Categories > Cartoons > Paradise PD
False Alarms
0 reviewsKevin and Dusty want to get out of a driving test by pulling an alarm. Who will they choose to do their bidding?
0Unrated
This fanfic takes place after If He Had Always Been There. In an alternate first season.
Paradise PD
Fanfic Title:
False Alarms
By Hailey Sands
Chapter One:
Standing before his officers. Randall Crawford gives a stern look on his face. Kevin, Dusty, Gina, Stanley, Bullet, and Fitz sit slumped in their chairs. Thester is at his desk, head down.
Randall: Alright, listen up, you motley crew of mediocrity! As of next week, every single one of you – and I mean every single one – will be retaking your driver's test.
Collective groans fill the room.
Kevin: A driver's test? Dad, that's like, so... Matrix reload. Do we really need to dodge imaginary bullets on a written exam?
Randall: This isn't about imaginary bullets, Kevin! This is about the real bullets you almost hit Edna Dorseldigits' prize-winning petunias with last week! And you, Dusty, you drove the patrol car into the Goopy Goober's drive-thru twice last month!
Dusty: But the milkshake was calling to me, Chief! It was like a siren song, only instead of a mythical creature, it was a delicious, dairy-based treat!
Gina: Oh I remember that! Awesome for the record books!
Randall: No excuses! You have one week. Pass, or you're on foot patrol. And believe me, that's a fate worse than a Saw trap, especially in this humidity.
Walking out the room. Randall ends up slamming the door. Kevin slumps further.
Kevin: This is tyranny! Pure, unadulterated Randall-archy! We gotta get out of this.
Gina: If you guys are plotting to get out of this test. Leave me out of it. I'm the best cop around and I don't want to lost that. You're both on your own!
Dusty (ignoring Gina): But how, Kevin? I'm already nervous. I still have flashbacks to the time I accidentally drove into the ocean during my first test. It was like Free Willy, but with a patrol car and a lot more shame.
As his eyes light up, Kevin glances at Thester.
Kevin: I have an idea. A brilliant, Machiavellian plot worthy of a Game of Thrones character.
Stanley: You're looking at the James Mason guy! Not at me. He's British too!
Chapter Two:
Kevin and Dusty lean conspiratorially over Thester's desk.
Thester: Cheerio! Kevin and Dusty! Just finishing up this arrest report. And...done! Now what can I do for you both?
Kevin: Thester, my man, we need your… unique skillset. We need a distraction. A big one. Something to make Randall forget all about his little driving inquisition.
Dusty: Yeah! Like when the T-Rex broke out in Jurassic Park! But, you know, less… toothy.
Kevin and Dusty look at Thester as he nervously adjusts his tie.
Thester: A distraction? What kind of distraction?
Kevin: The fire alarm. We need you to pull it when Randall's least expecting it. It'll be epic! Like a scene from Ocean's Eleven, but with more incompetence and less George Clooney.
In the hallway, Bullet and Fitz walk by, overhearing.
Fitz: (To Bullet): Are you seeing this, Bullet? Kevin and Dusty are recruiting Thester. This is like watching two toddlers try to build a nuclear reactor.
Bullet (Sniffing the air): Hmm, I smell desperation… and maybe a hint of bad decisions. You know, like that time I tried to snort a line of Parmesan cheese. Not my finest hour.
Fitz: We need to stop this and fast.
Bullet: I know these things. From what I can tell, Kevin and Dusty are going to set up Thester to pull the alarm.
Fitz: Yes that's true. I've worked so hard when I was Thester's probation officer to get his life together.
Bullet: We can't let Thester fall back into his old ways.
Fitz: That's true. Instead of being a gambling street hustler, he's going to be a fire alarm prankster.
Bullet: Let's go and talk to him.
Waiting for the exact moment. Fitz and Bullet decide to talk Thester out of going through with Kevin's and Dusty's scheme.
Chapter Three:
Fitz pulls Thester outside of the Paradise Police Headquaters. Bullet stands next to him, looking concerned.
Thester: YAAAHHH! WOAH! What is this all about?
Fitz: Thester, buddy, listen to me. Kevin and Dusty are like a black hole of bad ideas. Anything they get you involved in is going to end badly. Trust me, I've seen things. Horrible things. Randall can fire you.
Bullet: He's right, Thester. They're using you, man. Like a disposable pawn in a very poorly played game of chess. Don't be their little Ferris Bueller's Day Off sidekick. You're better than that.
