Categories > Cartoons > Daria > Daria's Party Addition
Daria's Party Addition – 18 – Dilemmas
By Dr T
At lunch that Wednesday, all Daria could do for a moment was blink. Finally, she said, "That has to be one of O'Neill's dumber ideas, and that's saying a lot." Daria was glad she was no longer taking that class. She wouldn't have minded continuing in DeMartino's, but was happy she did not have to stay in either O'Neill's or Barch's.
"I agree," Jane stated. "So, what do you think I should fail at?"
"When's your report due?"
"Monday."
Daria considered the possibilities, trying to ignore what the school was serving for lunch. To buy a little time, she remarked, "That's a quick turn-around for him."
Jodie and Mack sat down at the table. "Telling Daria about O'Neill's 'fail to succeed' assignment?" Mack asked.
"I don't know if I'd want to take an advanced Calculus class instead of O'Neill, but this is a very odd assignment," Jodie agreed.
"Any idea at what you intend to fail at?" Daria asked. The other three rolled their eyes.
"What do you think of it?" Jodie asked rather than answering.
"Well, the main problem with the assignment partially seems to come down to the conflict between two clichés, the second of which O'Neill ignored," Daria said after a moment's thought. "The first is, 'nothing ventured, nothing gained.' I suppose there's also 'if at first you don't succeed, try, try again' to a degree. You have to at least try something, and you usually shouldn't quit after just one try if it doesn't work. On the other hand, if you keep trying the same thing and failing, that's a sign of stupidity, or maybe insanity." She considered. "Still, it seems pretty stupid to try something you're at least fairly sure you might fail at, just to possibly learn that since you'll likely fail in the future, you may as well get used to it and try and see if you learn from it. So, no matter how what you try works out, you need to remind O'Neill, if this fits what you try, that attempting to get adults, like our parents, to go along or agree with something they initially say 'no' to is unlikely to work – they are going to place their initial reactions higher than our reasoned judgements."
That seemed to deflate Jodie. "You're right – there's no way my parents will let me back off from any activities."
Mack put a reassuring hand on her arm. "Well, I'm going to try and teach Kevin the three branches of government. He's answered it wrong every time since Fifth grade, so I doubt it will take this time."
"I wonder if O'Neill would accept my trying to wake Trent up before noon on a Saturday," Jane mused.
Daria shrugged. "I doubt any noise would actually work, but do you really want to clean up from a bucket of cold water or anything along those lines?"
"Good point," Jane had to concede. She knew Daria was likely right about what it would take to actually wake Trent up early after an evening's gig.
Mack turned to Jodie. "Is there any one thing you're doing you don't particularly want to do that your parents don't overly value? Maybe they'd let that go?"
"Or they could make Jodie replace it with something worse," Daria pointed out.
Mack and Jodie each made faces, but couldn't disagree with what Daria had said.
"I have an idea for me!" Jane stated into the ensuing silence. She turned to Daria. "Come to my place after school, and I'll see what you think of it."
dp
"Aren't you transformed yet?" Daria asked shortly after the pair had arrived at Jane's. They were in her room; Jane was rummaging around the mounds in and around her closet while Daria was facing away from the action at Jane's request.
"Almost," Jane answered. From the sound of her voice, she was moving away from her closet and towards the mirror.
Daria crossed her arms and restrained herself from sighing a third time as Jane transformed herself in some manner – Jane wouldn't say what image she was aiming for. How this might prove an exercise in failure, Daria wasn't certain, but she was not about to debate Jane about it. Both felt that the two of them had not spent nearly enough time together over the break until the previous two days, and so Daria waited fairly patiently.
"Okay, turn around."
Daria did, and gave a soft "Ah!" of shocked surprised. After a moment's consideration, Daria acknowledged, "Well, that IS a very different look." Daria thought Jane looked a bit like a Freshman auditioning for the fashion club – red belly shirt, short well-matched dress, fashionable sandals, her hair done differently, and…."
"Dare I ask where you got a teddy bear backpack?" Daria asked, refusing to comment on the rest of the ensemble, because the skirt and especially the shirt seemed a bit too tight. Jane had also managed to tie her short hair up into a very bobbed ponytail, highlighting her heart-shaped face and large blue eyes. At the moment, she was lacking her trademark red lipstick.
"Oh, these animal backpacks were the rage here two years ago," Jane informed her. "I think Brittany is the only one still using hers."
"I have always wondered why she has a bunny backpack," Daria admitted. She decided she should ask, "Err, since I take it your outfit is all from two years ago, isn't everything a little…snug?"
"Well, the sandals were a bit too large two years ago, but they seem okay now." Jane did a squat. "The skirt works." It was tight, but not too tight to move in. Jane turned back to the mirror and took a deep breath. "Well, at least you can see I have boobs now." She formed a slightly twisted smirk. "I guess I'd better add a bra that won't really show, well, me." She pulled off the shirt and went over to her dresser, searching a drawer for a bra that would work.
Daria was a bit surprised that Jane had stripped off her top as casually as that – she knew that Jane was less modest than she was, but Jane had never been this open. Still, the flashing didn't last too long. Jane again turned around, striking a pose. "Well, am I, like, conventional enough?" she asked in a pseudo-Valley Girl accent.
"Aiming to join the new fashion club?" Daria teased.
"No, but I failed pulling this look off as a Freshman; I thought I'd see if I could now."
Daria was about to respond, wondering if this actually met O'Neill's vague requirements, when the doorbell rang. "Could you get that?" Jane asked. "It's probably Tom, and I have to add one more thing."
