Categories > Cartoons > Family Guy
Squeaky Toy Mania
0 reviewsMuch to the dismay of Stewie. Brian has fun with an overhyped squeaky toy.
0Unrated
Family Guy
Fanfic Title:
Squeaky Toy Mania
By: Hailey Sands.
Chapter One:
In the living room of the Griffin side house. Brian and Stewie sitting on the couch, lazily flipping through TV channels. Suddenly, a commercial comes on. The jingle is bouncy, over-the-top, and very 1980s.
Announcer: (V.O., excited): (cheerful) "Introducing the brand new Squeeker-Cat! The fun, squeaky, soft, cuddly toy that’s perfect for your pet! Just squeeze it and hear it squeak! Squeeker-Cat! It’s hours of entertainment for your furry friend!"
The commercial shows a cartoonish cat-shaped squeaky toy with exaggerated squeaks. Various dogs are shown joyfully running after it, barking with excitement. A happy, overly-enthusiastic voiceover continues.
Announcer (V.O.): "Squeeker-Cat! It’s the toy that’ll keep your dog happy for hours! Get your Squeeker-Cat today! Limited-time offer! Call now!"
Reaching its peak the jungle ends with a catchy, childish melody:
Jingle (Sung in a high-pitched, overly perky tune) "Squeeker-Cat, Squeeker-Cat! Squeeker-Cat, Squeeker-Cat!"
Chapter 2:
Rolling his eyes, slumping in his seat. Stewie begins to make fun of the commercial.
Stewie (mocking): (sarcastic) "Oh, wow, Squeeker-Cat! How innovative. I’m sure every dog in America is just dying to get their paws on that… little piece of plastic garbage."
Standing up on the stairs. Stewie starts mimicking the commercial, singing the jingle in an exaggerated, mocking fashion.
Stewie (singing): (silly voice) "Squeeker-Cat, Squeeker-Cat! Squeeker-Cat, Squeeker-Cat!"
He spins around, putting his hands on his hips and rolling his eyes dramatically. He then gets in Brian’s face, leans down, and grins.
Stewie: (mockingly) "Do you want a Squeeker-Cat, Brian? Huh? Do you?"
As if the Griffin family dog was about to confess something, Brian was trying to remain calm.
Brian: (sighs, defeated) "Don’t get mad, but… yes."
Stewie: (angrily) "Why?!"
Brian (nods, sheepishly) "My dog ways get to me when I see Squeeker-Cat. It’s a primal urge, Stewie. I just can’t resist it. And that’s why…"
Stewie: Even Quagmire thinks it's fucking ass stupid.
Quagmire (calling from an open window): As much of a cat lover I am. I wouldn't be caught dead getting my cat one of those pieces of shit.
Pausing for dramatic effect. After Quagmire departs. Brian then proudly pulls out an actual Squeeker-Cat toy, holding it up triumphantly.
Brian "I already bought one."
Stewie: (screaming): "HOLY HELL!". Son of a whore!
As the baby's face contorts in horror. Stewie has his jaw drop to the floor with shock.
Brian stands up and begins shaking the toy, making it squeak in exaggerated dog-like fashion.
Chapter Three:
A week later. Running around the Griffin house. Brian has fully embraced the madness. He is running around the house like a dog, with Squeeker-Cat clutched in his mouth. He barks joyfully, tail wagging, clearly enjoying the squeaks.
Stewie (from the kitchen, bemused): "Hey Brian, you look like you’ve lost your mind."
Brian (barking playfully): "Woof! Woof! Grrr, look at me, I’m a good boy!"
Sitting on the couch in the living room, watching Brian act like a lunatic. His face is filled with annoyance.
Stewie "Honestly, you’ve lost it, Brian. You’ve truly, irrevocably lost it."
Runs by with the squeaker toy still in his mouth, Brian was now rolling on the floor and playfully pawing at it.
Brian (muffled, with the toy in his mouth): "Arf! Arf! Who’s a good boy? I am, I am!"
Stewie (sarcastically) "Oh yeah, you’re a good boy all right, Brian. Really mature."
Chapter Four:
Brian heads out for a walk, leaving the house and dropping Squeeker-Cat on the ground. Stewie notices this, and his eyes narrow.
Stewie (suspiciously): "Ah, I see. So now you just discard it like a piece of trash? Typical."
Approaching the toy, Stewie was now staring at it with a mix of confusion and anger.
Stewie: (angrily) "What is it about you, huh? Why do you obsess Brian? What’s your secret? What makes you so special that you get to take my dog away from me?!"
Glaring at the toy with rage and fury. Stewie picks up the toy, picking it up and holding it close to his face. He’s about to lose it. Stewie starts shaking it, squeezing it furiously, and slamming it against the ground.
Stewie (yelling): "Why, Squeeker-Cat?! Why do you have this power over him?!"
