Categories > Cartoons > Biker Mice from Mars
The characters from Take My Muffin go on a Hawaiian Vacation.
0Unrated
Back in the fanfic game again. Now I'm going to write for Take My Muffin. A Youtube series I discovered when a collegue of mine introduced me to it. As for Paradise PD fanfics, although I'm still a super fan. I've gone as far as I could with it. Ran out of ideas for that. I want to try new things now.
My upcoming promising fanfic Mayor I Shrunk The Hicks in cancelled indefinitely. Sorry for the inconveince.
Take My Muffin
fanfic title:
Vacation Had To Kill Away
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
One day at the Palo Alto International Airport. A unicorn with memory loss named Korney and his friends: Rok a Three Eyed Cat. Draka, a demonic female lawyer. Dr Noper, a scientist who works for Rok. UD a robot. And a potato named Mojo who acts like a child. The group of friends are in the airport terminal watching airplanes take flight. Waiting for their cue to get on a plane to their vacation in Honolulu.
Rok (mumbles under his breath): Too bad those Customs Agents would not let us take our muffins on this trip!
Draka: Rok! I can't believe we're actually going on vacation!
Korney: I'm excited too! Get away from using my boogers for drugs.
Draka: This resort has so many activities! Parasailing, snorkeling. This place has the works!
Dr. Noper: We can go whale watching!
Draka grabs Korney by the collar of his shirt!
Korney: Hey! What gives?
Draka: You're not doing shit with us! Rok has worked so hard to get us money for this vacation! And we are spending it to romantically connect with each other! Alone!
Korney: All right. I guess I'll just hang out with Mojo then.
Mojo: No can do. UD and I are going to do some sight seeing so we can post pics on his social media sites and brag to his friends.
UD: We're hoping this vacation will give me social media fame.
Korney: This vacation isn't going to be up to my liking.
Dr. Nopey: HEY! You stop trying to cling onto your friends! Be indepent. I lived through the recession and four seasons of Men Behaving Badly! I did it all myself!
A cellphone rings and Rok answers it. On the other end it was Blonde, Leprechaun and Piggy.
Rok: Blonde? Leprechaun and Piggy?
Blonde: You going to Hawaii?
Rok: Yes I am. Why do you guys ask?
Leprechaun: We need your help!
Rok: No can do. I'm afraid I'm going out of town. I guess I can access the.....
Draka gets up and slaps Rok on the shoulder.
Rok: What is your problem, bitch! Do you always get like this when we go on vacation?
Draka: You promised on this trip you won't work on vacation.
Rok: I promise stuff all the time. It means nothing.
Draka: So help me. If you work through another vacation. I swear to God we're going to that Realtionship Seminar we saw on TV!
Rok (begging): Oh no! Not "Oh No He Didn't Oh Yes He Did!"
Imagining himself on the show. A female host is about to berate Rok. Draka vents to the female host.
Draka: He promised me he was going to forget about work on our vacation!
Female Host: Aaaanndd....
Draka: He went to work anyway!
Female Host: Oh No He Didn't!
Audience of Women: OH YES HE DID!
Rok sinks back in his seat in shame. The imagination sequence ends.
Still haven't answered the cellphone call he got. Blonde, Piggy, and Leprechaun were still waiting for Rok to respond.
Blonde: HEL-LO!
Piggy: Earth to Rock!
Leprechaun: Are you in or are you out?
Rok: So angry and flat chested. (talks on cellphone) Sorry guys. I'm on vacation!
Looking at Draka. She smiles at Rok knowing he made the right choice.
Korney: Uhhh, I think it's time to board our flight you guys!
Rok, Draka, Korney, Dr Noper, UD and Mojo all board their flight to Honolulu Hawaii.
Scene 2:
After a long 4 hour flight. Rok and Draka were at the resort. It was aptly named Island Hotel. Rok and Draka were admiring the ocean view.
Draka (signs contently): Uhhh, see? Isn't this nice and relaxing?
Rok: You know it really is. I don't miss our drug house at all. In fact, I'm going to email a photo of us to Blonde, Leprechan, and Piggy! On the subject line I'm going to write "SUCK IT". To show them they're there and we're here.
A Hawaiian man who is a gardener that worked at the resort was spraying a hose. Rok asked him to take their picture.
Rok: Excuse me, sir. Would you mind taking our picture?
Gardener: I'd be happy to.
Rok: It's a phone with a camera in it.
Gardener: I know I have the same one.
Rok: A five GS top of the line.
Gardener: Yes, I five GS. I know what you're talking out.
The Gardener takes out his five GS phone.
Rok: You're a gardener.
Gardener: You're right. Smile!
Taking their picture, Rok and Draka pose. The Gardener leaves. Just then an old man who was an outdoor actitivies directors introduces himself to Rok and Draka. His name is Ron.
Ron: Hey, I'm Ron. I'm the outdoor activities director.
Draka: Just sign us up for everything!
Ron: HA HA! Your eagerness is inspiring. We can do this. (does a jump with one foot in the air) Oh my gosh I did it! That TikTok trend! The invisible box challenge! I've never done that before, my confidence is soaring! I'm going to try Dancing Small Potatoes.
Draka and Rok were looking at Ron with confusion.
Ron (stepping around and singing): Small potatoes ! Small potatoes! Small potatoes!
Rok's cellphone rings and it's Blonde, Leprechaun, and Piggy again.
Ron: You better get that.
Rok (checks cellphone): It's my bosses.
Draka (angerly): ROK!
Rok (presses ignore button): No work on vacation. That's my motto.
Gardener: And my motto is "don't cry because it's over. smile because it happened".
Rok: Why is this guy one upping me! Why am I in competition with a gardener?
Scene 3:
In another part of Honolulu. Korney tries to find something to do to have fun.
Korney: Maybe there's something here that can help me get my memory back.
Looking around, Korney sees Activity Huts. Korney spots one for eldery people and walks inside. The eldery people were playing bingo. Korney goes to the chaparone who is a flamingo.
Korney: Excuse me, where can I find an Activity Hut for adults with memory loss?
Chaperone: This is the only hut. (offers him a cookie) Chocolate Chip?
Korney (slaps the cookie): Chocolate Slip!
Walking out of the hut. Korney runs into a Iguana tourist.
Korney: Dude. Run. This place is the worst.
Iguana: Oh but run where? (whispers to Korney) I have heard it rumored that on the other side of this isle lies a beach whose patrons are au natural.
Korney: What's your name?
Iguana: My name is Milo. What's yours?
Korney: I'm Korney!
Milo: Ahhh, nice to meet you Korney.
Korney: My friends took me here on vacation. But they want to do their thing without me.
Milo: Let me guess, they think you're too dependent on them? Am I right!
Korney: YES! How did you know?
Milo: I have my ways. I'm quite a good judge of character!
Korney: So, anyway. Where can I find this au natural beach?
Milo: Yes, but term and conditions apply. We have to go through many obstacles and dangers to get there. Are you still willing to go?
Korney: Well I'm usually a paltroon weakling. I'm the unicorn version Adam Sandler in Punch Drunk Love.
Milo: That doesn't answer my question? Want to go or no?
Korney: Sure! Let's do it to it!
Milo: It's settled. Come along let's go.