"Right," Daria replied, leaving to comply, but thinking, 'Of course it's Tom. We couldn't spend an entire hour block of time together without him showing up.'
Grumbling, Daria opened the front door, and indeed it was Tom. "Hey, Daria," he said, pushing past her, making Daria roll her eyes. "Where's Jane?"
"She should be down soon – she's working on a stupid project for Mister O'Neill."
Before Tom could respond, Jane said as she came down the stairs. "Hey! How do you like my new look?"
Tom turned around, and it was clear he did not think much of the new look. As far as he was concerned, Jane looked like a cheap knock-off of the sillier part of the Muffy-crowd he despised most. She came up and gave him a kiss despite his frown. "Like the new lip-gloss? It's kiwi!"
"This…this is temporary, right?" he managed to say. Granted, he didn't like cleaning the lipstick stains afterwards when Jane favored him with a blowjob, but he didn't think kiwi lip gloss would be much of an improvement. That disapproving thought made him look a bit wistfully over at Daria, something both teen girls mostly missed, especially Daria.
Jane merely shrugged, ignoring his reactions. "Probably. I need to see how the idiots at school react."
"They probably won't recognize you, any more than any of them would recognize that Clark Kent and Superman were one and the same," Daria drawled. "Be glad the original fashion club is long gone, or you might have been drafted by Sandi."
"Come on, Tom! Let's go wow the peasants! See ya tomorrow," she said to Daria, leading a stunned and disapproving Tom out and leaving Daria to close the door behind herself as she left as well. She was pleased that she had Jane were still connecting in the short times they were getting together, but the brevity of those meetings was really bothering her.
dp
"How goes the experiment?" Daria asked the next day at lunch.
"Well, people do seem to recognize me; they just seem surprised," Jane admitted. "For the others in class… some aren't doing so well, while some are succeeding to fail." She frowned. "Or are they failing to succeed?"
Daria ignored the verbal confusion. "Such as?"
"Mack's…doing whatever it is we're supposed to be doing. Kevin claimed as we went into DeMartino's class that the aristocats are a branch of government."
Daria snorted a near-laugh, not really too surprised. She turned as Mack and Jodie sat down across from them. "Mack, if you really wanted to teach Kevin something he could repeat to a teacher, you should have to have tried teaching him the colors of the American flag. If he was looking at one, he'd at least have a chance of getting all three right."
Mack gave a short laugh. "Possibly," he finally said, "but I wouldn't place much money on a bet on it."
"Did you decide what to try?" Daria asked Jodie.
"Not yet," she admitted. "Can't we go on to some other topic?"
Daria was willing. "Are you three ready to take the SATs? They're about six weeks away, right?"
"Exactly," Jodie acknowledged. "You took them last year. Can you really study for them?" she asked, concerned.
"Not as such, but I can help you revise the general test-taking strategies that work, and go over the types of math questions if you'd like," Daria offered.
"Maybe you can get your parents to let you drop something to study for the SATs as part of a group," Mack suggested. "You'd still be doing something, but at least it's something that benefits you more directly."
"That might work," Jodie replied thoughtfully. "More likely they'll just make me do it anyway, so it can't hurt." She turned to Daria. "Thanks for offering. I really appreciate it."
"So do I," Mack agreed.
The three looked at Jane.
"I don't wanna do it," Jane grumbled, "but I do need it, especially the math. Thanks."
"Will Tom leave you alone long enough to study?" Daria was doubtful; Tom was good about preserving the time he needed for schoolwork and his own friends, but had no problem imposing on Jane's time, not to mention Jane and Daria's time together.
"He'd better, unless he wants to join in."
"Do you really think he'd accept anything resembling tutoring from anyone?" Daria asked. It was clear that she doubted it.
Jane shrugged. "We'll see."
dp
In fact, when Jane mentioned the idea to Tom, he offered to tutor everyone. He was surprised that Daria had already taken the tests, but didn't absorb (as he had failed to do when the subjects had been mentioned in the past) that Daria had done very well and would also be leaving for college in May. As Daria had somewhat predicted, when his offer to lead the tutorials wasn't accepted, he blew off the idea. It would take some effort on Jane's part to get him to leave her some time to study over the next few weeks.
Meanwhile, fortunately Jane's foray into conventionalism only lasted through the next Monday. When Daria joined Jane for lunch that day, she learned that many of the students had felt traumatized to some degree by the assignment. Many had tried to persuade their parents to various propositions which they felt had at least a reasonable chance of some success. Even Jodie had ended up trying something similar. All the students who had tried that approach had succeeded in the assignment, as they had all failed to convince their parents. However, each student (except for one who actually broke out in tears when trying to explain what had happened) who had done so reported they had not only failed to convince their parents, their parents had at best dismissed their arguments and at worse, had even punished them to some degree. (Jodie had had yet another summer activity now planned for her, for example, plus joining the SAT study group, all without being able to drop anything. Daria then got Jodie to tell her parents that the hour-long study sessions were actually two hours, giving her and Mack a little extra time together.)
Brittany had been removed from the cheerleaders because she had been acting far too seriously, although Jodie had assured her that morning that she would remind the others why Brittany had been acting 'strange' the previous week. Kevin would return to form during that afternoon's football practice and reclaim his place as the likely starting QB the next fall. Mack felt vaguely satisfied that he had gotten Kevin to remember two of the three branches of government, meaning 1) he had taught Kevin something, and 2) he still passed the assignment by failing to teach Kevin all three.
