Categories > Cartoons > Paradise PD
Jammin' In The Pirate Age
0 reviewsBullet obtains a "Dream Time Machine" from Hobo Cop to use on Randall, Kevin, and Dusty.
0Unrated
When I watched Paradise PD, I noticed the show never did an episode about the characters being in a historical time period or even pirates like Brickleberry once did. That's why I decided to write this fanfic. To combine the two. What if Kevin, Randall, and Dusty got time warped to the pirate age? This is how I pictured how that would pan out.
Paradise PD
fanfic title:
Jamming In The Pirate Age
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
In a back alleyway in Paradise. Bullet was walking around late one night hoping to score some drugs. There were no drug dealers to be seen.
Bullet: Son of a bitch! This place is usually chock full of drug drealers before dawn.
Searching high and low in the dark alleys. Bullet came up short.
Bullet: What the fuck is going on? Where have all the drug dealers gone?!
A voice that says, "Psst over here" that gets Bullet's attention. Bullet runs to where he heard the voice.
Bullet: Yes! Finally! About time!
As he stopped running, Bullet runs into Hobo Cop.
Hobo Cop: Hey, Bullet? What are you doing up at this time of night?
Bullet: I want to get some drugs. Why else would I hang around the seedy part of town at night?
Hobo Cop: I have something for you that I think would be better than drugs.
Bullet: What planet are you from, Hobo Cop?! What could possibly be better than drugs!
Hobo Cop: As Aerosmith used to say, "Walk This Way!"
When Bullet follows Hobo Cop, he shows the German Shephard a steel case that was shaped like a bed along with some hoses with dome shaped hair dryers attached. It appears to be two hoses with dome shaped hair dryers.
Hobo Cop: Tah Dah! What do you think?
Bullet: Can you tell me what the fuck this is first?
Hobo Cop: Certainly. You're right you have a right to know. Sorry about that. This is a Dream Time Machine.
Bullet: WHAT?!? There's no such thing! Wait, what? Dream Time Machine? Okay, how exactly does this work?
Hobo Cop: You attach these dome bowls on someone's head when they're sleeping.
Bullet: Go on....
Hobo Cop: Once you do, you go on this table and punch in the keys to type down what time period you want to send someome to.
Bullet: Hmmm, you know. This actually sounds very awesome! I'll take it! How much?
Hobo Cop: It's absoutely free. It's all yours. Use it on whoever you want!
Bullet: Thank you, Hobo Cop! I can go without drugs just this once. This Dream Time Machine looks like it could be interesting!
Hobo Cop hands Bullet the Dream Time Machine. Bullet now has the Dream Time Machine in his posession. As he carries it home with him.
Bullet (walks out of the alleys): Imagine how much fun I can have with this! Question is.....who should I use it on?
Trying to decide who would be the best candidate. Bullet spots Randall's house. He notices Kevin is there too sleeping in his room. Kevin's room has posters of Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, My Hero Academia, Star Wars, Naturo, and Dungeons and Dragons.
Bullet: Perfect! (looks at Kevin's room): Sheesh Kevin! Your room looks more immature than Ewan McGregor's in Trainspotting!
Scene 2:
Sneaking inside Randall's house. Bullet places the dome shaped bowls on Randall's head and then on Kevin's. Bullet soon took notice that there were actually three dome bowls instead of two.
Bullet: Another one? But who should I use this one on? Say I know....
Running out of the Crawford house, unnoticed. Bullet runs over to Dusty's house to put the dome bowl on his head. Sneaking into Dusty's house. Dusty was fast asleep, snoring and mumbling.
Dusty (snores): hmmm, mmmm, mmmmm, Dusty's Chicken Truck......
Placing the dome bowl on Dusty's head then runs out of Dusty's house. Now Bullet was at a vacant corner sitting down next to the steel bed with computer buttons.
Bullet: Oh shit! I'm not sure what time period to send Randall, Kevin, and Dusty to!
Thinking to himself for a minute. Bullet then remembers a pirate movie he watched.
Bullet: I know! I watched the movie Captain Blood with Errol Flynn when I got drunk last weekend. I'll send them to the 1650's!
Typing in 1650 on the steel bed. Bullet then pushes a button. Rising up from the steel bed, there was a computer screen.
Bullet: Wow! Cool! Now I can actually watch them and see how they adjust to the Pirate Age!
Pushing a button, the Dream Time Machine makes a noise with electricity coming out of it.
Bullet: Yes! Yes! Yes! It's working!
The Dream Time Machine shows in the computer screen Kevin, Randall, and Dusty in their Paradise PD uniforms washed up on a beach.
Bullet: Like Bane in The Dark Knight Rises! Let The Games Begin!
Scene 3:
Kevin, Randall, and Dusty were sleeping when they were washed up on the beach. Then they woke up.
Randall: A beach?!?! What the fuck happened to my house and my bedroom?
Kevin: You're right, Dad! We are on a beach!
Dusty: Cheese and Taters! How did we end up here?
Randall: Seems like it's just the three of us. I don't see Stanley, Gina, or Bullet around.
Kevin: Maybe we were brought here for a reason.
Dusty: No sign of Robbie and Delbert either. We need to find out where we are.
Walking around on the beach, away from the water. A sign reads "Death Island".
Kevin: Death Island? I shudder to think what type of death is here.
Randall, Kevin, and Dusty see a palace from far away. A woman that resembled Karen watches from a tower.
Karen: Interlopers! I must warn the king.
Brett DeMarco (grabs her wrist): Hey, we don't pay to you spy! Get back in the woman's quarters at once and wait for me there! (lets go of Karen)
Karen: Yes sir.
Dusty: A palace! Hopefully it's a restaurant!
Randall: Food is all you think about.
Kevin: For Gods Sake Dad! Why do you have to be such an ass about everything?
Dusty: Yeah, Randall. Why can't you be more like those sitcom dads?
Kevin: You wanted a sitcom family too?
Dusty: Sure did! Whenever my Mama used to beat me silly, I always dreamed of living with The Brady Bunch!
Kevin: That's a coincedence! So did I!
Dusty: Hey! The Brady Bunch is my turf! You have to go live with The Partridge Family!
Randall: Enough talking about 1970's sitcoms! Let's find out where we are!
Dusty: Or when we are.
The tone of Randall's voice was loud enough for two palace guards to hear. Who were wearing 1650's guard uniforms. They ran up to Kevin, Randall, and Dusty. The palace guards looked like Marcos Narcos and Russian Mobster. Both were armed with swords.
Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria! Where the fuck did you come from? (points sword)
Russian Mobster: Why are you not dressed like us! (points sword)
Kevin (seeing the guards uniforms): Oh my gosh! Those clothes! What year is this?
Russian Mobster: Why it's the year 1650! 1651....1652...1653....ha ha ha!
Marcos Narcos: Outsiders! Where did you come from?
Russian Mobster and Marcos Narcos will had swords pointed at Randall, Kevin, and Dusty!
Randall: Uhhhhh.......We're from the year...... 2024? We're policemen.
Marcos Narcos: Lawmen you say....
Dusty: We mean no harm, seriously!
Russian Mobster: You come with us!
Marcos Narcos: We show you to the king!
Dusty: ooooh! I hope its a friendly king!
As Randall, Dusty, and Kevin were being grabbed and lead away by the guards. They were questioning why and how they got to the year 1650.
Kevin: 1650! How the fuck did we get here?
Dusty: Maybe we was time warped! You know like from another dimension!
Randall: You've been watching too much Voyagers Dusty!
Kevin: This was before all of us were even born.
Dusty: Oh my gosh! You're right. You mean I haven't even been born?
Kevin: Or me?
Randall: Herbert Hoover and Harry Truman haven't even been born! Come on!
Dusty and Kevin both get slapped by Randall. Then the guards drag all three of them into the throne room.
Scene 4:
In a room that looks like a King's Quarters. Frank Flipperfist and Pedro Pooptooth were dressed like 1650s king's guards. They saluted the king who was Gerald Fitzgerald dressed in 1650's king's clothes. Beside him was Gina who was his servant dressed in a princess style dress.
Frank Flipperfist: Your excellency! Two of our other guards have spotted some strange men.
Pedro Pooptooth: Marcos and the Russian guy are sending them to you, Puto.
Fitz: OKay, I'll bite. You say you found strange men? How many and what makes them unsual?
Frank Flipperfist: Their clothes are different.
Fitz: How many men are there?
Frank Flipperfist: There are three of them.
Pedro Pooptooth: Their clothes looks like they're not from this world. So to speak. They're outside now.
Fitz: Bring them in!
Marcos Narcos and Russian Mobster were pushing Randall, Kevin, and Dusty into the King's Quarters with excessive force.
Fitz (to Gina, Frank, and Pedro): You may leave.
Gina, Frank Flipperfist, and Pedro Pooptooth make their leave. When Marcos Narcos and Russian Mobster were shoving Randall, Kevin, and Dusty. They were protesting with rage.
Randall: You mother fuckers!
Dusty: Take it easy why don't you?
Kevin: What the hell....stop!
Marcos Narcos shoved Randall again.
Randall: You try that once more.
Marco Narcos pushes Randall away.
Randall: I dare you do try that again.
Marcos Narcos pushes Randall away in a more violent fashion.
Randall: Son of a bitch he did it! I'm beginning to hate that shithead!
Fitz: I've never seen men dressed like that. Who the fuck are they supposed to be?
Marcos Narcos: They claim to be lawman or something.
