Categories > Cartoons > Biker Mice from Mars
Ingiting jealousy, alcohol ban, a car chase, and bootlegging plague the town of Palo Alto.
0Unrated
Decided to write another Take My Muffin fanfic! Read and review after!
Take My Muffin
fanfic title:
Zero Proof Town.
by: Trenton Sands
It was a typical day just like any other in Palo Alto California. Rok was on the phone with his friend Pete. He wanted some relationship advice.
Rok: I need your help, Pete. I can't stop thinking about Draka. You've always been one to give me good romantic advice in the past. When are you coming over to be house?
Pete: Never! I want nothing to do with you ever again! That one moment when the cops saw I walked out of your house. Can't be involved with you. You are a drug dealer what with that lab you have and everything.
Rok: Okay fine. Black Lives Matter. I'm Woke.
Pete: I got something here. Make her jealous. Tell her you have a girlfiend. That'll give you something to go on.
Rok: That's it! Tell Draka I have a girlfriend.
Draka (walks up to Rok): You have a girlfriend?
Rok: Yep, I'm just having phone sex with her right now.
Draka: How come I never met her?
Rok: She lives in Alaska. (into the phone) I miss you baby! I want to fuck your hairy hole.
Pete (laughs): Why, Rok. It's cool of you to offer but I'm a married man. On the other hand my wife is out of town. She does have that fine ass Lana Del Ray figure.
Rok: All right! I'm so hard! (hangs up phone)
Pete: So am I Rok.....(hangs up phone.)
Draka: So what is your girlfriend's name?
Rok: Her name is Melanie Skipdoodle.
Draka: Your Alaskan girlfriends name is Melanie Skipdoodle?
Rok: Sure is. It's a fact Jack! As Billy Murray once said.
Draka: Ohhh, is this a sad attempt to make me jealous because you have a crush on me?
Rok: Why no. What makes you think that?
Draka: Duh, look around you. Everyone has a crush on me. Did you not google Take My Muffin Erotic Fanart? You should just be honest. I do not like being lied to.
Rok: Nope. It's the truth! I have an Alaskan Girlfriend!
Draka: OKay! How about we drive up there right now and meet her?
Rok: A road trip you say! Just you and me! It'll be just like the movie Sex Drive!
Draka: Okay let's go.
Rok: Yeah, but too bad we have to make more memory boogers for Korney.
Mojo walks in with a law book.
Rok: Mojo? What are you doing with a law book?
Mojo: How about you guys take the day off and let us take over for a while. Rok it's a Cat Holiday. And Draka you are having your period.
Draka: How did you know?
Mojo: What you did to Dr Nopey gave out some clues.
Dr Nopey was muffling with his head literally stuck up is bottocks.
Rok: Wow, a day off. I am the boss here. So Mojo you take charge!
Draka: Come on! Alaska awaits!
Rok: Are you familiar with Barron?
As Draka and Rok go off on their trip. Mojo has an announcement to make.
UD: What do you have to say, Mojo.
Mojo: Dudes, I just looked up in this law book that the city of Palm Alto never repealed Prohibition.
UD: So alcohol and drugs are technically illegal?
Korney gets some reception on his unicorn horn. He gives information in a trance like way about Prohibition
Prohibition refers to the period in U.S. history from 1920 to 1933 when the 18th Amendment to the Constitution banned the manufacture, sale, and transportation of alcoholic beverages, though consumption was not illegal. Driven by the temperance movement, the policy led to widespread illegal activities like bootlegging and speakeasies, which fostered organized crime and corruption. The experiment was ultimately deemed a failure due to these negative effects, lost tax revenue, and a general lack of public will, leading to its repeal.
UD: What did you say there, Korney?
Korney: Yes! It's about time! I fucking hate alcohol! I never let it cross my lips!
Mojo: Any particular reason?
Korney: Uhh, can't think of any. I have memory loss, hello! Or did you guys lose your memories too?
UD: Korney you eat raw haystacks.
Korney (eats haystacks): What am I supposed to do? Puke up haystacks like a dipshit?
Mojo: With out boss away on a trip. I say we enforce prohibtion! And elimitate every drop of alcohol in Palm Alto!
Looking through the law book some more. Mojo discovers new laws.
Mojo: There's actually a lot of good laws in here. Did you know it's illegal to own a 10 foot dildo?
Dr. Nopey: You'll never take me alive, motherfuckers! (hops away on the dildo)
Scene 2:
With Dr Nopey driving down the street. UD, Mojo, Korney, and Dr Nopey were all in the car driving someplace.
Korney: Hey, Dr. Nopey. How are we going to get alcohol banned from Palo Alto?
Dr. Nopey: Why we're going to fight City Hall!
UD: Doesn't that gender neutral President Kylie work there?
Mojo: Affirmative!
Korney: What if City Hall doesn't listen to us?
UD: Korney has a point you know. We know how City Hall ended for Danny Aiello.
Dr. Nopey: Nonsense! It won't be like that. Things don't always happen the way it does in movies.
With his unicorn horn blaring once more, Korney is able to locate City Hall.
Korney: Right straight ahead! Hope this works!
Dr Nopey follows Korney's orders and the gang finds themselves driving to the parking lot of Palo Alto City Hall. Mojo, UD, Korney, and Dr Nopey all walk out of the car and go inside City Hall to talk to President Kylie about banning alcohol.
Korney: She's not going to listen to us you know.
Mojo: Oh yes she will!
Korney: How?
Dr Nopey: What else? Your nose boogers!
UD: We don't only use them to help refresh your memory!
Going into President Kylie's office. They greet UD, Mojo, Korney, and Dr. Nopey.
Kylie: It's you guys! The ones who work for Rok. How may I help you?
Mojo: Yes Mrs. Wasident. We want this town to ban alcohol and make it illegal!
Kylie: No can do. Alcohol is a right.
Korney: But it destroys lives! I hate alcohol, can't remember why exactly, and it will never cross my lips!
Mojo: You already said that to us earlier. Think of another expression or idiom!
Kylie: I don't care what you guys think about alcohol. It's here to stay so live with it.
Dr Nopey: Maybe this will help you change your mind.....get ready boys!
Mojo, UD, and Dr. Nopey grab a bunch of nose boogers from Korney and throw it all at Kylie. Overtime, Kylie is experiencing a multitude of drug highs.
Kylie (stoned): Alcohol bad! I'll put a ban on it right away!
Mojo: Yes! We did it! It's kind of fun not having Rok and Draka around! Am I right!
UD: Absouletly. It's cool to have Mojo in charge.
Dr. Nopey: Let's see how this will turn out, guys.
Korney: I'm hoping nobody from the outside saw us.
Minutes later, Kylie makes a speech on the internet that bans alcohol and people who use it will be arrested. Little did anyone know that Pete and Buddy Gotham were spying on Korney, UD, Mojo, and Dr. Nopey.
Buddy: SO? Alcohol is being banned hey?
Pete: This is not good news at all. Most of my customers at my sex toy shop are drunks!
Buddy: I have a plan in motion. Would you like to be part of it.
Pete: Sure, anything to get alcohol back!