Thester: But… but they said I was important! They said I was like the silent, stoic hero, like Batman, but with better posture.
Fitz: They're lying, Thester. They're just trying to save their own hides.
Thester hesitates, then his shoulders slump.
Thester: I… I don't know. They seemed so… enthusiastic.
Bullet: That's what they want you to think.
Thester: I'm not a cop like all you guys. Why do I need to pass this drivers test too? I don't even drive a real car. Just a golf cart.
Fitz: You need to pass so you can go and run errands for Randall whenever he needs it.
Bullet: Tell you what. How about we both help you study.
Fitz: Yeah, that way you can rise above Kevin's and Dusty's scheme. And you can pass!
Thester: Uhhh, I don't want to let you down. So fair enough.
Bullet: Some cocaine can help you concentrate....
Fitz: Bullet, no!
Bullet (sarcastically); OKAY!
Fitz and Bullet go into the break room with Thester to help him study for the driving test.
Chapter Four:
One week later. Randall stands by a table with driver's test papers. Officers are fidgeting in their seats.
Randall: Alright, mother fuckers! Time for your moment of truth! No cheating, no funny business. I've got eyes like a hawk, and a temper like… well, like a chief who's had way too much coffee.
Gina: Ready for this one, Chief!
Stanley is about to take the test but falls asleep. Kevin and Dusty exchange a nervous glance. Thester gives them a signal to show them he is still on their side. Despite Fitz and Bullet helping him study. Fitz and Bullet were looking around to see if something suspicious was going to happen. But they both kept quiet about it.
Kevin: (Whispering to Dusty): Now!
Just as Randall starts to hand out the tests, the piercing wail of the fire alarm fills the station.
BWOOONNNG! BWOOONNNG!
Chaos erupts. Kevin and Dusty bolt for the door.
Gina: The fuck was that!
Stanley: Maybe it's William Conrad from First Alert!
Fitz: Who's going to stop that alarm!
Bullet: Sure isn't me! Everytime I hear an alarm I go.......(howling)
Randall: Kevin! Dusty! Get back here, you cowardly pieces of shit!
Kevin and Dusty are already halfway down the hall. Randall spins around, his eyes narrowing. He sees Thester, standing by the fire alarm, looking shell-shocked.
Randall: Thester! You pulled that alarm, didn't you?!
Looking terrified but resolute, Thester nods slowly.
Thester: Yes, Chief. It was me. I… I saw a really big spider. It was a tarantula, Chief! I swear! It looked like something out of Arachnophobia!
His eyes full of fury, Randall sighs in exasperation.
Randall: A spider, huh? Right. Well, you're getting a stern talking-to and two weeks of mandatory overtime. And you're still taking that driver's test!
Thester: Yes sir. I'll take whatever punishment you dish out.
Kevin and Dusty give each other a high five . Fitz and Bullet watch through the doorway.
Fitz: Damn! I thought Thester listened to us.
Bullet: Doesn't anything get through to him?
Chapter Five:
Later that week. Kevin and Dusty are laughing. Thester sits glumly at his desk. Feeling extremely guilty on the inside. Knowing he betrayed Fitz and Bullet.
Kevin: Thester, you're a legend! A true hero! You took one for the team, like when Frodo carried the ring to Mordor, but with less walking and more administrative work.
Dusty: Yeah! We're best friends now, Thester! We should totally get matching friendship bracelets. Maybe with little fire alarm charms! Or better. Made with condoms!
Thester manages a weak smile.
A few days later. In the cell block. For a private conversation. Fitz and Bullet confront Thester again.
Fitz: Thester, this is ridiculous. You're being played like a cheap fiddle. They're going to keep using you.
Bullet: Yeah, man. It's a classic user-abuse dynamic. Like me and my dealer. Except he gives me drugs, and they just give you… trouble. Get out while you can, before you become their personal Punch-Drunk Love punching bag.
Thester: But… they're my friends! They said so! They even invited me over for Larping and prank phone calls this weekend!
Fitz: Did you forget what I taught you about friends when I was your probation officer?
Thester: Yes, I know. In your own words, "Friends don't let friends take the fall for their own stupidity."
Chapter Six:
In the Paradise PD Main Room. A few days later. Randall reschedules the driving test as he stands in front of a new set of tests.
Randall: Alright, second chances are rare in this life, almost as rare as a decent cup of coffee in this station. Don't blow it.
Gina turns in her test. Randall looks at it.
Randall: Well, Gina! You pass! Here is your new license!