Daria was just glad she had been able to avoid the assignment.
dp
The following Monday, shortly after 3:00 am, Daria was having a very pleasant dream – basically replaying some of the more enjoyable passions she and Jack had shared the previous summer and Christmas break. She was startled when the downstairs, and then upstairs, smoke alarms triggered.
HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!...
It took Daria a few moments to realize what was happening.
HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!...
Daria didn't try to put on her boots or get dressed – it helped that she slept in gym shorts and a t-shirt. She slipped on her one pair of sneakers, grabbed her lined denim jacket, and was out of her bedroom very quickly, picking up her glasses and housekeys on the way.
HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!...
After exchanging a brief glance with her mother as Helen rushed towards the stairs, Daria burst into Quinn's room, where she found her sister sitting up in bed, her hands over her ears and making a face.
HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!...
Daria pulled Quinn from her bed, shoved a pair of flats and her heavy robe into her other hand, and then pushed her towards the door. Daria picked up a pair of jeans for his sister on her own way out.
HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!...
The smell of smoke was heavier, but still not visible as the sisters hurried down the stairs. They saw some smoke coming out of the kitchen when they got all the way down. Helen poked her head out and called to them, "I called Nine-one-one. Go wait in a car; we almost have it taken care of!" She went back to help in the kitchen.
HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!...
Quinn pulled on her jeans and shoes, and then put on her robe as the two went outside to the car. In less than two more minutes, the firetruck arrived, and less than ten minutes later they were finishing up.
It took a little fast talking on Daria's part, but she convinced her mother to let her go to the Lanes' rather than joining them at a motel. However, Helen knew that Daria had a key to the Lanes', and even had some clothes there since she and Jane had stayed with each other many weekends. So, after the family each packed a bag, they separated for the night.
dp
When Jane dragged herself out of bed a little after 7:00 am that morning, she was surprised to find Daria ensconced in the kitchen, coffee brewed and bread ready to be toasted. Jane's immediate response was a sleepy, "Wha…?"
Daria started the toaster, poured Jane coffee, and explained.
"I know you didn't crawl in with me. Did you sleep in Penny's room?"
Daria nodded as she sipped some coffee. She still preferred tea, but had learned to drink coffee over the summer. "I hope you don't mind. If it hadn't been in the middle of the night, I probably couldn't have convinced Mom to let me come over, so I will need to reassure her it's okay, assuming it is."
"It's fine with me…."
"Even if I were to stay two weeks, which should be at least twice as long as is likely, do you think Trent will notice? And, if he does notice, will he remember?"
Jane snorted a repressed chuckle. Even if she was exaggerating, Daria did have a point. "Like I said, it's okay with me."
Daria nodded and glanced at the clock on the somewhat grungy oven. "I'd better start walking to the bus stop." Daria usually had to rely on what passed for the town's public transportation system to get to Lawndale State (some mornings one parent or the other dropped her off) and to then take those buses to the high school every MWF. Fortunately, while there weren't all that many bus routes, there were enough that she could pull this off. She stood and left, saying as she did so, "See you at lunch."
Helen contacted the Lanes' that afternoon, and Jane assured her that 'everyone' was happy to host Daria. As for the other three Morgendorffers, their insurance allowed them to relocate to the local 3-star hotel. Jane relayed the message when Daria returned – she and Trent (who was fine with Daria's staying over) had gone over to Daria's house to retrieve more clothes and her computer and printer. They also stopped at the store – Daria picked up some basics for breakfasts as well as what she needed to make pasta and sausage for dinner.
Tom semi-tried to wrangle an invitation to dinner, even when told by both Daria and Jane that Daria had only bought food for three over two nights. Only the realization that he might have to give up some of his copious allowance to contribute towards food got Tom out of the house for two hours. He would return to pester Jane for an hour just before 8:00. Questioned by Daria, Tom acknowledged that except for some reading, he had usually had just enough time to finish any assigned homework during the school day.
And so the week went. Daria quickly became annoyed, as Tom was spending almost as much time bothering her as he was spending with Jane. That Friday and Saturday, he was even more annoying, as he tried to convince Daria to join himself and Jane at the movies, looking at wanted posters, making fun of pedestrians, and other such activities that Tom apparently enjoyed.
By now, although Tom was ignoring it, Jane was growing annoyed as well. To her surprise, the pair had not even had any sort of sex that entire week. While Tom had never been willing to have sex with Jane when Trent was home – a precaution she had gone along with despite the many times Trent had had sex with Monique and previous girlfriends when Jane was there, a few times even with his bedroom door open, not to mention the times she and Fred had indulged in her bedroom when Trent was home. Still, Tom had always been more than willing to drop his trousers for a blowjob. This week, he was refusing to do so.
Sunday, Tom was going to have to NOT bother anyone, as his parents were dragging him, protesting, to a formal get-together of their set at an estate outside of Baltimore. Jane therefore bothered Daria instead, complaining about Tom's recent actions, and lack thereof.
"You know," she concluded, "if anything, I think he's losing interest in me and starting to be interested in you."
Daria snorted in derision. "I don't know about the first, but to hell with him if he's thinking about the second."
"You wouldn't be interested?" Jane asked, curious.
"Jane!" Daria protested, "you know I'm committed to Jack. Why would you think that?"
"Well, consider the first few weeks we knew each other. Wouldn't you have said you weren't interested in any sort of relationship?"