Gina walks back into the room, and immediately starts hitting on Dusty.
Kevin, Dusty, and Randall all do a wolf's whistle.
Fitz: They're lawmen all right.
Dusty: Oh my.
Gina: Hey, who's the hot fat guy? (honks Dusty's nipples then pulls on his penis)
Fitz: Gina! What did I tell you about hitting on fat men! You are supposed to dedicate your life to me! Seize them!
Marcos and Russian Mobster bring Randall, Kevin, and Dusty closer to the King's desk.
Kevin: We mean no harm. We're of no threat!
Fitz: SHUT UP! I'm speaking here! I intend to make gally slaves out of you!
Dusty: Hey, that sounds like fun! Gally is another word for kitchen!
Fitz: But I changed my mind!
Kevin: At least we won't be slaves.
Fitz: For your insolence and my betroth you all shall die! I'll throw you to the tigers!
Randall: Spare us oh great king.
Kevin: Be a sport.
Fitz: You want to be spared?
Randall, Kevin, and Dusty: Yeah!
Fitz: Very well, you may choose the manner in which you will die!
Kevin: That's easy, old age! I'd rather get an STD than die at the hands of you assfuckers! (laughs)
Randall was about to slap Kevin, but Marcos slapped Kevin instead.
Kevin: What's wrong? Can't take a joke?
Randall (to Marcos): Thanks! Just be glad he's not your son!
Fitz: You can choose to get your heads chopped off or burned at the stake!
Dusty: We'll take burning at the stake!
Fitz: Then it's settled. We'll toast them Monday at sundown!
Randall: Why the fuck did you pick Burning At the Stake For?
Dusty: Been watching too much Game Of Thrones I guess! (giggles)
Fitz: Away with them!
Marcos and Russian Mobster drag Randall, Kevin, and Dusty into a dungeon to await their brutal execution.
Scene 5:
Being lead to the dungeon. Randall sees a rotting naked and dead man who resembles Thester Carbomb in one of the cells. This time Frank and Pedro were leading them.
Randall: Shit! Who the hell was THAT?!!
Frank Flipperfist : Oh, that's some sorry ass nobody who tried to escape. He claimed to be a psychiatrist that tried to make the king go straight.
Pedro Pooptooth: He didn't get very far! (laughs)
Kevin and Dusty gulped.
Frank Flipperfist: This way, gentlemen! I'll show you to your suites!
First Kevin gets pushed into the dungeon.
Frank Flipperfist: GET IN THERE!
Kevin: ZOINKS!
Randall and Dusty soon get shoved inside the dungeon.
Frank Flipperfist: GET IN THERE!
Randall and Dusty: NNNNAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
Pedro Pooptooth (locking the dungeon door): We'll see you Monday night, Putos!
Frank Flipperfist: Enjoy your last hours being alive, fuck faces!
Pedro and Frank make their leave as they laugh leaving Randall, Dusty, and Kevin with the fate that was ahead for them. Death!
Kevin: Is it my imagination. Or do all these people seem to look like everyone we know back in Paradise?
Randall: Despite that, nonetheless Kevin. I did notice that.
Dusty: Yeah, me too. That servant girl looked and acted a lot like Gina back home.
Randall: That king looked suspiciously a lot like Fitz!
Kevin: And those guards! Were the Legion of DOOOOM who now work for Lovely Corp.
Randall: All I can say is, maybe they're all our ancestors.
Dusty (looks out barred window): Oh shit! They're gathering wood!
Randall: We the fuck did you have to say that, Dusty!
Kevin: We already know that.
Randall: Come Monday they're going to toast us like marshmallows!
The door to the dungeon opens. It's Gina. She has blood and broken skin from some guards on her hands.
Gina: I busted the guards! I'm here to help you get away!
Kevin: Geez, even in this time period Gina has to have 'Bitch Be Crazy' syndrome.
Dusty: How did you manage to pull that off?
Gina: Easy! My brute strength!
Kevin: Either way, we're glad to see you.
Randall notices a hole in Gina's head.
Gina: Yeah, stare all you want. I have this hole in my head. It's a Brianus. It's a spear that was thrown into my brain when I was a child. Gives me super powers!
Dusty: Why do you want to help us? Aren't you on King Fitz's side?
Gina: I don't really work for him. (whispers) For the past 12 years I've been on a secret undercover mission to take him out!
Dusty: Take him out? You mean like to dinner?
Gina: No! To assassinate his sorry black ass!
Randall: Sure fooled us.
Gina: You haven't heard the worst part. He thinks I'm his fiance. I have to pretend like I'm in love with that twat waffle.
Kevin: You gotta do what you gotta do!
Gina: The king is taking his nap now is the time to go.
Randall: You going to take us though the corridor?
Gina: Afraid not, those guards will mutiliate you all if you tried that.
Kevin: How are we going to get out of here?
Gina: Check under that bed.
Dusty and Randall take off the mattress. Underneath there were axes and saws.
Gina: I saved these for such an occassion. Carry them into the closet.
Randall: Why the closet? I'm not gay.
Gina: The closet has a West Wall that leads to the other side of the palace.
Dusty: What're we waiting for. Let's do it.
Kevin, Randall, and Dusty take the saws and axes into the closet. Gina makes her leave.
Scene 6:
Now, Randall, Kevin, and Dusty were trying to find out where the West Wall of the palace was.
Dusty (points to the walls): Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Randall! You can't go wrong with Randall!
Randall (laughs): Yes thanks! (slaps Dusty): Get busy you pieces of shit!
Trying to use the saws and axes, Randall by mistake hits Kevin with an axe.
Kevin: OOOOOHHH! You harshed my mellow!
Randall: That was your fault! Outta my way!
Then a knock is heard. Kevin opens the closet door. It was Robbie and Delbert dressed in 1650's pirate clothing.
Robbie: Ahoy there maties!
Delbert: Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Dusty: Holy 911! Robbie and Delbert are in the pirate age!
Kevin (gasps): That IS THEM!
Randall: What the fuck do you guys want?
Robbie: We're prisoners of King Fitz too.
Delbert: We've been stuck here for year and years. We want to come with you.
Randall: Not a chance! This is our escape!
Kevin: You gotta excuse my Dad, he's one of those every man for himself types.
Robbie: Oh come on! You can't be serious!
Delbert: You ain't gonna leave us here to rot are you?
Robbie: You would not believe how bad the prison sex is in here!
Delbert: The guards are so strict they make us fuck goats and never let us have prostitutes!
Robbie: We're into hot whores!
Delbert: Not beastiality!
Randall gets an idea.
Kevin: You going to help them too?
Randall: Sure, you can come with us. Close your eyes.
Robbie and Delbert close their eyes. Randall and Dusty then carry both Robbie and Delbert and bump their heads into the wall. Which caused a the wall of the closet to break into a human sized hole.
Kevin: We're free!
Randall: We didnt need the tools after all!
Dusty: What are we going to do about them?
Robbie and Delbert were knocked out cold. Randall and Dusty threw them both into the dungeon. The guards Frank and Pedro grabbed Robbie and Delbert thinking they were Randall, Dusty, and Kevin.
Pedro Pooptooth: We changed our minds, puto!
Frank Flipperfist: We're burning you now!
Kevin: They think Robbie and Delbert are us! Good plan Dad!
Randall: Hahahaha! Without me where would we be?
Dusty: Now they're going to be burned at the stake instead of us!
Randall: Shut your fucking pie holes now! We got work to do!
Kevin: Yes, like getting back to our own time.
Dusty, Randall, and Kevin were walking along the West Wall of the Palace. Gina came to them to give them a change of clothes.
Gina: I broke the bones of some vagrants and puritans to get you clothes for you! (hands Dusty some clothes): Here something for you in your size.
Scene 7:
Back in Paradise 2024. Bullet was watching the whole thing unfold.
Bullet: They seem to be doing pretty well for themselves. Let's see how this plays out!
In 1650, Randall and Kevin were now wearing pirate clothes. Dusty however was dressed up like a monk. The three of them were being lead by Gina going down the stairs.
Randall: Dusty! Why aren't you dressed like the rest of us?
Dusty: This is the only thing she can find that fits me.
Gina: If you want the truth, I ravaged a fat monk for that outfit. I think it looks sexy!
Kevin: He looks like Friar Carl from Van Helsing.
Dusty (scoffs): Geez, Kevin. I thought were you supposed to be the nice one.
Gina was soon stopped by the King's head guard. A man who resembled Brett DeMarco from before. Karen from earlier was listening in from behind a curtain.
Karen (thinking to herself): When I expose this traitor, Fitz will want my hand in marriage.
For as long as Karen and Gina worked for King Fitz. Karen has always harbored a jealous hatred towards Gina because King Fitz finds her better looking and already made her his fiance.
Brett DeMarco: Halt! Who goes there?
Kevin: That guy looks like Brett DeMarco.
Brett DeMarco: Who are these people you bring to see King Fitzgerald?
Gina: Uhhh, they're entertainers.
Brett DeMarco: All right. I'll take them to see the king.
Gina, Kevin, Dusty, and Randall are following Brett DeMarco to the dining room where the King was eating dinner. Karen ran upstairs.
Dusty: Hey, you going Up The Down Staircase? (laughs) Get it?
Karen looks at Dusty with contempt then disappears.
Brett DeMarco: Wait here until I get the King's approval. (walks off)
Gina: This is the plan. As soon as you get out of here. Go to Black Stanley's Pirate Den. (hands Randall a bag) These are 50 pieces of gold. With it you can bribe Black Stanley get us off of this fucking island.
