Categories > Anime/Manga > Naruto > Devotion
Chapter 12: Departure
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"You know that I'll be gone when you wake up tomorrow," he whispered.
"I know...and I'll be waiting when you get back."
He finally managed to roll off of her and crawl to his resting place, and she went with him, sliding under the covers and letting him pull her into his arms, curling up comfortably.
----
The small apartment was quiet as Kakashi dragged himself out of bed and gathered up his things, trying not to wake Sakura. He wanted so badly to just forget about the mission and stay...but he had to trust that Tsunade would make sure Sakura was safe. The Hokage had made that promise herself, and Kakashi knew that he had to believe in her.
He leant over her and placed a warm hand to the side of her face, kissing her softly, before walking out the door.
It was a foggy morning, and Konoha was shrouded in mist as Kakashi walked towards Sakura's house to leave her a gift. It was something he'd thought up just that morning - as if he actually would've planned something - and he'd had to force himself to remember to drop it off. He was in and out in just a few minutes, leaving the package on the couch.
Afterwards he made his way to the village gates. It was there that he would meet his client and the nin that would be accompanying him. For some reason they were both remaining anonymous - he would know only their names - but he was accustomed to it in this business. It made him think of Sakura...what had she done to where he'd fallen so hard for her? Kakashi didn't have a clue.
Soon he could make out vague figures close by. A woman in a traveler's cloak, with a cascade of long, dark hair down her back, stood further inside Konoha, while a nin in an ANBU uniform stood at the gates with his arms crossed, staring right at Kakashi. The copy nin knew that the ANBU had probably realized he was there long before he could actually see this intruder...just as Kakashi had sensed this foreign ANBU. This just promised danger, and it made him hope that Sakura would be alright if he...
No. He couldn't think that way if he wanted to return.
He'd committed himself to Sakura, not only in mind and spirit, but in body as well, and it was impossible for him to leave her alone now. He'd felt a strong connection with her before, but after their union last night the connection was stronger than ever.
The foreign ANBU turned towards Kakashi as he drew closer, and Kakashi looked at the man warily. This guy was big...muscles bulged out of his uniform, and his surly face promised no mercy to his enemies. Kakashi definitely wouldn't want to be going up against him anytime soon - granted, looks could be deceiving, as Kakashi himself was quite strong but looked tall and lanky - and he hoped he wouldn't have to.
The woman in the traveler's cloak, who he supposed was the client, looked up a moment later. She was obviously scared, but Kakashi didn't know why she'd requested him specifically for the job. He didn't recognize her at all.
"Hatake Kakashi?" the ANBU asked. Kakashi nodded in response and the ANBU continued. "I'm Kiyoshi Seiko...and this is Kiyoshi Yuu." Kakashi raised a questioning eyebrow and the man, who apparently called himself Kiyoshi, quickly explained that they were siblings. Kakashi could see the resemblance easily now; their dark hair and eyes were the same.
"So what are we doing here? I wasn't given many of the details," Kakashi drawled. His lack of sleep was catching up with him already, and he knew that he would be miserable for the day. He hoped he could put it from his mind, along with the ache that was already developing for Sakura.
Yuu finally spoke, and Kakashi was surprised at her voice. Her height made her seem older, but she had the high, flute-like voice of a young girl. "I thought I would hire you because there's someone after me...I'm not at liberty to say who that person is. But I need protection, and my brother was not adequate enough. We need you for stealth and to help keep us hidden."
Kakashi had to wonder who these people were. Yuu couldn't be more than sixteen, and Seiko only seemed to be a few years older, even though he was ANBU. The boy must have been some kind of a genius...
"So I shouldn't ask any more questions?" he finally said.
"It would be appreciated," Seiko replied roughly.
"Mm." It was going to be a long, boring, and tiring day. Luckily, he had Icha Icha in his pocket. He hoped Sakura knew that she was in his thoughts...even if they weren't the cleanest ones.
----
Sakura barely even moved, watching Kakashi through her eyelashes as he moved around and quietly picked up his things. She didn't seem to realize that he was leaving...until she finally murmured a goodbye the moment after he'd walked out the door.
When she woke up again in Kakashi's big, comfortable bed, it took her a moment to come to terms with the fact that he was...gone. She would have no physical contact with him for a month...and probably no communication either. Her chest twisted painfully. And then she cried.
The tears eventually stopped pouring out of her eyes, and she finally got up, picking up her clothes on the way to the bathroom. She inspected her body carefully in the mirror...no bruises or cuts this time. And there was still no sign that she was pregnant. She kept on expecting to walk in and see her belly already swollen with pregnancy, although she knew it was impossible. She brushed her hair back from her face and got dressed, then picked up her things and left.
Another hot shower cleansed her of her fears. It was scary that she would be alone here...not really alone, of course, but there was nobody that was completely on her side. Naruto had other things to worry about - Hinata and his own life as a Jounin - of course Tsunade was busy...and Sasuke refused to relent. It seemed like he couldn't come to terms with the fact that she didn't love him anymore...and she always got so nervous around him. He would probably be making unexpected visits to the house too...she would need to move around a lot.