Mojo, Dr. Nopey, Korney, and UD all drive back home. Very proud of what they had accomplished.
Scene 3:
Going to a bar. Dr Nopey is at the counter with a bartender. As was Korney, UD, and Mojo. The bartender introduces himself.
Bartender: Hi, I'm your mixologist. I didn't graduate from high school. Can I recommend our Gay Belgian? It's fruity....
Dr. Nopey: I'll take it!
Mojo: In fact we'll take them all!
UD, Korney, Mojo, and Dr. Nopey all surprise the bartender with machine guns. Instead of bullets, Korney's nose boogers are used.
Korney: Yeah, we take all your alcohol to alco-hell!
Bartender: OMG!
Soon afterwards the Bartender hides under the counter as UD, Mojo, Dr. Nopey and Korney were shooting up all the bottles of alcohol under there were none left.
Korney: In case you all forgot! Or didn't hear. Kylie aka “Mrs. Wasident”. has put a ban on alcohol!
UD: Better do as she says!
Dr. Nopey: Or you'll all are going to jail!
Mojo: You know what? We can take this to the streets!
UD: Sounds like fun? Where should we go next?
The Smashing Pumpkins Bleed The Light plays as UD, Mojo, Dr. Nopey and Korney go into a chruch and see Saint Pablito and a nun about to drink wine. Dr. Nopey tases them both. Then Dr Nopey was driving his car and sees a man on a stagecoach delivering alcohol and Korney throws a molotov cocktail at the man and stagecoach. As the montage contines. UD had the whole town lined up to throw any beer, wine, and anything else that may contain alcohol into the sewers. Johnathan Livingston, Pete, and Buddy Gothum were very unhappy about it.
Scene 4:
Watching on the side of the road, watching the people of Palo Alto being forced to give up their alcohol. They rant and rave about the new law that passed. Johnathan comes up from behind Buddy and Pete.
Buddy: I can't believe they banned alcohol in this city!
Pete: If they took a stand, maybe we should to!
Johnathan: I'm on your side you guys!
Buddy: Where did you come from?
Pete: Aren't you a vegan? You should be against alcohol!
Johnathan: I still have my ethics.
Buddy: Since you invited yourself. Come with us.
Pete: We have something HUGE in store!
Buddy and Pete were leading Johnathan to a brewing device they invited in their back yard. Pete and Buddy have Johnathan take the first sip. The first sip sends Johnathan flying into the air.
Johnathan: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! YEAH!
Inside Johnathan's body was his liver.
Liver: I didn't sign up for this abuse! I'm a liver not a fighter! Coulda Beena A Contendah though!
Johnathan (falls back down): That is amazing! We can make a fortune bootlegging this in Palo Alto!
Buddy: All we need is a fast car!
Johnathan: Leave that to me! I know the perfect one.
Pete: Shit, he's already taken over as the leader.
Johnathan comes back driving the General Lee.
Buddy: The General Lee? Where did you get that?!
Johnathan: Stole it from a used car dump. I may be a vegan but I have an edge!
From their work station. Blonde, Lephrechaun and Piggy watched everything that was going on in Palo Alto.
Blonde: Oh my gosh! This is serious!
Leprechaun: We need to report this to Rok at once!
Piggy: Bootlegging when his friends did an alcohol ban! Let get in touch with him!
Blonde Leprechaun, and Piggy decide to call Rok on his cellphone.
Scene 5:
Draka and Rok had made their way to Alaska. With Rok driving. Stopping at a rest stop. Rok and Draka get out.
Rok: Feels so good to stretch does it!
Draka: Who knew Canada was such a huge country to drive though?
Rok: We'll take a quick potty break and we'll be on our way!
Draka: I know. To meet your non existant girlfriend. What was her name again?
Rok: Melanie Skipdoodle! How many times do I have to tell you? Sheesh!
Going into the men's room while Draka uses the woman's room. Rok goes to the toilet then his cellphone rings.
Rok (answers cellphone): Yeah?
Blonde: It's us Rok!
Rok: Who's us?
Leprechaun: Duh! Me Blonde, and Piggy! That's US!
Rok: OH yes! Now I remember. What do you all want?
Piggy: Look we need you two listen to us. Your friends Mojo, Korney, UD and Dr. Nopey have went to City Hall to convince Mrs. Wasident to ban alcohol.
Rok: Look guys. This isn't a good time. Draka and I are on our way to a very important business meeting.
Blonde: Okay we respect that. But we will keep in contact with you if anything goes out of proportion!
Rok: Fine, good bye for now.
Leprechaun, Blonde, and Piggy hang up.
Blonde: We should contact one of his friends.
Leprechaun: Question is who?
Piggy: What about that Mojo guy who smokes weed. He seems to be his second in command.
After the restroom stop visit. Draka and Rok go back to the car. The reach a rendezvous point that has a sign that reads WELCOME TO ALASKA. A security guard is on the scene.
Guard: Hello. What brings you guys here to Alaska?
Draka: We're visiting his 'girlfriend'.
Guard: Wait a minute. You're not one of those lower 48 states guys who lies about having an Alaskian girlfriend and gets called on it and has to drive up to Alaska.....
Rok: Oh no no no. I'm not one of those guys. Do guys really do that? Anyway, my girlfriend is very real.
Draka: You can tell she's real by her name. Maybe you know her. Melanie Skipdoodle.
Guard (laughs): Never heard that name before in my life. I know an Andrea Skipdoodle! Or maybe a Caitlyn Skipdoodle! You talking about any of them?
Rok: Nope, none of them thanks.
Draka and Rok were able to pass the guard and drive into Alaska.
Scene 6:
Driving through an Alaskan Neighborhood. Draka and Rok were looking for the house where his supposed 'girlfriend' lived.
Draka: So, is it any of THESE houses?
Rok (nervously) Uh, Mmm hmm! Here it is!
Driving up to a house. Rok and Draka walk up to the front door and knock. There was no answer.
Rok: Well, she's not home. We should probably head back.
Draka: That's rather rude of your 'real' girlfriend to be rude after we drove all this way. We ought to do something to teach her a lesson. I know! Burn her house down!
Rok: WHAT?!?!?
Using her demonic abilities. Draka proceeds with trying to burn down the house.
Rok: You're using your powers!
Draka: Oh yes! Nobody knows I have them but you, Mojo, Dr. Nopey, Korney, and UD back home.
Rok: Draka stop! You cant burn this house down!
Draka: Too late Rok! Unless it really isnt your girlfriend's house.....
Rok: All right all right! You win! She doesn't live here!
Draka (stopping her powers): No wonder, Rok!
Rok (gets a newspaper) Because she's dead! That's why she's not home! Look at her obiturary! She was too busy being dead! (laughs then cries) Stop for food on the way back?
Draka: Hold on aren't you going to your girlfriend's funeral? Oh it says here it's this afternoon.
Rok (walks out of the front door): Of course I'm going to the funeral. Because that's what a guy does when his girlfriend dies!
When Draka and Rok walk back to the car. The house was burning thanks to Draka's demonic powers. An old lady was inside.
Old Lady: Uhhhh, what's going on? My house is burning down! OKay!