Randall: Okay, right.
Gina shushes when Brett DeMarco comes back.
Brett DeMarco: The King gave me the okay while he was eating his supper. He may see you now.
Following Brett. They were all stopped by Frank and Pedro.
Frank Flipperfist: Wait! Who are these men?
Gina: I can explain. These are entertainers for the King. They also bring gifts too.
Dusty shows them a golden watch.
Pedro Pooptooth: Since you're all with Brett, you're free to see the King, Putos.
Frank and Pedro let them all go into the King's Dining Room.
Fitz was at a table eating his dinner. Looking up from his table he sees Brett, Gina, Randall, Kevin, and Dusty.
Brett DeMarco: Your highness. These men were brought to entertain you.
Fitz: I demand to see some proof.
Gina: Yes your excellency. (bows): These men indeed are entertainers and they come bearing gifts.
Fitz: What are their names?
Randall: I'm the Rajah of Crawfordsky!
Gina (to Kevin): Present yourself.
Kevin: I'm the Gin of Rummy!
Gina (to Dusty): And you...
Dusty: Friar Marlowe! (hands in prayer position and gibbering nonsense)
Fitz: What the fuck is he doing?
Kevin: Seems like he's speaking in tongue!
Dusty: This is what we monks do before they go into battle.
Fitz: Can we dispense with the formailities and make with the gifts?
Randall: Oh yes! Gifts! Of course! Get the gifts!
Fitz: What priceless gifts do you all bring?
Randall takes out a red heart shaped sucker.
Fitz: (gasps): A ruby!
Randall hands Fitz the sucker.
Fitz: A ruby as large as a turkey's egg!
Randall: The Ruby De Lovely Popsi!
Dusty: It's raspberry!
Fitz: Wow! What fire! I have many pigeon blood rubies but never have I been given the raspberry!
Kevin (takes out a pen): Here is my gift.
Fitz (gasps in surprise): A tusk of a black walrus.
Randall: That's right! Guaranteed forever!
Kevin: If you should live so long!
Dusty: One more gift.
Taking out a used soiled condom from his pocket, Dusty hands it to Fitz.
Fitz: What is this you speak of?
Dusty: A Master of Bates!
Fitz (gasps): Amazing! Love it! I'll have to try this "Master Of Bates" on myself! (claps hands) Okay. I'm ready for the entertainment now.
Brett DeMarco (points a sword): You guys better be good.
Scene 8:
Randall, Dusty, and Kevin are trying to come up with something to entertain the King.
Kevin: We should sing a song.
Dusty: Do we know of any songs from 1650? I sure as hell don't.
Randall: I got one. Just follow my lead! (whispers to Dusty and Kevin): We'll do that song from Robin And The Seven Hoods. Mr. Booze. You fellas know that one don't you? OKay! Kick it off!
Kevin and Dusty: (harmonizing): HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Randall (singing): Mr. Booze!
Kevin and Dusty: (singing and harmonizing) HOOOOOOOOO! Mr Booze!
Randall (singing): Mr. Booze! Mr B Double O..Z...E...
Kevin and Dusty (singing): That sure spells Booze!
Gina was impressed with their singing. Fitz and Brett were not. Kevin and Dusty start clapping.
Randall (singing): You Will Wind Up Wearing Tattered Shoes If You Mess With Mr. Booze!
Kevin and Dusty (singing): Don't Mess With Mr. Booze! (clapping) Don't Mess With Mr. Booze!
Fitz (stands up from the table): Enough! I happen to like alcohol!
Brett DeMarco: Yes, we find your song offensive!
Fitz: Sing me something better.
Kevin: Okay, fine. Anything to please the King!
Randall, Dusty, and Kevin (singing together): Brigadoon! Brigadoon! Blooming Under Sable Skies...Brigadoon....
Fitz: That's even worse! Get out! Gina! Get them out of here, at once!
Gina was going to escort them out. Randall stops her.
Randall: Wait! Wait! Give us another chance.
Fitz: I'll allow it.
Kevin: Instead of song, we have something better to offer.
Dusty: Tell him.
Randall: In my domain in the islands of Para and Dise. There's some fair harlots who prowl though the meadows day and night. If you give us until sun up! We will bring some back by sundown.
Fitz: That's even better! On your way with winged penises! (to Gina): Go back to the servants quarters with you.
Randall, Dusty, and Kevin ran out of the dining room. Gina secretly follows Randall, Dusty, and Kevin.
Brett DeMarco: Are you sure they can be trusted?
Karen runs into the dining room to confront Fitz and Brett about what she heard.
Fitz: What's your problem? Are you jealous that I'm marrying the fair blond and not you?
Brett DeMarco: Let me marry her! I'll show her the time of her life!
Karen: Your excellency! Your excellency! Why did you let those three scoundrels go?
Fitz: Scoundrels? They are entertainers who are also merchants! Who are going to bring me priceless gifts of the sexual kind.
Brett DeMarco: Yes, they are going to bring us a harem maybe!
Karen: Merchants? There those the castaways who claimed to be lawmen!
Fitz: Ahhh, yes. So they are.
Sitting down on his chair. Fitz gets up again in spite and a cantankerous manner.
Fitz: WWHATT?!?! Call out the guards! Call out the guards we'll seach the island.
Karen: You don't have to search the island. They went to the Den of Black Stanley! I listened in on them.
Fitz: Black Stanley? (laughs) What for? What are they going to do with that old loser?
Karen: Please hurry! They'll escape! They have gold to bribe Stanley with.
Fitz: There is no need to hurry take a message!
Brett DeMarco: Sit on my lap when you do.
Karen sits on Brett's lap and Fitz tells her what to write.
Fitz: My Dear Pal Stanley. You are going to have visitors. And I do suggest that you give them some Blue Balls! (laughs evilly)
Karen writes the letter. She gives it to Brett to send to Black Stanley.
Scene 9:
Randall, Kevin, and Dusty have arrived at Black Stanley's Pirate Pen.
Kevin: Well we're here. Now what?
Dusty: Did you forget, already? Even I haven't forgotten this mission!
Randall: We go find Black Stanley and give him the gold! Get on with it!
Walking into Black Stanley's Pirate Pen. Kevin spots a pinball machine.
Kevin: Wow! A pinball machine? In 1650? What is this doing here?
Randall: We haven't got time for that bullshit! We have to do what we were sent here to do!
Kevin remains at the pinball machine. Dusty and Randall walk off to introduce themselves. They see a man that resembles Stanley at the counter.
Randall: Hiya men! We're looking for Black Stanley!
Stanley: Walk the plank you scallywag! Oh I mean, Hello! I am Black Stanley!
Dusty: We found him!
When Randall and Dusty were going to go to Black Stanley they were stopped by three men who looked like Unregistered Earl, Preacher Paul, and Camaro Bob.
Dusty: We have business with Black Stanley.
Randall: Let us through, please.
Unregistered Earl: He's on break right now.
Randall: FUCK!
Preacher Paul: Sorry. He doesn't allow profane language in his place.
Camaro Bob: In the meantime, make yourselves at home, baby.
Stanley: Okay, my breaks over! Carry on men. (sees Randall and Dusty)
Walking over to Randall and Dusty. Stanley introduces himself.
Stanley: You guys are just in time!
Randall: What for?
Pointing to a wooden door with an chalked outline of a person drawn on it.
Stanley: We're going to have ourselves a little target practice! Who wants to see it?
Unregistered Earl, Camaro Bob, and Preacher Paul: Hear Hear!
Stanley (looks at Dusty): Why you look like sharp eyes for throwing knives.
Dusty: Uhhh, yes. Of course I do. I like using knives for cooking, not throwing!
Stanley: Sooo, we'll have a little contest of our own. Say for 50 pieces of gold!
Dusty is astounded when Stanley grabs away the bag of gold.
Stanley: So you going to do it?
Dusty: No! I don't wanna!
Stanley: What was THAT??
Dusty: Sure, I'll be glad to.
Stanley: Get the knives.
Randall goes to get the knives that were embedded in the wooden door. Kevin loses himself in the game of pinball. Kevin scores big.
Kevin: YES! YES! I WIN! I WIN! The Who can sing a rock opera about me!
The pinball makes high pitched sounds until a hammer hits Kevin over the head. The blow to the head has Kevin in a trance. He unwittingly bumps into Black Stanley.
Stanley: What we need here is a real live target! (pulls Kevin by the hair) Ahh, what do you know! A real live volunteer! He'll do.
Kevin: Uhhh, what's going on?
Stanley: You guys will throw the knives at him!
Kevin: Oh no! Please...
Stanley: You have nothing to worry about. If either one of us hits you. We lose.
Kevin: Okay, I guess I can....WHAT?!?!?!
Unregiestered Earl throws Kevin against the door. Randall has the knives. Camaro Bob comes with a plate for Randall and Dusty with better knives.
Camaro Bob: Help yourselves, baby.
Randall: We already have knives. (shows the knives)
Camaro Bob: Those are dull for dramatic effect. These knives are even better.
Dusty and Randall pick a knife. Dusty doesn't notice Kevin being forced on the door.
Randall: Careful you don't hit Kevin.
Dusty: Where is he?
Randall: Over there! (points to Kevin standing at the door)
Kevin (nervously): Go easy on me!!! Whatever you do!
Dusty and Randall see Kevin standing at the wall. On the other side of Black Stanley's Pirate Pen. Gina comes in with a peasent girl disguise with a veil.