She didn't even know if Kakashi expected her to do something with the house. He'd left all of his things completely unguarded...of course, he didn't have much anyway. Sakura thought that she might go and throw away all the leftovers that would go to waste without him, but she didn't know what else needed doing. The treasure trove of Kakashi's past (the closet in the hall) was locked up again, and the only things he had left were the complete collection of the Icha Icha books, a few pieces of furniture, and some pictures of his old team and Team 7. And who would want to steal any of those things? Should she stay there? Where would she be staying anyway? She didn't want to be alone.
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Naruto was snoring again, and it hadn't helped with Sasuke's sleeping at all. He tossed and turned every night as he tried to rest, unable to get through the infernal racket whose source was Naruto.
But that night, the sounds all went away.
He was there in the Uchiha manor again.
Sasuke was beginning to dread this place. This wasn't the home that he had once shared with his parents, back when they had been happy...back when he hadn't been driven by revenge. This place was evil. It seemed like another side of him rested here until he slept, ready to pounce on him and plague him with nightmares. There was no refuge for Sasuke; during the day he was filled with jealousy and lust for Sakura, people whispering behind his back...and at night he was here.
This place was where all of his insecurities and evil thoughts came to the surface. Sasuke drowned in all the negativity in his mind, and he couldn't escape from it. Every time that someone tried to help, he pushed them away, and he just couldn't stop. There was no way that Sakura would ever forgive him now...after all that he had said and done, how could she? Sasuke knew that he had been a complete jackass to her, and to everyone. Of course, he hadn't raped anyone else in Konoha...
At the thought of the rape...being with Sakura...Sasuke's eyes involuntarily wandered to the bed. This other side of him was suggesting something that Sasuke didn't want to understand. He desperately pushed it from his mind, but the images from previous nightmares flitted through his vision as he looked for solace in the darkness of the big house. He imagined himself having his way with Sakura on that bed, whether she consented or not. It was ingrained in his mind now, and he couldn't push it out.
Sweat beaded on his body as he snapped out of his dreams, gasping for breath. The seal burned, just like always.
'There is nothing wrong with me...nothing wrong...' he chanted to himself silently. He got up and, ignoring the pain, walked to the bathroom and stared into the mirror.
His eyes had turned green.
A concerned and drowsy mumble came from the other room and Sasuke jumped at the sound of Naruto's voice, slamming the door shut. Naruto couldn't see this...there was nothing wrong with him, damn it!
Sssasuke... a voice whispered. The Uchiha's eyes widened and his voice came out in a hoarse whisper.
"No."
He returned to his place on the couch warily, but Orochimaru's voice didn't appear again. Sasuke was thankful when the morning finally came, and he immediately headed to the Hokage's office, not even waking Naruto.
----
The hospital was already buzzing with activity in the early hours of the morning, and it was comforting to be there after such a terrible night. Sasuke uneasily took a seat outside of Tsunade's office, his eyes jumping from place to place. Nobody seemed to be interested in him, however, so he tried his best to relax.
The door finally opened and a strong alto voice called his name from inside. He got up unsteadily, his posture reflecting how much sleep he'd gotten the night before, and walked inside.
Tsunade glanced up at him and then back to her desk, signing a piece of paper in her quick scrawl. "I'm glad you came...I was going to have to get you here sometime today anyway." Sasuke raised his eyebrows at her questioningly and she continued. "I had a visit from Kakashi yesterday. He was concerned about Sakura. I'm guessing you know about the two of them?"
Sasuke frowned and she sighed. "I guess that's a yes...anyway, I told him that you wouldn't be alone with Sakura while he was gone."
His eyebrows shot up into his bangs. "Hokage, she's carrying my child-"
"She doesn't want you around her," Tsunade interrupted, glaring at him, "And I suggest that you listen to me and give Sakura space."
"I understand why she would be afraid of her...but I can't see her at all?"
"While someone else is there, you can...someone like Naruto or Hinata, one of her friends. But if she's at all uncomfortable with your presence, you need to let her be." The conversation was obviously over; Tsunade clasped her hands in front of her and kept talking. "Now, why is it that you wanted to see me?"
The room was suddenly very quiet. The Hokage cleared her throat, asking him again what he wanted to talk about.
"It's...I've been having some very disturbing dreams."
"And why do I need to know about this...?"
"The seal is very painful when I wake up," he continued, "And last night...last night I think I heard Orochimaru's voice in my head."
She frowned, and Sasuke almost thought that he saw fear pass over her face before she abruptly got up and stood behind him, moving over the collar of his shirt to see where Sakura had formed the seal. When she sat down again, there was obvious relief in her expression.
"It doesn't look like there's anything wrong," Tsunade said, "Now, Sasuke...it may be that you're paranoid now. You've been through a lot, and it wouldn't be that strange for you to have delusions like this. I can't see anything wrong with the seal. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I have a lot of work to do."
He stood, but she caught him once more before he left.
"And please leave Sakura alone."
Sasuke nodded before walking out of the door.