Scene 7:
Back in Palo Alto. Mojo, UD, Korney, and Dr Nopey were all playing The online game Perfect Vermin. That was until their phone rang.
Korney: Who's going to get that!
Dr. Nopey: Mojo, Rok put you in charge. You get it!
Mojo: In the middle of playing Perfect Vermin when I'm high? Why me?!?!?!
UD: Because we said SO!
Walking over to the phone. Mojo answers. It was Blonde, Leprechaun, and Piggy on the other end.
Mojo: Hello?
Blonde: Mojo? Thank God. We've been trying to reach you.
Mojo: You have?
Leprechaun: Yes, there's something really important you need to know.
Piggy: I'll tell him. Buddy, Pete, and Jonathan are.....
Before Piggy can say anything further. Buddy, Pete, and Jonathan crashed into their house with the General Lee.
UD: What the hell was that?
Dr. Nopey: I don't know. It looked like the General Lee crashed into our house.
Mojo: I thought I saw Buddy, Pete, and Johnathan inside. Oh no. This is what Piggy, Leprechaun, and Blonde were trying to tell us.
Dr. Nopey: Yes, I know what you mean. Seems to us that Buddy, Pete, and Johnathan have become bootleggers.
UD: Yes we need to stop them!
Korney: Oh boy! Thank heavens! Always wanted to become Boss Hogg! And have a Dukes of Hazzard style adventure!
Taking off his sweats and hoodie, Korney reveals he has a Boss Hogg outfit on underneath.
UD: WHAT? You have Boss Hogg clothes under your sweats.
Korney: Preparing for this exact moment! (imitates Boss Hogg): AHhhh! Dem Dukes!
Mojo: You mean to tell us you've had a Boss Hogg outfit underneath just in case of a Dukes of Hazzard spoof breaks out!
Korney: Come on! What're we waiting for! Let's get Dem Dukes! Mojo and UD, you guys can be Enos and Coltrane!
Dr. Nopey: Count me out!
UD: (blows whistle); This joke brought to you by UD!
Scene 8:
In a back alley. Kylie was wearing grey sweats. Jonathan, Pete, and Buddy approach her.
Jonathan: Hey there! Looking to buy some booze? (hands Kylie a mason jar)
Kylie: What kind of wine is this?
Buddy: Well, what kind do you like?
Kylie: Chardonnay.
Pete: Yep, that's what it is! Chardonnay!
Korney runs up to Pete, Buddy, and Jonathan who run into the General Lee.
Mojo: Were those the Duke Boys?
Korney: Yes they are! We gotta nail those Duke Boys!
Mojo and Korney bump into each other. Korney screams incoherently and hits Mojo in the face with his hat. Jonathan, Buddy, and Pete drive away in the General Lee.
Buddy: Are they chasing us?
Pete: Don't worry if this is really a Dukes of Hazzard spoof. They'll have to crowbar in some wacky slapstick first!
Mojo and Korney find themselves stuck inside an empty tire.
Korney: Oooh! FUCK! How did we get stuck in this god damn inflated tire?
Running to an abandoned police car. Korney drives as he and Mojo were chasing The General Lee.
Pete: Oh no! It's the Unicorn Arm of the Law!
Jonathan: Does that even make any sense?
Buddy: That's the price we pay in situations like this. Can't think of any clever idioms!
The car chase ensues. Korney and Mojo were gaining on Buddy, Jonathan, and Pete.
Korney: Ooooh! I'm gonna get you bootlegging sons of bitches!
Buddy, Pete, and Jonathan take a detour which causes Korney to drive into a chicken coop!
Korney: AAAAHHH! Why the fuck am I covered in this chicken shit!
Mojo: They tricked us! These guys are good!
Driving with the chicken still stuck on the car. Korney now is driving into some crates and barrells. As were Buddy, Pete, and Johnathan.
Korney: Son of a bitch! Where did these shitty ass crate and barrels come from?
Mojo: Uhh, that truck I guess
A semi truck that reads Crate and Barrell was parked on the side of the road. Korney and Mojo decide to get some backup.
Mojo: Let's all UD!
Korney: Yes he can be our backup! (calls UD on the radio) UD! Come in!
UD who was also in a police car answers.
Korney: UD! We need your help!
UD: Her I am. Setting on a full tank. (blows whistle)
Korney: Focus UD! This is a Dukes of Hazzard parody! Not Fraiser! Now give me some support!
Mojo: He's not saying anything!
UD falls asleep at the wheel. Korney crashes into a tree trunk.
Mojo: Shit! You nearly took the top of the car off!
Korney: When Rok comes back he's going to burn our biscuits and.....
Mojo and Korney see the car UD was driving and both cars crashed into each other. Korney and Mojo are now riding on the wheels. Pete, Buddy, and Jonathan still in the General Lee knowing they outran Mojo, Korney and UD.
Pete: YYYYYEEEEEEE HHHHHHOOOOOO!!!!!
Jonathan: Did you have to scream that in my fucking ear!
The General Lee jumped into the air as Pete, Jonathan, and Buddy were about to crash into a river bridge doing it's signature car horn Whistling Dixie song. The General Lee landed on the other side of town. Mojo and Korney were still riding on the wheels of the broken police car.
Mojo: Hope you know what you're doing!
Korney: They ain't gettin' away!
Then Mojo and Korney jump the river bidge. The Dujes of Hazzard voiceover speaks.
Voiceover: Now we all know Korney ain't gonna make it across that river bridge! Because there's nothing funnier than seeing a unicorn with memory loss and his stoner friend's legs getting knawed off by an alligator!
Korney: What the fuck did that narrattor say!
Mojo: Must be psychic!
Korney and Mojo both fall into the river at the mercy of an alligator. When Korney and Mojo were being chased by the alligator. Korney has a flashback.
Unicorn King: Okay son. Here is a rite of passage that every prince must do.
Young Korney: What's that father?
Unicorn King: You have to cross that moat and try to outrun those alligators.
Young Korney (fearfully); Yee yee yees Ddddaaaadddd!
The Unicorn King watches as Korney was awkwardly trying to cross the moat by walking on the aliigators.
Scene 9:
At City Hall, Kylie drinks the 'chardonnay'
Kylie: This better be good. I'm beginning to regret ever banning alcohol!
Drinking the 'chardonnay' Kylie discovers she is blind now.
Kylie: Oh no! I'm blind now! This isn't chardonnay! This is moonshine!
A phone rings and Kylie tries to answer it. The call is answered when she steps on the phone,
Voice: Kylie. How are you?
Kylie: I'm fine. Definately not blind or anything! (laughs nervously)
Voice: Good. We want you to drive a bus full of troubled youth on a field trip.
Moments later, Kylie finds herself driving recklessly bumping into everything in sight. The kids inside were flying around. Korney gets out of the pond with the alligator biting on his behind and Mojo in tow.
Mojo: Dude! Is this The Sweet Hearafter?
Korney: What do you mean?
Mojo: I mean that school bus!
Running back into the pond, Mojo and Korney were able to avoid getting hit by the schoolbus. Kylie now finds herself and the school bus sinking.
