Categories > Original > Drama > Diary Of Emilia Miller [English]
My dearest [deleted name],
I am sorry. I am so so sorry. I just- I just can not take this anymore. Everything is just way too much for me. I am sorry, my love. It is just that everything is overwhelming me and I do not know what to do anymore. Everything just feels hopeless to me. Not just right now, but it has been feeling like that for months now. I am terribly sorry for never telling you about how I felt. I knew you were also struggling, so I did not want to bother you with my problems as well. I do not know whether I will survive this attempt at taking my life or if I will actually succeed (my first and last attempt was unsuccessful after all (and I did not write a letter to you because I did not have this notebook yet)). I once again wonder - Will you cry? Will you miss me? I mean, will all these things happen if I were to actually die today? After all, I feel like I am a burden now and that taking my life will make everything so much easier not just for myself, but for everyone including you. But now I wonder - Will it actually be easier for you? Or will it perhaps be even more of a burden to you if I were to succeed? At my last attempt, I felt nothing after swallowing those pills. I had gotten no reaction. Right now, I have a tummy ache because of the pills. Is this the beginning? Or is this already the end of it? Will nothing else happen? Did I not take enough pills? I do not feel like taking any more. I guess I have to settle with this then. But seriously, would you miss me? Would you cry? Would you mourn? I know it might sound very very selfish of me, but I do kind of hope that you would cry and mourn because I am dead. I know I would not be able to see it, unless there is an afterlife that I do not believe in. I know I would not be able to see, but I am allowed to wish for it, right? I love you for all eternity, and I will continue to love you even when I am dead. And I kind of hope that you will also love me despite my death. But I can not control you or your feelings. I would not be mad if you no longer loved me after I am dead. I would understand. There is no reason to keep loving a dead person when all it does is bring more misery to oneself. All I want for you is to be happy, to be able to continue living a wonderful life - a life that I could never have. I just want you to be happy, even if you will not cry or mourn over my death. Please, just be happy.
I love you.
Love, Emilia
- [deleted date]
I am sorry. I am so so sorry. I just- I just can not take this anymore. Everything is just way too much for me. I am sorry, my love. It is just that everything is overwhelming me and I do not know what to do anymore. Everything just feels hopeless to me. Not just right now, but it has been feeling like that for months now. I am terribly sorry for never telling you about how I felt. I knew you were also struggling, so I did not want to bother you with my problems as well. I do not know whether I will survive this attempt at taking my life or if I will actually succeed (my first and last attempt was unsuccessful after all (and I did not write a letter to you because I did not have this notebook yet)). I once again wonder - Will you cry? Will you miss me? I mean, will all these things happen if I were to actually die today? After all, I feel like I am a burden now and that taking my life will make everything so much easier not just for myself, but for everyone including you. But now I wonder - Will it actually be easier for you? Or will it perhaps be even more of a burden to you if I were to succeed? At my last attempt, I felt nothing after swallowing those pills. I had gotten no reaction. Right now, I have a tummy ache because of the pills. Is this the beginning? Or is this already the end of it? Will nothing else happen? Did I not take enough pills? I do not feel like taking any more. I guess I have to settle with this then. But seriously, would you miss me? Would you cry? Would you mourn? I know it might sound very very selfish of me, but I do kind of hope that you would cry and mourn because I am dead. I know I would not be able to see it, unless there is an afterlife that I do not believe in. I know I would not be able to see, but I am allowed to wish for it, right? I love you for all eternity, and I will continue to love you even when I am dead. And I kind of hope that you will also love me despite my death. But I can not control you or your feelings. I would not be mad if you no longer loved me after I am dead. I would understand. There is no reason to keep loving a dead person when all it does is bring more misery to oneself. All I want for you is to be happy, to be able to continue living a wonderful life - a life that I could never have. I just want you to be happy, even if you will not cry or mourn over my death. Please, just be happy.
I love you.
Love, Emilia
- [deleted date]
Sign up to rate and review this story