Randall: I'll have a fuck later. We're busy.
Gina: It's me. (reveals herself)
Randall: Gina!
Gina: The King found out about our plot. He sent word to Black Stanley to have you killed.
Dusty: Killed! Oh no! We're fucked! (puts a knife in the air in an attempt to stab himself) It's The End! The End...
Randall (stops Dusty from stabbing himself): This is no time for Monty Python sketches!
Gina puts her disguise back on and sneaks away. Unregistered Earl holds Kevin by his shirt collar.
Unregistered Earl: Don't move!
Kevin: Wish I could. I'd love to!
Scene 10:
Black Stanley was getting ready to hit Kevin with knives. Along with Randall and Dusty.
Randall: Is it time?
Stanley: Yes! Remember. Who hits him first loses.
Dusty: Uhh, yeah, We already know that.
Stanley: Let me go first!
Throwing the knife. It hits the door above Kevin's head. Kevin tries to get away, but it stopped by Preacher Paul who pulls a sword on him.
Kevin: Guess I'll stay.....(laughing nervously)
Stanley throws another knife at Kevin that lands next to his chin.
Kevin (groans in anger): I HATE THIS!!!!
Stanley (to Dusty): Now YOU try.
Dusty gets a knife and throws it. Instead of heading in Kevin's direction. The knife flew backwards next to Camaro Bob.
Camaro Bob: At least my penis wasn't cut off.
Stanley (laughs): You missed him.
Randall: Yeah we can see that. (hands Dusty two knives) Do two now.
Dusty throws the knives this time were thrown in Kevin's direction and Kevin dodges them by stepping away from the door.
Kevin: I'm a 1650s version of The Matrix! (tries to sneak away)
Stanley: Get back in position!
Kevin (sputs off): You mean missonary position?!
Randall: You heard what the man said. And drop that fucking attitude!
Going back to the door. Stanley throws another knife it lands next to Kevin's right side on his face. Now it was Dusty's turn to throw a knife.
Dusty (spins around): Here it is....right on time! It's the SSSOOOOUUUULLLL TRAIN! (throws knife)
The knife landed on the other side of Black Stanley's Pirate Den, next to a waitress inside a picture frame. The waitress screams and drops a glass on a sleeping Unregistered Earl. Dusty spins around and throws the other knife that landed on Preacher Paul with blood squirting out.
Preacher Paul: PPPPAAAAIIIIINNNNN!!!!!!
Everyone in Black Stanley's Pirates Den laughs and Dusty throws another knife that cuts down a ceiling fan and lands on two customers. Kevin was relieved that he didn't have to have knives thrown at him anymore.
Stanley: Foul play, hey!
Fitz, Frank, Brett, and Pedro all break into Black Stanley's Pirates Den.
Randall: What do you all want?
Fitz: You thought you can outsmart me, hey?
Kevin: You guys are the guards!!!
Dusty: What are you doing here?
Frank Flipperfist: Why we've come to kill you of course! For escaping execution!
Pedro Pooptooth: Instead we burned up two other guys.
Fitz: You guys aren't entertainers or merchants that promised me a good fuck! You are really those lawmen who washed up on the shore!
Pedro Pooptooth: Try and see if you can get past us!
Randall: Oh! All right! You're on! Dusty! Kevin! Get the knifes!
Scene 11:
A swashbuckling bar fight broke out. Randall was in a knife fight with Fitz. Kevin was knife fighting Frank. Dusty was knife fighting Pedro. Brett was chasing around everyone with a sword. Gimmie Shelter by The Rolling Stones played throughout.
Randall: I'm going to slice up your black ass good!
Fitz: Yeah, I'm going to BUST YOUR FUCKING FACE!
Frank was chasing Kevin, but Kevin seemed to have disappeared. Brett yanks Frank's arm.
Brett DeMarco: Search the area! Find him! (pushes Frank away)
Dusty was fighting with Pedro until Dusty hit Pedro over the head with the handle of the knife.
Brett DeMarco (grabs Pedro and pushes him): Go get him again!
Then Stanley who was behind the bar counter tries to hit Dusty until Gina comes from behind and hits Stanley over the head with a vase. Kevin snuck out from under the pinball machine and pushed a button that made the pinball machine make a high pitched sound and a hammer subdued Frank. Randall and Fitz are still fighting.
Randall (swipes away Fitz's knife): Ha! You're nothing without your fucking knife!
Fitz: I will.....
Before Fitz can attack Randall. Gina was behind the bar and she threw a metal money safe at Fitz's head. Frank, Pedro, and Fitz were defeated but not done yet.
Brett DeMarco: You're all useless! I should've been king! I'll take over from here!
Searching for Randall, Brett doesn't know where he is. Throwing his sword in frustration. Randall caught the sword then jumped into the picture frame. Frank, Fitz, and Pedro were walking around like they were high. Randall was now in the picture frame.
Brett DeMarco: Show yourself! You son of a bitch! Show yourself! Where the fuck did my sword GO!
From inside the picture frame, Randall, hit Fitz, Brett, Frank, and Pedro with a back end of Brett's sword. Fitz, Brett, Frank, and Pedro were all knocked out and possibly dead.
Gina: It's over! We've won!
Randall: Nice work, everybody! That's what I call nice work.
Kevin: We sure adapted well in 1650!
Dusty: This is a clean sweep!
Gina: Now we can take Black Stanley's boat and flee the island before these twat waffles wake up.
Kevin: We need to get going.
Randall: Not a chance everyone! I captured this layout and I'm taking over! Bow down to your new leader! Emperor Randall! And here is our new National Anthem. (singing) PUMP UP THE JAM! PUMP IT UP!
Dusty by accident bumps into the pinball machine that makes the high pitched noise and the hammer landed on Randall's head. Then the words "END SIMULATION" appear in green letters.
Scene 12 Conclusion:
It was morning. Waking up and finds himself back in his bedroom. Randall screamed. Bullet ran off with the dome bowls as fast as he could so Randall, Kevin and Dusty could not notice. Karen had already gone off to work.
Randall (looks all around): I'm back in my own bed. (looks at calendar): I'm back in 2024! No more fucking 1650 Pirate shit!
Kevin (runs into Randall's room): Dad! We're back! Isn't that great!
Randall: Kevin! Did you have the same dream I had?
Kevin: Yes. You me, and Dusty were in the Pirate Age.
Randall: It felt so real. As if we were really there. Like one of those VR headsets.
Kevin: When you had that dream, did you see anyone who looked like the residents here in Paradise?
Randall: Why yes I did. And...
Before Kevin or Randall can talk even furthur. A doorbell rang. Kevin answers it. Dusty was on the other end.
Dusty: Oh Randall! Oh Kevin! I'm so glad we all made it back alive!
Randall: Dusty? Why are you here?
Dusty: I just wanted to tell you the type of dream I had.
Randall: Were you in 1650 Death Island with me and Kevin?
Dusty: Absolutely I was. Fitz was an evil king. There were guards. We were going to be executed. Gina and Karen were servants. Though Gina was on our side. Karen ratted us out to Fitz. We posed as entertainers and sang songs the king didn't like. Then we threw knives at Kevin, after that we went though a bar fight. Everyone in the dream looked like Robbie, Delbert, Brett DeMarco, Frank, and everybody else we know. Hell, we even did some movie and tv references. I even heard that Rolling Stones that goes like, "It's Just A Shot Away! It's Just A Shot Away!"
Randall and Kevin looked at Dusty with fear and fright. What Dusty described was the same dream the three of them had.
Kevin: So we all had the same dream. That sounded like same as mine.
Randall: And mine! How is it that we went back in time...
Dusty: How is it possible?
Randall: I feel like we're in one of those Mystic Places Book commercials from Time Life. I'm so terrified!
Kevin: I'm frightened too. Who or what could've caused this?
Dusty: You think you're all scared. I'm the scaredest scared that's ever scared the scared!
Kevin, Dusty, and Randall were looking into the sky in confusion as well as terror.
In the back alley way at the vacant corner. Bullet set the Dream Time Machine back to the way Hobo Cop had given it to him.
Hobo Cop: So, how did it go?
Bullet: Better than I expected. I got the those dome bowls off their heads fast enough.
Hobo Cop: How did your test subjects do? Who did you use it on?
Bullet: Who else? Randall, Dusty, and Kevin. They were doing great in the year 1650. But toward the end, not very well. Hey, why wasn't I in the dream?
Hobo Cop: Whoever uses it doesn't appear in the dream simulation. Should have told you that before. Sorry.
Bullet: It's fine. Just as well I wasn't in it. Besides, it sure was better than binge watching Our Flags Mean Death.
Hobo Cop: One thing else you should know, everything you saw in the simulation didn't really happen or even matter.
Bullet: Duh, I knew that! It was supposed to be a dream. Meant to confuse Dusty, Kevin, and Randall. I wanted to fuck around with their minds and have a little fun with them.
Hobo Cop: Yes, but think of it this way. Theoretically if someone watched the events of that simulation from start to finish only to find out none of it really happened...I mean don't you think that it wouldn't just be like a giant middle finger to them?
Bullet: Hopefully they would've enjoyed the ride.
Hobo Cop: I don't know man. I think a lot of people would be pissed off if had they seen what you watched in the Dream Machine.
Picking up the Dream Machine, Hobo Cop takes it from Bullet.
Bullet: Hey! What the fuck! You said I can have it!