Suddenly, Chris and Meg walk into the room, watching the madness unfold.
Chris (puzzled): "Uh, Stewie, what are you doing?"
Meg (concerned): "Yeah, Stewie, it’s just a toy. It’s not that big of a deal."
Feeling his rage building from within. Stewie finds himself gritting his teeth, refusing to let up on his attack.
Stewie: "Of course it’s a big deal, Meg! It’s taking away Brian’s intellectual side. He needs to focus on more important things. Squeeker-Cat is the enemy of culture and critical thought!"
Chris (bright idea): "Hey, wait a minute, I’ve got an idea! I can use my BB gun to shoot it and make it, you know… not squeak anymore!"
Meg (nodding): "I’m in."
Stewie (grinning): "Excellent! Let’s dismantle this monstrosity once and for all."
The three of them, now united in their shared disdain for Squeeker-Cat, proceed to get the BB gun and begin shooting the toy. Each shot hits the squeaker, making it emit a high-pitched squeak with each impact. They laugh and cheer as the toy gets destroyed, the squeaking noises becoming more frantic with each hit.
Stewie(gleefully): "Die, Squeeker-Cat, die! You shall never torment my Brian again!"
Meg: "I can’t believe we’re doing this. It’s kind of fun."
Chris: "Yeah! I’m gonna make it explode!"
Finally, one last shot hits the toy in the right spot, causing a massive pop and a burst of squeaky noises before it falls silent, destroyed.
Chapter Five:
Returning home. Brian was now looking for his beloved Squeeker-Cat. He spots it lying in pieces on the floor and gasps in horror.
Brian (sadly): "No… no, not my Squeeker-Cat..."
He stares at it, holding it up in disbelief.
Brian (somberly) "Why would you do this to me, Stewie?"
Stewie (smiling smugly): "Because you lost sight of who you really are, Brian. You’re not a dog. You’re an intellectual. You need to be thinking, not playing with squeaky toys."
Still holding the mangled toy, Brian was looking down at it thoughtfully.
Brian(sighs, then smiles softly) "Yeah, you’re right, Stewie. I… I got carried away with the whole dog instinct thing. I need to be more focused on my intellectual side. I need to be there for you, Stewie, as your friend."
Being proud of Brian. Stewie smiles with pride.
Stewie "Finally. Someone gets it."
Brian: "I guess I’ll just have to focus on being your intellectual companion from now on."
Stewie: (grinning) "Good. And maybe no more squeaky toys… at least, not until the next ridiculous fad comes along."
The End
Fanfic Title:
Squeaky Toy Mania
By: Hailey Sands.
Chapter One:
In the living room of the Griffin side house. Brian and Stewie sitting on the couch, lazily flipping through TV channels. Suddenly, a commercial comes on. The jingle is bouncy, over-the-top, and very 1980s.
Announcer: (V.O., excited): (cheerful) "Introducing the brand new Squeeker-Cat! The fun, squeaky, soft, cuddly toy that’s perfect for your pet! Just squeeze it and hear it squeak! Squeeker-Cat! It’s hours of entertainment for your furry friend!"
The commercial shows a cartoonish cat-shaped squeaky toy with exaggerated squeaks. Various dogs are shown joyfully running after it, barking with excitement. A happy, overly-enthusiastic voiceover continues.
Announcer (V.O.): "Squeeker-Cat! It’s the toy that’ll keep your dog happy for hours! Get your Squeeker-Cat today! Limited-time offer! Call now!"
Reaching its peak the jungle ends with a catchy, childish melody:
Jingle (Sung in a high-pitched, overly perky tune) "Squeeker-Cat, Squeeker-Cat! Squeeker-Cat, Squeeker-Cat!"
Chapter 2:
Rolling his eyes, slumping in his seat. Stewie begins to make fun of the commercial.
Stewie (mocking): (sarcastic) "Oh, wow, Squeeker-Cat! How innovative. I’m sure every dog in America is just dying to get their paws on that… little piece of plastic garbage."
Standing up on the stairs. Stewie starts mimicking the commercial, singing the jingle in an exaggerated, mocking fashion.
Stewie (singing): (silly voice) "Squeeker-Cat, Squeeker-Cat! Squeeker-Cat, Squeeker-Cat!"
He spins around, putting his hands on his hips and rolling his eyes dramatically. He then gets in Brian’s face, leans down, and grins.
Stewie: (mockingly) "Do you want a Squeeker-Cat, Brian? Huh? Do you?"
As if the Griffin family dog was about to confess something, Brian was trying to remain calm.
Brian: (sighs, defeated) "Don’t get mad, but… yes."
Stewie: (angrily) "Why?!"
Brian (nods, sheepishly) "My dog ways get to me when I see Squeeker-Cat. It’s a primal urge, Stewie. I just can’t resist it. And that’s why…"
Stewie: Even Quagmire thinks it's fucking ass stupid.