The Flamingo Chaperone comes up to Korney and Milo with a knife.
Korney (Joe Pesci impression): I'm funny like a clown, I amuse you? GET OUTTA HE-YEAH!
The Flamingo Chaperone runs away.
Milo: Wow! That's the spirit!
Korney: Yeah, my friends took me in to try to help me with my memory loss. They ended up taking my boogers that they claim to be memory pills. Instead of giving them to me to help with my memory. They all give them to criminals they don't like and out the pills inside muffins.
Milo: Sad. The way you're being used like this.
Korney with Milo leading the way, go try to find the Nude Beach.
Scene 4:
In the senior section of The Island Resort. Dr Nopey finds himself in line for a buffet. Dr. Nopey decides to pretend to be a rich widower.
Dr Nopey: Hmmm, what can I do here? How can I convince people here I'm a rich widower?
An eldery couple stands before Dr Nopey as he tries to make conversation with them.
Dr. Nopey: What a lovely couple.
The senior couple notice Dr. Nopey.
Dr Nopey: So which one of you is the man?
The senior couple looked away. Then Dr. Nopey tries once more to get their attention.
Dr Nopey: Oh Muriel. You were always good at small talk. What am I gonna do without you? Who's going to set the recorder so I don't miss Tulsa King!
An old woman standing behind Dr. Nopey begins to speak to him.
Senior Lady: Tulsa Kings? I love that show. Never missed an epsiode! But if I did, it was a rerun...
Dr. Nopey: Because they're all the same!
The senior lady and Dr. Nopey find themselves laughing together.
Senior Lady: I'm LaTanya.
Dr Nopey: You can call me Doctor. Nice to meet you.
LaTanya: This is my first vacation since my husband died.
Dr. Nopey: This is my first without Muriel.
LaTanya: Here, you want a mint?
Dr Nopey (takes the mint): Oooooh! Those people who make these whoever they are sure know how to make a shitty candy!
LaTanya: You got quite a sense of humor! I like that in a man!
Dr. Nopey: Oooh! Marry me! Let's run away together!
LaTanya: We just meet! But I'll think about it.
Dr. Nopey: Wonderful! Splendid!
Still standing in line at the seinior buffet. LaTanya and Dr. Nopey decide to hang out together.
Scene 5:
In another part of the Island Resort. In a tiki hut big enough to be a hotel room. UD was looking through his cellphone for pictures to include on social media. While Mojo was in the bathroom getting high on weed.
UD: Fuck! All of these pics I took are shit! How am I supposed to impress my social media friends with these?
Mojo was moaning in the bathroom. UD began to bang on the door wanting him to come out.
UD: HEY! YOU! You've been in there for 2 hours getting high! Come out already. I want your opinion on these pics I took.
Mojo staggered out of the bathroom.
UD: Finally! Come take a look at this pics I took of the trip!
Mojo (looks at the pics on the cellphone): Dude, these pics are a shitty ass trainwreck! Very terrible.
UD: No, duh! Tell me about it!
Mojo: Well, I guess this is it. You've been on social media for 2 years and your days of trying to impress your freinds is over.
UD sits on the chair looking depressed. Mojo lights up another marijuana joint.
Scene 6:
Draka and Rok are playing ping pong on the beach. Draka hits the ball and it almost lands into the ocean.
Rok: Draka. If you want to get to 10 you need to put the ball in my direction. (swings the paddle): See where my swing is? You're jamming me up!
Draka: It's not about getting to "10". It's about enjoying each other.
Rok (cynically); Oh yes. It's fun getting to 8 and once to 9! And never to 10!
The cellphone rings and it's Blonde, Leprechaun, and Piggy again trying to reach Rok. Then Rok puts his cellphone back in his pockey.
Draka (demanding): Come on! No phone calls! Service! (swings her paddle!)
Rok hits the ping pong ball far as a lifeguard truck goes by. Rok hits the ping pong ball into the lifeguard truck. Draka runs after it.
Draka: Got it!
The cellphone keeps ringing. As soon as Draka was out of sight, Rok goes to answer his cellphone.
Rok: Hey, Blonde, Piggy, and Leprechaun!
Blonde: Rok Yen! I happened to find something interesting when I was zooming in the "Suck It" photo you sent us.
Rok: Why would you zoom in?
Leprechaun: Oh no reason..... (looking at Draka's breasts in the picture)
Piggy (slaps Leprechaun away): The man in the background we discovered is a serial killer named Borax The Bone Chopper. A war criminal who's been in hiding for years.
Rok: Let me guess, Vietnam?
Blonde: No, one of those gulf wars I think.
Rok: We've seen him. He told us he's an outdoor activities director.
Leprechaun: He's a fucking monster!
Zooming in on the picture of Ron in the background. Blonde pulled up a picture of Ron aka Borax the Bone Chopper standing on a pile of burned bodies almost to a point where one can see their skeleton. The picture proved to be a match.
Piggy: We need you to kill him!
Rok: Guys I'm on vacation! And I promised my girlfriend I would not work.
Leprechuan: Rok! Are you crazy! We're giving you an opportunity to bring down a war criminal!
Piggy: And you'll super huge big payoff for it!
Rok: A payoff!?!?!
Imagining what the big payoff would be. Rok pictures in his mind a bunch of game show style prizes. The grand prize was a car with a nude female model on it.
Rok: Guys! You can count on me!
Draka (runs back to the beach): I got the ping pong ball back! Let's do this! (hits the ball too far)
Rok and Draka see the Gardener from earlier playing ping pong with his son.
Gardener: 98, 99....100! YAY!
Rok (rolling his eyes): That guy.
Scene 7:
In another part of Island Resort. There was an activitys center. Rok, Draka, and a bunch of other tourists were there. An instructor was telling them how to make magnet necklaces.
Instructor: Today we're going to learn the ancient art of making Magnet Necklaces.
Draka: Look how awesome this is. No friends, no work. Just you and me.
Looking away for a while. Rok sees Ron now known as Borax the Bone Chopper walk into a Dolphin Cove.
Rok: I'm going to go make sure that the people outside the resort are in super poverty.
Getting up from his seat at the activities table. Rok walks off. Draka watches the Instructor.
Instructor: To make your necklace. First you need to bind up this silver straw....
In another part of Honolulu. Milo and Korney find themselves climbing up a mountain. Milo was keeping up the momentum. Korney was almost out of breath. Once they both reached to the top. Milo leads Korney to what looks like a lush green land. Thinking it was going to be the nude beach. Instead it was a bunch of horses munching grass.
Korney: I was expecting to see the nude beach!
Milo: To quote Sean Connery in that 1998 Avengers movie. This is merely the beginning!
Korney: From what I can tell. it's too far away. We'll never make it there.
Milo: I have a plan. We mount a wild steed of our choosing. Then it will wisk us away to the nude beach.
Korney: Uhhhh okay. It sounds like a really bad idea. Oh hell! Let's go for it!
Milo and Korney climb up a medium rock. Then jump on a horse. The horse makes a startling neigh sound as he jumps into the air and runs away. Before they knew it. Korney and Milo were riding!
Korney: All right! It's working!
The horse comes to a screeching halt and throws both Milo and Korney onto the ground. The horse starts beating up on Korney, who screams like he's being killed. Milo watches. The horse's leg gets caught onto Korney's backpack. Then the horse begins to run. Milo gets on Korney's back as if to ride on him.