----
A couple hours had passed since sunrise when Kakashi's group finally spoke again. He'd thought that he'd feel like a babysitter when he first met the two, but he quickly learned that they were quiet and business-like with him. Yuu seemed to be embarrassed by her voice, and Kakashi didn't think that Seiko was much of a talker anyway. Oh well, neither was he.
He missed and worried for Sakura already. If Sasuke so much as went near her while he was gone...he would kill the boy himself. Of course, Sasuke wasn't really a boy anymore.
What would they do if Sasuke was possessed by Orochimaru again, anyway? If Kakashi wasn't there to protect Sakura when - if - that happened, he didn't know what he would do.
The brother and sister walked quietly in front of him, sometimes murmuring to each other, but never to the older nin. He couldn't even hear them, they were so far ahead, and he guessed that they didn't want him to. Icha Icha Paradise had been in his hand since they left the village, and he couldn't help but put a certain kunoichi in the place of the busty blondes of Icha Icha.
Seiko was the one that eventually suggested they stop for breakfast, and the group got closer together as they walked into a small inn in the closest village. Kakashi slipped Icha Icha back into his pocket and Yuu glanced at it, her brow creased. "What are you reading?"
He feigned deafness, looking towards her lazily. "Hm?"
"It's one of those books, isn't it..." A hint of a smile crossed her face. "You don't have to hide that from us...we know all about you."
Seiko motioned her over and she cast one last look at him before going to her brother.
Maybe the two of them had gone a little overboard with their research...wherever they came from.
But, of course, he wasn't worried about it. His mind was still revolving around Sakura back in Konoha, worrying about whether she would be alright or not. The two didn't seem suspicious at all...
Right?
Soon they were on the road again, and Kakashi had completely forgotten about the strange incident in the inn. His thoughts were in Konoha; they'd just passed the village where he'd found Sakura after she was taken from the hospital the night after their first kiss. He remembered everything about that day vividly...he'd felt more emotion for her in those two days than he had in years. The passion and then the fear had been so strong...
A month. It was time to start counting the days.
----
Sasuke wandered the streets of Konoha that day, saying hello to only a few people...because only a few actually greeted him. Most of the girls now seemed to fear him, or didn't see the attractive young man that so many girls had fallen in love with all those years ago. Things had changed in town...all the girls that had had a crush on him were now married women, or successful kunoichi.
Uchiha Sasuke hadn't changed along with Konoha. He'd been absent far too long...and things had evolved too far without him. He'd lost Sakura's love...Sakura had lost Naruto's romantic affections...the team had gotten so close that there was no way for Sasuke to find a way back in now. He had noticed so many times that they were like a family, and that he was on the outside, looking in. There was a glass wall between them; he saw them, but he couldn't touch them.
After all that he'd done, maybe he deserved to die. Suicide jutsus that he'd learned for the most dangerous missions flashed through his mind, but he quickly shook them off. He would be a father soon, and there was no way he would leave his heir to be raised by people not in the Uchiha line.
Would the child be confused? It would be so hard to tell...when both fathers had the Sharingan, the Uchiha bloodline trait, would Sasuke's child think more of Kakashi as his father? The dark-haired man didn't know what kind of a father he would be, while he knew that Kakashi's fatherly traits were hidden, but they were certainly there. The copy nin had once been a father figure to Sasuke himself.
He found his feet taking him towards Sakura's favorite restaurant and he walked in to see her at her usual table. Naruto had told him that she'd gone there with Kakashi many times, and they would often be seen there together as friends, and most recently as lovers. Of course, nobody knew that but the Hokage and Team 7, and maybe a few of Sakura's friends...but Sasuke could see it clearly. He planned on making that place his.
Sakura frowned when she saw who it was as Sasuke sat down across from her, putting his hands in front of him and leaning against the table. "Sakura?" he said quietly, hoping that she would forgive him for the way he'd behaved.
"Sasuke..." It was unyielding. There was no warmth towards him in her voice. "Why did you say that yesterday?"
"I...it was a stupid thing to say. I'm sorry, Sakura."
She looked warily at him, her eyes tired. The shadows around her eyes betrayed a restless night...probably worrying over the fact that her lover and guardian would be gone for a month as of the next morning. She pushed her hand into her blush hair, sighing. "Why is it that I don't believe you're really sorry?"
Sasuke took a chance and put his hands over hers; she pulled them away. "Please..." He shook his head. "I know you don't trust me...but I want to be a part of my child's life."
"I wasn't denying you that!" Sakura snapped, rolling her eyes, "I just said I needed space...it's not like I'm going to keep you completely out of it. If you think that I would tell your son or daughter that Kakashi is their father, you're out of your mind. I'm the one that needs space."
"But I..." His eyes were wide. He had to make this confession. "I want to be a part of your life too."
Her green eyes shimmered dangerously, and he could see reflections of the past in them. She had been his rock while they were children...and his feelings hadn't changed, but simply grown stronger while he was gone. The only problem was that she had changed...she had been stolen away from him in his absence.
"I still love you, Sakura," he whispered hoarsely, "I...I need you. I need you and our child."
She stared at him.