"True," Daria agreed, but went on, "but I am in one now."
"Yeah, but Jack's in Boston; Tom would be here," Jane pointed out.
"Even if I wasn't totally sure that I am totally committed to Jack, I will be with him in four months. I would have to dump Tom in four months," Daria retorted.
"So you'd be interested in Tom if you were sticking around?" Jane was determined to either get assurances she could live with or pick a fight.
"NO!" Daria shouted angrily. Frowning as she realized that Jane was unlikely to let this idea go, Daria stated firmly, "Jane, do you know how I feel about you?"
"I…I think so," a slightly cowed Jane replied.
"And yet you think I could not only betray the man I love, but also you, to date Tom? Tom, whom, despite having some interests in common, I don't particular like?"
"Well…" Jane started, and the admitted, "I guess not…."
"You GUESS not?" Daria huffed. Jane was about to reply when she saw Daria was deep in thought.
Finally, Daria looked up. "I want you to swear to keep a secret."
"What?"
"Swear, and if you break your promise in ANY way, then as much as I care for you, I will never speak to you again."
Jane could tell Daria meant every word. She swallowed nervously, but promised.
"Okay, to ease your paranoia, at least on my end…what would be the craziest thing you can imagine Jack and I did last summer?"
"Beyond spending the summer together? I'm not sure," Jane admitted.
"Think. We spent the summer together as if…?"
Jane shrugged, and finally said, "I don't know, as if it was a trial marriage or something?"
Very seriously, Daria said. "Actually, it wasn't a trial over half the time."
Jane blinked and shook her head. "What?" she demanded after a moment.
"We got married on the Fourth of July," Daria stated simply.
Jane felt a little faint for a few seconds. Finally, she asked, "You're serious?" Daria nodded. "Was that even legal?"
"In Utah, yes," Daria replied. "Well, if Mother were to find out, she could likely find some way of having it annulled up until I turn eighteen. That's why you can't every even hint at this before Thanksgiving – that's when we're telling our parents."
That silenced Jane. There were numerous comments and questions that she wanted to get into, but finally the one she settled on was, "What do you think your parents' reactions will be?"
Daria shrugged, a little hopelessly. "We don't know. I think Dad will come around, especially if we do a recommitment ceremony of some kind over the Christmas holidays. Missus Frasier will likely be happy for us. Mister Frasier…is a question mark, but we think he'll just shake his head at our starting so young and wish us luck. Mom…Mom will likely throw a fit for a variety of reasons, from 'you're too young' to being unable to outdo cousin Erin's wedding, even if we have some sort of ceremony."
Daria smirked slightly. "Quinn will likely just want a new outfit for the ceremony, and Jeff will only care about how Quinn reacts. We doubt Joan will care." She looked at Jane. "How about you?"
"I'm stunned," Jane admitted.
"Well, think about this – if we do the 'restating our vows' thing, you'll be whatever you'd call a bridesmaid at this sort of ceremony."
Jane smiled broadly. "Really?" The smile turned into a smirk. "I won't have to wear your bridesmaid dress, will I?"
"No, I'll be wearing green or green and white if we do this, most likely the Cotillion outfit. Since it would most likely be sometime around Christmas, look into something red."
"That sounds like a good idea." Jane's expression turned serious. "Thanks for telling me." She meant that for many reasons, not just because she didn't have to worry about Daria taking Tom away.
dp
While Jane's foray into conventional dressing had lasted under a week, she became interested in finding some different way to change her look. The Saturday after the Morgendorffers moved back into their house, Jane unveiled a new painting to Daria and Tom. "The lady and the tiger! Don't you see, no reason to make a choice when you can get both!"
"Interesting," Daria mused.
"And so?" Tom asked, having a bad feeling about this.
"So, this will be my new look!" She turned to Daria. "And you're going to help."
"What?"
"Well, I can hardly do it myself," Jane pointed out. She turned to Tom. "Or would you like to help?"
Hands raised, Tom stated firmly, "Count me out!" He turned and left, with the parting shot of, "Don't eat your teddy bear, Tigress!"
Frowning, Jane turned to Daria. Before she could saw anything, Daria stated, "Look, I know nothing about dying hair. Do you?"
Jane shrugged. "How hard can it be?"
"Neither of us knows" Daria pointed out. "And this isn't just dying your hair; how would we get the stripes to look anything like your painting? Blotches I can seem, but stripes like that?"
Jane was about to answer when she realized that she didn't actually have an answer.
"Exactly," Daria stated before Jane could regroup. She thought and then gave a sigh. "Quinn and her friends are supposed to be testing a new line of blushes. I bet at least one of them would know if getting this look is possible. If it needs a professional, they'd likely know where to go, and if amateurs can do it, I'm sure they'd be willing to help us."
Jane frowned, but since Daria had agreed to the 'us, she had to agree to ask for help.
The pair found Quinn along with Tori, Stacy, and two others – the new, more informal fashion club – discussing blushes in the Morgendorffer living room to take advantage of the natural light. Shown the painting and questioned on the possibilities, the quintet debated the possibilities for nearly half an hour, taking time to examine Jane's hair. In the end, they decided it would be difficult to get the stripes, and that after a few weeks at best the hair growth would ruin the pattern.
Brooke then suggested that instead of dying in stripes, they use some temporary colors which would wash out after two or three shampoos, long before the pattern would be naturally broken up. Brooke and Jane went off to get the hair coloring, but the group would reconvene the next afternoon to color Jane's hair, as it was already after 4:00.