Quagmire (calling from an open window): As much of a cat lover I am. I wouldn't be caught dead getting my cat one of those pieces of shit.
Pausing for dramatic effect. After Quagmire departs. Brian then proudly pulls out an actual Squeeker-Cat toy, holding it up triumphantly.
Brian "I already bought one."
Stewie: (screaming): "HOLY HELL!". Son of a whore!
As the baby's face contorts in horror. Stewie has his jaw drop to the floor with shock.
Brian stands up and begins shaking the toy, making it squeak in exaggerated dog-like fashion.
Chapter Three:
A week later. Running around the Griffin house. Brian has fully embraced the madness. He is running around the house like a dog, with Squeeker-Cat clutched in his mouth. He barks joyfully, tail wagging, clearly enjoying the squeaks.
Stewie (from the kitchen, bemused): "Hey Brian, you look like you’ve lost your mind."
Brian (barking playfully): "Woof! Woof! Grrr, look at me, I’m a good boy!"
Sitting on the couch in the living room, watching Brian act like a lunatic. His face is filled with annoyance.
Stewie "Honestly, you’ve lost it, Brian. You’ve truly, irrevocably lost it."
Runs by with the squeaker toy still in his mouth, Brian was now rolling on the floor and playfully pawing at it.
Brian (muffled, with the toy in his mouth): "Arf! Arf! Who’s a good boy? I am, I am!"
Stewie (sarcastically) "Oh yeah, you’re a good boy all right, Brian. Really mature."
Chapter Four:
Brian heads out for a walk, leaving the house and dropping Squeeker-Cat on the ground. Stewie notices this, and his eyes narrow.
Stewie (suspiciously): "Ah, I see. So now you just discard it like a piece of trash? Typical."
Approaching the toy, Stewie was now staring at it with a mix of confusion and anger.
Stewie: (angrily) "What is it about you, huh? Why do you obsess Brian? What’s your secret? What makes you so special that you get to take my dog away from me?!"
Glaring at the toy with rage and fury. Stewie picks up the toy, picking it up and holding it close to his face. He’s about to lose it. Stewie starts shaking it, squeezing it furiously, and slamming it against the ground.
Stewie (yelling): "Why, Squeeker-Cat?! Why do you have this power over him?!"
Suddenly, Chris and Meg walk into the room, watching the madness unfold.
Chris (puzzled): "Uh, Stewie, what are you doing?"
Meg (concerned): "Yeah, Stewie, it’s just a toy. It’s not that big of a deal."
Feeling his rage building from within. Stewie finds himself gritting his teeth, refusing to let up on his attack.
Stewie: "Of course it’s a big deal, Meg! It’s taking away Brian’s intellectual side. He needs to focus on more important things. Squeeker-Cat is the enemy of culture and critical thought!"
Chris (bright idea): "Hey, wait a minute, I’ve got an idea! I can use my BB gun to shoot it and make it, you know… not squeak anymore!"
Meg (nodding): "I’m in."
Stewie (grinning): "Excellent! Let’s dismantle this monstrosity once and for all."
The three of them, now united in their shared disdain for Squeeker-Cat, proceed to get the BB gun and begin shooting the toy. Each shot hits the squeaker, making it emit a high-pitched squeak with each impact. They laugh and cheer as the toy gets destroyed, the squeaking noises becoming more frantic with each hit.
Stewie(gleefully): "Die, Squeeker-Cat, die! You shall never torment my Brian again!"
Meg: "I can’t believe we’re doing this. It’s kind of fun."
Chris: "Yeah! I’m gonna make it explode!"
Finally, one last shot hits the toy in the right spot, causing a massive pop and a burst of squeaky noises before it falls silent, destroyed.
Chapter Five:
Returning home. Brian was now looking for his beloved Squeeker-Cat. He spots it lying in pieces on the floor and gasps in horror.
Brian (sadly): "No… no, not my Squeeker-Cat..."
He stares at it, holding it up in disbelief.
Brian (somberly) "Why would you do this to me, Stewie?"
Stewie (smiling smugly): "Because you lost sight of who you really are, Brian. You’re not a dog. You’re an intellectual. You need to be thinking, not playing with squeaky toys."
Still holding the mangled toy, Brian was looking down at it thoughtfully.
Brian(sighs, then smiles softly) "Yeah, you’re right, Stewie. I… I got carried away with the whole dog instinct thing. I need to be more focused on my intellectual side. I need to be there for you, Stewie, as your friend."
Being proud of Brian. Stewie smiles with pride.
Stewie "Finally. Someone gets it."
Brian: "I guess I’ll just have to focus on being your intellectual companion from now on."
Stewie: (grinning) "Good. And maybe no more squeaky toys… at least, not until the next ridiculous fad comes along."
The End
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