For a minute he thought that she would finally clasp his hands as well...maybe she would accept him. But her hands inched even farther away, moving under the table and into her lap. "It's not 'our' child...it wasn't my choice, and it wasn't yours either." Her voice and words stung him. "Sasuke, you might think that me having this baby creates some sort of extra bond between us, extra leverage to steer me away from what I want...but it doesn't go any further than in the biological sense."
She got up stiffly, and Sasuke didn't think she'd ever looked more terrifying in her life.
"You need to accept the fact that I'm in love with someone else...talk to me when you learn how to deal with it."
Sasuke just sat speechlessly as she walked away, leaving him alone at her table. He barely even noticed when the waitress walked up and motioned to the drink Sakura had been sipping on.
"Are you going to pay for that?"
----
Inner Sakura was cackling as Sakura walked out of the restaurant angrily. He didn't have the right! To think that he could believe the child would change anything...that she would just go to him with no thoughts or regrets! What the hell was he thinking!
Oh, you showed him! Inner Sakura said, chuckling. Sakura shook her head, pulling out her key when she got to her front door. That'll teach him not to come between us and our man. Cha!
I can't believe I just did that! Sakura thought to herself, leaning against the door as soon as she got inside. Inner Sakura just laughed at her.
You must have been pretty angry! Seems like something I would've done!
Trying to ignore the fact that she was talking to herself, Sakura threw her things down on the kitchen countertop and then walked up the stairs. The house was so lonely...she hadn't lived alone since the rape. Now she would be completely solitary for a month. No...maybe she could stay over at Hinata's. But first she was going to get a nap. It had been a...long night last night.
She almost let herself fall on top of the small object on her bed, but she caught herself before she could crush it. It was a paper bag with a crude silver ribbon tied around it...and it just screamed Kakashi.
Sakura grinned and untied the disfigured ribbon before pulling out the gift.
Icha Icha Paradise: Volume I.
She rolled her eyes. She should've known it would be something like this...as if Kakashi would actually leave her something romantic. Of course, what they'd done last night completely overwhelmed any other gift he could've given her...
Sakura tried to go to sleep, but it seemed like the Icha Icha book was calling to her. Despite her friend's strange fascination with the smut novels, she'd never actually read one, and now the curiosity was killing her. For some reason, he wanted her to have it.
Rather than opening it up and reading it, she just pulled it to her chest and then got under the covers and went to sleep.
Maybe she would read it later on, but something like a teddy bear would have been fine.
----
An old piece of pottery shattered against the wall as Sasuke screamed in rage and pain, throwing his hand out and accidentally hitting a few things. The seal burned, along with his mind, after the things Sakura had said to him...
The shock had come first. She'd never been so rough with him, and he certainly hadn't been expecting it. And then there was the denial...and then the rage. It frothed up out of him from some place that he didn't know, and the seal had started to burn as well. He knew that he should probably have gone to Tsunade...but he didn't want her to see him like this over Sakura.
A jolt of pain went from his shoulder and shot down his pain and bile rose in his throat; he went to the bathroom sink and retched. His hands gripped the white porcelain and he looked up at his reflection.
His reflection spoke.
"Ssssasssuke...can you...keep control?"
Every day, it resembled Orochimaru more and more. This reflection wasn't his...no...
The insanity was overwhelming, and he leaned back against the wall, watching his serpentine reflection.
His reflection was laughing.
----
The night came quickly, and soon Kakashi, Seiko, and Yuu put down their packs and settled down in the woods for the night. Kakashi's book was out in an instant; this was Volume VIII, and he'd read it at least a dozen times, but there were a couple scenes in it that he especially appreciated. His fingers were now flipping through the pages, looking for this one part where...
"Please put out the lights soon," Seiko grumbled from under a pile of blankets. Kakashi raised an eyebrow.
"I can go to the other side of this tree, if you want..."
"Just go to sleep. Yuu can't sleep unless it's dark."
Kakashi decided that now wasn't the time for any humorous antics. He wished that Sakura were there with him...some laughter over dinner before a night of passion in the woods...a scene right out of Volume XV...
As he extinguished the lights he realized that that wasn't the only reason he missed her. He missed her smile, and her voice...her presence, in general. He'd only been with her for one or two weeks, and he already depended on her so much that it hurt.
With that thought in mind, he clutched his book to his chest and went to sleep.
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Author's Note: I know that was incredibly short compared to the usual, but I was just completely clueless on where to go with this. I've got a pretty good idea for later chapters, but this was just kinda one of those transitions, and it's always hard to write those.
Anyway...I love you guys. I really, really do. Because you always leave me lotsa reviews and make me feel loved. And that's why I'm SO SORRY I didn't update sooner! But here's your update, and I hope you enjoyed, even if it was a little short!
All other reviews have been replied to personally (maybe tomorrow 'cause I'm tired as hell), but here's for anonymous reviewers...
Van: Thank you so much! Yeah, that's what it is for me...a daydream come true, LOL. I'm glad you liked it!
Jaydyn: Aw, thank you! I'm always so worried about Kakashi's character because he's kind of enigmatic in the anime, but I'm glad you think I'm getting it right. Thanks so much for your review!