Milo: Yes! Yes! Yes! I knew it! We'll be there in no time!
Korney (fearfully): MMMYYYY BBBBOOOONNNNEEEESSSSS!!!!
Scene 8:
At the Dolphin Cove. Rok catches up to Borax the Bone Chopper. Who's in a pool with dolphins. Rok gets some of Korney's nose boogers ready that he made into drugs.
Rok: Get away from that bad bad guy. You sweet dolphins.
Shooting the nose boogers like marbles. Rok has Borax the Bone Chopper in his sights. However, the dolphin jumps in front of Borax and gets the drugs in it's mouth! Then another dolphin comes in from of Borax and Rok tries once more to shoot like drugs like a marble, the other dolphin gets the nose booger in it's mouth. Now the new dolphins are running around on a drug high even having sex with each other.
Rok: SHIT!
From behind Rok, Draka had followed him.
Draka: ROK!
Rok (turns around to see Draka) Hi, there! (nervously chuckles).
Draka: While you were out looking for poor people, you missed the entire class!
Rok: While we're here. Let's just do the Dolphin Expirence.
Biologist (walks up to Rok and Draka): Sorry. There's no need for that. The dolphins for some reason are acting rabid and fucking everyone they see!
Turning around, Rok, The Biologist, and Draka see the dolphins go around humping the tourists who are screaming filthy bloody rape.
Scene 9:
At the bar of the Island Resort. UD and Mojo were having some drinks.
UD (sighs sadly): Well, here's to my social-less media.
Mojo: Well, I guess I'll lay off my weed.
As UD and Mojo were drinking. A couple came to join them.
Man: Excuse me. Did you guys say you need help to improve hits on your social media?
UD: Not that it's any of your business but yes.
Woman: We used to be like you. Not getting any hits on our social media. But then we turned it around!
Mojo: HOW?!
Man: We post videos of ourselves having key parties. The movie The Ice Storn inspired us. Here's our number. Think about it.
The couple gave UD and Mojo a piece of paper with a phone number on it, and walked off.
UD: We will certainly keep you in mind! (to Mojo): What a couple of fucking freaks!
Mojo (screams): FFFRREEEAAAKKKSSS!
UD: We don't have to go to key parties to improve my social media status! You thinking what I'm thinking?
Mojo: How about we LARP!
Moments later, UD and Mojo were outside of the Island Resort dressed as knights from Medeval times. UD was filming it on his cellphone.
UD: Good thing we're big Monty Python fans, hey!
Mojo: You're right! This Holy Grail LARP was fucking A! That was fun!
Going on his cellphone to see how many hits he got, UD sees he still didn't get any hits on his social media.
UD: Well, this is a fucking terrible feeling.
Mojo: Yes it was. We went way out of our way for nothing!
Scene 10:
At the pool area of the Island Resort. Dr Nopey and LaTanya were laying on lounge chairs.
Dr Nopey: Now that I'm reaching old age. I'm beginning to get catacrats on my eyes. (shows LaTanya a book); I need large print books!
The book Dr Nopey shows LaTanya has big letters.
LaTanya: Don't be so hard on yourself. You can pass for a man in his early 70's!
Dr Nopey: You LaTanya Isaaksion are what you what my Grandmother would call a La-Coconut! She was from the old country. Don't miss her.
Noticing a fannypack LaTanya was wearing. Dr. Nopey decides to keep up the conversation.
Dr. Nopey: You have any sunblock in your fannypack?
LaTanya: Uhhh, it's my urine bag.
Dr Nopey: Hey! Look on the bright side. You're alive. It doesn't matter where your shit goes. Getting mine to go anywhere at all is a bit to do.
LaTanya looks into Dr Nopey with loving eyes and takes his hand.
Dr. Nopey: LaTanya Isaaksion? Would you like to go into the luau with me tonight?
LaTanya: Oh yes! yes! Yes! 1000 times yes!
On the other side of the Island resort pool. Rok and Draka are laying on lounge chairs by the pool. Rok looks around for any sign of Borax The Bone Chopper.
Draka: (sighs) Isn't this wonderful. You and me together.
Rok's cellphone buzzes and he answers it. There was a text from an either Blonde, Lephrechaun or Piggy that reads, "DID YOU KILL THE TARGET YET?"
Draka: No obstacles, just relaxation.
Rok (bolting up from the lounge chair): Draka! Can I go get you a drink?
Draka: No I'm good!
Rok: Uhhh, how about some sunblock?
Draka: Nah, I'm fine Rok. All I want to do is lay here with you.
Rok: I promised my buddy Adam I'd help him move. Hate to leave you but I'm the one with the SUV!
As Rok runs off. What Rok didn't know was he left his cellphone by mistake. Rok's cellphone buzzes once more and Draka goes to pick it up. Draka acts shocked and apalled at what she sees is a text from Blonde, Leprechaun and Piggy that reads, "KILL THE TARGET ROK!"
Draka: That son of a bitch is working!
Scene 11:
At a forest. Korney was injured from the horse ride incident earlier. He can barely keep up with Milo.
Milo: Come along.
Korney: I'm doing the best I can Milo. That horse really did a number on me.
Walking out of the forest. Milo leads Korney to a cliff.
Korney: Oh fuck it to hell! We need to go back!
Milo: Hogwash! (grabbing huge leaves) What we must do is tie these on our arms and we'll fly our way there!
Korney finds Milo tying giant leaves to Korney's arms and his arms as well.
Milo: Forgot to mention. These are banana leaves.
Korney: Your last idea was terrible. If this is the way to the nude beach...Let's do it!
Trying with all his might to use the banana leaves like wings. Korney runs off the cliff while trying to fly off the cliff, only to fall face downwards on the ground.
Korney: WWWOOOAAAAHHHH! Why must I be a unicorn with memory loss on vacation?
Scene 12:
Meeting LaTanya at the Luau. Dr. Nopey waits impatently. A waiter with drinks walks up to Dr Nopeys table.
Dr Nopey: You won't believe this, waiter! I met a very nice woman today! She said she can never get tired of my laugh (giggles)
LaTanya arrives, but with another eldery man.
Dr. Nopey (gasps): Guess he must've met someone else. Someone much younger. Excuse me waiter, don't you?
Marching over to LaTanya and her supposed new boyfriend. Dr. Nopey confronts her.
Dr. Nopey: What happened to our plans LaTanya?
LaTanya: I apologize. I've never seen you before in my life. (whispers to her boyfriend): Poor man. His Alzheimers is so terrible.
Dr Nopey watches in dispair when LaTanya walks away with her new boyfriend.
LaTanya: Fuck off you old cock!
Dr Nopey (cries): LaTanya Isaaksion! You are a bad woman! Go sit on a pin cushion! With sewing needles! (runs away sobbing)
The people on the tables at the luau were talking to each other in different languages as they saw what happened between LaTanya and Dr. Nopey.
Scene 13:
In the hotel room in the Island Resort. Rok was loading up his sling shot. That was until Draka broke through the door to confront him.
Draka: YOU!
Jumping into the air, dropping a marble-sized booger from Korney's nose on the floor.
Rok: Draka! What the—The door!