Gina: YEAH! I WAS THE FIRST TO PASS! SUCK ON THAT TWAT WAFFLES!
Stanley turns in his test.
Randall: THE FUCK! THIS IS ALL JUST LINES! YOU FAIL! No driving for you, ever!
Stanlet runs away crying.
Dusty sneaks glances at the fire alarm. Kevin subtly nods at him. Dusty starts to make his way towards the alarm. He reaches up, but his foot slips on a loose floorboard. He tumbles to the ground with a loud thud.
CRASH!
Randall whips his head around. He sees Dusty on the floor, near the fire alarm, looking guilty. But then he looks closer. A meticulously arranged pile of papers and a small, strategically placed banana peel lie near Dusty.
His Eyes narrow. Randall looks at Thester, who gives a barely perceptible, triumphant nod.
Randall: Dusty! What in the name of all that is holy are you doing?!
Dusty (Groaning): I… I was just… reaching for a… a very tall paperclip!
Randall: (Pointing at the banana peel) And that? Did the "very tall paperclip" also peel itself and leave a booby trap for you, you dumb fat asshole?
Thester, standing innocently by his desk, clears his throat.
Chapter Seven:
Standing at the front of the room. Randall has a clipboard firmly in hand, pacing like a warden during final inspections. The officers wait nervously as he hands out test results.
Randall: Alright, let's see who managed to not embarrass the badge this time.
He stops at Kevin.
Randall: Kevin… passed. Somehow. Maybe the DMV ran out of red ink.
Kevin (fist bumps): Yes! Vindication! I am now officially less of a hazard!
Walking along, Randall moves on.
Randall: Bullet… passed. Which is honestly disturbing. Remind me never to drive on the same highway as you.
Bullet: (Wagging tail) > Don’t worry, Chief. I’ll keep it under 90...ish.
Randall: Fitz... passed. I guess miracles do happen. Maybe I should start going to church again.
Fitz (laughs): I didn’t even bribe anyone this time. Personal growth.
Reaching Thester. Randall walks over to who looks like he’s about to pass out.
Randall: Thester... passed. And with the highest score of the group. Which tells me this test is too easy.
Over 30 times as he was blinking, Thester was now in stunned silence.
Thester: I... I did it? I actually did it?
Fitz, Bullet, and Kevin cheer and pat Thester on the back. And clap for him.
Kevin: You did it, man! You’re officially licensed to thrill—very cautiously, within posted speed limits, of course.
Reaches the final name on his list. Randall calls Dusty.
Randall: And... Dusty.
Dusty sighs deeply.
Randall: Not only did you fail... again... but security footage shows you trying to pull the fire alarm during the written portion of the exam.
Arms raised in wild frustration. Dusty ran around.
Dusty: It was part of my strategy! "Operation Smoke Bomb"! The distraction was key!
Randall: Your "strategy" has earned you a six-month ban from reapplying and a mandatory common-sense training video marathon. Good luck with that.
With his eye twitching Dusty slowly turns toward Thester, who is laughing with the others.
Dusty: You! You did this to me, Thester! You think this is over? This isn’t over! You haven’t seen the last of Dusty Marlow! I will have my revenge! Like John Wick, but dumber and with less gun training!
Stomping out dramatically… Dusty then trips over his own shoelaces and slams into the door. Later that evening. Fitz, Bullet, Kevin, and Thester were at Goopy Goopers. Kevin, Fitz, Bullet, and Thester sit in a booth with oversized milkshakes and celebratory sundaes stacked with whipped cream and sparklers.
Kevin: To passing the test, not pulling the alarm, and proving that even chaos can be taught to parallel park!
Fitz: Cheers to that. And Thester — major props. You finally stood up for yourself and didn’t let Dusty turn you into a walking punchline.
Kevin: I was an idiot too for following along with Dusty.
Fitz: Well Dusty has that evil influence on people. As innocent as he may seem
Bullet: Yeah, you drove straight into maturity... and passed the written portion with flying colors. That’s better than most canines I know. And at least one raccoon I used to hang with.
Smiling proudly, Thester has his confidence shining.
Thester: Thanks, guys. It feels good. Like... maybe I actually belong in this crazy station after all.
They clink milkshake glasses as a slow-motion shot freezes them mid-toast. Suddenly, through the window, a figure can be seen outside: Dusty, glaring at them, dressed in black, holding a comically oversized “REVENGE” list. He scribbles Thester’s name at the top… again. Still frozen. Kevin, Thester, Fitz, and Bullet don't even notice.