--Kat
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"You know that I'll be gone when you wake up tomorrow," he whispered.
"I know...and I'll be waiting when you get back."
He finally managed to roll off of her and crawl to his resting place, and she went with him, sliding under the covers and letting him pull her into his arms, curling up comfortably.
----
The small apartment was quiet as Kakashi dragged himself out of bed and gathered up his things, trying not to wake Sakura. He wanted so badly to just forget about the mission and stay...but he had to trust that Tsunade would make sure Sakura was safe. The Hokage had made that promise herself, and Kakashi knew that he had to believe in her.
He leant over her and placed a warm hand to the side of her face, kissing her softly, before walking out the door.
It was a foggy morning, and Konoha was shrouded in mist as Kakashi walked towards Sakura's house to leave her a gift. It was something he'd thought up just that morning - as if he actually would've planned something - and he'd had to force himself to remember to drop it off. He was in and out in just a few minutes, leaving the package on the couch.
Afterwards he made his way to the village gates. It was there that he would meet his client and the nin that would be accompanying him. For some reason they were both remaining anonymous - he would know only their names - but he was accustomed to it in this business. It made him think of Sakura...what had she done to where he'd fallen so hard for her? Kakashi didn't have a clue.
Soon he could make out vague figures close by. A woman in a traveler's cloak, with a cascade of long, dark hair down her back, stood further inside Konoha, while a nin in an ANBU uniform stood at the gates with his arms crossed, staring right at Kakashi. The copy nin knew that the ANBU had probably realized he was there long before he could actually see this intruder...just as Kakashi had sensed this foreign ANBU. This just promised danger, and it made him hope that Sakura would be alright if he...
No. He couldn't think that way if he wanted to return.
He'd committed himself to Sakura, not only in mind and spirit, but in body as well, and it was impossible for him to leave her alone now. He'd felt a strong connection with her before, but after their union last night the connection was stronger than ever.
The foreign ANBU turned towards Kakashi as he drew closer, and Kakashi looked at the man warily. This guy was big...muscles bulged out of his uniform, and his surly face promised no mercy to his enemies. Kakashi definitely wouldn't want to be going up against him anytime soon - granted, looks could be deceiving, as Kakashi himself was quite strong but looked tall and lanky - and he hoped he wouldn't have to.
The woman in the traveler's cloak, who he supposed was the client, looked up a moment later. She was obviously scared, but Kakashi didn't know why she'd requested him specifically for the job. He didn't recognize her at all.
"Hatake Kakashi?" the ANBU asked. Kakashi nodded in response and the ANBU continued. "I'm Kiyoshi Seiko...and this is Kiyoshi Yuu." Kakashi raised a questioning eyebrow and the man, who apparently called himself Kiyoshi, quickly explained that they were siblings. Kakashi could see the resemblance easily now; their dark hair and eyes were the same.
"So what are we doing here? I wasn't given many of the details," Kakashi drawled. His lack of sleep was catching up with him already, and he knew that he would be miserable for the day. He hoped he could put it from his mind, along with the ache that was already developing for Sakura.
Yuu finally spoke, and Kakashi was surprised at her voice. Her height made her seem older, but she had the high, flute-like voice of a young girl. "I thought I would hire you because there's someone after me...I'm not at liberty to say who that person is. But I need protection, and my brother was not adequate enough. We need you for stealth and to help keep us hidden."
Kakashi had to wonder who these people were. Yuu couldn't be more than sixteen, and Seiko only seemed to be a few years older, even though he was ANBU. The boy must have been some kind of a genius...
"So I shouldn't ask any more questions?" he finally said.
"It would be appreciated," Seiko replied roughly.
"Mm." It was going to be a long, boring, and tiring day. Luckily, he had Icha Icha in his pocket. He hoped Sakura knew that she was in his thoughts...even if they weren't the cleanest ones.
----
Sakura barely even moved, watching Kakashi through her eyelashes as he moved around and quietly picked up his things. She didn't seem to realize that he was leaving...until she finally murmured a goodbye the moment after he'd walked out the door.
When she woke up again in Kakashi's big, comfortable bed, it took her a moment to come to terms with the fact that he was...gone. She would have no physical contact with him for a month...and probably no communication either. Her chest twisted painfully. And then she cried.
The tears eventually stopped pouring out of her eyes, and she finally got up, picking up her clothes on the way to the bathroom. She inspected her body carefully in the mirror...no bruises or cuts this time. And there was still no sign that she was pregnant. She kept on expecting to walk in and see her belly already swollen with pregnancy, although she knew it was impossible. She brushed her hair back from her face and got dressed, then picked up her things and left.
Another hot shower cleansed her of her fears. It was scary that she would be alone here...not really alone, of course, but there was nobody that was completely on her side. Naruto had other things to worry about - Hinata and his own life as a Jounin - of course Tsunade was busy...and Sasuke refused to relent. It seemed like he couldn't come to terms with the fact that she didn't love him anymore...and she always got so nervous around him. He would probably be making unexpected visits to the house too...she would need to move around a lot.
