
Off in a distance, the Clowns were seen being up Mike Lipenkrantz.
Clown #1: (beating up Mike): YOU TOLD US HE WAS GOING TO LOSE!!!!
Gina: Weren't they on the same side?
Bullet: That's the thing about Mike. He always swtiches from one side to the other and makes promises he can't keep.
Randall: Fuck it all. Let's just go back to headquarters.
Scene 13 Conclusion:
At Lovely Corp. Fitz and Brett were racing down the hallways to Puffy's room.
Fitz: Any minute now, Preston will be coming out of the bathroom.
Brett DeMarco: Let's hope to all that is holy that Frank, Pedro, and Puffy have Lenny restrained!
Going into Puffy's room at Lovely Corp. Fitz and Brett see Puffy was sitting on Lenny who was muffling. Frank and Pedro were sitting on Lenny as well.
Fitz: Damn! How did you guys subdue him?
Frank Flipperfist: Easy! I slapped him with my fins!
Pedro Pooptooth: Then I burnt him with a Zippo lighter!
Lenny: (muffling)
Brett DeMarco: Great job guys.
Fitz: OKay, you guys stay here for now and....
When they least expected it, the Police from Cantebury Hills North Carolina broke in.
Policeman #1: FREEZE! CANTEBURY HILLS PD!
Brett DeMarco: Officers? What are you doing here?
Fitz: Who are you here for?
Policeman #2: We've been after the High School Football Coach Lenny Balonski!
Frank Flipperfist: You mean this guy we're sitting on?
Policeman #1: Which one of you caught him?
Puffy The Cigarette: I did!
Fitz (whispers to Brett): Let him have this one.
Pedro Pooptooth: Why do you want to take him?
Policeman #1: We were after him because he sexually assaulted the female science teacher.
Policeman #2: When she reported him to us, he ran away. This man you caught is also known to act very spacy and stoned.
Policeman #1: We have reason to believe he's had too many blows to the head.
Fitz: Guys! Hand Lenny over to the cops!
Frank and Pedro get up off of Lenny, and Fitz and Brett push Lenny into the arms of the police officers.
Policeman #2: Okay Lenny! We finally got you! You're coming with us for a little ride!
Policeman #1: Thought you could get away from us, hey? Not very smart!
Lenny: NO JAIL! NO JAIL! NO JAIL! I DID NOT TOUCH THAT LADY! SHE CAME ONTO ME!!!!
Policeman #1: We're sending you someplace better! The nut ward!
Policeman #2: Here's an award for the Cigarette man.
Puffy gets $300 dollars handed to him. Lenny was screaming as the Cantabury Hills Police departed. Fitz and Brett felt like a burden had been lifted from them both.
Fitz (sighs): Well, that was a lucky break.
Brett DeMarco: Maybe Preston was right. Basketball coachs can't be trusted.
Fitz: Tell me about it. And to think sports coaches are so beloved in high schools.
Brett DeMarco: Preston should be here at any minute.
Frank Flipperfist: So Puffy. You got $300! What will you do with it?
Pedro Pooptooth: You can give it to Fitz so he can go ahead with his Destroy California plan.
Fitz: Yes, Puffy! We'll need all the money we can get for that.
Brett DeMarco: With that $300 you can make Lovely Corp even better!
Puffy The Cigarette: I'm going to spend my money on some Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream!
Feeling a sense of rage. Fitz and Brett both push Puffy out the window. Preston arrives on the scene.
Preston: Okay gentlemen. I can trust you. I see no evidence of Basketball Coaches ever being here!
Fitz: So you approve?
Preston: I approve! Lovely Corp will go on!
Brett DeMarco: Thank you sir!
Preston: Oh by the way. Did you guys have a cigarette mascot.
Fitz: Uh yes! Yeah we did.
Brett DeMarco: He's playing hopscotch!
Preston: No problem. Good luck running Lovely Corp with a prosperious journey and godspeed!
Fitz, Brett, Frank, and Pedro all say their final goodbyes to Preston. The four men were very pleased that Lovely Corp as passed inspection. In the future, Fitz and Brett will know better than to hire a basketball coach.
THE END
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