Hobo Cop: I must destroy this thing to prevent future disappointments. (walks off)
Bullet (calls out): Hey, at least it didn't end like the Sopranos where it just cut to black in mid sen......
The screen goes black words that read EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS. WACO O'GUIN and ROGER BLACK.
THE END
Paradise PD
fanfic title:
Jamming In The Pirate Age
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
In a back alleyway in Paradise. Bullet was walking around late one night hoping to score some drugs. There were no drug dealers to be seen.
Bullet: Son of a bitch! This place is usually chock full of drug drealers before dawn.
Searching high and low in the dark alleys. Bullet came up short.
Bullet: What the fuck is going on? Where have all the drug dealers gone?!
A voice that says, "Psst over here" that gets Bullet's attention. Bullet runs to where he heard the voice.
Bullet: Yes! Finally! About time!
As he stopped running, Bullet runs into Hobo Cop.
Hobo Cop: Hey, Bullet? What are you doing up at this time of night?
Bullet: I want to get some drugs. Why else would I hang around the seedy part of town at night?
Hobo Cop: I have something for you that I think would be better than drugs.
Bullet: What planet are you from, Hobo Cop?! What could possibly be better than drugs!
Hobo Cop: As Aerosmith used to say, "Walk This Way!"
When Bullet follows Hobo Cop, he shows the German Shephard a steel case that was shaped like a bed along with some hoses with dome shaped hair dryers attached. It appears to be two hoses with dome shaped hair dryers.
Hobo Cop: Tah Dah! What do you think?
Bullet: Can you tell me what the fuck this is first?
Hobo Cop: Certainly. You're right you have a right to know. Sorry about that. This is a Dream Time Machine.
Bullet: WHAT?!? There's no such thing! Wait, what? Dream Time Machine? Okay, how exactly does this work?
Hobo Cop: You attach these dome bowls on someone's head when they're sleeping.
Bullet: Go on....
Hobo Cop: Once you do, you go on this table and punch in the keys to type down what time period you want to send someome to.
Bullet: Hmmm, you know. This actually sounds very awesome! I'll take it! How much?
Hobo Cop: It's absoutely free. It's all yours. Use it on whoever you want!
Bullet: Thank you, Hobo Cop! I can go without drugs just this once. This Dream Time Machine looks like it could be interesting!
Hobo Cop hands Bullet the Dream Time Machine. Bullet now has the Dream Time Machine in his posession. As he carries it home with him.
Bullet (walks out of the alleys): Imagine how much fun I can have with this! Question is.....who should I use it on?
Trying to decide who would be the best candidate. Bullet spots Randall's house. He notices Kevin is there too sleeping in his room. Kevin's room has posters of Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, My Hero Academia, Star Wars, Naturo, and Dungeons and Dragons.
Bullet: Perfect! (looks at Kevin's room): Sheesh Kevin! Your room looks more immature than Ewan McGregor's in Trainspotting!
Scene 2:
Sneaking inside Randall's house. Bullet places the dome shaped bowls on Randall's head and then on Kevin's. Bullet soon took notice that there were actually three dome bowls instead of two.
Bullet: Another one? But who should I use this one on? Say I know....
Running out of the Crawford house, unnoticed. Bullet runs over to Dusty's house to put the dome bowl on his head. Sneaking into Dusty's house. Dusty was fast asleep, snoring and mumbling.
Dusty (snores): hmmm, mmmm, mmmmm, Dusty's Chicken Truck......
Placing the dome bowl on Dusty's head then runs out of Dusty's house. Now Bullet was at a vacant corner sitting down next to the steel bed with computer buttons.
Bullet: Oh shit! I'm not sure what time period to send Randall, Kevin, and Dusty to!
Thinking to himself for a minute. Bullet then remembers a pirate movie he watched.
Bullet: I know! I watched the movie Captain Blood with Errol Flynn when I got drunk last weekend. I'll send them to the 1650's!
Typing in 1650 on the steel bed. Bullet then pushes a button. Rising up from the steel bed, there was a computer screen.
Bullet: Wow! Cool! Now I can actually watch them and see how they adjust to the Pirate Age!
Pushing a button, the Dream Time Machine makes a noise with electricity coming out of it.
Bullet: Yes! Yes! Yes! It's working!
The Dream Time Machine shows in the computer screen Kevin, Randall, and Dusty in their Paradise PD uniforms washed up on a beach.
Bullet: Like Bane in The Dark Knight Rises! Let The Games Begin!
Scene 3:
Kevin, Randall, and Dusty were sleeping when they were washed up on the beach. Then they woke up.
Randall: A beach?!?! What the fuck happened to my house and my bedroom?
Kevin: You're right, Dad! We are on a beach!
Dusty: Cheese and Taters! How did we end up here?
Randall: Seems like it's just the three of us. I don't see Stanley, Gina, or Bullet around.
Kevin: Maybe we were brought here for a reason.
Dusty: No sign of Robbie and Delbert either. We need to find out where we are.
Walking around on the beach, away from the water. A sign reads "Death Island".
Kevin: Death Island? I shudder to think what type of death is here.
Randall, Kevin, and Dusty see a palace from far away. A woman that resembled Karen watches from a tower.
Karen: Interlopers! I must warn the king.
Brett DeMarco (grabs her wrist): Hey, we don't pay to you spy! Get back in the woman's quarters at once and wait for me there! (lets go of Karen)
Karen: Yes sir.
Dusty: A palace! Hopefully it's a restaurant!
Randall: Food is all you think about.
Kevin: For Gods Sake Dad! Why do you have to be such an ass about everything?
Dusty: Yeah, Randall. Why can't you be more like those sitcom dads?
Kevin: You wanted a sitcom family too?
Dusty: Sure did! Whenever my Mama used to beat me silly, I always dreamed of living with The Brady Bunch!
Kevin: That's a coincedence! So did I!
Dusty: Hey! The Brady Bunch is my turf! You have to go live with The Partridge Family!
Randall: Enough talking about 1970's sitcoms! Let's find out where we are!
Dusty: Or when we are.
The tone of Randall's voice was loud enough for two palace guards to hear. Who were wearing 1650's guard uniforms. They ran up to Kevin, Randall, and Dusty. The palace guards looked like Marcos Narcos and Russian Mobster. Both were armed with swords.
Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria! Where the fuck did you come from? (points sword)
Russian Mobster: Why are you not dressed like us! (points sword)
Kevin (seeing the guards uniforms): Oh my gosh! Those clothes! What year is this?
Russian Mobster: Why it's the year 1650! 1651....1652...1653....ha ha ha!
Marcos Narcos: Outsiders! Where did you come from?
Russian Mobster and Marcos Narcos will had swords pointed at Randall, Kevin, and Dusty!
Randall: Uhhhhh.......We're from the year...... 2024? We're policemen.
Marcos Narcos: Lawmen you say....
Dusty: We mean no harm, seriously!
Russian Mobster: You come with us!
Marcos Narcos: We show you to the king!
Dusty: ooooh! I hope its a friendly king!
As Randall, Dusty, and Kevin were being grabbed and lead away by the guards. They were questioning why and how they got to the year 1650.
Kevin: 1650! How the fuck did we get here?
Dusty: Maybe we was time warped! You know like from another dimension!
Randall: You've been watching too much Voyagers Dusty!
Kevin: This was before all of us were even born.
Dusty: Oh my gosh! You're right. You mean I haven't even been born?
Kevin: Or me?
Randall: Herbert Hoover and Harry Truman haven't even been born! Come on!
Dusty and Kevin both get slapped by Randall. Then the guards drag all three of them into the throne room.
Scene 4:
In a room that looks like a King's Quarters. Frank Flipperfist and Pedro Pooptooth were dressed like 1650s king's guards. They saluted the king who was Gerald Fitzgerald dressed in 1650's king's clothes. Beside him was Gina who was his servant dressed in a princess style dress.
Frank Flipperfist: Your excellency! Two of our other guards have spotted some strange men.
Pedro Pooptooth: Marcos and the Russian guy are sending them to you, Puto.
Fitz: OKay, I'll bite. You say you found strange men? How many and what makes them unsual?
Frank Flipperfist: Their clothes are different.
Fitz: How many men are there?
Frank Flipperfist: There are three of them.
Pedro Pooptooth: Their clothes looks like they're not from this world. So to speak. They're outside now.
Fitz: Bring them in!
Marcos Narcos and Russian Mobster were pushing Randall, Kevin, and Dusty into the King's Quarters with excessive force.
Fitz (to Gina, Frank, and Pedro): You may leave.
Gina, Frank Flipperfist, and Pedro Pooptooth make their leave. When Marcos Narcos and Russian Mobster were shoving Randall, Kevin, and Dusty. They were protesting with rage.
Randall: You mother fuckers!
Dusty: Take it easy why don't you?
Kevin: What the hell....stop!
Marcos Narcos shoved Randall again.
Randall: You try that once more.
Marco Narcos pushes Randall away.
Randall: I dare you do try that again.
Marcos Narcos pushes Randall away in a more violent fashion.
Randall: Son of a bitch he did it! I'm beginning to hate that shithead!
Fitz: I've never seen men dressed like that. Who the fuck are they supposed to be?
Marcos Narcos: They claim to be lawman or something.
Gina walks back into the room, and immediately starts hitting on Dusty.
Kevin, Dusty, and Randall all do a wolf's whistle.
Fitz: They're lawmen all right.
Dusty: Oh my.