She didn't even know if Kakashi expected her to do something with the house. He'd left all of his things completely unguarded...of course, he didn't have much anyway. Sakura thought that she might go and throw away all the leftovers that would go to waste without him, but she didn't know what else needed doing. The treasure trove of Kakashi's past (the closet in the hall) was locked up again, and the only things he had left were the complete collection of the Icha Icha books, a few pieces of furniture, and some pictures of his old team and Team 7. And who would want to steal any of those things? Should she stay there? Where would she be staying anyway? She didn't want to be alone.
----
Naruto was snoring again, and it hadn't helped with Sasuke's sleeping at all. He tossed and turned every night as he tried to rest, unable to get through the infernal racket whose source was Naruto.
But that night, the sounds all went away.
He was there in the Uchiha manor again.
Sasuke was beginning to dread this place. This wasn't the home that he had once shared with his parents, back when they had been happy...back when he hadn't been driven by revenge. This place was evil. It seemed like another side of him rested here until he slept, ready to pounce on him and plague him with nightmares. There was no refuge for Sasuke; during the day he was filled with jealousy and lust for Sakura, people whispering behind his back...and at night he was here.
This place was where all of his insecurities and evil thoughts came to the surface. Sasuke drowned in all the negativity in his mind, and he couldn't escape from it. Every time that someone tried to help, he pushed them away, and he just couldn't stop. There was no way that Sakura would ever forgive him now...after all that he had said and done, how could she? Sasuke knew that he had been a complete jackass to her, and to everyone. Of course, he hadn't raped anyone else in Konoha...
At the thought of the rape...being with Sakura...Sasuke's eyes involuntarily wandered to the bed. This other side of him was suggesting something that Sasuke didn't want to understand. He desperately pushed it from his mind, but the images from previous nightmares flitted through his vision as he looked for solace in the darkness of the big house. He imagined himself having his way with Sakura on that bed, whether she consented or not. It was ingrained in his mind now, and he couldn't push it out.
Sweat beaded on his body as he snapped out of his dreams, gasping for breath. The seal burned, just like always.
'There is nothing wrong with me...nothing wrong...' he chanted to himself silently. He got up and, ignoring the pain, walked to the bathroom and stared into the mirror.
His eyes had turned green.
A concerned and drowsy mumble came from the other room and Sasuke jumped at the sound of Naruto's voice, slamming the door shut. Naruto couldn't see this...there was nothing wrong with him, damn it!
Sssasuke... a voice whispered. The Uchiha's eyes widened and his voice came out in a hoarse whisper.
"No."
He returned to his place on the couch warily, but Orochimaru's voice didn't appear again. Sasuke was thankful when the morning finally came, and he immediately headed to the Hokage's office, not even waking Naruto.
----
The hospital was already buzzing with activity in the early hours of the morning, and it was comforting to be there after such a terrible night. Sasuke uneasily took a seat outside of Tsunade's office, his eyes jumping from place to place. Nobody seemed to be interested in him, however, so he tried his best to relax.
The door finally opened and a strong alto voice called his name from inside. He got up unsteadily, his posture reflecting how much sleep he'd gotten the night before, and walked inside.
Tsunade glanced up at him and then back to her desk, signing a piece of paper in her quick scrawl. "I'm glad you came...I was going to have to get you here sometime today anyway." Sasuke raised his eyebrows at her questioningly and she continued. "I had a visit from Kakashi yesterday. He was concerned about Sakura. I'm guessing you know about the two of them?"
Sasuke frowned and she sighed. "I guess that's a yes...anyway, I told him that you wouldn't be alone with Sakura while he was gone."
His eyebrows shot up into his bangs. "Hokage, she's carrying my child-"
"She doesn't want you around her," Tsunade interrupted, glaring at him, "And I suggest that you listen to me and give Sakura space."
"I understand why she would be afraid of her...but I can't see her at all?"
"While someone else is there, you can...someone like Naruto or Hinata, one of her friends. But if she's at all uncomfortable with your presence, you need to let her be." The conversation was obviously over; Tsunade clasped her hands in front of her and kept talking. "Now, why is it that you wanted to see me?"
The room was suddenly very quiet. The Hokage cleared her throat, asking him again what he wanted to talk about.
"It's...I've been having some very disturbing dreams."
"And why do I need to know about this...?"
"The seal is very painful when I wake up," he continued, "And last night...last night I think I heard Orochimaru's voice in my head."
She frowned, and Sasuke almost thought that he saw fear pass over her face before she abruptly got up and stood behind him, moving over the collar of his shirt to see where Sakura had formed the seal. When she sat down again, there was obvious relief in her expression.
"It doesn't look like there's anything wrong," Tsunade said, "Now, Sasuke...it may be that you're paranoid now. You've been through a lot, and it wouldn't be that strange for you to have delusions like this. I can't see anything wrong with the seal. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I have a lot of work to do."
He stood, but she caught him once more before he left.
"And please leave Sakura alone."
Sasuke nodded before walking out of the door.