Draka: Don't you 'Draka' me, you lying, three-eyed excuse for a criminal mastermind! You were supposed to be getting me a drink!
She held up his cellphone, the screen glowing with the damning text: "KILL THE TARGET ROK!"
Draka: You promised me! "No work on vacation," you said!
Rok: Okay, okay! You caught me. But, to be fair, this isn't just any job. We're talking about Borax The Bone Chopper—a war criminal! He's that dude who was called Ron. Plus, there's a huge payoff!
Draka: A payoff? You almost ruined our romantic getaway for a glorified bonus! The relationship seminar is back on, Rok! "Oh No He Didn't Oh Yes He Did!" here we come!
Rok: Wait! Hear me out! I was trying to protect you! I knew you wouldn't let me do it, and this guy—he's dangerous! The gardener, the outdoor activities director—it's him! Borax! He's right here in the resort!
The anger in Draka seemed to deflate slightly, replaced by a cold, calculating look.
Draka: Borax... the Bone Chopper? Are you serious?
Rok: Dead serious. Blonde zoomed in on the photo I sent. He’s been in hiding for years.
Draka, being the demonic female lawyer she was momentarily impressed despite herself.
Draka: A war criminal? That's... a much better target than some low-level debtor. Fine. If you're going to work, then I'm working too. You're not going to take on a highly trained, bone-chopping maniac by yourself and risk both our lives for a chance at a prize car. We'll split the mission and the payoff. This vacation just got interesting.
She cracked her knuckles. Then Draka displayed a wicked smile spreading across her face.
Rok: A relationship seminar and a dangerous assassination mission? This is the most quality time we’ve ever spent together! So, what’s the plan, lawyer?
Draka: We go find Ron, the outdoor activities director, and put an end to his retirement plan. First, we need more of Korney’s “memory pills.” The more boogers, the better.
Rok: Already ahead of you! They’re in my bag! Let’s go kill a war criminal!
Draka: And then, we're having a very serious talk about commitment, Rok.
Rok: Fair enough.
Scene 14:
Sitting alone at the luau. Dr Nopey nursing his drink and sobbing softly over LaTanya's betrayal.
Dr. Nopey: I was good to her! I almost looked away from her urine bag fannypack! Who's going to set the recorder for Tulsa King now?!
He wiped his eyes with a paper napkin. He thought of his friends: Rok and Draka, finally connecting. UD and Mojo, out there somewhere trying to be famous; and Korney, probably getting beaten up by a local.
Dr. Nopey: Be independent, huh? I lived through four seasons of Men Behaving Badly! I can survive one lousy Hawaiian vacation!
He stood up, suddenly resolute.
Dr. Nopey: No more pretending to be a rich widower! I'm Dr. Nopey, dammit! I'm going to find my friends, because even if they're all insane, they’re my insane. And besides, someone needs to make sure Korney doesn't ingest the entire resort.
Marching out of the luau. Dr Nopey heading to find the others.
UD and Mojo were still outside the resort, glumly staring at UD's cellphone. Zero hits on their medieval LARP video.
UD: I don’t get it! What's wrong with a little British humor every now and then.
Mojo: Yeah, but we didn’t even have a bridge keeper or a shrubbery. We just had... bad costumes.
Suddenly, a loud, panicked screaming came from the direction of the Dolphin Cove. Tourists were running, terrified, while two dolphins, clearly high and aggressively amorous, pursued them.
UD: Holy shit! What is that?
Mojo: FUCK! those dolphins are horny!
With his eyes going wide. UD quickly switched his cellphone camera back on.
UD: This is it! Mojo, start running! Scream like you’ve never screamed before! We're filming a nature documentary!
Mojo: But the high dolphins are right—
UD: Go! For the hits!
Mojo, still fully dressed in his knight costume, ran screaming past the aggressive, drug-crazed dolphins. UD, filming the entire chaotic scene—the terrified tourists, the sexually aggressive dolphins, and Mojo's panicked escape—got it all on camera.
Later, sitting on a bench, UD checked his phone.
UD: One million hits! We did it, Mojo! We went viral!
Mojo: What was the title?
UD: "Dolphin Sex-Raid on Hawaiian Resort: Knightly Escape!"
Mojo: (Lighting a joint) At least it's not a key party, but I'll take it.
Korney was lying in a heap at the bottom of the cliff, winded and still wearing the broken banana leaves on his arms. Milo, the iguana, stood over him.
Milo: Well, that didn't work. The leaves must have been too ripe.
Korney: (Weakly) My bones... my poor bones.
Milo: But look!
Pointig below the cliff edge. Hidden from view from the main paths. Milo shows Korney there was a small, secluded beach. Several tourists, completely in the nude, were relaxing by the water.
Korney: The au natural beach! We made it!
Milo: See? I told you. Terms and conditions apply, but the destination is worth the journey.
Korney: I feel so... independent! And... naked!
He looked down at his clothes.
Korney: Wait, I’m not naked! I'm in sweat pants and a hoodie!
Milo: You're close enough. Now, come along, Korney. I see an older woman making sandcastles... she looks like she could use a memory-loss unicorn to talk to.
Korney: I think I’ll pass on the sandcastles. But I’m ready for the next adventure, Milo! No friends needed!
Standing up wincing slightly Korney then sports on a smiled—a genuine, confident smile.
Scene 15:
Rok and Draka found Borax The Bone Chopper, a.k.a. Ron, preparing for a sunset limbo competition on the main beach. Draka had a handful of Korney’s nose-booger drugs, while Rok had the fully loaded slingshot.
Draka: We need to hit him clean. The drug is fast-acting, but he’s a trained killer. We get one shot.
Rok: Distraction first.
Grabbing a coconut from a nearby stand, Rok hurled it toward Borzax The Bone Chopper formerly known as Ron. It landed with a thud.
Borax The Bone Chopper: Hey! Who did that?!
Stepping forward, Draka finds herself holding the bag of booger-marbles.
Draka: Ron, or should I say Borax The Bone Chopper!
Ron aka Borax turned, a predatory glint in his eye, dropping his cheerful, old-man facade instantly.
Borax The Bone Chopper: How did you—?
Rok, using the moment Ron’s attention was on Draka, fired the slingshot. The booger-drug pellet flew with a snap, hitting Ron squarely in the neck.
Borax The Bone Chopper: (Coughing) You little—
The drug hit his system instantly. Borax's eyes glazed over, and he began to shake, twitching violently before running off, screaming incoherently, and immediately tackling the gardener's son, confusing the boy for a palm tree he needed to "water."
Draka: Target neutralized! Not dead, but effectively out of commission and a complete mess! The authorities will handle the rest.
Rok: And we get the payoff! That's my girl! (He scooped her up for a celebratory hug) You were amazing!
Draka: (Pleased) You weren't half bad yourself, Rok. You're my hero! My Knight In Shining Armour! Forget that Couples Seminar!
Rok: Let's celebrate! Want to have sex while whale watching? I hear the boat is really big.
Feeling proud and pleased. Draka was truly happy. Delivering that wicked smile.
Draka: How about we try to find the others? Then we'll watch the whales!
Rok: Great plan! Maybe the whales will get some inspiration! If you know what I mean!