Gina: Hey, who's the hot fat guy? (honks Dusty's nipples then pulls on his penis)
Fitz: Gina! What did I tell you about hitting on fat men! You are supposed to dedicate your life to me! Seize them!
Marcos and Russian Mobster bring Randall, Kevin, and Dusty closer to the King's desk.
Kevin: We mean no harm. We're of no threat!
Fitz: SHUT UP! I'm speaking here! I intend to make gally slaves out of you!
Dusty: Hey, that sounds like fun! Gally is another word for kitchen!
Fitz: But I changed my mind!
Kevin: At least we won't be slaves.
Fitz: For your insolence and my betroth you all shall die! I'll throw you to the tigers!
Randall: Spare us oh great king.
Kevin: Be a sport.
Fitz: You want to be spared?
Randall, Kevin, and Dusty: Yeah!
Fitz: Very well, you may choose the manner in which you will die!
Kevin: That's easy, old age! I'd rather get an STD than die at the hands of you assfuckers! (laughs)
Randall was about to slap Kevin, but Marcos slapped Kevin instead.
Kevin: What's wrong? Can't take a joke?
Randall (to Marcos): Thanks! Just be glad he's not your son!
Fitz: You can choose to get your heads chopped off or burned at the stake!
Dusty: We'll take burning at the stake!
Fitz: Then it's settled. We'll toast them Monday at sundown!
Randall: Why the fuck did you pick Burning At the Stake For?
Dusty: Been watching too much Game Of Thrones I guess! (giggles)
Fitz: Away with them!
Marcos and Russian Mobster drag Randall, Kevin, and Dusty into a dungeon to await their brutal execution.
Scene 5:
Being lead to the dungeon. Randall sees a rotting naked and dead man who resembles Thester Carbomb in one of the cells. This time Frank and Pedro were leading them.
Randall: Shit! Who the hell was THAT?!!
Frank Flipperfist : Oh, that's some sorry ass nobody who tried to escape. He claimed to be a psychiatrist that tried to make the king go straight.
Pedro Pooptooth: He didn't get very far! (laughs)
Kevin and Dusty gulped.
Frank Flipperfist: This way, gentlemen! I'll show you to your suites!
First Kevin gets pushed into the dungeon.
Frank Flipperfist: GET IN THERE!
Kevin: ZOINKS!
Randall and Dusty soon get shoved inside the dungeon.
Frank Flipperfist: GET IN THERE!
Randall and Dusty: NNNNAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
Pedro Pooptooth (locking the dungeon door): We'll see you Monday night, Putos!
Frank Flipperfist: Enjoy your last hours being alive, fuck faces!
Pedro and Frank make their leave as they laugh leaving Randall, Dusty, and Kevin with the fate that was ahead for them. Death!
Kevin: Is it my imagination. Or do all these people seem to look like everyone we know back in Paradise?
Randall: Despite that, nonetheless Kevin. I did notice that.
Dusty: Yeah, me too. That servant girl looked and acted a lot like Gina back home.
Randall: That king looked suspiciously a lot like Fitz!
Kevin: And those guards! Were the Legion of DOOOOM who now work for Lovely Corp.
Randall: All I can say is, maybe they're all our ancestors.
Dusty (looks out barred window): Oh shit! They're gathering wood!
Randall: We the fuck did you have to say that, Dusty!
Kevin: We already know that.
Randall: Come Monday they're going to toast us like marshmallows!
The door to the dungeon opens. It's Gina. She has blood and broken skin from some guards on her hands.
Gina: I busted the guards! I'm here to help you get away!
Kevin: Geez, even in this time period Gina has to have 'Bitch Be Crazy' syndrome.
Dusty: How did you manage to pull that off?
Gina: Easy! My brute strength!
Kevin: Either way, we're glad to see you.
Randall notices a hole in Gina's head.
Gina: Yeah, stare all you want. I have this hole in my head. It's a Brianus. It's a spear that was thrown into my brain when I was a child. Gives me super powers!
Dusty: Why do you want to help us? Aren't you on King Fitz's side?
Gina: I don't really work for him. (whispers) For the past 12 years I've been on a secret undercover mission to take him out!
Dusty: Take him out? You mean like to dinner?
Gina: No! To assassinate his sorry black ass!
Randall: Sure fooled us.
Gina: You haven't heard the worst part. He thinks I'm his fiance. I have to pretend like I'm in love with that twat waffle.
Kevin: You gotta do what you gotta do!
Gina: The king is taking his nap now is the time to go.
Randall: You going to take us though the corridor?
Gina: Afraid not, those guards will mutiliate you all if you tried that.
Kevin: How are we going to get out of here?
Gina: Check under that bed.
Dusty and Randall take off the mattress. Underneath there were axes and saws.
Gina: I saved these for such an occassion. Carry them into the closet.
Randall: Why the closet? I'm not gay.
Gina: The closet has a West Wall that leads to the other side of the palace.
Dusty: What're we waiting for. Let's do it.
Kevin, Randall, and Dusty take the saws and axes into the closet. Gina makes her leave.
Scene 6:
Now, Randall, Kevin, and Dusty were trying to find out where the West Wall of the palace was.
Dusty (points to the walls): Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Randall! You can't go wrong with Randall!
Randall (laughs): Yes thanks! (slaps Dusty): Get busy you pieces of shit!
Trying to use the saws and axes, Randall by mistake hits Kevin with an axe.
Kevin: OOOOOHHH! You harshed my mellow!
Randall: That was your fault! Outta my way!
Then a knock is heard. Kevin opens the closet door. It was Robbie and Delbert dressed in 1650's pirate clothing.
Robbie: Ahoy there maties!
Delbert: Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Dusty: Holy 911! Robbie and Delbert are in the pirate age!
Kevin (gasps): That IS THEM!
Randall: What the fuck do you guys want?
Robbie: We're prisoners of King Fitz too.
Delbert: We've been stuck here for year and years. We want to come with you.
Randall: Not a chance! This is our escape!
Kevin: You gotta excuse my Dad, he's one of those every man for himself types.
Robbie: Oh come on! You can't be serious!
Delbert: You ain't gonna leave us here to rot are you?
Robbie: You would not believe how bad the prison sex is in here!
Delbert: The guards are so strict they make us fuck goats and never let us have prostitutes!
Robbie: We're into hot whores!
Delbert: Not beastiality!
Randall gets an idea.
Kevin: You going to help them too?
Randall: Sure, you can come with us. Close your eyes.
Robbie and Delbert close their eyes. Randall and Dusty then carry both Robbie and Delbert and bump their heads into the wall. Which caused a the wall of the closet to break into a human sized hole.
Kevin: We're free!
Randall: We didnt need the tools after all!
Dusty: What are we going to do about them?
Robbie and Delbert were knocked out cold. Randall and Dusty threw them both into the dungeon. The guards Frank and Pedro grabbed Robbie and Delbert thinking they were Randall, Dusty, and Kevin.
Pedro Pooptooth: We changed our minds, puto!
Frank Flipperfist: We're burning you now!
Kevin: They think Robbie and Delbert are us! Good plan Dad!
Randall: Hahahaha! Without me where would we be?
Dusty: Now they're going to be burned at the stake instead of us!
Randall: Shut your fucking pie holes now! We got work to do!
Kevin: Yes, like getting back to our own time.
Dusty, Randall, and Kevin were walking along the West Wall of the Palace. Gina came to them to give them a change of clothes.
Gina: I broke the bones of some vagrants and puritans to get you clothes for you! (hands Dusty some clothes): Here something for you in your size.
Scene 7:
Back in Paradise 2024. Bullet was watching the whole thing unfold.
Bullet: They seem to be doing pretty well for themselves. Let's see how this plays out!
In 1650, Randall and Kevin were now wearing pirate clothes. Dusty however was dressed up like a monk. The three of them were being lead by Gina going down the stairs.
Randall: Dusty! Why aren't you dressed like the rest of us?
Dusty: This is the only thing she can find that fits me.
Gina: If you want the truth, I ravaged a fat monk for that outfit. I think it looks sexy!
Kevin: He looks like Friar Carl from Van Helsing.
Dusty (scoffs): Geez, Kevin. I thought were you supposed to be the nice one.
Gina was soon stopped by the King's head guard. A man who resembled Brett DeMarco from before. Karen from earlier was listening in from behind a curtain.
Karen (thinking to herself): When I expose this traitor, Fitz will want my hand in marriage.
For as long as Karen and Gina worked for King Fitz. Karen has always harbored a jealous hatred towards Gina because King Fitz finds her better looking and already made her his fiance.
Brett DeMarco: Halt! Who goes there?
Kevin: That guy looks like Brett DeMarco.
Brett DeMarco: Who are these people you bring to see King Fitzgerald?
Gina: Uhhh, they're entertainers.
Brett DeMarco: All right. I'll take them to see the king.
Gina, Kevin, Dusty, and Randall are following Brett DeMarco to the dining room where the King was eating dinner. Karen ran upstairs.
Dusty: Hey, you going Up The Down Staircase? (laughs) Get it?
Karen looks at Dusty with contempt then disappears.
Brett DeMarco: Wait here until I get the King's approval. (walks off)
Gina: This is the plan. As soon as you get out of here. Go to Black Stanley's Pirate Den. (hands Randall a bag) These are 50 pieces of gold. With it you can bribe Black Stanley get us off of this fucking island.
Randall: Okay, right.
Gina shushes when Brett DeMarco comes back.
Brett DeMarco: The King gave me the okay while he was eating his supper. He may see you now.