Kevin: Look at us! All frozen in place. Just like the endings of the Police Squad episodes!
The End
Paradise PD
Fanfic Title:
False Alarms
By Hailey Sands
Chapter One:
Standing before his officers. Randall Crawford gives a stern look on his face. Kevin, Dusty, Gina, Stanley, Bullet, and Fitz sit slumped in their chairs. Thester is at his desk, head down.
Randall: Alright, listen up, you motley crew of mediocrity! As of next week, every single one of you – and I mean every single one – will be retaking your driver's test.
Collective groans fill the room.
Kevin: A driver's test? Dad, that's like, so... Matrix reload. Do we really need to dodge imaginary bullets on a written exam?
Randall: This isn't about imaginary bullets, Kevin! This is about the real bullets you almost hit Edna Dorseldigits' prize-winning petunias with last week! And you, Dusty, you drove the patrol car into the Goopy Goober's drive-thru twice last month!
Dusty: But the milkshake was calling to me, Chief! It was like a siren song, only instead of a mythical creature, it was a delicious, dairy-based treat!
Gina: Oh I remember that! Awesome for the record books!
Randall: No excuses! You have one week. Pass, or you're on foot patrol. And believe me, that's a fate worse than a Saw trap, especially in this humidity.
Walking out the room. Randall ends up slamming the door. Kevin slumps further.
Kevin: This is tyranny! Pure, unadulterated Randall-archy! We gotta get out of this.
Gina: If you guys are plotting to get out of this test. Leave me out of it. I'm the best cop around and I don't want to lost that. You're both on your own!
Dusty (ignoring Gina): But how, Kevin? I'm already nervous. I still have flashbacks to the time I accidentally drove into the ocean during my first test. It was like Free Willy, but with a patrol car and a lot more shame.
As his eyes light up, Kevin glances at Thester.
Kevin: I have an idea. A brilliant, Machiavellian plot worthy of a Game of Thrones character.
Stanley: You're looking at the James Mason guy! Not at me. He's British too!
Chapter Two:
Kevin and Dusty lean conspiratorially over Thester's desk.
Thester: Cheerio! Kevin and Dusty! Just finishing up this arrest report. And...done! Now what can I do for you both?
Kevin: Thester, my man, we need your… unique skillset. We need a distraction. A big one. Something to make Randall forget all about his little driving inquisition.
Dusty: Yeah! Like when the T-Rex broke out in Jurassic Park! But, you know, less… toothy.
Kevin and Dusty look at Thester as he nervously adjusts his tie.
Thester: A distraction? What kind of distraction?
Kevin: The fire alarm. We need you to pull it when Randall's least expecting it. It'll be epic! Like a scene from Ocean's Eleven, but with more incompetence and less George Clooney.
In the hallway, Bullet and Fitz walk by, overhearing.
Fitz: (To Bullet): Are you seeing this, Bullet? Kevin and Dusty are recruiting Thester. This is like watching two toddlers try to build a nuclear reactor.
Bullet (Sniffing the air): Hmm, I smell desperation… and maybe a hint of bad decisions. You know, like that time I tried to snort a line of Parmesan cheese. Not my finest hour.
Fitz: We need to stop this and fast.
Bullet: I know these things. From what I can tell, Kevin and Dusty are going to set up Thester to pull the alarm.
Fitz: Yes that's true. I've worked so hard when I was Thester's probation officer to get his life together.
Bullet: We can't let Thester fall back into his old ways.
Fitz: That's true. Instead of being a gambling street hustler, he's going to be a fire alarm prankster.
Bullet: Let's go and talk to him.
Waiting for the exact moment. Fitz and Bullet decide to talk Thester out of going through with Kevin's and Dusty's scheme.
Chapter Three:
Fitz pulls Thester outside of the Paradise Police Headquaters. Bullet stands next to him, looking concerned.
Thester: YAAAHHH! WOAH! What is this all about?
Fitz: Thester, buddy, listen to me. Kevin and Dusty are like a black hole of bad ideas. Anything they get you involved in is going to end badly. Trust me, I've seen things. Horrible things. Randall can fire you.
Bullet: He's right, Thester. They're using you, man. Like a disposable pawn in a very poorly played game of chess. Don't be their little Ferris Bueller's Day Off sidekick. You're better than that.
Thester: But… but they said I was important! They said I was like the silent, stoic hero, like Batman, but with better posture.
Fitz: They're lying, Thester. They're just trying to save their own hides.