They walked off the beach to find Korney, UD, Dr. Nopey, and Mojo. Then they'll be ready to enjoy the rest of their chaotic, successful, and finally shared vacation.
THE END
A/N: This is my first time writing for Take My Muffin. So please do not any write reviews just to try to correct me about anything!
My upcoming promising fanfic Mayor I Shrunk The Hicks in cancelled indefinitely. Sorry for the inconveince.
Take My Muffin
fanfic title:
Vacation Had To Kill Away
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
One day at the Palo Alto International Airport. A unicorn with memory loss named Korney and his friends: Rok a Three Eyed Cat. Draka, a demonic female lawyer. Dr Noper, a scientist who works for Rok. UD a robot. And a potato named Mojo who acts like a child. The group of friends are in the airport terminal watching airplanes take flight. Waiting for their cue to get on a plane to their vacation in Honolulu.
Rok (mumbles under his breath): Too bad those Customs Agents would not let us take our muffins on this trip!
Draka: Rok! I can't believe we're actually going on vacation!
Korney: I'm excited too! Get away from using my boogers for drugs.
Draka: This resort has so many activities! Parasailing, snorkeling. This place has the works!
Dr. Noper: We can go whale watching!
Draka grabs Korney by the collar of his shirt!
Korney: Hey! What gives?
Draka: You're not doing shit with us! Rok has worked so hard to get us money for this vacation! And we are spending it to romantically connect with each other! Alone!
Korney: All right. I guess I'll just hang out with Mojo then.
Mojo: No can do. UD and I are going to do some sight seeing so we can post pics on his social media sites and brag to his friends.
UD: We're hoping this vacation will give me social media fame.
Korney: This vacation isn't going to be up to my liking.
Dr. Nopey: HEY! You stop trying to cling onto your friends! Be indepent. I lived through the recession and four seasons of Men Behaving Badly! I did it all myself!
A cellphone rings and Rok answers it. On the other end it was Blonde, Leprechaun and Piggy.
Rok: Blonde? Leprechaun and Piggy?
Blonde: You going to Hawaii?
Rok: Yes I am. Why do you guys ask?
Leprechaun: We need your help!
Rok: No can do. I'm afraid I'm going out of town. I guess I can access the.....
Draka gets up and slaps Rok on the shoulder.
Rok: What is your problem, bitch! Do you always get like this when we go on vacation?
Draka: You promised on this trip you won't work on vacation.
Rok: I promise stuff all the time. It means nothing.
Draka: So help me. If you work through another vacation. I swear to God we're going to that Realtionship Seminar we saw on TV!
Rok (begging): Oh no! Not "Oh No He Didn't Oh Yes He Did!"
Imagining himself on the show. A female host is about to berate Rok. Draka vents to the female host.
Draka: He promised me he was going to forget about work on our vacation!
Female Host: Aaaanndd....
Draka: He went to work anyway!
Female Host: Oh No He Didn't!
Audience of Women: OH YES HE DID!
Rok sinks back in his seat in shame. The imagination sequence ends.
Still haven't answered the cellphone call he got. Blonde, Piggy, and Leprechaun were still waiting for Rok to respond.
Blonde: HEL-LO!
Piggy: Earth to Rock!
Leprechaun: Are you in or are you out?
Rok: So angry and flat chested. (talks on cellphone) Sorry guys. I'm on vacation!
Looking at Draka. She smiles at Rok knowing he made the right choice.
Korney: Uhhh, I think it's time to board our flight you guys!
Rok, Draka, Korney, Dr Noper, UD and Mojo all board their flight to Honolulu Hawaii.
Scene 2:
After a long 4 hour flight. Rok and Draka were at the resort. It was aptly named Island Hotel. Rok and Draka were admiring the ocean view.
Draka (signs contently): Uhhh, see? Isn't this nice and relaxing?
Rok: You know it really is. I don't miss our drug house at all. In fact, I'm going to email a photo of us to Blonde, Leprechan, and Piggy! On the subject line I'm going to write "SUCK IT". To show them they're there and we're here.
A Hawaiian man who is a gardener that worked at the resort was spraying a hose. Rok asked him to take their picture.
Rok: Excuse me, sir. Would you mind taking our picture?
Gardener: I'd be happy to.
Rok: It's a phone with a camera in it.
Gardener: I know I have the same one.
Rok: A five GS top of the line.
Gardener: Yes, I five GS. I know what you're talking out.
The Gardener takes out his five GS phone.
Rok: You're a gardener.
Gardener: You're right. Smile!
Taking their picture, Rok and Draka pose. The Gardener leaves. Just then an old man who was an outdoor actitivies directors introduces himself to Rok and Draka. His name is Ron.
Ron: Hey, I'm Ron. I'm the outdoor activities director.
Draka: Just sign us up for everything!
Ron: HA HA! Your eagerness is inspiring. We can do this. (does a jump with one foot in the air) Oh my gosh I did it! That TikTok trend! The invisible box challenge! I've never done that before, my confidence is soaring! I'm going to try Dancing Small Potatoes.
Draka and Rok were looking at Ron with confusion.
Ron (stepping around and singing): Small potatoes ! Small potatoes! Small potatoes!
Rok's cellphone rings and it's Blonde, Leprechaun, and Piggy again.
Ron: You better get that.
Rok (checks cellphone): It's my bosses.
Draka (angerly): ROK!
Rok (presses ignore button): No work on vacation. That's my motto.
Gardener: And my motto is "don't cry because it's over. smile because it happened".
Rok: Why is this guy one upping me! Why am I in competition with a gardener?
Scene 3:
In another part of Honolulu. Korney tries to find something to do to have fun.
Korney: Maybe there's something here that can help me get my memory back.
Looking around, Korney sees Activity Huts. Korney spots one for eldery people and walks inside. The eldery people were playing bingo. Korney goes to the chaparone who is a flamingo.
Korney: Excuse me, where can I find an Activity Hut for adults with memory loss?
Chaperone: This is the only hut. (offers him a cookie) Chocolate Chip?
Korney (slaps the cookie): Chocolate Slip!
Walking out of the hut. Korney runs into a Iguana tourist.
Korney: Dude. Run. This place is the worst.
Iguana: Oh but run where? (whispers to Korney) I have heard it rumored that on the other side of this isle lies a beach whose patrons are au natural.
Korney: What's your name?
Iguana: My name is Milo. What's yours?
Korney: I'm Korney!
Milo: Ahhh, nice to meet you Korney.
Korney: My friends took me here on vacation. But they want to do their thing without me.
Milo: Let me guess, they think you're too dependent on them? Am I right!
Korney: YES! How did you know?
Milo: I have my ways. I'm quite a good judge of character!
Korney: So, anyway. Where can I find this au natural beach?
Milo: Yes, but term and conditions apply. We have to go through many obstacles and dangers to get there. Are you still willing to go?
Korney: Well I'm usually a paltroon weakling. I'm the unicorn version Adam Sandler in Punch Drunk Love.
Milo: That doesn't answer my question? Want to go or no?
Korney: Sure! Let's do it to it!
Milo: It's settled. Come along let's go.
The Flamingo Chaperone comes up to Korney and Milo with a knife.
Korney (Joe Pesci impression): I'm funny like a clown, I amuse you? GET OUTTA HE-YEAH!
The Flamingo Chaperone runs away.