Following Brett. They were all stopped by Frank and Pedro.
Frank Flipperfist: Wait! Who are these men?
Gina: I can explain. These are entertainers for the King. They also bring gifts too.
Dusty shows them a golden watch.
Pedro Pooptooth: Since you're all with Brett, you're free to see the King, Putos.
Frank and Pedro let them all go into the King's Dining Room.
Fitz was at a table eating his dinner. Looking up from his table he sees Brett, Gina, Randall, Kevin, and Dusty.
Brett DeMarco: Your highness. These men were brought to entertain you.
Fitz: I demand to see some proof.
Gina: Yes your excellency. (bows): These men indeed are entertainers and they come bearing gifts.
Fitz: What are their names?
Randall: I'm the Rajah of Crawfordsky!
Gina (to Kevin): Present yourself.
Kevin: I'm the Gin of Rummy!
Gina (to Dusty): And you...
Dusty: Friar Marlowe! (hands in prayer position and gibbering nonsense)
Fitz: What the fuck is he doing?
Kevin: Seems like he's speaking in tongue!
Dusty: This is what we monks do before they go into battle.
Fitz: Can we dispense with the formailities and make with the gifts?
Randall: Oh yes! Gifts! Of course! Get the gifts!
Fitz: What priceless gifts do you all bring?
Randall takes out a red heart shaped sucker.
Fitz: (gasps): A ruby!
Randall hands Fitz the sucker.
Fitz: A ruby as large as a turkey's egg!
Randall: The Ruby De Lovely Popsi!
Dusty: It's raspberry!
Fitz: Wow! What fire! I have many pigeon blood rubies but never have I been given the raspberry!
Kevin (takes out a pen): Here is my gift.
Fitz (gasps in surprise): A tusk of a black walrus.
Randall: That's right! Guaranteed forever!
Kevin: If you should live so long!
Dusty: One more gift.
Taking out a used soiled condom from his pocket, Dusty hands it to Fitz.
Fitz: What is this you speak of?
Dusty: A Master of Bates!
Fitz (gasps): Amazing! Love it! I'll have to try this "Master Of Bates" on myself! (claps hands) Okay. I'm ready for the entertainment now.
Brett DeMarco (points a sword): You guys better be good.
Scene 8:
Randall, Dusty, and Kevin are trying to come up with something to entertain the King.
Kevin: We should sing a song.
Dusty: Do we know of any songs from 1650? I sure as hell don't.
Randall: I got one. Just follow my lead! (whispers to Dusty and Kevin): We'll do that song from Robin And The Seven Hoods. Mr. Booze. You fellas know that one don't you? OKay! Kick it off!
Kevin and Dusty: (harmonizing): HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Randall (singing): Mr. Booze!
Kevin and Dusty: (singing and harmonizing) HOOOOOOOOO! Mr Booze!
Randall (singing): Mr. Booze! Mr B Double O..Z...E...
Kevin and Dusty (singing): That sure spells Booze!
Gina was impressed with their singing. Fitz and Brett were not. Kevin and Dusty start clapping.
Randall (singing): You Will Wind Up Wearing Tattered Shoes If You Mess With Mr. Booze!
Kevin and Dusty (singing): Don't Mess With Mr. Booze! (clapping) Don't Mess With Mr. Booze!
Fitz (stands up from the table): Enough! I happen to like alcohol!
Brett DeMarco: Yes, we find your song offensive!
Fitz: Sing me something better.
Kevin: Okay, fine. Anything to please the King!
Randall, Dusty, and Kevin (singing together): Brigadoon! Brigadoon! Blooming Under Sable Skies...Brigadoon....
Fitz: That's even worse! Get out! Gina! Get them out of here, at once!
Gina was going to escort them out. Randall stops her.
Randall: Wait! Wait! Give us another chance.
Fitz: I'll allow it.
Kevin: Instead of song, we have something better to offer.
Dusty: Tell him.
Randall: In my domain in the islands of Para and Dise. There's some fair harlots who prowl though the meadows day and night. If you give us until sun up! We will bring some back by sundown.
Fitz: That's even better! On your way with winged penises! (to Gina): Go back to the servants quarters with you.
Randall, Dusty, and Kevin ran out of the dining room. Gina secretly follows Randall, Dusty, and Kevin.
Brett DeMarco: Are you sure they can be trusted?
Karen runs into the dining room to confront Fitz and Brett about what she heard.
Fitz: What's your problem? Are you jealous that I'm marrying the fair blond and not you?
Brett DeMarco: Let me marry her! I'll show her the time of her life!
Karen: Your excellency! Your excellency! Why did you let those three scoundrels go?
Fitz: Scoundrels? They are entertainers who are also merchants! Who are going to bring me priceless gifts of the sexual kind.
Brett DeMarco: Yes, they are going to bring us a harem maybe!
Karen: Merchants? There those the castaways who claimed to be lawmen!
Fitz: Ahhh, yes. So they are.
Sitting down on his chair. Fitz gets up again in spite and a cantankerous manner.
Fitz: WWHATT?!?! Call out the guards! Call out the guards we'll seach the island.
Karen: You don't have to search the island. They went to the Den of Black Stanley! I listened in on them.
Fitz: Black Stanley? (laughs) What for? What are they going to do with that old loser?
Karen: Please hurry! They'll escape! They have gold to bribe Stanley with.
Fitz: There is no need to hurry take a message!
Brett DeMarco: Sit on my lap when you do.
Karen sits on Brett's lap and Fitz tells her what to write.
Fitz: My Dear Pal Stanley. You are going to have visitors. And I do suggest that you give them some Blue Balls! (laughs evilly)
Karen writes the letter. She gives it to Brett to send to Black Stanley.
Scene 9:
Randall, Kevin, and Dusty have arrived at Black Stanley's Pirate Pen.
Kevin: Well we're here. Now what?
Dusty: Did you forget, already? Even I haven't forgotten this mission!
Randall: We go find Black Stanley and give him the gold! Get on with it!
Walking into Black Stanley's Pirate Pen. Kevin spots a pinball machine.
Kevin: Wow! A pinball machine? In 1650? What is this doing here?
Randall: We haven't got time for that bullshit! We have to do what we were sent here to do!
Kevin remains at the pinball machine. Dusty and Randall walk off to introduce themselves. They see a man that resembles Stanley at the counter.
Randall: Hiya men! We're looking for Black Stanley!
Stanley: Walk the plank you scallywag! Oh I mean, Hello! I am Black Stanley!
Dusty: We found him!
When Randall and Dusty were going to go to Black Stanley they were stopped by three men who looked like Unregistered Earl, Preacher Paul, and Camaro Bob.
Dusty: We have business with Black Stanley.
Randall: Let us through, please.
Unregistered Earl: He's on break right now.
Randall: FUCK!
Preacher Paul: Sorry. He doesn't allow profane language in his place.
Camaro Bob: In the meantime, make yourselves at home, baby.
Stanley: Okay, my breaks over! Carry on men. (sees Randall and Dusty)
Walking over to Randall and Dusty. Stanley introduces himself.
Stanley: You guys are just in time!
Randall: What for?
Pointing to a wooden door with an chalked outline of a person drawn on it.
Stanley: We're going to have ourselves a little target practice! Who wants to see it?
Unregistered Earl, Camaro Bob, and Preacher Paul: Hear Hear!
Stanley (looks at Dusty): Why you look like sharp eyes for throwing knives.
Dusty: Uhhh, yes. Of course I do. I like using knives for cooking, not throwing!
Stanley: Sooo, we'll have a little contest of our own. Say for 50 pieces of gold!
Dusty is astounded when Stanley grabs away the bag of gold.
Stanley: So you going to do it?
Dusty: No! I don't wanna!
Stanley: What was THAT??
Dusty: Sure, I'll be glad to.
Stanley: Get the knives.
Randall goes to get the knives that were embedded in the wooden door. Kevin loses himself in the game of pinball. Kevin scores big.
Kevin: YES! YES! I WIN! I WIN! The Who can sing a rock opera about me!
The pinball makes high pitched sounds until a hammer hits Kevin over the head. The blow to the head has Kevin in a trance. He unwittingly bumps into Black Stanley.
Stanley: What we need here is a real live target! (pulls Kevin by the hair) Ahh, what do you know! A real live volunteer! He'll do.
Kevin: Uhhh, what's going on?
Stanley: You guys will throw the knives at him!
Kevin: Oh no! Please...
Stanley: You have nothing to worry about. If either one of us hits you. We lose.
Kevin: Okay, I guess I can....WHAT?!?!?!
Unregiestered Earl throws Kevin against the door. Randall has the knives. Camaro Bob comes with a plate for Randall and Dusty with better knives.
Camaro Bob: Help yourselves, baby.
Randall: We already have knives. (shows the knives)
Camaro Bob: Those are dull for dramatic effect. These knives are even better.
Dusty and Randall pick a knife. Dusty doesn't notice Kevin being forced on the door.
Randall: Careful you don't hit Kevin.
Dusty: Where is he?
Randall: Over there! (points to Kevin standing at the door)
Kevin (nervously): Go easy on me!!! Whatever you do!
Dusty and Randall see Kevin standing at the wall. On the other side of Black Stanley's Pirate Pen. Gina comes in with a peasent girl disguise with a veil.
Randall: I'll have a fuck later. We're busy.
Gina: It's me. (reveals herself)
Randall: Gina!
Gina: The King found out about our plot. He sent word to Black Stanley to have you killed.