By Dr T
At lunch that Wednesday, all Daria could do for a moment was blink. Finally, she said, "That has to be one of O'Neill's dumber ideas, and that's saying a lot." Daria was glad she was no longer taking that class. She wouldn't have minded continuing in DeMartino's, but was happy she did not have to stay in either O'Neill's or Barch's.
"I agree," Jane stated. "So, what do you think I should fail at?"
"When's your report due?"
"Monday."
Daria considered the possibilities, trying to ignore what the school was serving for lunch. To buy a little time, she remarked, "That's a quick turn-around for him."
Jodie and Mack sat down at the table. "Telling Daria about O'Neill's 'fail to succeed' assignment?" Mack asked.
"I don't know if I'd want to take an advanced Calculus class instead of O'Neill, but this is a very odd assignment," Jodie agreed.
"Any idea at what you intend to fail at?" Daria asked. The other three rolled their eyes.
"What do you think of it?" Jodie asked rather than answering.
"Well, the main problem with the assignment partially seems to come down to the conflict between two clichés, the second of which O'Neill ignored," Daria said after a moment's thought. "The first is, 'nothing ventured, nothing gained.' I suppose there's also 'if at first you don't succeed, try, try again' to a degree. You have to at least try something, and you usually shouldn't quit after just one try if it doesn't work. On the other hand, if you keep trying the same thing and failing, that's a sign of stupidity, or maybe insanity." She considered. "Still, it seems pretty stupid to try something you're at least fairly sure you might fail at, just to possibly learn that since you'll likely fail in the future, you may as well get used to it and try and see if you learn from it. So, no matter how what you try works out, you need to remind O'Neill, if this fits what you try, that attempting to get adults, like our parents, to go along or agree with something they initially say 'no' to is unlikely to work – they are going to place their initial reactions higher than our reasoned judgements."
That seemed to deflate Jodie. "You're right – there's no way my parents will let me back off from any activities."
Mack put a reassuring hand on her arm. "Well, I'm going to try and teach Kevin the three branches of government. He's answered it wrong every time since Fifth grade, so I doubt it will take this time."
"I wonder if O'Neill would accept my trying to wake Trent up before noon on a Saturday," Jane mused.
Daria shrugged. "I doubt any noise would actually work, but do you really want to clean up from a bucket of cold water or anything along those lines?"
"Good point," Jane had to concede. She knew Daria was likely right about what it would take to actually wake Trent up early after an evening's gig.
Mack turned to Jodie. "Is there any one thing you're doing you don't particularly want to do that your parents don't overly value? Maybe they'd let that go?"
"Or they could make Jodie replace it with something worse," Daria pointed out.
Mack and Jodie each made faces, but couldn't disagree with what Daria had said.
"I have an idea for me!" Jane stated into the ensuing silence. She turned to Daria. "Come to my place after school, and I'll see what you think of it."
dp
"Aren't you transformed yet?" Daria asked shortly after the pair had arrived at Jane's. They were in her room; Jane was rummaging around the mounds in and around her closet while Daria was facing away from the action at Jane's request.
"Almost," Jane answered. From the sound of her voice, she was moving away from her closet and towards the mirror.
Daria crossed her arms and restrained herself from sighing a third time as Jane transformed herself in some manner – Jane wouldn't say what image she was aiming for. How this might prove an exercise in failure, Daria wasn't certain, but she was not about to debate Jane about it. Both felt that the two of them had not spent nearly enough time together over the break until the previous two days, and so Daria waited fairly patiently.
"Okay, turn around."
Daria did, and gave a soft "Ah!" of shocked surprised. After a moment's consideration, Daria acknowledged, "Well, that IS a very different look." Daria thought Jane looked a bit like a Freshman auditioning for the fashion club – red belly shirt, short well-matched dress, fashionable sandals, her hair done differently, and…."
"Dare I ask where you got a teddy bear backpack?" Daria asked, refusing to comment on the rest of the ensemble, because the skirt and especially the shirt seemed a bit too tight. Jane had also managed to tie her short hair up into a very bobbed ponytail, highlighting her heart-shaped face and large blue eyes. At the moment, she was lacking her trademark red lipstick.
"Oh, these animal backpacks were the rage here two years ago," Jane informed her. "I think Brittany is the only one still using hers."
"I have always wondered why she has a bunny backpack," Daria admitted. She decided she should ask, "Err, since I take it your outfit is all from two years ago, isn't everything a little…snug?"
"Well, the sandals were a bit too large two years ago, but they seem okay now." Jane did a squat. "The skirt works." It was tight, but not too tight to move in. Jane turned back to the mirror and took a deep breath. "Well, at least you can see I have boobs now." She formed a slightly twisted smirk. "I guess I'd better add a bra that won't really show, well, me." She pulled off the shirt and went over to her dresser, searching a drawer for a bra that would work.
Daria was a bit surprised that Jane had stripped off her top as casually as that – she knew that Jane was less modest than she was, but Jane had never been this open. Still, the flashing didn't last too long. Jane again turned around, striking a pose. "Well, am I, like, conventional enough?" she asked in a pseudo-Valley Girl accent.
"Aiming to join the new fashion club?" Daria teased.
"No, but I failed pulling this look off as a Freshman; I thought I'd see if I could now."
Daria was about to respond, wondering if this actually met O'Neill's vague requirements, when the doorbell rang. "Could you get that?" Jane asked. "It's probably Tom, and I have to add one more thing."