Milo: Wow! That's the spirit!
Korney: Yeah, my friends took me in to try to help me with my memory loss. They ended up taking my boogers that they claim to be memory pills. Instead of giving them to me to help with my memory. They all give them to criminals they don't like and out the pills inside muffins.
Milo: Sad. The way you're being used like this.
Korney with Milo leading the way, go try to find the Nude Beach.
Scene 4:
In the senior section of The Island Resort. Dr Nopey finds himself in line for a buffet. Dr. Nopey decides to pretend to be a rich widower.
Dr Nopey: Hmmm, what can I do here? How can I convince people here I'm a rich widower?
An eldery couple stands before Dr Nopey as he tries to make conversation with them.
Dr. Nopey: What a lovely couple.
The senior couple notice Dr. Nopey.
Dr Nopey: So which one of you is the man?
The senior couple looked away. Then Dr. Nopey tries once more to get their attention.
Dr Nopey: Oh Muriel. You were always good at small talk. What am I gonna do without you? Who's going to set the recorder so I don't miss Tulsa King!
An old woman standing behind Dr. Nopey begins to speak to him.
Senior Lady: Tulsa Kings? I love that show. Never missed an epsiode! But if I did, it was a rerun...
Dr. Nopey: Because they're all the same!
The senior lady and Dr. Nopey find themselves laughing together.
Senior Lady: I'm LaTanya.
Dr Nopey: You can call me Doctor. Nice to meet you.
LaTanya: This is my first vacation since my husband died.
Dr. Nopey: This is my first without Muriel.
LaTanya: Here, you want a mint?
Dr Nopey (takes the mint): Oooooh! Those people who make these whoever they are sure know how to make a shitty candy!
LaTanya: You got quite a sense of humor! I like that in a man!
Dr. Nopey: Oooh! Marry me! Let's run away together!
LaTanya: We just meet! But I'll think about it.
Dr. Nopey: Wonderful! Splendid!
Still standing in line at the seinior buffet. LaTanya and Dr. Nopey decide to hang out together.
Scene 5:
In another part of the Island Resort. In a tiki hut big enough to be a hotel room. UD was looking through his cellphone for pictures to include on social media. While Mojo was in the bathroom getting high on weed.
UD: Fuck! All of these pics I took are shit! How am I supposed to impress my social media friends with these?
Mojo was moaning in the bathroom. UD began to bang on the door wanting him to come out.
UD: HEY! YOU! You've been in there for 2 hours getting high! Come out already. I want your opinion on these pics I took.
Mojo staggered out of the bathroom.
UD: Finally! Come take a look at this pics I took of the trip!
Mojo (looks at the pics on the cellphone): Dude, these pics are a shitty ass trainwreck! Very terrible.
UD: No, duh! Tell me about it!
Mojo: Well, I guess this is it. You've been on social media for 2 years and your days of trying to impress your freinds is over.
UD sits on the chair looking depressed. Mojo lights up another marijuana joint.
Scene 6:
Draka and Rok are playing ping pong on the beach. Draka hits the ball and it almost lands into the ocean.
Rok: Draka. If you want to get to 10 you need to put the ball in my direction. (swings the paddle): See where my swing is? You're jamming me up!
Draka: It's not about getting to "10". It's about enjoying each other.
Rok (cynically); Oh yes. It's fun getting to 8 and once to 9! And never to 10!
The cellphone rings and it's Blonde, Leprechaun, and Piggy again trying to reach Rok. Then Rok puts his cellphone back in his pockey.
Draka (demanding): Come on! No phone calls! Service! (swings her paddle!)
Rok hits the ping pong ball far as a lifeguard truck goes by. Rok hits the ping pong ball into the lifeguard truck. Draka runs after it.
Draka: Got it!
The cellphone keeps ringing. As soon as Draka was out of sight, Rok goes to answer his cellphone.
Rok: Hey, Blonde, Piggy, and Leprechaun!
Blonde: Rok Yen! I happened to find something interesting when I was zooming in the "Suck It" photo you sent us.
Rok: Why would you zoom in?
Leprechaun: Oh no reason..... (looking at Draka's breasts in the picture)
Piggy (slaps Leprechaun away): The man in the background we discovered is a serial killer named Borax The Bone Chopper. A war criminal who's been in hiding for years.
Rok: Let me guess, Vietnam?
Blonde: No, one of those gulf wars I think.
Rok: We've seen him. He told us he's an outdoor activities director.
Leprechaun: He's a fucking monster!
Zooming in on the picture of Ron in the background. Blonde pulled up a picture of Ron aka Borax the Bone Chopper standing on a pile of burned bodies almost to a point where one can see their skeleton. The picture proved to be a match.
Piggy: We need you to kill him!
Rok: Guys I'm on vacation! And I promised my girlfriend I would not work.
Leprechuan: Rok! Are you crazy! We're giving you an opportunity to bring down a war criminal!
Piggy: And you'll super huge big payoff for it!
Rok: A payoff!?!?!
Imagining what the big payoff would be. Rok pictures in his mind a bunch of game show style prizes. The grand prize was a car with a nude female model on it.
Rok: Guys! You can count on me!
Draka (runs back to the beach): I got the ping pong ball back! Let's do this! (hits the ball too far)
Rok and Draka see the Gardener from earlier playing ping pong with his son.
Gardener: 98, 99....100! YAY!
Rok (rolling his eyes): That guy.
Scene 7:
In another part of Island Resort. There was an activitys center. Rok, Draka, and a bunch of other tourists were there. An instructor was telling them how to make magnet necklaces.
Instructor: Today we're going to learn the ancient art of making Magnet Necklaces.
Draka: Look how awesome this is. No friends, no work. Just you and me.
Looking away for a while. Rok sees Ron now known as Borax the Bone Chopper walk into a Dolphin Cove.
Rok: I'm going to go make sure that the people outside the resort are in super poverty.
Getting up from his seat at the activities table. Rok walks off. Draka watches the Instructor.
Instructor: To make your necklace. First you need to bind up this silver straw....
In another part of Honolulu. Milo and Korney find themselves climbing up a mountain. Milo was keeping up the momentum. Korney was almost out of breath. Once they both reached to the top. Milo leads Korney to what looks like a lush green land. Thinking it was going to be the nude beach. Instead it was a bunch of horses munching grass.
Korney: I was expecting to see the nude beach!
Milo: To quote Sean Connery in that 1998 Avengers movie. This is merely the beginning!
Korney: From what I can tell. it's too far away. We'll never make it there.
Milo: I have a plan. We mount a wild steed of our choosing. Then it will wisk us away to the nude beach.
Korney: Uhhhh okay. It sounds like a really bad idea. Oh hell! Let's go for it!
Milo and Korney climb up a medium rock. Then jump on a horse. The horse makes a startling neigh sound as he jumps into the air and runs away. Before they knew it. Korney and Milo were riding!
Korney: All right! It's working!
The horse comes to a screeching halt and throws both Milo and Korney onto the ground. The horse starts beating up on Korney, who screams like he's being killed. Milo watches. The horse's leg gets caught onto Korney's backpack. Then the horse begins to run. Milo gets on Korney's back as if to ride on him.
Milo: Yes! Yes! Yes! I knew it! We'll be there in no time!