----
A couple hours had passed since sunrise when Kakashi's group finally spoke again. He'd thought that he'd feel like a babysitter when he first met the two, but he quickly learned that they were quiet and business-like with him. Yuu seemed to be embarrassed by her voice, and Kakashi didn't think that Seiko was much of a talker anyway. Oh well, neither was he.
He missed and worried for Sakura already. If Sasuke so much as went near her while he was gone...he would kill the boy himself. Of course, Sasuke wasn't really a boy anymore.
What would they do if Sasuke was possessed by Orochimaru again, anyway? If Kakashi wasn't there to protect Sakura when - if - that happened, he didn't know what he would do.
The brother and sister walked quietly in front of him, sometimes murmuring to each other, but never to the older nin. He couldn't even hear them, they were so far ahead, and he guessed that they didn't want him to. Icha Icha Paradise had been in his hand since they left the village, and he couldn't help but put a certain kunoichi in the place of the busty blondes of Icha Icha.
Seiko was the one that eventually suggested they stop for breakfast, and the group got closer together as they walked into a small inn in the closest village. Kakashi slipped Icha Icha back into his pocket and Yuu glanced at it, her brow creased. "What are you reading?"
He feigned deafness, looking towards her lazily. "Hm?"
"It's one of those books, isn't it..." A hint of a smile crossed her face. "You don't have to hide that from us...we know all about you."
Seiko motioned her over and she cast one last look at him before going to her brother.
Maybe the two of them had gone a little overboard with their research...wherever they came from.
But, of course, he wasn't worried about it. His mind was still revolving around Sakura back in Konoha, worrying about whether she would be alright or not. The two didn't seem suspicious at all...
Right?
Soon they were on the road again, and Kakashi had completely forgotten about the strange incident in the inn. His thoughts were in Konoha; they'd just passed the village where he'd found Sakura after she was taken from the hospital the night after their first kiss. He remembered everything about that day vividly...he'd felt more emotion for her in those two days than he had in years. The passion and then the fear had been so strong...
A month. It was time to start counting the days.
----
Sasuke wandered the streets of Konoha that day, saying hello to only a few people...because only a few actually greeted him. Most of the girls now seemed to fear him, or didn't see the attractive young man that so many girls had fallen in love with all those years ago. Things had changed in town...all the girls that had had a crush on him were now married women, or successful kunoichi.
Uchiha Sasuke hadn't changed along with Konoha. He'd been absent far too long...and things had evolved too far without him. He'd lost Sakura's love...Sakura had lost Naruto's romantic affections...the team had gotten so close that there was no way for Sasuke to find a way back in now. He had noticed so many times that they were like a family, and that he was on the outside, looking in. There was a glass wall between them; he saw them, but he couldn't touch them.
After all that he'd done, maybe he deserved to die. Suicide jutsus that he'd learned for the most dangerous missions flashed through his mind, but he quickly shook them off. He would be a father soon, and there was no way he would leave his heir to be raised by people not in the Uchiha line.
Would the child be confused? It would be so hard to tell...when both fathers had the Sharingan, the Uchiha bloodline trait, would Sasuke's child think more of Kakashi as his father? The dark-haired man didn't know what kind of a father he would be, while he knew that Kakashi's fatherly traits were hidden, but they were certainly there. The copy nin had once been a father figure to Sasuke himself.
He found his feet taking him towards Sakura's favorite restaurant and he walked in to see her at her usual table. Naruto had told him that she'd gone there with Kakashi many times, and they would often be seen there together as friends, and most recently as lovers. Of course, nobody knew that but the Hokage and Team 7, and maybe a few of Sakura's friends...but Sasuke could see it clearly. He planned on making that place his.
Sakura frowned when she saw who it was as Sasuke sat down across from her, putting his hands in front of him and leaning against the table. "Sakura?" he said quietly, hoping that she would forgive him for the way he'd behaved.
"Sasuke..." It was unyielding. There was no warmth towards him in her voice. "Why did you say that yesterday?"
"I...it was a stupid thing to say. I'm sorry, Sakura."
She looked warily at him, her eyes tired. The shadows around her eyes betrayed a restless night...probably worrying over the fact that her lover and guardian would be gone for a month as of the next morning. She pushed her hand into her blush hair, sighing. "Why is it that I don't believe you're really sorry?"
Sasuke took a chance and put his hands over hers; she pulled them away. "Please..." He shook his head. "I know you don't trust me...but I want to be a part of my child's life."
"I wasn't denying you that!" Sakura snapped, rolling her eyes, "I just said I needed space...it's not like I'm going to keep you completely out of it. If you think that I would tell your son or daughter that Kakashi is their father, you're out of your mind. I'm the one that needs space."
"But I..." His eyes were wide. He had to make this confession. "I want to be a part of your life too."
Her green eyes shimmered dangerously, and he could see reflections of the past in them. She had been his rock while they were children...and his feelings hadn't changed, but simply grown stronger while he was gone. The only problem was that she had changed...she had been stolen away from him in his absence.
"I still love you, Sakura," he whispered hoarsely, "I...I need you. I need you and our child."
She stared at him.