Kylie: Hey, kids! I think we're in a pond or something!
Voiceover: Now isn't that something! None of these troubled youth realize Kylie's blind because of that moonshine Buddy, Pete, and Jonathan gave her!
Teen: WHAT THE HELL DID THAT NARRATOR SAY!
In Alaska. Rok and Draka were now at the funeral of Rok's so called 'girlfriend'. Locals stand bundled up in heavy coats. Rok and Draka stand awkwardly in the back, overdressed for drama and underdressed for the cold.
Rok (adjusting sunglasses, voice cracking): Yup... this is it. The funeral of my one true love. My heart is just... a broken, frozen tundra now.
Draka (suspicious, arms crossed): Mm-hmm. I still think this was a lie, Rok. You never even told me her name.
Rok (panicking slightly):Her name was... Eskima. Eskima McBlizzards. Beautiful soul. Loved dogsledding. Tasted like mint chapstick and reindeer jerky.
Draka (dryly): Thought her name was Melanie Skipdoodle! (rolls eyes) Charming.
The Preist finishes a short eulogy. People begin placing flowers. A few children in puffy coats and snotty noses run up to Rok.
Eskimo Kid #1: Daddy Rok! Daddy Rok!
Eskimo Kid #2: Are you gonna be our new mommy?
Draka: ..Excuse me??
Rok (sweating through his jacket):Oh yeah! Right! Uh—these are my... my stepkids! From Eskima. We were totally married. Yeah. I was gonna tell you, Draka, but you know... surprise!
Draka (eyebrow raised, deadpan):You told me your ex was a hologram with commitment issues and lived on Neptune.
Rok (drops to his knees in the snow, dramatically):OKAY, FINE! None of it's real! Eskima wasn’t my girlfriend. I made her up! I panicked, alright?! I just wanted to make you jealous!
Draka (blinks):You made up a dead girlfriend... and fake children... to make me jealous?
Rok (groveling):Yes! Because you're, like, this demon powerhouse and I'm just some unstable three eyed cat who's a CEO and a drug dealer! Not to mention three unpaid parking tickets! You're too cool! And I thought—if you thought someone else loved me... maybe you'd look at me like...
Trailing off. Rok feels an Awkward silence. Snow falls gently. Draka looks down at him. Then starts to laugh — first low, then snorting.
Draka (grinning):Rok... you are so stupid. That was the dumbest, most manipulative, emotionally self-destructive stunt I've ever seen.
Rok (meekly):So... we're good?
Draka (smirking, helping him up):We're great. Honestly, I kind of love how far you went just to get my attention. That was hot. In a totally deranged way.
Rok (hopeful): So... you’re not mad?
Draka: Oh, I’m furious. But I’m also impressed. Let’s go get hot cocoa. You owe me a muffin, a new pair of gloves, and an explanation for those kids.
One of the "stepkids" pulls off their hat, revealing they're actually just a random child named Gary.
Gary: I just wanted snacks. He said he'd give us candy if we called him Daddy.
Draka: Rok.
Rok (backing away):Okay okay okay! Let’s just go before the old lady from the house shows up again.
They walk toward the car, leaving behind the funeral, the kids, and the burning questions... literally. Rok and Draka head back to Palo Alto.
Scene 10:
In a last ditch effort to try to catch Pete, Buddy, and Jonathan in their tracks. Korney set up a roadblock that has a semi truck filled with dynamite with Mojo still by his side. UD was at the scene as well.
UD: How is this going to stop them? This could elimiate all of Palo Alto!
Mojo: You still doing this Boss Hogg bullshit?
Korney: Trust me on this. And yes I am!
The General Lee with Jonathan, Buddy, and Pete inside it tried to jump over the semi truck unaware it was filled with dynamite.
Pete: We're having so much fun bootlegging alcohol!
Jonathan: My favorite thing thoughout all of this is jumping over shit!
Buddy: Semi Truck up ahead! Let's jump that!
The General Lee jumped into the air one last time. Instead of jumping over the semi truck. The General Lee falls right into it. Sending UD, Mojo, Korney, Pete, Buddy, and Jonathan flying into the air. Korney landed on a tree.
Korney: Who turned out the lights! I can't see anything!
The explosion also had a positive effect. It restored Kylie's eye sight!
Kylie: I can see again! I can see again! What beautiful sights I see!
Teen: Yeah, and you almost fucking killed us!
Rok and Draka returned from Alaska. Only to see Palo Alto practically in shambles after the semi truck dynamite explosion.
Draka: We leave Palo Alto for a few days to improve our relationship and THIS is what happens when we're gone?
Rok: You're telling me. It's like we're in that alternate 1985 from Back To The Future Part 2 when Biff Tannen took over everything.
Pete, Buddy, and Jonathan landed next to Rok and Draka.
Rok: What the fuck happened to you guys?
Buddy: You don't want to know.....
Pete: A price we pay for bootlegging alcohol.
Jonathan: Long story short. Your friends banned alcohol with help from Kylie and we tried to bring it back.
Rok: Oh yes, this is what Blonde, Leprechaun, and Piggy were trying to tell us.
Draka: Well let's fix this.
Rok and Draka saw Korney stuck in the tree and got him out. Mojo and UD were happy to see Rok and Draka again.
Mojo: Sorry we tried to ban alcohol.
UD: It did more harm than good.
Rok: We can see that.
Draka: What we can do is convince Kylie to overturn the ban.
Korney: Welp, back to City Hall for us.
Dr Nopey comes with a car and picks up Draka, Rok, Korney, UD, and Mojo and drives them to City Hall.
Scene 11 Conclusion:
At the bar. Kylie announces she will lift the alcohol ban.
Kylie: Getting rid of alcohol was a HUGE mistake. As your Mrs. Wasident I hearby declare that alcohol is back in the city of Palo Alto!
Dr Nopey: This calls for a celebration! Cheers!
Kylie: Free drinks for everyone! On the house!
The crowd arrupted with cheers. Rok and Draka share a kiss. Dr Nopey, Mojo, UD, and even Buddy, Pete, and Jonathan were there drinking all sorts of alcoholic beverages!
Rok: This one's my favorite: Santori! Sammy Davis Jr did a commercial for this back in the 1970s!
Draka notices Korney is not joining them for beer.
Korney: Don't even think about it.
Draka: Why aren't you joining us, Korney?
Korney: I don't like alcohol! In fact I hate it! It never crossed my.....
Before Korney can say anything else, Mojo and UD stick a beer keg nozzle in Korney's anus.
Mojo: Now it's crossing your ass!
UD: Hilarious joke!
A party breaks out in the bar. Mojo tears out the page in the law book about the law that never repealed prohibition. Korney is now extremely drunk and and bumping into stools and breaking alcohol bottles. Blonde, Leprechan, and Piggy watch everyone in Palo Alto partying and getting drunk in the bar.
Leprechan: Anyone remember that movie Down And Out In Beverly Hills.
Blonde: Yeah, what of it?
Leprechan: What was the one line in it?
Piggy: I know. That homeless song that sounded like We Are The World?
Blonde: We don't know what you're implying!