Korney (fearfully): MMMYYYY BBBBOOOONNNNEEEESSSSS!!!!
Scene 8:
At the Dolphin Cove. Rok catches up to Borax the Bone Chopper. Who's in a pool with dolphins. Rok gets some of Korney's nose boogers ready that he made into drugs.
Rok: Get away from that bad bad guy. You sweet dolphins.
Shooting the nose boogers like marbles. Rok has Borax the Bone Chopper in his sights. However, the dolphin jumps in front of Borax and gets the drugs in it's mouth! Then another dolphin comes in from of Borax and Rok tries once more to shoot like drugs like a marble, the other dolphin gets the nose booger in it's mouth. Now the new dolphins are running around on a drug high even having sex with each other.
Rok: SHIT!
From behind Rok, Draka had followed him.
Draka: ROK!
Rok (turns around to see Draka) Hi, there! (nervously chuckles).
Draka: While you were out looking for poor people, you missed the entire class!
Rok: While we're here. Let's just do the Dolphin Expirence.
Biologist (walks up to Rok and Draka): Sorry. There's no need for that. The dolphins for some reason are acting rabid and fucking everyone they see!
Turning around, Rok, The Biologist, and Draka see the dolphins go around humping the tourists who are screaming filthy bloody rape.
Scene 9:
At the bar of the Island Resort. UD and Mojo were having some drinks.
UD (sighs sadly): Well, here's to my social-less media.
Mojo: Well, I guess I'll lay off my weed.
As UD and Mojo were drinking. A couple came to join them.
Man: Excuse me. Did you guys say you need help to improve hits on your social media?
UD: Not that it's any of your business but yes.
Woman: We used to be like you. Not getting any hits on our social media. But then we turned it around!
Mojo: HOW?!
Man: We post videos of ourselves having key parties. The movie The Ice Storn inspired us. Here's our number. Think about it.
The couple gave UD and Mojo a piece of paper with a phone number on it, and walked off.
UD: We will certainly keep you in mind! (to Mojo): What a couple of fucking freaks!
Mojo (screams): FFFRREEEAAAKKKSSS!
UD: We don't have to go to key parties to improve my social media status! You thinking what I'm thinking?
Mojo: How about we LARP!
Moments later, UD and Mojo were outside of the Island Resort dressed as knights from Medeval times. UD was filming it on his cellphone.
UD: Good thing we're big Monty Python fans, hey!
Mojo: You're right! This Holy Grail LARP was fucking A! That was fun!
Going on his cellphone to see how many hits he got, UD sees he still didn't get any hits on his social media.
UD: Well, this is a fucking terrible feeling.
Mojo: Yes it was. We went way out of our way for nothing!
Scene 10:
At the pool area of the Island Resort. Dr Nopey and LaTanya were laying on lounge chairs.
Dr Nopey: Now that I'm reaching old age. I'm beginning to get catacrats on my eyes. (shows LaTanya a book); I need large print books!
The book Dr Nopey shows LaTanya has big letters.
LaTanya: Don't be so hard on yourself. You can pass for a man in his early 70's!
Dr Nopey: You LaTanya Isaaksion are what you what my Grandmother would call a La-Coconut! She was from the old country. Don't miss her.
Noticing a fannypack LaTanya was wearing. Dr. Nopey decides to keep up the conversation.
Dr. Nopey: You have any sunblock in your fannypack?
LaTanya: Uhhh, it's my urine bag.
Dr Nopey: Hey! Look on the bright side. You're alive. It doesn't matter where your shit goes. Getting mine to go anywhere at all is a bit to do.
LaTanya looks into Dr Nopey with loving eyes and takes his hand.
Dr. Nopey: LaTanya Isaaksion? Would you like to go into the luau with me tonight?
LaTanya: Oh yes! yes! Yes! 1000 times yes!
On the other side of the Island resort pool. Rok and Draka are laying on lounge chairs by the pool. Rok looks around for any sign of Borax The Bone Chopper.
Draka: (sighs) Isn't this wonderful. You and me together.
Rok's cellphone buzzes and he answers it. There was a text from an either Blonde, Lephrechaun or Piggy that reads, "DID YOU KILL THE TARGET YET?"
Draka: No obstacles, just relaxation.
Rok (bolting up from the lounge chair): Draka! Can I go get you a drink?
Draka: No I'm good!
Rok: Uhhh, how about some sunblock?
Draka: Nah, I'm fine Rok. All I want to do is lay here with you.
Rok: I promised my buddy Adam I'd help him move. Hate to leave you but I'm the one with the SUV!
As Rok runs off. What Rok didn't know was he left his cellphone by mistake. Rok's cellphone buzzes once more and Draka goes to pick it up. Draka acts shocked and apalled at what she sees is a text from Blonde, Leprechaun and Piggy that reads, "KILL THE TARGET ROK!"
Draka: That son of a bitch is working!
Scene 11:
At a forest. Korney was injured from the horse ride incident earlier. He can barely keep up with Milo.
Milo: Come along.
Korney: I'm doing the best I can Milo. That horse really did a number on me.
Walking out of the forest. Milo leads Korney to a cliff.
Korney: Oh fuck it to hell! We need to go back!
Milo: Hogwash! (grabbing huge leaves) What we must do is tie these on our arms and we'll fly our way there!
Korney finds Milo tying giant leaves to Korney's arms and his arms as well.
Milo: Forgot to mention. These are banana leaves.
Korney: Your last idea was terrible. If this is the way to the nude beach...Let's do it!
Trying with all his might to use the banana leaves like wings. Korney runs off the cliff while trying to fly off the cliff, only to fall face downwards on the ground.
Korney: WWWOOOAAAAHHHH! Why must I be a unicorn with memory loss on vacation?
Scene 12:
Meeting LaTanya at the Luau. Dr. Nopey waits impatently. A waiter with drinks walks up to Dr Nopeys table.
Dr Nopey: You won't believe this, waiter! I met a very nice woman today! She said she can never get tired of my laugh (giggles)
LaTanya arrives, but with another eldery man.
Dr. Nopey (gasps): Guess he must've met someone else. Someone much younger. Excuse me waiter, don't you?
Marching over to LaTanya and her supposed new boyfriend. Dr. Nopey confronts her.
Dr. Nopey: What happened to our plans LaTanya?
LaTanya: I apologize. I've never seen you before in my life. (whispers to her boyfriend): Poor man. His Alzheimers is so terrible.
Dr Nopey watches in dispair when LaTanya walks away with her new boyfriend.
LaTanya: Fuck off you old cock!
Dr Nopey (cries): LaTanya Isaaksion! You are a bad woman! Go sit on a pin cushion! With sewing needles! (runs away sobbing)
The people on the tables at the luau were talking to each other in different languages as they saw what happened between LaTanya and Dr. Nopey.
Scene 13:
In the hotel room in the Island Resort. Rok was loading up his sling shot. That was until Draka broke through the door to confront him.
Draka: YOU!
Jumping into the air, dropping a marble-sized booger from Korney's nose on the floor.
Rok: Draka! What the—The door!
Draka: Don't you 'Draka' me, you lying, three-eyed excuse for a criminal mastermind! You were supposed to be getting me a drink!
She held up his cellphone, the screen glowing with the damning text: "KILL THE TARGET ROK!"