For a minute he thought that she would finally clasp his hands as well...maybe she would accept him. But her hands inched even farther away, moving under the table and into her lap. "It's not 'our' child...it wasn't my choice, and it wasn't yours either." Her voice and words stung him. "Sasuke, you might think that me having this baby creates some sort of extra bond between us, extra leverage to steer me away from what I want...but it doesn't go any further than in the biological sense."
She got up stiffly, and Sasuke didn't think she'd ever looked more terrifying in her life.
"You need to accept the fact that I'm in love with someone else...talk to me when you learn how to deal with it."
Sasuke just sat speechlessly as she walked away, leaving him alone at her table. He barely even noticed when the waitress walked up and motioned to the drink Sakura had been sipping on.
"Are you going to pay for that?"
----
Inner Sakura was cackling as Sakura walked out of the restaurant angrily. He didn't have the right! To think that he could believe the child would change anything...that she would just go to him with no thoughts or regrets! What the hell was he thinking!
Oh, you showed him! Inner Sakura said, chuckling. Sakura shook her head, pulling out her key when she got to her front door. That'll teach him not to come between us and our man. Cha!
I can't believe I just did that! Sakura thought to herself, leaning against the door as soon as she got inside. Inner Sakura just laughed at her.
You must have been pretty angry! Seems like something I would've done!
Trying to ignore the fact that she was talking to herself, Sakura threw her things down on the kitchen countertop and then walked up the stairs. The house was so lonely...she hadn't lived alone since the rape. Now she would be completely solitary for a month. No...maybe she could stay over at Hinata's. But first she was going to get a nap. It had been a...long night last night.
She almost let herself fall on top of the small object on her bed, but she caught herself before she could crush it. It was a paper bag with a crude silver ribbon tied around it...and it just screamed Kakashi.
Sakura grinned and untied the disfigured ribbon before pulling out the gift.
Icha Icha Paradise: Volume I.
She rolled her eyes. She should've known it would be something like this...as if Kakashi would actually leave her something romantic. Of course, what they'd done last night completely overwhelmed any other gift he could've given her...
Sakura tried to go to sleep, but it seemed like the Icha Icha book was calling to her. Despite her friend's strange fascination with the smut novels, she'd never actually read one, and now the curiosity was killing her. For some reason, he wanted her to have it.
Rather than opening it up and reading it, she just pulled it to her chest and then got under the covers and went to sleep.
Maybe she would read it later on, but something like a teddy bear would have been fine.
----
An old piece of pottery shattered against the wall as Sasuke screamed in rage and pain, throwing his hand out and accidentally hitting a few things. The seal burned, along with his mind, after the things Sakura had said to him...
The shock had come first. She'd never been so rough with him, and he certainly hadn't been expecting it. And then there was the denial...and then the rage. It frothed up out of him from some place that he didn't know, and the seal had started to burn as well. He knew that he should probably have gone to Tsunade...but he didn't want her to see him like this over Sakura.
A jolt of pain went from his shoulder and shot down his pain and bile rose in his throat; he went to the bathroom sink and retched. His hands gripped the white porcelain and he looked up at his reflection.
His reflection spoke.
"Ssssasssuke...can you...keep control?"
Every day, it resembled Orochimaru more and more. This reflection wasn't his...no...
The insanity was overwhelming, and he leaned back against the wall, watching his serpentine reflection.
His reflection was laughing.
----
The night came quickly, and soon Kakashi, Seiko, and Yuu put down their packs and settled down in the woods for the night. Kakashi's book was out in an instant; this was Volume VIII, and he'd read it at least a dozen times, but there were a couple scenes in it that he especially appreciated. His fingers were now flipping through the pages, looking for this one part where...
"Please put out the lights soon," Seiko grumbled from under a pile of blankets. Kakashi raised an eyebrow.
"I can go to the other side of this tree, if you want..."
"Just go to sleep. Yuu can't sleep unless it's dark."
Kakashi decided that now wasn't the time for any humorous antics. He wished that Sakura were there with him...some laughter over dinner before a night of passion in the woods...a scene right out of Volume XV...
As he extinguished the lights he realized that that wasn't the only reason he missed her. He missed her smile, and her voice...her presence, in general. He'd only been with her for one or two weeks, and he already depended on her so much that it hurt.
With that thought in mind, he clutched his book to his chest and went to sleep.
----
Author's Note: I know that was incredibly short compared to the usual, but I was just completely clueless on where to go with this. I've got a pretty good idea for later chapters, but this was just kinda one of those transitions, and it's always hard to write those.
Anyway...I love you guys. I really, really do. Because you always leave me lotsa reviews and make me feel loved. And that's why I'm SO SORRY I didn't update sooner! But here's your update, and I hope you enjoyed, even if it was a little short!
All other reviews have been replied to personally (maybe tomorrow 'cause I'm tired as hell), but here's for anonymous reviewers...
Van: Thank you so much! Yeah, that's what it is for me...a daydream come true, LOL. I'm glad you liked it!
Jaydyn: Aw, thank you! I'm always so worried about Kakashi's character because he's kind of enigmatic in the anime, but I'm glad you think I'm getting it right. Thanks so much for your review!
--Kat
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