Thester hesitates, then his shoulders slump.
Thester: I… I don't know. They seemed so… enthusiastic.
Bullet: That's what they want you to think.
Thester: I'm not a cop like all you guys. Why do I need to pass this drivers test too? I don't even drive a real car. Just a golf cart.
Fitz: You need to pass so you can go and run errands for Randall whenever he needs it.
Bullet: Tell you what. How about we both help you study.
Fitz: Yeah, that way you can rise above Kevin's and Dusty's scheme. And you can pass!
Thester: Uhhh, I don't want to let you down. So fair enough.
Bullet: Some cocaine can help you concentrate....
Fitz: Bullet, no!
Bullet (sarcastically); OKAY!
Fitz and Bullet go into the break room with Thester to help him study for the driving test.
Chapter Four:
One week later. Randall stands by a table with driver's test papers. Officers are fidgeting in their seats.
Randall: Alright, mother fuckers! Time for your moment of truth! No cheating, no funny business. I've got eyes like a hawk, and a temper like… well, like a chief who's had way too much coffee.
Gina: Ready for this one, Chief!
Stanley is about to take the test but falls asleep. Kevin and Dusty exchange a nervous glance. Thester gives them a signal to show them he is still on their side. Despite Fitz and Bullet helping him study. Fitz and Bullet were looking around to see if something suspicious was going to happen. But they both kept quiet about it.
Kevin: (Whispering to Dusty): Now!
Just as Randall starts to hand out the tests, the piercing wail of the fire alarm fills the station.
BWOOONNNG! BWOOONNNG!
Chaos erupts. Kevin and Dusty bolt for the door.
Gina: The fuck was that!
Stanley: Maybe it's William Conrad from First Alert!
Fitz: Who's going to stop that alarm!
Bullet: Sure isn't me! Everytime I hear an alarm I go.......(howling)
Randall: Kevin! Dusty! Get back here, you cowardly pieces of shit!
Kevin and Dusty are already halfway down the hall. Randall spins around, his eyes narrowing. He sees Thester, standing by the fire alarm, looking shell-shocked.
Randall: Thester! You pulled that alarm, didn't you?!
Looking terrified but resolute, Thester nods slowly.
Thester: Yes, Chief. It was me. I… I saw a really big spider. It was a tarantula, Chief! I swear! It looked like something out of Arachnophobia!
His eyes full of fury, Randall sighs in exasperation.
Randall: A spider, huh? Right. Well, you're getting a stern talking-to and two weeks of mandatory overtime. And you're still taking that driver's test!
Thester: Yes sir. I'll take whatever punishment you dish out.
Kevin and Dusty give each other a high five . Fitz and Bullet watch through the doorway.
Fitz: Damn! I thought Thester listened to us.
Bullet: Doesn't anything get through to him?
Chapter Five:
Later that week. Kevin and Dusty are laughing. Thester sits glumly at his desk. Feeling extremely guilty on the inside. Knowing he betrayed Fitz and Bullet.
Kevin: Thester, you're a legend! A true hero! You took one for the team, like when Frodo carried the ring to Mordor, but with less walking and more administrative work.
Dusty: Yeah! We're best friends now, Thester! We should totally get matching friendship bracelets. Maybe with little fire alarm charms! Or better. Made with condoms!
Thester manages a weak smile.
A few days later. In the cell block. For a private conversation. Fitz and Bullet confront Thester again.
Fitz: Thester, this is ridiculous. You're being played like a cheap fiddle. They're going to keep using you.
Bullet: Yeah, man. It's a classic user-abuse dynamic. Like me and my dealer. Except he gives me drugs, and they just give you… trouble. Get out while you can, before you become their personal Punch-Drunk Love punching bag.
Thester: But… they're my friends! They said so! They even invited me over for Larping and prank phone calls this weekend!
Fitz: Did you forget what I taught you about friends when I was your probation officer?
Thester: Yes, I know. In your own words, "Friends don't let friends take the fall for their own stupidity."
Chapter Six:
In the Paradise PD Main Room. A few days later. Randall reschedules the driving test as he stands in front of a new set of tests.
Randall: Alright, second chances are rare in this life, almost as rare as a decent cup of coffee in this station. Don't blow it.
Gina turns in her test. Randall looks at it.
Randall: Well, Gina! You pass! Here is your new license!
Gina: YEAH! I WAS THE FIRST TO PASS! SUCK ON THAT TWAT WAFFLES!
Stanley turns in his test.