"Right," Daria replied, leaving to comply, but thinking, 'Of course it's Tom. We couldn't spend an entire hour block of time together without him showing up.'
Grumbling, Daria opened the front door, and indeed it was Tom. "Hey, Daria," he said, pushing past her, making Daria roll her eyes. "Where's Jane?"
"She should be down soon – she's working on a stupid project for Mister O'Neill."
Before Tom could respond, Jane said as she came down the stairs. "Hey! How do you like my new look?"
Tom turned around, and it was clear he did not think much of the new look. As far as he was concerned, Jane looked like a cheap knock-off of the sillier part of the Muffy-crowd he despised most. She came up and gave him a kiss despite his frown. "Like the new lip-gloss? It's kiwi!"
"This…this is temporary, right?" he managed to say. Granted, he didn't like cleaning the lipstick stains afterwards when Jane favored him with a blowjob, but he didn't think kiwi lip gloss would be much of an improvement. That disapproving thought made him look a bit wistfully over at Daria, something both teen girls mostly missed, especially Daria.
Jane merely shrugged, ignoring his reactions. "Probably. I need to see how the idiots at school react."
"They probably won't recognize you, any more than any of them would recognize that Clark Kent and Superman were one and the same," Daria drawled. "Be glad the original fashion club is long gone, or you might have been drafted by Sandi."
"Come on, Tom! Let's go wow the peasants! See ya tomorrow," she said to Daria, leading a stunned and disapproving Tom out and leaving Daria to close the door behind herself as she left as well. She was pleased that she had Jane were still connecting in the short times they were getting together, but the brevity of those meetings was really bothering her.
dp
"How goes the experiment?" Daria asked the next day at lunch.
"Well, people do seem to recognize me; they just seem surprised," Jane admitted. "For the others in class… some aren't doing so well, while some are succeeding to fail." She frowned. "Or are they failing to succeed?"
Daria ignored the verbal confusion. "Such as?"
"Mack's…doing whatever it is we're supposed to be doing. Kevin claimed as we went into DeMartino's class that the aristocats are a branch of government."
Daria snorted a near-laugh, not really too surprised. She turned as Mack and Jodie sat down across from them. "Mack, if you really wanted to teach Kevin something he could repeat to a teacher, you should have to have tried teaching him the colors of the American flag. If he was looking at one, he'd at least have a chance of getting all three right."
Mack gave a short laugh. "Possibly," he finally said, "but I wouldn't place much money on a bet on it."
"Did you decide what to try?" Daria asked Jodie.
"Not yet," she admitted. "Can't we go on to some other topic?"
Daria was willing. "Are you three ready to take the SATs? They're about six weeks away, right?"
"Exactly," Jodie acknowledged. "You took them last year. Can you really study for them?" she asked, concerned.
"Not as such, but I can help you revise the general test-taking strategies that work, and go over the types of math questions if you'd like," Daria offered.
"Maybe you can get your parents to let you drop something to study for the SATs as part of a group," Mack suggested. "You'd still be doing something, but at least it's something that benefits you more directly."
"That might work," Jodie replied thoughtfully. "More likely they'll just make me do it anyway, so it can't hurt." She turned to Daria. "Thanks for offering. I really appreciate it."
"So do I," Mack agreed.
The three looked at Jane.
"I don't wanna do it," Jane grumbled, "but I do need it, especially the math. Thanks."
"Will Tom leave you alone long enough to study?" Daria was doubtful; Tom was good about preserving the time he needed for schoolwork and his own friends, but had no problem imposing on Jane's time, not to mention Jane and Daria's time together.
"He'd better, unless he wants to join in."
"Do you really think he'd accept anything resembling tutoring from anyone?" Daria asked. It was clear that she doubted it.
Jane shrugged. "We'll see."
dp
In fact, when Jane mentioned the idea to Tom, he offered to tutor everyone. He was surprised that Daria had already taken the tests, but didn't absorb (as he had failed to do when the subjects had been mentioned in the past) that Daria had done very well and would also be leaving for college in May. As Daria had somewhat predicted, when his offer to lead the tutorials wasn't accepted, he blew off the idea. It would take some effort on Jane's part to get him to leave her some time to study over the next few weeks.
Meanwhile, fortunately Jane's foray into conventionalism only lasted through the next Monday. When Daria joined Jane for lunch that day, she learned that many of the students had felt traumatized to some degree by the assignment. Many had tried to persuade their parents to various propositions which they felt had at least a reasonable chance of some success. Even Jodie had ended up trying something similar. All the students who had tried that approach had succeeded in the assignment, as they had all failed to convince their parents. However, each student (except for one who actually broke out in tears when trying to explain what had happened) who had done so reported they had not only failed to convince their parents, their parents had at best dismissed their arguments and at worse, had even punished them to some degree. (Jodie had had yet another summer activity now planned for her, for example, plus joining the SAT study group, all without being able to drop anything. Daria then got Jodie to tell her parents that the hour-long study sessions were actually two hours, giving her and Mack a little extra time together.)
Brittany had been removed from the cheerleaders because she had been acting far too seriously, although Jodie had assured her that morning that she would remind the others why Brittany had been acting 'strange' the previous week. Kevin would return to form during that afternoon's football practice and reclaim his place as the likely starting QB the next fall. Mack felt vaguely satisfied that he had gotten Kevin to remember two of the three branches of government, meaning 1) he had taught Kevin something, and 2) he still passed the assignment by failing to teach Kevin all three.