Leprechan: Oh, now I remember. What a fucking party!
Piggy and Blonde (together): Now he tells us.
THE END
Take My Muffin
fanfic title:
Zero Proof Town.
by: Trenton Sands
It was a typical day just like any other in Palo Alto California. Rok was on the phone with his friend Pete. He wanted some relationship advice.
Rok: I need your help, Pete. I can't stop thinking about Draka. You've always been one to give me good romantic advice in the past. When are you coming over to be house?
Pete: Never! I want nothing to do with you ever again! That one moment when the cops saw I walked out of your house. Can't be involved with you. You are a drug dealer what with that lab you have and everything.
Rok: Okay fine. Black Lives Matter. I'm Woke.
Pete: I got something here. Make her jealous. Tell her you have a girlfiend. That'll give you something to go on.
Rok: That's it! Tell Draka I have a girlfriend.
Draka (walks up to Rok): You have a girlfriend?
Rok: Yep, I'm just having phone sex with her right now.
Draka: How come I never met her?
Rok: She lives in Alaska. (into the phone) I miss you baby! I want to fuck your hairy hole.
Pete (laughs): Why, Rok. It's cool of you to offer but I'm a married man. On the other hand my wife is out of town. She does have that fine ass Lana Del Ray figure.
Rok: All right! I'm so hard! (hangs up phone)
Pete: So am I Rok.....(hangs up phone.)
Draka: So what is your girlfriend's name?
Rok: Her name is Melanie Skipdoodle.
Draka: Your Alaskan girlfriends name is Melanie Skipdoodle?
Rok: Sure is. It's a fact Jack! As Billy Murray once said.
Draka: Ohhh, is this a sad attempt to make me jealous because you have a crush on me?
Rok: Why no. What makes you think that?
Draka: Duh, look around you. Everyone has a crush on me. Did you not google Take My Muffin Erotic Fanart? You should just be honest. I do not like being lied to.
Rok: Nope. It's the truth! I have an Alaskan Girlfriend!
Draka: OKay! How about we drive up there right now and meet her?
Rok: A road trip you say! Just you and me! It'll be just like the movie Sex Drive!
Draka: Okay let's go.
Rok: Yeah, but too bad we have to make more memory boogers for Korney.
Mojo walks in with a law book.
Rok: Mojo? What are you doing with a law book?
Mojo: How about you guys take the day off and let us take over for a while. Rok it's a Cat Holiday. And Draka you are having your period.
Draka: How did you know?
Mojo: What you did to Dr Nopey gave out some clues.
Dr Nopey was muffling with his head literally stuck up is bottocks.
Rok: Wow, a day off. I am the boss here. So Mojo you take charge!
Draka: Come on! Alaska awaits!
Rok: Are you familiar with Barron?
As Draka and Rok go off on their trip. Mojo has an announcement to make.
UD: What do you have to say, Mojo.
Mojo: Dudes, I just looked up in this law book that the city of Palm Alto never repealed Prohibition.
UD: So alcohol and drugs are technically illegal?
Korney gets some reception on his unicorn horn. He gives information in a trance like way about Prohibition
Prohibition refers to the period in U.S. history from 1920 to 1933 when the 18th Amendment to the Constitution banned the manufacture, sale, and transportation of alcoholic beverages, though consumption was not illegal. Driven by the temperance movement, the policy led to widespread illegal activities like bootlegging and speakeasies, which fostered organized crime and corruption. The experiment was ultimately deemed a failure due to these negative effects, lost tax revenue, and a general lack of public will, leading to its repeal.
UD: What did you say there, Korney?
Korney: Yes! It's about time! I fucking hate alcohol! I never let it cross my lips!
Mojo: Any particular reason?
Korney: Uhh, can't think of any. I have memory loss, hello! Or did you guys lose your memories too?
UD: Korney you eat raw haystacks.
Korney (eats haystacks): What am I supposed to do? Puke up haystacks like a dipshit?
Mojo: With out boss away on a trip. I say we enforce prohibtion! And elimitate every drop of alcohol in Palm Alto!
Looking through the law book some more. Mojo discovers new laws.
Mojo: There's actually a lot of good laws in here. Did you know it's illegal to own a 10 foot dildo?
Dr. Nopey: You'll never take me alive, motherfuckers! (hops away on the dildo)
Scene 2:
With Dr Nopey driving down the street. UD, Mojo, Korney, and Dr Nopey were all in the car driving someplace.
Korney: Hey, Dr. Nopey. How are we going to get alcohol banned from Palo Alto?
Dr. Nopey: Why we're going to fight City Hall!
UD: Doesn't that gender neutral President Kylie work there?
Mojo: Affirmative!
Korney: What if City Hall doesn't listen to us?
UD: Korney has a point you know. We know how City Hall ended for Danny Aiello.
Dr. Nopey: Nonsense! It won't be like that. Things don't always happen the way it does in movies.
With his unicorn horn blaring once more, Korney is able to locate City Hall.
Korney: Right straight ahead! Hope this works!
Dr Nopey follows Korney's orders and the gang finds themselves driving to the parking lot of Palo Alto City Hall. Mojo, UD, Korney, and Dr Nopey all walk out of the car and go inside City Hall to talk to President Kylie about banning alcohol.
Korney: She's not going to listen to us you know.
Mojo: Oh yes she will!
Korney: How?
Dr Nopey: What else? Your nose boogers!
UD: We don't only use them to help refresh your memory!
Going into President Kylie's office. They greet UD, Mojo, Korney, and Dr. Nopey.
Kylie: It's you guys! The ones who work for Rok. How may I help you?
Mojo: Yes Mrs. Wasident. We want this town to ban alcohol and make it illegal!
Kylie: No can do. Alcohol is a right.
Korney: But it destroys lives! I hate alcohol, can't remember why exactly, and it will never cross my lips!
Mojo: You already said that to us earlier. Think of another expression or idiom!
Kylie: I don't care what you guys think about alcohol. It's here to stay so live with it.
Dr Nopey: Maybe this will help you change your mind.....get ready boys!
Mojo, UD, and Dr. Nopey grab a bunch of nose boogers from Korney and throw it all at Kylie. Overtime, Kylie is experiencing a multitude of drug highs.
Kylie (stoned): Alcohol bad! I'll put a ban on it right away!
Mojo: Yes! We did it! It's kind of fun not having Rok and Draka around! Am I right!
UD: Absouletly. It's cool to have Mojo in charge.
Dr. Nopey: Let's see how this will turn out, guys.
Korney: I'm hoping nobody from the outside saw us.
Minutes later, Kylie makes a speech on the internet that bans alcohol and people who use it will be arrested. Little did anyone know that Pete and Buddy Gotham were spying on Korney, UD, Mojo, and Dr. Nopey.
Buddy: SO? Alcohol is being banned hey?
Pete: This is not good news at all. Most of my customers at my sex toy shop are drunks!
Buddy: I have a plan in motion. Would you like to be part of it.
Pete: Sure, anything to get alcohol back!
Mojo, Dr. Nopey, Korney, and UD all drive back home. Very proud of what they had accomplished.