Draka: You promised me! "No work on vacation," you said!
Rok: Okay, okay! You caught me. But, to be fair, this isn't just any job. We're talking about Borax The Bone Chopper—a war criminal! He's that dude who was called Ron. Plus, there's a huge payoff!
Draka: A payoff? You almost ruined our romantic getaway for a glorified bonus! The relationship seminar is back on, Rok! "Oh No He Didn't Oh Yes He Did!" here we come!
Rok: Wait! Hear me out! I was trying to protect you! I knew you wouldn't let me do it, and this guy—he's dangerous! The gardener, the outdoor activities director—it's him! Borax! He's right here in the resort!
The anger in Draka seemed to deflate slightly, replaced by a cold, calculating look.
Draka: Borax... the Bone Chopper? Are you serious?
Rok: Dead serious. Blonde zoomed in on the photo I sent. He’s been in hiding for years.
Draka, being the demonic female lawyer she was momentarily impressed despite herself.
Draka: A war criminal? That's... a much better target than some low-level debtor. Fine. If you're going to work, then I'm working too. You're not going to take on a highly trained, bone-chopping maniac by yourself and risk both our lives for a chance at a prize car. We'll split the mission and the payoff. This vacation just got interesting.
She cracked her knuckles. Then Draka displayed a wicked smile spreading across her face.
Rok: A relationship seminar and a dangerous assassination mission? This is the most quality time we’ve ever spent together! So, what’s the plan, lawyer?
Draka: We go find Ron, the outdoor activities director, and put an end to his retirement plan. First, we need more of Korney’s “memory pills.” The more boogers, the better.
Rok: Already ahead of you! They’re in my bag! Let’s go kill a war criminal!
Draka: And then, we're having a very serious talk about commitment, Rok.
Rok: Fair enough.
Scene 14:
Sitting alone at the luau. Dr Nopey nursing his drink and sobbing softly over LaTanya's betrayal.
Dr. Nopey: I was good to her! I almost looked away from her urine bag fannypack! Who's going to set the recorder for Tulsa King now?!
He wiped his eyes with a paper napkin. He thought of his friends: Rok and Draka, finally connecting. UD and Mojo, out there somewhere trying to be famous; and Korney, probably getting beaten up by a local.
Dr. Nopey: Be independent, huh? I lived through four seasons of Men Behaving Badly! I can survive one lousy Hawaiian vacation!
He stood up, suddenly resolute.
Dr. Nopey: No more pretending to be a rich widower! I'm Dr. Nopey, dammit! I'm going to find my friends, because even if they're all insane, they’re my insane. And besides, someone needs to make sure Korney doesn't ingest the entire resort.
Marching out of the luau. Dr Nopey heading to find the others.
UD and Mojo were still outside the resort, glumly staring at UD's cellphone. Zero hits on their medieval LARP video.
UD: I don’t get it! What's wrong with a little British humor every now and then.
Mojo: Yeah, but we didn’t even have a bridge keeper or a shrubbery. We just had... bad costumes.
Suddenly, a loud, panicked screaming came from the direction of the Dolphin Cove. Tourists were running, terrified, while two dolphins, clearly high and aggressively amorous, pursued them.
UD: Holy shit! What is that?
Mojo: FUCK! those dolphins are horny!
With his eyes going wide. UD quickly switched his cellphone camera back on.
UD: This is it! Mojo, start running! Scream like you’ve never screamed before! We're filming a nature documentary!
Mojo: But the high dolphins are right—
UD: Go! For the hits!
Mojo, still fully dressed in his knight costume, ran screaming past the aggressive, drug-crazed dolphins. UD, filming the entire chaotic scene—the terrified tourists, the sexually aggressive dolphins, and Mojo's panicked escape—got it all on camera.
Later, sitting on a bench, UD checked his phone.
UD: One million hits! We did it, Mojo! We went viral!
Mojo: What was the title?
UD: "Dolphin Sex-Raid on Hawaiian Resort: Knightly Escape!"
Mojo: (Lighting a joint) At least it's not a key party, but I'll take it.
Korney was lying in a heap at the bottom of the cliff, winded and still wearing the broken banana leaves on his arms. Milo, the iguana, stood over him.
Milo: Well, that didn't work. The leaves must have been too ripe.
Korney: (Weakly) My bones... my poor bones.
Milo: But look!
Pointig below the cliff edge. Hidden from view from the main paths. Milo shows Korney there was a small, secluded beach. Several tourists, completely in the nude, were relaxing by the water.
Korney: The au natural beach! We made it!
Milo: See? I told you. Terms and conditions apply, but the destination is worth the journey.
Korney: I feel so... independent! And... naked!
He looked down at his clothes.
Korney: Wait, I’m not naked! I'm in sweat pants and a hoodie!
Milo: You're close enough. Now, come along, Korney. I see an older woman making sandcastles... she looks like she could use a memory-loss unicorn to talk to.
Korney: I think I’ll pass on the sandcastles. But I’m ready for the next adventure, Milo! No friends needed!
Standing up wincing slightly Korney then sports on a smiled—a genuine, confident smile.
Scene 15:
Rok and Draka found Borax The Bone Chopper, a.k.a. Ron, preparing for a sunset limbo competition on the main beach. Draka had a handful of Korney’s nose-booger drugs, while Rok had the fully loaded slingshot.
Draka: We need to hit him clean. The drug is fast-acting, but he’s a trained killer. We get one shot.
Rok: Distraction first.
Grabbing a coconut from a nearby stand, Rok hurled it toward Borzax The Bone Chopper formerly known as Ron. It landed with a thud.
Borax The Bone Chopper: Hey! Who did that?!
Stepping forward, Draka finds herself holding the bag of booger-marbles.
Draka: Ron, or should I say Borax The Bone Chopper!
Ron aka Borax turned, a predatory glint in his eye, dropping his cheerful, old-man facade instantly.
Borax The Bone Chopper: How did you—?
Rok, using the moment Ron’s attention was on Draka, fired the slingshot. The booger-drug pellet flew with a snap, hitting Ron squarely in the neck.
Borax The Bone Chopper: (Coughing) You little—
The drug hit his system instantly. Borax's eyes glazed over, and he began to shake, twitching violently before running off, screaming incoherently, and immediately tackling the gardener's son, confusing the boy for a palm tree he needed to "water."
Draka: Target neutralized! Not dead, but effectively out of commission and a complete mess! The authorities will handle the rest.
Rok: And we get the payoff! That's my girl! (He scooped her up for a celebratory hug) You were amazing!
Draka: (Pleased) You weren't half bad yourself, Rok. You're my hero! My Knight In Shining Armour! Forget that Couples Seminar!
Rok: Let's celebrate! Want to have sex while whale watching? I hear the boat is really big.
Feeling proud and pleased. Draka was truly happy. Delivering that wicked smile.
Draka: How about we try to find the others? Then we'll watch the whales!
Rok: Great plan! Maybe the whales will get some inspiration! If you know what I mean!
They walked off the beach to find Korney, UD, Dr. Nopey, and Mojo. Then they'll be ready to enjoy the rest of their chaotic, successful, and finally shared vacation.
THE END
A/N: This is my first time writing for Take My Muffin. So please do not any write reviews just to try to correct me about anything!
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