Daria was just glad she had been able to avoid the assignment.
dp
The following Monday, shortly after 3:00 am, Daria was having a very pleasant dream – basically replaying some of the more enjoyable passions she and Jack had shared the previous summer and Christmas break. She was startled when the downstairs, and then upstairs, smoke alarms triggered.
HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!...
It took Daria a few moments to realize what was happening.
HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!...
Daria didn't try to put on her boots or get dressed – it helped that she slept in gym shorts and a t-shirt. She slipped on her one pair of sneakers, grabbed her lined denim jacket, and was out of her bedroom very quickly, picking up her glasses and housekeys on the way.
HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!...
After exchanging a brief glance with her mother as Helen rushed towards the stairs, Daria burst into Quinn's room, where she found her sister sitting up in bed, her hands over her ears and making a face.
HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!...
Daria pulled Quinn from her bed, shoved a pair of flats and her heavy robe into her other hand, and then pushed her towards the door. Daria picked up a pair of jeans for his sister on her own way out.
HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!...
The smell of smoke was heavier, but still not visible as the sisters hurried down the stairs. They saw some smoke coming out of the kitchen when they got all the way down. Helen poked her head out and called to them, "I called Nine-one-one. Go wait in a car; we almost have it taken care of!" She went back to help in the kitchen.
HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!... HONK! HONK! HONK!...
Quinn pulled on her jeans and shoes, and then put on her robe as the two went outside to the car. In less than two more minutes, the firetruck arrived, and less than ten minutes later they were finishing up.
It took a little fast talking on Daria's part, but she convinced her mother to let her go to the Lanes' rather than joining them at a motel. However, Helen knew that Daria had a key to the Lanes', and even had some clothes there since she and Jane had stayed with each other many weekends. So, after the family each packed a bag, they separated for the night.
dp
When Jane dragged herself out of bed a little after 7:00 am that morning, she was surprised to find Daria ensconced in the kitchen, coffee brewed and bread ready to be toasted. Jane's immediate response was a sleepy, "Wha…?"
Daria started the toaster, poured Jane coffee, and explained.
"I know you didn't crawl in with me. Did you sleep in Penny's room?"
Daria nodded as she sipped some coffee. She still preferred tea, but had learned to drink coffee over the summer. "I hope you don't mind. If it hadn't been in the middle of the night, I probably couldn't have convinced Mom to let me come over, so I will need to reassure her it's okay, assuming it is."
"It's fine with me…."
"Even if I were to stay two weeks, which should be at least twice as long as is likely, do you think Trent will notice? And, if he does notice, will he remember?"
Jane snorted a repressed chuckle. Even if she was exaggerating, Daria did have a point. "Like I said, it's okay with me."
Daria nodded and glanced at the clock on the somewhat grungy oven. "I'd better start walking to the bus stop." Daria usually had to rely on what passed for the town's public transportation system to get to Lawndale State (some mornings one parent or the other dropped her off) and to then take those buses to the high school every MWF. Fortunately, while there weren't all that many bus routes, there were enough that she could pull this off. She stood and left, saying as she did so, "See you at lunch."
Helen contacted the Lanes' that afternoon, and Jane assured her that 'everyone' was happy to host Daria. As for the other three Morgendorffers, their insurance allowed them to relocate to the local 3-star hotel. Jane relayed the message when Daria returned – she and Trent (who was fine with Daria's staying over) had gone over to Daria's house to retrieve more clothes and her computer and printer. They also stopped at the store – Daria picked up some basics for breakfasts as well as what she needed to make pasta and sausage for dinner.
Tom semi-tried to wrangle an invitation to dinner, even when told by both Daria and Jane that Daria had only bought food for three over two nights. Only the realization that he might have to give up some of his copious allowance to contribute towards food got Tom out of the house for two hours. He would return to pester Jane for an hour just before 8:00. Questioned by Daria, Tom acknowledged that except for some reading, he had usually had just enough time to finish any assigned homework during the school day.
And so the week went. Daria quickly became annoyed, as Tom was spending almost as much time bothering her as he was spending with Jane. That Friday and Saturday, he was even more annoying, as he tried to convince Daria to join himself and Jane at the movies, looking at wanted posters, making fun of pedestrians, and other such activities that Tom apparently enjoyed.
By now, although Tom was ignoring it, Jane was growing annoyed as well. To her surprise, the pair had not even had any sort of sex that entire week. While Tom had never been willing to have sex with Jane when Trent was home – a precaution she had gone along with despite the many times Trent had had sex with Monique and previous girlfriends when Jane was there, a few times even with his bedroom door open, not to mention the times she and Fred had indulged in her bedroom when Trent was home. Still, Tom had always been more than willing to drop his trousers for a blowjob. This week, he was refusing to do so.
Sunday, Tom was going to have to NOT bother anyone, as his parents were dragging him, protesting, to a formal get-together of their set at an estate outside of Baltimore. Jane therefore bothered Daria instead, complaining about Tom's recent actions, and lack thereof.
"You know," she concluded, "if anything, I think he's losing interest in me and starting to be interested in you."
Daria snorted in derision. "I don't know about the first, but to hell with him if he's thinking about the second."
"You wouldn't be interested?" Jane asked, curious.
"Jane!" Daria protested, "you know I'm committed to Jack. Why would you think that?"
"Well, consider the first few weeks we knew each other. Wouldn't you have said you weren't interested in any sort of relationship?"
"True," Daria agreed, but went on, "but I am in one now."