Scene 3:
Going to a bar. Dr Nopey is at the counter with a bartender. As was Korney, UD, and Mojo. The bartender introduces himself.
Bartender: Hi, I'm your mixologist. I didn't graduate from high school. Can I recommend our Gay Belgian? It's fruity....
Dr. Nopey: I'll take it!
Mojo: In fact we'll take them all!
UD, Korney, Mojo, and Dr. Nopey all surprise the bartender with machine guns. Instead of bullets, Korney's nose boogers are used.
Korney: Yeah, we take all your alcohol to alco-hell!
Bartender: OMG!
Soon afterwards the Bartender hides under the counter as UD, Mojo, Dr. Nopey and Korney were shooting up all the bottles of alcohol under there were none left.
Korney: In case you all forgot! Or didn't hear. Kylie aka “Mrs. Wasident”. has put a ban on alcohol!
UD: Better do as she says!
Dr. Nopey: Or you'll all are going to jail!
Mojo: You know what? We can take this to the streets!
UD: Sounds like fun? Where should we go next?
The Smashing Pumpkins Bleed The Light plays as UD, Mojo, Dr. Nopey and Korney go into a chruch and see Saint Pablito and a nun about to drink wine. Dr. Nopey tases them both. Then Dr Nopey was driving his car and sees a man on a stagecoach delivering alcohol and Korney throws a molotov cocktail at the man and stagecoach. As the montage contines. UD had the whole town lined up to throw any beer, wine, and anything else that may contain alcohol into the sewers. Johnathan Livingston, Pete, and Buddy Gothum were very unhappy about it.
Scene 4:
Watching on the side of the road, watching the people of Palo Alto being forced to give up their alcohol. They rant and rave about the new law that passed. Johnathan comes up from behind Buddy and Pete.
Buddy: I can't believe they banned alcohol in this city!
Pete: If they took a stand, maybe we should to!
Johnathan: I'm on your side you guys!
Buddy: Where did you come from?
Pete: Aren't you a vegan? You should be against alcohol!
Johnathan: I still have my ethics.
Buddy: Since you invited yourself. Come with us.
Pete: We have something HUGE in store!
Buddy and Pete were leading Johnathan to a brewing device they invited in their back yard. Pete and Buddy have Johnathan take the first sip. The first sip sends Johnathan flying into the air.
Johnathan: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! YEAH!
Inside Johnathan's body was his liver.
Liver: I didn't sign up for this abuse! I'm a liver not a fighter! Coulda Beena A Contendah though!
Johnathan (falls back down): That is amazing! We can make a fortune bootlegging this in Palo Alto!
Buddy: All we need is a fast car!
Johnathan: Leave that to me! I know the perfect one.
Pete: Shit, he's already taken over as the leader.
Johnathan comes back driving the General Lee.
Buddy: The General Lee? Where did you get that?!
Johnathan: Stole it from a used car dump. I may be a vegan but I have an edge!
From their work station. Blonde, Lephrechaun and Piggy watched everything that was going on in Palo Alto.
Blonde: Oh my gosh! This is serious!
Leprechaun: We need to report this to Rok at once!
Piggy: Bootlegging when his friends did an alcohol ban! Let get in touch with him!
Blonde Leprechaun, and Piggy decide to call Rok on his cellphone.
Scene 5:
Draka and Rok had made their way to Alaska. With Rok driving. Stopping at a rest stop. Rok and Draka get out.
Rok: Feels so good to stretch does it!
Draka: Who knew Canada was such a huge country to drive though?
Rok: We'll take a quick potty break and we'll be on our way!
Draka: I know. To meet your non existant girlfriend. What was her name again?
Rok: Melanie Skipdoodle! How many times do I have to tell you? Sheesh!
Going into the men's room while Draka uses the woman's room. Rok goes to the toilet then his cellphone rings.
Rok (answers cellphone): Yeah?
Blonde: It's us Rok!
Rok: Who's us?
Leprechaun: Duh! Me Blonde, and Piggy! That's US!
Rok: OH yes! Now I remember. What do you all want?
Piggy: Look we need you two listen to us. Your friends Mojo, Korney, UD and Dr. Nopey have went to City Hall to convince Mrs. Wasident to ban alcohol.
Rok: Look guys. This isn't a good time. Draka and I are on our way to a very important business meeting.
Blonde: Okay we respect that. But we will keep in contact with you if anything goes out of proportion!
Rok: Fine, good bye for now.
Leprechaun, Blonde, and Piggy hang up.
Blonde: We should contact one of his friends.
Leprechaun: Question is who?
Piggy: What about that Mojo guy who smokes weed. He seems to be his second in command.
After the restroom stop visit. Draka and Rok go back to the car. The reach a rendezvous point that has a sign that reads WELCOME TO ALASKA. A security guard is on the scene.
Guard: Hello. What brings you guys here to Alaska?
Draka: We're visiting his 'girlfriend'.
Guard: Wait a minute. You're not one of those lower 48 states guys who lies about having an Alaskian girlfriend and gets called on it and has to drive up to Alaska.....
Rok: Oh no no no. I'm not one of those guys. Do guys really do that? Anyway, my girlfriend is very real.
Draka: You can tell she's real by her name. Maybe you know her. Melanie Skipdoodle.
Guard (laughs): Never heard that name before in my life. I know an Andrea Skipdoodle! Or maybe a Caitlyn Skipdoodle! You talking about any of them?
Rok: Nope, none of them thanks.
Draka and Rok were able to pass the guard and drive into Alaska.
Scene 6:
Driving through an Alaskan Neighborhood. Draka and Rok were looking for the house where his supposed 'girlfriend' lived.
Draka: So, is it any of THESE houses?
Rok (nervously) Uh, Mmm hmm! Here it is!
Driving up to a house. Rok and Draka walk up to the front door and knock. There was no answer.
Rok: Well, she's not home. We should probably head back.
Draka: That's rather rude of your 'real' girlfriend to be rude after we drove all this way. We ought to do something to teach her a lesson. I know! Burn her house down!
Rok: WHAT?!?!?
Using her demonic abilities. Draka proceeds with trying to burn down the house.
Rok: You're using your powers!
Draka: Oh yes! Nobody knows I have them but you, Mojo, Dr. Nopey, Korney, and UD back home.
Rok: Draka stop! You cant burn this house down!
Draka: Too late Rok! Unless it really isnt your girlfriend's house.....
Rok: All right all right! You win! She doesn't live here!
Draka (stopping her powers): No wonder, Rok!
Rok (gets a newspaper) Because she's dead! That's why she's not home! Look at her obiturary! She was too busy being dead! (laughs then cries) Stop for food on the way back?
Draka: Hold on aren't you going to your girlfriend's funeral? Oh it says here it's this afternoon.
Rok (walks out of the front door): Of course I'm going to the funeral. Because that's what a guy does when his girlfriend dies!
When Draka and Rok walk back to the car. The house was burning thanks to Draka's demonic powers. An old lady was inside.
Old Lady: Uhhhh, what's going on? My house is burning down! OKay!
Scene 7:
Back in Palo Alto. Mojo, UD, Korney, and Dr Nopey were all playing The online game Perfect Vermin. That was until their phone rang.