Dusty: Killed! Oh no! We're fucked! (puts a knife in the air in an attempt to stab himself) It's The End! The End...
Randall (stops Dusty from stabbing himself): This is no time for Monty Python sketches!
Gina puts her disguise back on and sneaks away. Unregistered Earl holds Kevin by his shirt collar.
Unregistered Earl: Don't move!
Kevin: Wish I could. I'd love to!
Scene 10:
Black Stanley was getting ready to hit Kevin with knives. Along with Randall and Dusty.
Randall: Is it time?
Stanley: Yes! Remember. Who hits him first loses.
Dusty: Uhh, yeah, We already know that.
Stanley: Let me go first!
Throwing the knife. It hits the door above Kevin's head. Kevin tries to get away, but it stopped by Preacher Paul who pulls a sword on him.
Kevin: Guess I'll stay.....(laughing nervously)
Stanley throws another knife at Kevin that lands next to his chin.
Kevin (groans in anger): I HATE THIS!!!!
Stanley (to Dusty): Now YOU try.
Dusty gets a knife and throws it. Instead of heading in Kevin's direction. The knife flew backwards next to Camaro Bob.
Camaro Bob: At least my penis wasn't cut off.
Stanley (laughs): You missed him.
Randall: Yeah we can see that. (hands Dusty two knives) Do two now.
Dusty throws the knives this time were thrown in Kevin's direction and Kevin dodges them by stepping away from the door.
Kevin: I'm a 1650s version of The Matrix! (tries to sneak away)
Stanley: Get back in position!
Kevin (sputs off): You mean missonary position?!
Randall: You heard what the man said. And drop that fucking attitude!
Going back to the door. Stanley throws another knife it lands next to Kevin's right side on his face. Now it was Dusty's turn to throw a knife.
Dusty (spins around): Here it is....right on time! It's the SSSOOOOUUUULLLL TRAIN! (throws knife)
The knife landed on the other side of Black Stanley's Pirate Den, next to a waitress inside a picture frame. The waitress screams and drops a glass on a sleeping Unregistered Earl. Dusty spins around and throws the other knife that landed on Preacher Paul with blood squirting out.
Preacher Paul: PPPPAAAAIIIIINNNNN!!!!!!
Everyone in Black Stanley's Pirates Den laughs and Dusty throws another knife that cuts down a ceiling fan and lands on two customers. Kevin was relieved that he didn't have to have knives thrown at him anymore.
Stanley: Foul play, hey!
Fitz, Frank, Brett, and Pedro all break into Black Stanley's Pirates Den.
Randall: What do you all want?
Fitz: You thought you can outsmart me, hey?
Kevin: You guys are the guards!!!
Dusty: What are you doing here?
Frank Flipperfist: Why we've come to kill you of course! For escaping execution!
Pedro Pooptooth: Instead we burned up two other guys.
Fitz: You guys aren't entertainers or merchants that promised me a good fuck! You are really those lawmen who washed up on the shore!
Pedro Pooptooth: Try and see if you can get past us!
Randall: Oh! All right! You're on! Dusty! Kevin! Get the knifes!
Scene 11:
A swashbuckling bar fight broke out. Randall was in a knife fight with Fitz. Kevin was knife fighting Frank. Dusty was knife fighting Pedro. Brett was chasing around everyone with a sword. Gimmie Shelter by The Rolling Stones played throughout.
Randall: I'm going to slice up your black ass good!
Fitz: Yeah, I'm going to BUST YOUR FUCKING FACE!
Frank was chasing Kevin, but Kevin seemed to have disappeared. Brett yanks Frank's arm.
Brett DeMarco: Search the area! Find him! (pushes Frank away)
Dusty was fighting with Pedro until Dusty hit Pedro over the head with the handle of the knife.
Brett DeMarco (grabs Pedro and pushes him): Go get him again!
Then Stanley who was behind the bar counter tries to hit Dusty until Gina comes from behind and hits Stanley over the head with a vase. Kevin snuck out from under the pinball machine and pushed a button that made the pinball machine make a high pitched sound and a hammer subdued Frank. Randall and Fitz are still fighting.
Randall (swipes away Fitz's knife): Ha! You're nothing without your fucking knife!
Fitz: I will.....
Before Fitz can attack Randall. Gina was behind the bar and she threw a metal money safe at Fitz's head. Frank, Pedro, and Fitz were defeated but not done yet.
Brett DeMarco: You're all useless! I should've been king! I'll take over from here!
Searching for Randall, Brett doesn't know where he is. Throwing his sword in frustration. Randall caught the sword then jumped into the picture frame. Frank, Fitz, and Pedro were walking around like they were high. Randall was now in the picture frame.
Brett DeMarco: Show yourself! You son of a bitch! Show yourself! Where the fuck did my sword GO!
From inside the picture frame, Randall, hit Fitz, Brett, Frank, and Pedro with a back end of Brett's sword. Fitz, Brett, Frank, and Pedro were all knocked out and possibly dead.
Gina: It's over! We've won!
Randall: Nice work, everybody! That's what I call nice work.
Kevin: We sure adapted well in 1650!
Dusty: This is a clean sweep!
Gina: Now we can take Black Stanley's boat and flee the island before these twat waffles wake up.
Kevin: We need to get going.
Randall: Not a chance everyone! I captured this layout and I'm taking over! Bow down to your new leader! Emperor Randall! And here is our new National Anthem. (singing) PUMP UP THE JAM! PUMP IT UP!
Dusty by accident bumps into the pinball machine that makes the high pitched noise and the hammer landed on Randall's head. Then the words "END SIMULATION" appear in green letters.
Scene 12 Conclusion:
It was morning. Waking up and finds himself back in his bedroom. Randall screamed. Bullet ran off with the dome bowls as fast as he could so Randall, Kevin and Dusty could not notice. Karen had already gone off to work.
Randall (looks all around): I'm back in my own bed. (looks at calendar): I'm back in 2024! No more fucking 1650 Pirate shit!
Kevin (runs into Randall's room): Dad! We're back! Isn't that great!
Randall: Kevin! Did you have the same dream I had?
Kevin: Yes. You me, and Dusty were in the Pirate Age.
Randall: It felt so real. As if we were really there. Like one of those VR headsets.
Kevin: When you had that dream, did you see anyone who looked like the residents here in Paradise?
Randall: Why yes I did. And...
Before Kevin or Randall can talk even furthur. A doorbell rang. Kevin answers it. Dusty was on the other end.
Dusty: Oh Randall! Oh Kevin! I'm so glad we all made it back alive!
Randall: Dusty? Why are you here?
Dusty: I just wanted to tell you the type of dream I had.
Randall: Were you in 1650 Death Island with me and Kevin?
Dusty: Absolutely I was. Fitz was an evil king. There were guards. We were going to be executed. Gina and Karen were servants. Though Gina was on our side. Karen ratted us out to Fitz. We posed as entertainers and sang songs the king didn't like. Then we threw knives at Kevin, after that we went though a bar fight. Everyone in the dream looked like Robbie, Delbert, Brett DeMarco, Frank, and everybody else we know. Hell, we even did some movie and tv references. I even heard that Rolling Stones that goes like, "It's Just A Shot Away! It's Just A Shot Away!"
Randall and Kevin looked at Dusty with fear and fright. What Dusty described was the same dream the three of them had.
Kevin: So we all had the same dream. That sounded like same as mine.
Randall: And mine! How is it that we went back in time...
Dusty: How is it possible?
Randall: I feel like we're in one of those Mystic Places Book commercials from Time Life. I'm so terrified!
Kevin: I'm frightened too. Who or what could've caused this?
Dusty: You think you're all scared. I'm the scaredest scared that's ever scared the scared!
Kevin, Dusty, and Randall were looking into the sky in confusion as well as terror.
In the back alley way at the vacant corner. Bullet set the Dream Time Machine back to the way Hobo Cop had given it to him.
Hobo Cop: So, how did it go?
Bullet: Better than I expected. I got the those dome bowls off their heads fast enough.
Hobo Cop: How did your test subjects do? Who did you use it on?
Bullet: Who else? Randall, Dusty, and Kevin. They were doing great in the year 1650. But toward the end, not very well. Hey, why wasn't I in the dream?
Hobo Cop: Whoever uses it doesn't appear in the dream simulation. Should have told you that before. Sorry.
Bullet: It's fine. Just as well I wasn't in it. Besides, it sure was better than binge watching Our Flags Mean Death.
Hobo Cop: One thing else you should know, everything you saw in the simulation didn't really happen or even matter.
Bullet: Duh, I knew that! It was supposed to be a dream. Meant to confuse Dusty, Kevin, and Randall. I wanted to fuck around with their minds and have a little fun with them.
Hobo Cop: Yes, but think of it this way. Theoretically if someone watched the events of that simulation from start to finish only to find out none of it really happened...I mean don't you think that it wouldn't just be like a giant middle finger to them?
Bullet: Hopefully they would've enjoyed the ride.
Hobo Cop: I don't know man. I think a lot of people would be pissed off if had they seen what you watched in the Dream Machine.
Picking up the Dream Machine, Hobo Cop takes it from Bullet.
Bullet: Hey! What the fuck! You said I can have it!
Hobo Cop: I must destroy this thing to prevent future disappointments. (walks off)
Bullet (calls out): Hey, at least it didn't end like the Sopranos where it just cut to black in mid sen......
The screen goes black words that read EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS. WACO O'GUIN and ROGER BLACK.
THE END
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