"Yeah, but Jack's in Boston; Tom would be here," Jane pointed out.
"Even if I wasn't totally sure that I am totally committed to Jack, I will be with him in four months. I would have to dump Tom in four months," Daria retorted.
"So you'd be interested in Tom if you were sticking around?" Jane was determined to either get assurances she could live with or pick a fight.
"NO!" Daria shouted angrily. Frowning as she realized that Jane was unlikely to let this idea go, Daria stated firmly, "Jane, do you know how I feel about you?"
"I…I think so," a slightly cowed Jane replied.
"And yet you think I could not only betray the man I love, but also you, to date Tom? Tom, whom, despite having some interests in common, I don't particular like?"
"Well…" Jane started, and the admitted, "I guess not…."
"You GUESS not?" Daria huffed. Jane was about to reply when she saw Daria was deep in thought.
Finally, Daria looked up. "I want you to swear to keep a secret."
"What?"
"Swear, and if you break your promise in ANY way, then as much as I care for you, I will never speak to you again."
Jane could tell Daria meant every word. She swallowed nervously, but promised.
"Okay, to ease your paranoia, at least on my end…what would be the craziest thing you can imagine Jack and I did last summer?"
"Beyond spending the summer together? I'm not sure," Jane admitted.
"Think. We spent the summer together as if…?"
Jane shrugged, and finally said, "I don't know, as if it was a trial marriage or something?"
Very seriously, Daria said. "Actually, it wasn't a trial over half the time."
Jane blinked and shook her head. "What?" she demanded after a moment.
"We got married on the Fourth of July," Daria stated simply.
Jane felt a little faint for a few seconds. Finally, she asked, "You're serious?" Daria nodded. "Was that even legal?"
"In Utah, yes," Daria replied. "Well, if Mother were to find out, she could likely find some way of having it annulled up until I turn eighteen. That's why you can't every even hint at this before Thanksgiving – that's when we're telling our parents."
That silenced Jane. There were numerous comments and questions that she wanted to get into, but finally the one she settled on was, "What do you think your parents' reactions will be?"
Daria shrugged, a little hopelessly. "We don't know. I think Dad will come around, especially if we do a recommitment ceremony of some kind over the Christmas holidays. Missus Frasier will likely be happy for us. Mister Frasier…is a question mark, but we think he'll just shake his head at our starting so young and wish us luck. Mom…Mom will likely throw a fit for a variety of reasons, from 'you're too young' to being unable to outdo cousin Erin's wedding, even if we have some sort of ceremony."
Daria smirked slightly. "Quinn will likely just want a new outfit for the ceremony, and Jeff will only care about how Quinn reacts. We doubt Joan will care." She looked at Jane. "How about you?"
"I'm stunned," Jane admitted.
"Well, think about this – if we do the 'restating our vows' thing, you'll be whatever you'd call a bridesmaid at this sort of ceremony."
Jane smiled broadly. "Really?" The smile turned into a smirk. "I won't have to wear your bridesmaid dress, will I?"
"No, I'll be wearing green or green and white if we do this, most likely the Cotillion outfit. Since it would most likely be sometime around Christmas, look into something red."
"That sounds like a good idea." Jane's expression turned serious. "Thanks for telling me." She meant that for many reasons, not just because she didn't have to worry about Daria taking Tom away.
dp
While Jane's foray into conventional dressing had lasted under a week, she became interested in finding some different way to change her look. The Saturday after the Morgendorffers moved back into their house, Jane unveiled a new painting to Daria and Tom. "The lady and the tiger! Don't you see, no reason to make a choice when you can get both!"
"Interesting," Daria mused.
"And so?" Tom asked, having a bad feeling about this.
"So, this will be my new look!" She turned to Daria. "And you're going to help."
"What?"
"Well, I can hardly do it myself," Jane pointed out. She turned to Tom. "Or would you like to help?"
Hands raised, Tom stated firmly, "Count me out!" He turned and left, with the parting shot of, "Don't eat your teddy bear, Tigress!"
Frowning, Jane turned to Daria. Before she could saw anything, Daria stated, "Look, I know nothing about dying hair. Do you?"
Jane shrugged. "How hard can it be?"
"Neither of us knows" Daria pointed out. "And this isn't just dying your hair; how would we get the stripes to look anything like your painting? Blotches I can seem, but stripes like that?"
Jane was about to answer when she realized that she didn't actually have an answer.
"Exactly," Daria stated before Jane could regroup. She thought and then gave a sigh. "Quinn and her friends are supposed to be testing a new line of blushes. I bet at least one of them would know if getting this look is possible. If it needs a professional, they'd likely know where to go, and if amateurs can do it, I'm sure they'd be willing to help us."
Jane frowned, but since Daria had agreed to the 'us, she had to agree to ask for help.
The pair found Quinn along with Tori, Stacy, and two others – the new, more informal fashion club – discussing blushes in the Morgendorffer living room to take advantage of the natural light. Shown the painting and questioned on the possibilities, the quintet debated the possibilities for nearly half an hour, taking time to examine Jane's hair. In the end, they decided it would be difficult to get the stripes, and that after a few weeks at best the hair growth would ruin the pattern.
Brooke then suggested that instead of dying in stripes, they use some temporary colors which would wash out after two or three shampoos, long before the pattern would be naturally broken up. Brooke and Jane went off to get the hair coloring, but the group would reconvene the next afternoon to color Jane's hair, as it was already after 4:00.
Sign up to rate and review this story