Korney: Who's going to get that!
Dr. Nopey: Mojo, Rok put you in charge. You get it!
Mojo: In the middle of playing Perfect Vermin when I'm high? Why me?!?!?!
UD: Because we said SO!
Walking over to the phone. Mojo answers. It was Blonde, Leprechaun, and Piggy on the other end.
Mojo: Hello?
Blonde: Mojo? Thank God. We've been trying to reach you.
Mojo: You have?
Leprechaun: Yes, there's something really important you need to know.
Piggy: I'll tell him. Buddy, Pete, and Jonathan are.....
Before Piggy can say anything further. Buddy, Pete, and Jonathan crashed into their house with the General Lee.
UD: What the hell was that?
Dr. Nopey: I don't know. It looked like the General Lee crashed into our house.
Mojo: I thought I saw Buddy, Pete, and Johnathan inside. Oh no. This is what Piggy, Leprechaun, and Blonde were trying to tell us.
Dr. Nopey: Yes, I know what you mean. Seems to us that Buddy, Pete, and Johnathan have become bootleggers.
UD: Yes we need to stop them!
Korney: Oh boy! Thank heavens! Always wanted to become Boss Hogg! And have a Dukes of Hazzard style adventure!
Taking off his sweats and hoodie, Korney reveals he has a Boss Hogg outfit on underneath.
UD: WHAT? You have Boss Hogg clothes under your sweats.
Korney: Preparing for this exact moment! (imitates Boss Hogg): AHhhh! Dem Dukes!
Mojo: You mean to tell us you've had a Boss Hogg outfit underneath just in case of a Dukes of Hazzard spoof breaks out!
Korney: Come on! What're we waiting for! Let's get Dem Dukes! Mojo and UD, you guys can be Enos and Coltrane!
Dr. Nopey: Count me out!
UD: (blows whistle); This joke brought to you by UD!
Scene 8:
In a back alley. Kylie was wearing grey sweats. Jonathan, Pete, and Buddy approach her.
Jonathan: Hey there! Looking to buy some booze? (hands Kylie a mason jar)
Kylie: What kind of wine is this?
Buddy: Well, what kind do you like?
Kylie: Chardonnay.
Pete: Yep, that's what it is! Chardonnay!
Korney runs up to Pete, Buddy, and Jonathan who run into the General Lee.
Mojo: Were those the Duke Boys?
Korney: Yes they are! We gotta nail those Duke Boys!
Mojo and Korney bump into each other. Korney screams incoherently and hits Mojo in the face with his hat. Jonathan, Buddy, and Pete drive away in the General Lee.
Buddy: Are they chasing us?
Pete: Don't worry if this is really a Dukes of Hazzard spoof. They'll have to crowbar in some wacky slapstick first!
Mojo and Korney find themselves stuck inside an empty tire.
Korney: Oooh! FUCK! How did we get stuck in this god damn inflated tire?
Running to an abandoned police car. Korney drives as he and Mojo were chasing The General Lee.
Pete: Oh no! It's the Unicorn Arm of the Law!
Jonathan: Does that even make any sense?
Buddy: That's the price we pay in situations like this. Can't think of any clever idioms!
The car chase ensues. Korney and Mojo were gaining on Buddy, Jonathan, and Pete.
Korney: Ooooh! I'm gonna get you bootlegging sons of bitches!
Buddy, Pete, and Jonathan take a detour which causes Korney to drive into a chicken coop!
Korney: AAAAHHH! Why the fuck am I covered in this chicken shit!
Mojo: They tricked us! These guys are good!
Driving with the chicken still stuck on the car. Korney now is driving into some crates and barrells. As were Buddy, Pete, and Johnathan.
Korney: Son of a bitch! Where did these shitty ass crate and barrels come from?
Mojo: Uhh, that truck I guess
A semi truck that reads Crate and Barrell was parked on the side of the road. Korney and Mojo decide to get some backup.
Mojo: Let's all UD!
Korney: Yes he can be our backup! (calls UD on the radio) UD! Come in!
UD who was also in a police car answers.
Korney: UD! We need your help!
UD: Her I am. Setting on a full tank. (blows whistle)
Korney: Focus UD! This is a Dukes of Hazzard parody! Not Fraiser! Now give me some support!
Mojo: He's not saying anything!
UD falls asleep at the wheel. Korney crashes into a tree trunk.
Mojo: Shit! You nearly took the top of the car off!
Korney: When Rok comes back he's going to burn our biscuits and.....
Mojo and Korney see the car UD was driving and both cars crashed into each other. Korney and Mojo are now riding on the wheels. Pete, Buddy, and Jonathan still in the General Lee knowing they outran Mojo, Korney and UD.
Pete: YYYYYEEEEEEE HHHHHHOOOOOO!!!!!
Jonathan: Did you have to scream that in my fucking ear!
The General Lee jumped into the air as Pete, Jonathan, and Buddy were about to crash into a river bridge doing it's signature car horn Whistling Dixie song. The General Lee landed on the other side of town. Mojo and Korney were still riding on the wheels of the broken police car.
Mojo: Hope you know what you're doing!
Korney: They ain't gettin' away!
Then Mojo and Korney jump the river bidge. The Dujes of Hazzard voiceover speaks.
Voiceover: Now we all know Korney ain't gonna make it across that river bridge! Because there's nothing funnier than seeing a unicorn with memory loss and his stoner friend's legs getting knawed off by an alligator!
Korney: What the fuck did that narrattor say!
Mojo: Must be psychic!
Korney and Mojo both fall into the river at the mercy of an alligator. When Korney and Mojo were being chased by the alligator. Korney has a flashback.
Unicorn King: Okay son. Here is a rite of passage that every prince must do.
Young Korney: What's that father?
Unicorn King: You have to cross that moat and try to outrun those alligators.
Young Korney (fearfully); Yee yee yees Ddddaaaadddd!
The Unicorn King watches as Korney was awkwardly trying to cross the moat by walking on the aliigators.
Scene 9:
At City Hall, Kylie drinks the 'chardonnay'
Kylie: This better be good. I'm beginning to regret ever banning alcohol!
Drinking the 'chardonnay' Kylie discovers she is blind now.
Kylie: Oh no! I'm blind now! This isn't chardonnay! This is moonshine!
A phone rings and Kylie tries to answer it. The call is answered when she steps on the phone,
Voice: Kylie. How are you?
Kylie: I'm fine. Definately not blind or anything! (laughs nervously)
Voice: Good. We want you to drive a bus full of troubled youth on a field trip.
Moments later, Kylie finds herself driving recklessly bumping into everything in sight. The kids inside were flying around. Korney gets out of the pond with the alligator biting on his behind and Mojo in tow.
Mojo: Dude! Is this The Sweet Hearafter?
Korney: What do you mean?
Mojo: I mean that school bus!
Running back into the pond, Mojo and Korney were able to avoid getting hit by the schoolbus. Kylie now finds herself and the school bus sinking.
Kylie: Hey, kids! I think we're in a pond or something!