Randall: THE FUCK! THIS IS ALL JUST LINES! YOU FAIL! No driving for you, ever!
Stanlet runs away crying.
Dusty sneaks glances at the fire alarm. Kevin subtly nods at him. Dusty starts to make his way towards the alarm. He reaches up, but his foot slips on a loose floorboard. He tumbles to the ground with a loud thud.
CRASH!
Randall whips his head around. He sees Dusty on the floor, near the fire alarm, looking guilty. But then he looks closer. A meticulously arranged pile of papers and a small, strategically placed banana peel lie near Dusty.
His Eyes narrow. Randall looks at Thester, who gives a barely perceptible, triumphant nod.
Randall: Dusty! What in the name of all that is holy are you doing?!
Dusty (Groaning): I… I was just… reaching for a… a very tall paperclip!
Randall: (Pointing at the banana peel) And that? Did the "very tall paperclip" also peel itself and leave a booby trap for you, you dumb fat asshole?
Thester, standing innocently by his desk, clears his throat.
Chapter Seven:
Standing at the front of the room. Randall has a clipboard firmly in hand, pacing like a warden during final inspections. The officers wait nervously as he hands out test results.
Randall: Alright, let's see who managed to not embarrass the badge this time.
He stops at Kevin.
Randall: Kevin… passed. Somehow. Maybe the DMV ran out of red ink.
Kevin (fist bumps): Yes! Vindication! I am now officially less of a hazard!
Walking along, Randall moves on.
Randall: Bullet… passed. Which is honestly disturbing. Remind me never to drive on the same highway as you.
Bullet: (Wagging tail) > Don’t worry, Chief. I’ll keep it under 90...ish.
Randall: Fitz... passed. I guess miracles do happen. Maybe I should start going to church again.
Fitz (laughs): I didn’t even bribe anyone this time. Personal growth.
Reaching Thester. Randall walks over to who looks like he’s about to pass out.
Randall: Thester... passed. And with the highest score of the group. Which tells me this test is too easy.
Over 30 times as he was blinking, Thester was now in stunned silence.
Thester: I... I did it? I actually did it?
Fitz, Bullet, and Kevin cheer and pat Thester on the back. And clap for him.
Kevin: You did it, man! You’re officially licensed to thrill—very cautiously, within posted speed limits, of course.
Reaches the final name on his list. Randall calls Dusty.
Randall: And... Dusty.
Dusty sighs deeply.
Randall: Not only did you fail... again... but security footage shows you trying to pull the fire alarm during the written portion of the exam.
Arms raised in wild frustration. Dusty ran around.
Dusty: It was part of my strategy! "Operation Smoke Bomb"! The distraction was key!
Randall: Your "strategy" has earned you a six-month ban from reapplying and a mandatory common-sense training video marathon. Good luck with that.
With his eye twitching Dusty slowly turns toward Thester, who is laughing with the others.
Dusty: You! You did this to me, Thester! You think this is over? This isn’t over! You haven’t seen the last of Dusty Marlow! I will have my revenge! Like John Wick, but dumber and with less gun training!
Stomping out dramatically… Dusty then trips over his own shoelaces and slams into the door. Later that evening. Fitz, Bullet, Kevin, and Thester were at Goopy Goopers. Kevin, Fitz, Bullet, and Thester sit in a booth with oversized milkshakes and celebratory sundaes stacked with whipped cream and sparklers.
Kevin: To passing the test, not pulling the alarm, and proving that even chaos can be taught to parallel park!
Fitz: Cheers to that. And Thester — major props. You finally stood up for yourself and didn’t let Dusty turn you into a walking punchline.
Kevin: I was an idiot too for following along with Dusty.
Fitz: Well Dusty has that evil influence on people. As innocent as he may seem
Bullet: Yeah, you drove straight into maturity... and passed the written portion with flying colors. That’s better than most canines I know. And at least one raccoon I used to hang with.
Smiling proudly, Thester has his confidence shining.
Thester: Thanks, guys. It feels good. Like... maybe I actually belong in this crazy station after all.
They clink milkshake glasses as a slow-motion shot freezes them mid-toast. Suddenly, through the window, a figure can be seen outside: Dusty, glaring at them, dressed in black, holding a comically oversized “REVENGE” list. He scribbles Thester’s name at the top… again. Still frozen. Kevin, Thester, Fitz, and Bullet don't even notice.
Kevin: Look at us! All frozen in place. Just like the endings of the Police Squad episodes!
The End
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