Voiceover: Now isn't that something! None of these troubled youth realize Kylie's blind because of that moonshine Buddy, Pete, and Jonathan gave her!
Teen: WHAT THE HELL DID THAT NARRATOR SAY!
In Alaska. Rok and Draka were now at the funeral of Rok's so called 'girlfriend'. Locals stand bundled up in heavy coats. Rok and Draka stand awkwardly in the back, overdressed for drama and underdressed for the cold.
Rok (adjusting sunglasses, voice cracking): Yup... this is it. The funeral of my one true love. My heart is just... a broken, frozen tundra now.
Draka (suspicious, arms crossed): Mm-hmm. I still think this was a lie, Rok. You never even told me her name.
Rok (panicking slightly):Her name was... Eskima. Eskima McBlizzards. Beautiful soul. Loved dogsledding. Tasted like mint chapstick and reindeer jerky.
Draka (dryly): Thought her name was Melanie Skipdoodle! (rolls eyes) Charming.
The Preist finishes a short eulogy. People begin placing flowers. A few children in puffy coats and snotty noses run up to Rok.
Eskimo Kid #1: Daddy Rok! Daddy Rok!
Eskimo Kid #2: Are you gonna be our new mommy?
Draka: ..Excuse me??
Rok (sweating through his jacket):Oh yeah! Right! Uh—these are my... my stepkids! From Eskima. We were totally married. Yeah. I was gonna tell you, Draka, but you know... surprise!
Draka (eyebrow raised, deadpan):You told me your ex was a hologram with commitment issues and lived on Neptune.
Rok (drops to his knees in the snow, dramatically):OKAY, FINE! None of it's real! Eskima wasn’t my girlfriend. I made her up! I panicked, alright?! I just wanted to make you jealous!
Draka (blinks):You made up a dead girlfriend... and fake children... to make me jealous?
Rok (groveling):Yes! Because you're, like, this demon powerhouse and I'm just some unstable three eyed cat who's a CEO and a drug dealer! Not to mention three unpaid parking tickets! You're too cool! And I thought—if you thought someone else loved me... maybe you'd look at me like...
Trailing off. Rok feels an Awkward silence. Snow falls gently. Draka looks down at him. Then starts to laugh — first low, then snorting.
Draka (grinning):Rok... you are so stupid. That was the dumbest, most manipulative, emotionally self-destructive stunt I've ever seen.
Rok (meekly):So... we're good?
Draka (smirking, helping him up):We're great. Honestly, I kind of love how far you went just to get my attention. That was hot. In a totally deranged way.
Rok (hopeful): So... you’re not mad?
Draka: Oh, I’m furious. But I’m also impressed. Let’s go get hot cocoa. You owe me a muffin, a new pair of gloves, and an explanation for those kids.
One of the "stepkids" pulls off their hat, revealing they're actually just a random child named Gary.
Gary: I just wanted snacks. He said he'd give us candy if we called him Daddy.
Draka: Rok.
Rok (backing away):Okay okay okay! Let’s just go before the old lady from the house shows up again.
They walk toward the car, leaving behind the funeral, the kids, and the burning questions... literally. Rok and Draka head back to Palo Alto.
Scene 10:
In a last ditch effort to try to catch Pete, Buddy, and Jonathan in their tracks. Korney set up a roadblock that has a semi truck filled with dynamite with Mojo still by his side. UD was at the scene as well.
UD: How is this going to stop them? This could elimiate all of Palo Alto!
Mojo: You still doing this Boss Hogg bullshit?
Korney: Trust me on this. And yes I am!
The General Lee with Jonathan, Buddy, and Pete inside it tried to jump over the semi truck unaware it was filled with dynamite.
Pete: We're having so much fun bootlegging alcohol!
Jonathan: My favorite thing thoughout all of this is jumping over shit!
Buddy: Semi Truck up ahead! Let's jump that!
The General Lee jumped into the air one last time. Instead of jumping over the semi truck. The General Lee falls right into it. Sending UD, Mojo, Korney, Pete, Buddy, and Jonathan flying into the air. Korney landed on a tree.
Korney: Who turned out the lights! I can't see anything!
The explosion also had a positive effect. It restored Kylie's eye sight!
Kylie: I can see again! I can see again! What beautiful sights I see!
Teen: Yeah, and you almost fucking killed us!
Rok and Draka returned from Alaska. Only to see Palo Alto practically in shambles after the semi truck dynamite explosion.
Draka: We leave Palo Alto for a few days to improve our relationship and THIS is what happens when we're gone?
Rok: You're telling me. It's like we're in that alternate 1985 from Back To The Future Part 2 when Biff Tannen took over everything.
Pete, Buddy, and Jonathan landed next to Rok and Draka.
Rok: What the fuck happened to you guys?
Buddy: You don't want to know.....
Pete: A price we pay for bootlegging alcohol.
Jonathan: Long story short. Your friends banned alcohol with help from Kylie and we tried to bring it back.
Rok: Oh yes, this is what Blonde, Leprechaun, and Piggy were trying to tell us.
Draka: Well let's fix this.
Rok and Draka saw Korney stuck in the tree and got him out. Mojo and UD were happy to see Rok and Draka again.
Mojo: Sorry we tried to ban alcohol.
UD: It did more harm than good.
Rok: We can see that.
Draka: What we can do is convince Kylie to overturn the ban.
Korney: Welp, back to City Hall for us.
Dr Nopey comes with a car and picks up Draka, Rok, Korney, UD, and Mojo and drives them to City Hall.
Scene 11 Conclusion:
At the bar. Kylie announces she will lift the alcohol ban.
Kylie: Getting rid of alcohol was a HUGE mistake. As your Mrs. Wasident I hearby declare that alcohol is back in the city of Palo Alto!
Dr Nopey: This calls for a celebration! Cheers!
Kylie: Free drinks for everyone! On the house!
The crowd arrupted with cheers. Rok and Draka share a kiss. Dr Nopey, Mojo, UD, and even Buddy, Pete, and Jonathan were there drinking all sorts of alcoholic beverages!
Rok: This one's my favorite: Santori! Sammy Davis Jr did a commercial for this back in the 1970s!
Draka notices Korney is not joining them for beer.
Korney: Don't even think about it.
Draka: Why aren't you joining us, Korney?
Korney: I don't like alcohol! In fact I hate it! It never crossed my.....
Before Korney can say anything else, Mojo and UD stick a beer keg nozzle in Korney's anus.
Mojo: Now it's crossing your ass!
UD: Hilarious joke!
A party breaks out in the bar. Mojo tears out the page in the law book about the law that never repealed prohibition. Korney is now extremely drunk and and bumping into stools and breaking alcohol bottles. Blonde, Leprechan, and Piggy watch everyone in Palo Alto partying and getting drunk in the bar.
Leprechan: Anyone remember that movie Down And Out In Beverly Hills.
Blonde: Yeah, what of it?
Leprechan: What was the one line in it?
Piggy: I know. That homeless song that sounded like We Are The World?
Blonde: We don't know what you're implying!
Leprechan: Oh, now I remember. What a fucking party!
Piggy and Blonde (together): Now he tells us.
THE END
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